Surprised.

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I didn't think it was going to happen.  Just doing the dishes, my way, takes a lot of time.  Toss in cleaning the kitchen and, as late as it was before I could get to anything, I was sure it wouldn't be finished until tomorrow.  As it turns out, I have it done.  There might even be time to squeeze in a shower and get to town.  I won't promise that will happen, but it might.  Just grocery shopping and maybe grabbing a bite to eat, seeing if my friend wants to go along.  Yes, doing better after that little vacation.

I don't think the microwave works well at warming quiche.  I think the oven is what will be required.  Which is sort of a pain.  But the microwave destroys it.  Perhaps on a lower setting.  I don't use the microwave for much, and just prefer it for speed.  Tinkering with it just doesn't sound fun.  Besides, I honestly don't trust the devices.  Perfectly safe, they suggest, while hiding all the caveats.  How long do the built in protections last on those machines?  Does anybody know?  Well, and they are sort of an ugly modernism.  So, oven it will have to be.  I really don't care too much for cold anything, not even pizza.  Cold fried chicken, if it didn't dry out... there is that.

Well... I may go ahead and try to push my way into town.  I am hungry for something different, perhaps pizza from one of the better joints.  Who knows though.  Later.

As it stands.

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My days are a bit tilted.  Waking shortly after 13:00 has become the usual.  It seems to be stabilizing at that point.  Which means, if I wish to attempt to get back to full days, I will have to push.  I have a few things to do, so that might not be happening right now.  I may need to push, for a very temporary goal, but not for keeps, not quite yet.  I have a few things I am wanting to do first.

The kitchen needs cleaned, along with a bunch of dishes.  Then, if I can, a trip to town.  Groceries, mostly.  Some of the ongoing culinary experiments, some for standard perishables.  I would like to consider regular pie.  Apple would be preferred, but it may be a bit before I get into that much work.  Peeling, slicing, making sure I have the right spices... it's too much with what else I already have going.  Maybe next month.  However, I could buy frozen cherries.  That is, of course, assuming I can kick out cleaning the kitchen, doing the dishes, taking a shower, and still have the energy to make a store run.  Plus, if I make it to town, I'll get my friend out if he wants to go to dinner, or just go along for the ride.

The first watch showed up today.  I don't always like watches, but this one seems okay.  It doesn't have a long life, though having a small collection of watches might extend their lives.  As well, finally, a flashlight I am hoping can be trusted.  Sure, they make good, bright, flashlights these days.  Many of them seem to have serious flaws and short lives.  I liked the little flashlight I purchased about a year ago, but it has already died.  This one is quite a bit bigger, if it is still considered small for the light it can put out.  Who knows if it will last.  As with watches, I have decided to purchase a small selection of flashlights.  I use those things.  They help in my day to day, and allow me to live a little more... quietly and surely.  It may not make sense to others, but my life tactics exist for a reason.  Few soldiers, warriors, or fighters, have ever been so... enclosed, and alone, in their... ways.  What I do, and how I do it, is all for very specific reasons.  Even my tastes are influenced by my nature, experience, and sensibilities.  Since I can't, currently, afford what is more absolute, I will use backups and multiples.  I am looking for better, but that takes time, money, and experience in areas that all seem brand new or fallen.

Hmm... well...  I suppose I should hit the kitchen, spot wash then reset the soapy soak in the dishes, then finish another episode while I rest before a rinse, a shower, and possibly a run to town.  Good day.

Quiche.

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I kicked out three crusts before my food processor seemed to be overheating.  I let those refrigerate for the four hours.  I shredded cheese, fried bacon then diced it when it was cool, and pretty much had everything ready.  After the four hours I went ahead and rolled one of the crusts out.  Partially baking it, while mixing the custard.  When it was mostly finished, I set it to cool just a bit, then added some of the shredded cheese and bacon bits, then let it all cool a while longer.  Finally I put it all together and baked it.  It took a bit longer than the recipe I had suggested, by at least fifteen minutes.  Higher elevation, dryer climate, or some other thing.  Probably a bit of everything.  It was good.

This one was made with cheddar, bacon, goat cheese, and spinach.  I had a couple of pieces while it was still warm.  The crust was very good.  The quiche was fine.  To be honest, I don't think I care all that much for quiche.  It wasn't a terrible thing.  And it was fun to make.  It just... probably is something I would only make upon request, if I had someone to request it.  I am still going to make several more practice, then several more for giving to others.  Besides, I need the practice with the camera.  I may take a picture of the egg-goo-pie.  Really?  The quality is what I would expect in a good restaurant.  So, yes, I am pleased.

On the other side of things, I am so pleased with the crust, I will be making more of that, for other things.  Regular old pie, mostly, from time to time.  Pumpkin, cherry, apple.  But too, I think I may experiment with making my own hot pockets, and freezing them.  Chicken or beef, perhaps mushroom.  The crust was as good as I have ever done.  Now to toy with that, if more into my areas.  Eggs just aren't my favorites.  Then again, perhaps I could experiment with herbs and spices, trying to find my preferred flavor profiles.  Then again, for a while now, nothing has tasted really good.  Might just be a phase.  I'll try it when I wake.  Though I have heard that some thing cooled quiche is awful.

I have enough cheese grated for several more runs.  Bacon is cooked as well.  The ham I have is ready, it simply needs to be diced.  I made a lot of dirty dishes, bowls, spoons, and such.  And I will need to clean the kitchen.  But probably not tonight.  A task for tomorrow.  I also need to get to the store tomorrow.  I think mushrooms would be fantastic in there, but they like the bacon need to be cooked first.  All good.  Good night.

Pie crusts, finally.

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I finished my first.  It is wrapped and refrigerated.  I will probably make five more.  Dinner will be arriving shortly, so I'll stop for the moment.  I have a pretty good system down.  The crusts need to refrigerate for at least four hours.  Which will make it just about perfect for a late dinner or breakfast.  I'll at least taste my first ones.  If they seem to do well, I will be able to simple hand out some whole ones.  I'll use any questionable ingredients for my own, probably waiting until I can get out before making one for other folk.  So... Thursday, right?  Yes.  One for lunch for some folk, and a couple for a dinner.  If I make a practice one or two I really like, I can keep them around for... a while, for myself. 

Oh, right, some pictures.  I'm glad the dinner bell rang.  I had forgotten to set up the camera.  In the middle of things, it's a bit too messy.  But having to clean up for company means I can set up the camera before getting back to it.  My first will be bacon, spinach, and chevre (fresh goat cheese), perhaps with asiago or cheddar as well.  Hmm...  I ought to check for onion as well.  I like it pretty straight, but for others I can saute onion, if I have it, before adding it to the mix.  See, recipes are great.  They are like learning to ride a bike with training wheels.  I am advanced enough that I can just get on a new bike, taking it a bit easy.  There are always things to take into consideration.  For example, if I put the onions in raw, they will most like produce moisture.  So... I'll cut back on the cream just a bit.  The bacon could add fats, but I'll fry it first, then drain it on paper towels, let cool, and dice.  Never mind.  Sounds good to me.

After this, I might have to make a few real pies.  Finding fresh fruit is difficult.  Apples always work, and store bought, for those, is good enough.  A mix, grannys, and two or three other types, plus the usual spices.  I don't, as a rule, add other stuff, such as gelatin.  I like it either way, but was trained the one way and switched to the other way as a favor.  Now, just fruit.  Hmm... cherry pie would be good.  Fresh would be best, but frozen might do just fine.  Hey, it's something to do.  And I know a few people who wouldn't mind a winter treat or three.  It's something I can do.  Plus, it's pulling me in toward using my camera.  It's mixing and matching hobbies.  Later.

Late shift.

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It seems day and night are on the turntable again.  I actually made it to bed before midnight last night.  I simply could not sleep.  So... French toast!  It sounded good, and it was.  I didn't do a great job with it, but not bad either.  I was awake until 4:00 this morning... at least.  Not a problem.  I know these things will happen.  I also know, almost exclusively, there is only one way back to days... the long way.  As stable as I am, even through that little down time, it will be a while.  I have some things I want to do.  If I can't quite gear up for those, though, I'll begin pushing days and nights back around.  But if I can get back to work, I will work until I can't, then begin pushing.  I hate to waste good potential on shifting sleep.  When I am forcing the issue, it is about all I can do.

Today?  Yeah, I think I'll definitely make the crusts.  If I do that, pack them up and get them in the refrigerator, and then clean up, I will then take stock of my fixings.  Some of it will still be good, some of it not so much.  If all that goes forward, and there is still time to make it to the real store (not Walmart), I might even get in yet tonight and get fresh fixings along with a few other items.  Plus it would be good to get out.  And, should I make it out, I may call my friend.  Today or tomorrow, I am almost sure of it.

I am tired of floating through time and space.  I haven't had a wrist watch for a while now.  My last one died.  I am, actually, hoping to save up for a... very fine watch.  Not today.  It won't be a Rolex Submariner, mind you.  I had one, a gift from a wealthy heiress.  She... got what she wanted, and we enjoyed our time together.  I had to sell it when I first became ill.  I did love that watch.  Still, it is a kissing cousin to that watch, the one I have my eye on.  Not as a luxury item, more as a store of wealth and as a timepiece that will last.  For now, I've got several watches of much lesser price, in the works.  I'll be purchasing clear nail polish for the cases this time.  I was having trouble with the metal on the case, against my wrist.  Several watches, so I can change them from time to time.  They won't last probably a full year, definitely not two.  I'm a watch killer.  Though perhaps with several, I won't kill them as quickly.  I need a stopgap solution, and this is that.

Well...  On to my day.  An hour or two to wake, then on to pie crusts.  I'll see what I can do after that.  Ciao and blessings.

All in all, a bargain.

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I can't recall, exactly.  I believe it was nearly 6:00 when I went to bed, or was it after 7:00?  I was rather weary.  I didn't bother setting the alarm.  On days where I chase the clock. as a hounds chases the artificial rabbit on the track, I can't know if I will need a normal sleep, if it will run short, or if I will need twelve, fourteen, or in not so distant memory, even three days of sleep.  Usually, with the last, that was after a week awake, or more.  Still, there is no certainty, more so when I push.  A short sleep, as it turned out.  I was up at about 13:00.

Sleep was sound, good, wonderful actually.  No dreams, no sore throat from snoring that sometimes happen when I push.  Then again, yesterday wasn't a push.  It was a natural flow, it seems.  I even let the girls sleep in with me.  They may have helped me wake early.  Not so much by fussing, more by their presence as I woke, somehow.  Since they were kindly about letting me sleep in, I fed them right away.  That would, when I wake at 8:00 or so (my usual time), be their normal lunchtime... actually that would be a late lunch.

After feeding them, I went on to make myself breakfast.  Hashed browns, eggs, and mushrooms.  I thought about doing an omelet, but that would have required grating cheese, and I just wasn't quite in that mood yet.  I note that everything is cleared, cleaned, and set up for making pie crusts.  But that probably won't happen for a while.  Whatever else is going on, I don't seem to be able to begin working until later in my wake cycle.  I would love to start earlier, like right now.  I just, simply, honestly, can't.

Yeah, I've been going through something.  Paranoid, perhaps.  Or... I just pick up on the hubbub of the typical Christmas season.  Oh, I know.  It is a season of great hope.  It is also a time where people, families, friends, are all pressed together, with nothing such as work or school to distract them.  Old rubs, various grudges, unrequited passions, and all sorts of wounds and joys mix and at a time when people are in close proximity.  There is bound to be... emotional disturbances in the force, for both good and ill.  Like the Christmas meal, while delicious, it can be a bit much.  Even mostly cloistered ogres feel that emotional overflow.  More so those who are somewhat sensitive in a non-gentile way.  All good, I hope.  A time for many things, with a focus on the better things when possible.  Just enjoy the stories as just that.  It's how my mind deals with impediments, considerations, guilts, even joys and other such pleasantries.  Odd but true.

I may have to take more photos.  I forgot to add one set of items in the set.  Yeah, I know.  But I was motating on the dying embers of adrenalin.  More practice, in either case, is just fine.  I also need to go back to the store, after I make the crusts.  The cheeses will be fine, purchased in blocks and unsealed.  But the vegetables and herbs might... need to be refreshed.  I'll use the old for little bites here and there.  I just don't want to send stuff that is too old out the door.  Fresh, fresh, fresh, or I'll be hunted!

Later.

More done than anticipated.

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Once I get going, I can't seem to stop.  At least it is turning out to be productive, rather than just... time awake instead of asleep.

The dishes were finished, dried, and put away.  I went on to clean countertops, most of them, and the kitchen table after some minor clearing of space.  The stovetop was cleaned, as well as the cast iron pan griddle.  Then I set everything up for making pie crust, minus the ice and water.  Then I finally put the screen shields, doing about as well as my fumbling fingers could do for a first shot at that.  I hate doing that, by the way.  Then I set up the tripod, and the camera on it, and took a few pictures.  Oh, nothing people haven't seen before.  It is more for the practice of taking pictures, manipulating them just a bit, then importing them.

I'm on a break again, hoping I can ease down into sleep before long.  If not, I may yet get to making the crusts.  Quite a day.  While satisfying, insomnia is starting to creep in.  My body is in go mode, and part of my mind.  One part of my mind just wants sleep.  A good long healthy dose of rest.  A well deserved rest, all things considered.  I suppose my conscience is trying to make up for down time.  If it doesn't stop, it may create more down time. 

Actually, if I am still up in a bit, I may just try to process the photos.  I don't think, from the preview, that much will need to be done to them.  Maybe a touch of color correction, or framing, cropping, and alignment.  I don't have enough experience to be sure, from the screen, though.  Fluorescent lighting was used, so there may be some issues there.  Truly becoming a master with the device will take some work.  I'll not make it, but it is something to tinker with from time to time.

Hmm... sleep may be nearing.  Yes, I think this is good night.

Won't sleep soon.

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Trying to say something without saying too much.  A trick for some, impossible for others.  I do feel cornered, a bit.  I am just as comfortable in a corner as not, more so than other places.  I can see what is coming and nothing can get behind me.  Plus, I do have reach, of various sorts.  Still...  I have invoked anger, not mine, or in me.  I think there was an attempt to incite it, or see how I would react.  Difficult to discuss at the moment.  No, it really didn't bother me.  Some of my responses have stirred a hornets nest though.  Well, it wasn't meant as turnabout, but that is fair enough.  I won't be cornered, either.  Chalk won't do it, or words, or will.  Just know.  However, trying to put things just so, in words, is a bit of a trick.  More so for those who don't understand some things.

Yes, things on my mind.  But that isn't why I can't sleep.  It seems, when I hit on work, the engine started.  And the engine isn't going to quit until it runs out of energy.  I'll keep doing minor tasks until it does.  A minor task, then some music, or sudoku, or a bit of news or other reading, then another task.  I need to try to run the engine dry without somehow filling the tank.  Dishes next, then a break, then clearing the kitchen table and another break.  If I am still going, I might yet get to pie crusts, and perhaps some photography.  No, I don't do selfies.  Not directly, not indirectly.  Giants don't look good on film, of any sort.  Hmm...  I actually have two different tripods.  A tabletop, and a full standing one.  That should make the task easier.  I also purchased a remote for the camera, which I can place in my pocket, so that I can take snappies without gooing anything electronic.  Goo and electronics are a terrible mix.

Ah well.  Later.

Oh well.

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Dishes are about ready for a rinse soak, just waiting for the wash water to drain down.  It wasn't just clearing the kitchen that was needed for baking.  I also needed to wash the new roller and baking beads.  Never use something for cooking until you have washed it, well.  I did break down what of the boxes I wanted out, and took them out.  I even finally got a shower taken. 

As to making crusts, taking pictures, and any thing else I might have suggested, no chance.  I am done.  I might finish dishes before going to bed, but that will be about it.  I'm not tired, or sore.  Not that what I did was a lot, but it's the most I have done for more than a weak.  The body, sometimes, really gripes when bringing it back on line and having it do a bunch of bending, lifting, sweeping, and all.  It usually tires quickly and aches from using parts that don't otherwise get used.  Tomorrow will be the true test, though I think I will be fine.

If all goes well, I should get to making pie crusts tomorrow.  I will make all of them at once, then put them up.  I would guess, if well wrapped, then sealed in an airtight bag, they should last a week if need be.  They will need to refrigerate for a while though, four hours to overnight.  If I do that, then clean up after, I might make a quiche or two tomorrow.  Just practice, unless they turn out really well.  If not, I could fry some of the bacon, ham, and mushrooms, and store those for Tuesday.  Perhaps grate some cheese.  I didn't think the smaller bowls that came with the set would be useful, but I think they will be the perfect size for holding cheese for a single quiche.

Nice.  It's been a good day.  The waft of anger I felt isn't a bother.  I just felt that some 'splainin' might do some good.  If nothing else, I dumped it from my head.  Sorted it, and have it neatly stacked with the rest of what I sometimes receive.  That's how Doom "do".  All good.  Ah, back to filling the rinse, a bit of rest, maybe finishing those off, then to bed.  Good night.

Have I ever mentioned...

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Mojo.

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It is late.  I was still having trouble getting going.  It finally hit about an half hour ago.  I decided to do the snow removal first.  As it turns out, the sun has been shining well enough to melt half of the stuff away.  What remained was thing.  There might be a spot or two of ice, but not enough to consider salting.  An easy job.  I figured, when I started, I would do that, then probably need to rest, then hit whatever else I could.  Which is fine, for a cripple.  Which, of late, I have been.

After I finished that, however, I thought I would tend the trash.  Just what was easy to take, mostly already bagged.  And recycling, while I was at it, right?  Sure.  I did that, and with ease.  I remembered the cat litter was on the list, and a pot with... week old leftovers, and a couple of my new plastic bowls with food that is too old, and the cat litter.  While I was messing with the cat litter, I decided to sweep where the pans usually go.  Done, done, done, done, and then some.  I cleared the kitchen table a bit more while I was at it.  I sighed a little sigh.  Definitely tiring, but... not quite done.  I fetched all the dirty dishes, pots, and utensils I could find, got those to the basin which went into the tub, then I began filling it.  Another check for anything else.  In it went, to brew-soak for a few hours.

I did a few other odds and ends, here and there.  Finally, though, I ran out of steam.  A bit of a break, or maybe I am done.  I did take the trash and recycling to the curb, so, really, if that is it, it is okay.  I am actually hoping to scrub and soak the dishes again, tear down the boxes that are too small or too weak for use, stack the remainder and get them to the back porch, clear and clean in the kitchen just a bit, then, maybe, work on pie crusts.  Who knows.  I can't believe what I just did in an half hour or less.  I'll take it.  I might even pull the camera out and take a picture or three of pie crust making, and figure out how to resolved the photos then import them somehow, posting them as proof... tonight or tomorrow.  Yeah, I like it when I am on target, and a bit more.

Later.

Not much, but I can keep pushing.

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To bed late, awake late.  Not too bad, just not what I would prefer.  Oh, I set the alarm.  And I battled that alarm for two hours before realizing it wasn't going to work.  I shut it off and slept another two hours.  I let the girls in, to allow them to roust me.  And they tried.  Actually, they were why I woke when I did.  I fed them right away, this morning, in mild gratitude.

I feel great, mind you.  No flaming wings, no general burn, no organ pain, no head or body aches.  My mood is tops.  My mind seems mostly clear, if there remains a mild fog.  The fog being more artistic, as in a picture, then blinding or debilitating.  A pleasant fog, in other words.  And... I still hope to get to things, I plan them.  Not sure what is anchoring me.  I can't seem to release or pull the weight and get going though.  I'll keep trying.

A bit of snow came through.  Not much.  I am hoping to sweep it off before too long.  If needed, I may salt some areas as well.  Then a shower.  After that?  Trash and recycling need to go out.  I want to change the cat litter too, then at least set dishes to soak.  While messing with the trash, cat litter, and dishes, I might be able to clear more of the kitchen table.  Yeah... pretty daring of a plan while thinking that a walker might be useful, but there you go.  No, no, not really a walker.  Just the idea.  Hmm... maybe a coffee enema?  Laugh, damn it!

As I said, I am feeling good.  Enough to poke fun at self with glee.  Not the show.  That show... isn't glee... not in this cave.  But that's another topic I won't ever fully discuss.  I haven't even seen the show.  Just heard about it, and it might have flashed on the screen until I could get the stupid slow remote to flick the channel.  Part of why, now when I flick through channels, I usually remember to press the mute button before channel surfing.  Bleh. 

Later.

Slogging along.

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Reading and commenting, a bit.  Looking for news tidbits that have any minor real note while sussing what isn't being reported that is actually important.  News is dying.  They realize everybody knows reporters, editors, and publishers/producers are on the wrong side of just about everything.  Some of the reporters know it, most of them haven't a clue.  We aren't the bitter clingers.  We aren't the ones who are stupid.  Most have been too busy trying to lead real lives in a darkening world to consider.  That time is over.  All things are being considered.  They lost by pushing too far, digging too deeply in the wrong direction, and supporting criminals over civil and other bad actors.

Anyway, I can't get going yet.  Past 13:00 and I am just drifting through the day.  I do feel good.  There is that.  There is some hope that feeling good will get me to some work, chores, or bit of fun.  Maybe a mix of those things.  Food?  I'm honestly not hungry.  A glass of milk or two was food yesterday.  That might be it for today, too.  I could cook, I suppose.  The kitchen isn't bad, just a bit cluttered.  So I could fix something, something tasty.  I just can't get too it along with not being hungry.

Still, I might be able to clear the kitchen a bit more today.  And doing the few dishes might happen.  Hmm, and maybe something else.  Getting the trash out?  Sorting boxes?  Yeah... maybe.

I am saying prayers for the murdered police officers, their families, and their coworkers.  Martyrs.  Not something anyone wishes to become, but martyrdom brings clarity.  People are easily seeing the choices before them.  Law enforcement are also seeing some things.  You can't treat those who wish to murder you as you treat those who support you.  Well, you can't do those things and win.  Law enforcers, as a group, are also learning that, as with people, politics is a split thing.  They are learning to choose between politics and politicians who support what they do and those who don't.  Simple choices, really.  Civilians, those who are on the fence, are having to choose just which way they really want to go with that.  The choice becomes very simply when a "neutral" finds himself surrounded by the option, especially when cops, by orders or numbers, can't help them.  This is, most likely, after all is said and done, going to lead to two separate and distinct law enforcement operations.  One for those who choose civility, and one for those who don't or can't.  It will, eventually, enter the court system, the legal system, if it will start with enforcement.  I am positive that if the police don't do it, the people will.  Though I see, in turning their backs on De Blaisio, that the NYPD is getting it.  Now to refuse to enforce the unconstitutional laws regarding gun ownership for the right people while steam rolling the ban for the wrong people.  It's not really a choice.  It's more a matter of survival.  Though most cop types really do believe in what they are doing, and many would die for it, preferably as a last resort.  So, survival isn't the only reason.  I understand some semblance of that from military service.

Well... on with something or other.  A bit more time to wake.  With such a short list of things to do, I don't need to rush.  I will have to start at some point.  Just not yet.  Later.

Waking up is hard to do.

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Is there a song for that?  Yeah, yeah, there is Breaking Up Is Hard to Do, but that wasn't hard for me to do.  Never mind.  Four or five snooze buttons and an half hour to forty minutes after the alarm first sounded I was finally able to kick out.  Barely.  Still struggling.  With the same alarm set, yesterday, I didn't wake until after 10:00, so I guess there is that.  I did get better, a bit, yesterday.  There is some hope of improving today, as well.  I've got a number of things I am hoping to do.

Almost better.

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Still dragging.  I simply feel better.  The sun was out today, and rather bright, mostly.  I suppose that helped.  I get that old fiery feeling, but for moments.  No more than an hour at a time, and rather infrequently.  I only remember having it once for very long today, perhaps an hour, then once just for maybe fifteen minutes.  No, I really don't understand.  Thermometer can't tell the difference between when I seem to burn and when I don't.

I did a couple of small things today.  What my friend needed was for me to store his ammunition.  One of the boxes of it was broken.  I had to stack the ammunition in new boxes.  After some sorting.  Then figure out where to put them.  I did at least another task.  As I said, not much.  At least I am feeling better.  There for a bit I was just lost.

I didn't get to bed until late.  I also woke very late.  It is only a bit past 21:30, but I am thinking it is about bedtime already.  Odd, these last days, how things are just not making exact sense.  The long night, I suppose, is still playing games with my system.  I'll figure it out.

I am hoping, if I can get going tomorrow, that I will finish in the kitchen, and do some dishes.  If I can do that, then pie crust is next.  If I clean up after that, I might make the first quiche.  I best get on that.  Hmm... I might tinker with the camera, to try to take a few pictures, then transfer them over for publishing.  Might as well.  It'll be a bit of a stretch with all else, to my mind at the moment, but stretching is good.  Good night.

Can't say it all, sometimes.

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Some do not understand.  To the eyes of men, God's will has to seem brutal, vengeful, perhaps even wrong.  It is easy to suggest that the lion will lay with the lamb, that Christ is the King of Peace, that forgiveness is paramount.  Forgiveness is required to be offered in order to be received, but how that works is a bit... trickier than it seems.  They seem to forget what Jesus did the last time, what was done to Him.  They do not seem to understand what He will do next time.  There is much blood and death, here and forever, until the King takes His place, having to do with salvation and damnation, in life, and on the path. 

I can't always say exactly how I understand things.  At times, it feels as if I am speaking to people who either don't, perhaps can't, know.  I understand, perhaps.  Some days I am not feeling up to dealing with some truths.  No one wants to know, certainly not the hard parts.  Is there hope?  It depends on if you have hope.

Imagine how most people would question Death.  Why my cousin, or wife, or child?  Why not that criminal or evil politician?  Why?  There is, of course, an answer.  It isn't merely God's will, though that plays a part.  But when emotions are brought into it, reason is not available.  Further, much as a butcher understands why some cuts are more expensive, many people do not.  A butcher can, for example, suggest that a certain cut is in greater demand by portion available, so he charges more for that cut.  This makes no difference to a woman who arrived to buy that specific cut, but without enough money.  Why, she demands!?!  But even he may not be able to explain why that cut is in greater demand.  So it is with all creatures who have a task to do.  All men should know this, but when wrapped in emotion, even men may have difficulty understanding over their interest, or that those who do cannot always explain it to their emotional satisfaction, or even always fully understand themselves.  But all men know that a good son will do as his right father suggests, soon or late, with fewer or greater regrets.  And so it is.

Now, whether I am nephilim, perhaps even War, or not... I see through those eyes from time to time.  I write about it.  I explain some things.  I suggest some things.  But neither I, if I am just me, nor War, if he is another, know all things.  Only what is required, and a bit picked up here and there on the way.  Either way, I have to try to discuss some matters as if those things weren't true when talking to people in real life.  Most simply will not face the fact that what the bible suggests is more than just stories, if not even the actors understand.  Many angels no more consider the truth of their existence or actions than a pistol considers whether it really expels a projectile or not.  Some of the actors do consider, at least at times.  Nor can they handle the notion that one, right next to them, may have access to some of it.  Loony bin material, any such talk, to most men.  I've learned to not frighten the children, push too far.  I don't understand enough, for sure, yet, now.  Perhaps, of course, I am crazy.  Though that wouldn't preclude access.  That, access, itself, might well cause insanity, potentially.  How many prophets were considered insane?  How many others, who saw or did, became... different?  Still, it might all be false.  I have, myself, traveled that path, still do when the weight of it is too much, or on odd or even days, depending on need or want.

Unless, of course, I am what I see, and it isn't just visions.  But being the spirit of War, bound by flesh, is a difficult thing.  Christ never seems to have discussed it, save suggesting that in His form, He was limited in some ways, such as knowing when the end was to come.  If Jesus had taken the time to discuss it, I do believe He might well have described a terrible itch caused by being bound by flesh, at least in a fallen world.  Pouring an ocean into a thimble, somehow, would be an example.  Actually, it is more difficult for souls, than something like what I see.  The difference is, the soul is... pacified, before being put into flesh.  If your soul woke fully you might well explode.  My spirit is waking, or I am seeing into the wakefulness of such a being.  It itches terribly, either way.  But... madness has been placated.  At least as I see things.  Save when it gets too heavy and I escape into... denial.

Pushing.

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I wasn't sure I would be able to make it out today.  Want, even need, is superseded, at times, by health.  My health is delicate.  Toss in snow removal and I was doubtful.  A few silent prayers, and intent, saw me to all that was necessary.  

I will rest, for a while, now.  Adjusting to the weather, season, lack of sun... or more.  I never can quite tell.  So long as I succeeded today, all is good.  A few days, weeks, or months of rest may be needed. 

Good night.

A white Christmas.

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A light snow, maybe two, perhaps three, inches.  Invited to a Christmas day, I had hoped to be out about now.  And I would have, save for a bit of snow removal needed.  The shop broom seems to be doing the job, and quickly.  I did the first, and heavier, half in one shot.  But I needed a break.  After that, a shower.  It's as good as I can do.  I am actually impressed how far I went before needing a break.  I wanted one, several times, but a quick check and I found more wind, so just kept going.

Worth it.  I do enjoy when Christmas is white.  And this is just about as good, and light, of a snow to claim a truly white Christmas.  I hope you all are enjoying the celebration, more so if you remember the cause for it.  Grump if you must, I do understand.  But when you can, set that aside and enjoy.

Merry Christmas.

Chirstmas Eve.

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I certainly enjoy this time of year.  The eve of the celebration for the birth of my Lord.  A time when He was allowed first life here, the innocence of the crib, and His mother's gentle care.  A time before hard times.  A time He will know again.

Malware.

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Looking over articles, advice, forums, and whatever else I could find, I hit on something that seems to have scratched some itches.  Anti-virus works right until it doesn't.  Often, as in my case, it offers no way to do anything about whatever is going wrong.  The software merely let me know it is blocking something.  Super, I guess.  But the popups were maddening.  They offered no solution.  This has been going on for weeks.  As I said, I may have found a solution.  I downloaded the free version of an anti-malware, installed, then let it do it's thing.  It found, definitely, one type of malware.  It also found 110 other programs doing questionable things.  I simply quarantined everything.  I don't know it it will work, or for long.  Since doing that, the constant pop-ups have ended.  If I run into troubles, I will merely look over the quarantine list.

It seems there is another form of program that will sometimes work with anti-virus and anti-malware programs.  Anti-spyware.  I suppose it depends on what sort of programs, and manufacturers, as to what is compatible.  It seems firewall routers might be a reasonable addition.  I looked, just a bit, at those.  I have in the past as well.  It seems either you end up with junk, it's nearly impossible for a noob to actually set up, or it costs a fortune.  Though sometimes all three can be in play.  It's a lot of work and cost for a maybe.  Still, there is that.  It seems, to be somewhat secure on the internet, you need a degree in programming, software engineering, technical electrical hardware, and a lot of time.  Even then, it's just a maybe, until the next week spot is found in the hardware, software, manufacturing process, or your service screws the pooch or rolls over for the clumsy stupid hand of Big Brother.

Never mind.  For now I am trying to figure out how to install the freeware, for starters, on my laptop.  But not online.  You have, at best, minutes before a new machine is compromised.  I live near a college, my guess is there is less time.  While a firewall router might help, a bit, just getting that set up would be a lot of cost and hassle.  But first, a great deal of research into which one, and how to set it up correctly, would have to happen.  That is, assuming even so, that I find a way to install the anti-virus and anti-malware offline, first.  Bleh.  Well, it is a problem.  Something to tinker with.

I've been having a rough week, but might be able to get back to things shortly... I hope.  I'll just add solving that problem with figuring out my camera.  I can, for now, just touch up photos on the laptop, thumb drive them to my main machine if I wish to share them, and... that'll be that.  Of course, scanning the thumb drives before any process, each way, with what is available.  I am loving the sun.  I am almost amazed how much sun we actually have.  It was so densely cloudy that it seemed like we must only have a few hours of sun, and at a scant angle.  Heck, after a week of that, it feels like spring or something seeing the sun and blue skies all day.  That might bring me around a bit. 

Later.

The sun.

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It has been dark for, it seems, the whole last week.  Nearing the winter solstice, on top of heavy cloud cover, made it seem like there wasn't a sun.  I can only guess that, at certain times of the year, some parts of the far North experience that.  What we went through was an illusion, but a strong one.  To see the sun, and blue sky, is worth the extra chill that came with it.

While opening a curtain to let some sun in, I noticed that only a bit more snow fell.  That could be called the perfect snow.  Just enough to add white, and brighten the sun more.  Sweeping did a great job on everything, though the walk will need just a touch of salt, then maybe another sweep.  Salt is great, but eventually it simply dilutes and washes away, without removing the ice, if the slush it creates isn't also removed.

Sleep was good.  A few beers, a show or two, putting everything up, I even prepped a bit for a load of dishes, roughly, last night.  I may hit the dishes, do some cleaning in the kitchen, then work on pie crusts today.  I also need to figure out security software for the new machine.  With a thumbdrive, I might be able to put something on without having to risk hooking it up first.  There are some other programs, to clear bloatware, I might want to use as well, before connecting the laptop.  It's nasty out there.  Then again, who knows how many bugs are already on the hardware.  Any device within a computer that has memory, from printers to hard drives to... lots of things... come with viruses that probably can't be detected.  Since I don't have a version of the OS, I can't flash it all.  Though I doubt flashing memory will work either.

Still, you won't be able to keep states and big corps off your machines.  You might be able to thwart some of the lower level hackers.  Just remember a computer is completely insecure, even "offline", and go from there.  Oh, right, and tape over the camera.  I need to get that done on both the laptop and smartphone.  I'm not sure if the cameras can see through certain things though.  I'll do some research on it.  Duct tape?  Ugly, but probably stops most cameras.  I wish they made lead impregnated tape.  Hmm....  I doubt if the camera has extra capacity, but who knows what can be done with a simple camera and firmware updates, or end-user editors these days.

Well... on to waking.  I hope you get a little something today.  I, for my part, will be enjoying the sun as much as possible.  An easy trade for a dip in temps.  Later.

I'm not cooking tonight.

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Mostly.  My right shoulder blade has fire in it, from it... the wing of flame thing.  The rest is good.  This is odd.  Usually when I get lit up, I stay lit for a while.  Days, sometimes weeks.  Same with when I go cold.  This is highly unusual.

I did make it to town, purchased the rest of my list and a bit more.  A rolling pin was added.  Mine is sort of broken.  This time I purchased one without a ball bearing system.  It seems, when I lean into such a device... it breaks.  Bears and some things don't mix.  I actually spoke with a woman, at the shop, who bakes and uses rolling pins frequently.  I liked her story, of using, essentially, a massive dowel.  I've tried the French type before, with tapered ends.  That... doesn't work well for me.  If I forget I am putting a lot of pressure on the item, and lift one hand...  *thwang*  the thing can go flying.  It's almost dangerous.

Cheeses, olives, tomato juice, a cast bacon press, the thumb drives... all good.  Four stores, plus a meal, and I took care of what my friend wanted help regarding.  Actually, he had a few other things on his list.  I think we got those too.  All good.  I am not even tired, if ready for bed in a natural way. 

Ah, tomato juice and olives are so that I can have beer without salt.  Or as much salt.  Which I am enjoying.  Toss in some of my habanero sauce, and call it a late, red, beertini, lunch?  Something.  I thought I would have more, but... I am tired.  I won't even drink the last... well... maybe.  I need to finish the episode I am watching, then hit the bunk.  Sleep sounds good.

It was raining and then snowing, sort of, all day.  When I got home, after taking everything in, I pulled out the shop broom and swept the driveway.  Yeah, it's a bit odd, but it works.  It was mostly just slush.  I hit the sidewalk as well.  I did not want the wet gunk to freeze.  I suppose more may fall.  But without that base layer of partially frozen liquid slurry, I am hoping it won't freeze as nastily.  No, that wasn't even an effort.  Since I was already out.  It sort of surprised me that I was able to do it all which, especially for this last week, is a lot, and not be suffering for it.  Bedtime is calling, but at the normal, right, time.  Odd day all around.

Good night.

Good morning.

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I've been up since 6:00, give or take.  A really nice wake up.  A really good morning so far.  A glass of milk, I think, a couple of episodes of the show, a bit of this, a bit of that.  Everything from last night is done, mostly.  Still a bit of sour g.i. going on, but nothing as drastic as the internal hurricane of last night.  Temps, or sensations have normalized.  Mostly.  If this is a normal part of my phase, I'll be going through this again tonight.  It's just what it is.  No worries.  I have learned to enjoy what I can, when I can.  Actually, I've learned to enjoy even worse moments, sometimes even the worst of it.  Hey, I've seriously had worse than anything I've gone through in decades.  I can't consciously remember all of it, but it's in there.  A quick flashcard of now and then is enough to know enough to realize this is better.  Plus, a little to grumble about from time to time is just fine.

Oh, today?  I'm about to place a call, then head to town.  After I get back, I'll make another call or two.  And I may get to pie crusts today.  That's the plan, and it is possible.  Well, after a cup of coffee and an episode or two.  I'll make the first call, though, right away.  Later.

Imagine a crackling fire.

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Now imagine from your waistline to the top of your skull is crackling.  Ah, there you go.  It's not a fever.  My feet are cool.  My hands are roasting.  My forehead feels slightly warm, my face is as hot or hotter than my hands.  But inside my skin I am cooking in my own juices.  My back feels as if I have flaming wings.  No real fever trauma, or anything that would suggest an actual fever.  I just never know what causes this sort of thing.  The skin on my arms is actually cold, but they feel hot to my mind.  Doesn't make sense.

I don't think the heat is a physical threat.  But it does set me up for some other things.  I fear dreaming in the near future.  I still wonder about this sort of thing, billowing heat like this, is not medical.  Spiritual, of nature, perhaps.  Why should my face and forehead be hot to very hot while my eye area be cold?  Why are my arms cold to the touch while seemingly alive with flame?  Yeah.  Oh, it could be some sort of odd medical.  Maybe that is a perfectly normal fever for some.  But this isn't like normal fevers I have had, from things like the flu.

Sunday?  Hmm...  The week... month... has flown.  I am hoping to get to town again tomorrow.  I tried calling my friend while in town.  He didn't answer.  I'll call again tonight.  Either way, I do have some shopping to do.  Good night.  

Feeling a bit better.

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Curtains open on a blustery gray day.  The thermostat, both my body's and my homes, set a bit lower.  Enough coffee and painkillers to soften the edge, the mechanical migraine being cut to size.  Thankfully this migraine was caused by muscle tension, can't do much about the other kind(s).  A bit of this, updating of Pale Moon and customizing add-ons for it.  Ad-Blocker is great, but Pale Moon has a custom setup called Adblock Latitude, which can be downloaded from their site at the link.

I'm doing everything I can to clear and clean my machine.  I keep getting pop-ups, from my "security" software, suggesting all is not good.  But the software doesn't fix anything, or offer me any way to to stop the pop-ups.  Hundreds a day, centered around, from what I can tell, just two programs.  Programs named in such a way that they could be either legitimate or viruses.  I don't have enough security-foo to know which is which.  Even if I could find the differences, finding the programs, then actually removing them, might be a bit of a trick.  Seeking help, online, is comparable to bleeding in the ocean.  You are more likely to attract sharks than lifeguards.  Not sure, these days, with the internet, if there even are such things as lifeguards.  Just... money, money, money.  If not for nothing, than worse.  Ah, but at least we have the government (breaking through the back doors, leaving them open, all for our own good, don't you know).  Bleh.  Can't wait till the brownout ends.  Though it's looking like the brownout has become permanent.  Jeb?  Really?  It's good for business though.  Crony capitalist business.  No less, or more, than now.  Just a different group of favored "capitalists" munching on public dough.  I guess you get every cent you pay, I suppose unless you pay at gunpoint, innit.

Yeah, grumpy.  Because I know they are working together against our interests.  There are a few, but even they can't be trusted very far.  Populists of one bent or another.  Is that really as good as it gets?  Maybe.  For the foreseeable future that seems to be it.  It won't be a bright, or long, future though.  Maybe they really are having to compromise to keep the guts of the thing in.  I seriously doubt it, but it is possible.  I do realize, if they let it spill, it will hurt.  And for a very long time.  For generations.  But keeping it in is just creating festering madness and it will only get worse.  I am on the side of nature.  If the patient can't survive, don't Frankenstein it.  Just let it be.  They aren't, though, trying to keep it together for us.  They are used to lattes and silk, sex at a call, doses per request.  They don't even know how to handle hard things, like real life.

I may take another dose of painkillers in a few hours, then try to figure out some things.  I still have a call to make.  I will probably watch a few more episodes before doing much.  And I suspect, if I decide to make crusts, I might just make a half dozen of them at once, refrigerating what I don't use today.  Wrapped in plastic wrap, then placed in air-tight containers, they should last a few days anyway.  I used to be really good at making pie crusts.  A bit of lard and a bit of butter.  This time, probably, just butter.  Though I may break into my coconut "lard".  I've got an unopened container in the fridge.  Crusts today, then tomorrow, if I behave and clean up, the first quiche pie or two.  Oh... but I forgot cheeses.  Gah!  Always something.

Later.

Good bloody morning.

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No anger, just a serious bit of pain.  A small pile of anacin, right after medicines, I am hoping, will bring some peace to my shoulder, neck, and headache pains.  Oh, I like those, some days.  Not this particular day.  I'm not in the mood.  Usually those will fade with darkness as the day moves along.  Not today, I can tell, without a little help.  Even pain killers are merely going to sooth, not remedy.  I only missed, in the end, a single day of medication, if... I bundled to catch up an half day.  But I missed two days of insulin.  I'm not sure why it is this brutal.  I've missed, when on higher doses, for a week or two before hitting this kind of crescendo of pain.  This feels like that sort of pain set.  Hey, missing medicines, of both types, kills some people, I shouldn't complain.  Feels like I've been sapped with a blackjack.  Thing is, I know that won't do it.  I've been punched, blackjacked, and batoned in the back of the head by pros, to no good effect (for them), or even a headache the next day.  By the way, don't do that.  The last guy ended up in the hospital for a week, and I was going as easy on him as I could.  I knew he was just a dumb putz, tried not to put the hurt on him.  Would have killed him otherwise.

Right now, however, I feel as if a spike was driven into the base of my skull.  That may be why I am burning, too.  But that doesn't make sense, exactly.  I've been eating right, low carb, right amounts, mostly.  I just can't figure this out.  It happens.  It was, I think, in the 30's last night while out a bit.  I could not cool down.  I was burning up.  Got home, got everything in, stripped to a t and shorts, turned the thermo down to 66.  I'm still cooking this morning.  Feet and hands are a bit cool, but the rest of me is roasting.  Just a wee bit of nausea too.  If that is a new development.  Ugh.

No snow, but it is raining, I think.  I am almost sure I heard rain on the roof last night.  I don't know whether to wish for snow or not.  You never know how much will arrive, or how long the system will stay.  I do like the look of snow, so long as it doesn't arrive by the foot, or three, and then drop several times a week for a month or two.  That gets old fast.  A snowblower is still a good lot of work, it is merely less than a shovel... unless all hands are on deck.  Four shovels beat one snowblower, at least with what I need to clear.  Got to admit though, if I am ever a dad, it will be done with shovels.  A new friend showed me the light on that topic.

Hmm, today?  I am not sure.  I will attempt to not let this life gunk slow me down too much.  I don't know.  I did buy enough stuff to begin making quiche.  I also purchased an appliance cart.  I don't know if this is the cart I want, and I have some time to return it.  I want to try it on my steps, bringing the old water heater up, and see if my friend still needs some help with it.  If it passes muster, I'll keep it.  If not, I'll return it and go bigger and better, or different.  So many choices, many of which aren't worth it, or too specialized or weak.  Never easy, is it.  Which... for now... I actually like.  It's not always in success, but effort, that gratification can be found.  Those who find a way to only find gratification, to my mind, are often the most lost.  They can't handle reality.  I know from experimentation on a grand scale that there is no way to pure success.  That is an illusion only abiding evil can create.  That path leads to monsterhood.  So... a call, perhaps some baking and cooking, and a few other things... but not quite yet.  Coffee!  That might help with the headache too.  And pulling out of the slump.  Later.

Billowing heat.

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That's a change, from recent affairs.  I've been rather regular, temp wise, and comfortable at any temp between 68 and 74.  I turned the thermo to 74 this morning, after yesterday's cold spell.  I turn it down at night, but the room I sleep in is very cold if that is how I sleep best.  Then, in the morning, I make a guess at what will be needed, temp wise.  Today I went at 74, hoping that would be enough.  My computer room is almost as cold as my bedroom, as neither have vents, and both are in an addition that is outside of the stone part of my home.  Even so, I'm blowing off heat like a fired cast iron stove.  I can feel it wafting up, sometimes even see air blur from the rising heat.  It almost feels like a fever, but without the groggy, out of it, dreamy sensation that usually goes with fevers, for me anyway.  Go figure.  No, this is somewhat normal, or used to be.  Actually, I am usually too hot.  Something to do with health, my metabolism, and some other things.  Nothing ever quite makes exact sense, too many variables.  I have logged it before... logging food, drink, sleep times, health stats, felt and measured temp, perhaps a few other things.  A long list, and I did well at completing the log.  No pattern emerged after six months trials, several times, cross checked, so I pretty much just set the task aside.  Burning, today.  I'll probably jack the thermo down to 70, and hope that is enough.

It looks like we received rain.  Perhaps snow, but I don't think so.  It's not warm enough to have thawed.  In fact, it seems too cold to have rained.  Perhaps it was a warm front coming up from the south.  Don't know.  Then again, weather has been rather screwy for some time.  Actually, since before my last, let alone first, birth.  Even so, weather has been more stable since man walked the earth than it has been for all of the rest of earth's history, even if you abide "scientific" numbers.  I am skeptical, at best.  But it's what you think you know, if only because you have been told, and choose to believe who told you.  Just another religion.  If a false one.  Whatevs.

Feeling good, in spite of cooking.  The two don't always correlate.  Body furnace times just come and go, sometimes meaning down or up, local or regional, times.  It just fit any pattern.  Waking, this morning, has been going pretty good.  I have more hope of getting to town, but it's a slim hope.  I'll keep working on it.  Mostly dead, where mostly is the key word, but can cut both ways.  Ha!  Love me some language-foo, or is that ideal-foo?  A mix?  Whatever.  Later.

Yeah, down a bit.

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I wasn't exactly sure what the problem was.  There is, of course, less light.  But that didn't seem to be all of it.  Then, yesterday, I was aware enough to see it.  I had the thermostat cranked to 76F.  I felt cold, did what I could, but could only push it to feeling cool.  I could not warm up.  I won't push the thermostat more than that, or the girls get sick.  Seriously, at 76 I usually almost burn.  I do use that, some morning, when I need to get going.  Lately, it has been on 76 pretty much all day.  And still it isn't quite enough.  Odd, though.  I can stand outside when it is in the low 30's, in pj's, without issue.  Something odd with health going on.

I am keeping up on food, and dishes.  Still doing very small bits and pieces of things.  I didn't make it to town yesterday.  I don't know when I will.  Perhaps today.  I keep it on the menu, but I am cooked.  Pushing through just doesn't seem to work.  I am keeping my day schedule.  I am staying on meds, unless I missed yesterday.  It was a rough one yesterday.  More by feel than anything else, as I still cooked, did a small pile of dishes, and tinkered here and there.  It is sort of amazing.  Usually in this condition I am doing good to sit upright for three to six hours before crashing.  Yeah, something has changed so that even downtimes aren't devastating. 

Never mind.  I'll keep plugging, and trying to push things a bit further along.  I don't get to die soon, most likely, so I might as well shut up and get up.  Again.  Later.

Updating firmware?

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The shows that I bought, and was watching, seemed to crap out.  The player wasn't working, stopped playing the blurays half way through season six.  I figured an update was needed but I have never done one.  I didn't know how to securely find a link, what to pull down, or how to get it over.  A burned cd, perhaps, but neither of my burners are working with this computer.  There is the new laptop, but I'm not going to toss that online until I figure out what security ware is worth using and get that installed... probably offline, through a thumb drive, at that.  So...  As it turns out, there is an internet jack on the bluray drive.  A very little bit of research led me to plug it in, mess with the menu, and... it seems to be updating now.  I never leave things jacked to the internet, not even my computer anymore.  Monsters have learned to jack into everything, using it for God only knows what.  Jacking the bluetooth, hacking wi-fi, storing data, turning them into machinezombies, who knows. Still, that is one problem, potentially, down.

While doing that, I looked at the clock.  It seemed like a good time to call my mother.  But, while calling, I realized my living room clock must be way off.  It suggested it was 7:00, my phone said it was 5:34 or something, at the time I dialed.  Yeah, I hung up after a few rings.  But she will know I called, probably, if her phone grabbed the call (doesn't always).  Or I'll try back in an hour.  There is an hour difference, but that is still a bit early, I think.  Sometimes.  She is getting a bit odd with her sleep, compared to before.  She's an early riser, 8:00 is, for her, sleeping in. 

I have been tinkering with the computer itself lately.  It has a lot of problems.  It is, possibly, infected.  I have the settings on high, so maybe the indicators are false positives.  I have been running down leads, but can't seem to get solid answers.  Hackers are using programs named after legitimate programs.  Honestly, I'm not seeing a good way to differentiate.  I am not seeing a good way to get rid of them, in either case.  And my 'security ware' doesn't seem to do much, other than tell me, over and over, that it is blocking stuff.  Amazon, an update program, and possibly others.  It started up a week or two ago and I am now getting hundreds of blocks a day.  My guess is something is up, it's everywhere, most aren't even seeing it, and there isn't a fix.

Well... on to see if the update is done.  It sure was taking it's sweet time.  Then again, maybe it has just been hacked.  Or LG's service was hacked and is passing it on.  Hard to know.  It's looking rather grim out there, and we don't have anyone on our side.  Later.

Cute.

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I warned him but he wouldn't listen.  While Putin seems to be suggesting the West is an obamination, which is in part true, he just got his economy handed to him.  And, so, Eastern Ukraine, after a prisoner of war exchange, will be left to Ukraine.  Warned him, I did.  Too late though.  That isn't, now, enough.  He has upset some plans and there is no place for that sort of behavior.  Russia, too, will be punished.  Even if he is a Hitler or a Stalin, the times that allowed those monsters is over.  Monsters work in a different paradigm, and do not wish to rile the masses with the old school ways.  Cuts into profits, or in this case, the illusion of a reasonable economy.  Yes, punishment.  For helping people remember what they fight against.

I realized something, watching a vid I posted in a comment, and the comments about that.  Part of why I have done and seen the things I have, wasn't to help me order survival.  It was to realize I cannot save anyone.  Not of soul, not of flesh, not even myself.  That isn't in my hands.  I saw not only what I could lose, but what I will lose.  I saw the truth, and tried to alter it, in many ways.  I also saw nuances of a cosmic order.  Hell on earth is nothing compared to hell.  No matter the pain, the loss, the blood, the death.  Hell on earth is limited by life.  Hell is not limited by anything.

The battles that will occur between good and evil are not salvational.  They are merely to be fought to end time quicker, for evil, and to stall that, for good.  A city, or nation, living, and dying, doing right and sinning.  Almost everyone is already saved.  They merely need to choose it, and not get lost in false options or doubt.  The rest?  It will be remembered as it is, a picture show, lived out to it's end.  The only thing important, in it all, is whether an individual chose Christ, and took their cross, or not.  Both are required.  The big things, and other people, are not in our hands.  Women choose by choosing a right man, men choose by abiding as well, but more directly.

You don't have to like it.  I certainly didn't.  I looked, I would guess, in my own very unique ways, at every option.  I dug through the trash, I looked through the stores, I went high and low.  I searched myself, others, and things you can't know.  I looked for any other way... to heaven.  My stubbornness, and God's will, kept me from the consequences, but also from the answer.  Until I ran out of options.  Even then, I didn't care too much for the notion.  He was very patient.  Until, finally, I stumbled in, sure that this was just another wrong way, somehow.  It was the only road left, I realized.  It really isn't that bad.  Actually, I could beat myself for struggling so hard against it.  The way, however, isn't as it would seem.  There are better, and worse, places to find it.  As Christ said, find it where you are, not where you want it to be, or how you want it to be.

Those first steps are not easy.  What?  No sex on demand?  No this, no that?  Well... mostly.  Until your footing becomes more sure, that will be piecemeal.  The hungers will feed on themselves.  In time, you will understand your hunger, the needs and wants behind them, and how to be right with them.  Once on the path, and well, temptation will weaken.  Oh, they never quite fully go away.  But the hungers will become quite manageable. Further, when you do fall, you will know how to fix that.  It's almost all wash and wear.  If that is humbling, as if being a baby while knowing what you do.  *splat*  Still, humble and clean is better than dirty. 

So... don't worry.  Don't try to just be happy though either.  Happiness sneaks up on you when doing what is right.  Just look to God and follow.  Follow the light, bear against the dark, fight it if that is before you, suffer it if you must, but do not let it be your focus.  Right through hell on earth.  While facing God, you can never be naked, dead, stripped of anything.  Away from Him and you have no hope, no matter how strong, fast, influential, rich, poor, or how much you believe in a false justice.  Just trust me.  I've seen as many options, more actually than I can remember fully. 

Nap?

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It's what I saw on the menu, and ordered.  I went down after noon.  I can't be sure, but somewhere between noon-thiry and 14:30, I would guess.  I set the alarm for 17:00, expecting to wake more like 16:00.  I remember fussing with the alarm, but no details.  I didn't wake until about 1:30.  Some nap.  Glad I didn't order a whole night of sleep!  Must have needed it.  Sure enjoyed it.  I dreamed.  A lot.  The dreams are just on the tip of my tongue.  Nothing harsh, just typical dreams.  I remember two of the many, as I was waking.  One seems to be totally gone, the other as I mentioned is just out of reach. 

If I want to get out today, I'll probably need to nap.  The stores don't open until 10:00.  I doubt if I can make it that far and get out.  So, somewhere around 6:00 to 8:00 I will try to hit it.  I guess I can't wait until I've run the tank dry, or that close to it, before napping.  I think the temps out there have simply dipped, and winter is officially here.  I'll have to acclimate.  No real problem, I think.  Part of what one of my dreams told me.  This used to be much more difficult, adjusting for seasonal change.  It's improved.  This year is looking very good.  This is a very small bump on the road, this I can handle and recover from quickly.  Mostly.  Probably.

Still a bit tired.  That is to be expected.  It is getting better though.  The fog has slowly been lifting.  I am hoping to be fully back in the saddle in a week or less, but on to doing things today.  To town, for sure, whatever it takes.  Later.

Ugh.

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Breakfast, and clean up from that and supper.  Watching episodes of the show.  Struggling to get going.  I did check my accounts.  It looks like a dolly might be in the works.  And a shirt I was considering has been ordered.  While it isn't my style, at all... texture, type, or... wait, I am sort of into cheesecake, just usually on a calendar, not on clothing.  Still, it's the idea.  And, yes, I will wear it when it arrives, to particular places.  *grins*  I wasn't sure about sizing.  Why, with a 52" chest, I generally wear only extra large, I can't say.  And yet that is true.  Usually.  So I ordered my usual size and one size up.  If all else fails, I am pretty sure I can get my money back by reselling the one that doesn't fit.  Yeah, I could capitalize, but I won't.  I will try to make sure whoever buys it intends on wearing it, then just break even on the sale.  On some things, it's how I work.

I am gimping, a bit.  Can't say why.  Most projects, other than feeding the face, the girls, and showering have come to a stop.  I've been tinkering with the thermostat, but that doesn't seem to be helping.  I just can't get going.  The next real task is to clean the spot of syrup off the carpet, prep the living room for using the steam vac, then get to that.  I'm just not able to get to it.  There are other jobs, chores, and such I could get to, but this one seems to be, to me anyway, the most likely to succeed in short order.  It'll take cleaning the spot several times each day over several days to actually get the spot out enough that I am satisfied.  I can arrange the room in the meantime, for an easier total clean.  Vacuuming again, then wet vacuuming, then a few days to dry. 

So many things I need to do, and want to do.  But first, really, I need to get to town.  I have a bunch of things to do there.  Which will start some other projects, mostly cooking, when I return.  Mushroom, goat cheese, and spinach; bacon and cheddar; and some other sorts of quiche.  And, as I mentioned, going with home made crusts.  Butter, cream, mushrooms, bacon, spinach, fresh flour, eggs, leeks, onion, parsley...  perhaps a few other things.  On top of a thumb drive or two and a heavy duty dolly if I can find one in town.  Bleh...  A nap, I think.  Then a shower.  Then, if I can, a trip to town.  Later.

Alright?

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Maybe.  I crashed pretty hard and a bit early last night.  I set the alarm, giving myself plenty of time to rest.  I just didn't know if I would need it or not.  The hope was to wake earlier, and I did.  Sometime between 2:00 and 3:00 I woke, for the second or third bathroom break, then couldn't get back to sleep.  I'm not sure with three wakes for that, it's rather unusual.  I don't worry about something that happens once, only if it becomes chronic.  Too many odd things happen, health wise, to worry.

I'm still a bit weary, as I have been for the last several days.  That appears to be improving, but slowly.  I am still eating at least daily, and taking care of dishes easily on the side.  Well, and other things.  Nothing big, it's difficult to focus and target projects, but I am doing little bits of this and that when I see, remember, or can focus.  Not bad, really.  I am sort of amazed at this downturn.  I mean, this is seriously good for a downturn.  Amazing, really. 

No, I didn't make it to town yesterday.  I was simply cooked, baked, fried, unable.  Today, I hope.  I would like to shop for a couple of thumb drives, bigger ones, with which to update files, perhaps even install security ware through them, onto the laptop, before I hook it in.  I also want to look at dollys.  Well, and I wouldn't mind finding ceramic baking beads, or such.  Plus, I need various items for quiche and a few other meal types.  Essentially, I am reviewing rough recipes, then will take my time and practice making quiche until I have it down.  I know some people who might enjoy a free meal or two.  There is no other way to get a skill down.  I had thought to buy pie crusts, but I think I will make those myself.  Perhaps a bit of both to compare?  And I should see if my friend still needs help.  I'm not the snappiest friend, but the intention is there.

I may, if I can keep on it, while waking this morning, make a few calls.  It's been difficult to remember things, mostly going off instinct and happenstance lately, if not doing too badly even so.  But the bigger, more distant, more involved, more out of sight things... those have been difficult to get to.  I'm just, possibly, improving enough that I might be able to get to a small cache of required events and sooner rather than later.  I'll... figure it out.  Later.

Death is not preferred.

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Freak.  Call me what you wish.

God spoke, vicariously, through a dream.  The message was sure.  I heard.  Initially, in my grogginess, I could not fathom the meaning.  Death is not preferred.  I asked, debated, but knew.  Yes, I knew.  Further, about whom I knew.  I just didn't... want to know.  I wished only to end, end them, and it.  No, you don't understand.

A bit pinched.

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Between sleep oddities, a promise to help a friend, and a scheduled event last evening, my last few days have been... difficult.  Without anything else, I saw the opportunity to retake days back into scheduled focus.  That alone was a bear.  The weather has cooled, and changed, adding effort to the existing rigor.  Then, I was told there would be an event.  A Christmas show, which I really wished to attend.  Yeah, I am an ogre.  And yet, it is a good thing, even to me.  Music, fellowship, with attention on Christ, God, the Holy Spirit.  Twenty years ago, I might have barked a laugh at such an invitation.  No, not for the reasons suspected.  I wasn't worthy.  I still question that, a bit.  But God did ring.  I have followed to where He led, as well as I am able.  I bowed, went to my knees really, in humility and for forgiveness.  Even when standing I try to remain on my knees.  Always in God's presence, if I don't always see it... or remember.

Anyway, I have been keeping a day schedule, mostly.  It's been very rough.  Not much else happening.  I haven't completely dogged out of life.  Food, dishes, minor upkeep, showering, medicine.  It is bottom of the barrel stuff, compared to recent weeks and months, but it is a decent baseline.  Even the girls have noticed, and appreciate, the new step up to the plate of life.  Messing with me is much more fun when, on the spur of a moment, I will pop up and hunt them back.  Cats love the give and take of hunting and being hunted, attention seeking and giving, if at random moments for best results.

Today I am hoping to keep going well enough to finally get to town early enough to look for a number of things.  I want to do a pricecheck for a heavy duty dolly, and perhaps see if local prices for Lightroom 5.  I found one that does stairs (supposedly) rather well.  The problem is it doesn't handle much weight.  I can't swear how much a washer, dryer, or refrigerator weigh, but I am guessing my dryer is into the #100-200 pound area, and in a tight spot, so difficult to manage even more so.  As I have been keeping up on the place, and doing more, I am hoping to clear and clean the back porch.  Under the machines, and all.  But I really need a strong dolly for that.  And, next year, I hope to buy a new refrigerator... one that is specifically easy to clean and has a good reputation for maintaining temperature control.  I hate meats refreezing in the refrigerator.  Refreezing makes meat bland.  Bought frozen or fresh, it was at least frozen once before.  If "fresh", then it is definitely already twice frozen.  A third refreezing, or fourth depending on how the butcher worked it, really things out the value of the meat.  Yeah, yeah, most don't know, or care.  It's just protein, right?  Nutritional, and flavor, values, take a hit each time, from what I understand.

Anyway, yes, I am hoping to make a trip to town.  Not, most likely, until around noon.  Maybe early afternoon.  It's as good as I can do.  I have managed to get sleep in order, for daytime, but it's been, and remains, quite a bit of an effort.  I don't know if I will be able to keep it going.  There isn't much daylight, mind you, but it's more a clock than light schedule.  If it doesn't hold, I will begin spinning through day and night again.  We'll see.  Oh... while in town I need to remember to pick up ingredients for quiche.  I will be making three or four, to practice.  Bacon in some, mushroom in other, with leek and spinach for vegetables,  cheese of various sorts, and cream, in all.  Perhaps fresh chopped parsley in a few of them, maybe onion and garlic as well, in some.  Hopefully I will get a picture of any that turn out to my liking, while exhibiting photogenic properties.

For now, a few cups of coffee, a couple of episodes of the show, then a shower and air dry time.  A bit pinched, certainly.  But pinched no longer means completely lame.  Later.

A bit off, a bit rough.

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Not too bad.  Just not as good as it has been.  Pushing my clock around hasn't been easy.  I wasn't doing it on purpose, it just turned out that way as I was trying to get some things done.  I keep doing this and that, adding little tasks in when I can.  I am slowing down.  Fewer extra tasks, fewer main tasks.  Weather may be shifting a bit too.  Still, not bad.

Today I am hoping to get into town, to see what is available for a dolly, and then help my friend out.  I was able to stay awake until past 19:00, then slept a full night.  The body is a bit sore and tired.  But I am keeping up on the house.  Not the best but not too bad.  As for the camera, all I really need to do is practice with it, if I do want to do some research on a couple of shooting scenarios.  This time taking notes.  The problem with research and study is you can end up doing that until your eyes bleed and it won't end up helping you produce a good shot.  Between variabilities that can't be foreseen, the reality that reading isn't the same as doing, and mechanics versus thought, the only way to get a reliably good photograph in a particular setting is to practice a great deal.  So... that is what I am going to have to do.  Still, a couple of notes to give me something to work with while flopping or even succeeding but not quite optimally, would be good.

This week I am hoping to get to some business in which calls and sending packages might be necessary.  There are a couple of minor, but important, tasks regarding home upkeep, and a few social projects.  But, really, this week is mostly going to be easy.  I don't quite have what it takes to begin tearing into the whole bedroom, or tearing apart the en suite, or... anything big.  Just a bunch of little things, along with keeping up on dishes, laundry, and such.  Changing sleep schedule really beats me up, and weather changes can knock me down a peg or two.  Even so, even in this weakened state, I am doing better now than I did in my best condition this summer.  I'll take it.

Later.

Slow, but getting there.

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Dishes are rinsing, I bagged everything several times.  It makes it slicker to just grab the top bag, and whatever is in there, and get it to the trash or recycling, when there are several bags underneath.  Same with waste baskets.  I dished out just enough burger mac and cheese for a lunch, heating that on a paper plate in the micro.  I'm just not moving fast, otherwise.

I am hoping to get the dishes done in an hour or so, take a shower, and head to town.  I am not sure I will make it.  The batteries are running quite low already.  It's not that I worked a lot, though I have put in a decent minor effort.  It's more that my clock is all messed up from over and undersleeping.  I more just ended up being awake at this time of day from all else.  I seem to have switched my time without changing my clock.  Tomorrow might be as early as I can get to town.  I won't plan for anything else, and will push my day today on into early evening.  It's as good as I can do, I believe.

At least I don't need chips, a reader, or some of the other things I was worried about.  I would like to get a rather robust dolly though.  No, not G.I. Barbie... a appliance dolly, one that works on stairs.  I want to clean out the back porch, and need it anyway.  But it will help in doing a job for my friend.  Yeah, I have other things in mind for it, like moving some furnishings and such out of my bedroom.  I had one, but it pretty much crumbled moving straight weights.  It was just for lighter stuff, I guess.  I'm hoping to find one that does those things, plus folds down to a cart.  Might not be possible, but worth searching.  I may get in to town earlier tomorrow, to look for such a device at a couple of places.  I'm looking online, too.  Price comparison.

Yeah, well, back to life.  Later.

Sometimes taking out the trash is more than it seems.

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This trash day was the first, I believe, chance to get rid of the boxes and old rug removed during house cleaning.  Between then and now I simply had too much trash, and no recycling day.  I had forgotten.  When I put the trash and recycling bags in the bins, and headed to the curb, I noticed the pile that was supposed to go.  I wasn't really feeling up to it.  Still, a deal is a deal.  More, I did not want this pile getting buried under snow, rotting until spring, and then dealing with it then.  When snow will come, and stay, is anyone's guess.  Overdue, if you ask me.  So... I had to pull bags out, squish and push this and that.  The rug was a bear to work with.  While we haven't gotten snow to stay, we have gotten snow and rain.  I would guess this thing is seven by twelve.  Dry it's a bit of a bugger, wet it's a bear, to manage.  Still, after this and that, I got rid of the rug, then broke, bent, and stuffed the boxes into recycling.  Done.  Yeah, I went around the cave, picking up anything that needed to go, emptying the waste baskets here and there, so it's a straight job.  Damn I'm doing good.

A bit of a break after that.  The dishes should be ready for a final wash shortly.  While these dishes and pots weren't left for long, they still needed a soak.  Cheese, burger, mac is messy.  It sticks to pots, it sticks to silverware, it's messy.  I have everything down, pretty much, to a shine though.  I just like that final wash, to be sure, and to get the last bits of grease out.  After that, a shower.  While showering, I will make sure the tub gets cleaned from after the dishes.  The tub is really looking good.  I had thought the porcelain had been scratched down to the iron.  Seems not to be the case, and all the porcelain is quite nice... if not quite perfect yet.  Good enough for a dame to take a hot soak and be relatively happy with it.  But not quite to spick and sparkle.  Might not be possible, it's older and the place is dusty.

Yeah, a couple of shows, perhaps the final wash and setting up a rinse, a couple more shows, then drying and putting dishes away.  Another show and a shower.  And, finally, a trip to town.  Later today, when I get back... or tomorrow... I'll deal with all the new boxes that have arrived.  Some need to be saved, some will be set aside for a specific group of items that may need to be sent, but some may just go away.  I'm liking keeping up, as good as I can.  Some days, though, you will lose.  I will.  I can only do so much.  Later.

Extra sleep.

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After waking last night, and writing about the dream with supper on the way, I realized I needed more sleep.  I had cut sleep shy yesterday, to wake.  Then I slept long after, to catch up.

I was hoping to be awake in time to get trash and recycling out, then to the curb.  I think that will get done.  I set the alarm for 6:00, just in case, but woke right at about 4:00.  I've reset dishes from yesterday, washing as I went.  I cleaned the stove, and cooking counters, off yesterday.  Then set up dishes.  Doing that right before my first bedtime, I really didn't have a chance to finish them.  Lunch was just before that, so I honestly didn't have time for a one day cook to clean shot.  I was still too tired when I woke to mess with it, as proof I went pretty much right back to bed.  After I get the trash and recycling handled, though, I believe I will give the dishes a final wash, set them to soak, and probably have them dried and put up by noon.  And a shower after that.  Hmm, if I have enough energy, I might even strop the razor and give that a go. 

I rinsed off the face with the trimmer recently.  The razor shaving isn't going as fast or well as I had hoped.  No gaping bloody wounds, but it's not as good as could be hoped.  I have everything but the cloth strop, for honing further with the high grit razor lapping compound.  I'm not sure when that will be in.  I suppose I will need to check the post box for that more often, along with my whatever my mother sent.  All good.  Still, with the whiskers all shorter, perhaps easier to cut, I would live to give the straight razor, as is, a bit more practice.  Yeah, crazy, I suppose.  But it's a hobby that, eventually, will pay.  In time I may collect old razors and fix as needed, then hone, and just have as a collection... or for barter and training.  I see now why men often went bearded before the advent of modern razors or easy affordable access to barbers.  Though even those are rather rough.  I am honestly hoping, with some skill, that this sort of shaving will be better on the skin.  No telling, I suppose, until I get good.  Practice makes as perfect as possible.

Other than those things, I do need to get to town earlier this afternoon.  My friend needs a favor, so...  I meant to have that done Friday, I think, but it didn't work out.  Then Sunday, but that didn't work out.  So today it is.  One way or the other, I will get in and take care.  I may sniff around a few computer shops, seeing if any of the hobbyists have heard much about the various security programs and suites.  Stay away from the minimalists.  I've looked there.  Going cheap, or to the smallest footprint, is for those who are, essentially, cheap or stylistically inclined.  Much as with writing in such a way, few are really good at it.  I am not among them.  Most noobs, even, especially I should so, if they think five years is a long time, have no clue.  Mostly.  Just notes and considerations will be taken, no purchases... save perhaps a larger thumb drive.  I used both I purchased for repair and settings images.  So, a couple more, for now, to transfer any photos, once edited, for posting.  That'll work for now.

Later.

Such dreams.

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I saw parts of my life.  I saw through my eyes, and the eyes of others, from the past.  I do, and have always, considered myself an ugly man.  Half giant, half man, all ugly.  I never did understand how I was able to be with many of the women I was with.  I didn't rate, as I accounted things.  Frankenstein type ugly.  It's how I see things, only worse as I grew older, gained weight.  Yes, between sixty and maybe eighty lovers, some of them the type men kill, and die, for.  I was never really into that killing and dying for a woman thing.  She either worked, and was available, or not.  If I do easily know the difference.

Hmm, little surprises.

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After setting aside reviews for security software, I turned my attention to installing photoshop.  At least that went simply enough.  Yes, it wants me to join something.  Initially, it seems, all programs offer something free.  Then they ask for your wallet.  Always.  No thanks.  Further, not being connected to the internet, or a way for the device to connect otherwise, no dice.  I wonder how much junk will wake up as soon as I do connect the device?  Lots, probably.  You would think we were tourists in the poorest African nation, eating a ham sandwich, with all the hands out when a new machine connects to the internet.  Half of those hands, even if offered a few dollars, would be stealing whatever else they could get their hands on while being funded.

Still, that went on easily enough.  After that, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that there is a card reader indicated by the hardware setup.  So I went looking.  What I had thought was a minor vent, after closer inspection, appeared to be a card reader.  Even closer inspection showed there to be two letters, on the underside of the case... sd.  So... I tried it.  Look, machines don't come with manuals, at all, anymore.  They don't come with anything but a cord and the machine.  I tried the sd slot and it worked.  So... I can now take raw files and shift them to the machine.  I will have to figure out photoshop.  Actually, I have two pictures, and moved them over.  Photoshop, or the one I have, isn't very good at touching up RAW files though.  The pictures are too dark.  While P.S.'s RAW lab does brighten them a bit, I can't get much more out of it.  I don't know how it saves, so I don't want to mess with saving adjustments.  I was hoping for more.  RAW files hold serious data.  This lab just doesn't offer much in adjusting that data.  Then again, I just started tinkering.

I found a way to download a free copy of P.S.'s manual.  But I doubt if that will be worth a crap.  Manuals were written to give union employees work, not to inform the public.  Often they aren't even accurate, on top of being written by technical writers for reasons other than being informative.  It's a 9:00 to 5:00 job that satisfies some union rules for number of hires, hires not intended for the best and the brightest.  The companies don't care, the employees don't care.  Bleh.  Still, it might have something useful in it.  YouTube has become lame lately.  Between seeming trying to end music access, pushing politically correct topics, trying to force multicultural crap, and not showing good posts with their search engine... almost trying not to show what was sought more like, I haven't been able to find much of any use on their site... for a long time.  Working with them has become closer to pulling teeth than the breeze it has been.

Never mind, I'll figure the program out, or find one that works.  Grumpy, a bit, dealing with stupid tech, unions, political correctness, and the rest of it.  But... I'm not alone.  A lot of people are camping it out, looking for solutions.  Corps and .gov can only do so much.  The damn is not just about to break, it is broken.  It just hasn't spilled through yet.

Not bad, really.  Even with the weight of a dozen apes on my back, I have gotten the systems working, and as good as is possible so far.  I think, for a while, I will go back to researching security for the laptop.  This old os X machine is pretty much done.  There isn't much to do to save it.  Old tech, with MS working to undermine it as much as possible to force people to a newer os.  But the hardware, itself, is probably nearing the end of the line as well.  Now to just figure out the new junk.  Hey, if that were a car, it would be called a classic... in car years.  First, though, I think I will see if P.S. has better ways of working with RAW files, or if that really is it, and how it saves... or how to change how it saves.

It's must be getting colder, or my fridge is set wrong or misbehaving.  It's freezing meat when I thaw it and put it in there.  Hmm... could tinker with it's thermostat I suppose.  I am hungry.  Waiting on the meat to thaw.  I wonder if I turned the thermostat down this summer, in my illness, and forgot.  With extremes in temp, and an older refrigerator, that may just be required.  Hungry, dang it.  Perhaps the meat is rethawed.  Later.

Yeah, well.

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I've been looking over internet and anti-virus programs all night.  Most of it looks fail.  There is better and worse fail, but honestly, none of it is truly outstanding.  Free stuff is worth every dime, cheap stuff even less.  But paying more doesn't seem to help much.  Basically, it looks like hackers are seriously on top at this point.  Then again, they probably pay better than paying users.  Truth is, if you have a computer, someone else is using it.  Smart phone, tablet, doesn't matter.  If it connects through wi-fi, potentially bluetooth if there is something nearby that can control it that has access to wi-fi, your device is pwned.  It just comes down to who else is using it.  Better and newer means only .govs and .corps, unless they rent the use to others.  I have security on this machine, but I don't honestly care for it.  It, like the rest probably, works right up until it doesn't.  I can never quite tell if it's doing anything.  It doesn't tell me what it does to what it finds.  And, often, I get repeat problems that it just doesn't seem to do anything with.  currently, it is blocking something like amazonawd, or such, from internet access.  The last time I checked, it had refused access 90 times in an hour or three.  No option to fix or change anything, for me.  It just says it blocked access.  Hmm, haven't seen it messing around lately.  Either it succeeded or stopped, but viruses don't stop, so...

I will probably set security suites and software reviews aside.  I'm not getting anywhere with it anyway.  I'll just install photoshop and see where I can go from there.  If I happen to get that up and going, I'll then mess with some things, and figure out how to transfer a couple of pictures over, after taking them and figuring out how to transfer them.  My machine says it has a card reader.  I'll look again, perhaps it's some sort of internal card though.

Yes, I sprayed the bathtub for one more cleaning.  It may be about as good as it is going to get.  I'll mess around in there, then figure out what to eat.  Mac and cheese sounds good, maybe with tuna.  I don't think I have marinara sauce, or spaghetti type sauces.  Yeah, they are a bit different, somehow.  I use them interchangeably, for the most part.  More shows, as I think about installing photoshop.  Too many electronic things to mess with at once.  It'll get done, eventually.  Later.