Sleep cycles are way off.

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I thought I was going to get to bed early... earlier... last night.  Nope.  I don't think I crawled in until... nearing sunup?  Damned vampirism!  I did get dishes started.  Most of the last?  Most?  I... am really getting down.  Things I thought I might throw out.  But stainless cookie sheets and those sorts of items are so expensive.  I just... have to try to clean them.  Stored, unclean, for quite a while.

Just soaked, last night.  Two trays of dishes.  Big, bus boy cart, type trays.  Stacked, the only way they fit even in the tub.  I'll drain them shortly, then hit them with one more soak.

On to bed.

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I did get the phone reset.  There is that.  Then did some financial business.  As well, I received news.  I had sent an email, hoping a text could be sent for me.  Since I wasn't sure the phone would get reset today or not.  Bits and pieces of other things are going on.  Not bad.  Not great.  But... doing... four or five things, on any given day, is... a lot for me.  Well, when I am in this... fallen state of affairs.

No complaints.  It doesn't hurt.  I don't hurt.  Mostly.  Some muscles ache, I think that is just catching up on me from earlier in the week.  A bump, or just various lifting I have done.  I like to believe it was from works, and it may well have been.  Just... drowsy, difficult to warm up, impossible to stand for long.  Problems like that.

Someone...

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Saying something?

Certainly saw something.

Well, there is that.

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I woke up around midnight, a bit before?  Took a shower.  Set up dishes.  Reset laundry, and now will go change that around.  Brush my teeth a final time then on back to bed.

I made a run to the post.  Was something in?  It was.  So, I got that, and the rest of my mail.  Then, being out, went to town for a bit of food.  Wasn't sure.  There were two places open, I got food.

Strange.

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I turned the heat up.  It's now warm.  And I am crashing.  So very tired.  So?  So on back to bed.

The music has just been pouring in tonight.  Music I haven't seen in a decade.  Some of it I thought was gone.  Some of it I am sure was gone.  If someone else put it back up, quietly, would it fill the same place it had been in?  Or is that just them taking it down but putting it back up through tech, not through law?  I just can't say.

Ah, that's why it went quiet.

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I had the sense that precip was still falling, but the pounding, then pitter-patter, of rain hitting slowed and stopped.  Quiet.  Almost an unearthly quiet.  Even so, as mentioned I had the sense of something happening out there.  Snow.

Sure is pretty.  So far it hasn't caused a problem with the driveway.  Melting fast enough.  Or sidewalk.  But it's still coming down.  Will find before long how much will end up sticking, or freezing.

Awake, finally?

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I started waking at 10:30.  Didn't actually wake until 14:30.  If, then, trying to push through the day longer.  In an attempt to flip my days again.  It's been the same wake time, give or take, for days.  I can't push or pull the time around.  I'll keep trying.

A bit rough this morning.  Out of meds.  Need to call the VA.  But, again, my phone is dead.  I have to get in and pay it up.  I need the phone for other things too.  I'll look around, perhaps there are meds, still, somewhere.  Or not.  Will have a look, when I can wake.

A salad.

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Enough good (enough) lettuce.  The ranch dressing was still good (enough).  So, mixed and matched, ground fresh pepper, and... supper.  It wasn't fantastic, but it wasn't bad.  It... just... was.  Then again?  The steak salad?  Just was.  The fatted coffee?  Just was.  Pizza the other day?  Just was.  Most food just was, or is.  The beans and brats was a surprise, a good one.  And... blood sugar didn't elevate, too much.

Well, actually, it didn't elevate at all.  Even while pseudo fasting, blood sugar had creeped up to ~150, giver or take half a score.  Which doesn't make sense, unless my body is eating lean muscle in order to make carbs.  And... yes.  It'll do that.  It should stick with the fat, and I still have plenty.  Remember, a lean adult human has about 100k calories on their frame.  Women probably have more, even if trim (for a woman... women have more bodyfat... just facts, madam).

Not the best?

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True.  Mostly just passable.  But... that is enough.

In part, I crisped the outside a bit much.  Getting closer, to the control I want, need.  Three minutes on each side, twice.  I might take that down to two minutes.  I have shunted the outer grill most of teh way down.  I might close it off just a bit more.  Got a bit too toasty... toasted.  Though the inside was raw enough for my tastes.  Getting there.

The steak is good.

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I opened the package.  Did a visual and odor checks.  Checked firmness.  Looked it over closely.  Looks good.  It's a ribeye, not prime but it will do.  So I salted it lightly, peppered it just a bit, wrapped it back up, then put it in the (cold) oven to brine for forty minutes.  Ah... the timer.

I'll go get the grill lit and going.  Then, in twenty minutes, if it is going well still, or then, I'll put the steak on.  As well, a salad.  If... the lettuce is still good.  Blood sugar is down to 122, a 29 point drop.  Will keep trying to stay with carnivore.  Though, I think, instead of trying to buy steaks in advance, and freezing them (or other meat)?  I'm going to get to town, try, at least weekly.  Getting fresh burger, fresh steak, fresh... whatever meat.  To be eaten in days.

Awake.

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Awake for a while.  Just a slow day.  Overcast.  It is 51 out there.  Tempted to open up, but the breeze is just a bit too cool.  So, no.  Still, there was yesterday.  And, more days on the way, in time.

Sleep was very good.  Having eaten, filled, helped.  Blood sugar is 151 fasting.  Given that I ate beans yesterday, I'm surprised it is that low.  It should lower through the day.  But... what to eat today?  I'll try to sort through to something.  No more brats, I burned out on those.  Is there a steak thawed in the fridge?  If so, is it any good?  Lettuce, but is it any good?  Dressing?  That might be old, but could put an italian vinegar, oil, spice, and herb mix together easily.  Will find out.

Amazing.

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I figured, with two cans of beans down with, in the end, seven brats?  Did... I mention I was hungry?  And, yes, I did finish the last of it, rather than holding off.  Anyway, I figured blood sugar would be stratospheric.  It is 116?  Okay.  Well, though sometimes it takes a while to kick up.  So, will see tomorrow.

I keep sensing women.  Some I know.  Some I definitely don't.  Sniffing around the blog.  The new couldn't be finding the music, could she?  Several, but one with focus.  Checking... something, for something, about something.  A sense.  Women get a feel, and dig until... they find.  Intuition?  I know that curse, if not all of their problems.  Anyway.

Much better than anticipated?

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Though, I had two packs of brats.  One beef, one pork and jalapeno.  I went with the latter.  As well, I pulled the mustard and used that.  Very good.  Oh, yes, just the "cheap, yellow, kids' stuff" mustard.  But, it has no sugar, and the only thing dubious was "natural flavors".  Which... is probably anything but natural.  Still, for now, it was good enough.  And, really?  It was rather tasty.

I baked the brats for an half hour, starting from a cold oven.  Then added the beans and some water for another twenty, at 385 (at sea level I would have done that at about 350).  It worked, very well.  Some of the top beans became a bit dry, but the vast majority were fine.  As well, once stirred into the bean gravy, it all went back to moist.

Chilly.

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A few hours with everything open.  At least one window in each room, with four in the kitchen and entry hall open.  All doors open, even the front, a crack.  The furnace, of course, off.  If the furnace fan going as always.  With it being 54 and breezy out there, it got to 64 inside.

I just closed up.  Turning the furnace on and up, and turning the heat on up here in the front.  Yes, was... getting a bit cold.  Very nice though.  Any day that hits the mid fifties will see this sort of effort.  Fresh air is so very nice.  This home is fairly airtight, with the new window in.

Rough?

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Slight aches and pains.  Lost control of sleep.  Can't eat much.  But, I suppose, not truly rough.  Just... not in control, not moving forward, not getting things done, and not able to switch gears, rock it back and forth from drive to reverse to escape the ruts, stuck.  Not a bad place to be, just... the doldrums.

When it gets like this, I just have to wait it out.  Coffee, fatted coffee, shortly.  It isn't helping, but it does add calories, and calories of a sort I can use, handle to take in.  The caffeine, at this point in my health or wellness cycle, might as well be water.  Still, I'll... take it.

At least there was that.

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The chicken was... okay.  It was edible.  Not tasty, not really juicy, but the way I did it left it moist enough... even the breast meat.  My main problem?  Everything tastes like cardboard.  Meat... chicken, steak, pickled pork, meat sticks.  Tastes like cardboard?  Okay, no?  No... it does.  But there is more to it than that.  It also feels, in my stomach, as if I ate cardboard.  Bread and canned corned beef, I'll bet even sardines... tasting very bland, and feeling like I have what of my stomach I can fill, filled with cardboard.

Why?  I can't say.  No nausea.  There is that.  But there is a sense of hunger.  I WANT to eat, feel full, get nutrients in there.  But it's as if I really don't need it.  Want versus need.  But the want is almost rising the the level of need, just... not an actual nutritional need?  The need to be fed, to eat, not to get vitamins and minerals, fat, protein, and some carbs in.  Though, maybe there is some need for that?

Just not doing it.

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Tea, a fatted coffee, and water through the day.  I really wanted something more to eat.  Nothing quick, or easy really.  I found keto bread in the freezer.  Bagged with five slices per pack.  I pulled some out, toasted those to thaw and ready them.  Than added canned corned beef.  That was... pretty empty.

I am thinking about sardines, and not.  Another fatted coffee?  Maybe.  Nothing is really thawed, available.  I just don't know what I can do.  But I do need more.  Hmm, there are eggs.  But, I'd rather have boiled.  But that is too much work for now, probably for tonight.  Don't know.

Ah, right.

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Down by four, up here at just a bit after 14:00.  I was hoping to get a shower, set dishes to soak, and get the trash and recycling together and out.  All I was able to do was get recycling and garbage together and out, then to the curb.  I heard one of them earlier, before waking.  Then, saw the refuse truck visit and pick that up just as I was getting things going.

It is 50 out there!  For heavens sake, that is definitely spring.  Very nice.  Pleasant in very good ways.

Patterns. Part II

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I... thought.

Ended up here.

Patterns.

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I saw it.  In pieces, bits, parts, over a short time?

I enjoyed, immensely.  Hmm?  Oh, here.

Very late down, and up.

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After six, down.  Nearing seven?  Or so.  Not awake until.. 13:00?  15:00?  I... can't be sure, remember.  Slept a bit rough.  Figured out, after forcing myself awake to find the problem.  Cold.  Bitter cold.  It dropped, snapped, chilled hard, from more reasonable weather lately.  Cold, hard, fast.  So I... got the electric blanket on, and going.  That didn't really work.  I had to layer it under the duvet.

But, with that done, even blind with exhaustion, in the dark, I... was able to sink back to sleep and get some fine rest through the rest of the night.  It wasn't the cold, it was the cold snap.  That sudden hit of bitter cold.  It was 54, which isn't terrible, up there.  But, it has been 60~61, mostly, up there, for the last few weeks.  So that sudden change is what caught me out.  Well, maybe on top of working a lot lately, and pulling a double shift yesterday, for no good reason.