Lots of sleep.

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More on the way?  I got up at either 16:00 or 2:00 pm?  Messed up.  I just couldn't figure out the time.  And when I tried to switch it from 24:00 to 12:00 times, I... lost or gained hours.  I was way too tired to stay awake.  So, I fed Sassy, took medicine, and went back to sleep.  Or... that sort of became the plan.  I think I did it.

Two to six hours later I woke up again.  The plan was to take medicine, then go back to sleep.  I did take the medicine.  I did roll back in to sleep.  I just didn't stay asleep.  I think, think now, it was 18:00 when I got up.  As much as an half an hour later, or two hours earlier, but... I think 18:00.  It's 21:18 now.

Blood sugar is 113 today, finally.  A bit lower is nice.  I'll have another coffee.  See if that helps again.  A bit more gaming, until the coffee goes down.  Then back to bed.  Ugh.  So... tired.  Body hurts just a bit.  Oh well.

Beef soup, stew.

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Burger, beef broth, cream cheese, steamed until mixed and done.  No hot spices this time.  It's good, but I don't want it every time.  Besides, if I want a cupa hot stuff, that's doable.  I think I'll have another round.  So far, though, I've only had a bit.  A cup?  Two at most.  Yes, I'll have another round of about that much.

Rough.  In a way.  It's been far worse.  But life has been so much better.  Even so I won't complain.  Life, like a woman, is a pretty, if fickle, odd, thing.  You can't win, but you better be the boss anyway.

I dreamed my friend stopped by.  They were in need.  I noticed he had snow on his boots.  They were cold.  I... wasn't doing well, so didn't remember they... were there, needed in.  Then I remembered, hours later, and went to check on them.

The snow wasn't on his boots.  It was on his feet!  He had to be freezing.  Both of them!  I felt so terrible.  I worried about frostbite, terribly.  I told them, if they ever came by, and I seemed lost, just break in.  They are people who would be allowed such.

I got his feet in water, cool to start, then warmer.  I got them wrapped in blankets, together.  I made soup, with meat and broth, plus hot spices.  I was careful with that, though.  Humans... have limits.  Still, a bit bright in the food, to treat cold, really does help.

Over time, I got them back to health.  Mostly.  No frostbite, thankfully, strangely.  In one way, it was a horrible dream.  That I could forget my people.  But, that I nothing went too terribly wrong, and I could cure them back to a sort of fitness, was good.  Well, they were working on regaining their health.  He is in nearly as bad of shape as I am, lately.  That damage to his leg, and head damage, really did him a number.  Continue to pray for him, if you would.  Me?  If you like.  I am so far beyond... some things, thinking, and prayer.  It's... just a God thing as is.  Don't worry.  Not about me.  I absolutely shouldn't be here.  And, yet, I... can and do enjoy... even the suffering.  Hmm... how about... I pray for you.  Amen.

Yes, a bite more.  Some more gaming.  Then on back to bed.  Good... morning, and goodnight.

Back up.

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The last of the chicken broth beef soup.  Oh, but, that really has been good for the last few days.  Not much of it.  But it was something.  I doubt if there was half a pound of burger over the three or four days.  With maybe a quarter pound of fats... cream cheese, butter, and else.  Mostly bone broth.  Well, and hot spices.  It was wonderful though.

If I could find good chicken, and make chicken soup from the meat, that would be better.  But I can't cook while ill.  And finding good chicken is nearly impossible.  Finding good quality meat of any sort has become a major trick.  Steak, burger, pork.  Yea, sometimes.  But one can't count on it.

Still awake.

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More of the burger soup mix.  It's... not great.  But it isn't causing nausea.  That is as good as it gets, some days.  I'll have a bit more water with electrolytes.  I can tell that is needed when it is really wanted, enjoyed.  Nothing fancy.  But... it helps.

On the good side, I have eaten a bit two days in a row.  Not a lot.  Perhaps a quart of soup, each day.  Most of which was water.  Or... bone broth, some water, some cream, with some solids.  Most of what I ate yesterday went out quickly.  If you remember, I was having trouble getting the pills down the throat.  So had consumed two liters of water before finally eating soup, with some solids.  And another liter of water, plus a quart of a mix of stuff.  All that fluid just flushed the solids through.

Up again.

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I woke up earlier, to feed Sassy.  And... just... to... make some attempt at something.  I did feed Sassy.  Then went on back to bed.  How long ago?  Good question.  Not sure when I went to bed last night.  I am sleeping a lot, that is all I know.  And, I am only staying up for short spats.  

It's... not a "want" thing.  It's... what happens, and I'm just along for the ride.  Just like I want to eat, even though the thought of it causes nausea, so I usually don't.  Even drinking fluids.  I haven't made coffee in days.  I think I drank some leftover coffee yesterday or the day before?  I... can't... stomach the stuff, mostly.

Oops.

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I took the medicine, then was getting ready to go on back to bed.  But... the pills got stuck?  Seemed to be stuck.  I drank water.  And... more water.  And a lot more water.  But those pills would not move!  Or... seemed to be stuck.  I couldn't sleep with pills in my throat.  So?  So I had to think about food.

Oh, I tried to resist.  Wait it out.  Drink more water.  Get it to move, or leave, or dissolve, or whatnot.  It just wouldn't budge.  And that feeling, of having something stuck in the throat?  Brutal.  The thing is, I didn't want to eat.  Food is causing nausea.  It's... horrible.

Didn't get to bed.

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Nor to gaming, or... much else.  I simply kicked around the internet.  Looking at blogs, news, "news", music, and... a few other things.  I had a few eggs, so I thought about making a carnivore version of custard.  But the eggs ended up being a bit too old.  Which... yeah.  That was my serious bad.

Not sure I could have eaten anyway.  But the idea was there.  Whatever I might, eventually, eat, will have to be gentle on the stomach.  Easy to digest.  Not strongly flavored.  I just... can't eat.

Brutal.

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I'm only feeling better because I am feeling nothing?  Sort of.  I haven't eaten in a while.  Won't.  Can't.  But, nausea has... eased?  I'll find out more after I've been awake for a while.  Might just, as suggested, be numb.  Having some water, but not going to have much.  Just... some.  And medicines.

I fed Sassy first thing.  Poor girl.  Though, too, she could use going with less food for a while.  She's not going to starve to death in a hurry either.  Chunk bunny.  Still, I don't mind her having the extra she has.  It's... the negotiated trade-off for having been fixed.  And, for good or ill.

Betterer?

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Slightly.  Still a bit rough.  Did the yogurt help, coffee, vinegar tonic?  Or... just... time.  Feet still deciding whether they are burning in heat, or from cold.  Odd how the burning sensation can be from heat or cold, or for me.

Nausea has eased up.  Mostly.  The ill feeling remains.  A headache, back in the hind part of my mind.  More a soft, regular, ache.  Not a pounding, or throbbing.  Just... simple pain, too.  If I must have a headache, it is how I would have it.

I've been awake a while.  Six hours?  Eight?  Four.  I just... can't be sure.  It is, I think, time to go on back to bed.  I'll get an antibiotic in.  Not sure whether I should take heart medicine or not.  I just... I'm not sure where I am with that.  And, for now, to be honest, it is better to go with too little than too much of that stuff.  I am ill enough that too much could be... dangerous.

I don't suppose I get to die.  But I can hurt, more.  So, yes, I'll skip heart medicine.  I think I have taken it.  But, it's not too much of a difficulty even if not.  Diet is... helping that, a lot.  Blood sugar is high, but that is due to illness.  Stress hormones being adjusted from pain, illness, and whatnot. Still, it's staying below 140, for now.  Mid 130's as highs, low hundreds when lower.

I can't eat.  I'd love to eat, I just... I don't trust that it would stay down.  Even drinking... I'd rather not.  I drank what was left over from yesterday, as well as water, and a vinegar electrolyte tonic.  Nothing fancy, just trying to cut the thirst, and get hydration going.  Even that seems to be pushing it.  Didn't directly cause nausea, but... reminded me that it's there.

Ugh.  So horrible.  Sounds like it's raining, or the snow is thawing?  Drip, drop, pitty-pat.  Tin roof.  But, it... does make a pretty sound... sounds.  I do enjoy it.  Whether rain or hail or thawing snow, I... enjoy the sound.

I hear people who hate this, and hate that.  But me?  I try, and often do, enjoy the sounds.  The train, though to be fair it is a goodly distance?  I like it.  I remember living across the street from it.  Ugh.  Once you got used to it, it was okay.  But that was a little tight.  The drops of rain?  The sounds of vehicles going by?  Accept, enjoy even, now.  I have to imagine that, going around hating everything that one hears or senses, has to be... difficult.  I... don't have a difficult life.  Even when I am nearly sick to death.  While I don't enjoy it, I... don't hate it.  Well, and there is always hope that, this time, God will let me go home.

If not?  Well, I'll get back to it.  There is always next time?  Or never.  I don't mind living, even if I have to fight for it.  Even if I lose, in spite of not losing.  I'm... good.  Good night, again, I think.

When better isn't?

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Oh, so much better.  But that level of better is simply not enough to truly call it better?  And, yet, it really is.

I hurt so bad after making a call, calling things off, then heading to bed.  Nausea was so terrible.  I wanted to throw up.  I wished for it, all but begged for it.  But it wouldn't happen.  So miserable, in other ways too.  Tired, so tired it hurt.  And yet getting to sleep was a treacherous experiment in living and dying.  A bit of a headache, my body hurt but not in an achy way.  I can't even explain how it hurt.

Ill.

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So very sick.  I had plans for yesterday, then this afternoon.  Not possible.  I am having trouble just taking water in.  Nausea is something awful.  Tired, dizzy, not... going to be up for very long.  I will make some calls, let people know.  And... it won't be better soon.

I'll reset for a check Monday.  If possible, we will make plans then.  But... not promises.  I may sleep until then, or nearly.  I am in very bad shape.  Medicine?  When possible.  I'm... going down, hard, fast, roughly.  I'll take a bucket up, in case I need to vomit.  Feel like it, not sure it will happen.  Would rather have something up there, just in case.  Not sure I could make it down in time.  Messy, if not.  Messy even if so, possibly.  Ugh.

I'll try to wake, from time to time.  To feed Sassy, to take medicine, to get some fluids in.  But... no promises.  I'm in very bad shape.  Later.

Up, but so late.

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I... meant to be up, yesterday, around ten to noon?  I wasn't able to wake until around 18:00?  And, that because people were knocking and calling.  A lot of them, several times.  Didn't make sense to me, until it did.  Or I wouldn't have awaken even then.  Brutal.

Then?  I went back to bed around midnight?  Crazy, but after two days of sleep, mostly, yea.  I could only stay up about six hours.  I thought, for those things, that I would wake up... earlier today.  Nope.  Just waking around noon, and just barely.  Brutal.  Infection?  Antibiotics?  The pain?  I... don't know.  But I am so very tired I can even, now, just barely be awake.

Nothing fancy.

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Burger, with gravy.  Hot spices, a bit of garlic powder, dry chives just for something... green?  It does add just a touch of something.  The gravy was simpler.  But I'd like to add cream cheese, make it just a bit... more.  In a way, it is fancier.  But, really?  It's the minimum needed.

Back to gaming.  Hmm, might have some yogurt.  I do have a bit of the raw greek yogurt?  If so, I might have a touch of that.  It's not my favorite, but will do.

Wow.

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I had planned to be awake... much earlier.  But no.  I had an arrangement this afternoon.  Missed it.  Ugh.  Got some calls and visits.  Answered the last visit.  Explained, a bit.

Was still stressed from the appointment this morning, the one I canceled?  My leg still hurts from that last appointment.  And, yes, I was... stressed.  Which, probably, is why I slept.  Slept pretty much the whole day.  Only awake now for phone calls and knocking... which... eventually woke me up.  Ugh.

Canceled.

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I had to cancel.  While technically awake, and in time.  To get a shower in, dress, and be there on time, would have been... unlikely.  I could have rescheduled.  But, honestly, I don't know when I will be awake and functiong.  More?  After that last appointment?  I'll not go see a doctor for this problem again.  If the infection continues, I may ask to go back in.  But, even that, won't be a wound treament, just for more or different antibiotics.

I simply won't allow torture passing for medical care to happen.  I already feel so much better.  I will take my morning pills and go back to bed.  Took a few calls, but lucked out and got the right one the second time.

Oh well.

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I got to bed shortly before 18:00.  Wasn't sure I would sleep.  Did.  Well.  But for only about three hours.  Right as it was about to click over to 21:00, I awoke.  On the good side, it was just four hours since my last antibiotic.  So, that goes down the hatch, four I think, today.  Irregularly.  My timing is a bit off.  But... close enough?  I guess.

The leg.  It hurts.  Brutal.  It has scabbed over, well.  And, is warm.  In spite of whatever else?  That antibiotic has taken care of... that problem, and probably some others?  If, too, it is thrashing me harshly.  Whatever was wrong?  That fixed some things, and continues to fix some things.  I've probably had some underlying issues for a very long time.

Rough.

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Nausea?  A sort of it.  Have you ever eaten something, only to have your body refuse to digest it?  That... stone in the belly feeling?  The stupid thing?  I haven't eaten anything.  Well, coffee, but that's a liquid.

I have a steak salting.  I am going to give it an hour.  Well, salt and pepper.  Not too much, just enough... for it's size.  Soon, though, I'll fry it, and eat it.

Earlier, yet still late?

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Yes.  But it seems so dark, too, out there.  In here.  Dark.  And cool, almost cold.  No matter the heat setting.  Ugh.

I went to bed before midnight.  Was hoping to wake earlier.  It was 10:30 when I gout up and going.  But really pushed for earlier.  Tomorrow?  I'll set an alarm, and try to be to bed by 20:00, 22:00 at the latest?  Try.  I'm going to fight to get my days, mornings, back fully.  And then keep them.  It will be a fight.