I dreamed of these things.

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As a child, before I knew of my nature, I dreamed this following many times, several times a year at least.  Sometimes the dreams would terrify me.  I had them often.  I described them to my mother, but... she doesn't remember.  I had them until my later teens.  Sometimes, as mentioned, they were terrifying.  Though, in time, the dreams became... almost comforting, in familiarity, if always terribly powerful dreams for reasons I could not understand.

The problem is, I see too.

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More was already programmed, for later.  Still is.  More has arrived.  I am... trying to keep up.

Someone not only sees, but knows how to make contact.  While I can see, I have... limits.

Up and at it.

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I can't be sure when I went to bed.  It was pretty much immediately after the last post, which is showing a 19:00 posting time.  I don't know if that is correct.  They move everything, depending on which servers they are using for me to post.  If it's an Australian, or some other, then the time stamp is a little to a lot off?  I know I can't always see videos because my connection is through a foreign nation, one which the US doesn't allow videos to be seen through on copy rights grounds.  The internet is screwed, to be honest.

Pee bottles drained.  I could only get two of the three from yesterday, down and cleaned.  So tired.  Today I got the one from last night and the one from yesterday down and scrubbed.  Oh yes, I keep those clean enough to literally eat out of... if I'd do more testing before actually even thinking of that.  Still, the notion stands... if only, hopefully, ever, in theory.

It was 03:00 as I started writing.  Probably wasn't up a whole lot before that.  I gave the girls treats this morning.  From the stash.  I have a small container of treats for later, as well, kept on my person.  Think about having to hide animal treats!  I could see, maybe, the girls getting into the treats, somehow.  Perhaps there is enough air, that they can stop the bag and that might open the seal.  But resealing it?  Even if they could, they would have zero interest in doing such a thing.  As they say, at that point... the cat would be out of the bag.  No, this is human intervention... and not mine... assuming I am human... which I don't.  But I DO have apposable thumbs!  Makes it at least in the comparative ballpark.

I am hoping to get the runaway(s) today.  And change their cage(s).  I need to find something to make it so the remaining rabbits won't bolt that hole, too.  I may put them out in the shed, so I can flip and fix this cage.  And check the other cages in the line unit.  I think I can, I think I can.  As well, phone calls, more dishes, the stove top and trash, and checking the last of the laundry.  Not sure I have enough wool items for a final load, or if that will have to wait.  Ugh...

Oh, and soup again today.  Actually, stew.  I will add thickener.  And?  Right, I will be using a thick steel pot, not the cast dutch oven.  The cast is good for the initial making, so as to have it all in one big pot.  But it doesn't do well for heating back up the stuff.  Steel pots are perfect.  I am curious about aluminum, but also dubious.  Aluminum is poisonous.  I just... I'm not sure.  Their are cultures which swear by them.  But if you look at those cultures, both their methods and means are highly dubious.  When all your people are tiny, and slightly retarded?  I... don't think emulation is... the best idea.

As to soups and stews?  We have been there before, and it looks like we are going back.  I can't afford, often, whole cuts of meat.  I can only imagine families in which one or both parents... assuming there are two... are out of work.  I have no idea how well people were getting by even before that.  The world had already gone downhill by a lot.  Even for me.  Before they stole ssd, for the illegals, the difference between interest earned and real inflation on food, gas, and else, made life smaller and smaller.  Middle class is what I was.  And that left almost no breathing room.  Now?  Now I just keep in toilet paper, food, and animal supplies.  There isn't... much left over.

Yea, I don't know how people are doing it.  Even one family of several I know, with two parents, jobs around and among some of the older children, it's... tight.  People are just holding on, and living.  Hoping nothing else crashes.  But... it has to crash.  An economy can't run on nothing.  It won't run on nothing.  Everything you are seeing with the economy is based on a future that doesn't look likely.  We'll see, but it... could get ugly, fast.  Will, probably.

Sometimes the songs... just pop and fit.

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New and old.  Just two.  But... they brought a smile to my face, and so well fit the dreams.

Such a very fast response!

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Oh, I'll... draft this.  A bit late, but... it'll still be noted as very timely.  These, as they are patterned, and from long long ago, or new... some of them... showed up almost immediately.  Actually... no... not almost anything.  They were there right away.  So, I... captured and will set them out.  This would have been published at just before 10:00, if that doesn't mean much... an hour or so after the last post... (the post before that, actually... time... isn't what it seems).  I wanted to give things more time.  Just... because.  Anyway...

Reading and feeling are not congruent.

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Congruent?  They don't match.  They disagree.  After a meal, if just after, blood sugar is at 151.  But it still feels like I'm having an insulin drop.  A severe one.  Still dizzy, nauseous, fevered, and some other things.  Mushrooms with some leftover chicken, not a lot.  couldn't eat very much.  I ate a reasonable amount to call it a full meal, but just.

I am not sure what else to do.  Go take a nap?  I am not sure that is a choice.  Falling, quickly.  Not sure that is the best idea, not, as mentioned, necessarily a choice.  Muscles are burning.  It's an odd thing.  Not doing well, not at all.  I have had worse.  I have also, and usually, had better.  I wish I had more carb tabs.  I may check the medicine cupboard... there might be some left.  I just don't think so.  Even hiking out to check... I'll... need to get prepped for the energy burn.  Tired.

Yeah, I think on to bed.  When I can regain enough energy to check the cupboard, and elsewise get going.  I'll... get there, soon enough.  Good morning, day, and night.

Just because I am broken...

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Down.  Hurt.  Crippled up.  Tired.  Cramping.  Exhausted and used up.  It doesn't mean I quit.

I am limping.  But got to the dishes.  I reset what has been washed to a fresh rinse, and set up another load to be washed.  I took laundry back, and... hopefully, tomorrow, will start another load.  Maybe two, since they will be smaller.  Ducks went in, or were closed up anyway.  The girls were given snacks, and will be fed again.

I will try to stay awake until 22:00 to 23:00.  Just... to keep some balance.  I will set up clothes to be brought down for wash tomorrow.  I will set the alarm for 08:00 and 10:00.  Hopefully, setting laundry up tomorrow.  Oh, I hope to finish the dishes that are rinsing tonight, give the dirty dishes a first wash and set them out... so I can shower again, first thing.  Showers help.  Then set those dishes back up.

Shopping, early, tomorrow.  More wood, a few more hardware pieces, and a few more candy bars.  I do enjoy the younglings, and their parents.  I usually offer parents candy too.  I don't get so many visitors that I can't gift the adults while at it.  Trying to herd cats... children... they need the energy!  All good.  But, as mentioned, full sized bars.  It's pricey, but such is life.

Yea, I am limping, moving like a vehicle with a twisted frame, sprung springs, and a nearly flat tire or two.  It sounds a bit rough, too.  Five of eight cylinders, at best, usually.  Exhaust is even off.  I've done what I can for now.  Will, keep trying little things, and... hoping.  Tomorrow, if not today, yesterday, or the day after.  The work will always be there.  And, in time, it is hoped, that I will be there for the work as well.

Good day, evening, and night.

Oh... just some notions.  Peace.  We get it, for a while, then live without it for a while.  When peace is in season, learn more.  When there are difficulties?  Learn even more.  Amen.

Flirting.

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Almost certainly.  But... who?  The Devil you say?  I might say, but only in the vernacular.  I know better.  It isn't her though, or... who she really is.  Or... just her.  Entertaining anyway.

A few calls.

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No luck getting through.  I will try later.  Perhaps too close to lunch?

Between efforts, I have been listening to Father Ripperger.  Oh, he is difficult to attend.  Not for moral or social reasons.  Well, okay, moral, but... from my lack, not his.  It is that what he has to say, some of it, is new.  Even if I have listened to it before.  Still, so very dense, and new, and from a new perspective (compared to anything worldly, save perhaps physics to some degree) that it takes time to digest, chew even, hear fully, actually.

He irritates, baffles, and slightly confuses.

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In a good way.  Oh, and friend, for my part.  He knows me not... for good or ill.  :p

I, from time to time, when I am more awake and aware... able... seek out some of his work.

Today is as yesterday.

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Better.  But just.  Not good definitely not great.  Aspirin first thing, and waterpills, three.  My usual number.  And to set up medication, the rest of it.  I will continue with pickle juice and tea, trying to find equilibrium.  Mouth is so dry, but my legs, from just above the ankles to nearly the knees are swollen so bad they hurt.  I may have to find my really long compression socks.

I thought I had caught the waterpills in time, seems not.  That may be why my lungs burn.  The thing I don't get, is if my heart is better, why is blood still backing into my lungs?  Why do I still need heart medicine?  I don't think they actually know what they are talking about.  They sure don't explain it well.

Sam was up several times.  Sure, she wakes me, but I don't mind.  I think the closet sleeping is why Sassy doesn't go up.  But, now that I am sleeping at about dark, I am going to sleep out in the room.  I sure wish I had a heavy-duty chair to help get up, wherever I sleep.  I might have to look for one.  Not a lazy-boy type, that would be murder to get upstairs.

Perhaps even just a very heavy, squat, endtable?  It isn't pure weakness, it is that plus waking weakness.  Muscles and all just are coordinated first thing.  I can pop off a standard bed, but all that is needed for that is leg strength.  I figure, in time, I will gain more arm strength, and a sort of muscle memory.  But, for now, a minor booster would be good.

The V.A. has arranged an appointment before the paperwork is due.  It is just primary, but it is a start.  I need to clear my head so as to catalog the symptoms, actually sets of symptoms.  The flu-like thing is it's own thing, probably carrying something, or something I was exposed to but never fully beat.  Then what I suspect are symptoms from occasional organ brown-outs.  They don't quit, completely, they just slow way down.  Then the exhaustion and confusion.  I am sure there might be connections, but not always.  Yes, lists.  And questions.  If my heart is better, why am I not?

Blood sugar is better, at 117 fasting.  The last blood sugar was 101 up from 76 without food, so I used 23 cc's of slow acting insulin.  I do my best at derivating needed insulin and do... okay.  The goal is still 100 fasting.  I have room to improve.  Still, it's been over a week with 155 as the highest reading, generally by a significant spread.

Well, on to waking.  Good morning and day, perhaps good night for some of you night owls out there.

Someone is... seeking?

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Music from long ago.  And new but pointed songs.  Hiding the trail here but not there.  Oh, I suspect who.  As with others, shadowed.  But I see.

How do they do that?

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Don't know.  Do... enjoy?  Enjoy?  Something.

Which way does it...  Never can quite tell.

Where do they even find these.  A fan, and I haven't seen these.



Meaning?  Simple or complex.

More.  An anomalous accusation?

I really do enjoy.  Just algos unlocked.  Still...

With help.

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I got out today.  Finally.  Son number three, of the neighbor, visited last night, with the idea of visiting today?  It's how it goes.  I suggested we try to figure a way to move the vehicle.  As it turns out, I could get the Xterra out around the car.  Didn't need guidance, or to move the car, if it was good to have an outside observer.

I didn't, couldn't, sleep last night, so I had him drive.  A bit of various shopping.  Oh, and the address change at he dmv.  Plus a car wash.  He finished what he needed to do.  All good.  I accused him of deciding to not just letting me die.  If I chuckled while suggesting I have decades left.  Even if I happen to be stuck in my home for the rest of my time.

More business to do, but with a vehicle in the clear, and payday coming...

I couldn't sleep until afternoon in spite of returning well before noon.  I had both ac's on but it only got down to 70° up there.  It's warm down here.  I will open up a bit tonight.  And get out as the lawn gets a good solid drink.  I may finally mow the lawn this Friday or Saturday.

Blood sugar is being weird.  Very low most of yesterday while I can't beat it down today.  Though 168 isn't horrible, a dose while not eating should have fixed it.  I'll check it in a few more hours, then have eggs, bacon, and a fatted coffee... plus another dose if it's still up.

Another hour on trim areas, then a few hours watering up front.  Then, I hope, back to bed.  I am hoping to finish business tomorrow, which means an earlier rise, a shower, and more.  Always more, if that is a feature, not a bug.  I just wish I wasn't so stretched for it.  At least it is a wonderful night to be playing homeowner, lawnsman.  Later.

At first blush...

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It seemed another attack.  If the first volley was as it seemed?

Is that you?

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I have... strange friends.  Something something.  She vistits from time to time, but doesn't always say hi.  I usually get one of these, it's how I... suspect.

It isn't always her, just...  I am not sure if she likes the show, or if it is an accusation.  Both?  I just have to laugh.  She even used him as her avatar.  Had.  To.  Laugh.

And ask.  Is that you, foamy?

Not all of my ghosts are bad.  Good night.

So very tired.

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In part because it seems darker out there.  Haze, clouds, some of each?  After checking while putting the ducks in, definitely both.  Watering again.  Some areas don't need it at all, some areas have gone down hill fast, working on it.  An hour for the back and side, more up front.  Then two to four days off.  More downtime if it rains.

I keep drifting into morning before sleeping.  The last three days to three.  It's the meds?  Mostly.  On them, recently, restarting, opening up the house in a timely fashion hasn't been successful, which makes it too warm to do other things including get to sleep.  Which means I am awake well beyond exhaustion and while overheated.

Tonight it will be done right.  But at 18:30 it is still 77°.  It will be a bit.

Thoughts of echoes.

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As to the request?  Fine!  Save one more sentence.

Somebody knew where to look.

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It almost startles me.  Sometimes it takes a day or three, or not.

After clarifying, back to the regularly scheduled programming.  The video feed was shut off, again, for a while.  Then it went live again.  I could see her outline.

She listens...

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Does she hear?  As well as she can, will, dares.  Probably.