Oh, ouch, but better.

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I crashed after that last post, after 13:00, before 14:00.  I had hoped I would wake by midafternoon.  No chance.  Just woke a bit ago, at 22:15.  Wrestled with waking for the last... six hours?  I would sit up, try to get going, only to find I had fallen back.  Still not sure I am staying up.  You have no idea how much effort I put into it.  In truth, I am not wrestling with sleep.  I am wrestling with death.  Death just isn't trying.  Sort of... punking a little brother.  Oh... he'll get his.  He will follow me, and hell with him.  Which means, I can take him where I want.

The legs are looking better, but still cramping.  I have learned to not scream when cramps hit, even three or four places at once.  I have learned to suffer the pains without writhing, too.  Tonight, only cramping in or or two places at a time.  I have, mostly, learned how to negotiate out of the cramps... without writhing or screaming.  At least once I am awake and realize it isn't a dream.  Zen, boys and girls.  It isn't... a religion, for me, just... a method of dealing with severe pain, or other difficulties.

Anyway...  The legs are looking normal again.  My size 13's fit, again.  Even the toe box had become too small, so that walking was painful.  I don't have 14's anymore, I just get some for these times.  I know which ones worked, will have to get a pair.  My feet have been agonizing for this last week... month?  It was the least of my pains, so only showed up on radar recently.  But I can tell, by the depth of the pains, that it's been a while.  But... why tell all.  I'll bet no one could even tell, I hide pain well.

The lungs are wet.  I think still wet, not just wet.  But, like the feet, that was a lessor problem... at least by severity of pain caused.  I have been tracking fluids in and out.  Yesterday, the times I was awake, I took in roughly four quarts, and kicked out roughly six liters (different measuring devices... you... do understand that, right?)  :p  And, tonight, I kicked out another eight liters... so I have dumped an extra ten liters... roughly... maybe eleven.  So, in the last three days (definitely, maybe more as I didn't track the middling day since I didn't take medicine, or the start day of medicine)... I have dumped at least 22 liters... with is about 5.8 gallons, at 8.3 pounds per gallon (of urine), so... 48 and change pounds of fluid.  Yea... I... reallllllly had to go.  Don't try this at home.

How do I get in such bad shape?  Trying to work, recover, feed the critters, feed myself, attend business, and... else... I... can't do it.  Things give, get lost, I crash, eat whatever is available, do what I must.  I... don't have a lot of choice.  I should be dead, this should be killing me.  Not the intent, but trying to do more than one can?  Isn't... that the point?  Who, in this life, gets to stop at what they can do correctly?  Is that... even allowed?  possible?  Cheers.  *grins*

Well, a bit of this or that.  Maybe something to eat.  Feeding the girls.  Dishes and laundry tending... if little left.  Perhaps getting trash ready... and maybe out.  A shower would be good.  And, hopefully, back to bed in time to be up to work again tomorrow.  An hour?  Three?  Two?  What I can, when I can.  I do know, as soon as that is done, I can get the rabbits, take some time off, get a phone, and... other things...  But rest.  I need... rest.  Lots and lots of rest, and medicine.  Later.  Or good night if I can't stay with it.  Good night again?  Will know soon.

As much as was possible in an hour and change.

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It... wasn't much.  I got the side screens finished.  But... no.  Height, not width.  Back to it.  I measured and dryfit, but with the angles being so off, and the limits of my skills... it's going to fit, but be ugly.  I had hoped to hinge in one side, and just sort of dry peg the bottom in, so I can get the poop out.  Not sure that is possible, with the angles.  Yeah...

It is arranged, so that it all fits.  It's merely a matter of fully installing.  That one cage... probably.  Since the goal is to make both cages the same size, I may go ahead, when I catch my breath, and stitch the last two sides together... or... refit them.  Then, see if one of those will fit better.  There is one side that just... isn't exactly as I would wish it.

It is messy, slow, and not great quality.  It is getting done.  Too hot, far too fast though.  I am taking insulin, but will be checking every few hours.  I hit the potassium pretty heavy, and added a general electrolyte and sea kelp additive to my regime, for now.  When I get fluids, electrolytes, and insulin back under some sort of control, I will add in the rest of the medicine.  I think those can be done, so I am not fighting ten to one, just... three... or four... problems at a time.

I'll be down for a few hours.  So thirsty, dry, and yet still swollen.  It... all... balances, at some point.  Or I die.  Or... again.  Whatever.  I'll do my best and see what happens.  Later.

Up, and... going?

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Sleep was quite nice.  I think I went to bed around 21:00? 20:00?  Somewhere... in there.  No real clue.  Was so tired, and failing so quickly, I...  I did look.  I tried to remember.  The mind was no more at my command than body. I woke right around 3:00, so six or seven hours.  It doesn't sound much, but I had waken at 16:00?  Or... almost 17:00, now, as I remember.  Short sleeps, but not naps.  Short wake times.  Breakfast, part of it, is already down.  A fatted coffee is next.

Dishes were set up.  I need to put away the dry dishes before hitting those.  I have enough meat out for a while.  So... if the new dishes sit there for a while, it's all okay.  Still, I would like to get those put up shortly, and get back on track with dishes, but back in the kitchen.  Laundry should be done.  I can try to get that all handled, and start washing blankets and getting the bed set up for winter.  It's not quite there, but it's one the way.

I won't start working outside until around 08:00~10:00.  It's a weekend, and it's good to let fold rest just a bit.  So I may end up getting a nap in.  No guarantees, just a suspicion.  I had set the alarms for 08:00 and 10:00, so... all I have to do is initiate the alarms if I decide a nap is necessary.  Oh, but I think the clock upstairs might still be off?  Then again, I thought one of these down here was off, until I realized it was set on central time.  I KNEW I had set the thing, and thought several times.  So tired, memory for some little things is weak.

Just a bit of blogging and digital surfing before... figuring the rest of the day out.  Well, and those little domestic chores.  Oh... and... Sam...  I purchased fur removal gloves, and a brush, for the girls.  But Sam... is starting to smell... badly... peri-area bad... urine, mostly.  She is in her 20's.  She is allowing, easily, my used of the fur thinning gloves.  So, I may see if there is something I can do to help with the rest.  It isn't her fault, and I want her to live with as much final dignity as possible.  The world gets... scary, and a bit... disheartening... when life gets to that level.  I've been there.  I know.  Some might think me there now too.  Just... not... fully... always... that bad.  I'll... do some research.  Even the most gentle bathing terrifies her.  So, it'll need to be a spray on, that doesn't hurt her.

Later.

Bedtime.

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Everything is in and up.  Wasn't sure even that was going to happen.  Crashing so very hard, can barely keep my eyes open.  I had to take three breaks while bringing in maybe ten bags of groceries!  Ah, but... someone may have hit on it, the current problem.  Keto flu.  More, I exaggerate the intensity by dancing with carbs from time to time, keeping it in the sludge carb instead of going into fat burning.  Maybe so.

I am trying some newer, to me, keto foods.  Not everything keto works specifically for me, or my keto needs.  I am also battling diabetes, so... it's... a bit different.  Same field, but say, a lefty instead of a rightly.  Certain plays work better at certain angles, and all.  High fiber tortillas, which are supposed to reduce the carb count... even IF true, it might not work for diabetes and ketosis.  Still, I am hopeful.  There are more expensive ones to try, if these fail.  I just... need... something...  Coconut roll-ups are on the list for next month.

I picked up eggs, cheese, and several other items to try various other options for tortillas and of course standard foods.  Just adding to the pantry slowly, giving myself enough time and not too many experiments all at once.  Hmm, an egg, sausage, and cheese casserole would be excellent.  It's been a while.  Burned out on eggs after a bit, if not quite as badly as with salad.  Though, lettuce was purchased as well.  Will... try that again.

Brutal, tired, going to nap.  I'll pick up when I wake up.  Later.

A shower, then on to town.

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Groceries, plenty of them.  Mostly ordered before going.  But I like to look around.  Glad I did.  I love ground beef, but it has been ridiculously expensive lately, like up to $6 a pound.  So, I started finding less expensive options.  While browsing the store, I just... wanted to check burger.  It was on sale for $3 a pound.  Yeah, I... grabbed a couple of larger portions.

As well, lettuce, cabbage, and a few other things I wanted to check personally.  To be honest, their pickers seem competent.  It's... just... some things I want to see first hand, and there are often a few extras I want or need.  Crap!  Butter!  I do need butter.  I have canned butter, but that is more for being stuck due to health, being broke, or in case of actual failure in the supply side.  I haven't brought it in yet.  Tired.

It will be brought in, dishes will be set up, and I will begin working on the cages again.  Or... napping, then going out.  I'm pretty shot again.  I'll do what I can.  A nap might see me to working late, but working better?  Ugh.  It's... a beastly day.  Week... several months, actually.  Oh, but it is surprisingly warm out there.  It was about 56.  That really isn't too bad.

I grabbed a gargantuan sandwich at Jimmy John's... it's the best sub shop I know.  I bought a 16", and that is the one with everything and more.  A Dagwood, for some of you.  I got it sliced into thirds, hoping it would be dinner, breakfast, and lunch... eating a third there.  By the time I got home, I was still hungry, so... I finished another third.  I try to limit food, but I don't try to break my balls with it either.  If I have given it a legitimate amount of time, and I am still hungry, I will eat.  If that isn't working correctly, I will figure out what to eat differently so that I am both full AND calorie restricted, etc.  Well, the app was allowing me to do that.  There is still, sometimes... willpower involved.  Anyway, I will have a breakfast.

Best get the food in, and dishes going.  Then decide whether it is nap or work time.  Later, or much later.

Down, and down hard.

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Before I could do another panel, get feedback from my email, or... pretty much do anything, I dropped like a sack of potatoes off the back of a delivery truck.  I DID set alarms, for 16:00 and 17:30.  Down.  I went in hard.  Fan on, it really helps me sleep.  And while it makes it feel cooler, it is actually warmer.  Both... work to my advantage... somehow.  Fresh moving air, or so it seems, really comforts me.

I crashed so very hard.  I wasn't sure the alarms would do.  After two snooze buttons, I turned the 16:00 alarm off, hoping for the 17:30 alarm.  I started toward waking, just couldn't quite, immediately, get there.  I also turned off the fan.  The fan, somehow, makes waking more difficult, if it improves sleep.  Part of the sleep improvement is the drowning out of sound.  But that chill feeling air, while trying to wake... brutal to try to wake through.  I turned it off right after turning off the 16:00 alarm... after two snooze bars.

I started to wake better, before the second alarm, at about 16:45.  I still didn't want to wake, but... I have... things to do.  So, I crawled out, put on pj's, grabbed some clean underwear and socks, and headed down.  I want to shower shortly.  Oh, I did get the dishes a shot, then emptied of water and out.  So a shower will be easy... when I can stand.

Oh?  But I did notice the pancake compressor was back.  Is it still back?  It... had been returned, I noticed, right before crawling in to bed.  All good, I hope it is still there.  I will get back to work before too long.  That is a lot easier than drilling.  Beside the drills being heavy, they take a lot more time than a shot or three, one after the other, done and done.

Still so tired, but I have to get going.  If I get a couple more, or three, panels, done... if needed, I will take another break, sleep a bit, then get to it when I wake.  If I can get two to three more panels, and instill what is ready?  I'll be very ready for tomorrow, for a fresh start.  The trick is to use the downtime to sleep, not get stuck as a internet zombie.  It's so difficult, when weakened, to pull away.  Later.

A start!

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Some measuring, but that didn't satisfy.  Then some dry fitting.  Something seemed off, and was.  An half an inch off, but oh well.  A front and a side have been refitted.  One more side to go, then I can begin trying to actually fit it together.  There is an area that will have to simply be... managed.  The outbuilding is as crooked as many politicians.  There is not way I have to skills to cut at just the right angle, add the screening, and make the rest of it work together.  A few remnants, nailed in, should do.

The other air compressor is gone.  I assume it was needed over there.  I can't say they didn't try to get ahold of me, but... I didn't know about it if so.  Sleep has been so off, it just... I might easily have missed them.  Then again, they may well have just not had an intention of telling me.  It is their machine.  I just hope someone hasn't wandered off with it.  I'll email, shortly.  It would be handy.

Feeling better.  Not a lot, but... I'll do what I can.  If I can get one fully installed, and another pretty much refit and set up, I can rest, shower, and do a few lighter things yet today.  Laundry has been done, probably through to completion.  I'll check the dryness of items shortly.  And dishes were at least set up.  The clean dishes should be very easy to put up.  Flatware, mostly.  While that is a pain, and slow, to wash to high quality cleanliness, putting it up once dry is a snap.

Bits and pieces, and I have tomorrow morning.  It's as good as I can do.  I have been dragging, but I am still recovering.  I noticed, by the posts visited, that... some of you actually wonder if I am human.  You didn't believe my stories, perhaps still don't.  Even the level of blood sugar, or amount of fluid voided in a short bit.  But, in case, someone has been reviewing... specific posts that, possibly, further suggest something isn't exactly typical.  It is interesting to watch as some of you struggle with the simple things I tell you, and suggest.  Which is why I don't tell you everything.  Insane?  Even if that were true, it doesn't mean I lie.  *wink*

Well, on to a bit more tea, then out and back to it.  Oh... it isn't as easy as I thought, or as difficult as I worried.  It just is... some more work.  Yes... get one cage fitted and installed, a front and two more sides set up, and figure out the second floor and a divider for the cages.  Then I can take a break.  I will do the dishes, set them out for a shower later, then after the shower, put them in for a last soak.  I am almost keeping up on dishes and laundry... about as good as possible... almost... at least for me.  Later.

That... didn't work well.

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I got to bed, around three.  Sleep wasn't easy, but I got some in there.  Then... I started feeling a bit off.  Was my body just trying to sleep?  Stuck between waking and sleep?  I decided to get up at about five.  I could barely do it.  Something was terribly off.  Some part of me wanted to just not get going, to go on back to bed.  I... didn't trust, like, that.  Something was terribly wrong.

A downward spike?  In insulin?  Sweating, exhausted in a terrible way, ill, shakes... yea...  A quick check and blood sugar was at 61, and I suspect still falling... quickly.  I downed four tubes of carb tabs, that's forty tabs.  Couldn't stop once I started.  Still feeling pretty rough.  I may have to eat something to top that off.

That shouldn't be.  Blood sugar was at 208, when I had a fatted tea and ~10 cc's of fast acting insulin.  It really shouldn't be dropping like that.  Oh well.  I'll try to shake this, with something to eat, then get to work at sunup or a bit after.  What a ride!  Later.

Well? No.

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Not yet.  Not yet.  I simply couldn't get going.  And, yet, I haven't give up.  I may need to go back to bed for a bit.  But, with some food, blood sugar down to 208... and another dose with a fatted tea before sleeping... and the water pills doing their thing... there is a good shot at getting to things before long.  And, perhaps, through out the day.

I did a couple of small loads of laundry, drying both together.  I'll need to check before bedtime.  Hmm, could set up the dishes for a final wash as well.  Then, sleep for a few hours.  The aspirin may have helped, but managing the other things might be helping too.  Still, it has been a rough 'day'.  Still, it... really is improving.  I think there is a chance.

Oh, but... I noticed something.  A favored Catholic priest has set up his own site.  Now, whether you are Catholic or not, he offers very grounding thoughts.  One of his first areas is dealing with communism, as it relates to modern politics, is out.  He seems to wish to have links to his site... which... now that I am more aware, I will do.  However, I still think it is far better to just include the video.  Very few people visit linked sites.

I will, however, put up his introduction to his site, the rest will be linked as he wishes.  The link to his first discussion on the matter is here.  I have gone through three of them, so far.  He moves on to other topics.  I am just catching up.  I had stopped viewing him, because the previous site he went with was pushing political correctness, which became completely intolerable.  He does maintain links to that account, but has his new materials at this new, his own, place.

I'd love to think he did it for that reason.  Unfortunately, political correctness is the new... darkness.  Almost none, with a public face, can escape it.  Still... if nothing else, it looks like he is eliminating the need for any such things.  Time will tell.  His product is quite solid.  And, I would guess, would be edifying to most Christians, and faithful Catholics.  I was quite pleased to see him back.

Well... on to setting up dishes, getting a fatted tea and a dose... ~10 cc's, and then on to bed for a bit.  Good morning, day, and night?  Bleh.  *smiles*

Rough, better.

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Rough, as noted.  Things hurt, hands tingle, swelling is easing, but...  Nothing is good, it's just not terribly bad.  The girls have been fed, litter managed.  I refreshed their bit water container this morning, so that's good.  Will do it again, if I can get to a shower later... or even not.  The ducks were counted and shut in.  I need to eat shortly.  Other than that, rather getting ready to work.

It will be late, to work, but... it's what I can do, when I can.  

Oh, I've been trying to keep up on clothing.  Now that I remembered how hard she worked on spots, and how little luck I have with it, I decided to go proactive.  After a bit of research.  Whether blood, or as last night fat droplets from heated chicken, an immediate splash of soap and then rubbed, with water, then soaked overnight.  It looks like that really does work.  It worked with blood, even on a white shirt, handled before it had time to even think about drying... even in this desert.  That has been spun and drained, then washed (on cold of course), and is now drying... on low.  I checked before putting it in, but it looks pretty good.  No spots.  Gotta be careful though.

Yeah, a bit of chicken.  It's what I've got for now.  Well, and fatted tea?  A dose of insulin, but not a big one.  I have to be cautious when starting insulin.  That stuff is potent, and while I might drift heavily without insulin, I snap back pretty quickly.  I am limiting my highest setting to ~20 cc's, and with that, only twice a day... plus the slow acting.  And, only with very cautious testing, plus at least three to four hours between doses.  Which means one meal without dosing.  As I am able to lower the dose, as I get to ~8 to ~10 cc's, then, if needed, I may dose per meal.

If I can get things right, and going again, and take some time off from larger efforts, I can get back to eating correctly.  Then, again, I can probably get to less and less insulin.  I was hitting 150 fasting, and dropping, without insulin... there for a while.  What threw me?  Ah... the first batch of Halloween candy, purchased early.  Yeah... temptations are... strong... sometimes.  Especially when working harder in the heat, or in recovery.  Anything that weakens the will.

Later.

I am in terrible shape.

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Losing that much fluid... it tore me up.  Actually, 11 liters is only 2.9 gallons, which is about 25 pounds.  But... that is still a lot.  To have it all go in, say, eight to twelve hours?  Yea, internal structures sort of fail.  It feels like I've been in a fight, against several.  Usually people punch the stomach, the face hurts their hands... or more.  Or, at least my face did.  *grins*  Anyway, so... there is that, and else.

Something about losing that much water makes joints ache, larger muscle groups cramp, and I've had a terrible headache pretty much nonstop since.  It's not a migraine.  Aspirin does nothing for it.  Neck and shoulders are pretty rough too, possibly from sleeping so much.  If exhaustion might be a part of that, or just ongoing from past things.  Never can be exactly sure.

Still, I am dressed, warmly, and hoping to wake more fully and then get out to work on cages.  I'll close up the garage, that is all I can do for noise mitigation.  I would work in the day, if I could be awake in the day.  I have to work when I can.  I don't know what I can really get done, but I can hope.  It should just be figuring out where to cut, cutting, a few parts of the old portion and new wood.  I don't have to completely remake sides and tops.  Actually, I don't think the bottoms or tops need work at all.  so, it's just half of the sides and fronts.  Should... go quickly.  Though, I will both measure and dryfit...  won't stray this time.  Probably...

I did take more aspirin, and tonight I took more water pills, if only four instead of five, and after a day off.  I knew taking more 'yesterday' would have been risky, as much as had gone.  Dry, through to a strange feeling in my neck that lets me know I'm too dry.  Yes, you... learn things.  My job isn't to do what doctors tell me, my job is to not die.  Doctors... don't seem to know or care, really, often.  Why live?  If I won't take care of my own skin, just how reliable of being am I?  I can't, perfectly.  But I can give it my best shot.  It's a duty, but can be a pleasure, even as I head into dust at a furious pace.  I do my best.  Anyway...

An hour or two, to wake.  Perhaps a bit of chicken.  I took the slow acting... which I prefer to peg to mid to late evening, real time, regardless of my sleep cycle.  And, with dinner, I'll have fast acting.  Oh, when I tested yesterday, about ten minutes after taking the slow acting, blood sugar was ~550.  A few hours later, when about to eat, it was ~350.  A few hours after eating and dosing with ~25 cc's of fast acting, it was down to ~200.  Today, as I wake, it was about ~285 fasting.  

So... yes... improving, quickly, but probably desperately needed.  I have had it higher than that, well into 600 or 700 for six months at a time, several times, but... it's probably not the best.  And, while it, as with fluid retention, is coming back into trim, it might be causing troubles as it does so.  You don't just... fix things.  It often hurts more to swing the ship around at speed than to do nothing, even if doing nothing will lead more quickly to death.  Damned hell of a game we play, but so be it.  I'll... keep at it.

Later.

Trying to let the bloody nose dry out.

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Sometimes it just doesn't work out.  The nose is bleeding at a pace that makes easy sleep untenable.  Even with the towels covering the pillows, this would leak through and I wouldn't be able to necessarily wake.  Tired, again, too tired.  If I sleep, that will be that for a while.  So... I'll stay awake for a few more hours, most likely.  Not gaming, that... kills it, makes it go from a solid flow to a gush that can push the plug out or just drip through in minutes.  So be it.

Oh, A friend's tortoise... turtle if you don't know what that is... died recently.  He's had him for 21 years, or so.  I... offered my condolences.  If you know what I mean.  Odd how that works.

Hmm?  Oh, might as well figure out something to eat.

Sleep?

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Soon, perhaps.  Tired, but not.  Not able to be active.  But can't really get to sleep.  Hungry, but don't want to mess with anything.  Stuck... as has been the usual for the last while.

I don't want to mess with dishes, so I can get a shower first thing in the morning.  I got one earlier, I think?  I just... can't remember.  I think so.  

As soon as I can, a shower, then work on the cages.  There is some reasonable chance I will get both big cages done by Saturday.  Possibly, both smaller cages.  And maybe those installed.  Or... nothing, again.  I'll do what I can.  I'll have my clothing set out, generally ready to go.  I have chicken cooked.  A few drummies, or a thigh, would do... for a starter.

After as much as I can do, and rest, I hope to cook something else... a mix of ground meats, for a general hash.  I did order from the grocery store, but not to be picked up for a while.  I will go in, though, too... a few things I want fresh... salad, cabbage, and to check avocado.  Avocado is at a good price, but if it's too mushy, it's not worth it.  Too solid?  I can work with that.  I like to find one that is just about ready, and two or three a bit more solid.

The world seems so dark out there.  It might turn that way.  When, or if, it flips, it will flip hard.  You don't know what it is to live under a dictator.  I have seen people who have lived under such rule.  They become as awful as their leaders... the ones who survive.  Nothing is free, and nothing you don't pay for is worth receiving.  Further, if you are in, you do well... until you fall out.  And, everybody falls out, eventually.  Read about Castro.  Even Che fell out.

Hmm... I've got to get a bite.  Good night, day, and morning actually.

Such a strange thing.

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First, though, I did make it to town.  Wood and some hardware.  I thought about handles, but I might be able to make those with remnants.  I figured I would need five or six lengths for the small cages, two... plus two pieces... if all was measured and cut correctly... for the parts to be cut and replaced.  So... seven or eight.  I went with a dozen.  Yeah, it... works that way.

I also bought nine hinges, in three packs.  I have three more already, at least.  Should be enough.  As well, I bought a few simple small steel corner L's... for brackets or stays or whatever else might come in handy.  Nothing fancy, just... possibilities.  The hope is to get to work tomorrow.  Right away.  though, it will depend upon when I can sleep and then when I can wake.  I had been trying to get out of bed all morning and afternoon.

I set the alarm for eight and ten.  Blew through those like a roadblock in a shoot em' up driving game.  I then set them for 13:00, then 15:00, then gave up until I could just wake naturally.  It's a rough day.  I hurt every time I woke, or neared waking.  Which didn't help.  I used the fan.  Oddly, it keeps it warmer up there... with the windows shut.  It pulls heat up.  Even if it is 66 downstairs, it'll keep it about 68 upstairs... in part due to the heat I throw off.  Without the fan, it would be 58 to 63... on warmer nights.  On colder nights, without the fan, it can drop to 51 to 53 upstairs.  Not sure what the fan does on colder nights... yet.

The weather is still quite odd.  It was colder, often, the last few months than the last few weeks, mostly.  Something is really changing.  And, while I don't believe it has a thing to do with global temperatures, it does have something to do with where and when it will be cold, and that is different, and changing still.  They are trying to reshuffle the weather.  It isn't a beast which can be controlled.  They will... learn, the hard way.

Oh, insulin.  Tonight.  I've been off it a few weeks.  Not on purpose, as with heard medicine.  I can't work, eat, keep up on medicine, and keep up on the house, all at once.  Working, for me, might be just recovering from wounds.  Or, working, solidly, for ten hours a week.  Which... is about my limit.  And that is limited to a few weeks in a row.  Then I go down, hard.  Out.

I have pushed so hard, that just getting up, for a regular period, or even getting to town, for simple rather light shopping, is beyond me... mostly.  It took half a week to finally make it to town, and I could only make it in time for one of the two shopping targets.  Tomorrow?  Doubtful.  But I might be able to work on the cages, perhaps even finish one... or two.

At least I have mats, and... maybe... the ability.  Tomorrow, as early as possible.  When I can wake, then wake, then get to it.  I have chicken ready to reheat.  So... that part is handled, mostly.  Later.  Or, if I crash in a hurry, good night.

A very long sleep, again.

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Only able to stay awake a few hours at a time, the last few days.  And swelling in feet and torso, whole body really, had become an issue.  So, I took five water pills as I was shutting down.  And, again, I got rid of between eight and nine liters during the night.  Pee bottles, with volume gauges notched in.  I had used the restroom twice before crashing, and was going about a liter a shot, initially, so... perhaps ten to eleven liters.

More, I am still a bit swollen.  Not as bad as it was, but... yeah.  When restarting meds, it's best to start with the water pills and potassium first, so I don't have multiples of switches and changes all at once.  That really makes it a lot worse.  In a few days, I'll get the rest of the meds set up and hit those.  First, the rest of the excess fluid out.

I think I went to bed at about four, waking around eighteen hundred, just about exactly.  I did hit the dishes last night, cooked chicken... putting away what remained, and scrubbed the bathroom floor.  I didn't reset the dishes, so a shower is in the offing.  Then, hopefully, some other work.  It's a decent night out.  Strange, but I'll take it.

Best feed the girls and check on the ducks.  Oh, I see Trump lost.  And, his sc nominee stabbed him in the back.  Told him.  I think he knew she would be left of center, he just thought through his blind egalitarianism that her honor would see her through to siding with him just once.  Women have no honor.  It's... just the way of it.  And, this pope hates him, and rules her.  So... you get what you pay for.  The courts aren't going to do anything.  He is most likely done.

I swear, those who called my truthing black pilling just don't want to face the flaws of their leader or simple realities.  America is going to finish becoming a third world country.  If the truth is, it wasn't done with the electoral consent.  Socialism, as I suspected, never happens through consent... no one in their right mind consents to genocide.  It is through theft... and the unwillingness or inability to defend against the theft.  Then... fear... surrendering to it.

There is a chance.  A slim one.  But I don't see a path to it.

Well, I best get on with things.  Later.

Up just long enough to crash.

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Up at, what, 10:00?  Or so, I think.  I made it to 13:00 and change.  I expected, at that time, to begin.  Instead I fell, imploded into a sleepy exhaustion none of my finest efforts could allay.  Down I went, to sleep, so hard and fast it almost hurt.  Even my nervous system seemed to be failing.  Couldn't type correctly, had twitches, had a difficult time walking.  I've seen this with Sam, when she is too tired.

So, back to bed somewhere between half past thirteen or fourteen hundred.  I did try to fight it off.  Not sure for how long.  I tried to remember the time.  It was put in, several times, but it just didn't stay.  I am waking at 18:00.  I woke a few other times, only 17:00 was remembered by time.  I couldn't stay awake.  It was warm enough up there, that wasn't it.  It is a good day, just down to 58 after several hours of dark... so... and it was nice earlier, a lot nicer if this is pretty good.  And upstairs was 67.

I did turn the fan on, but that actually warmed the upstairs.  Without the fan, it would be 58 to 63 up there, at best.  I removed what had been blocking the open vent to downstairs.  That doesn't help at all when ac is needed.  But when heat is needed upstairs, it does.  Convection and such, heat rises.  Two ac's don't produce enough cool air to help downstairs, so it just dissipates.

So, no, I didn't make it to town, or do anything else.  I crashed, hard, almost painfully.  I am hoping to do some dishes, and roast chicken tonight.  Get a shower, brush the teeth a time or two, and... probably go back to sleep by midnight.  If... I can make it that long.  So very tired, even now.  I can be awake, for a while, anyway.

Ducks are in, the girls have been fed, their litter box tended.  Now to some other things.  Later.

Oof, ugh, bleh, but... better.

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Enough rest, over time?  The beginning of better food?  Not working for a bit, or not as heavily?  I would start back on medicine, but... that will as likely kill it again.  I will wait until the cages are built and installed.  I just can't do everything all at once.  Medicine fell by the wayside, I just... couldn't keep up.  Insulin will be started, just not heart medicine.  It's been a week or two?  It'll be a rough restart.

One of the neighbor's sons arrived.  Needed their air compressor.  Will have it back this afternoon.  Which is good.  I am hoping to pick up the needed wood, and do a bit of grocery shopping, today.  I think I can.  And, maybe, get to work this afternoon.  I really hope to have it done by Friday, Saturday at the latest.  I think I can, probably.  Will try.

Oh, with the visit, I was able to offload all the candy remaining from Halloween.  I... had mostly avoided devouring it.  I did have a few pieces.  Not sure, in my condition, there is much difference... other than showing some resolve versus showing none.  I could have eaten it all.  And, there was much.  I would guess fifty bars, or so... about half... remained.

The goal is to do the few dishes, at least to get a shower, then put them back for a rinse.  I have two pans and a few more pieces of flatware and cooking utensils which will go in for a fresh wash.  Sometime today, perhaps.  And, washing.  The whites are what is left.  I'd like to get those washed and perhaps out today.  I definitely enjoy them air drying outside.  So much better.

I am moving slowly, but I am not exhausted, tired, or even sore, achy, or ill seeming.  I just don't have a lot of energy to draw on.  I'm not fully back to it.  And, today will use what I have.  I will have to push through to get things done.  If I can finish by this weekend?  I can take a break for several weeks, get back on medicine, and just crash to just feeding and watering critters, plus minor self care... until I can get back to things... if the weather doesn't crash.  It's actually fairly nice outside this morning.

Yes, ducks have been fed and released... cats are fed and will get fresh water, plus litter box tending shortly.  I don't have anything easy to eat, currently.  Hmm, fatted coffee would be good.  And, I need an hour or three to wake.  At my best, it just takes a while to sort life out in the mornings.  And, feeling so good, I don't want to crash that.  So... slow and easy.

Dishes will get worked shortly, laundry will get started a bit after that, just... slowly do this and that as I wake.  Sure am hungry.  Carbs do that.  Gotta get off those again, and for a long time.  No carbs, for me, is equal to insulin, only better.  No side effects to any capacity I have been able to arrange.  All good, all good, we... me and the bugs... will get back to it... as we can.  Good morning, day, and possibly afternoon for some of you... actually most of you.  Later.

She can certainly get my attention.

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I never know if it's real.  Something says yes, but... logic... says no.  Now, when it comes to women, logic... has a limited involvement.  But reality is or isn't.  There is nothing else.  I think... so... she is... here.

A late wake.

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Barely standing, even two hours after waking.  I thought to put the ducks up, but they weren't trucking it.  I'll check shortly.  The girls were... pretty much demanding food.  So, fed they were.  I'll give them some snacks too.  I... can't remember how well I am feeding them.  I think I am doing okay, if the schedule is way off, they are getting enough.  I do my best.

Dishes, shortly, then a load of laundry.  I will just use the dryer.  I am not up to hanging things out and pulling them back off the line.  I really want to, I like the feel and scent of fresh hung out clothing.  And the feel of towels.  I... will hold off on towels until tomorrow, so that, maybe, I can hang them out to dry.  They become like extremely absorbent mild sandpaper for the skin.  They get dead flaky skin off without too much trouble, to my way of thinking.

Oh, and dinner.  After dishes, actually a shower, then a load of laundry, I'll brine chicken for an hour, then bake it.  It really works out well.  I will see what else is available to cook.  Having two meats available for various meals through the day keeps me on keto track a lot better.  There is plenty of chicken, a pack of thighs and drummies.  Otherwise I go through that a bit too fast.

I wasn't able to sleep until 06:30 or so?  Perhaps a bit later.  Waking at 17:00.  I tried.  Set alarms, let the girls up to wake me... even had the furnace up a bit higher.  It just didn't work.  My body sleeps when it can, and wakes when it can.  Little control currently, from the will side of things.  Oh, but all ducks are... or were... back, by this afternoon.  I best put them away.  I have food and water in with them, in case I can't wake in time.  But, I actually stayed up until it was light enough to let them out today.  Could have slept slightly earlier, but I wanted them out.  The last of the moderate days are passing, let them enjoy.  Some winter days they won't be let out.  Too dark, too dangerous.  Later.

Yea, well, no.

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Still awake.  Sleep eluded me.  Now... just staying awake until dawn, to let the birds out.  One more might be missing.  Will look again this morning.  It was late, hard to see perfectly.  And they work at hiding, sometimes.  Oh, so many difficulties.  I'll do what I can, when I can.  So tired though, if that isn't the same thing as being sleepy.

Earlier, it had been hoped.

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Sometimes it just doesn't work as it was hoped.  To bed, by 22:00ish, had been hoped.  It is now just almost midnight.  I'll get to bed shortly, for sure.

Pork chops were superior.  It's been a while since I could pull it all together and get a meal cooked, a proper meal.  I wasn't able to do the chicken, so stumbled after that.  But... it... will work out.  As well, no dishes were done.  No real problem, I am very close.  Too tired, to sore, to confused, to get anything else going, including getting back to bed.

I will sleep as long as needed, then, hopefully, hit the dishes and take a shower.  They need to be washed, again.  Then set out while I shower.  I could have done these in the kitchen sink, but... while I was using the tub in the tub, I just kept at it.  As well, I am hoping to put the laundry out on the line tomorrow morning.  And do another load as I wake, also to be put out.

I went virtual shopping tonight.  But... no...  I think I will just run in to the store, and buy a few things, such as butter, cabbage, brats, lettuce, and maybe a few other veggies.  Fresh if I can find a few.  Maybe a few grapefruits.  I can't have them often, but... it's been a while.  Two or three, if they look and smell right.  Perhaps a few other things, if the goal is to be well under fifty.  Difficult, these days.

As well, of course, lumber for more cages, hardware for those as well.  Perhaps hay... not feed, but straw hay... for the ducks.  And, if possible, getting to work on those as soon as possible.  I still have some hope to be ready by this weekend.  Hmm, I should check to see if any messages have gone back and forth, between home and away vicarious electronic pigeons.  I asked for a send, but not sure it went out.  Fair enough, I ask a lot for so very little.  To a degree...  There is much on offer, to be honest, but that is tomorrow, not today.

Later... good night, actually... in all ways.

Rough.

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Trying to get to things anyway.  A load of laundry is going.  The grill is heating.  Fresh tea is brewing.  After dinner, I am hoping to hit dishes, then get a shower.  Beginning to reset clocks.  Some don't need it, many do.  Pretty rough shape, not just of body.  My ability to focus is dreadful.  Trying to smack the rubik's cube into shape just... I keep missing the cues, can't see where I am, not sure about the next move.

Oh, I can complete it, but it might take three minutes instead of a minute twenty.  The latter is my new norm, when I can think rightly, and as many as six to eight in a row... not even excluding the time it takes to reset the cube, so it's actually faster.  I still haven't had the capacity to explore faster paths to completion, so... I guess there was a bit more room for manual speed improvements.  But that really is hitting a wall.

Then again, I am not sure I really want to invest more time in the project.  I have learned how to complete the rubik's cube.  Was able to do it between three and an half and six minutes initially, and brought that down to less than a minute and twenty seconds over multiple runs.  Sure, maybe, I could get faster.  But... why?  Then again, who knows, this may be as fast as it gets.  I am an old, ill, guy.

I am sure looking forward to the chops.  I haven't found any veggies, but I... haven't looked.  Hmm, I think I might know where some is easily found?  Oh, but no butter.  Meh, no thanks.  I might make a small order from the store, for pickup when I go in to get wood?  Yea, butter, a few cheap meats... hotdogs, more brots... love those, and maybe lettuce? cabbage?  Something like that.  Probably less than $50.  Enough butter for the month, though, two or three pounds.

So beat up.  I worked a bit too much, and really haven't healed well even yet.  So be it.  I'll... do what else I can in the hopes of finishing off sooner than later.  Maybe.  It's possible.  I can hurt later, and take some down time as needed... but after.  I hope your day is better.

Up, again, finally.

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Sleep was needed, terribly.  If I couldn't get to it until 07:30... non-adjusted time.  I am just waking at 17:00, adjusted time.  The goal, today, is at least a load of laundry, dishes, trash and recycling, and a shower.  That's it.  There aren't many dishes.  Laundry will be smaller loads.  There isn't even very much trash or recycling... I doubt more than a bag of each.

Beside having mostly caught up, I haven't been cooking or else much in the house with the work on the cages happening.  I have been eating horribly.  Whatever was quick, cheap, or fast.  There is no way I can cook and do the rest.  Just getting dishes in, and laundry in, from time to time, was about all of it.  And, more than I really could do.

My body is still sprung.  I can't use my joints to full expression, they have been taxed as hard as anything else.  Muscles still burn, if from minor use now.  But most aches and pains are background noise, if pretty constant.  Hands are still swollen.  I really am in double recovery now, if well on the road to it.  I still have work to do, but... not nearly as much as has been done, and with a clear plan to it.

So, yes, tomorrow... more wood, a few hardware pieces, and then back to it.  I may have enough food for a while, so I won't worry about that.  Pork chops soon, and chicken for supper.  Veggies would be good, if I can find some.  Canned green beans would be super, or a smaller can of beats.  I could even enjoy a salad, again, finally.  I just don't have those, or butter for the veggies, and reasonable stores are closed until Monday.  There is Walmart, but they require masks and their grocery section is of seriously questionable quality while their prices remain high.  So... yea... just meats, probably.  And fatted drinks.

So brutal.  Aches, pains, and else, are background, but it's full spectrum, high to low, left to right, up and down.  Everything hurts, everything is spent, even the 'funny bones' still nag.  A knot in the middle of my biceps, just a burning of my triceps, etc.  Everywhere, something of note hurts.  Some things unidentifiable as well.  It's... not a bad thing.  It means, as little or much as I did, I taxed my body well beyond normal means.  And, yes, I... like that.

I will sleep when I feel the need.  I won't worry about some form of propriety.  The only thing I will push myself with, regarding sleep, is making sure the critters get fed and watered, or the birds get let out.  Critters come before my recovery.  My care and upkeep, then goals, are the next in importance.  I've got plenty of extra, should I end up sleeping off a dozen or score of pounds... all good.

Later.

Almost 6:00?

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Ah, right.  WITH daylight savings, yes.  Still, the way sleep is off, that... might not be all bad.

To get to bed, after having had a few hours earlier, and to sleep as needed, when needed, perhaps it will all work out.  I'll set the alarms as usual.  Not sure I can or will wake, but... there is hope.  Today is not a work day.  I would like to do dishes, finish them possibly.  As well, a load or two of laundry.  I really like the towels hung out to dry.  They aren't nearly as soft, but absorbency goes through the roof.  And I like the scratching... like a scratch pad for a furless bear.

Someone is... being odd with the music they are introducing.  Some of it I get, some of it... I've said before, I'm... not weird squared, just... odd.  And, a good woman puts much of that to bed.  *grins*  But, someone hit the nail on the head, getting what happened earlier.  A post with songs from a couple years ago?  Something.  It is interesting how it works.  But, when they are viewing posts, before I write a particular post... but they don't show.  They almost have to know, beforehand, what I will be writing.  It must take an hour or two for whatever someone sees to show through, sometimes longer.

If it was a particular incident, perhaps like tonight, lets say they were involved.  The problem is, the incidents, thoughts, are dreams, aren't... possible for them to have known.  I have told no one, and am just writing about it in the present.  So, for them to have caught the notion several hours before?  And, yeah, it is... particularly poignant, for one or several of the songs, or whole theme.  They nailed it tonight.

Later.  Actually, good morning, day, and... night.

Already back up... just for a bit?

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I went to bed at 21:36.  Wanted to remember, did.  Woke a bit after midnight.  Couldn't remember the exact time, didn't try.  Dreamed.  In the dream, I put together an incident report of what actually did happen today.

As I was out, I grabbed a meal at a burger joint.  They have two lanes, some asshat pulled in the other way then tried to muscle his way through to my lane.  Nope.  Plus a few choice words.  Nigger being one of them.  One he happened to be.  He finished his ordering process before me, but tried to have me go first.  Nope.  I only ever want what is mine.  He paid for my meal.

Now, that would have seemed cool, but I was pretty sure that wasn't a gift.  I had no choice, but that was that.  I kept my awareness about me the rest of the night.  Turns out I was being tagged.  His vehicle was very peculiar.  A higher end, but a ministation wagon one.  I had never seen that config.  On my way to check on the critters, it was pretty dark, and I was switching lanes, and leaving the road, often enough that, tracking me would have been difficult.  And would have been noticed.

I kept seeing blacks, however, on the way up.  Which... was unusual.  Especially so many.  Yea, I... was wondering.  But I didn't see him.  On the way back, I did see him.  He, and at least one other vehicle, were jacking around... he was ahead of me, going just slow enough to make sure I would catch up, another was blocking the outer lane, but began advancing, and a third suv was behind, and began a push.

Then we all saw a cop suv, and all the tomshittery up and stopped.  Ten to one, they were using listening devices used by cops to hear what occupants are saying.  I knew cops had that years ago... proved it to Kordell by getting a cop to nearly ram us.  *grins*  Don't fuck with a psyops, boys and girls.  Anyway... looks like antifa, blm, agents, even in small college towns, have that gear.  If too, it looks like cops know about it and are on to some of it?  I saw three more cops on my way home.  I took a different path, checked as well as able, and got home eventually without seeing more.

Now... are the cops... which angle are they playing.  For all I know, saying nigger is grounds for arrest these days.  It looked like they broke up the attack, which only hadn't happened because they aren't used to attacking a driver who is willing to do what it takes to... keep out.  But... watch it out there, boys and girls, the groids are up in arms, and are on the attack.  Go armed or go home, and be ready to fight for your lives.  Don't die because a monkey doesn't like a word.  There is a reason they are called what they are called.

And, just understand, the cops aren't always going to be on your side, even when they seem to be.  They are so politically correct driven, they may be pc drones.

I remember, when taken from Iowa to Chicago, to the deserter detention center, in three points all the way... even on the airplane.  I think they try to break people that way?  And, then, at the center... where they tried their best to humiliate, hurt, bother.  I... just didn't mind.  Sitting there, allowed to do nothing, for days and weeks.  I... had no difficulty with anything.  Then... they realized... just what I was.  All stupid shittery stopped.  They... were told nothing of me.  Which, on top of their own instincts, frightened them even more.  Death, it was a form of death, they had bottled up.  One who was on a cruise like vacation, for all intents and purposes.  Worse, a Noone Death.  They all learn, in time.  I think half of the parties involved tonight know.  The other party may learn so fast it never registers.

It was a white or silver audi q7 or etron, I believe.  Saw it one too many times, in one too many places, for coincidence.  And in a caravan at the end.  So... yeah.  Watch it.  Watch for it.

But you, out there, watch it.  They are listening into your car.  Ask a cop friend about the tech.  They almost all, or all, have it in their vehicles.  Might not be admissible in court, but can lead them to what is or keep them from being shot.  *wink*  But that is how they are choosing who to pull out of vehicles and etc.  They may be listening to your homes, while they march by, as well... tagging certain people for future and present attacks.  Watch yourself out there.