Oh, ouch, but better.

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I crashed after that last post, after 13:00, before 14:00.  I had hoped I would wake by midafternoon.  No chance.  Just woke a bit ago, at 22:15.  Wrestled with waking for the last... six hours?  I would sit up, try to get going, only to find I had fallen back.  Still not sure I am staying up.  You have no idea how much effort I put into it.  In truth, I am not wrestling with sleep.  I am wrestling with death.  Death just isn't trying.  Sort of... punking a little brother.  Oh... he'll get his.  He will follow me, and hell with him.  Which means, I can take him where I want.

The legs are looking better, but still cramping.  I have learned to not scream when cramps hit, even three or four places at once.  I have learned to suffer the pains without writhing, too.  Tonight, only cramping in or or two places at a time.  I have, mostly, learned how to negotiate out of the cramps... without writhing or screaming.  At least once I am awake and realize it isn't a dream.  Zen, boys and girls.  It isn't... a religion, for me, just... a method of dealing with severe pain, or other difficulties.

Anyway...  The legs are looking normal again.  My size 13's fit, again.  Even the toe box had become too small, so that walking was painful.  I don't have 14's anymore, I just get some for these times.  I know which ones worked, will have to get a pair.  My feet have been agonizing for this last week... month?  It was the least of my pains, so only showed up on radar recently.  But I can tell, by the depth of the pains, that it's been a while.  But... why tell all.  I'll bet no one could even tell, I hide pain well.

The lungs are wet.  I think still wet, not just wet.  But, like the feet, that was a lessor problem... at least by severity of pain caused.  I have been tracking fluids in and out.  Yesterday, the times I was awake, I took in roughly four quarts, and kicked out roughly six liters (different measuring devices... you... do understand that, right?)  :p  And, tonight, I kicked out another eight liters... so I have dumped an extra ten liters... roughly... maybe eleven.  So, in the last three days (definitely, maybe more as I didn't track the middling day since I didn't take medicine, or the start day of medicine)... I have dumped at least 22 liters... with is about 5.8 gallons, at 8.3 pounds per gallon (of urine), so... 48 and change pounds of fluid.  Yea... I... reallllllly had to go.  Don't try this at home.

How do I get in such bad shape?  Trying to work, recover, feed the critters, feed myself, attend business, and... else... I... can't do it.  Things give, get lost, I crash, eat whatever is available, do what I must.  I... don't have a lot of choice.  I should be dead, this should be killing me.  Not the intent, but trying to do more than one can?  Isn't... that the point?  Who, in this life, gets to stop at what they can do correctly?  Is that... even allowed?  possible?  Cheers.  *grins*

Well, a bit of this or that.  Maybe something to eat.  Feeding the girls.  Dishes and laundry tending... if little left.  Perhaps getting trash ready... and maybe out.  A shower would be good.  And, hopefully, back to bed in time to be up to work again tomorrow.  An hour?  Three?  Two?  What I can, when I can.  I do know, as soon as that is done, I can get the rabbits, take some time off, get a phone, and... other things...  But rest.  I need... rest.  Lots and lots of rest, and medicine.  Later.  Or good night if I can't stay with it.  Good night again?  Will know soon.