Ugh.

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Things needed done.  And were.  Took everything I had to get them done though.

I finished the 24 hour urine test... for heavy metals.  As well, at the last, there was enough extra to do the standard ui.  But... I had to get up, through the night, and go downstairs to pee... they want most of it through that time.  And, since I pee a lot at night (sometimes), that's... when I had to do it.

Some one... said something.

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I wasn't sure I wanted to go with them, with that.

But... fine.

The patterns.

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It isn't all about me.  Had to ponder this one.  I figured it was to be about me.  In a way, it is.  In a way, it isn't.  The women I have known.  The youngest of them?  Has aged out of viability.  The oldest, last I knew, was still alive.  Women really don't age well, at all.  They start out as on top of the world as they can get.  Men start out as dogs, and generally get better.  Even if terminally ill, if unable to die.

Oh, yes.  Was someone saying something with this?  Is one of them dead, or dying?  I don't know.  Or... is it just a thought, from out there?  I can't say.  Just that it caught me off, I looked, and I saw.

Absolutely crashing.

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Cool?  Not really.  It is, or was, at least 47 out there.  Warm, if it doesn't feel it.  Dark, most of the day.  There was sunlight, from time to time.  But, mostly, it was cloudy out there.  That is part of it.

Dishes were put up.  Clean as a whistle, even the glass.  Very nice.  Which means I may attempt to restart with kefir.  I need something else to eat, and kefir is an excellent food.  It's just... it takes three quart jars and three half gallon jars, and frequent changes (say monthly), of some or all of those.

I am not the only one who can't seem to sleep.

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Digging.  With intent.

Too much to show all.  Some of my favored uncovered, and some... I think... that just go with the theme.  Tiptoe lightly, youngling.  Older than me?  After what you have uncovered, you... still think so?  *grins*

Still up, but shouldn't be.

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Finished the steak.  Had another coffee.  Kept Sassy in food as well.

Someone has been picking them.  I think a recent post or dozen have someone(s) picking through the scratch, looking for... indicators?  Or... just having a larf.

Awake for a while.

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I tried to wake earlier yet.  Made it awake, finally, at 14:30?  Perhaps as much as a quarter or score before?  Something in there.  More or less.  Fed Sassy.  Went looking for information my bank lady needs.  Found it, sent it.  It looks like the loan went through, they just need... more data, proof, whatnot.  I don't have all of it, sent what I have or can get.

Oh, my plan of being done with the house by March is... very unlikely.  Perhaps next March.  Not possible, this year.  Not sure I want to list it in the fall or winter, though... would look at the possibility.  Not sure what costs exist for listing.  Or else.  Will investigate several companies.  See what... schedule can be worked.

Such dreams.

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In the first one, I was back in high school.  Just about to leave.  Believe it or else, there were a few hens I could have picked from, for... longer relationships.  Marriage, probably.  For my part, I knew better.  Money.  The guys, my age, marrying then, where marrying for sex.  And they got it, for a while.

Whether in the service like me, or on their dad's farm, or getting a degree and then job?  The main problems right away was money.  Money, money, money.  Or sex.  Or sex and money.  The lack of each for the lack of one.  Though, more complicated than that, also... not so much more complicated.

Hmm?

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After seeing else, I... saw this.

You... don't hurt me, or matter.  Right?  Even a broken clock clocks it true twice a day.  I... don't mind.  Not... sure which one you are?  Doesn't matter.

Awake!

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For a while now, almost an hour?  Or so.  I was awake at 21:30, then fell back into the bedroll.  Snuggled with my dreams.  Sadly, no women in them, just warm sleep... like being in a heated cloud comforter.  Good dreams, those.  Finally made it out about an hour later.  And, warm.  I love dreaming of being in a warm wrap, like a big fluffy cotton candy thing, with warmth, and able to breath easily too.

Warm, when I woke.  Still warm now?  Strange.  I haven't turned the furnace up.  It is set to 66.  But, yes, strangely, I am quite warm.  I may not turn the furnace up, being this comfortable.

So they say.

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The dark and the light.

A response, or... some added thoughts?

Knock-Knock

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Who is there?

Oh... it's you.

Never sure.

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Mockery, encouragement, simping, or... some such?  Had to laugh.  And... not?  I enjoy the show as much as others.  Not always for the same reason.

Hmm?  Oh, video pops that made me do some addition, subtraction, and cross my eyes just a wee.

When to bed?

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No idea.  Awake around 18:00?  Give or take up to a score.  That's... twenty for you illiterates.  :p  Minutes, for those even less inclined to word and time tech.  :)

I hurt when I went to bed.  Should have gone to bed earlier?  Or... everything is just out of cync.  A bit of each.  And I feel rough on waking.  As if I had a good solid beating a few days ago.  Actually perhaps even just yesterday.  Sometimes I healed extremely quickly, sometimes it hurt badly for a week.  Depending on how many people were beating on me, or how well they were at their chosen temp hobby.  Some men, and boys, hit like girls.  I... almost felt bad for them, especially after I finished.  Almost.

Someone is saying something.

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I mean, technically, I fit in the second group this man discusses.  Beaten, burned, cut, shot, nearly shot, etc.  I haven't seen everything.  I have seen a lot of forms of violence.  Endured?  I would say endured.  I didn't seek it out.  Usually.  Everyone who comes to know violence has to go through a maturing process.  One hopefully they make it through.  So, there were times I was, or tried, to be a bully.

Whether right or wrong, I have gotten my ass handed to me.  Sometimes I pushed through, until I won.  Sometimes I... realized I was wrong and just ate it.  Learning lesson.  One of my favorite losses was absolutely deserved.  Could have been worse, too.  It's strange though?  When you... are right... true?  You can sometimes punch a thousand pounds above your weightclass.  But when you are wrong?  For me, it was like I became glass.

Estrogen all over everything.

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Oh, I don't mind.  I get the scent of... cinnamon buns, home made caramels, fried chicken, and lipstick.  Oh, and a hint of a parfum or three... well, and the scent of the purists, and... really purist purists.  Still, it's... around.  Hateful?  And curious.  Feminine.  Nosy.  Looking under rocks, even those.  Women.  Ladies?  Grins.

Oh, the videos.  Wonderful, or not.  Hundreds have clamored for eye space, time.  Some were dumped, some were allowed, only few are showing up.  Not... all are being showed because they are preferred.  Just... they were... a part of it.  So few will be showed.  Though, I did drop all the patriarchy ones.  Pretty much.

Not bad.

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Anything I eat, at this point, has the potential to push nausea, or relieve it.  Wasn't sure which way pickled pork hocks would go.  But really wanted some meat.  It isn't the most delicious, thinking more fried, roasted, or such, for meat.  But it surprisingly eased my nausea.  And, was somewhat satisfying.

There were only a few pieces, from the old jug.  I wasn't sure if the new jug would be better, being fresh.  Or if... pickled is pickled, so it wouldn't matter.  I do think the fresher is better.  Both are rather old, but have been refrigerated the whole time.  It's just that with one, the seal was broken probably six months ago?  Or longer.  Oh well.

The stories they tell.

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Sometimes... I almost suspect they do more than listen and regurgitate.

I hope not, in once sense.  Hope so, in another?  Stories, you know how they go.

I had to contemplated posting this.

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So it was considered.  So it is to be done.

To the young man, the other day, I saw out, publicly, in a dress.  You may or may not know this site.  Your father may hear of it, and connect you, or not.  Fragile?  Okay.

Ah, that's it?

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It was 72 everywhere upstairs, 70 in this front (usually the hottest) room of the home, and 68 in the main area downstairs.  Oh, and 36 outdoors?  An hour or two ago.  Crazy.  With no fans or else going.  As well, I am closing things up, windows.  To try to keep air in.  Warm air.  Well, the upstairs I keep open, or it might get too warm.  Okay, there are a few windows open down here, too.  Hmm.  But not as many as there were.  And I may close up the rest.

What I can't believe is that it is still getting up to 80 out there.  That's... warm.  By any standards.  Especially for me.  If that is almost cool, to me, these days?  Very strange.  Age?  Illness?  Getting better?  Is this what "healthy" feels like?  Tolerating up into the 90s without too much difficulty, but not being able to handle the 68 to 72 range?  Or... am I just having to acclimate?