When to bed?

.

.

No idea.  Awake around 18:00?  Give or take up to a score.  That's... twenty for you illiterates.  :p  Minutes, for those even less inclined to word and time tech.  :)

I hurt when I went to bed.  Should have gone to bed earlier?  Or... everything is just out of cync.  A bit of each.  And I feel rough on waking.  As if I had a good solid beating a few days ago.  Actually perhaps even just yesterday.  Sometimes I healed extremely quickly, sometimes it hurt badly for a week.  Depending on how many people were beating on me, or how well they were at their chosen temp hobby.  Some men, and boys, hit like girls.  I... almost felt bad for them, especially after I finished.  Almost.

The cream is here, so I'll make coffee.  Hopefully other food will be arriving.  Technically meat, but with breading.  Until I can pick up a few plackets of steaks, it'll do nicely.  Hoping Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday.  The big toe is better, but I'm back to not walking on it.

Have you ever wanted to surrender, to pain.  But there... was... no one and nothing to which to surrender?  So you just had to suffer?  Hard?  That's... where I am.  It's better than a day or two ago.  It is slowly getting better, again.  I still wonder if someone came in, while I was sleeping, and hurt that foot.  It had completely healed, until it become completely broken again.  Seriously... I sleep so hard that is doable.  And... I think some people know it.  Some people who hate me.  Or demons.  I... do piss things off, not all human, not all spirit.

Dreaming of women, again.  But, mostly, just conversations.  Something women like about me, if they also sort of don't like it, is that I can talk with them all day and night, and run them clean out of words.  I can... reverse the gig, so that they... don't want to talk to me, hear me, understand, for a while.  Though, sometimes, we can giggle and gaggle like a pair of chattering hens, for days.  They don't mind as long as they don't remember... who... what... I am.  Or... who or what they want me to be?  I have been considered, sometimes, as just another girlfriend, if with... peculiar benefits.  I don't mind.

Trying to stay on medicine.  Taking the main doses at least once a day, with pretty much everything.  Minerals, vitamins, medicine (main doses).  Though, sometimes, taking a slight extra dose, and secondary (planned) dose, later.  Sometimes extra minerals and vitamins every few days.

Oh, and painpills.  But I stopped for a few days because I was having long gusher bloody noses.  I'm taking some today, but... that'll be it until the middle of next week, if I feel the need.

So achy, rough.  It's a mean day.  But I'll keep at it, keep trying.  Say a few prayers.  I don't need pain relief from God, just a reminder that He is there, knows.  I will suffer through.  I just want Him to know what it is I do.  Not a brag, not whining, just... saying.  Hmm, I keep that up, He might begin thinking I really am a woman.  :p  Even I had to laugh when that realization bubbled to the surface.  Since I haven't been struck dead by lightning, I... think it's all good.

On... to something.  Later.

Bitch?  You know?  I can hear you.

Jealousy?  I teach, with pain.  Your pain, mine.  Amen.