Food.

.

.

Very good.  Was so hungry.  I did eat yesterday, but not much for a while before.  Oh, and I pretty much ate the steak whole.  Remember, these aren't small.  These are inch and a half steaks.  Steaks, usually, I eat over three to four days.  So I was very hungry.

Chicken arrived.  I ate three, thighs as it turned out.  The store was out of drumsticks.  All good.  Thighs are preferred, to be honest.

I ate breading and all.  Hungry.  Viciously hungry.  Thirstily hungry.  And, it was good.  However, I think what I will do, is take the breading off the rest, or after one more meal, then take the meat off the bone.  And, then, add that to keto variations of rice and pasta, with tomato, or cream based, sauces.  Hmm, yes.  Well, or just warm up some of the meat, all on it's own.

So hungry.  No fingers were lost in the eating.  And I could have gone longer.  Without.  I just didn't.  Gratefully.

Though the hope is to get back to... health.  Enough to buy steak.  And, just eat of that for the next month.  Cooking a steak every few days, then fasting a day or two between steaks.

I have been a bit off, in all ways, for a while.  A terminal stage.  But I don't get to die, not yet.  Not for a while.  Not for a long while.  All good though.  I suspect there are things to do.  I'd like to believe it is me, or that I am special.  But I know better.  One either serves, or is not needed.  We don't even get to choose whether we serve, or whether we are worthy of serving.  Only, if it comes to us, and is offered to us, we accept or not?  Even that is tenuous, but it is closer.

I don't think things are as they seem.  I also do not worry.  Even when life hurts, the pain isn't what it seems.  It is a grace, if one can see beyond themselves?  I suspect so.  Am I hated for seeing, being, suggesting, believing?  By some.  Others... find... a path.  Not in me, possibly in spite of me?  Although, if they follow my gaze, look to where I see life, truth, beauty?  I think they will understand.

Not... always like.  Who always like truth?  But... see, feel, sense, go... on their own path, in the same direction.  I am not a key, or key, to these things.  Hopefully, in spite of my failings though, perhaps I can be a directional?  Sin won't kill you, clinging to it will.  I am sinful, but deny it, rather than hold pride in it?  Mostly.

Well... sort of dream speaking/writing.  Not sure what it all means, but think there might be something to it.  Hope.  Later.