.
.
Not a deep snow. I believe the shovel will do. The wind doesn't seem to have shuffled it, looks to be a steady two to three inches, and lighter if not quite a powder? Light as valley winds, as with small brooks, it doesn't take much to do much. And around a house or between two buildings it can really tear. I'll get to it shortly.
Ah, the other shoveling? With days finally turning into nights, if that was an excellent run of day hour life, I need to push back to days. I shoved... hmm... just guessing but seven to ten hours into the schedule. Need to double that. Have stuff at, and headed to, the post. Further, just having days open opens possibilities, the world really.
No work yesterday. But no more messes made. Actually I did a small amount of sorting, and a few other if very small tasks. Those actually add up, as long as they aren't being buried by anything else. They aren't. If dishes, the very little left to do in the kitchen, and laundry can be finished, and I shower and eat out plus perhaps pick up foods of leisure for a bit, I... might... get back on the pitcher's mound and bat one into the lot. Yeah, a man with a thousand faces plays a slightly different game. Can't win, can't lose, but the show must go on and all that jazz. Heeeey, batter, batter, batter! Hmm? Never mind.
Well? It seems the lawn machine is at it. So shoveling isn't an albatross. Still have to do much, then shower, before attempting to go out like the brave mouse I must seem. I wasn't sure there was enough for it to work. Sounds like it. I'll salt a bit after.
On to waking. Yeah, just woke. Hmm, maybe just five to six hours added in? Maybe. Yesterday, more all told, probably. The problem with fog isn't just psychic visibility, but also memory. If an extra long nap can be put in, and the same pushing tomorrow, perhaps I can have mornings, roughly, through the first parts of this next week? Maybe. It's the medium term plan. Good afternoon.
I wonder and sometimes worry. Herein lie those ponderings with perhaps some editing but still in their truer forms. Whisper as well, though in truth, whispers are just that, rustlings in the wind and nothing more. It is kind to not be alone with one's own whispers.
Saturday, January 6, 2018
Believe as you wish.
.
.
Oh, I understand. Standing flat-footed, tossing grenades while laughing, then you think you saw someone chuck a nuke. Oh, but you can't do that, it is suggested. That isn't funny, and besides, and for realsies, feelings, dude! Hmm? Oh, a bit of blowback from comments. At one time, before some understanding occurred, I might well have backed off. Could be wrong, but... By the way, has California been put out? Sure could use the heat elsewhere innit. Told you.
.
Oh, I understand. Standing flat-footed, tossing grenades while laughing, then you think you saw someone chuck a nuke. Oh, but you can't do that, it is suggested. That isn't funny, and besides, and for realsies, feelings, dude! Hmm? Oh, a bit of blowback from comments. At one time, before some understanding occurred, I might well have backed off. Could be wrong, but... By the way, has California been put out? Sure could use the heat elsewhere innit. Told you.
Friday, January 5, 2018
Well?
.
.
Not much. I did go out for food. Because. Actually there was a reason. I thought food might help but had no ability to cook. Sometimes, assuming I can get out, a bit of food can start the engine. No, it didn't work. Doesn't mean I quit, not even today. It just means not yet. I may, if need be, try the same trick, with slightly different variations, in the next few days. Still fasting, just not using scant available energy to cook. I'll give it a few more chances.
Hey, I'm not seeing anything, but... the queen... ...long live the king? Just something that's been... itching my bean. Could be dead wrong, early, though they don't always say until fixes and jockeying have settled a bit. Modern times tG for refrigeration and makeup. *itch*
.
Not much. I did go out for food. Because. Actually there was a reason. I thought food might help but had no ability to cook. Sometimes, assuming I can get out, a bit of food can start the engine. No, it didn't work. Doesn't mean I quit, not even today. It just means not yet. I may, if need be, try the same trick, with slightly different variations, in the next few days. Still fasting, just not using scant available energy to cook. I'll give it a few more chances.
Hey, I'm not seeing anything, but... the queen... ...long live the king? Just something that's been... itching my bean. Could be dead wrong, early, though they don't always say until fixes and jockeying have settled a bit. Modern times tG for refrigeration and makeup. *itch*
Labels:
Christmas,
Gear,
Guy Stuff - Tech,
Video
Burned out.
.
.
Not from too much work, or too little. My fuses just aren't reliable. Medicine is on target, has been for a long time. I am right with the feedbag, not to heavy or light, if I have been thirstier than more recent norms. Since I have rarer fully conscious moments, absolute will over things like fluid intake is limited. So it is better, definitely, to adjust the quick fix, then perhaps attempt to find the major malfunction then bring that into line. Sleep is good, or as good as I know how to manage it.
Pain? Always there, lately. Only sometimes severe in the mornings and as bedtime approaches, and once in a while as a waking force during sleep periods. I haven't felt the need for painkillers in weeks, I think... thought about that a time or three but skipped, and rightly as the pain passed shortly. Not much else to do? The next time it snows, however, I plan to get out with the snowshoes. Depending on how deep will decide the location... temps don't really play a part.
I finally bought a long desired kit. Cordless power tools. As well, on the way, about the most powerfull batteries they take. This should make some of the work planned for this summer happen a lot more smoothly. Reroofing almost two outhouses, bolt work on the main roof, and maybe a few other odd jobs. They just opened a world to me. I'll keep the corded versions, for when serious power is needed, and that does happen.
A few things to check, something unnecessary may have been ordered. If so, I'll return it, but merely to purchase, finally, a router, a smaller if not tiny one. The ads for kits are confusing, out of date, if often to the benefit of the consumer... I thought the drill that came with the kit was hammer only, not so. Ugh. Still, love making sure, if buying tools or a few other items, I get what I want, especially at certain prices.
I wasn't able to do the refrigerator, dish washer, and microwave this year so I did this instead, at a quarter to third the cost. So :P the only thing I really wanted but forgot isn't a tool, a heater. I do have a propane burner, but that... isn't ideal for indoors, unless it is piped in. While kerosene heaters don't have an absolutely perfect rep, of the options with reasonable qualifiers of price, cost of fuel, shelf-life of fuel, and a dozen others it comes out way ahead in getting emergency heating in my home the soonest. Not sure I can do that yet this month, but it is next on the list. Well, and fuel tanks and fuel.
Today? I am hoping to just finish dishes, fold and put up what laundry is left, and finish the kitchen. What a disaster of a week, as to intent versus results! At least I never quit. I kept ahead, on a sliding scale, I enjoyed if that required a touch of compassion for self. I won't complain, or write the week off whole. And there is today, tomorrow, and next week. Amen.
.
Not from too much work, or too little. My fuses just aren't reliable. Medicine is on target, has been for a long time. I am right with the feedbag, not to heavy or light, if I have been thirstier than more recent norms. Since I have rarer fully conscious moments, absolute will over things like fluid intake is limited. So it is better, definitely, to adjust the quick fix, then perhaps attempt to find the major malfunction then bring that into line. Sleep is good, or as good as I know how to manage it.
Pain? Always there, lately. Only sometimes severe in the mornings and as bedtime approaches, and once in a while as a waking force during sleep periods. I haven't felt the need for painkillers in weeks, I think... thought about that a time or three but skipped, and rightly as the pain passed shortly. Not much else to do? The next time it snows, however, I plan to get out with the snowshoes. Depending on how deep will decide the location... temps don't really play a part.
I finally bought a long desired kit. Cordless power tools. As well, on the way, about the most powerfull batteries they take. This should make some of the work planned for this summer happen a lot more smoothly. Reroofing almost two outhouses, bolt work on the main roof, and maybe a few other odd jobs. They just opened a world to me. I'll keep the corded versions, for when serious power is needed, and that does happen.
A few things to check, something unnecessary may have been ordered. If so, I'll return it, but merely to purchase, finally, a router, a smaller if not tiny one. The ads for kits are confusing, out of date, if often to the benefit of the consumer... I thought the drill that came with the kit was hammer only, not so. Ugh. Still, love making sure, if buying tools or a few other items, I get what I want, especially at certain prices.
I wasn't able to do the refrigerator, dish washer, and microwave this year so I did this instead, at a quarter to third the cost. So :P the only thing I really wanted but forgot isn't a tool, a heater. I do have a propane burner, but that... isn't ideal for indoors, unless it is piped in. While kerosene heaters don't have an absolutely perfect rep, of the options with reasonable qualifiers of price, cost of fuel, shelf-life of fuel, and a dozen others it comes out way ahead in getting emergency heating in my home the soonest. Not sure I can do that yet this month, but it is next on the list. Well, and fuel tanks and fuel.
Today? I am hoping to just finish dishes, fold and put up what laundry is left, and finish the kitchen. What a disaster of a week, as to intent versus results! At least I never quit. I kept ahead, on a sliding scale, I enjoyed if that required a touch of compassion for self. I won't complain, or write the week off whole. And there is today, tomorrow, and next week. Amen.
Thursday, January 4, 2018
Awake, but what to do?
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.
Not a horrible start, just a lopsided one. Going to bed in Picasso-land, waking up where Dali thinks? Nothing seems quite as it should. Good sleep, only one mild dream which has been forgotten, only mild various pains, it is the mind or senses which seem out of sorts. Hopefully a bit of waking will help.
Still planning on dishes, kitchen cleanup, laundry, which then leaves me to the front room. My efforts have not been all that impressive, if the body and mind haven't been in good shape. Some days it isn't the marathon, or even the list of chores. Some days the great task is simply working up to being able to plan, or even just getting out of bed with some hope the day will sort itself. Trust me, as often as that has happened, I know, it will sort itself... whether you believe or remember matters not at all.
I think I am back to fasting. Two small meals less than six hour apart is the current practice. I really would like sides, from time to time. Beans soaked, so another batch of refried beans for today, this week, and by freezing half next or the following week. Salad, darker green, would be good, but that doesn't last well. And there is always the matter of dressing. I just wish I could set up a couple of simpler lower carb side dishes? Hmm? Oh, fine ask, especially out loud, and you will receive... homework! God helps those who help themselves. Oh, since fasting, I suspect I will be trying the ketone crystals and such. An half an hour befote diving in, no more than twice a day? I'll look over the instructions.
With finances ordered for the moment, I will set up an appointment with the doctor and a masseuse. Why a masseuse? I found that she will lower my bp more than the doctor and all the medicine he can give that I can take for less than a 90 day supply of any of the several medicines I take, which may end up helping diabetes. Right. I'll start out half an hour a month, might double that. Trouble, as with all things, is keeping up on schedules. Perhaps if I can schedule days before. You have no idea how troubling it is to not be good at keeping a simple appointment. Makes one not wish to even try sometimes.
Oh, my rosaries have gone missing. Shouldn't have, were right beside my bed. Any place I might have put them has been checked, if I am sure I didn't take them anywhere. I swear, sometimes... I have been, of the side, digging and looking for them. Gah!
On to waking. Juggling thought, potential actions, consternations, and else has stirred the blood. A few calls, or waking and then those, and probably more. Yeah. Opportunity seems more real. Good morning and day.
.
Not a horrible start, just a lopsided one. Going to bed in Picasso-land, waking up where Dali thinks? Nothing seems quite as it should. Good sleep, only one mild dream which has been forgotten, only mild various pains, it is the mind or senses which seem out of sorts. Hopefully a bit of waking will help.
Still planning on dishes, kitchen cleanup, laundry, which then leaves me to the front room. My efforts have not been all that impressive, if the body and mind haven't been in good shape. Some days it isn't the marathon, or even the list of chores. Some days the great task is simply working up to being able to plan, or even just getting out of bed with some hope the day will sort itself. Trust me, as often as that has happened, I know, it will sort itself... whether you believe or remember matters not at all.
I think I am back to fasting. Two small meals less than six hour apart is the current practice. I really would like sides, from time to time. Beans soaked, so another batch of refried beans for today, this week, and by freezing half next or the following week. Salad, darker green, would be good, but that doesn't last well. And there is always the matter of dressing. I just wish I could set up a couple of simpler lower carb side dishes? Hmm? Oh, fine ask, especially out loud, and you will receive... homework! God helps those who help themselves. Oh, since fasting, I suspect I will be trying the ketone crystals and such. An half an hour befote diving in, no more than twice a day? I'll look over the instructions.
With finances ordered for the moment, I will set up an appointment with the doctor and a masseuse. Why a masseuse? I found that she will lower my bp more than the doctor and all the medicine he can give that I can take for less than a 90 day supply of any of the several medicines I take, which may end up helping diabetes. Right. I'll start out half an hour a month, might double that. Trouble, as with all things, is keeping up on schedules. Perhaps if I can schedule days before. You have no idea how troubling it is to not be good at keeping a simple appointment. Makes one not wish to even try sometimes.
Oh, my rosaries have gone missing. Shouldn't have, were right beside my bed. Any place I might have put them has been checked, if I am sure I didn't take them anywhere. I swear, sometimes... I have been, of the side, digging and looking for them. Gah!
On to waking. Juggling thought, potential actions, consternations, and else has stirred the blood. A few calls, or waking and then those, and probably more. Yeah. Opportunity seems more real. Good morning and day.
Not so much, if there may be a tomorrow.
.
.
May be a tomorrow? Well yes. Who ever knows. No concerns other than the current suspension of reality in which I live. Just a general thought.
No more work. I have reviewed a number more Catholic videos. Some I felt called to examine, a few I really did not wish to view or more hear. It is often the ones which generate a negative reaction just to the title which do the best toward the goal of approaching God in His way. My way isn't full, right, successful. Oddly, I have noted that what I imagine will be a flogging ends up being... good. Oh, yeah, there might be stings and barbs, much as removing cactus barbs, various thorns, or other harms, but healing and relief follow swiftly or immediately. Limits, I am not up to perpetual sessions. And yet I am pleased with what God is leading me to and through.
I could do little else. If, quite often, just pushing the mind alone without potential castigations when this tired is no more possible than work. I hope He is well pleased. I certainly am, if to His glory in this. I am finished for the night. Work, sleep, and pray well through your night. Good night.
.
May be a tomorrow? Well yes. Who ever knows. No concerns other than the current suspension of reality in which I live. Just a general thought.
No more work. I have reviewed a number more Catholic videos. Some I felt called to examine, a few I really did not wish to view or more hear. It is often the ones which generate a negative reaction just to the title which do the best toward the goal of approaching God in His way. My way isn't full, right, successful. Oddly, I have noted that what I imagine will be a flogging ends up being... good. Oh, yeah, there might be stings and barbs, much as removing cactus barbs, various thorns, or other harms, but healing and relief follow swiftly or immediately. Limits, I am not up to perpetual sessions. And yet I am pleased with what God is leading me to and through.
I could do little else. If, quite often, just pushing the mind alone without potential castigations when this tired is no more possible than work. I hope He is well pleased. I certainly am, if to His glory in this. I am finished for the night. Work, sleep, and pray well through your night. Good night.
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
Naps can help.
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.
After, right after, the last post, I think, I saw a need and opportunity for a nap. Took it. Usually two hours, as was this one. Some nights, even naps, are so full of dreams it scarcely seems I could have slept. Sometimes I don't feel rested, or as rested as could be hoped. Being perpetually exhausted for thirty years means the sense of feeling rested is by very small comparative degrees, as if in vision I had monochrome versus most people having effectively a infinite color palette. Anyway. While I did wake beter rested, I also woke with so many dreams and thoughts on my mind that I simply couldn't put anything together, mutter something to the effect, to God, that I have limits. If He wishes understanding that He must be patient and His messengers must be ordered. For some reason I sensed it was from God.
Awake, better rested, if with no idea what that was about. I changed the wash water and ran the last fresh water through to clean the brewer, and then put the laundry through a tumble to freshen before changing out. Then this. It might not be all that interesting. And yet, perspective. There isn't any health to work with, it is almost all will.
.
After, right after, the last post, I think, I saw a need and opportunity for a nap. Took it. Usually two hours, as was this one. Some nights, even naps, are so full of dreams it scarcely seems I could have slept. Sometimes I don't feel rested, or as rested as could be hoped. Being perpetually exhausted for thirty years means the sense of feeling rested is by very small comparative degrees, as if in vision I had monochrome versus most people having effectively a infinite color palette. Anyway. While I did wake beter rested, I also woke with so many dreams and thoughts on my mind that I simply couldn't put anything together, mutter something to the effect, to God, that I have limits. If He wishes understanding that He must be patient and His messengers must be ordered. For some reason I sensed it was from God.
Awake, better rested, if with no idea what that was about. I changed the wash water and ran the last fresh water through to clean the brewer, and then put the laundry through a tumble to freshen before changing out. Then this. It might not be all that interesting. And yet, perspective. There isn't any health to work with, it is almost all will.
A reasonable beginning.
.
.
Still tired, as if I haven't waken fully. Some small discomforts persist. And yet the list is being whittled away. The plants received more water and time to use or enjoy it. Laundry was started. After settind dishes to a hot soak and putting the plants on the shower curtain bar to enjoy more hot moisture, the laundry was rotated. A vinegar run for the tea brewer, several as it will turn out, is on it's second run. The rest of the kitchen just needs surfaces washed, to catch up. Some of that will be messy but really not too bad.
Can I get through that and on to the front room? As early as it is, possibly. But two loads of laundry to fold/hang, a medium load of dishes which will take two washes to clean right, washing surfaces, plus a meal or two? Hmm... maybe not. If I do get to that room it will be just to vacate boxes, perhaps finish a minor step in the construction of the computer table. The old one has to go. Hmm... probably not if I will angle toward that.
I can't be sure if any visitors are familiar with St. Thomas Aquinas. I know I have heard of him long before I was Catholic, or understood that I was. Natural law, though other reasons, have drawn him to my attention since quite young. Approaching his works, since he was Catholic, while I wasn't, was a tricky endeavor. Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, these were more allowed if not as... they were obviously inferior, to my mind. And, yet, he is Catholic, no "was" about it. A seeming danger, betrayal, inside and out, more so when young and adults held more respected sway. And yet vastly superior.
I have been finding various parts of his works before me since I was 12, perhaps as early as 10. Wondering wandering thirsty daring minds always end up at certain doors. A passive and yet not notion is that all roads lead to Rome. As with much I often get the sense that, while I have been seeking, all my life, I keep finding a day late or a dollar short... or both. Aside from that, opportunities seem to arise.
.
Still tired, as if I haven't waken fully. Some small discomforts persist. And yet the list is being whittled away. The plants received more water and time to use or enjoy it. Laundry was started. After settind dishes to a hot soak and putting the plants on the shower curtain bar to enjoy more hot moisture, the laundry was rotated. A vinegar run for the tea brewer, several as it will turn out, is on it's second run. The rest of the kitchen just needs surfaces washed, to catch up. Some of that will be messy but really not too bad.
Can I get through that and on to the front room? As early as it is, possibly. But two loads of laundry to fold/hang, a medium load of dishes which will take two washes to clean right, washing surfaces, plus a meal or two? Hmm... maybe not. If I do get to that room it will be just to vacate boxes, perhaps finish a minor step in the construction of the computer table. The old one has to go. Hmm... probably not if I will angle toward that.
I can't be sure if any visitors are familiar with St. Thomas Aquinas. I know I have heard of him long before I was Catholic, or understood that I was. Natural law, though other reasons, have drawn him to my attention since quite young. Approaching his works, since he was Catholic, while I wasn't, was a tricky endeavor. Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, these were more allowed if not as... they were obviously inferior, to my mind. And, yet, he is Catholic, no "was" about it. A seeming danger, betrayal, inside and out, more so when young and adults held more respected sway. And yet vastly superior.
I have been finding various parts of his works before me since I was 12, perhaps as early as 10. Wondering wandering thirsty daring minds always end up at certain doors. A passive and yet not notion is that all roads lead to Rome. As with much I often get the sense that, while I have been seeking, all my life, I keep finding a day late or a dollar short... or both. Aside from that, opportunities seem to arise.
Can't argue with good sleep.
.
.
Late, but then it was quite late to bed. Not much pain, nothing great, only a few small areas and types. All good. A bit groggy but consciousness for the day was minted moments ago, rarely is it otherwise. Plans are being formulated. Wednesday? It was Wednesday when I went to bed! I'm getting ripped off? No, actually I'm getting a two for one, sometimes more with naps.
I stayed up later and later, willing things done but with no more force of will than a bird's hatchling, chirping and squawking, without the strength to do anything. As vision tunnels, that can become an insomniac trap. For the most part I realized the error rather quickly and went on to bed. A made bed, after showering, and with the ac and regular fan which had cooled the room to a glorious 46 F. Oh, after the heat, or sense of it, that last was the most welcome... as a just heat-treated sword being drenched in water... wonderful.
I noticed the plants were looking a bit limp this morning. Well greened and healthy otherwise, so while I wake I gave them a short shower, will leave them in the mild sauna space, then probably dose them better shortly with a longer shower... letting that first soften all in readiness for a deep soak.
I suppose I could begin laundry after the next watering, with plans to set up dishes afterward. The only goal is to get the kitchen back in order and then begin in the front room. I'm not up to hacking my way through two areas and types of work at once. Plus, I have found, to the positive or opposite, whatever an area presents is compounded and the kitchen is true that way moreso than other rooms. I am sure I will get to the front room yet this week, perhaps finishing it.
Still seems a bit warm. I don't trust to turn the furnace down further. I like having some breathing room should the furnace stop, and I am never sure about the temps near pipes. Well, and I have seen some thermostats/furnaces stop functioning two degrees cooler. I've seen that often enough I suspect it is, or was, some system limit, though whether a manufactured, practical, or mechanical limit I never learned. Possibly a thing of the past, if this system is quite old.
What? Right. Chattering to be sure. On to visits and what passes for news. Good day.
.
Late, but then it was quite late to bed. Not much pain, nothing great, only a few small areas and types. All good. A bit groggy but consciousness for the day was minted moments ago, rarely is it otherwise. Plans are being formulated. Wednesday? It was Wednesday when I went to bed! I'm getting ripped off? No, actually I'm getting a two for one, sometimes more with naps.
I stayed up later and later, willing things done but with no more force of will than a bird's hatchling, chirping and squawking, without the strength to do anything. As vision tunnels, that can become an insomniac trap. For the most part I realized the error rather quickly and went on to bed. A made bed, after showering, and with the ac and regular fan which had cooled the room to a glorious 46 F. Oh, after the heat, or sense of it, that last was the most welcome... as a just heat-treated sword being drenched in water... wonderful.
I noticed the plants were looking a bit limp this morning. Well greened and healthy otherwise, so while I wake I gave them a short shower, will leave them in the mild sauna space, then probably dose them better shortly with a longer shower... letting that first soften all in readiness for a deep soak.
I suppose I could begin laundry after the next watering, with plans to set up dishes afterward. The only goal is to get the kitchen back in order and then begin in the front room. I'm not up to hacking my way through two areas and types of work at once. Plus, I have found, to the positive or opposite, whatever an area presents is compounded and the kitchen is true that way moreso than other rooms. I am sure I will get to the front room yet this week, perhaps finishing it.
Still seems a bit warm. I don't trust to turn the furnace down further. I like having some breathing room should the furnace stop, and I am never sure about the temps near pipes. Well, and I have seen some thermostats/furnaces stop functioning two degrees cooler. I've seen that often enough I suspect it is, or was, some system limit, though whether a manufactured, practical, or mechanical limit I never learned. Possibly a thing of the past, if this system is quite old.
What? Right. Chattering to be sure. On to visits and what passes for news. Good day.
So slow.
.
.
No real complaints. I knew there was far too much to do on the list. I am surprised, in my condition, that I have gotten the first sets of dishes completed, some cleaning in the kitchen, sheets changed, and all laundry back. I need to be up for a bit, to dry off and hopefully to set the last group of dishes. I have to wait on more hot water, or at least to catch my breath. Oh, I closed up and refrigerated the kefir. It was moving fast and I don't have enough store milk to mess with it.
Pretty much chewed through my gas tank, hit the reserves, then blew on through fumes. Not sure if that will grant me the rest of the dead or the agony of the undying. All good, wouldn't change a thing. Hope to keep going tomorrow. Even if it hurts, sometimes pushing through is still possible. I think it will work out just fine.
I seem to be burning up tonight. Not really a fever thing, just sensitive to the heat. Turned the furnace way down, still feel like it's summer in Iowa... on a moderate day, if that is still brutal to me. Hmm? Oh, the rosary and reading. I think I can do those while my hair dries.
Good night.
.
No real complaints. I knew there was far too much to do on the list. I am surprised, in my condition, that I have gotten the first sets of dishes completed, some cleaning in the kitchen, sheets changed, and all laundry back. I need to be up for a bit, to dry off and hopefully to set the last group of dishes. I have to wait on more hot water, or at least to catch my breath. Oh, I closed up and refrigerated the kefir. It was moving fast and I don't have enough store milk to mess with it.
Pretty much chewed through my gas tank, hit the reserves, then blew on through fumes. Not sure if that will grant me the rest of the dead or the agony of the undying. All good, wouldn't change a thing. Hope to keep going tomorrow. Even if it hurts, sometimes pushing through is still possible. I think it will work out just fine.
I seem to be burning up tonight. Not really a fever thing, just sensitive to the heat. Turned the furnace way down, still feel like it's summer in Iowa... on a moderate day, if that is still brutal to me. Hmm? Oh, the rosary and reading. I think I can do those while my hair dries.
Good night.
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
Smooth.
.
.
Some good tidings so a few things are moving ahead. Small bits of work, currently cooking. Three meats were out, pork, beef roast, and chicken. Only the chicken remains to be completed, at least to general doneness. The rest will be crisped as needed, save the beef which simply needs heated.
I didn't mention, but when I explained what happened with the milk, my store backed the product. Now, I wasn't there to get free milk, only to find out what to do next time. I won't take them up on their offer, as one gallon per visit is too shy, since my visits are not frequent enough to... if I need milk, even for kefir starting, I need several, at least two. Might see if they will go with me buying an extra or two... I have what I have going plus new kefir crystals arriving Friday. That's a lot to be feeding. My fridge is both cold and clean enough. The problem was the milk, every bad jug was opened the day I brought it home. Still, impressed that without proof they would do that. Been shopping there a lot of years and this is my first return, if honestly that wasn't even my intent. So... :p
I just had some of the pork. Oven broasted, then a few strips crisped out on the grill. Yeah, it takes a bit out there, and dang but does the doorJam rock get hard and my foot soften to it in the cold. Especially when wearing sandals German style, with socks. Oh how I used to laugh. Crow might be best served cold, but I prefer it just a bit warmed. Not my call, sure was my toes!
I am hoping to get the dishes soaking finished, hit a shower, then set up the next batch of beans to soak, and clean the kitchen. I really can't be sure? While dinner is sorted, I do believe I'll get to the rosary for the sis I know the least. Oh, I know, faster, hurry, yesterday! But, no. And I assure you, God absolutely knows why. Probably moving too fast as is. For short times He seems to cover that.
As to things lately? At least in these more recent days, years, I do get it. Nothing like suffering seemingly frozen, or burning, alone. Oh, I checked burn rates with temperature the other night. While time of contact and temperature have a correlation, if what I read is true, any contact with objects 140 (F, I think?) is supposed to cause instant 3rd degree burns. Perhaps the skillet hadn't gotten to 275 in the hour, or maybe it wasn't a full hour, just a half? Though... I've done other like it, if I have also learned not to test. Something though. Perhaps God simply spares fools forced to wander without all awareness. If sometimes, more in years past, I wonder just exactly where I am.
.
Some good tidings so a few things are moving ahead. Small bits of work, currently cooking. Three meats were out, pork, beef roast, and chicken. Only the chicken remains to be completed, at least to general doneness. The rest will be crisped as needed, save the beef which simply needs heated.
I didn't mention, but when I explained what happened with the milk, my store backed the product. Now, I wasn't there to get free milk, only to find out what to do next time. I won't take them up on their offer, as one gallon per visit is too shy, since my visits are not frequent enough to... if I need milk, even for kefir starting, I need several, at least two. Might see if they will go with me buying an extra or two... I have what I have going plus new kefir crystals arriving Friday. That's a lot to be feeding. My fridge is both cold and clean enough. The problem was the milk, every bad jug was opened the day I brought it home. Still, impressed that without proof they would do that. Been shopping there a lot of years and this is my first return, if honestly that wasn't even my intent. So... :p
I just had some of the pork. Oven broasted, then a few strips crisped out on the grill. Yeah, it takes a bit out there, and dang but does the doorJam rock get hard and my foot soften to it in the cold. Especially when wearing sandals German style, with socks. Oh how I used to laugh. Crow might be best served cold, but I prefer it just a bit warmed. Not my call, sure was my toes!
I am hoping to get the dishes soaking finished, hit a shower, then set up the next batch of beans to soak, and clean the kitchen. I really can't be sure? While dinner is sorted, I do believe I'll get to the rosary for the sis I know the least. Oh, I know, faster, hurry, yesterday! But, no. And I assure you, God absolutely knows why. Probably moving too fast as is. For short times He seems to cover that.
As to things lately? At least in these more recent days, years, I do get it. Nothing like suffering seemingly frozen, or burning, alone. Oh, I checked burn rates with temperature the other night. While time of contact and temperature have a correlation, if what I read is true, any contact with objects 140 (F, I think?) is supposed to cause instant 3rd degree burns. Perhaps the skillet hadn't gotten to 275 in the hour, or maybe it wasn't a full hour, just a half? Though... I've done other like it, if I have also learned not to test. Something though. Perhaps God simply spares fools forced to wander without all awareness. If sometimes, more in years past, I wonder just exactly where I am.
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Doom's Consternations,
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Music
A pretty good morning.
.
.
It might be a noon thirty start. Not sure but I may be pinned, mostly, to my chair today. The pain is quite mild, mood is good, and fog is light. If those things aren't in that order, resting doesn't take place. I suspect I need rest. That doesn't mean I won't work. It simply means, of the three general areas, only one, and mostly in one zone, will be entertained... catching up on dishes and in the kitchen.
Work won't start for a couple hours, if it starts. Simply the basic physics of my physiology coupled with various variable highs and lows. Still, I have solid hopes. As well, reading should be available again today. Fog is the main impediment to that, not a problem so far today.
If it weren't for the really hard times I wouldn't enjoy what most of you probably consider normal times. Nominally pain free, clear thinking, with only light friction against thought or action. What baffles me is how close those two different examples of wellness can be... hours, even moments. It's like having a house lowered on you, then lifted, at odd times, without sense. Doesn't seem fatal. Whatever. Later.
Oh, if you are interested in helping? Now or ever? Even a short prayer to the God of Abraham though not the one said to be the same god by Western fools while denied by the Eastern monsters, save when it allows there terrorists passage.
.
It might be a noon thirty start. Not sure but I may be pinned, mostly, to my chair today. The pain is quite mild, mood is good, and fog is light. If those things aren't in that order, resting doesn't take place. I suspect I need rest. That doesn't mean I won't work. It simply means, of the three general areas, only one, and mostly in one zone, will be entertained... catching up on dishes and in the kitchen.
Work won't start for a couple hours, if it starts. Simply the basic physics of my physiology coupled with various variable highs and lows. Still, I have solid hopes. As well, reading should be available again today. Fog is the main impediment to that, not a problem so far today.
If it weren't for the really hard times I wouldn't enjoy what most of you probably consider normal times. Nominally pain free, clear thinking, with only light friction against thought or action. What baffles me is how close those two different examples of wellness can be... hours, even moments. It's like having a house lowered on you, then lifted, at odd times, without sense. Doesn't seem fatal. Whatever. Later.
Oh, if you are interested in helping? Now or ever? Even a short prayer to the God of Abraham though not the one said to be the same god by Western fools while denied by the Eastern monsters, save when it allows there terrorists passage.
When all else fails.
.
.
Not that I wait until all else fails, merely, again, when all else fails I reach out in faith. I do not seek relief from pain, or request more pain as some suggest... I don't think some knuckleheads know whatfor they chatter. I merely look to God, as an old hound might look to his Master. Remembering good and true things, times gone, now, and yet to be.
I understand that this suffering could be lifted. I have absolute faith in my Lord. Enough even to know that if neither surcease nor death is granted that it is both God's will and with purpose. So, I seek deeper understanding. While reading is limited there are other means.
The notion that humility is not a strong point keeps bugging me. I greatly respect that grace. I do examine methods to enhance it. Some people do not advise well. I greatly wonder if they follow their own prescriptions. Doubts. Visceral self-debasement... or turning one's self into a rug, neither is wise or good. I do seek, and will find. For now, knowing I have an unholy thorn in my side will keep me on the trail, and add to prayers.
In time the suffering has ended. I believe sleep may happen. Gratefully, but not just for the rest, but for the allowance of preparation for His will through the discomforts. A dog, animal, I may truly be, but called to be His beast, somehow. Amen and good night. Blessings and prayers.
.
Not that I wait until all else fails, merely, again, when all else fails I reach out in faith. I do not seek relief from pain, or request more pain as some suggest... I don't think some knuckleheads know whatfor they chatter. I merely look to God, as an old hound might look to his Master. Remembering good and true things, times gone, now, and yet to be.
I understand that this suffering could be lifted. I have absolute faith in my Lord. Enough even to know that if neither surcease nor death is granted that it is both God's will and with purpose. So, I seek deeper understanding. While reading is limited there are other means.
The notion that humility is not a strong point keeps bugging me. I greatly respect that grace. I do examine methods to enhance it. Some people do not advise well. I greatly wonder if they follow their own prescriptions. Doubts. Visceral self-debasement... or turning one's self into a rug, neither is wise or good. I do seek, and will find. For now, knowing I have an unholy thorn in my side will keep me on the trail, and add to prayers.
In time the suffering has ended. I believe sleep may happen. Gratefully, but not just for the rest, but for the allowance of preparation for His will through the discomforts. A dog, animal, I may truly be, but called to be His beast, somehow. Amen and good night. Blessings and prayers.
Monday, January 1, 2018
Hard night.
.
.
To bed by 19:00: back up by 21:00. Headache and just not feeling well all around. I don't have many options. Can't think straight to do much even if there was something available. Prayers were offered before sleep and after, twice. I will try to go back to bed. Aspirin did nothing this time. Just one of those nights.
Good night, perhaps.
.
To bed by 19:00: back up by 21:00. Headache and just not feeling well all around. I don't have many options. Can't think straight to do much even if there was something available. Prayers were offered before sleep and after, twice. I will try to go back to bed. Aspirin did nothing this time. Just one of those nights.
Good night, perhaps.
A special new week?
.
.
The first new week in the new year. Is that truly special? I suspect it is at least if you understand it all, more so if you are young enough to believe... or maybe have become old enough to have returned to your childhood to a degree? I think I might be stuck in a more doubting age if partly through the fog and other limits of health. There are graces unique to each station in life, as well as faults. I suspect being ill slows maturity, changes how it occurs. Not bad things, as sometimes, for example, if roots can't go so deep, they can branch better. If one keeps at it, the volume will be at some competition or more to raw depth. Not all parables work out exactly, and you should know this.
This morning? Have you ever sparred? Specifically with a guy who means to work your torso, one who is better at delivery than you are at defense? I have. I think the school was Billy Martinez Elementary, in Greely. A good friend in my class boxed, his whole family did. I wasn't allowed, and wisely as I see things now. However I did spar, probably without permission. *cough* It was more head problems that was a concern, much mitigated with headgear and strict coaching. Torso practice wasn't seen as a problem at all. I was too big to spar with my friend. It was his second or third older brother, whichever was working that day, who I was set to work.
I mean that my torso is beginning to seem comparatively more solid after a few weeks of pain in the torso as it did from sparring. The body changes. Never becoming immune, but effectively immune to one's weight class and maybe a level or two higher weight classes, but among those who don't practice punching. My situation is from tightening, contracting, from internal pain. Not sure if that is the same, or if it just feels like it.
I finally turned the ac unit's fan on. It said the air was 34 to 36 F, if I am sure it wasn't. The house temp was throwing the reading off. I set the timer for two hours with the ac fan. I also used the regular fan. Waking well after the ac fan stopped, the room was 50 F. Not quite as cool as I had hoped, but definitely better than the high 50's to low 60's. I did sleep much better, keeping the regular fan going all night.
I never got to everything. Dishes got hit once, the toilet was well cleaned, then that was that. Oh, well, medicine was set for this next month. I have been doing rather well with medicine. Setting it up not always so much. It takes focus. Sometimes I could only set things up for a few days, sometimes a week, or two. Stop-gap, doing what I could. Finally, all set and on full doses as I have been for... nearly since late August, October? Not absolutely sure, doing well for months.
Now to wake, feed the girls, then get to dishes. The real goal of the week is completing the front room, then catching up in the kitchen. The rest of the kitchen is for next week. Later.
.
The first new week in the new year. Is that truly special? I suspect it is at least if you understand it all, more so if you are young enough to believe... or maybe have become old enough to have returned to your childhood to a degree? I think I might be stuck in a more doubting age if partly through the fog and other limits of health. There are graces unique to each station in life, as well as faults. I suspect being ill slows maturity, changes how it occurs. Not bad things, as sometimes, for example, if roots can't go so deep, they can branch better. If one keeps at it, the volume will be at some competition or more to raw depth. Not all parables work out exactly, and you should know this.
This morning? Have you ever sparred? Specifically with a guy who means to work your torso, one who is better at delivery than you are at defense? I have. I think the school was Billy Martinez Elementary, in Greely. A good friend in my class boxed, his whole family did. I wasn't allowed, and wisely as I see things now. However I did spar, probably without permission. *cough* It was more head problems that was a concern, much mitigated with headgear and strict coaching. Torso practice wasn't seen as a problem at all. I was too big to spar with my friend. It was his second or third older brother, whichever was working that day, who I was set to work.
I mean that my torso is beginning to seem comparatively more solid after a few weeks of pain in the torso as it did from sparring. The body changes. Never becoming immune, but effectively immune to one's weight class and maybe a level or two higher weight classes, but among those who don't practice punching. My situation is from tightening, contracting, from internal pain. Not sure if that is the same, or if it just feels like it.
I finally turned the ac unit's fan on. It said the air was 34 to 36 F, if I am sure it wasn't. The house temp was throwing the reading off. I set the timer for two hours with the ac fan. I also used the regular fan. Waking well after the ac fan stopped, the room was 50 F. Not quite as cool as I had hoped, but definitely better than the high 50's to low 60's. I did sleep much better, keeping the regular fan going all night.
I never got to everything. Dishes got hit once, the toilet was well cleaned, then that was that. Oh, well, medicine was set for this next month. I have been doing rather well with medicine. Setting it up not always so much. It takes focus. Sometimes I could only set things up for a few days, sometimes a week, or two. Stop-gap, doing what I could. Finally, all set and on full doses as I have been for... nearly since late August, October? Not absolutely sure, doing well for months.
Now to wake, feed the girls, then get to dishes. The real goal of the week is completing the front room, then catching up in the kitchen. The rest of the kitchen is for next week. Later.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Late waking, of course.
.
.
With three hours last night and five or six the previous evening chunked out of a sleep period some extra sleep has to be found. Sometimes I can suffer through. If travelling, visiting folk, to an event, even to see family. Adrenaline floods, if not a terribly negative thing. That usually improves health unless extended too long. Though no matter, I will end up cratering. I guess, in truth, there is always a price.
I had been doing days well. That had, very slowly, been slipping. These recent events have caused a three hour loss. I don't think I can fix that if I might be able to hold to that... unless I keep having night wakings, or if the temps rise. Spring, even simple warmer weather, will bring chaos to my rest. Sleep and relative heat don't mix. On the good side, as I have become healthier I have been able to adjust to heat, up to a point. Ugh, just not a summer ogre, mostly, even so.
Today? I don't known that! It is Sunday. Without potential requirements work is not planned. One bag of trash, but it must at least be put out. I would like to find more to add to the bag for a full load. Just... well... to remove some things and because I pay either way? Yeah. Non-use isn't saving, it is wasting with even just clutter to go. Ugh!
I would like to catch up on dishes and shower. I am not quite up to church, but I think confession, then mass, then as possible. Perhaps that isn't as possible. Perhaps it might be. Life won't be filled with choices, as you may know them, if food to include fasting, medicine, and greater prayer including the rosary are... opening a few more doors. Might lead to more, out the door or just more in my cave. As even Jesus said, Father's will, not mine. Sometimes suffering is to be one's calling. Amen.
If you happen to make it, a prayer of thanks on my behalf would be appreciated. Later.
.
With three hours last night and five or six the previous evening chunked out of a sleep period some extra sleep has to be found. Sometimes I can suffer through. If travelling, visiting folk, to an event, even to see family. Adrenaline floods, if not a terribly negative thing. That usually improves health unless extended too long. Though no matter, I will end up cratering. I guess, in truth, there is always a price.
I had been doing days well. That had, very slowly, been slipping. These recent events have caused a three hour loss. I don't think I can fix that if I might be able to hold to that... unless I keep having night wakings, or if the temps rise. Spring, even simple warmer weather, will bring chaos to my rest. Sleep and relative heat don't mix. On the good side, as I have become healthier I have been able to adjust to heat, up to a point. Ugh, just not a summer ogre, mostly, even so.
Today? I don't known that! It is Sunday. Without potential requirements work is not planned. One bag of trash, but it must at least be put out. I would like to find more to add to the bag for a full load. Just... well... to remove some things and because I pay either way? Yeah. Non-use isn't saving, it is wasting with even just clutter to go. Ugh!
I would like to catch up on dishes and shower. I am not quite up to church, but I think confession, then mass, then as possible. Perhaps that isn't as possible. Perhaps it might be. Life won't be filled with choices, as you may know them, if food to include fasting, medicine, and greater prayer including the rosary are... opening a few more doors. Might lead to more, out the door or just more in my cave. As even Jesus said, Father's will, not mine. Sometimes suffering is to be one's calling. Amen.
If you happen to make it, a prayer of thanks on my behalf would be appreciated. Later.
Hmm? Oh, well, it just is.
.
.
No pain. Simply no longer asleep. Thirsty. Too warm hereabouts? Tonight, I think so. Even with the fan, my sleeping chamber is only getting to the high 50's. Yeah, that's like spring! I may have to see if the ac fan, on a timer, will help. Oh, I know, many of you wish for this sort of heat wave. If I weren't sure some neighbors, especially the female varietal (men would too, but the 'know' better while woman are simply violent :P ), I'd trade you. Now, mind you, it's NOT in the upper 50's outside! That is simply as cool as it has been getting in that unheated room (actually heated through radiation from the stone wall of the original stone house to which it is now attached).
Very thirsty. I'll tank up, probably a gallon and an half. Thirsty! I did get, finally, one batch of kefir to create grains large enough they didn't go through the strainer, barely. Two weeks of working with the stuff, or more, mostly just cutting kefir in with new milk. Even so, these grains just won't do. The other stuff, which used to grain up, is no better. That stuff, when I get it going, usually cuts thirst. Haven't tried the whey yet, curious about it. Sure cuts lactose, if milk doesn't seem to ding diabetes all that bad for me. Can be large variances. Though, too, when I quit my artificial sweetener then lactose might become the next weak point. So... kefir. Still, this time I went for the wrong starter, but it was the only one locally. Oops.
Dreams. Five days, one week, those words were the whole of the dream. Not the first time I heard that. Last time, a song was found which explained that dream with, initially, visuals and a sense. After some time of listening I finally heard those exact words. Yeah, I don't always understand right off. Sometimes I never get what it was all about. You might get it better or before me... if I'm not sure that understanding leads anywhere? Certainly not always to me. Hmm? I simply don't know, not sure I want to know. Especially if you saw the things I don't write about. If I suspect those are, eventually, for me.
Oh, I meant to ask the other day. Is 275 degrees F considered really hot. I had a cast iron skillet in the oven while bringing it to that temp for the carnitas. It was at that temp for about an hour, so I'm pretty sure the skillet was. I was able, without thinking, to move it from the oven to the stovetop. Now, when I realized what I had done I checked for damage. None. So I checked if I could do that consciously. No problem. Though maybe 275 F isn't really that hot?
On to net snooping until sleep can be found. Finishing up the album from the other night. Not all bad. Later or good night.
.
No pain. Simply no longer asleep. Thirsty. Too warm hereabouts? Tonight, I think so. Even with the fan, my sleeping chamber is only getting to the high 50's. Yeah, that's like spring! I may have to see if the ac fan, on a timer, will help. Oh, I know, many of you wish for this sort of heat wave. If I weren't sure some neighbors, especially the female varietal (men would too, but the 'know' better while woman are simply violent :P ), I'd trade you. Now, mind you, it's NOT in the upper 50's outside! That is simply as cool as it has been getting in that unheated room (actually heated through radiation from the stone wall of the original stone house to which it is now attached).
Very thirsty. I'll tank up, probably a gallon and an half. Thirsty! I did get, finally, one batch of kefir to create grains large enough they didn't go through the strainer, barely. Two weeks of working with the stuff, or more, mostly just cutting kefir in with new milk. Even so, these grains just won't do. The other stuff, which used to grain up, is no better. That stuff, when I get it going, usually cuts thirst. Haven't tried the whey yet, curious about it. Sure cuts lactose, if milk doesn't seem to ding diabetes all that bad for me. Can be large variances. Though, too, when I quit my artificial sweetener then lactose might become the next weak point. So... kefir. Still, this time I went for the wrong starter, but it was the only one locally. Oops.
Dreams. Five days, one week, those words were the whole of the dream. Not the first time I heard that. Last time, a song was found which explained that dream with, initially, visuals and a sense. After some time of listening I finally heard those exact words. Yeah, I don't always understand right off. Sometimes I never get what it was all about. You might get it better or before me... if I'm not sure that understanding leads anywhere? Certainly not always to me. Hmm? I simply don't know, not sure I want to know. Especially if you saw the things I don't write about. If I suspect those are, eventually, for me.
Oh, I meant to ask the other day. Is 275 degrees F considered really hot. I had a cast iron skillet in the oven while bringing it to that temp for the carnitas. It was at that temp for about an hour, so I'm pretty sure the skillet was. I was able, without thinking, to move it from the oven to the stovetop. Now, when I realized what I had done I checked for damage. None. So I checked if I could do that consciously. No problem. Though maybe 275 F isn't really that hot?
On to net snooping until sleep can be found. Finishing up the album from the other night. Not all bad. Later or good night.
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