Just Vote NO

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This was my plan when John McCain became the Republican nominee. Obomber was never in the running for me, his overt socialist, to say the least, political views are a non-starter here. Yet McCain is only a shade lighter in that area. He has supported an encroachment upon free speech, he has chosen the middle ground regarding the judiciary (which usually ends up meaning liberal), he has never been a supporter of the 2nd amendment, he has never supported the pro-life movement, and he is antagonistic toward conservatives and conservativism.

I have always felt that the service was and is the socialism created so the rest of us need not live like that. There is an egalitarianism in the ranks, which actually was functional until women became a part of the services. No, Nancy cannot do 10 day forced marches through hell, then fight, then keep on going. No, Suzy cannot lift Billy, even if he lost a limb or two, and run him 200 yards to safety, then go back for others, under fire or not. So, even that is now lost. The military has been watered down, but that is for another time. McCain came from the “old military”. He was classically trained, with a military and social expectation from a more conservative military functioning. Every general we have allowed to create a government in a conquered territory has created a socialism (of varying quality). Japan is now, and probably always will be a socialism (until the Democrats allow not only Taiwan but even Japan to fall under China’s rule, and yes they would allow it to happen, perhaps sending one aircraft carrier task force to go and be swallowed up before peeing their panties and running to the French). Germany, Italy, and the rest, socialisms, created by generals.

McCain is of this station and nature. He should never be allowed to be president. As a fact, his leftism as a Republican will do more harm than the leftism from his opponent. His election, were it to happen, would all but guarantee Hitlary would win in 2012 (to that end, her apparatchik are helping McCain, they do not think he will live to 2012 and it would be a rare thing for a vice president to go on to be president in such a case). I see Juan, from NPR, bashing Obomber. I see other leftists slamming Obomber. And I see these very Clintonistas using race, and harshly, pushing it hard and often. I am amazed at how brazen they are. Of course, they know they are “untouchable” on that account.

No, let the leftists ruin the hopes they have offered. Obomber has promised, so far, 1 trillion dollars to “help the poor around the world”. He has a 1 trillion domestic agenda, to “help our poor”. And, he has a plan to “ensure all Americans”. How much do you think even half of that would cost? How much do you make? If you make $40k (and are single) or $60K as a couple, or more, you are a rich bastard according to Dems and you are going to get SOAKED. You are about to get hurt, hard! America can come back from a leftist assault, so long as the voting apparatus itself is not too damaged in that time (though it is a serious risk, socialisms this hard are often vote once type of things). There will be a price to pay, but it is, in my opinion, better to cede to their idiocy rather than to prove ours by electing this milquetoast leftist called McCain.

Oddly, I am hearing much of the same from the other side of the isle. There are many disaffected democrats. Obomber is NOT the one. Black, green, whatever, they do not like him here. Oddly, though, the difference, politically, between Hitlery and Obomber is nil. I really wonder how many of my “fairer minded” co-nationalists are actual racists, feminists, or both? Quite a few, as I gather it. Still, let them be leftists, let our party leadership get swept out with the trash they have tried to feed us in presenting McDemocrat as our nominee. I will be voting “No”.

Seeking Heaven on Earth?

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Many of us seek to inculcate Heaven, here on terra firma. We work to bring God and his wisdom to ourselves, to our communities, to our Church, and from our Church. We work hard to try to be right, if we often fail to expand that more than in a minor way. Sometimes we win, in a big way. Sometimes we win even when it would seem we have lost. By developing and maintaining freedoms, we allow sin yet also allow for personal and true goodness and other real freely given charities.

There are others who wish to enforce charity through taxation. There are those who wish to restrict freedom in order to mandate goodness, but a goodness minus God. There are those who believe we should not think for ourselves and believe they, and the government they are in or support, should be the arbiters of good and evil. It never works. It never has. It never will. There are many signs. By their fruits shall they be known. As well, there are other signs.

California, one of the worst places in America, barring the inner city regions, is beginning to show what it is, what is supports, and where it is leading the citizens. Here is what they are perpetuating in that state, or a very good sign of it.

I will be away for a bit. My Mother needs some help moving, so I am away, finally. I was supposed to be there yesterday (though today would also be good, according to her). I had pressing things here and I am still moving slowly, so, today it is. I have a few things to do when I get back, some of you know, and I will try to be prompt. Take care, and... watch out. God speaks in many tongues, sometimes in tongues of flame!

Another animal.

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Today, while sitting outside, thinking about life and nothing and whatever, I was approached by an animal. It looked at me from about 10 yards away. I have seen them come that close before, so I thought nothing of it and I went back to thinking or not. It came closer, then closer still. Odd, it is a wild animal. I have never seen one act like this. Finally, it was just a few feet away. I was not sure about this. It finally came up to my feet and looked at me a moment. Then, without rhyme or reason, it hopped off. If it becomes regular, I might have to keep carrots or celery with me. Some animals are fine to share my space with, some are not. Bears need not apply.

For the soldiers, against the war? That is a lie.

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I keep hearing about people who are for the soldiers. They love “their boys” and just want them safe. They want there to be no war and they do not see a need for war, perhaps ever. Yes, there were people who thought we should not get involved in World War I or II. There are people who believe the Civil War was wrong. And, I believe that mistakes lead to some wars, other wars are created by people who will have it no other way. Quite often, wars started by the latter could have been canceled if the world had shown a backbone. In any case, you cannot be for the soldiers but against the war.

In our traditions, our laws, and our Western (used to be shared) understandings, anything that actively or passively causes untimely death must either be religiously or governmentally allowed in order for the action which caused the death not to be murder. Barring that, all actions which cause untimely death are murders. Further, those who commit those acts are murders. There can be no historical or legal doubt. So, if you are against the war and believe it to be wrong, you believe the people who are acting on those orders to be wrong, and as such, you must convict.

If you believe the war is wrong, immoral, and illegal, then you believe our soldiers are murders. You have no place to go with it, except into some world of denial of right and wrong where only what you think matters and what you think is not based on logic, truth, law, history, or facts. You must convict. Do you like that idea? Perhaps yes, perhaps no, I think some of you do. Those of you who do not like that, understand, it is what it is. You have choices, make them wisely, but do not then cry when the choices put you up as hanging judges.

I have no problem with this. I am for these wars. I have no doubt that they are a correct reaction and further actions. I also think they are unfortunate. With the right people in the White House, these issues could and should have been tended quietly and quickly. Though, nothing is sure. Perhaps this would have been the end result, if later, in any case. I believe the people our soldiers are killing deserve the sentence handed down by our government and am happy to see it completed. I will always regret the losses in our military ranks, if I have some great pride to know there are still men who can and will face death (and most usually win, and when allowed to do their job, complete the task).

I have met it.

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The animal that is. He is an ex-con. He will be a problem as long as certain situations continue. The good thing is that once I saw him, I knew the deal and will deal with it. He, on the other hand, knew what I am, almost instinctively? He wants nothing to do with me and my a.o. He really does not. I happened to overhear some of what he said. I think he will avoid me as much as he can. And, that is best. I have only ever known one ex-con I ended up trusting, and liking, for the most part and within certain constraints. He will never be like that one, he does what he does, his prison time was just a cost of his lifestyle, nothing more. I am also pleased with another realization, I am far more animal than this one and we both know that score. He does not know how to kill, not immediately, not unarmed, probably not even very efficiently with arms. I realize, now, some things are never forgotten. I immediately knew three ways to kill when he presented himself, to my initial surprise.

Sometimes I hate that. It is confining to be something, especially something dark. There are memories that elude, but poison my dreams and thoughts. But, at times like this, it is good to be me. I am pleased to not be under a gun. It is nice to be recognized and to have an understanding. I will sleep better. The dream was worse than the reality. Perhaps I can begin carrying on. Oh, yes, I do sleep lightly, no worries there. Goodnight.

Broodings, malaise, and patience.

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I have not been working out. I had to take a week off, I thought because of the heat. It seems that, though the weather may be a factor, I am shot. It may also have something to do with the amount I was doing and how quickly I was adding things to my regimen. The truth, however, is that I have fallen into that black hole. It is as much mind as body, I am crippled. On the up side, I am doing more in my crippled state than I ever have before. I am still able to do some things, and my body is quite capable of physical exertion. My ability to concentrate, to do things I need to do, and to do things I want to do is limited, greatly.

Though I was able to help with that move, in the heat, in the humidity, and for what ended up being 9 hours was proof that I have some much greater endurance and strength, that I could not wake up for the Latin Mass was a terrible disappointment. It is not just that morning, either. That I am not able to awaken in the mornings or sleep at night (or sometimes much at all) so that I had to stay up the night before just to be there to do the work, that I cannot get to my workouts or swimming, that I cannot take care of my business, and that it takes days to simply go see a movie I want to see is a problem. What is weird though is that, in the week of inactivity since I last measured, my arm has gained another half inch in size.

As I remembered it, it seems still to be true. My body is able to build at a, to me, amazing pace. I have stretch marks on my arms from my first push into extreme physical fitness. I was pushing it, and in my late teens and early 20’s I could. But I was not pushing it unreasonably according to myself or others. I just have one of those metabolisms. I am growing even though I am not eating properly. When my nurse visited today, she did indicate she will hook me up, or try to do so, with a dietician at the V.A. With the right foods and proper exercise (it will be coming back, very soon hopefully), I could explode. This is something I need to take care with as well. I do not want more stretch marks.

I am not sure where I go from here though. I am recalculating my workouts. I will maintain the swimming as I have it set (when I get back to it). But I will be going slower with weight training weight increases. I need to begin using the ab-machine, and I will. I will also add the weight vest for my walks, using only 50 pounds at first, then adding 10 pound blocks of weights as that gets better. But, I have to break through this accidental transcendentalism. I know, I said I believed I was through with that. And, really, comparatively, I am. I am not completely out of it as I enter into it this time. It would be more comparable to a shallow rather than a deep dive. Having worked out seems to have helped.

But what makes me dive? Is it the pushing, the heat, the upcoming demands, the requirements of life itself, or is it just something that happens? Is it punishment for my sins? Is it my body taking a break when I do not give it enough rest? Is it my mind taking a time out to consider my situation? Why this thing. It eats me. Even in this shallow dive, I am rather limited. I push and push and get little if that is more than ever before. I want, will, choose, and still so little. I do pray, in a general way. Imagine waking up and not being able to move. Now, I can move, but I cannot do what I have planned. What is this morass of nothingness? The beast awakens in these times.

The beast, I have not spoken of it in some time. It is the creature within, the animal created when I could no longer function. It was created so that I did not consciously need to be aware and my corpse could still function to allow me to live when my situation became... critical. It was created when I had seen too much, been hurt too badly, or was too far past normal capacity to carry on, but my will to live, or God’s will, would not allow me to die. I was able to function in dark times that way, temporarily, until I lost myself in that, becoming unable to relax, become human again, and just live. I feared it, for many years, and for many reasons. With a little (lot) of help, I came to understand this thing, mostly. I even communicate with it, as one might with an animal, like a pet, no… a pet like creature but of equal not lower status (which means, in it’s area, it has dominion and still). Now I no longer get completely lost in my mind when it is brought to the fore by whatever triggers it. I understand it, and it trusts me not to come unglued in the face of dark things. I know, now, it is not evil. It is not cruel, it has no actual malice, it does not steal, cheat, lie, or lust. It is purely animal and only means to keep me breathing. It will only fight if backed in a corner, figuratively or literally. But in war, it will create a pile of corpses, and if still stuck by circumstances, it will eat those corpses to sustain itself, me. It still has not allowed me to access why it was created. I have dark thoughts and memories, but these could not be. But something is there. Lots of somethings, bones rattling all night long even as suppressed memories, more so in the past, but that has never quite gone away.

I have been dreaming lately. I feel as if something is coming, something animal, to this area. I do not know if it is coming for me. In my weakened state, a battle would be difficult. A fight with something like that would be costly. I hope it is not coming for me, not yet. There are other ghastly visions of the future, but this is closer, nearer, sooner. If it must be, then so be it. I can almost smell it. It is someone’s beast which turned inside out and ate it’s owner man. It has a purpose. It is why Nietzsche believed some of what he did and yet it embodies the real noble beast ideal, disproving socialism’s faux claim to being able to develop such a being. It is closing. Probably just something I ate, but, it makes a good story while I am waiting to recover and restart.

Hellboy and destiny.

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I watched Hellboy. I enjoyed the show. It was not as good as the first, but good enough. The shows are as blockish and brutish as the star yet they convey much. I had the show pegged by the quarter mark, give or take. I have seen this story before, in different ways. At least, I have thought these things in my mind. It is all fun and games until the dark underlying theme becomes present. It casts a shadow until it is all fun and games again. The darker truth is true for all of us in a minor way, more so for a few. It is something that has bothered me since before my illness and follows me, even as I heal.

Every once in a while, a destroyer is born. This creature can harm greatly. It can heal or learn to do so, but that is not what it is about. The only true talent is destruction, perhaps more, the only purpose is obliteration. This does not mean it is cruel, though it can be cruel. This does not mean it hates, though it may hate. It does not mean anything most “peaceful” people would have it mean. As a fact, most “people of peace” are the worst of the lot, willing to surrender to evil and despise their saving destroyers. I would say that is worse.

No, crushers were born and simply do what they do. It is not a passion, but a gift or a trait or even perhaps a destiny. It is something done with little more thought than an artist gives a tube of paint or a particular easel, a pastor gives a particularly nondescript Sunday, or a barber gives to a particular head of hair. Some thought, certainly. An initial evaluation before, then during, and sometimes after the task is completed. But these thoughts are almost automatic, they come with the skill sets, and after the initial training they grow and become more creative, individual, and specific. But they are mere whispers of consideration, nuances of interpretation, non-taxing dalliances with what might have been, what is becoming, and what will be.

I am one of those. Perhaps I am no Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, or Vox Day. Yet, even in the condition I am in, granting me license in mortal combat, or even making a mistake, could be fatal. I dream it still, in the background. I smell it, feel it in others, sense the pull, and know when to be prepared for the most part. A proper hunter could approach off the radar, but if not immediately fatal, I have a means for that as well. I have even told those who risked the danger and threatened me that, should they win and “kill me”, they had best behead me. I have been back before. I have lived through what should not be lived through. Humiliation is a known, I can deal with it. Pain, suffering, and loss in all it’s connotations, are common material, having learned these beyond what some may ever understand.

And yet, some of us are called. I was called by my Father. After some not insignificant struggle, I came. After further struggle, and then a… a release, I bowed, then later kneeled, and finally surrendered. I have surrendered and won, it was the only way to lose. I did so gratefully. I am more pleased than any might understand to, once again but this time perfectly, to have a Master. I am growing in strength of body and mind. I am learning both religious and other intellectual material. I am expanding my world of friends, rekindling old friendships, and becoming a more full family member. All, of course, given to His glory and with thanks.

What this comes to, however, is a question. How can one of the Four Horsemen come to know Christ? How can War know love? How can I be what I am and be what I am called to be? Is there a choice, or is that the choice, or is there a need for a choice? Perhaps I am not 6’5”, red, with a hand of stone. Of course I have never fought foreign deities, shot a Smith & Wesson .5000 magnum, or dated lady delight. That is all, hmmm, metaphor though. My guide is St. Michael, I am a form of ruination, and I have warred more than most people, even most soldiers, ever will. I was born at war, I felt that call when young, I almost knew I think.

Anyway, the movie was so-so. Go see it if you are a fan, or bored. I think it was better than batman. There is more here than just good and bad, there is the ugly too, in more ways than one. *riddle me this* Just do not expect a lot and you will not be disappointed. Then again, maybe I am being hard on the movie because I am so chipper?

Not bad.

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I helped move a man whose apartment was flooded. It took him a while to find a place, he had to wait until he could get back into his apartment anyway. Between the two, he could not move until today. He was staying with a someone, thankfully, until this move. And, he will be staying with this new friend until Monday as the central air in his new place is down until then. The woman who allowed him to stay was quite generous. Though she knew him, she did not know him quite that well. It is amazing what people have done for others during this flood.

We ended up having enough people to do the move, though it was a rather large task. Iowa weather, in early August, is exactly what one might suspect. I do not know the temperature or humidity, actually, just that it was high and high. I did well, physically. Though I think I will try and drink more water when doing such things, and I have a Camelbak which should help with that. I was able to work full time, taking short breaks every half hour or so, incorporating the rest in moving boxes from the inner van to the rear hatch or waiting for another to do so. I was pleased with my change in capacity.

Tomorrow I will be going to Latin Mass, but I will be there well before the mass. We are going to have another practice ahead of the Mass. After forty years of not doing this particular type of Mass, it is taking some practice. For those who are not familiar, the Mass (of any type) is actually considered to be an hour long group prayer and celebration (as I have been told). Though there are parts of the process, such as the homily, the readings (from the Old Testament, usually the Psalms or it might be incorporated into song or chant, and the New Testament), the Eucharist, and such, the whole is considered combined as a ritualistic and actual prayer. I am quite excited to be a part of this particular change in the church and some of the people who seem to be interested in this change.

I will be leaving Tuesday to help my Mom move. I am having much more confidence in my ability to help her. She has said she is ready for the move, having most things packed and knowing what is going and where. After the move today, and though she will most likely have more to be moved, having her to guide makes the process more comfortable to me. I will need to try and keep her from lifting! She is a force to be reckoned with, she likes to get things done, and she just does not understand her limits. Though and in truth, she has proven that she has fewer limits than one might suspect. In spite of that, I really do not want her working, after two back fusions, two knee replacements, and foot surgeries, it really seems as if she would be fragile. I wish I had half of her oomph.

I should sleep well tonight, and so should you, if you know what is good for you. Tomorrow I have Mass practice, then Mass, then I will be going over to see my neighbors for a long awaited social call. It is good to catch up on what has happened and maybe make some plans for future events. Though I will be gone this week there are still a few weeks when I return for fishing, hiking, picnics, or other assorted fun summer stuff. It is so good to finally be enjoying life, but more so to finally again be getting in shape to enjoy summers. This has been the first summer in 20 years I have really been able to have a great time. I will not be wasting it. It burns many calories as well!