Why do American's consume more than our share?

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That was a question I was once asked. This by an 'academic'. I did give a solid answer, but I think it is said much better here. But a bit to start you off is good. Babies get baby food. Adults, when fed baby food, get hungry and go feed themselves (speaking of food, and again, I must be, yep!, hungry).

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Back to Basics Part II, Science.

I started this series of posts yesterday. I am fed up with BHO’s American Apology World Tour. I am fed up with finding out crap such as The Story of Stuff is being taught to America’s children. Maybe, if we pass this type of information along we can dispel some of this nonsense. Yesterday I focused on the way in which the United States has used its’ Overwhelming and Awesome Military power in a way that has never been used before in the history of the world, namely that a Nation who could probably defeat and rule the entire planet with its’ raw military whup-ass power has almost uniformly used such power only to free oppressed people and fight the spread of tyranny the world over.

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I hope I am cutting and pasting and referencing this correctly. I am new to that game. Please let me know if I have done a bad.

Aha!

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I figured it out. Beyond a couple of things that did strike me as, well, striking, what lead me to feel the need to rant was a memory. Well, memories to be precise. The last woman with whom I flirted with regarding marriage was a woman who held many contrary to logic (and each other) ideas. When I read "there", I saw her if in her more idealized place in life (a place she never attained). She had once had a husband who could have lead her to that place, but she could not handle that whole family thing, so she deserted a son and husband. I was probably the next closest she came to seeing the dreams of home ownership and some financial security fulfilled. She seemed to have no way of getting there herself and she seemed to destroy what chances she had at such for passion(s). The need for drama, the disbelief in men and economic realities, and such.

We did, of course, disagree on everything from politics to religion to science. And, actually, that is not as bad as some might think. In truth, it matters not a whit between a man and a woman. It does add to passion, and kissing and making up. Only if one wishes to cause a problem is it a problem. Or, that was my take on it. I think her take was similar, if she could not quite admit it.

In any case, once in a while she would simply ask me to explain myself, if I could, regarding some topic she either disagreed with me regarding or something she did not understand. I am sure she was comparing what I said with the likes of Ayres or his kindred, or some feminist or other. She read that crap all the time. So, I would take her up on her offer. I knew where and how it would end, but that was not the point. To get a little correct brain stimulation going is never a bad thing. And, I would add that I am not a professional talker, thinker, or such, but that I would give it a go. Here is one such conversation, give or take.

After a few weeks of particular drama, based on our disagreements, and then a week of relative peace and quiet, my lady friend (then fiancee) came to me on a slow day and started with the small talk. This is not her forte so I knew something was up. Rather than spoil it though, I just let her go. So, she asked me to explain why I believe the way I do regarding work, pay, business, and such. A golden opportunity! I am glad I was not in a foul mood that day, though I usually am not (within certain strictures). So, I agreed.

I discussed some of her beliefs, and asked if I had them correct before starting, so that I would be discussing only what is necessary. I asked if she believed we should (all) get about the same pay. The same for tilers, roofers, secretaries, bosses... everyone. And she pretty much agreed with that (though I could see she was already uncomfortable at the way I had expressed it). I then asked if she believed the government should control this, making sure everyone got so much and no more, eliminating overtime and moonlighting. She thought this might be a good way to go. Even the unemployable, the ill, everybody? Yes she thought.

Okay, that should be enough for the moment I suggested, so I began. I asked her who would pay for this. She said, well the rich. And I said, there will be no more rich people. Oh, well then everyone will share a little bit of what they get or the government will just keep some of what they make before payroll. Ah, I said. How, precisely, will the government make the money? Will they simply print it or will they take over manufacturing? A little of both she thought.

I asked her if she understood what making or producing something of value, with or even often without increasing the reason for the value does to it's worth? She did not understand. So, I said, if your pay does not increase and yet you write checks for more money, what will happen? Ah, well, I will go broke, probably get an overdraft. Correct, now you have it. So I asked her what the difference between her and the government was? I left that there.

I then went on to manufacturing. I asked her if she thought opening a plant and making things people want or need is risky, for rich people. She was not really sure. So I said, how many people around here have enough money to open a manufacturing plant? She thought a bit and said, probably more than a few. I then asked her why she thought they would not do so, then, if it was so easy to make money at it? Perhaps, she thought, it might carry some risk. Some I asked? Well, maybe a lot. So, just for a thinking point, of all the manufacturers and other companies that start up, there is probably a lot of loss, right? So, would they not need to recoup some of their losses in one plant at the gains of another? Yes, she thought, but not with the government as they would not be cost biased.

I asked her if she understood what she just said? Of course she said. I asked her if she understood that the lack of cost or price control was a two edged sword, that it cut both ways? What do you mean, she said? I mean, without cost constraints, how much they receive for their goods is not important to them, so things like quality control usually slip or simply fail (undercutting the need for the plant in the first place often, then requiring a mandate for people to buy the goods (either by offering no choice or by law)), next there is no need to run the plant efficiently, so costs such as energy, labor, and such get all out of whack. The former U.S.S.R., for example, were so out of whack with these things that their products were terrible, their workers lived on pennies, and they truly destroyed their environments. With the government as the owner, as well, there was no one to go after them.

At this point, she said, it all sounds like excuses and worst case scenarios. I do not think you are being fair. It is too logical and misses the point of the poor, underprivileged, and lacks heart. She did not want to talk about it anymore. I simply suggested that having heart is good, but it does not put food on anybodies table if they do not do the hard work that goes with it. That life itself is not fair, nor would I necessarily want it to be (who would want to wake up a rabbit tomorrow?). And that without thinking through things, one should not then pronounce judgment on those who are succeeding. That ended the conversation. That was one of the few that lasted any length of time, and ended without her screaming or denying she said what she said that started the whole thing (like once when she said there is no difference between right and wrong).

Still, with no yelling and screaming, sex was only so-so that night. (Hey, this was before I became an actual practicing Christian. I have been contrite sincerely, confessed my sins, and done what I could to not repeat out-of-wedlock affairs (successfully if painfully I might add), so hush it. Oh, and it is the truth.

Yep, it was through the touching of these memories through that blog that I felt the need to rant. Some women give me the heebee rant jeebees. I was pleased to have connected my dots as quickly as I did. That and not ranting at her, or on her blog. I do not know her well enough, or know if it was just an incidental similarity having no real basis in reality. But either way, it is my thing, I will tend it here.

Now have a great day!

I may read your blog...

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But I will not necessarily leave a comment. My way of thinking, truths, and understanding are, quite often, based on brutal facts. Not all of you blog that way. You write in poetic verses, or in a poetically themed manner, I may stay my hands from typing what I see. You live in luxury and worry about not doing so tomorrow, again, I best stay my hand. If you seem delicate and angry about facts, again, my fingers may flit but I will not press the 'send' button. Well, quite often I will not. I do not need the stress, I have better and more meaningful stresses, I will not teach.

I noted on a recent blog the idea that chain restaurants were doing well while little chef houses were going down. The prices at the specialty houses are said to be equivalent or perhaps less (though I question this too). The problem, for me, is the attitude when attending such places of business. If it is not always as direct as openly flying a pro-Cuba flag or exhibiting an red hammer and sickle, the underlying feel of most of those places is offensive to me and I am not even wealthy or close to it. I would guess, from being introduced to such places exclusively by women (who either were in agreement with such sentiments or who were completely oblivious, or both), that as times tighten, the left viewing aspects of business will decline more quickly than pure business model places and those which support capitalism. It is fine (give or take) to support such places in times of fat (to please the woman), but when things get thin, it is difficult to support businesses which, at least in ideals, undermine the very process of wealth production and business models which are conducive to such. Could I say that 'there'? No, she would not have understood. Something about rules, and economics, and silly stuff she might have said, if honest. Though most likely she would have simply attacked the notion (or myself). So, I did not hit send. She seemed to despise the notion that I hunt, kill animals and stuff, so I learned then and there. (I wonder what she thinks she eats? Live stuff? Even vegetables are killed for her.)

Too, I see many people who talk about the sadness of seeing their luxury businesses go away. I have never known some of the things they are dearly missing. It is very difficult to find any sympathy. I live next to people who think I AM rich. I know no one who ever could afford what some people used to take for granted. I suppose it is an eye opener to me. But not as much as that as it is a reawakening to that. When I see guns that sell for $50,000 or more, boats that go for $30,000 to $100,000, and houses on the market for millions, I know I am so far out of my league I must be seen as a pauper in many places and on many blogs. People must wonder how I can get by on mere crumbs. They spend more on a hunting trip to my home state than I make in a year, or trips to NYC for some necessary shoe wear or a skirt than I did on my SUV.

Begrudge? No. I am all for it. I would love to be able to earn that, if too I would hope I might be a little less normalized about it. I certainly would enjoy it, but never would I buy a $50,000 dollar gun. If I somehow was gifted such an item, I would never shoot it (unless my boss gave it and required me to take it on some (farm?) hunt or something. I am about utility. What is the best gun to do what I want it to do at the best price, same goes for automobiles and homes. Do I need an (Al Gore) mansion? Really? But what does gall me is when people take that for granted and wonder why most people have a disconnect with them. I suppose, being poor to middling, and having a computer and the time, I see more than most in my "class". Still, it does make me wonder.

Though too, there is the female factor. While men can and do bicker, nitpick each other, and debate, women do not prefer such things as men do them. They are more... nuanced is how I think a recent politician put it. He ought to have been a woman, as far as his nuance goes. Some women get beyond it, a child or three or more will do that. Even a good husband can help. Some prefer to play with barbies as grown ups, fantasy and feelings trumps reality. Even when Ken goes away, the economy begins to rot from fantasy, and the little frillies become too expensive, surprise!, and old age begin to creep in. So, there is that too. Some men are as such, though. More today than ever as well. The creeping emasculation and assertion that men are not needed (and the application of such notions) have tended to create a quietly rageful "liberated" man with no hope or direction, where even Christianity is being feminized and tossed away with men, the family, and tradition (for now).

Okay, well that serves as a rant. Now I can go back to reading without being a bull in a china shop (if too that saying has been debunked, bulls are actually quite careful and would rather not even touch or otherwise damage the shelving or china or such). I just have to say things sometimes. And some people are just too fragile to read my thoughts. They are not china, they are lost. I am, however, a bull. Ha!

Rant out.

Good day!

It is completed.

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My first reading of the bible as an adult has been completed. It took over a month, I am guessing, perhaps a month and a half. I spent quite a few hours reading each day, from 2 to 6 hours depending on what else was happening, almost that whole period. As I have said, however, I am a slow reader. I am not sure when I will read the Old Testament again, though I will again. But I am going to re-read the New Testament as my next task.

It is eye opening, what is written therein. Many beliefs from various Christian groups is both proven and rebuked, sometimes both. Though I have never been an apologist, I have heard many of the arguments presented by each and I have supported them from several sides. The bible has dashed several of my beliefs, beliefs of old usually, and for the most part upheld most of the beliefs I currently hold. There are some beliefs which simply are not that explicitly stated and do not lend themselves to being born out by a simple reading and though some things seem to preclude my current beliefs, I would like to study those a bit more closely in time. Next comes study.

My study will focus purely upon the New Testament, after I read it again. That, however, is not as simple as it sounds. Much of what is written in the New Testament either comes from the Old Testament or directly uses passages from it to explain what is happening during Christ's life. As well, some of the old prophecy might well be yet to come. So of course, I will be study much more than what simply seems stated.

I have expressed why I believe someone who is not graced with faith could both misread and fail to understand. Some of that is on purpose, some of it would come from not having heart while reading, and some of it would come from avoidance of the issues. It is far easier to live with shallow roots than to dig deeply. It is difficult to bear with 2000 year old, and older, texts and ideas than it is to bear through them to whatever truths they may eventually hold. Sort of the way, as children, we thought our parents were so out of the loop and often ignored them for simply not understanding. Little did we know, and hopefully little did our parents care. :)

The bible is powerful. It is a direct means of studying what God said to men, us; how God interacts with us; and how God does things. There are three ways the bible is constructed. It is constructed of history, of parables or other wisdom type works, and of prophecy. I enjoyed parts of them all, and found some of each to be difficult to read. I noticed repetition. Sometimes it was limited and occasional, sometimes for pages on end I had to check the page numbers because I thought I had just read what I was currently reading... mostly because I had just read it. Arghhh! Though too, I think there is something in that if I do not know yet what that is.

I am sort of in a quiet mood, having read the O.T. I would guess I read it so quickly that I am a bit overwhelmed. Most people, even if they have the time, do not read something this dense quite so solidly and finish so quickly. It is like eating a 4 pound ribeye over the course of an afternoon. It is almost too much to take in. Well, I take that back. It IS too much to take in. Then again, I am not sure reading it fast or slow will change that. A slow pace will simply not allow one to take in the breadth or the depth nearly so certainly. If you read it quickly, and believe, as I do, the enormity is astounding. In a few words, the bible means everything.

A few pot pies, a little tinkering, a shower and shave, then off to try and find a place which will inspect my vehicle before going on to the range for class and shooting.

Have a great day.

Slept all day.

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I could not get to sleep until 5:00. And I slept until 17:00. Even then I was running slow. I finally got sorted out by 18:30 and then checked with my neighbor. He is getting things done, he is packing well. He had not finished his laundry yet. But he did have good news. His car was probably going to be towed since he is moving. It had not been driven in a year, since his DUI so it probably would not have started (turns out it did not start when tried). It was not very new, it had problems even back when. It was a concern for him. In speaking with his sister, she gave him the name of the best people to call (to come buy and tow it). He got a nice little sum for it, considering. And four times as much as I thought he would have gotten. One less thing to worry about.

Monday will be a busy day. I have things to do, but on my circuit I can drive him around to places so that he can look at what is available and talk to the owners. He will have to explain his problem here, and hopefully find some place willing to give him a chance. I am a little worried about that. But there is not much to do other than to start knocking on doors. It would be better to find him a little house, but that is beyond his means I think. I saw nothing like that available either, in the paper anyway. His sisters have not been helping, and he will not ask them, but that is as it is. If he simply cannot find a place, I am really hoping one of them will take him in short term. No rent, if possible, though something in on food if they feed him and utility increases would be fair. If he could save up some money and be allowed more time to look, he might actually luck into a house for rent with no close neighbors and at a cost he can afford. It is easy on this side of that fence, to think wish and hope though.

He seems to be doing better. He has gotten over that initial shock, he is loading up, and he is cleaning as he goes. Keeping busy helps with the stress. I think realizing there are people willing and able to help is good for his mind too. It often feels like we are alone against a very merciless world.

I did get about half of my laundry completed, while he did about the same. So there is that. I got enough quarters to do laundry here at the apartments when or if I simply am too tired to get out. I will be looking for a place which does auto inspections tomorrow, so that Monday I can finally get my tags. Those are vital, as time is ticking. I have everything for my driver's license as well. And though that is not time sensitive, it has some good reasons for being done which are more broad in scope. Wait!

Tomorrow I have the shoot for the hunter's safety course. I will have to look up the time for that. Uh oh, that is from 9:00 to 15:00. I might try to rise early (or stay up all night if I do not think I can), and try and get the inspection around 8:00 or so. Nothing is open after noon for that, or nothing I would count on at this point. Or I may have to wait until Monday for that too, if I can find no place that can do a quick inspection. I am not sure how long an inspection takes though probably not long, the time factor probably has more to do with how many other customers, for whatever reason, are in the line ahead.

Time to tinker some more. I have read through many blogs, and have been adding some as I go. There are quite a few good blogs out there. I like the daily (or at least nearly) blogs best. And though I like the political ones, I also like several other types, and may begin adding some of those. I could read the bible too. I am nearly finished with the Old Testament. I will, likely, read the New Testament again, in light of having read the O.T., and see if that shakes some things loose and rattles my cage a bit in that regard. As I read the N.T. again, I need to begin finding a source for studies. I have the books in mind, but not a local source. Then again, there is the interweb.

Later, good night, who knows...

Bedtime.

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Thanks for all the support, advice, and encouragement. But I have to tell you, helping him is helping me! It really is. I had to tend his worries a bit yesterday. And then I had to mobilize by getting up early and getting my thinking cap on. I worried about more than just his health, and he is still in a bit of panic though less in danger of doing something, a number things perhaps, unwise. That or simply worrying himself sick. Now that he has seen some successes, not been thrown down by his probation officer, and had a decent lunch, I think he is calming a bit. I wish I could help him pack, but that is less than just not my forte. I would probably provide cover for him not to do what of it he can, so be a stumbling block.

I suggested we take his clothes to the wash. If one or more of his sisters comes over to help him pack, that would be a good time for us to leave. I think he trusts me on this. Both of us are clots about such things and would only serve to aggravate already unhappy women. For several reasons are they unhappy, but I think they love it too in some weird way... maybe it means they are or have value, special value. But they still are not happy, ha! So, as soon as she or they hit the scene, it is time to go go go. Ah, now I can get some of my laundry done too. I have been a little preoccupied with this to do my own things. It will work out. As well, if we were there we would show ourselves to be poor workers (makes women more unhappy). But if we are working, getting his laundry done, than they do not mind doing the work menfolk cannot do as much. Pleasing a lady with whom I am dealing is a good way to ensure health, happiness, and prosperity, even if she is not my lady as such. Just a trick I learned.

After I offered that plan, he looked at me for a bit. Then thought a bit. Then looked back and said, "You sure have women figured out, don't you?". For him, to me, it sounded rhetorical not doubtful. And I had to say, no. Just on some things. Make it smooth, make it as level fair in work as you can (which it never is on domestics, but that is not the whole point), and say "Yes ma'am." a lot. Nodding in agreement is good too. And do not be stingy, if you use some prudence, in divvying up any money. Most women are not thieves or cheats, and will satisfy themselves with bits of remnants. Really. Other than that, I am as clueless as any man, mostly, I told him. I could not tell him all, or what I learned in my walk on the wild side though. Ha! Then again, I think some of that is sort of known and this is a small place, so he has probably heard some things. As I said, my reputation(s) preceded me and my internet is not exactly private (I still believe that).

Well, look kids, I am tired. You would not mind if I looked for silver linings on my eyelids would you? Good night.

A long day but it is all good.

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I did not fall asleep until 8:00. But I had told my neighbor to ring and wake me as soon as he was ready. I told him I would try to be awake by 10:00, but warned him that this might not happen. I said he should ring my doorbell until I arrived, but I would need an half hour to get ready if he did indeed wake me. Indeed he did. It took more like an hour to get ready. But when I was ready, I was really ready.

First we searched for boxes. He thought most places kept their boxes outside. So, we went looking outside. First the liquor store. What an ironic place to go for boxes from a man who is being driven around looking for... You get it. Anyway, there was nothing there. We checked outside of all the places he used to find them. All squished, bundled, and stacked to boot, not a whole box to be found. I suggested we look in the second Wal-Mart. When I moved, though I used store boxes, I had checked box prices too just in case and had thought they were rather inexpensive. Nope, $2 dollars a box at Wal-Mart, too much considering how many he wanted, and they did not have enough in any case. Between him and I suggesting to the other that maybe we out to go into a facility and actually ask, we finally decided on the liquor store again and first (stronger bottomed boxes, due to their use, we both figured). Bingo, so he has boxes.

He asked if I had eaten, and I said no. So I asked him the same question and he had not eaten either. I suggested we stop and get some food before our next move. He was a bit worried about time and money. I suggested that it would be my treat. He did not wish to go, but between my being hungry and pushing a bit, his own hunger, and worry, he finally just went along with it. We went to Ruby Tuesdays.

I have been to Ruby Tuesdays in Iowa and on the East Coast in several states. I did not know it was a national chain, cool. I was used to it being a cut above Mcdonald restaurants, and some other places, but not as a fine dining establishment. This one was more along the lines of the latter, if the prices are more fair. We did have a male server. All of them were male. And though that is not my favorite, this one was cool. No kneeling or any silly stuff. And, I did not get that 'weird' feeling around many of them. So, that was good enough. The food was good, very good. We each had a steak, salad bar, and I ordered some cheddar fries as a side. I could not get through the fries, my eyes had been bigger than my stomach. I figured a little food, a treat, and he might feel better. I was simply hungry. I still have not come close to spending my $200 or $260 allowance for the month, even after that, not even close, so it was not a big thing. He lets me shoot a lot of bullets while refusing money for that and helps pay for gas, I did not see it as charity.

Then we drove to his probation officer's office for a meeting. He had not told her about the pending charges as he thought they were going to be dropped and so she need not know. I had asked if he was sure, and suggested he tell her, but no. First thing she mentioned was, I cannot remember how she said it exactly, maybe something like, I read about you. Still, he was not in too much trouble for that, she just reminded him to call her if anything like this occurs again. She seems to have taken an interest in him, and a goodhearted one. Not a mother or sister, but that of an sincerely concerned state employee (refreshing, really). He discussed these matters and she made some calls, including the one to try and extend his stay. Which worked, he may stay until the 30th.

We got home some time ago, got the boxes up, talked a bit, then I wanted to check out email and the blogs. My internet was down though the modem worked. Somehow, my WPA (?) key was changed. My computer, when I left, was off. My modem was unplugged. I am not sure how that happened. I called a tech and in troubleshooting, we figured this out. This does not sound good. If I am guessing correctly, that can only be done through the physical use of the computer. Someone, if that is true, is getting into my apartment. Not that the lock is any real deterrent. But with my guns here, I really do not like that. Then again, maybe someone can do that in other ways? *grumbles* (It was not the key on the setup web address, it was the key on my machine which had changed.)

Well, he is out having a smoke, so I am going to see if he called his sister(s).

Later.

Troubling.

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My neighbor, the one I speak with several times a day, go target practicing with, and generally have become acquainted has gotten into some troubles. Last year, he was charged with and found guilty of drinking and driving, which adds to his current troubles if it is not directly involved. He felt harassed by the noise coming from his neighbors and had raised a fit about it. Nothing was done and, over time, he became angry. His windshield has been cracked and grease was applied to his door handle. He claimed it was the noisome neighbors, and he did file a complaint if the complaint was simply dismissed. He overheard part of the conversation, between the police and neighbors, though his hearing is not the best and I suspect he may have misheard. In the end, however, he did physically grab and harass one of them and threw eggs at the windshield of another of the group's windshield. Police reports were filed and things started to go downhill from there.

And, yes, I strongly urged him to take no active action, to touch none of them, and to do nothing of that sort. No, he was not drinking when he did these things. I even spoke to those neighbors. I let them know both that I was not in support of any such actions (I did not want to be seen as a protector, instigator, or such) and that I was not involved with this. Since we are seen together, and because of my size, I did not want to be seen as a threat. And, honestly, I am glad the young man did not haul off and deck my neighbor. He might have been hurt, if he does not realize that so much.

So, now he has a court date for simple assault and something akin to petty mischief or vandalism. Which was troubling enough, but the hen has come to roost more fully and dreadfully at this point. The young man involved indicated that he was going to drop the charges, though that either was not done or it was not accepted. For whatever reason, the police informed the apartment manager about the incidences and so my neighbor has been given a 3 day notice, as of today, to vacate the premises. If he does not, a triple charge for utilities and rent may be charged, as well as legal fees and other costs would be his to pay as well.

Fine, for most, and legal to be sure. However, he has been living here for 8 years, lives on a very small amount of disability, is disabled physically because of a necessary amputation of half of his right foot due to a severe iron deficiency and frequent blood loss. Though those are somewhat treatable, the affects of the medicine are so severe that he cannot take them regularly. He has lost significant weight and muscle mass due to his straights. So, a three day vacation notice to a man without a drivers license, the means to simply pay for another place, without any surety of finding housing, who is both partially crippled and infirm is both cruel and unjust, but it is legal.

When he knocked on my door and gave me the news, we began to discuss things. I suggested, immediately, that he speak with the apartment manager and beg more time given his condition. He knows of places which might be more suitable to his finances and needs but they were closed by then, I think he had tried to call. I let him know I would help him locate boxes, drive him around if he needed to meet with people, and help him move out other than packing. I asked if his sister could help with that, and he thinks that is possible. He is rather doubtful about his sister, however, offering him a place to stay.

I know, he did wrong. I know, it is all legal and technically proper. But that does not make it right. I have no power and no real means of assisting, other than what I am offering. It is frustrating to be sure. If it works out, it will work out really well. For him to be in a quieter place would be a good thing. To be closer into town, where he can ride his bicycle without so much of a hill to climb, too, would be good. But if no housing is available, if the time limit is not extended, or if a number of other things go wrong, the outcome could be quite harsh. At his age and in his condition, the stress could actually kill him I think.

What to do? Pray, I suppose. So, if you have a thought to such things, there is one out there who could use prayer. He lives right next door, for now.

Better.

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In every way. Whatever has been wrong, and for weeks now really, it has broken. If this is momentary, I will take it and run with it as I may.

I realize clearly, at this point, how paranoid I have been. It is a sickness, sometimes with causes, sometimes without. Mine has causes, though those are all long gone for the most part. I actually have great empathy for people who become paranoid for no reason, or whose paranoia ruins their lives. One blogger, in particular, of late, has fallen to this dread disease. And, yes, I have prayed for him. If I write my paranoia out here, in very careful and small part (to my way of thinking, which itself is sometimes skewed, mind you), I do not address this to those I accuse nor really hold it against them in actuality (some part of my mind acts as an apologist for my fever inspired detractors). I suppose I simply know, too, even if it true, God is my witness in the end. That and I have doubts about my own assessments.

I also realize, from living such a hard life in illness, that some of my absolutism is an extension of that paranoia. Yes, thank you, I have been thinking about this. I am working at softening this. Prayer does not hurt. But the will to becoming soft of heart, without also becoming soft of mind, is a choice. A choice more difficult for some, like me, and easier for others, like you? I doubt if it will be as simple as that, either. Like living in faith, it is a daily struggle. Sometimes without giving a difficulty for days, weeks, maybe years if I am lucky, but the choice will return again and again.

I finished Daniel this evening. I thoroughly enjoyed the reading. I have to admit something, here, though. No, no, I do believe what is written, I just do not always believe all that is written is all that happened. The first dream, the one he had to figure out and first know since the king would not say, there may have been a trick to it. Who served the king but servants? Who were servants but slaves. And who were slaves, why, the Jews. Even if the king would not let the wise men know of his dream, he most likely let those he trusted closely know of it. Servants were ignored, and came and went as their duties demanded. They could easily have heard of this and passed it along. God does not always work as miraculously as some might suspect, though too He has done so. His ways are many. As with wisdom, works have their own way of just getting done. The details need not be included.

As well, thinking back on all the times God has told his people, go here, do this, and you will live holy and well forever in my kingdom, and they did so only to eventually be castigated in time. I had to think through that a bit. Then I realized two things. First, the requirement of the ordinances, statutes, and such had to be kept. Though this sort of fails because none of the people in all of the times were all perfect or even close to it. So, it might seem as if God was setting them up for a fall. Which, in truth, God might do to set up things in the future. Perhaps men simply are not ready for that next step until they pass through fire. Just as when we die, we will be subjected to the flames of the Holy Spirit before we can enter heaven, though hell and purgatory are quite open. Thus my theory that, when all is said and done, all will be heaven, the rest will be contained by the Holy Spirit so as not to be destroyed by the presence of God. The other notion I have arrived at is this. If God did promise that the people of Israel go do this and that and then they would live in glory in His kingdom for ever and ever, He was merely talking about that generation and those of their children who followed His laws.

I too, can see why it would be simple to merely say that these writings are foolhardy. Without faith, it would be a simple thing to cast the writings down. God seems to be amenable to suggestion, from Abraham (or was it Lott) who asked that if 50, then 40, then 20, then only 10 good men be found in Sodom, that it be spared? Moses surely asked God to spare his people many times as well, in spite of God's rage. There are countless ways one could attack the bible, the Old and New Testaments. And yet, even kings and those in power today are careful about doing so in spite of having little real faith and showing no real concern. It brings to mind the fact that most animals will avoid humans, actually more so if they have never been exposed to us. So it is with men of a beastly nature, I think. Despite, often, their minions.

I am almost feeling sprightly this morning. After reading Daniel, I tried to sleep but could only rest. I did so for only a short time before I decided to stir. I then thought this morning would be a good time to do laundry. It is a weekday, and early, so I should have few others there. I like having the place to myself. I do indeed need the laundry done. I would do it here at the apartments save that there is no coin machine. I really ought to pick up a couple of rolls of quarters from my bank, though, to have on hand. I might do laundry a little more often with that convenience.

I do feel good, and more, ready to action. I do not know what happened other than that I am not as I was yesterday. Breakfast first though. Drats, I may hold off on breakfast. I would like at least 8 hours of fasting before checking my glucose levels. Bah! That will not work either. I have already had a bit of juice with soda water. That little bit can throw the thing way off.

Good day.

The best 4 hours of sleep I have had in a while.

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Who knew so little could do so much. Though too, my fever had abated today, making my tasks easier. Weak as a babe, really, I went and got a few things done. My strength is not an issue. I can still, and easily, move a couple hundred pounds without more than a little thought as to how best to manage the weight mechanically. The problem is endurance. The illness caused by medicine and then going off of medicine has drained me. It is vexing, but too it is a temporary thing. I am sure I will eventually be finished with that.

But the little I did do today was enough that I slept like a baby for about 4 hours! It was such a nice gift. As I have not been able to control my sleep, I have not slept well either. There is nothing like a good sleep. And more, in an hour or two, I am pretty sure I will be able to sleep again. I will not worry about rising really early, though it would be good to get going around 13:00. I need to find a place which will inspect my vehicle, a requirement for tags here. I am quite surprised they need that on a brand new vehicle though. Still, bureaucracy only does what it is told, it does not know how to discern. And, that is the way of it. With that in hand, a phone number, and the address in case they need it, I might be able to get my tags tomorrow. I will definitely be able to get my driver's license tomorrow though. And, whatever else I am able to complete, on my part, I will be able to do some target practice. It will still be a push, but I am more than ready to force myself on, if that is what is needed. The cave has become rather small.

While I am out I may see if I can find clays and purchase a couple boxes (or more). There is a man who lives here, other than my neighbor, who would like to do that. He is partially deaf and mute so it can be a struggle to understand him, but he seems like a decent younger man. He has wild hair and a beard, so I had at first thought he might be a hippie! Nope, he is simply a bit of a wild man hunter type. I think he is in grad school, though I cannot be sure. I think he might be decent company. Not only to shoot clays, but perhaps to take hikes with and camp with, in scouting elk and deer (and other game, he is grouse hunting currently for example).

It is very good to have the soda siphons back in action. I almost hate water now, though I still try to drink it. Having an occasional option is fantastic. Straight juice is too much, I had already been cutting it with water. Now I can cut it much more, down to a mere flavoring, and it really is delicious and dietetically lacking in guilt. I have not been checking my diabetes lately, I have been too out of myself to know when to do it rightly, and with my sleep being weird, I am never asleep long enough so that I have a sufficient fasting period with which to work. If I sleep well tonight, I will give it a shot tomorrow. I did think to splurge a bit today, and bought a soda, a regular one. I simply cannot drink the stuff now. It tasted like sweet motor oil. Still, it made a great target for my neighbors handguns, still being mostly full and fizzy!

I know most bloggers are topic bloggers. They like to write about one thing, and keep their topics (generally) separated like I used to keep my food separated on my plate. Green beans here, chicken there, mashed potatoes right 'chere with the gravy and butter in the middle and not to leak! I simply do not blog that way, or eat that way anymore. There is a chance I will eat that way, for old times sake or something, but most often, I mix and match. So it is with my posts. My ideas run with my life and what else is happening within that. I could go topical but it simply does not sound fun. Plus, this keeps all but those who have some interest away. I get few of the whacks here. They cannot really find something to push or pull, when I have already covered their chief arguments and put them to shame, at least in my view and probably in theirs if they were honest. I simply have those who are, for the most part, friendly for their own reasons visit.

I keep seeing Google ask if I want to monetize my blog. Now I get why people try to raise their blogs performance. I wonder how much that really pays? It could not be all that much, especially with the downfall of commercialism and advertising more specifically. Still, I suppose, for most a dollar is a dollar. Now, if I could say who could advertise here, I still would not do it. Ha! If they want to send me a free product to try, in the areas of my interest (say, an automatic shotgun I have my eye on, or a hunting rifle or three, or a pistol or two), I would write an honest assessment, if they want a top assessment, the gun would have to become mine (if I liked it). *laughs*

Well, time to read and then turn in. The fever is back, if much more tempered. My chest feels a bit better, I only have minor aches, and the other complaints are gone. I am hoping for a good reading period and then a nice soft landing.

Parachutes away, folks. Or, I hope the roll out was good for you. Blessings and good will and... coffee! for you just waking up.

Wow.

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I did not get it all done, or finished. But I did get a decent start on those things. I found my social security card and extra checks. I did speak, again, with the people regarding plates and believe I can get that done easily and quickly, and I had my rifle adjusted and then went to the range. The rifle is pretty much right on the money. But I am flat out exhausted. I could barely climb the steps to my apartment. I am not doing well. And, no, the medicine was not in the mail.

I need a nap, then back to reading. Tomorrow I will get my driver's license, do laundry, and probably do a bit more target practice if I do well with the other things. This Saturday is the shoot. The good thing is, in my actual test runs with the rifle, on the targets I will be using, standing and free shooting, I hit between 7 and 8 shots in the area I will need to shoot at the same distance. The sitting and prone positions should be much easier. Tomorrow, if I do well shooting again, I might try those positions too just to see. It is nice to have the rifle on target.

There were a few things, to be honest, in Jeremiah and the Isaiah though, or maybe just one of them, which bolsters my belief that the "once saved forever saved" idea to which some Christian cling is false. I have seen it in earlier writings too. Just as the prophets were breaking the news that one is culpable for his own sins, that it was not a community thing, that they started telling them that they could not depend on mostly good. A wicked man who repents and pays for his deeds is saved while a man who has lead a virtuous life but then changes his path will die.

I think this is one of the major bastardizations of Christian and Jewish ethic which has become so foully incorporated into modern government movements. Actually, as I have said before, communism and socialism are ancient ideas, it used to be called the (what we now call anyway) the mafia. The idea that we are communally responsible, guilty, or innocent. This, though through a minor twist, is introduced into government as social welfare. We are all guilty if we do not force all to pay for those who have become ill, made very poor choices, or for whatever reason cannot sustain themselves. This was never meant to be a communal guilt thing, and communal guilt itself is not only dated, it has been done away with. Charity is not to be forced. It is a most grievous and flawed idea, which is probably based on poor Christian or Jewish education, or to put it more bluntly, ignorant and decidedly ignorant Christians and Jews.

Then again, churches and synagogues, from what I have heard and experienced, do no teach all that well. The real education is left to the devoted participant. Even that is not explicitly explained. One hour of church, or three, will not offer much in the way of instruction. A 1/24 portion of one day of seven, where song, prayers, and other such fill most of the time, often with only 15 minutes for the priest or minister to offer a sermon, is not enough. Still, I do not blame the churches, except that they fall into the trap (quite often) of simply going with the flow or that they offer little in other learning experiences. (Which way does a living trout swim? Only dead trout face downstream, they go with the flow. It is natural, if harder for people to buck the system. Uhrm, do not go with the flow!)

The other notion that communists and socialists in our midst seem to misunderstand is that the poor do not have any claim on anyone's wealth. There are certain things allowed, but even those are not guaranteed. So, when someone claims a right to health care, they are lying. People were allowed to sell themselves into slavery (and their children). God is not on their side. Then again, this has become, for the most part, a Godless country. Most of that is due, I think, to urbanization, the gross mutilation of our separation of church and state clause, the forcing of public education, and a few other things. Then again, the Jewish nation(s), without any of this, had their own problems with adherence. I would like to have said, at least we are not burning our children for gold idols, but the truth is, with just a little adjustment in the phraseology, we are. Instead of burning them for gold idols, we are burning them for gold. A woman's prospects, as an unwed mother, decline dramatically. And prostitutes cannot do their thing with a child to tend.

I was thinking just the other day, too, regarding abortion. If it were not for the fear blacks would increase exponentially, I believe abortion would have been ended before it ever started. I do honestly believe that. As many times as I have been called racist, I have never had one of those who did so who supports abortion be able to answer that. Usually, it ends the debate. And, as I am leaving, I say under my breath but certainly audibly, "Racist". Every idea the left puts forth either kills Africans in Africa somehow, or pushes for their genocide here. All I ask is that quality, not race, be the determining (and only) factor in school admissions, job opportunities, and all else. And, I wish that the right to associate (which, by it's nature, extends to the right to disassociate) be held in just as much esteem as the others. Not one of my proposals leads to the murder or genocide of anyone. That is how mixed up things have gotten. If you have been to a campus recently and spoken to almost anyone, you know what I mean.

Rambling, again. And very tired. I think I will go have a pillow fight I cannot win. I know, not much, but it was a lot for the shape I am in. Little successes, little bits, a piece at a time. If that is too much, Smaller little successes, more petite little bits, and fragments of pieces at a time. Keep the home fires lit but keep the front door busy, back door too if you can garden. :p

Have a good night!

It is better.

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I had hoped to be rolling out a few hours ago, but having awaken around 14:00, I can do little better. I will not complain as this is as early as I have been able to stir, and more, to be ready to go. I just need a shower and I am off.

My lungs and chest hurt this morning, as if I had been hit in the chest by a medicine ball or something. I can breath deeply. It does not hurt the lungs but it does hurt the chest itself. I am not sure what is going on medically. My fever seems to be with me at all times, again. My joints, chest, and upper body muscles are sore as well. Headaches come and go. The diarrhea is gone, thankfully. And though hunger lurks, smaller amounts of food eaten a bit more frequently helps. I am not up to cooking, so fruits are the thing. I know I am a bit dehydrated, but I cannot seem to drink enough water. Everything else, but milk and water, adds to my thirst without giving me more capacity to drink, so I think I will cut with the other stuff for a bit.

I cannot believe I have come this close to finishing the Old Testament. For the most part, it has been a good read. I read Vox's take on religion, and I think we are of slightly different minds. Though I am not sure about the whole young earth thing, and can agree that I simply do not know, I do believe in more dogma. Was Mary a virgin? Both Old and New Testaments indicate that she was. Though I do not believe "full of grace", as the literal translation was "filled with grace", she did not simply and naturally have grace, God gave this too her. And there are probably many other differences. However, and in general, I enjoyed his answers as I suspected I would.

What Vox does is state clearly and definitively to people who actually, in spite of their "academic" or "intellectual" claims, know very little about that which they speak. They just take what they are given, or all that they can understand of it, and go with it as if it was the truth. For one thing, that is not what science is about. But, when they are faced with having to do some fact checking of their own, they simply fail, every time every where.

I do not bother debating such things. I, simply put, am not an apologist. I do not have an interest in being one. I do not worry if little Johny is going to heaven or hell. My guess is that he has been told, warned, and taught and has chosen his own path. Bully for him too. If he asks something so as to learn, or in doubt, I might send him in the direction to that learning that I know. For me, no amount of arguing, debating, or talking would ever have imbued me with the strength needed to lift my cheeks off the fence. Simply put, I was called.

I do not mind that some people choose the apologist way. More, I think more of this is needed. Those whose faith is science simply need to be chastised into telling the truth because they will not do so otherwise. They have a high brow and a belief in their atheist indoctrination which is as galling as it is false. And quite often, they are little people who scarcely understand the nature of their teachings comes from the Catholic Church, and Catholic scientists, men of faith. Little of their beloved hobby would exist today without the Church, period.

On the other hand, I love science and math. It is a kick. For me though, unless it is quite literally quite practical, it is a fool's game. We simply do not know enough to say we know much. That improves in time, but it is a Tower of Babel, not a gate to heaven. It is challenging, more so than video games but only slightly more. Show me an expert theorist and I will show you someone who hates to actually do problems. I still remember working with a man with a doctorate in differential equations who feared, and I do mean feared, doing problems. As well, he was incorrect as often as I was. He knew what he was doing, but actually doing it was another thing altogether. Sure, my errors were just as often in theory as in simple math while his were mostly in the simple math (or missing a step, some calculus and diffy q. problems are long and complicated, taking pages to put out fully).

I ramble again. Time for a shower and to get on my way.

Have a great day!

Another harsh night.

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And it is not over. I have been resting, off and on, since 1:00 or 2:00 though. But fever and burning lungs, tired eyes and restless legs, aches, and a headache keep me from my dreamy haunts. Yes, I said burning lungs. If feels as if they have a fever all their own. I had nausea, a knotted stomach, and great hunger last night. I decided to eat, and well. Perhaps that was not the best plan, what I ate did not help. I had Italian sausage (spicy, rather warm really), eggs (covered with a jalapeno sauce), and rolls, oh, and goat milk, the last of it. My hunger was tended but my knotted stomach and nausea turned to... You probably guessed? diarrhea. What a miserable group of foods to eat for that! Though to be honest, it was no worse than any other food I could have eaten. I must truly have a hefty g.i. tract. Seriously.

I am hoping I can rest enough that I can get out today. I have kept my list short. First, I want to go to storage and find my social security card and then take that and the rest of the items to the DMV and receive my driver's license. Then I need to take the address to the other DMV office and have them apply for a copy of my title, so I can get tags on the SUV. And, finally, I plan on getting the .22 into the shop for one more (hopefully) adjustment and then take it out for target practice. If I can do these things, I will be in much better shape. Tomorrow, perhaps, laundry. I am down to the last few pairs of underwear and that is never a happy thing.

I did not check the mail, I will do that when I leaved to go to the storage unit. I have some doubts if the medicine will be there, though. I have come to find the Ogden VA very unreliable. There are only half a dozen workers there, so if one of them decides they do not like you, I think you are s.o.l. And, at least one though I think possibly two, really do not like me. From little things mentioned, I do believe it is because of Iowa, that last doctor. I ought to see if there is someone else I can see. Trust is key between a doctor (or whatever) and a patient. And I have no trust. Grumble grumble, I know, but I feel abandoned and betrayed, paranoia be damned, the truth is the truth.

Well, after I suck some water, soda water, and maybe a little juice down, perhaps I can sleep (or more likely rest) again. I have some confidence that I will be able to fulfill my list today. It is not that I am feeling better, it is merely that I have been building up to pushing on into what needs done despite my infirmities.

As for reading, I am to Daniel. The last three books were very dry. How many times does one need to prophesy the destruction of Jerusalem? How many times do they need to go over all the nations which are to fall? Seriously, I think each book repeated those, especially about Jerusalem a dozen times or more and lamented over and over. Only a few passages in each discussed much regarding Christianity. The size of the temple, probably, has little to do with physical size, layout, or anything. Much like Cherubim and such, they are literary clues rather than (necessarily) stated fact. As well, since the poetry is translated, all rhyme and timber or whatever, is lost. I know they did their best. But... dry.

Have a great day!

Now that I am awake...

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I can better asses my condition. It seems as if I still have a low grade fever and that the body pains are back. I am going through withdrawals, which seem to be every bit as bad as when I started the medicine. There is no telling how long this will last, but gettingg on them took 2 to 3 weeks before I was over this. I have not checked to see if the medicine arrived yet. With nausea and headaches, fever and chills, and generally exacerbated exhaustion, I am not sure when that will get done. Later tonight to be sure. Back on heavy Tylenol use too, but the big bottle is nearly empty. I only have enough for a few days maximum and perhaps far less. My head hurts a bit too much to try something practical like counting. It was not this bad when I first woke up, or I simply was not awake enough to notice... that happens. I could almost be on fire and not notice when I first wake up.

I will figure it out, get back on the medicine when it comes, and continue to struggle through this junk and the effects. I will try to read, since it is usually a distraction from the pains, fever, and chills to a degree. With the eye giving me problems, I feel like I am falling apart. Oh well. It happens. It is just that right now is not the most convenient time for it to occur. If I can get some things done in the next day or two, I really hope to get out hiking. The weather is nice and cool, the high today (from what I heard) was 70 F. Very nice! It is supposed to get down to 32 F tonight, as a low. The first frost, if it is as they say.

Just thought I would let you know what a wreck I am. Ha!

But you have a good day. *laughs*

*world's smallest fiddle, yeah, I know... :p

No early sleep as I had hoped.

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I simply cannot get to sleep early. I was able to rest for a few hours but no sleep came when I retired. After a few hours, I simply got up and read the bible, nearly making it through Jeremiah. That is a long book, as was Isaiah. Isaiah, so far, seems far more relevant to Christianity than Jeremiah, but there are 3 or 4 chapters to read in Jeremiah. Sometimes it is right at the end where they do their far future prophecies. I seem to have a lame left eye though. I am not sure if it is because something is in there (it feels like it but I saw no bit or bits in it), I scratched the surface somehow, I have been straining it reading, or what. That is part off why I could not sleep, getting up to rinse it, and the pain when I tried to close it, though I doubt if it was all of it.

Then, when I finally was able to fall asleep, I woke up with a fever an hour or two into sleep. So, I turned the air conditioner up and turned the fan on high. Then, a half hour or hour later, while I still had the fever heat, I also got the chills. What a weird combination. Yes, going off the medicine (not by choice mind you) is killing me. I really think the VA is playing some passive aggressive game with me. That is what you get when dealing with bureaucrats and women. I hope you all do not get stuck on this type of medical plan, you really have no choice and bureaucrats have as much or more power as your medics. It is NOT a fun game. Do not trust anything your representatives offer you regarding a 'health plan'. Remember, the Reaper is cheaper, and they are all about money (they did not send my medicines because they were not sure I would be taking them... they could have sent a one month supply without being out too much if I did not, but they were pissed that I would even question them). Just so you know.

I could not sleep until, perhaps, 8:00 or 9:00 and I did not wake up until 18:00. The fever did not help, nor the chills, which must have ruined 2 or 3 hours of my sleep. When I was hot, it was easy to get up and turn the cold factories on, but when I got the chills, I could not function. I just sat and shivered for a long time. I am surprised I did not have fevered dreams, it really was pretty serious. It is weird to be burning up and shaking from cold at the same time.

Well, it may not be perfect, but it is not all bad. I am making it through the bible. I am not pressing, if I seem to be going fast. I read slowly, I just spend 4 to 6 hours a day doing that. And, I am back to eating well. I do believe a solid but small breakfast, and a big supper (though well before I sleep and heavily protein based) is the best plan. With apples, pistachios, and sometimes chips or pretzels to fill in the holes, I can be more food conscious. And, I am not dead yet.

I do need to do a lot of things and I am simply running out of time on some of them. I am not sure how to make it work, but I must. Tomorrow I have to get out and get things done.

Have a great day.

Jeramiah.

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It is late, but not too late. I think I will be ready to sleep after this. My reading today has taken me through the last 1/3 of Isaiah and on to the last half of Jeremiah. So far, God's will and prophets; 100 gazzillion, sinners; zilch. And, it was not even close, ever. God has never lifted his banishment of evil, so we are in real straights these days. Between abortion, murder, rape, and other crimes, we are in serious trouble. That does not even count the blasphemy of state worship, the false gods being perpetrated on us by our dear leaders (around the world, but no less here now too), or the attempt to remove God from children, workers, the faithful, or anyone they (the left) can oppress. Today, tomorrow literally, or the day after figuratively, there is little hope for most.

The program, actually, is rather simple. It does not work if you merely remember what to say or sing at Church, but whether you say or sing that in your heart. If you are clean of mind and soul, you will live that way. Anything else is not of worth. More, it is worthy of only scorn and derision and death, from God himself. And, it is difficult. It calls for giving up your life and letting God live through you, Christ in you, and to be surrounded by the Holy Spirit. It IS a yoke. It is a sacrifice. And, it is worth the price. The option is death, a death of the most horrible design. A death within life, an eternal life.

I see how atheists turn their heads. They read and laugh and read and ridicule. Some simply cannot see, though too, some will not see. They want what they want, and now that they make good money, they will have it, now that they are learned, they do not need it, they say. In my reading, I am drawn in more than ever before. To be honest, I thought the reading would be a dry duty. And, yes, at times, it is. For the most part, it is like drinking honeyed wine! Uhrm, I wonder where I got that? Anyway, it is a good read. And it does eat time, so do not think you can read a book a day, or something. Some days you can, and the short ones of course, but those like Isaiah and Jeremiah are not quick, if they can flow well, at times. It has brought me into His way of thinking, I believe, more solidly than anything else I have done as an adult. Now things make sense, now I see that my blindness and deafness in the world is supposed to be this way. (Somewhere in Isaiah, it spoke of this, something about the fact that those who rejoice in the Lord will be so afflicted. It was a joy after what I wrote the other day, and my sadness about it). And there is much more. The Good News and many Christian ways become much clearer. I have more pity now, than anger, at those who can only see the world and only hear with mortal ears and who only dine on flesh. It is worse than becoming mentally retarded through an accident and to not know it, because it is forever.

Well, bedtime! I am looking forward to sleep. Often I am not tired about this time of night. I sure am tonight.

Be well, and tell the Lord hello for me in passing. I will surely do the same. I think Father likes it when His children try to sneak up on Him in such a fashion! Children! :P

My hunger understood.

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Yes, indeed, I believe I know what my problem with hunger has been. While discussing things with my various medics, I was fomenting plans to change my diet. Now, I am not discussing dieting. I am talking about changes to what I eat on a regular basis. However, in that work, I myself neglected how many calories I need. And, I had been eating less in any case because of the heat. Between this and that, I believe I ended up simply eating too few calories for too long a time. That caught up with me. Several 200 to 400 calorie meals a day is simply not enough. And though, as I have discussed, man cannot live by bread alone man may also not live without bread.

Last night, when I ate beef, I gave myself double the portion that I have been eating, though a regular portion of broccoli and milk. And, that took care of my hunger, period. I was not hungry afterward, nor until when I woke up and started going. I simply cannot go on too light of meals, even if I am not particularly active. I suspect I am drinking less water lately as well, which does not help, so that needs to be tended. It curbs the appetite as well. With the soda siphons back in action, that will help. Water gets a bit boring by itself, but with a quarter of a glass of juice and the rest soda water (thus cutting most sugars, calories, etc.) or even just straight soda water, I have many more options that are reasonable to my dietary needs. I have simply been too tired to figure out what is wrong. It seems I am getting back on my feet, at least until the medicine arrives and I have to go through this again. Hopefully, this will be the last of the transitions for a while.

I also added a load of fruit in my last shopping foray. Apples, pears, and grapes, oh my. I am pretty sure I should add more citrus and less of the sugary fruits, and will in time. But this is a start. Availability, cost, and how long fruits last when I get them home must play a part in my decisions however too. As well, add in familiarity. What about pomegranates, kiwi, and some others? I am actually going to have to research fruits, as there are many I know nothing about, though those seem sugary too. This is like asking a bear with the memory of a goldfish to juggle different things on different days. I am trying anyway.

Isiah, like several other books, discusses the punishments of kings in his time, and those to come. In some of it, what ended up happening is just as he suggests, so much of it is reiteration of things I have read several times before, some of it is new though. This time, however, the writing is in a different format. I am a bit more than half way through, this is not fast reading. And of course, with all prophetic writings, obscurity can sometimes blind the reader's eye to understanding, and that a good reader which I am not. On the other side, however, it has been suggested that it is the Holy Spirit which guides the reader. Just as it is not the armies of men who will destroy His and their enemies, those men who worship god, but it will be the hand of God. So too, with reading, I think. Still, I make every effort to consciously understand what I am reading. Oddly, when I know what they are talking about, there seems to be an asterisk (leading to a footnote, which I almost never read now). When I do not have a clue, there is nothing. Ha! Perhaps I am not the only one lost in those passages.

I may or may not make a round of calls this afternoon. I have heard nothing from my Mom or lady friend in some time. Bah, they have busy lives. I may just wait another week or two. My sleep is so weird of late that I have been doing very little, so I have no real good news or such anyway. If they had news, they would have called. Yes, I will let them be for the moment. I had thought about going out shooting today, but I got such a late start that I simply did not have it in me. I simply have to figure out how to get my days switched back around. I have to do that.

It is cooling here, a great deal. It is not cold yet. It is simply pleasant, even in the afternoon. Thunder clouds, rain, lightning, and thunder have been playing in the night skies, which tends to keep it even cooler. All to my joy, of course. Sleeping has been splendid, if I am doing too much of it. I suppose I do not mind sleeping until early afternoon, for the time being, but not until the late afternoon, it leaves too little of the business day in which to do the business I need done. So, to that end, I am going to make a great effort to go to bed 3 or 4 hours earlier. I am sleeping 10, 12, and more hours, and cannot seem to change that, so I will just try to adjust for it. There is more than one way to skin a cat. Sorry D.C. There is more than one way to skin a raccoon, snake, uhrm, water buffalo?

Well, back to reading, or maybe dinner. Reading I think, I am simply not as hungry as I thought I was at first.

Good day!

Goat milk and beef.

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I did not drink the goat milk with super. I do not wish to lie. Beef was for dinner, and finally enough that my hunger has dissipated. Do not ask, just know that some cow out there is lowing over the loss. The steer must have been big, too. As well, broccoli and regular milk filled out the menu. I went to the store today, to finish up this month's grocery needs. Well, almost, I realize I am running low on vegetables. Still, I should be fine for the rest of the month with only a few bags more of vegetables. If my appetite can be brought back into line anyway. Goat milk was not exactly on my list. I have never tasted it, but there it was. I have tried soy and other milks, which were fine I suppose, especially if you want to enlarge your breast. Seriously, soy milk is very high in plant-based estrogens. Keep it away from boys, and other soy based products, really. But, goat milk should be just fine. The milk is not bad, not at all. It is more gamey tasting than (processed) cow milk, tasting more like raw cow milk (which I love). If it did not cost so much, I might actually switch to it.

I figured out my soda devices, the ones I had put together incorrectly and thus made useless. The best thing to do is what I do naturally, wait. In time, and probably not as long as I waited but I was both a bit fearful of them and a bit angry about it, they render themselves defused. After a week or two, I decided just to brave it. Nada, nothing, zilch, the caps came off and no spillage, spraying, or explosion. I have them back in production and I am pleased. I wish I could get this out there, as it is nowhere on the internet. I suppose some people call and ask. I just have not been in shape, and feared they would simply say the devices were ruined or to return them or something else expensive.

Yes, fear, paranoia, and such can and do rule my life. Those first two become powerful when my sleep becomes disturbed as it has been lately. I can, sometimes, check those, even in the midst of exhaustion but only if I see them. Now that I see them, perhaps I can check them completely. It might even help me to recover from exhaustion (and hunger). The good news is that I have been down very little here, and for short periods of time. Even going on and off medicine, and acclimatizing to the area, I am doing at least good. This month, I have saved enough to pay for a month and a half of double rent if need be, and plane tickets. I put about $240 in my pocket on the 1st for spending money, and I have $160 and then some (I stick various denominations, up to tens, and coins from change into my center console for emergency or forgotten wallet back-up). I do use my debit for groceries, and I have kept that to about $200. I still have a few things to pay, if I can get to them (driver's license and vehicle tags), but that has already been counted down.

I was wrong with my readings. I was already to Isaiah and am now about half of the way through. I was wrong, too, about what lays ahead. More of it is translated poetry, less of it is prose. I will get through it. I wonder, however, which poet a beginning reader should begin reading. It would be good if there were Christian poets, Catholic if at all possible. My guess is that almost all modern poetry is much akin to modern art. *snaps fingers* I wonder how angry God must be? Well, not really, after what I just read I have a good understanding.

I notice that many people suggest that God turns on His (or other) people. I heartily disagree. It only seems that way from the people's perspective. What really happens, is like the man who stands in a light at night leaves that light and then curses at the light for not being with him, the peoples who have fallen as such are no different. God did not move, the people did. In doing so, they fell. Whether Jewish or other, people constantly pull away from constraints God has set forth (both the natural and divine versions), when God was in their midst, when Jesus Christ was with them, and when they, now we, are on our own.

I do note that all throughout the bible it discusses the fact that some cannot and some will not see. Christ died for many, not all. And I suspect not even all He died to save will choose that path. I do worry about my own ways, and I consider this strongly. I do worry that my disability is nothing but a sluggard's way. But then, too, I know some are and always will be ill, poor, and such. If I have a fear, it is that I have simply tricked myself into being lazy and am not ill at all. I suppose, in this too, I can only do what I can do. It is incentive to get out and go, though, in the hopes of bringing back to life my weakened body, to do good, and to be useful and productive.

I am amazed, when I begin to read, how much time it does take, and again if I have said this before. I think I am whizzing through, and I am, but the clock keeps constant pace with my reading. It feels like I have been reading for an half hour when in fact hours have transpired. Even when I am not tired this happens. I have stopped writing passages, though the last part of the wisdom books and probably the prophecy books do not lend as much to this as where I was before. I see where, for the first time, the morning star symbolizes Satan or Lucifer if you wish (I had always thought Lucifer, roughly translated, did mean the morning star, the last star to be seen in the heavens after sunup and that it was synonymous with Satan, as before the fall he had been the brightest among them (beautiful, musical, artistic, and such as well)). Though earlier in the O.T., it discussed Christ, and God or good angels, as the morning star as well, in several places. That allusion of Lucifer as the morning star was in Isaiah 14, I think. Yep, 14:12, I just checked. I cannot remember the opposing references though.

I did place an order for primers, finally. I went to Cabela's and looked around. I ordered several brands, and each is on a slightly varying backorder length. The wait is from 2-3 weeks to 3-4 weeks. I will be quite interested to see what gets here and when. I have my doubts about the backorder time, but we will see. I ordered small pistol primers, on the shorter waiting list, for my neighbor. I do not use those, but I did order CCI, Remington, and Winchester primers in large pistol, and CCI in large rifle for myself. He is all out of everything. I received free shipping due to a special, and the primers are much cheaper there (same brands as here, or better, and when you can find them). I am praying that they come in as advertised. I will be quite thankful. So will my neighbor. He IS a gun nut:) I did this as I have been such a good boy about spending, reading, and (for a while) eating.

Back to reading. Sleep will not come until it does, for the time being.

Good night again.