Goat milk and beef.

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I did not drink the goat milk with super. I do not wish to lie. Beef was for dinner, and finally enough that my hunger has dissipated. Do not ask, just know that some cow out there is lowing over the loss. The steer must have been big, too. As well, broccoli and regular milk filled out the menu. I went to the store today, to finish up this month's grocery needs. Well, almost, I realize I am running low on vegetables. Still, I should be fine for the rest of the month with only a few bags more of vegetables. If my appetite can be brought back into line anyway. Goat milk was not exactly on my list. I have never tasted it, but there it was. I have tried soy and other milks, which were fine I suppose, especially if you want to enlarge your breast. Seriously, soy milk is very high in plant-based estrogens. Keep it away from boys, and other soy based products, really. But, goat milk should be just fine. The milk is not bad, not at all. It is more gamey tasting than (processed) cow milk, tasting more like raw cow milk (which I love). If it did not cost so much, I might actually switch to it.

I figured out my soda devices, the ones I had put together incorrectly and thus made useless. The best thing to do is what I do naturally, wait. In time, and probably not as long as I waited but I was both a bit fearful of them and a bit angry about it, they render themselves defused. After a week or two, I decided just to brave it. Nada, nothing, zilch, the caps came off and no spillage, spraying, or explosion. I have them back in production and I am pleased. I wish I could get this out there, as it is nowhere on the internet. I suppose some people call and ask. I just have not been in shape, and feared they would simply say the devices were ruined or to return them or something else expensive.

Yes, fear, paranoia, and such can and do rule my life. Those first two become powerful when my sleep becomes disturbed as it has been lately. I can, sometimes, check those, even in the midst of exhaustion but only if I see them. Now that I see them, perhaps I can check them completely. It might even help me to recover from exhaustion (and hunger). The good news is that I have been down very little here, and for short periods of time. Even going on and off medicine, and acclimatizing to the area, I am doing at least good. This month, I have saved enough to pay for a month and a half of double rent if need be, and plane tickets. I put about $240 in my pocket on the 1st for spending money, and I have $160 and then some (I stick various denominations, up to tens, and coins from change into my center console for emergency or forgotten wallet back-up). I do use my debit for groceries, and I have kept that to about $200. I still have a few things to pay, if I can get to them (driver's license and vehicle tags), but that has already been counted down.

I was wrong with my readings. I was already to Isaiah and am now about half of the way through. I was wrong, too, about what lays ahead. More of it is translated poetry, less of it is prose. I will get through it. I wonder, however, which poet a beginning reader should begin reading. It would be good if there were Christian poets, Catholic if at all possible. My guess is that almost all modern poetry is much akin to modern art. *snaps fingers* I wonder how angry God must be? Well, not really, after what I just read I have a good understanding.

I notice that many people suggest that God turns on His (or other) people. I heartily disagree. It only seems that way from the people's perspective. What really happens, is like the man who stands in a light at night leaves that light and then curses at the light for not being with him, the peoples who have fallen as such are no different. God did not move, the people did. In doing so, they fell. Whether Jewish or other, people constantly pull away from constraints God has set forth (both the natural and divine versions), when God was in their midst, when Jesus Christ was with them, and when they, now we, are on our own.

I do note that all throughout the bible it discusses the fact that some cannot and some will not see. Christ died for many, not all. And I suspect not even all He died to save will choose that path. I do worry about my own ways, and I consider this strongly. I do worry that my disability is nothing but a sluggard's way. But then, too, I know some are and always will be ill, poor, and such. If I have a fear, it is that I have simply tricked myself into being lazy and am not ill at all. I suppose, in this too, I can only do what I can do. It is incentive to get out and go, though, in the hopes of bringing back to life my weakened body, to do good, and to be useful and productive.

I am amazed, when I begin to read, how much time it does take, and again if I have said this before. I think I am whizzing through, and I am, but the clock keeps constant pace with my reading. It feels like I have been reading for an half hour when in fact hours have transpired. Even when I am not tired this happens. I have stopped writing passages, though the last part of the wisdom books and probably the prophecy books do not lend as much to this as where I was before. I see where, for the first time, the morning star symbolizes Satan or Lucifer if you wish (I had always thought Lucifer, roughly translated, did mean the morning star, the last star to be seen in the heavens after sunup and that it was synonymous with Satan, as before the fall he had been the brightest among them (beautiful, musical, artistic, and such as well)). Though earlier in the O.T., it discussed Christ, and God or good angels, as the morning star as well, in several places. That allusion of Lucifer as the morning star was in Isaiah 14, I think. Yep, 14:12, I just checked. I cannot remember the opposing references though.

I did place an order for primers, finally. I went to Cabela's and looked around. I ordered several brands, and each is on a slightly varying backorder length. The wait is from 2-3 weeks to 3-4 weeks. I will be quite interested to see what gets here and when. I have my doubts about the backorder time, but we will see. I ordered small pistol primers, on the shorter waiting list, for my neighbor. I do not use those, but I did order CCI, Remington, and Winchester primers in large pistol, and CCI in large rifle for myself. He is all out of everything. I received free shipping due to a special, and the primers are much cheaper there (same brands as here, or better, and when you can find them). I am praying that they come in as advertised. I will be quite thankful. So will my neighbor. He IS a gun nut:) I did this as I have been such a good boy about spending, reading, and (for a while) eating.

Back to reading. Sleep will not come until it does, for the time being.

Good night again.