.
.
This time I caught less than last. However, again, I was sure it was much later. I woke at 13:00(ish). I know, from getting up several times, that it was more like 17:00, urhm, earlier. Never mind all that. The sleep is good. Both needed and wanted. I am still in pretty heavy recovery, or having some other problem... can't be too sure. Taking a few down days, at least, is required. Though, as suggested, I might be able to kick a few things out of the park. Laundry can be started, dishes, and some work in the kitchen. If I can keep the work low key as I recover, I might just burrow in here at home for a week or two and really work on home. I love having a clean home, I'm just not good at it.
What? Oh... I think I will grill meats this afternoon... more like on into evening. I love love grilled meat. I have potatoes too, and carrots. I suppose I could figure something out with those. Oh, and if the last of the greens are good, I might well add them together and make a salad. I do like a salad once in a great while. More a way to enjoy more fats, mind you. *wink* Yes, boys and girls, I am all about protein and fat, then everything else in moderation. Then again, I survived nearly 25 years of a failed heart without medical care for it. You can knock my notions all you like, but unless you think I truly am unique in very peculiar ways, you might well take my example as a lesson. One way or the other, not both. Though, to be honest? Not my problem.
Oh, best get medicines set up for another two week set, and probably just refill the other one. It just works better to have a month set up, then go from there. I do try to remember medicines. I have slipped a few times this week. Oddly, I did well while shoveling. During my break, in the evenings, I started forgetting. I was crashing pretty hard, I think, is why. Failure isn't just an option, it's a likelihood. In some aspects of failure, the cessation of life, it is a guarantee. So... don't worry about failing, or succeeding. Just keep going until you can't, and fall, then arrange for the next ride. Keep getting up, even knowing that you have to eventually fail. THAT is the school we were sent to learn in. That isn't the only lesson, just one of them. Well... on to today's lesson.
Later.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Friday, January 22, 2016
Not always as planned.
.
.
I made it to town, and about when I had hoped. Popcorn, popper, butter, and some other things. Not everything. Even the movie was left. Ah well, perhaps next time. He had <i>Master and Commander</i>, which while we have both seen, we both like. So that was good. Next time I will remember the movies.
It was a light evening. We did go to the store. We both had a small list. I got everything, plus, as usual. It was a fast visit, then back. I really am not feeling up to much running around. A little was good, and I really wanted those medicine sets. Now I have three extra, if one of those will probably be put to use before too long. Those things really only last a year or two. With one having failed, the other might well be on the way out. Still, that gives me two extra. Which gives me time to replace one, then begin shopping for replacements before being clean out of extras. I have found that keeping extra extra in stock, as ill as I can be, really buys me time.
Today, or really tonight yet, tomorrow? I don't know. I think my sleep is just off. Not much I can do about it but swim against the flood until I can make some sort of headway again. All fine. I am still feeling a bit worn. I was a little surprised I was able to get out today, but pleased. I am hoping to get back to it before long. I have other things I really want to do. Later.
.
I made it to town, and about when I had hoped. Popcorn, popper, butter, and some other things. Not everything. Even the movie was left. Ah well, perhaps next time. He had <i>Master and Commander</i>, which while we have both seen, we both like. So that was good. Next time I will remember the movies.
It was a light evening. We did go to the store. We both had a small list. I got everything, plus, as usual. It was a fast visit, then back. I really am not feeling up to much running around. A little was good, and I really wanted those medicine sets. Now I have three extra, if one of those will probably be put to use before too long. Those things really only last a year or two. With one having failed, the other might well be on the way out. Still, that gives me two extra. Which gives me time to replace one, then begin shopping for replacements before being clean out of extras. I have found that keeping extra extra in stock, as ill as I can be, really buys me time.
Today, or really tonight yet, tomorrow? I don't know. I think my sleep is just off. Not much I can do about it but swim against the flood until I can make some sort of headway again. All fine. I am still feeling a bit worn. I was a little surprised I was able to get out today, but pleased. I am hoping to get back to it before long. I have other things I really want to do. Later.
Dream after dream.
.
.
I couldn't sleep until late. My body just... too tired? Yes, something in that neighborhood. Not a terrible thing, just off. Then I slept so well. Waking though, to dreams, which I go through just a bit next. Powerful. I kept waking for bathroom use, too. Just, everything was off. And, for much of the sleep, I felt as if I was back in the white-water. No control, if I was pretty sure I would survive. I couldn't always make sense of what was about me, where I was, what was happening. In the end, I think, it made sense for the most part. I thought I saw the time. First 15:00, then 17:00, time was flying. I wanted to wake, I simply could not.
It all came to some sort of conclusion. Some order was put to it. Waking, real waking, began to happen. I figured it must be 18:00, or later. Had to be. In my dreams, I was angry. While it was what time it was, it wasn't supposed to be that time. So... I changed it back. My conscious mind knew that wasn't possible, my impossible mind cared not about what is possible. Imagine my surprise when I looked and saw that it was just after 14:00 when I woke. All good though. It means my day schedule, if a little off, might be salvageable. As to meddling with time? I'll leave that for you to decide upon. I was just setting down to the machine to write a post, then call my friend, when he called. Yeah, I'll get it. We arranged affairs, he would like to go with me when I pick up a medicine set or four, then a movie or two. Popcorn for me, he can't handle the corn skins anymore. All fine. I just had to post this, listen to some music, have this cup of joe and maybe another, then get in and shower. All good.
.
I couldn't sleep until late. My body just... too tired? Yes, something in that neighborhood. Not a terrible thing, just off. Then I slept so well. Waking though, to dreams, which I go through just a bit next. Powerful. I kept waking for bathroom use, too. Just, everything was off. And, for much of the sleep, I felt as if I was back in the white-water. No control, if I was pretty sure I would survive. I couldn't always make sense of what was about me, where I was, what was happening. In the end, I think, it made sense for the most part. I thought I saw the time. First 15:00, then 17:00, time was flying. I wanted to wake, I simply could not.
It all came to some sort of conclusion. Some order was put to it. Waking, real waking, began to happen. I figured it must be 18:00, or later. Had to be. In my dreams, I was angry. While it was what time it was, it wasn't supposed to be that time. So... I changed it back. My conscious mind knew that wasn't possible, my impossible mind cared not about what is possible. Imagine my surprise when I looked and saw that it was just after 14:00 when I woke. All good though. It means my day schedule, if a little off, might be salvageable. As to meddling with time? I'll leave that for you to decide upon. I was just setting down to the machine to write a post, then call my friend, when he called. Yeah, I'll get it. We arranged affairs, he would like to go with me when I pick up a medicine set or four, then a movie or two. Popcorn for me, he can't handle the corn skins anymore. All fine. I just had to post this, listen to some music, have this cup of joe and maybe another, then get in and shower. All good.
The forecast says...
.
.
Nothing until Saturday, and then that is supposed to be rain. Of course, if it cools enough while raining, after raining, or even potentially before, then during and after... or some combination, that could turn to ice. Is is not easy to negotiate, even with salt. A bit of salt while it is coming down, and keeping an eye on things, might work.
I couldn't get to sleep as easily as I had hoped. Just... achy, a bit. Nothing major, and not even really painful. Sort of like how, in an old house, the thing creaks for no seeming reason. I really did work the heart and body. I could do more, but would rather not, for a while. I'm not sure how much more I could honestly take, just that this isn't the end of the line, but if I hit the end of the line that'll be that for a month or something. Probably. I'll go down hard. Still, that was a really good push. And it didn't cripple me.
I think, maybe, I can get out tomorrow. I don't want to do a whole lot. I would like to pick up some medicine-sets, take in the movie, popcorn, machine, and maybe a couple of bigger bowls. Or something. It's good having friends who are about as bad off as you, sometimes. Then I plan to take the rest of the weekend off, or at a very slow attempt at cleaning up. Good night.
.
Nothing until Saturday, and then that is supposed to be rain. Of course, if it cools enough while raining, after raining, or even potentially before, then during and after... or some combination, that could turn to ice. Is is not easy to negotiate, even with salt. A bit of salt while it is coming down, and keeping an eye on things, might work.
I couldn't get to sleep as easily as I had hoped. Just... achy, a bit. Nothing major, and not even really painful. Sort of like how, in an old house, the thing creaks for no seeming reason. I really did work the heart and body. I could do more, but would rather not, for a while. I'm not sure how much more I could honestly take, just that this isn't the end of the line, but if I hit the end of the line that'll be that for a month or something. Probably. I'll go down hard. Still, that was a really good push. And it didn't cripple me.
I think, maybe, I can get out tomorrow. I don't want to do a whole lot. I would like to pick up some medicine-sets, take in the movie, popcorn, machine, and maybe a couple of bigger bowls. Or something. It's good having friends who are about as bad off as you, sometimes. Then I plan to take the rest of the weekend off, or at a very slow attempt at cleaning up. Good night.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
A bit weary.
.
.
The nap was a bit long, though not as long as it might seem. I have been awake for a good bit now. I know I dreamed, of war. Wars that no man will see but others will. Not all things are about men, you know. Men, however, will choose when. The rest is out of their hands on the grander scales. Each man will have some choices, to some degrees, in his environment. But in the final war, no man will make any of the real major choices. The men fighting, initially, will only be men who are fighting for other men, all of who are fallen. It won't be until these have burned themselves out, and ground the other factions, pretty much, to nothing that another will find his place, call his army... a pitiful unenviable and small host. It is this army that will resist, and their leader who will call an end to the war through the laying of the dark enemy, to a man, to death in the streets. Not with arms but with word. Will, really, but spoken will. So says a Pied Piper. Or Jester, Coyote, Raggedy Man, among other names or titles... *wink*
Anyway, so dreams go. Someone must ensure that everyone is in their place, in their due time, for the show must go on. Just do not think that one has to surrender to the belief in the affair, any more than the stage manager must believe in the theater he is helping to present. Thankfully, a choice was proffered and accepted, and yet a job remains. Such dreams. Oh, sure, a middling role is to be played beside. Some shows are all hands on deck.
I am pretty worn, tuckered. I will not be shoveling extra on the frontage, as I had proposed. I am hoping, however, to stay up a bit, have a meal, play the game for a bit, be up reasonably early tomorrow, and check on my friend in the afternoon. A movie, popcorn perhaps, and a trip to town. His recliner should be in. Curious. I have some, but they are a bit old and small for me. I have been thinking of getting a bigger one, for when my ankles are troubling. Which, actually, is fairly rare. More a thing when I forget my water pill than when I eat excess salt. No work today, and maybe not tomorrow. Not sure about a trip to town either, but... that's tomorrow.
Later, or good night.
.
The nap was a bit long, though not as long as it might seem. I have been awake for a good bit now. I know I dreamed, of war. Wars that no man will see but others will. Not all things are about men, you know. Men, however, will choose when. The rest is out of their hands on the grander scales. Each man will have some choices, to some degrees, in his environment. But in the final war, no man will make any of the real major choices. The men fighting, initially, will only be men who are fighting for other men, all of who are fallen. It won't be until these have burned themselves out, and ground the other factions, pretty much, to nothing that another will find his place, call his army... a pitiful unenviable and small host. It is this army that will resist, and their leader who will call an end to the war through the laying of the dark enemy, to a man, to death in the streets. Not with arms but with word. Will, really, but spoken will. So says a Pied Piper. Or Jester, Coyote, Raggedy Man, among other names or titles... *wink*
Anyway, so dreams go. Someone must ensure that everyone is in their place, in their due time, for the show must go on. Just do not think that one has to surrender to the belief in the affair, any more than the stage manager must believe in the theater he is helping to present. Thankfully, a choice was proffered and accepted, and yet a job remains. Such dreams. Oh, sure, a middling role is to be played beside. Some shows are all hands on deck.
I am pretty worn, tuckered. I will not be shoveling extra on the frontage, as I had proposed. I am hoping, however, to stay up a bit, have a meal, play the game for a bit, be up reasonably early tomorrow, and check on my friend in the afternoon. A movie, popcorn perhaps, and a trip to town. His recliner should be in. Curious. I have some, but they are a bit old and small for me. I have been thinking of getting a bigger one, for when my ankles are troubling. Which, actually, is fairly rare. More a thing when I forget my water pill than when I eat excess salt. No work today, and maybe not tomorrow. Not sure about a trip to town either, but... that's tomorrow.
Later, or good night.
So strange.
.
.
A day or two of rest, a special moment of repose, and the future and past become available in such odd forms. I suppose it may mean nothing, or everything. Perhaps, after feeding the girls, I'll take a short nap. Even when good, life can be hard in ways. Beautiful, too.
.
A day or two of rest, a special moment of repose, and the future and past become available in such odd forms. I suppose it may mean nothing, or everything. Perhaps, after feeding the girls, I'll take a short nap. Even when good, life can be hard in ways. Beautiful, too.
Wonderful!
.
.
No new snow, no frozen rain, and the sun is shining. A day or two off snow duty and I am feeling better. I woke at 8:00 in spite of having gone to bed a bit later. Though I went to bed earlier than usual too. I am still sleeping a bit longer. That is what happens when you push an older class destroyer to it's limits. Nothing I can't survive it seems. Still, waking to a clear driveway and sunshine is a great boost to the ego. I won't say I can always do that. I will say it is more possible, as I see things. The more I can do myself, the longer my timeline, if that isn't in my hands, what of it is I will work as I may.
Today is mostly a day of rest. I wouldn't mind getting a few things sorted and started. It just won't be a day at the races. Old home day, no more. Coffee! I haven't had that in a while, doing tea lately for some odd reason. Good enough, I suppose. Nice for a change. But it isn't coffee. Hmm... my friend suggests he does coffee in the morning, tea at night. Might be worth a while to mix and match things as such for a bit. Plus, getting in some honey isn't all bad.
I did test sugars, pretty high still, but not the 500, or higher, it had been. Now that I am back on track I will begin to monitor and pay attention. I have some options to sugar that I like, if even these will have to be checked to see if they fit my goals. With medicine coming in, and me back on regular doses, I will start tending consumption and seeing what works and what doesn't. As I said though, my system is really screwy. It doesn't match up with what they have been telling me, not in a patent way. So... I need to figure it out myself, a bit. I know what they want, numbers-wise, now it's up to me to achieve those since their advice doesn't hold up well. Fair enough. If I want to live, it behooves me to pay attention and make the effort.
Life is good. A day of rest is great. I may be out tomorrow. Hmm... I may just take a movie over, tomorrow, and some popcorn. A bit of butter and I find I don't need all that much salt on popcorn anymore. An air popper cuts the fats to just butter. A nice gig once in a while, now that I found popcorn that seems to fit the region... being dryer and higher elevation, a different popcorn was needed. My old standby just didn't work in the highlands. Anyway.... later.
.
No new snow, no frozen rain, and the sun is shining. A day or two off snow duty and I am feeling better. I woke at 8:00 in spite of having gone to bed a bit later. Though I went to bed earlier than usual too. I am still sleeping a bit longer. That is what happens when you push an older class destroyer to it's limits. Nothing I can't survive it seems. Still, waking to a clear driveway and sunshine is a great boost to the ego. I won't say I can always do that. I will say it is more possible, as I see things. The more I can do myself, the longer my timeline, if that isn't in my hands, what of it is I will work as I may.
Today is mostly a day of rest. I wouldn't mind getting a few things sorted and started. It just won't be a day at the races. Old home day, no more. Coffee! I haven't had that in a while, doing tea lately for some odd reason. Good enough, I suppose. Nice for a change. But it isn't coffee. Hmm... my friend suggests he does coffee in the morning, tea at night. Might be worth a while to mix and match things as such for a bit. Plus, getting in some honey isn't all bad.
I did test sugars, pretty high still, but not the 500, or higher, it had been. Now that I am back on track I will begin to monitor and pay attention. I have some options to sugar that I like, if even these will have to be checked to see if they fit my goals. With medicine coming in, and me back on regular doses, I will start tending consumption and seeing what works and what doesn't. As I said though, my system is really screwy. It doesn't match up with what they have been telling me, not in a patent way. So... I need to figure it out myself, a bit. I know what they want, numbers-wise, now it's up to me to achieve those since their advice doesn't hold up well. Fair enough. If I want to live, it behooves me to pay attention and make the effort.
Life is good. A day of rest is great. I may be out tomorrow. Hmm... I may just take a movie over, tomorrow, and some popcorn. A bit of butter and I find I don't need all that much salt on popcorn anymore. An air popper cuts the fats to just butter. A nice gig once in a while, now that I found popcorn that seems to fit the region... being dryer and higher elevation, a different popcorn was needed. My old standby just didn't work in the highlands. Anyway.... later.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
So far, no new snow.
.
.
I'm hoping for a day off. Not sure that will happen, just that it would be good. Looking out at a clean driveway has never felt so good, even if it is just for a bit. It is great to know that I did a lot of it. I'm not sure how. It's not as if I don't try other times when I fail, or that I tried any harder this time.
A hoagie sandwich. Salami, havarti, sliced onion, tomato, and avocado, between two slices of ciabatta bread. Oh, and a large glass of milk. The tomatoes were good. I smelled them before taking them. If tomatoes don't smell... green, or... earthy... there is a specific tomato smell, then I won't buy them. These are as good as they smelled.
I am tired though. I can't quite get to sleep though either. It's a bit of a bother. I will be trying shortly. Later, or good night.
.
I'm hoping for a day off. Not sure that will happen, just that it would be good. Looking out at a clean driveway has never felt so good, even if it is just for a bit. It is great to know that I did a lot of it. I'm not sure how. It's not as if I don't try other times when I fail, or that I tried any harder this time.
A hoagie sandwich. Salami, havarti, sliced onion, tomato, and avocado, between two slices of ciabatta bread. Oh, and a large glass of milk. The tomatoes were good. I smelled them before taking them. If tomatoes don't smell... green, or... earthy... there is a specific tomato smell, then I won't buy them. These are as good as they smelled.
I am tired though. I can't quite get to sleep though either. It's a bit of a bother. I will be trying shortly. Later, or good night.
Tired.
.
.
Happily worn. That sort of feeling you get when you feel like you have done something. I am not sure I can sleep yet, though I think I can shrink wrap my world in preparation for sleep. I feel very good, as I like to feel. Working yourself into condition for sleep makes sleep a medicine, joy, pleasure, need, rather than being just a simple function. If it snows tomorrow I will shovel tomorrow, unless it starts to snow and doesn't stop. Though maybe even then, just to not fall too far behind. If it doesn't snow tomorrow, I may still get out and do a bit more of the frontage area. Oh, and I am hoping to get back to work on the inside as well. Laundry, dishes, the freezer, the kitchen, and the bathroom are all on my shortest list, if the order of the list isn't well defined.
My friend called. His sister will be here until Friday. She works him like my mother works me, comparatively. He being more ill, as to affect, with age. She shopped him until he dropped too. My mother did the same thing, several times though. All I did was let him know that I understand, that I think it's funny... more so when it's someone else's turn, and mostly let it go. He said they had work to do, I made a simple offer but was told they had it handled. So be it. I didn't really want to work, I only thought it polite to offer. Many have helped me. And I seem to be doing slightly better of late.
Yeah, a bit of gaming as I chill toward sleep. Good night.
.
Happily worn. That sort of feeling you get when you feel like you have done something. I am not sure I can sleep yet, though I think I can shrink wrap my world in preparation for sleep. I feel very good, as I like to feel. Working yourself into condition for sleep makes sleep a medicine, joy, pleasure, need, rather than being just a simple function. If it snows tomorrow I will shovel tomorrow, unless it starts to snow and doesn't stop. Though maybe even then, just to not fall too far behind. If it doesn't snow tomorrow, I may still get out and do a bit more of the frontage area. Oh, and I am hoping to get back to work on the inside as well. Laundry, dishes, the freezer, the kitchen, and the bathroom are all on my shortest list, if the order of the list isn't well defined.
My friend called. His sister will be here until Friday. She works him like my mother works me, comparatively. He being more ill, as to affect, with age. She shopped him until he dropped too. My mother did the same thing, several times though. All I did was let him know that I understand, that I think it's funny... more so when it's someone else's turn, and mostly let it go. He said they had work to do, I made a simple offer but was told they had it handled. So be it. I didn't really want to work, I only thought it polite to offer. Many have helped me. And I seem to be doing slightly better of late.
Yeah, a bit of gaming as I chill toward sleep. Good night.
There are limits.
.
.
I've hit a, what I call, soft cap. I can do more, and easily enough. I just really don't want to. I made it to town, did most of my shopping, realized the road was narrowing so I had a bite to eat and then ran home. I am tired. Not overly tired. Just a simple weariness settled into my body and that is that. Unless there is a disaster and great need, I am done for a bit.
I forgot my phone, so didn't know if my friend had returned my call. Seems not. I did receive a call from my doc, I'll check it after the groceries are put up and I have rested a bit, or tomorrow. I am rather shot. While it might be looking to get ugly and snow again, it hasn't started that yet. To great cheer. If it does snow, I will keep at it as long and well and I can. If I can't do it a day, I'll skip that day, if two days off are needed, or three, so be it. I'll do what I can when I can. Though, from the looks of it, it seems as if I am doing well.
Be well. Get to it if you can. If you can't, call me to laugh with or at you. Maybe both if you are extra lucky. Anyway... I'll get the groceries up and then put my butt down. It's needs to be gifted with a chair, and very soon. Later.
.
I've hit a, what I call, soft cap. I can do more, and easily enough. I just really don't want to. I made it to town, did most of my shopping, realized the road was narrowing so I had a bite to eat and then ran home. I am tired. Not overly tired. Just a simple weariness settled into my body and that is that. Unless there is a disaster and great need, I am done for a bit.
I forgot my phone, so didn't know if my friend had returned my call. Seems not. I did receive a call from my doc, I'll check it after the groceries are put up and I have rested a bit, or tomorrow. I am rather shot. While it might be looking to get ugly and snow again, it hasn't started that yet. To great cheer. If it does snow, I will keep at it as long and well and I can. If I can't do it a day, I'll skip that day, if two days off are needed, or three, so be it. I'll do what I can when I can. Though, from the looks of it, it seems as if I am doing well.
Be well. Get to it if you can. If you can't, call me to laugh with or at you. Maybe both if you are extra lucky. Anyway... I'll get the groceries up and then put my butt down. It's needs to be gifted with a chair, and very soon. Later.
Showered and shaved.
.
.
I am most of the way to getting out of the house to town. I didn't just do a light shave this time, either. No sir. I trimmed it first with the electric trimmer then set up the sink for a hot sudsy safety razor shave. I haven't quite worked my way to a straight, or saftety straight, razor yet. For now this will do. Next, I simply have to finish dressing. I did call my friend. No answer so I left a message. I thought about, since I know his message plays to whoever is there, asking if his sister is gone so we can go to the girly dancing show in Vegas, then swing for some swill in Reno. I was truly tempted, especially if I thought his sister was still here. But, no, not yet. Yes, I have gotten my friends in trouble before. Though usually innocent like this, since we aren't planning any such thing. *Cheshire Cat grins*
I best get going if I want some of that bread, and I do. I may pick up some more deli. Just a bit this time. I truly enjoyed, some of it. I have decided that deli corned beef is not for me. Salamis of various sorts, rare roast beef, and cheeses will do nicely. I'm not even a great lover of ham. I am sure there might be a ham out there I like, for deli. It would just take some digging. Just a matter of tastes, really.
I best be off. Little time for a bread purchase, though a good reason to get back to town later this week should I miss it. Though... it would be nice to be mostly caught up on my lists for a while, for once. Later.
.
I am most of the way to getting out of the house to town. I didn't just do a light shave this time, either. No sir. I trimmed it first with the electric trimmer then set up the sink for a hot sudsy safety razor shave. I haven't quite worked my way to a straight, or saftety straight, razor yet. For now this will do. Next, I simply have to finish dressing. I did call my friend. No answer so I left a message. I thought about, since I know his message plays to whoever is there, asking if his sister is gone so we can go to the girly dancing show in Vegas, then swing for some swill in Reno. I was truly tempted, especially if I thought his sister was still here. But, no, not yet. Yes, I have gotten my friends in trouble before. Though usually innocent like this, since we aren't planning any such thing. *Cheshire Cat grins*
I best get going if I want some of that bread, and I do. I may pick up some more deli. Just a bit this time. I truly enjoyed, some of it. I have decided that deli corned beef is not for me. Salamis of various sorts, rare roast beef, and cheeses will do nicely. I'm not even a great lover of ham. I am sure there might be a ham out there I like, for deli. It would just take some digging. Just a matter of tastes, really.
I best be off. Little time for a bread purchase, though a good reason to get back to town later this week should I miss it. Though... it would be nice to be mostly caught up on my lists for a while, for once. Later.
So far so good.
.
.
The driveway is still clear. Nothing dropped after. It looks like there is some melting, though that my just be from roof-melt.
Muscles are just a bit tight, everywhere. More like wearing compression clothing than anything. Every once in a while I get a bit of an intramuscular tickle. I suspect, if I tightened those muscles hard, right as the tickle runs, I'd get a charlie horse. Small things, not even really complaints. Only, perhaps, warnings not to go do somersaults down some sledding hill or such. *grins*
Out? I'd sure like to get out. Just to get out, a bit. Though milk and cream is probably needed. I hope I get the day off, of other snow. If I do, and tomorrow, I'll hit the frontage area, shoveling another ten yards, maybe fifteen. It really makes back in quicker and safer. Why back in? Trying to back out, on even this moderately and pretty reliably busy road in the winter or summer is a trick. Better to go nose out. More winter, when hitting the gas might just cause a little movement, then spinning and no movement.
Yeah, well, it's nice to have taken care of the snow last night. At least since it didn't snow more. Boy do I need a shower though. I had hoped to get one in last night, there just wasn't enough energy left. I think a trip to town will be kept very simple. Just some shopping, a bite, and back home. Later.
.
The driveway is still clear. Nothing dropped after. It looks like there is some melting, though that my just be from roof-melt.
Muscles are just a bit tight, everywhere. More like wearing compression clothing than anything. Every once in a while I get a bit of an intramuscular tickle. I suspect, if I tightened those muscles hard, right as the tickle runs, I'd get a charlie horse. Small things, not even really complaints. Only, perhaps, warnings not to go do somersaults down some sledding hill or such. *grins*
Out? I'd sure like to get out. Just to get out, a bit. Though milk and cream is probably needed. I hope I get the day off, of other snow. If I do, and tomorrow, I'll hit the frontage area, shoveling another ten yards, maybe fifteen. It really makes back in quicker and safer. Why back in? Trying to back out, on even this moderately and pretty reliably busy road in the winter or summer is a trick. Better to go nose out. More winter, when hitting the gas might just cause a little movement, then spinning and no movement.
Yeah, well, it's nice to have taken care of the snow last night. At least since it didn't snow more. Boy do I need a shower though. I had hoped to get one in last night, there just wasn't enough energy left. I think a trip to town will be kept very simple. Just some shopping, a bite, and back home. Later.
More.
.
.
Snow. Of course. Between 2 and 3 inches, up to plus an half inch... no minuses there. I thought about shoveling it tonight. My ego wasn't up to shoveling if it was just going to keep snowing on me though. I have worked to minimize my ego, but between having some healthy... I think... notions of ego, there is also morale. Both, at this time, are weak. Anyway, I kept watching. I never did see it slow down, not the last time I looked. I decided to get up and out anyway. Surprise! It had stopped snowing and the clouds had cleared out! Wouldn't have mattered, if I might not have done what I did.
The drive way, complete, of course. Though no one will be using the sidewalk too soon, I decided to get that anyway. You never know. Then I went on to the frontage areas, east and west, and did about 40 yards of that, mostly to the east as I tuckered out there at the last to the west. Still, now I can glide in, then back into my drive off the road. Yes... I am a peculiar cat, and pay the price for it. Oh, and again, I did it all in one shot. A few breathers, standing mind you, but not more than enough to catch my breath. I really should get my canteens in action. Water really helps.
Now, whether you consider this, the end of my day, as Tuesday, then I have shoveled every day since Friday, and shoveled last Wednesday too, I think. Three of them have been deep or water-heavy. One I did receive help with. Yeah... not bad. If nothing else comes in, at least before I can get out, I will go shopping. Just milk, maybe some of that fancy bread, and to see if my friend wishes to go along. His sis was supposed to be in town, and he sounded... a bit private about that. Fine. I'll still share my mum if she gets back out this way. A dinner or such. It's how we do. No, seriously, no fuss. Still, I'll see if she is still here, if he and/or she would like to go out, or what else is up. If it snows, however, I may just shovel and call it a day.
I may yet take a shower. Right elbow has a bit of a sting to it, thighs and midsection are smarting a bit. All else is good. Love me some work. You should have seen when I was healthy. No one believes... so... fine. But I'm telling you... and you should listen. Good night.
.
Snow. Of course. Between 2 and 3 inches, up to plus an half inch... no minuses there. I thought about shoveling it tonight. My ego wasn't up to shoveling if it was just going to keep snowing on me though. I have worked to minimize my ego, but between having some healthy... I think... notions of ego, there is also morale. Both, at this time, are weak. Anyway, I kept watching. I never did see it slow down, not the last time I looked. I decided to get up and out anyway. Surprise! It had stopped snowing and the clouds had cleared out! Wouldn't have mattered, if I might not have done what I did.
The drive way, complete, of course. Though no one will be using the sidewalk too soon, I decided to get that anyway. You never know. Then I went on to the frontage areas, east and west, and did about 40 yards of that, mostly to the east as I tuckered out there at the last to the west. Still, now I can glide in, then back into my drive off the road. Yes... I am a peculiar cat, and pay the price for it. Oh, and again, I did it all in one shot. A few breathers, standing mind you, but not more than enough to catch my breath. I really should get my canteens in action. Water really helps.
Now, whether you consider this, the end of my day, as Tuesday, then I have shoveled every day since Friday, and shoveled last Wednesday too, I think. Three of them have been deep or water-heavy. One I did receive help with. Yeah... not bad. If nothing else comes in, at least before I can get out, I will go shopping. Just milk, maybe some of that fancy bread, and to see if my friend wishes to go along. His sis was supposed to be in town, and he sounded... a bit private about that. Fine. I'll still share my mum if she gets back out this way. A dinner or such. It's how we do. No, seriously, no fuss. Still, I'll see if she is still here, if he and/or she would like to go out, or what else is up. If it snows, however, I may just shovel and call it a day.
I may yet take a shower. Right elbow has a bit of a sting to it, thighs and midsection are smarting a bit. All else is good. Love me some work. You should have seen when I was healthy. No one believes... so... fine. But I'm telling you... and you should listen. Good night.
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Just resting.
.
.
I'm not all broken up, just a bit on the tired side. I have played games, blogged, and read. That is it for the day. I could have made it out, I could have done laundry or dishes. I just get that wasn't the best choice. I shoveled snow from Friday through to yesterday, plus last Wednesday I think? I am tuckered. Oddly, the only thing that is a bit sore is my midsection, as if I had done a bunch of setups. I did miss medicine, in pill form, last night. I got the other stuff. Which surprises me. I would have thought I would have missed more medicine with the work.
I am hoping to get out tomorrow. A bit of shopping, something to eat, and just to be on the road. Nothing fancy, not a lot. I need to pick up more pillboxes. One of them broke, the other might be about to break since I bought them at the same time. This time I would like to buy four. Having a few extra just means shopping isn't as vital. Medboxes really help me stay regular. As poorly as I can do, this is much better than before, without. I am learning that prep isn't just for disasters.
I'm just waiting for dinner, then I'll be heading to bed. Sleep sounds fantastic. Good night.
.
I'm not all broken up, just a bit on the tired side. I have played games, blogged, and read. That is it for the day. I could have made it out, I could have done laundry or dishes. I just get that wasn't the best choice. I shoveled snow from Friday through to yesterday, plus last Wednesday I think? I am tuckered. Oddly, the only thing that is a bit sore is my midsection, as if I had done a bunch of setups. I did miss medicine, in pill form, last night. I got the other stuff. Which surprises me. I would have thought I would have missed more medicine with the work.
I am hoping to get out tomorrow. A bit of shopping, something to eat, and just to be on the road. Nothing fancy, not a lot. I need to pick up more pillboxes. One of them broke, the other might be about to break since I bought them at the same time. This time I would like to buy four. Having a few extra just means shopping isn't as vital. Medboxes really help me stay regular. As poorly as I can do, this is much better than before, without. I am learning that prep isn't just for disasters.
I'm just waiting for dinner, then I'll be heading to bed. Sleep sounds fantastic. Good night.
Nice!
.
.
First thing I do these days, is look out a window. It isn't even about if new snow has fallen, but how much. I resigned to the notion, just like to prep body and mind as I wake by knowing, possibly, what I face. The snow yesterday, I thought, wasn't deep and was fresh, so it looked easy. It ended up being the absolutely most difficult of the shoveling I have done, none of it being easy though. Ice sticking to the pavement, regular snow removal, working in rain a bit, ugly. So, today, I was hoping for just snow. Even three inches isn't too back, as long as there is no ice. As warm as it has been lately, if ice isn't there right away, best to remove it quickly or ice will form under the pack.
However, this morning, when I looked? No snow. Or, not yet. The salt has been useful, though has thinned greatly by being useful. So... I will, sometime today, add a bit more salt in those important, high-use areas. I like to keep people safe. Slipping can really bust someone up, and there isn't anything the pedestrian can do about it. I try to minimize salt use, for a number of reasons. But if it comes right down to keep my vehicle or people safe, salt will be used. Ah, but the sight of a clear driveway was a grand thing. I am still mush. Probably will be for another day or two.
I am not sure if I am going to get to town today. If it was a simple choice, I would. I may be a bit to mushy to shop. Though I might be able to pull it off. If it doesn't snow by afternoon. If I can squeeze a shower in. If I simply can, and then want to push as well. I know I can, I am simply not sure, in full, that the price, today, is worth the cost. The cold isn't even a bother, just raw main energy use.
On to some tea. Good morning, day.
.
First thing I do these days, is look out a window. It isn't even about if new snow has fallen, but how much. I resigned to the notion, just like to prep body and mind as I wake by knowing, possibly, what I face. The snow yesterday, I thought, wasn't deep and was fresh, so it looked easy. It ended up being the absolutely most difficult of the shoveling I have done, none of it being easy though. Ice sticking to the pavement, regular snow removal, working in rain a bit, ugly. So, today, I was hoping for just snow. Even three inches isn't too back, as long as there is no ice. As warm as it has been lately, if ice isn't there right away, best to remove it quickly or ice will form under the pack.
However, this morning, when I looked? No snow. Or, not yet. The salt has been useful, though has thinned greatly by being useful. So... I will, sometime today, add a bit more salt in those important, high-use areas. I like to keep people safe. Slipping can really bust someone up, and there isn't anything the pedestrian can do about it. I try to minimize salt use, for a number of reasons. But if it comes right down to keep my vehicle or people safe, salt will be used. Ah, but the sight of a clear driveway was a grand thing. I am still mush. Probably will be for another day or two.
I am not sure if I am going to get to town today. If it was a simple choice, I would. I may be a bit to mushy to shop. Though I might be able to pull it off. If it doesn't snow by afternoon. If I can squeeze a shower in. If I simply can, and then want to push as well. I know I can, I am simply not sure, in full, that the price, today, is worth the cost. The cold isn't even a bother, just raw main energy use.
On to some tea. Good morning, day.
Monday, January 18, 2016
When I break through...
.
.
You would think I would see stars. Which, yeah, okay. Some. But, no. Neither stars nor black nor pain. When I break through breaking through several other layers, I see why. She, her, call her what you will. Not one, never yet, but maybe. When I break through I realize that is what I need to do to be able to make a jab at possession. She will be difficult, even... perhaps especially... if she is on my... or our... side. Oh, I'm sure, great physical strength is good for sex too. But that isn't all or even most of it. Besides, that part I can still do standing on my hands. Crazy, I know. Didn't say I was similar to most, didn't say it makes sense. Anyway, after brutalizing my bod for the last few days, in a way even a health man would fear and have trouble doing, she is on my mind.
.
You would think I would see stars. Which, yeah, okay. Some. But, no. Neither stars nor black nor pain. When I break through breaking through several other layers, I see why. She, her, call her what you will. Not one, never yet, but maybe. When I break through I realize that is what I need to do to be able to make a jab at possession. She will be difficult, even... perhaps especially... if she is on my... or our... side. Oh, I'm sure, great physical strength is good for sex too. But that isn't all or even most of it. Besides, that part I can still do standing on my hands. Crazy, I know. Didn't say I was similar to most, didn't say it makes sense. Anyway, after brutalizing my bod for the last few days, in a way even a health man would fear and have trouble doing, she is on my mind.
Nothing but mush.
.
.
Not the drive. I actually did a really good job of that. Though it is raining, now. Seems better than snow, if it can drain off, though it may just be more and more trouble. It will, before long, if it continues, wash the salt off again, for sure. No, I am mush. I can't squeeze my biceps into much. First, it hurts a bit. Second, the best I can muster through that is a ball of clay. There is some meat there, from simple size, but not much else.
The lower back was murder, about half way through the job. I worked through the pain and it just went away. My legs are like my biceps... mush. Now, it's not like I can't do more. I have hit the icy patches several times since, brought the trash bin back close to the house too. And I hope to get a shower in, then maybe do some laundry. But I am not going to push it, or even promise those things. I could do a lot more, but I would fade quickly. If I can figure things out, I think I can do much better in time. I am not sure I can. I am sure I want to, for fun such as camping, hiking, and snowshoeing... for work, just stuff around, in, and out of the cave... and because. Who wants to be a cripple? I sure don't. Rather work hard, and have the health for it, than fail. Up to a point, of course.
In my prayers, I have been thanking God. Both for the snow and the gumption to go to it. I am well pleased to do. I offer these things to His glory, really. They are His, not mine. I'm just pleased to be able to do the work. I am certain it pleases Him. If nothing else it means I keep at it, beyond even my realistic means. I suspect, as much as I have overdone overdoing, He has probably been right there with me. Not that I won't keel over, I just won't do so alone. *grins* Later.
.
Not the drive. I actually did a really good job of that. Though it is raining, now. Seems better than snow, if it can drain off, though it may just be more and more trouble. It will, before long, if it continues, wash the salt off again, for sure. No, I am mush. I can't squeeze my biceps into much. First, it hurts a bit. Second, the best I can muster through that is a ball of clay. There is some meat there, from simple size, but not much else.
The lower back was murder, about half way through the job. I worked through the pain and it just went away. My legs are like my biceps... mush. Now, it's not like I can't do more. I have hit the icy patches several times since, brought the trash bin back close to the house too. And I hope to get a shower in, then maybe do some laundry. But I am not going to push it, or even promise those things. I could do a lot more, but I would fade quickly. If I can figure things out, I think I can do much better in time. I am not sure I can. I am sure I want to, for fun such as camping, hiking, and snowshoeing... for work, just stuff around, in, and out of the cave... and because. Who wants to be a cripple? I sure don't. Rather work hard, and have the health for it, than fail. Up to a point, of course.
In my prayers, I have been thanking God. Both for the snow and the gumption to go to it. I am well pleased to do. I offer these things to His glory, really. They are His, not mine. I'm just pleased to be able to do the work. I am certain it pleases Him. If nothing else it means I keep at it, beyond even my realistic means. I suspect, as much as I have overdone overdoing, He has probably been right there with me. Not that I won't keel over, I just won't do so alone. *grins* Later.
Wow. That was a lot of work.
.
.
It wasn't the deepest snow, but it was the heaviest by far. Wet. As if two inches of rain had fallen, then three inches of snow had topped it. Worse, the bottom layers were beginning to freeze. Even though it had been completely cleared and salted yesterday! Some ran off, but much stayed. Brutal.
My first idea was to do all the work necessary to get it all up in one go. Whoa! That worked like firing a shotgun with the barrel in the wrong direction. I would know, too. Yes, Precious, Doom has done some... interesting things in and with his life. As with the shotgun, no blood no foul. An immediate change of strategy was required. Did I mention it was brutal?
So, I went with getting the bulk of wet, unfrozen, snow off first. That was rather beastly of a chore. But, over time, I did get it. I then noticed, with the snow/slush gone, the ice underneath was partially thawing. So... I got to getting that off. I tried low and slow, then high impact. Alright, boys and girls, I am no longer capable of true high impact work. So, back to low and slow. I hit every piece of that drive three times. That was as good as I could get it, promises. Then I laid salt where it would be crucial... for dinner deliver, for me unpacking the Xterra from the store, whatnot. But not all of the drive. I think I hit a couple of ice patches that resisted my greatest efforts too. Oh, and I did it all in one run. No break, no nap. Brutal.
Indeed, life is coming back. I really should be crippled up, crying like a babe, maybe dying. Not... thinking about what to do next. Fuck it, I'll take it. I always thought I had more to do before I was done. And, for my part, have always been willing if not always able.
.
It wasn't the deepest snow, but it was the heaviest by far. Wet. As if two inches of rain had fallen, then three inches of snow had topped it. Worse, the bottom layers were beginning to freeze. Even though it had been completely cleared and salted yesterday! Some ran off, but much stayed. Brutal.
My first idea was to do all the work necessary to get it all up in one go. Whoa! That worked like firing a shotgun with the barrel in the wrong direction. I would know, too. Yes, Precious, Doom has done some... interesting things in and with his life. As with the shotgun, no blood no foul. An immediate change of strategy was required. Did I mention it was brutal?
So, I went with getting the bulk of wet, unfrozen, snow off first. That was rather beastly of a chore. But, over time, I did get it. I then noticed, with the snow/slush gone, the ice underneath was partially thawing. So... I got to getting that off. I tried low and slow, then high impact. Alright, boys and girls, I am no longer capable of true high impact work. So, back to low and slow. I hit every piece of that drive three times. That was as good as I could get it, promises. Then I laid salt where it would be crucial... for dinner deliver, for me unpacking the Xterra from the store, whatnot. But not all of the drive. I think I hit a couple of ice patches that resisted my greatest efforts too. Oh, and I did it all in one run. No break, no nap. Brutal.
Indeed, life is coming back. I really should be crippled up, crying like a babe, maybe dying. Not... thinking about what to do next. Fuck it, I'll take it. I always thought I had more to do before I was done. And, for my part, have always been willing if not always able.
Hmm?
.
.
I really thought I would be in rough shape. I keep expecting, one day, for nothing to work. Usually, pushing for a few days in a row will rock my world in the worst of ways. Pain, exhaustion, schedule twists, then everything else can go downhill from that. Food irregularity or absence, medicine becoming hit and miss, confusion on top of malaise on top of misguided will, and so on. Often, if I push, it can all collapse all at once. Though, this last later winter into early spring, I did go for months at a high pace... until I dropped for about six months. I don't think it had anything to do with working hard, I had made it past that point. (Uhrm, when I say working hard, I mean that within my paradigm... a comparative thing.) I am almost hitting that here and now. Perhaps I am well enough to go in longer, healthier, shifts. No guarantees. I can drop like a rock in a bucket, even when doing well. I'll just get back up sooner than not.
A bit more snow, but just a spit. I think the broom should work on that. And more salting... Whatever happened the other day, it seems to have eaten the salt. It just isn't keeping the ice away as it usually does. Well, snow sweeping, then trash and maybe recycling out, then a shower. I'll see after that. Hmm... I best get going. Actually it's probably too late for recycling, so I will focus on trash.
Sleep has been good. I keep dreaming of the two main sorts of man... or manlike beings. Man, of course, most know. Fallen, failed, but with hope. Just as with man's war with tyranny, man will only lose that fight when he chooses to do so. And, if prophecy is true, he will. Today? Tomorrow? In a thousand years? That depends on the heart of each man, then totaled. It has happened many times, in smaller ways. It just hasn't happened the final, and total, way... or irrecoverably. The other sort of man is nephelim. He is real, he is here. As a general rule he only hates those with the mark of Cain more than man. If these are true because, as a very regular general rule, he can't seem to know God. Know of? Heard about? Felt the lash? Sure.
As I mentioned, I read the bible before I was 10. Before the Navy, I read it... three more times probably (New Testament). Since I have read it twice more, plus the Old Testament three times, to catch up a bit. You know I had to be looking for something. I knew, to my mind, something was in there. I also looked in various churches. Why look so diligently if... there wasn't something... a hope, a belief that hadn't quite taken root, something. It wasn't until I was early midlife, and by then mostly dead, that something started calling. Even then it was so... difficult to hear. Even having to be rested, even in a mostly quiet life, even nearly dead, my nature resisted that call. It took fifteen years to finally be sure I heard, then having to fight the notion, argue it, challenge God and have Him win. Even then it took another three years to thrash through all of the paperwork. Like or not, the Catholic church is not big on invitations.
Oh, don't get me wrong, they are happy enough if you decide to join. But to become Catholic takes some serious effort, especially for someone in my condition. It was really up to me. They would offer the time and place and education, which is a lot. But it takes... six months? A year? Can't remember. It takes a while, with extra meetings each Sunday, and perhaps other things. Mostly for someone coming back or the prospective wife or husband hoping to do things right. Anyway... It was a brutal battle to find God, to hear Him. You just have no idea. Even mostly dead and I fought Him tooth and nail. Still not sure if He calls all my kind or if just a few of us. Like marriage, Christianity, of the true kind, is a... TRAP! Then again, those are the price for a family and a good eternal life. Some traps are better than others.
Anyway... the dreams... In them I see how strange they both are, see with true vision. So pale, those giants and other of the nephilim. So cold, intelligently animal, brutal, and yet compassionate to their own... in a very limited play. Some suggest they should only love and care for their own. And, up to a point, within their limitations to a degree, that is true. However, if you stop there, you will be no better than animals. Even if that is simply tribal? Yes. If you limit your compassion to just your own, even just allies at times... animal. Nephilim, unless they can hear God, and most can't, are extremely worldly creatures. With spirit, that is what allows them to stay and return. But without soul. A dark people doomed to die when the age of flesh is done, for flesh will be burned away and there will be no place for spirits to rise.
Whether man does it with bombs, or the universe does it with a super nova, or this star just ages beyond it's use then becomes a giant, life will end. Life is an anomaly. It isn't natural, at all. It shouldn't exist. I believe I have heard that the universe isn't so much good or evil, that is a thing of certain aspects of life. No, the universe is the great balancer, equalizer. It wants things to balance out. Since life is unnatural, the universe tends to look for a way to remove this, in a secular sense, sin that is life. And, one day, it will. I do not believe, no matter what science has produced so far, that life is natural at all. Funny thing to note, those who study nature... whether biology or physics... seem to believe there is too much life. It's more than a study, these days. It's a partial religion of death, academia that is. So smart they wish to undo life, even that of their own. Worse than animals, I guess.
Hrmm? I don't know. Blathering as I wake. Not even sure what I wrote. I need to get the trash out, and perhaps do some sweeping and salting while I am at it. Later.
.
I really thought I would be in rough shape. I keep expecting, one day, for nothing to work. Usually, pushing for a few days in a row will rock my world in the worst of ways. Pain, exhaustion, schedule twists, then everything else can go downhill from that. Food irregularity or absence, medicine becoming hit and miss, confusion on top of malaise on top of misguided will, and so on. Often, if I push, it can all collapse all at once. Though, this last later winter into early spring, I did go for months at a high pace... until I dropped for about six months. I don't think it had anything to do with working hard, I had made it past that point. (Uhrm, when I say working hard, I mean that within my paradigm... a comparative thing.) I am almost hitting that here and now. Perhaps I am well enough to go in longer, healthier, shifts. No guarantees. I can drop like a rock in a bucket, even when doing well. I'll just get back up sooner than not.
A bit more snow, but just a spit. I think the broom should work on that. And more salting... Whatever happened the other day, it seems to have eaten the salt. It just isn't keeping the ice away as it usually does. Well, snow sweeping, then trash and maybe recycling out, then a shower. I'll see after that. Hmm... I best get going. Actually it's probably too late for recycling, so I will focus on trash.
Sleep has been good. I keep dreaming of the two main sorts of man... or manlike beings. Man, of course, most know. Fallen, failed, but with hope. Just as with man's war with tyranny, man will only lose that fight when he chooses to do so. And, if prophecy is true, he will. Today? Tomorrow? In a thousand years? That depends on the heart of each man, then totaled. It has happened many times, in smaller ways. It just hasn't happened the final, and total, way... or irrecoverably. The other sort of man is nephelim. He is real, he is here. As a general rule he only hates those with the mark of Cain more than man. If these are true because, as a very regular general rule, he can't seem to know God. Know of? Heard about? Felt the lash? Sure.
As I mentioned, I read the bible before I was 10. Before the Navy, I read it... three more times probably (New Testament). Since I have read it twice more, plus the Old Testament three times, to catch up a bit. You know I had to be looking for something. I knew, to my mind, something was in there. I also looked in various churches. Why look so diligently if... there wasn't something... a hope, a belief that hadn't quite taken root, something. It wasn't until I was early midlife, and by then mostly dead, that something started calling. Even then it was so... difficult to hear. Even having to be rested, even in a mostly quiet life, even nearly dead, my nature resisted that call. It took fifteen years to finally be sure I heard, then having to fight the notion, argue it, challenge God and have Him win. Even then it took another three years to thrash through all of the paperwork. Like or not, the Catholic church is not big on invitations.
Oh, don't get me wrong, they are happy enough if you decide to join. But to become Catholic takes some serious effort, especially for someone in my condition. It was really up to me. They would offer the time and place and education, which is a lot. But it takes... six months? A year? Can't remember. It takes a while, with extra meetings each Sunday, and perhaps other things. Mostly for someone coming back or the prospective wife or husband hoping to do things right. Anyway... It was a brutal battle to find God, to hear Him. You just have no idea. Even mostly dead and I fought Him tooth and nail. Still not sure if He calls all my kind or if just a few of us. Like marriage, Christianity, of the true kind, is a... TRAP! Then again, those are the price for a family and a good eternal life. Some traps are better than others.
Anyway... the dreams... In them I see how strange they both are, see with true vision. So pale, those giants and other of the nephilim. So cold, intelligently animal, brutal, and yet compassionate to their own... in a very limited play. Some suggest they should only love and care for their own. And, up to a point, within their limitations to a degree, that is true. However, if you stop there, you will be no better than animals. Even if that is simply tribal? Yes. If you limit your compassion to just your own, even just allies at times... animal. Nephilim, unless they can hear God, and most can't, are extremely worldly creatures. With spirit, that is what allows them to stay and return. But without soul. A dark people doomed to die when the age of flesh is done, for flesh will be burned away and there will be no place for spirits to rise.
Whether man does it with bombs, or the universe does it with a super nova, or this star just ages beyond it's use then becomes a giant, life will end. Life is an anomaly. It isn't natural, at all. It shouldn't exist. I believe I have heard that the universe isn't so much good or evil, that is a thing of certain aspects of life. No, the universe is the great balancer, equalizer. It wants things to balance out. Since life is unnatural, the universe tends to look for a way to remove this, in a secular sense, sin that is life. And, one day, it will. I do not believe, no matter what science has produced so far, that life is natural at all. Funny thing to note, those who study nature... whether biology or physics... seem to believe there is too much life. It's more than a study, these days. It's a partial religion of death, academia that is. So smart they wish to undo life, even that of their own. Worse than animals, I guess.
Hrmm? I don't know. Blathering as I wake. Not even sure what I wrote. I need to get the trash out, and perhaps do some sweeping and salting while I am at it. Later.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Finally.
.
.
Like it or not, I did get back out. I shoveled the last of the snow, then salted a couple of areas which I and others use regularly. The sun was out today, or close. I think the weather has broken. I took a shower before getting out. I wasn't sure I would be up to taking a shower after I finished. A brutal set of days. Lots of shoveling, lots of work, too much snow. I am hoping things taper off soon. Still, I know now, sometimes, I can work right through troubles.
Trash and maybe recycling need to go out tonight. And I'd like to at least get my clothing back to the laundry room. If I am doing okay, I might run one load. Or not. Dishes need to be done as well. I've been spot hitting the bathroom. The floor needs swept and mopped. I'll see what I can do. Tuesday, I believe, is the day I would like to get out. I'll probably take two pair of slacks to the dry cleaner that day, and do minor grocery shopping.
This week, generally, is being used for housework. I'll push a bit. Though I've probably really overdone. Still, a bit of work, here and there, might be okay. I am doing well for having really overdone. Tomorrow is definitely a down day. Tuesday... maybe, if I still hope to get out that day. All good, boys and girls. Either I am peculiar, as regards health, or I just, medically, walked on water. :p Later.
.
Like it or not, I did get back out. I shoveled the last of the snow, then salted a couple of areas which I and others use regularly. The sun was out today, or close. I think the weather has broken. I took a shower before getting out. I wasn't sure I would be up to taking a shower after I finished. A brutal set of days. Lots of shoveling, lots of work, too much snow. I am hoping things taper off soon. Still, I know now, sometimes, I can work right through troubles.
Trash and maybe recycling need to go out tonight. And I'd like to at least get my clothing back to the laundry room. If I am doing okay, I might run one load. Or not. Dishes need to be done as well. I've been spot hitting the bathroom. The floor needs swept and mopped. I'll see what I can do. Tuesday, I believe, is the day I would like to get out. I'll probably take two pair of slacks to the dry cleaner that day, and do minor grocery shopping.
This week, generally, is being used for housework. I'll push a bit. Though I've probably really overdone. Still, a bit of work, here and there, might be okay. I am doing well for having really overdone. Tomorrow is definitely a down day. Tuesday... maybe, if I still hope to get out that day. All good, boys and girls. Either I am peculiar, as regards health, or I just, medically, walked on water. :p Later.
More snow.
.
.
Not too much more. As I mentioned in a comment, while out grilling steak last night, at about 23:00, I noticed more down. So... I shoveled six to seven feet out from the drive, just, hopefully, to give myself a good start today. I then ate, goofed until I could come down, and then went to bed a bit before 4:00. Just could not go down. Upon waking at around noon, I looked out while passing that way. No more snow on top of what arrived before midnight. But it's enough. Yes, when I get my life together a bit, and a shower and dry time, I'll be back out there. I'm doing amazingly well for a dead guy. *grins*
A bit stiff in the lower back, of course. My muscles are actually in better shape than they were, not as stiff and sore. All else is pretty good. I'll keep at it, I suppose. The love of work has waned just a wee, but the ability and will to it remains just as strong. Yeah, life ain't bad.
Later.
.
Not too much more. As I mentioned in a comment, while out grilling steak last night, at about 23:00, I noticed more down. So... I shoveled six to seven feet out from the drive, just, hopefully, to give myself a good start today. I then ate, goofed until I could come down, and then went to bed a bit before 4:00. Just could not go down. Upon waking at around noon, I looked out while passing that way. No more snow on top of what arrived before midnight. But it's enough. Yes, when I get my life together a bit, and a shower and dry time, I'll be back out there. I'm doing amazingly well for a dead guy. *grins*
A bit stiff in the lower back, of course. My muscles are actually in better shape than they were, not as stiff and sore. All else is pretty good. I'll keep at it, I suppose. The love of work has waned just a wee, but the ability and will to it remains just as strong. Yeah, life ain't bad.
Later.
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