Sometimes I wonder why I do things.

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Shaving with a straight razor, but more choosing to hone it myself.  Why?  In an off moment, the answer won't pop.  A little time, and I realize that a straight razor, more so if you can hone it yourself, and shave with it of course, can save a large amount of money over it's lifetime.  I suppose I could just go with a beard.  But that doesn't work all of the time.  I don't know if I believe that it offers a closer shave.  The jury is out on that until I see for myself.  I was able to get very close shaves with disposable head razors.  And while that might be a plus, should I find a woman, for myself it doesn't matter much.  Beside the savings, if this every pans out, there is the whole idea of it too.  It is a form of self-sufficiency, an act that is manly... brave... if more for my own thinking.  And it is a skill.  With four razors, should I learn to shave myself well, I could hire out to shave others.  I would never do barbering as a regular thing, but I sure wouldn't mind adding a silver dime to the pot, from time to time.  Same with honing tools, and skills.  This skill goes beyond just shaving gear.  From axes to chisels to planes, sharp tools not only work easily, and more precisely, they might not work at all if dull.  A skill that could easily be bartered, or gifted.  It's sometimes good to have friends.

I have been researching various material, video and reading, regarding this.  Beside having a blade that was too dull, I was running it at too much of an angle, I think.  Even so, it is a spooky thing.  The video I posted of the man doing tutoring of sorts, indicated that there will be pain.  He advised a slow approach for beginners.  I have read that having honed well past 8k grit, I think to 12k with my final stone, I should be able to shave easily.  And, yet, I balk.  I wish shave instructors would be more forthright in what to expect, how long the skills take to actually be functional with the blade, and such.  I suppose they don't want to scare men off, and women too.  There are some brave lasses who use these on their legs and even underarms.  It's sort of like the way married men talk about marriage.  Generally they only tell you the good parts, or mildly neg something or other.  They don't tell you of the nights they wake up in a cold sweat, realizing they are bound to "her", and maybe children.

I know, I know.  But, I also know.  *chuckles*  Yeah, both are better than the options.  Both just take practice, suffering through, giving and learning and all.  But marriage, for sure, is a little death.  A death to self, selfishness, and even access to it.  On both parties part.  You have to learn to get along, to surrender to your duties, giving up much.  The price is worth it.  I know this.  I also, as with the razor, know that the price cuts deep.  Failure isn't just an option, or a probability, but a certainty.  A whole new variety of failures that are not even present to the single man or woman.  And yet, as with all failure, it is the only way to grow beyond the child I still am.  Years will not erase what only experiences can send me beyond.  In that way, both man and woman will learn together regardless of what is different about them otherwise.  An equalizer.

You know...  I may try to shave the cheeks, as he suggested.  And if not too cut, I might hit under the chin.  I've been keeping it trim enough that I just have minor whiskers, so it shouldn't be too bad.  Yeah... I'll go ahead and see what I can do.  The trick is to stop with those.  Like some gamblers, who don't know to quit when ahead, I can forge on into new territories and burn out.  We'll see.  Later.  Actually, probably good night.

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Well, I wouldn't call it great.  But no blood.  I'm still pulling as much as cutting.  I don't mind pulling, though in time that will have to go.  I did the cheeks, the bit under the lip, and 'v' under the neck, the flats under the jawline, and tried some difficult areas, even with razors I am familiar with... the bit the grows from the jaw to around under the ears.  Always a tricky place. It's not a close shave.  I hope that will come with time, and perhaps the extra sharpening stuff that is on order.  No blood!  I didn't even need to use the alum bars I purchased.  The last time I tried this I cut myself, pretty good, randomly.  Alum wasn't enough for those.  I had to stop shaving until those healed.  Same razor, but it wasn't sharp enough.  Perhaps I hadn't found the tutorial at the time, or at least this good of one.  Whatever!  I am on the way to straight razor shaving.

Days are tipping.

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The last few days have seen me waking much later.  I wore myself down as far as I could go.  The batteries were taken down to the nub and recharge rate is being brutally slow.  No worries.  I'll do what I can with it, rest as needed, work when I can, and get on with life in the time I have, as available.  I enjoyed the work, the rest is part of the price.  And, yet, I continue to do small things, now and then.  All good, really.

I woke very late today, around 14:00, give or take.  I had to let the girls in, to help me wake even then.  For their efforts, and patience, I rewarded them with a meal first thing.  As winter begins to present, I will feed them twice a day a bit more often.  They seem to need it more when temps drop and being stuck in the house begins to work on them.  Sam gets cabin fever something awful, especially with Sassy giving her no room.  Extra food limits the fighting a bit.  Oh, not extra food every day, just a few times a week.

I decided to make ham and eggs this morning.  I'm never sure about these products.  Eggs I can do, but ham is sort of a new product to me.  It's mostly miss, with some hits, on ham.  This morning I tried a slightly different method.  I slowly heated the pan, adding butter at the second increase in heat, then added the ham and some water, in the cast skillet.  I cooked it until my senses told me it was correct.  I then added a bit of butter per egg, watched them closely, and near the end added just a bit of water to ease lifting them off the pan.  While this didn't turn out picture perfect, the taste is as good as I have ever eaten, and far beyond any previous attempt on my own.  I'll need to practice this, to see if I can improve appearances.  But the flavor profile was absolutely perfect, spot on, righteous!  I will not surrender flavor for looks, mind you.  Still, if not so much for me, others seem to eat better when it is "pretty".  Oh, and I am terribly finicky.  Now, I'll eat pretty harsh foods, if not so much vegetarian so much.  I've eaten some terrible cooking I have done.  So maybe finicky isn't the word.  What I mean is, I know what good and right tasting food should be.  Forced to judge, I can tell if something is too bland, too spiced, just right, and for what it was meant to be.  My palate is incredibly well trained.  I can even judge foods I don't like within their merit, and live off them if needed anyway.  This was perfect ham and eggs.

Hmm... today?  A shower shortly.  I have been keeping up on the place.  I like this... clear and clean living.  I had hoped to do a bit today, workwise, but I don't think that is possible.  I am pretty cooked still.  I will look for opportunities, and stay on top of little things.  But today looks to be another day of rest, as will tomorrow be, most likely.  I burned through a couple of months of energy in a few weeks.  I will need some time to recuperate, that's just the way of it.

Husband and wife training. Huh?

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Maybe soon.

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I've tinkered, made a bite to eat and cleaned up from it, did a few smaller things.  I just... I did get the honing goo out, and read the instructions.  But they seem... well... stupid.  I am going to look online.  Perhaps they were written for techies, or nerds, or professionals.  I'll see what real users suggest.  I actually do like to do things more technically, the first time, usually.  In this case, I think they are being weird about it.  There are some times where I well and truly balk at fastidiousness.  And there are always limits.  The book is really good if it is right.  Most of them aren't.  Who do they hire to... ah... job security.  Gotta have enough words written down to "earn" keep.  Bleh.

I need to get spice the next time I am in town.  I'm out of my favorites.  I won't keep forty or fifty spices on hand, but I would like to keep fifteen to twenty, and some fresh flavor items, such as garlic and onion.  With the kitchen really clean, I am hoping to do more small, precise, cooking projects.  I should clean out the oven too.  I'm just not a baker, but I would like to tinker with quiches, souffle, custards, and some other items...  The one actual pastry baking I would like to do is puffs.  The way to keep on top of it is to cook very small batches, and only cook when I am more able.  Well, that is the idea.  I do need certain spices, regardless.

I will be trying to hit it a bit earlier tonight, and wake reasonably tomorrow.  I guess I needed a day off.  Even if I get to town tomorrow, I still would get Sunday off.  It sounds like weather will be relatively good for a while.  Warm, really, into the 50's for the most part for at least the next week, though with rain on a couple of days bringing cool with it.  I am hoping to enjoy as much easy weather as I can before it closes in a bit more traditionally.  A couple days out shooting would be very nice.  And... just being out without having to bundle.  Plus, my friend will enjoy getting out.  This is mostly it, once winter closes in, until spring probably.

Can't quite go to bed, so I'll... do a little youtube research on the honing paste, perhaps look for material on a couple of other things, and try to smooth out the way to bed.  Good night.

Yes, yes.

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I did find the stuff, and several types of all of it, that I need.  I haven't gotten to much today, other than finding the materials.  I might hone with the super grade paste tonight.  But I won't try to shave.  I want to be in good mental order.  I think it would work out just as well, either way.  It's just a sense that... I like to have full faculties when dealing with sharps.  Too tired.  I've pushed for the last few weeks.  I need a little down time.  But... I can get it all ready.

Oh, and I am going to try to keep up on things.  After making supper tonight, I swept around the kitchen.  I may do a bit of vacuuming too.  And sweep and mop the bathroom.  It is pretty clean in there, but I don't think that was done, and want to do it.  The place is clear almost everywhere, so I have an easy time getting to things.  And I don't have to be at all perfectly coscient for cleaning.  Tomorrow, I will probably get to town and take my friend shooting, do a little shopping, then, perhaps, wet vac the living room.  If I am too tired after town, I'll do that Monday. 

How have I been able to be more active the last few weeks?  I quite my meds, for a bit.  A vacation.  I have started up the water pill and insulin, and will start up, on half dose, just in the evening, of the main pill, losartin, and vitamins.  I will increase the dose of the main pill until I hit a wall.  My guess is I will, at most, be taking half a dose of that, perhaps a quarter.  It's simply too strong.  I probably shouldn't have stopped all of it, but I was at the point where I couldn't think straight enough.  So...  *snip*

Hmm... on to honing, then a cup of coffee, and then... something else.  Later.

What a night.

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I had to fight to wake this morning.  Like being in a riptide of sleep, I knew not to fight it directly.  I had set the alarm to cut sleep just a bit shy of a seven hour sleep.  I'm not sure if that was good or not.  For all I know, whenever that alarm went off, it would have been a fight this morning.  The first two times I simply knew, and just reset the alarm for an hour more.  After those were done, I began fighting, using the snooze bar.  There was nothing else I could do.  Either that or I could have just surrendered the day to sleep.  Though, sometimes, when I do that, it works.  Just not always.

I dreamed in there.  In one of the dreams I was speaking with a darkling.  Evil creatures intent on destruction.  It sometimes amazes me how well they know the full truth.  They simply don't care, choose otherwise.  Same with humans who have chosen to be their pets for whatever reasons.  Oh, in the dream, they were kin.  It's not like we don't know each other, and well.  Men don't understand, because of the oddities of death and flesh that they know.  But enemies, in reality, do talk fairly often and freely.  The war, for them, was lost long ago.  It would be like, among those who would and could, veterans speaking with their foreign adversaries years after a war.  And more, those who believe in their side still.  War in the spirit realm, is a thing of willpower.  St. Michael is with God much of the time, it is suggested.  Praising, but imbibing of God's will.  Angels did not war as men do, or Satan would be dead, as with the rest.  Think of it more like a scrum, in rugby.  It is raw will.  Only when they take flesh can they war like men, but they don't... fight well, in one sense.  Imagine powerful warriors, but ones who do not know anything but a full frontal assault.  They don't know ambush, flanking maneuvers, or even retreat.  Powerful, in some situations... mostly when at war on the side of men who are facing a much larger army, one which dismisses them and just sends in waves of attackers without care.  In a normal man war of give and take, flank and ambush, tactics and such, angels do... poorly.

Nephilim fought with both types, fallen and from the host on high.  And win.  Nephilim are like angels, but fight like men but with some fierce will as with angels.  Terrible in their abandon, yet crafty in the arts of war.  These also lost, but not to angels.  That took an act of God.  Even so, nephilim weren't Satanic.  Animals, nearly.  More, in a few ways.  But animals that won't die.  They die of flesh, as all things of flesh die, they just don't stay dead.  On the playing field, in a sport, when someone is hurt, they might be removed from the game.  But they come back, or are retired, it isn't the end.  Earth, to such, is the game field, and death is merely an injury.  I am not sure how the return functions.  I have wondered if their genetics simply have to be remade.  Another option is a child that dies, or is murdered, in the womb, can become a new host.  Or specific ones.  Yes, I suspect my birth mother did, or attempted, that very thing.

In any case, nephilim, once they become self-aware, remember the old ones.  I term them uncles, those being angels.  Angels I often call dragons.  If Lucifer wore the body of a snake, at one time with legs, as an at one time host on high, archangel actually, why would others not have done so as well, even among the host on high?  I know the punishment, the removal of legs, but that was for the guilty.  A bit of a tale, too, that.  I'll buy, but just as the flood ended life, it didn't end all life.  There really are exceptions.  Anyway, in remembering the old ones, and the old wars, there is talk among them.  They do know each other.  They might even like some of each of the others.  It is just that their wills are no longer in alignment or with nephilim, for the most part, never were.

And, so, we talked.  One of my dark uncles was trying to convince me of something we both knew to be false.  Among other nephilim, who also knew it to be false, he would be given a pass on that in order that a pass be given in return on other lies for the preference of the dark nephilim.  I have no such want of a pass on lies, for I do not believe in them or accept them.  A fool, ignorant, sure, but not willfully accepting of untruth.  I merely told him he should remember the time before tongues were split so as to counterfeit truth.  He merely chuckled, and told me I had a split tongue.  Which is true, but not for the sake of lies.  He knows well that I have a split tongue in order to allow the various natures of man to understand.  I once used it to parse truth to my advantage, much as money changers cheated customers in the temple, but that I surrendered that dark gift as well as one bearing flesh, and limited by it, may.  Now I use it, as well as I may, that some may understand from a slightly different perspective.

Still, we spoke of the old days.  Angels do not care much for war as men do them, or for the way angels fight.  They are not warriors.  None of them, if some are better at it.  They really prefer to do their tasks, more often divine, or now fallen, bureaucrats of sorts.  Messages are sent, small acts may be performed, and little things of good or evil may be performed through men.  Angels can, sort of, enhance a man's ability.  But the meat of any miracle comes through the faith or treachery of the man.  Angels just can make way to connect the dots and make the event go forth.  There is possession, but that isn't what many think.  Imagine, having no skills, but being put in an airplane or helicopter mid-air, and then having to figure out controls and such.  It ends in a terrible wreck.  The flesh itself fights the will of the possessor, and for some who have a will that isn't to evil, some parts of them fight the possessor as well.  I don't think they can possess nephilim at all.  We are stronger, the power of angels and the flesh of men.  Couldn't storm heaven... God, as Lucifer and co. found out.  Some say, when we are in a time-out, that the darker of our spirit forms may also possess, what the bible differentiates as devil and demonic possession.

I don't know where all else the dream traveled, but I spoke with him for a while.  He had been a favored uncle, back in the day.  He already fallen by the time I came to be, but I was not with God at the time.  I am not sure my good uncles would speak with me, even know.  Even choosing to follow God, I am of flesh, and spirit, and am just as in need of Christ as any other of flesh.  They... don't look fondly on men for this failing.  While they do God's will, and guide, help with miracles, even guard men, and maintain some balance in the world, their love of man is... limited.  Their love of my kind less.  Still, we conversed.  I won't say I tried to save him, but I would not allow for his lies, either.  Pray you don't meet him in a dream.  He is not one you would want to meet.

Crazy dreams.  All of that story was sort of remembered in it.  Much like if you had not been in your old highschool in decades, but went in one day and... could find your lockers, the one you used in the main hall, and the one you used for P.E.  Remembering various home rooms, visualizing your teachers, favored or otherwise, and little stories from your time there.  Almost seeing the ghosts of your youth.  That girl you wanted to date, but she was a senior while you were a freshmen, or who seemed just out of your reach, the guy you did or almost got into a fight with, some of the hazing, some of the glory and shame of it all.  It all came alive, in my mind, in the dream.  Still, I lost most of it.

Now, remember, just a dream, a dream based on a story line I have built, if based roughly on theology, mind you.  Don't go getting holy water, crucifixes, wolves' bane, mallet and hammer, preparing to storm my cave.  I'd hate to have to put you down.  Mostly.  Though if you were reasonable, I'd put on a fresh pot of coffee and discuss much.  Even suggesting a better monster killing kit.  You actually can't kill.  That is God's province.  If such a task exists, and you are called to do it, your faith and simple mundane tools will see you to success quite nicely.  A pistol, not a stake... a rifle, not wolves' bane.  If even that will probably be through you, by an angel... or several... depending on the job.  I haven't put the dream in order, I merely... wrote down what I remembered as I remembered it.  One thing pinging off another, until I emptied my head of what of it remained.  Not even sure it tracks or makes sense.  You know how dreams go, and that first bit of waking.  I'll review later, to see if I wrote it right.  As per recall.  A "not" where it doesn't belong, or a perspective that is off, can make a huge difference.

Ugh...  Time to wake up I think.  I'll have another sip or two of coffee, then see about a cup for the shaving soap, the shaving soap, and that honing material for the cloth strop.  I'm a bit nervous.  But I said, if I could clear the kitchen table I would do this, and so I mean to.  Later.

Honed.

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Yeah, I did get to it.  I forgot after writing that post.  After a bit, while tinkering in the kitchen or using the restroom, I remembered and set the stones to soak.  I worked them one each grit.  I have sharpened before, but not at this level.  I wasn't sure it would work, if I was doing it correctly, just didn't know.  The blade is much sharper.  After honing, I stropped the razor forty times or so.  Yeah, it's pretty tight.  I'm not sure if it actually is up to speed, but it is much sharper than it had been.  I have some sort of chemical for the cloth part of the strop, which is a much finer grit yet.  I may hit it with that tomorrow, strop again, and...  Who knows.  If it seems dandy sharp I may give it a whirl.  If I can find everything I need.  I thought I put it all right in one place, in one cabinet in the bathroom.  I have seen everything but the soap.  And I'll want to review a video or two before attempting to shave with it.

I have the stones soaking still.  If this works to my satisfaction, I may hone another razor tomorrow.  Perhaps a third.  It doesn't take long to hone.  It isn't hard work.  At least, if I am doing it correctly.  They say once you get them sharp, all you need to do is strop them daily and they can last from a month or two out to three, depending on your whiskers, technique, and how often you shave, possibly among other things.  Hmm, oh, I haven't seen the honing compound around either, for a bit.  But I haven't looked for either, specifically.  So, to this point, they aren't officially lost yet.  Too late for me to dig around tonight.

It's past bedtime.  Tomorrow is a day off, and yet I would still like to be up earlier.  Good night.

Out and back.

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Out to eat, then a bit of shopping, mostly window shopping.  Then back.  I am pretty worn today.  I will be taking tomorrow off.  Then, hopefully, I will be out Saturday.  The sun is supposed to be back, or mostly.  The temps are supposed to remain in the 50's.  I suspect, if we can do it, we should get out shooting before that becomes too difficult or cold.  For me, the cold isn't as much of an issue.  A foot of snow is, to a degree.  If I can learn to snowshoe well enough, I might even do some target practice while out.  It offers one more incentive.  I do like to shoot.

I do need a bit of rest though.  I have been pushing for the last nearly two weeks.  Going to town or cleaning, as little as it might seem it was a lot for me.  Oh, I enjoyed it.  And, if I can rest up a bit, I'll continue and do more on top of what was done.  I might even get to something today.  They totally cleared off the top of my kitchen table.  I need to set up some things, but I also might soak my wet stones and work on one of my straight razors!  With it that cleared off, and fearing my usual... path... I best get to this right away.  If I can get the razor set, and practice on the balloons until I feel secure enough, then in fact begin shaving with it... as soon as I get the kinks worked out, and have a solid understanding of what I am doing, I may go ahead and hone the rest of my blades so they are all pretty much ready.  Having a couple of them ready at any times means that if one gets dull it won't be a fuss, or not right away.  I have to soak the stones for about an half hour first.  I don't really feel like doing it, but as my grandfather might have said, feelings have nothing to do with it.  So...

I am honestly not sure how well shaving with these will work out.  I will give it a month or two.  I may need breaks in there, if I cut myself a bit too much.  I just don't quite know.  Last time I tried this it was a horrible week or two.  But then they weren't honed.  I'll probably look at YouTube videos, over and over, looking for more insight.  Some of it I won't catch until I do, if you know what I mean.  Between practicing and watching others self-shave, I may catch those little tricks, or pick up on... those little things that are more practical but can't be explained well.  If I get the skill, I will probably shave daily until the skill is set, then just shave every other day or so, at most.  Sometimes I like whiskers, sometimes I don't mind a full or partial beard.  Once the skill is owned, though, I can be less fussy.  It's a bit spooky.  Lots of bloody memories from the past shaving this way.  We'll see.  Ah, but to soak the stones.

Later.

Happy Thanksgiving.

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I am just about to head out.  I will call ahead first.  It looks like the time he wanted to go is the time we will get there.  He should know that, whatever I say, I'm always late.  Bleh.  Still, it works.

As to what to be thankful?  Pretty much everything.  Even the troubles, toils, blisters, and mistakes.  These last have been from doing, growing, and learning.  These, as a fact, are among the greater gifts.  Friends, family, and God are the greatest gifts.  How can a Father be a gift?  He chose, so I am.  Now for me to choose to do something with His choice.  Yeah.  I'm working on it.  Too much gratitude for my mind to make a full accounting.  So I'll just leave it there.  I hope you can find similar.

Just an odd bit, but...  I sometimes get 'dark' elbows.  No matter how often I wash them, that phenomenon comes and goes.  I think I figured it out.  Since I have been moisturizing, that has removed this personal shame.  I guess it had nothing to do with cleanliness after all.  I always perceived that as some sort of failure on my part, or believed it might be perceived as such by others.  Well, it's nice to have one of life's little complexities solved.  Ah, but you should see the rest of the list!  Still, one at a time.  By the time I get a tenth of the list solved I will be right about ready to begin forgetting.  Bleh.  Still...  I'll take what I can get, while I can still gather.

Travel safe if doing so.  Eat well, and enjoy, even if you don't want to enjoy.  Later.

I am always amazed.

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A bit of help and... the place is tops.  It always surprises me how fast work gets done.  The rug under the table is gone.  With great pleasure, after it was removed, I took that outside.  I hope it fits the trash bin next trash cycle.  There is still a carpet in the kitchen, but over near the sewing machine.  That I can work with.  Between my piddling attempts and their work, the place looks solid.  They did more in a few hours than I did in the time between learning they would be arriving, and their arrival.  Further, while the ladies were cleaning, the Mr and myself finally got that wall television mount up, put the patio furniture in the garage, and worked on the driveway.  Look, no matter how men try, with cleaning we are more underfoot than a help, especially in tighter quarters.  Oh, he looked over the faucet.  That piece I thought had been missing was simply not a piece that fit in anywhere.  He too could not get it to work.  So... I'll be sending that in.  I've given up on trying to make it work.

I am beat though.  Between what I did last week, and then this week, I could use a short breather.  So a short breather I will have.  Next week I am hoping to wet vac the living room.  This time I know right were those clear rug runners are, so that I don't have to walk on wet carpeting.  I found the old, too, so I have plenty.  There are little things I could do between then and now, as well.  Not today, mind you.  I went to bed so late.  Fired up from a longer run I just couldn't quite go down.  I tried a bit of a cheater, to no good effect.  Hitting it about 2:00.  I set the alarm for 10:00, I think. Waking well and solidly at 7:40 and change, I turned off the alarm and just got up.

The beast and the... not harlot.

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Yeah, I get it.  I have worked at this and that.  I have tried to run, scare, push, and shove my way to... freedom.  I did the same with God.  God was persistent, I don't know about her.  It's not even so much that I am thinking of getting in the trap.  While sometimes I realize the ball is in my court, I know that isn't... exactly true.  What I see bothers me.  Oh, these are a bit tough too.  So, go away should you be delicate.  Uhrm, especially that kind of delicate.  *wink*  Though... congrats if so.

Ah! Okay.

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Today is the day people are coming by to help with the house, tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  Usually when I am doing as well as I have been, tracking things isn't a problem.  My difficulty this time was that I became confused right from the start, thinking the cleaning day came after Thanksgiving.  Yeah, yeah.  And once I get something mistakenly stuck in my craw like that, well, my mind trips and stumbles over itself to make the incorrect idea right even though it isn't.  I can become blind to realities until they land right square in writing somewhere.  So... I best get ready, they will be arriving shortly.

I have taken care of the laundry.  Now I need to finish the dishes, take a shower, and... whatever else I can get done.  I had hoped for another evening and morning to do more, but that isn't how it goes always.  Fine, I'll just have to... deal with my lowered output.  I best get to it.  Later.

Had to have that nap.

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You know though, I was probably right.  If I had slept on to when I had originally set the alarm, I would have overslept.  Actually, I did even going back in to sleep.  No worries though.  Having rewashed the dishes and set the laundry to wash, waking 40 minutes late wasn't much of an issue.  The dishes are in a hot soak now, the laundry is drying.  I haven't messed with the faucet yet.  Though I am still ahead of the game.  I honestly didn't think I would get to anything this morning to be perfectly honest.

I wasn't sure if my friend would call.  He still hasn't.  The meal might not be until later.  I'll give him a call shortly.  If it isn't until early afternoon, I might yet get to the sink and break down the boxes.  This evening I am hoping to finish clearing the hallway, sweep, and clean the bathroom.  Who knows, though, really.  Sometimes I get distracted on other things.  Much to do and little time, so I am trying to focus on specific whole tasks rather than just doing bits and pieces.  That last always leads immediately to nowhere, if... it isn't all bad.

Laundry is about done, so I'll go mess with that, then hit the dishes.  Later.

Oh, and happy Thanksgiving.  I hope most of you got your work done already, or are traveling safely. 

Well, that's different.

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Having gone to bed at midnight, and change, I set the alarm for 9:00.  Even then I was hoping I would wake at that alarm.  I must have consumed more coffee than usual, as I woke two previous times to use the restroom.  That didn't effect sleep, or when I went to sleep.  That was based on when I completed some tasks, and to a degree, those tasks were based on how long the dryer took, and needing a break between this and that.  I woke, just a bit ago, at 7:00, almost exactly.

I won't say that I am comfortably awake.  And yet I have a feeling that if I slept to the alarm, I might not wake well.  I reset the dishes for another wash, actually.  I didn't like the feel of them after the wash last night.  The cutting board, I think, introduced a bunch of fat from the corned beef au jus.  I rinsed it well in very hot water before adding to the wash water, but... that stuff is pretty rich.  I am about to start a load of laundry, being that it is early enough, I think, to see that through.

I did wash the dishes, as I suggested, last night.  And I got all of the laundry I dried, and some other that had been left dry, arranged and put up.  Not too bad, really.  I may go in and sleep a little longer, with those two things started.  I won't feel so bad if I overshoot a bit, and I will already have a start to the morning going when I wake.  Yeah, a little more sleep?  I don't know...  After I set the laundry I will consider it.  I hate decisions when I'm not quite awake enough to make them well.  Later.

More done but running late.

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I might hit the dishes, I have finished the first load of laundry but won't be putting another in tonight, and I have done a bunch of other little things.  Little things have to be done before big things, to make room, as an ordered event, or for whatever reason.  So many little things.  Just a half dozen big things, it's just figuring how to work through to them.  I'm not tired, or sore, just done, somehow.  Dishes, actually, and putting up laundry.  But other than that, I have done what I can.

I am not sure when my friend wants to go.  Perhaps the place is only open a few hours.  I simply don't know.  I'll keep the phone close enough to hear it.  I suspect, or hope, he calls earlier.  I should have called and requested that.  I know, if he remembers who he is dealing with, he will call.  I'll set my alarm for a reasonable hour.  And if I can't wake then, I'll reset it rather than turn it off.  If I am awake enough to know what I am doing when fiddling with it, mind you.

I am hoping to wake early enough to wake well, then tinker with the faucet.  Perhaps even installing it if all works out.  The afternoon will see what it sees.  I would like to break the cardboard down, too, and take it into town.  They might not be open, but having a load of flattened cardboard in the back isn't a problem of any sort.  I can get that in Friday, perhaps, while I do minor shopping.  Milk and cream, as usual.  And, if warm enough, perhaps a day of shooting.  My friend would like to go tomorrow, but with assistance arriving, I want to work until they arrive, for as little as that might mean in real terms, it means a lot to me.  Incentives being used to generate function.  I do when I can.

Good night.

More time than I thought!

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I was thinking the help would be arriving tomorrow.  No, not on Thanksgiving!  When you live so detached from the loop that you don't even notice weekends without checking some external device, holidays are a bear to track.  On the good side, it means I have more time to tinker.  I do have an afternoon meal to attend tomorrow, but I can work, perhaps, before that.  I can definitely work after that.  Which is quite good.  Every task I start usually requires other tasks to be done first, during, or after.  Nothing is quite as linear as it looks on paper.  The extra day is exciting.  I have a little internal bet going on.  Winning is worth it.

I have been working in spits and bursts.  While I am able to be up, I try to do several things.  Quickly, quickly!  Before the hammer drops and I must sit.  In the last burst, I put a load of laundry into the dryer, set up a load of dishes, policed the living room, took some stores to the basement, and even scratched the very tip of the surface in the kitchen, tossing some things that needed going.  I won't put another load of laundry in until this load dries.  I'm sort of doing laundry in such a way that I don't overload and end up leaving laundry untended.  I am rewashing some things that were too wrinkled from last time as well.  Towels and underwear I don't care about, or t-shirts.  But real shirts, jeans, and pants get way too messed up. 

Before the night is through I am hoping to have two more good work events, two loads of laundry, and the dishes done.  As well, perhaps clean the bathroom, and get it ready for sweeping tomorrow.  It's a race to get as much done as possible, on my own.  Hmm... there was something else, several things, I was hoping to get done today.  Yeah, well, maybe not those.  Maybe not even what I hope to do.  We'll see. 

Later.

Getting to some of it.

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I doubt if I will get as much done as I had hoped.  I am not giving up hope, mind you.  I did a reasonable little set of tasks this morning.  I then had lunch and am allowing that to be negotiated in the engine.  A bad heart means even digestion is often a little pokey.  I think a cup of coffee, and a look around while doing that, then another round of efforts in the afternoon.  There is some hope that beside this afternoon, that I might wake early enough to hit it again in the morning.  Oh, I could just leave it, but that isn't my nature.  Just the threat of receiving help makes me want to put in more effort.  We will see.

I do believe I will hit some laundry, I might put a load in while fixing my coffee.  While I have cleaned the sink, mostly, I might first see if the extra piece I found will make the device work.  If so, I might hit that as my next thing.  If not, I will continue with minor policing, putting bits and pieces and parts where they go, more or less.  I am hoping to hit the bathroom hard, and sweep most floors, and mop at least the bathroom, before the day is through.  Anything else that goes forward will be pure luck.  Even getting these things all arranged will be... a bit of luck.  All good. 

Oh, and a load of dishes.  I just ordered a couple of batches of containers.  I prefer to wash everything new, and there are a few odds and ends that could go in as well.  Should just require a single wash though, so...  Ah, right, and those glasses I purchased some time ago.  I never did get those washed and either put up or stored.  Glass containers, while okay, don't quite work as I had hoped for just me.  They don't stack well, they are round not square, they aren't quite convenient sizes... things you have to learn as you go.  They were, at least, rather inexpensive.  And they are the hardened glass that can go from freezer to oven, at least with some time to thaw completely and come to room temp.  They might be better for some things, prepared meals for two or three people as an example, so I won't be disposing of them, simply putting them in storage.  I also purchased metal measuring cups and spoons, and a couple of very small (2 and 5 ounce) measuring cups (glasses, really).  Yeah, I like my kitchen gear...  Foodie and kitchen prep nerd/fanboy.  Whatever.  But I use them, so...

Yes, yes, coffee.  The house doesn't seemed to have warmed.  It must be really chilly out there.  Might sneak in a shower after dishes, or before, then bundle a bit warmer.  Later.

Late was the hour.

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I did go to bed late.  I was trying to fight through to get things done.  I was slow to get another brisket, corned beef type, going as well.  But that wasn't the real problem.  I think weather blew in last night and put a damper on things.  I did wake at 7:00, the 8:30, but couldn't actually get out of bed until about 11:00 or noon?  I haven't worn myself out working, so I think it was just the cold spell.  It feels chilly even now.  Hmm, I'll turn the heat up and bundle a bit.  On down days, this is how I like it.  On days I am trying to work, this simply doesn't do.  I did do some things yesterday, but not nearly as much as I had hoped.  I will hit things today, harder, if I can. 

Some snow is down, and sticking.  I wouldn't call it a real storm, not yet anyway.  I have heard that up to an inch or two could fall in the valleys.  I don't know if what is down is what of that snow that remains or if more is on the way.  While I am at things today, I may start the snow blower and let it run for a bit.  I'll check the oil and gas, while I am at it.  I meant to do that a while ago.  Yeah, I meant to do a lot of things a while ago.  And I mean to do it today, too.  *grin*  We'll see.

I might, while heating the cave, light up something for lunch.  I've got to tell you, corned beef, potatoes, carrots, and cabbage is a small delight.  It is so easy to make too.  Big pot, cold water, 50 minutes per pound, add potatoes and carrots with an hour left, and cabbage with about an half hour left to cook.  The cabbage won't quite be done, so I turn off the heat and remove the pot from the heated spot as well, and give it about 20 more minutes.  Easy.  I don't even always add the spice mix that comes with the corned beef.  I like it either way, but I don't always favor the crunchy bits.  I suppose I could make a spice poultice, with a number of materials, but... well...  I don't.  Keeping those things fresh, and on hand, is a bit of a task.

My meals have been pretty good lately.  Home done, garden goods, and such.  I've got to tell you, that is true fine dining.  Oh, I've eaten at places where a plate is $100, back when a $100 was a full $50, not the $20 it is today.  :p  I have eaten rarefied, I have particular, I have eaten custom and special.  Nothing is as good as home grown, home cooked, at it's best.  If a woman likes a man, she will learn this thing.  If I could find a woman who would do the odds and ends around it, I would cook just as such, at least part of the time.  Which reminds me, now that I have a place to buy spice as I prefer it, I need to begin stocking on those spices.  Still, it's good to have real food come in, from time to time.  When cooking for myself, for the most part, vegetables are a forgotten thing.  Unless they can all go in the pot, assuming I remember to buy them, and that they are fresh enough to use.  Bleh.

Well... lunch and my plan.  Hopefully a good lot of work today.  Later.

Still there.

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Ammonia was good.  Cleared the head a bit.  One pain relieves another, or so they say.  Cleared but not cleaned.  Some things shouldn't be cleaned, the process introduces more impurities than it removes.  Some things, while not native, are natural and good as well.  And, so, something remains.

Never sure.

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Anger.  Okay.  I am used to that.  But... was it because of what I said, what I meant, or a misunderstanding?  Trust me, I deal with this so often, and from so many people, that figuring it out is a major hobby.  At one time it was meant as such.  Once I realized that more often than not even my most plain discussions were misunderstood, I decided to just enjoy it.  As I came to a better understanding of Father, I chose a different path in that particular neck of the woods.  Oh, sure, from time to time, I... play.  My game, in this area, to the best of my ability, is mild, and inclusive, humor in these days.  Still, it remains that when I say ten words, there are many meanings.  I cannot change that.  A part of my nature, lacking hubris or ill intent, as always actually.  As I said, being misunderstood was native, what I did with that was my choice.

In any case, the anger I encountered was from unexpected country.  I suspect something of a musical varietal upset some balance of notions.  I, as a whole, came into question.  Now, I could not be certain of which part caused the problem.  It is odd, for as... strangely natured as women are, should I be discussing something pertaining to their goals in life, they understand me almost immediately.  Manfolk... balk.  Women know things, and as a general rule go places that men never consider.  Even if given short shrift notice, men would not linger long in some places of the feminine.  Can't, won't, both?  I, unlike many of my brothers, can just as easily dance in a lady's arena as I can in man's.  I fear not these things, and enjoy them immensely.  While dismissive of women if they enter a man's domain, I am not wholly, or at all really, dismissive of women.  In some ways, I regard them as remarkable.  However, as with a horse in water, or a shark on land, there are places where they are, and should be to themselves, fully out of their element.  Even with my understandings, I give ladies room when requested or required.  And should I breech such, I do so humbly. 

In any case, I think he now understands.  Whether through further contemplation, additional material, or banter with her, he now seems quite pleased.  Oh, worry not.  I am, and will be, as I am, regardless of support or detraction.  A cursed blessing, or blessed curse, as with much of my nature, I can never be certain.  I humbly suggest I am merely attempting to wear my Father's shoes, as... silly as that notion is in truth, it is not without some merit and handsome young strength.  It simply is what it is.  However, for some, I prefer agreement.  Support is even better.  And so it was, after a time.  Yes, I really can see into the dark, into the soul, into the mind.  An artifact of survival, a whim of my very unique nature, a truth to one day be owned by all.  Passing through the fire, into the light, and on to grace.  For those who will bear this, they will know as I do, probably more surely.  A time of peace forevermore, for those who choose the price of the grace, will be known for it.

Ah... blathering.  Satisfied with... how events have ended on this account to date.  Good night.

Down early, up late anyway?

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Yep.  I was in bed just after 22:00.  I slept well.  I did dream.  What I remember is a recurring dream, where over and over, I was trapped in a time loop.  I knew I was in it, but couldn't quite figure out how to break it.  One end of the loop was an ancient life of mine, during a particularly nasty war.  The other end was to modern days.  The loop may not have been mind to alter.  I dreamed that dream at least three or four times throughout the night.  It was sort of a longish dream, too, as dreams go.  The warfare didn't bug me, actually these days bother me more.  Being as ill as I can be.

I set the alarm for 6:00, since I was in bed so early.  I did hear it and woke.  I turned it off thinking I was up, basically.  Another version of that dream, and some time later, and I went to roll out.  I thought it had just been a snap sleep, with that dream being short.  Whatever about the dream, but then I noticed light.  Yeah, no, not a snap sleep.  It was 8:30 when I kicked out.  Must have needed it,  I suppose.  I hate when that happens.  I was sure I was simply going to turn off the alarm, roll over, then roll out.  My body rarely tricks me like that.  There are times when I don't remember turning off the alarm, there are times where I do remember but decide, or realize, that I can't wake.  But very rarely do my compliments of mind and body trick each other or get baffled like that.  Irritating.  Meh, I'll live.

I've been slathering the goo on, at night, in the morning, after showering.  It will still take a while to recover.  I do wonder about my soap though.  It might be exceptionally drying.  I love liquid soap though.  And using a spray bottle to apply it means very little waste.  I thought that might be too cold in the winter, but I just spray it into my hands, create a lather there, than apply it, and that has worked perfectly.  I may need to find some other soap, liquid or not, that is heavily fatted, and use them in some sort of rotation when I shower more often.  Zero fat soap might just be too much, especially during really dry parts of the year.  Something I am noticing is that, when my skin is more moist it holds heat in better.  Or... that is how it seems.  Hmm, how about this... it seems to regulate my body heat better?  Yeah, that is what I am thinking.  I'll keep an eye on things, and give a better review of my thoughts, observations, when they are more fully developed.

Hmm?  Today?  I don't know.  I did get some of that all done yesterday.  And I think I can get to some more and go on with today's list.  But I have no clue at this moment.  Essentially, I just woke up.  My first coffee is not finished.  I'll... get there, and probably shortly.  In spite of oversleeping I am feeling good.  Hmm, might turn the furnace up just a touch though too.  That seems to help.  I sleep in my cold room wonderfully, but need just a touch of heat in the day.  Creaky bones and sore muscles result from trying to move and work in too much cold.

Later.

Ammonia.

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Palate cleansing, boys and girls. Love, and the feminine, is something your humble writer truly enjoys.  Traveling the thoughts of women of various natures was... interesting.  Refreshing perhaps.  Even a little threatening.  I have a taste for each, so all good.  Always curious, and hungry, if cautious these days.  Only in recent years have I even been able to allow for it again.  There is some hope that I may even bow to the potential of negotiating with it.  Right in my own cave.  Learning from it, through it, as I learn to command and be commanded by it.  But it is not what I am.  A piece here, a part there.  Strong enough to endure it, even embrace it, but never be it.  No.  And so I clear the psychic nostrils so that the oblations that only come from the son may go to the Father.  These too are good, and sweet in their own ways.  What I am, I share.  Go away you who are weak.  If you have psychic allergies or asthma, the following is not for you.

How about them apples?

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Oh, sure, later in the day.  It seemed like time to get to something.  Oh, nothing much, or fancy, just a bit of housekeeping.  The last time help arrived for that the place was terrible.  I mean for that not to be the case, or at least not as bad.  I honestly couldn't get to it last time, not much.  This time I am hoping to use that as a springboard.  More so now that I have caught my breath.  Boxes and packaging that had stacked up have been sorted and moved, some of it broken down, some more to go.  There are a number of areas and plans from the past I think I can get through yet today.  Perhaps all of the boxes, clearing the entry hallway, trash and recycling, and figuring out or just dumping and cleaning one of the litter boxes that is... a problem.  I've dug through it with the rake-shovel the last few days but can find no incriminating bits.  Then a bit more each day on to, and maybe after, help rumbles through the cave.

Each day I hope to get a bit more done.  And, while I am taking things to the garage, perhaps hit that a bit at a time as well.  I don't know what I will hit, exactly, tomorrow.  Probably the kitchen and bathroom floors.  Oh, and maybe finally putting the faucet back together with the piece I found, seeing if that works, and if so, then reinstalling that.  And finally a general cleaning of the bathroom.  That would be enough to satisfy.  Toss in a load or two of laundry, and putting up the patio furniture, and I think I could call it a day.

Tuesday would be just a general policing.  Anything that might not be fit for company would be put away.  Oh, no, I don't have girly magazines around or such.  But my swords and firearms, mostly, would be put up.  And anything men have no problem with but are not really for women.  I can't think of anything else offhand, but I'll look with that in mind as I go about the place.  Well... a bit of music, then back to it.  Later.

Ah, the seventh day.

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While many of my days have seen me more exhausted than if I had just worked six days, so am ready for a day off, this week I actually, considering all, did enough work that this Sunday feels like a truly deserved day of rest.  And, if I can make it so, it will be.  It isn't always possible, sometimes one's ass could get stuck in a hole.  It seems that qualifies an allowance for work on the prescribed day of rest.  Christ rose on Sunday. 

Sometimes, how God had things written, and what happened, I am most astutely aware of His sense of mild humor.  Putting odd two and two's together sometimes yields a little humor in there.  Some wires cross, an ignition takes place, eyebrows lift, and...  I can all but hear Him and Christ discussing it in heaven...  "Oh, did you see that one's expression?  Yeah, I thought he was going to explode!"  The first time I put the above together, my eyebrows did about knit.  I wanted to refuse... the connection... but failed.  I didn't want to laugh, seemed profane.  I was just a lad, mind you, not even in highschool.  But the laugh eventually roared out of me. 

I went years before I dared share it.  Even now I only do so with some caution.  Many are so intent on God being just in this little box that they forget He really is our Father.  The best of what we are, He not only knows but Is.  Vengeful, fearful, angry, but loving, joyous, laughing, too.  Much as our father in our homes.  I always had a fearful respect.  But if I would approach, it might be better to enter with a touch of well placed humor.  A gift before requesting a boon, a present to bring about a pleasant shift of attention, a chuckle to start a debate.  I quite think God is similar.  Not a master, other than as His duty, but a Father.

I do need rest today.  I doubt if I will be leaving my chair much.  Not from a lack of will.  As with Friday, there wasn't a way out of my chair.  I am not truly wiped out.  I feel really good.  Some minor aches as I wake.  I am going to have to say, at this point and thinking back on it, it probably isn't the new pillows.  Half of my mornings see some aches and pains, usually dissipating within an hour or two.  Usually mild, though sometimes, rarely, rather wicked.  It's the number of summers I have seen.  And, actually, I am probably in excellent shape that way, all considered, and compared with my contemporaries.  Still, regardless of how I feel, I do believe the mechanisms are worn.  Still, it is good to have that minor sense that I have earned my way to the dessert that Sunday was always meant to be.

I am not sure when I went to bed.  I had forgotten to set the alarm, but woke right at 7:00 anyway.  All very good.  On to... something.  Good day.