Some one... said something.

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I wasn't sure I wanted to go with them, with that.

But... fine.

The patterns.

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It isn't all about me.  Had to ponder this one.  I figured it was to be about me.  In a way, it is.  In a way, it isn't.  The women I have known.  The youngest of them?  Has aged out of viability.  The oldest, last I knew, was still alive.  Women really don't age well, at all.  They start out as on top of the world as they can get.  Men start out as dogs, and generally get better.  Even if terminally ill, if unable to die.

Oh, yes.  Was someone saying something with this?  Is one of them dead, or dying?  I don't know.  Or... is it just a thought, from out there?  I can't say.  Just that it caught me off, I looked, and I saw.

Someone seems to... see... remember.

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It was definitely her.  The first one I saw from over there.  She terrified me so deeply I forgot her.  I was busy dying myself, as well.  So, it was more complicated than... just that.  Death frightened me, not just hers, mine too.  Plus... all else involved.  I ran from her, and her memory, as far as I could.  It... wasn't far enough.

Yes, someone knows what I discus.  Did they know she was the first?

She certainly is chirping.

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Fairly loudly for such a petite little thing.  

Wow.  Okay.  Nice.

Why the feminine.

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I have been being plagued by the feminine.  Oh, not a terrible thing, really.  I've certainly been plagued by more terrible things.  Still, I had to ask myself why.  I have been considering the problem for a while now.

No, witches have no power here.  Save any allowances I might grant.  Granted as sisters, mothers, daughters, not as dark practitioners.  I can shut down darkness easily, and do.  I think even they know it.  Not a grace, the price of... being... a certain sort.

So very strange.

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Cold.  At 63 indoors, in the main of the house?  That's... beyond cool.  I had to, finally, check the temperature outside.  Oh, maybe an hour ago now?  But things seem stable, at the indoor temps.  The outdoors read 31.  Wow.  Being Jun 18, and to drop below freezing?  That's... different.  I did sort of suggest it.  I just don't always believe.  When I play a certain song, it's... what I mean.  Even when I don't believe, or otherwise say.  Why?  Because it seems so silly to predict cold, right as it is hitting 90.  *grins*  I guess... you never can tell?

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Some things popped, seemed to... be responses?  You decide.  As with the weather, I can't ever be certain, if I can see and say?  Show?

Women.

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Truth be told, a woman.  Not sure... if that had something to do with the post before, or... if that was something else.  Of this, this time, I am certain.  Her.  My first real go.  Everything reads as is from her, about her.  Timed back to our time, place.

Why or how?  What does she want?  Is it her haunting me, or me not letting go.  I'll never be certain.  I just know, finally, I don't mind.  Not a horror anymore.  More just... saying hello, I love you.  See you soon, perhaps?  We... won't be together, that way.  But we... it is hoped... will be very good friends.  More?  Maybe.  Marriage doesn't last to heaven.  It isn't like that, give or take.  Even if we wanted it that way.  Christ wasn't absolutely clear.  But... He... was sure certain about the ambiguity.

Oh, right, still awake.

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Mostly.  Spots of dreams, visions.  No, I don't use drugs.  Never did.  Oh, I have tried a few things.  Not my gig.  I've probably tried two, or three things, singularly, in my life.  Just... wasn't worth the risk, as I saw things.  Plus the cost.  I was always poor, on the poorer side.  Knew what it would take, cost.  Not interested.

So, no.  These things aren't from those things.

I thought she had stopped watching long ago.

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Well, then, I did shut the doors for a longish time.  Tried to get people to go away.  Some have returned.  From... the responses, I suspect she is back.  Though... who can ever tell.  Could she remain "quiet"?  Yes, and... from the responses... no.  Some are old, very old, some newer, some are brand new, to me.

Midnight music?

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Something.  Enjoy... or split.

Okay, learning.

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It was around 16:30~17:30 when I needed to hit the air, for real.  Before then it had been on a higher temp, and on energy saver, from earlier midafternoon.  It stayed around 72 in the main, but this front room is up to 79/81 near the machine?  It doesn't feel like it.  And, is pleasant, after too much time in the cool?  Odd, but I'll take it.

Upstairs is 79.  I just started the ac up there.  Hoping to be to bed in an hour or two.  Should be cool enough by then.  And, anyway, will turn off the ac and open the windows...  Some of them.  Should be just fine.

As well, outside it just hit 66.  So I have opened everything up and turned off the ac.  Even while the pork roast and chicken finishes.  That should work out just fine.  Life is pleasant.  I am getting better.

Not exactly sure how it is done.

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Video pops.  New, old, different.  Poignant, at least to my eyes.

A visitor.  She says things, but... only from a safe distance.  Years, and miles.  But I know who.  I know her.  I still think of her.  And know, from these things, she still thinks of me.  How strange, women.  I'd like to believe the women I have known have been of the odder sort.  But I... don't think that is true.  I have just known a lot of them.  A types, and others.  But this one... was... different.

Drifted.

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Almost lost time.  Realized I was doing nothing quickly, so got to chores.  It is still right at 92.  But it is a much comfortable heat.  The hygrometer is still reading 37, inside.  But that may just be a holdover, as I think it is drying... at least outside.  It may take a day or two to clear the house.

Chores were finished.  Rabbits are looking good, and seem to be doing well.  I didn't put the bottles out, may do that later.  Next I had hoped to shower and shave, but I will hold off.  Chores took my legs out from under me.  Not terribly, just... enough.  So, instead, I'll work on flash cards.  Just until I am ready to shower and shave... a couple of hours at most?

Hmm, maybe a sandwich, before going up.  Nothing fancy, just a few slices of ham, a slice or two of cheese, mayo, and mustard.  Sometimes I go with the stone ground mustard, sometimes just the yellow stuff from when I was a kid.  Much difference?  Who really knows.

Never did get to sleep.

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I... just sat here.  I had things I wanted to do.  Plans, even, of what to start, how to get to things.  I went through hunger, a few times.  I had a kefir or two.  Some perrier.  Maybe a handful of nuts, pecans I think.  I... tried to game.  I just couldn't stay awake... interested.

I think I mostly just... looked and listened to the internet offerings.  Still hurt, but if I didn't move, I could forget, for a while.  It has to be nearing bedtime?  The temp, outside, is around 68... if I read correctly.  Cooler than inside, but it has been that since... that one post, where I suggested it was 74 out there.

I did get caught up on medicine, finally.  Yes, I missed my catchup from yesterday, by forgetting to take the final bedtime medicine, as I had the day before.  Not today.  Oh, and... I thought I had missed some of the things being dug up or inferred.  I won't play them all, but... an interesting mix.

Probably just an old fan, kicking around, looking for something, sensing something.  But they made sense to me.  Not... just for, or about, me.  Yea, sure, there is some of that.  But they seem to be putting together a notion of their own, possibly having nothing to do with me at all?  Who knows.  I just... recognized patterns, and felt... something was being... explored.  Perhaps my notes on the topic, and figuring it more surely through the music.  Doesn't mean they agree, or disagree.  Only... maybe... looking the story over?  I... I really don't every know for sure.  Could just be the ai spitting out really old, odd, or... something... music.  Still, it makes a sort of sense to me.  

Here you go, with some of them.  Later.

So very tired.

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I had hoped to get to a few things.  I just can't.  I did warm up some of the 'kraut and sausage left from yesterday, poured kefir.  Hoped that might help.  Nope.  It was 55 F outside, last time I looked.  I had the furnace up to 68.  I was initially warm enough but have become cold.

I want to sleep.  May.  I would like to fry a few eggs, bacon too.  But, no.  I... just can't stand.  So very tired, cold, weary.  Hurt?  Not on the surface.  Down below, pain returns.  When it is deeper in, not easily felt, it goes more to weariness or sleepiness.  Parts of the body shut down, so I don't feel them.  That somehow makes me tired.

Oh... music that showed... probably from... what was read yesterday.  I don't know what all he read, I do know... he read some things and didn't want to read what was read.  One part he read regarded the stigmata... problem... I once had.  I think she was an atheist.  She... saw the wounds.  But turned her head and would not look.  I even left it open, that they might be some... part... from a bad heart, or kidney failure, or... she... just stopped looking and would look no more.  She only said there is no medical cause of which she was aware.  While devotedly avoiding looking until I removed the wounds from her sight.

I only remember the conversation.  I have no idea what she wrote about this conversation, if anything.  Since it wasn't, to her mind, medical.  And because she has no faith and doesn't believe in... that which isn't "scientific", she may well have written nothing.  They fear far more than they accuse us of fearing.  Far more.

What else could he have read in there.  She wrote rather plainly, usually.  Using abbreviations and such, but usually saving what was in there already...  sort of like commenting, say, on heart failure, but then referring to it as h.f.  Though did all of them do that?  Some things, to, from back in 2013.  Since that wouldn't have been a part of what was sent to ssa, it must have been things she looked up?  

What did he read.  He didn't... like what he read.  He didn't discuss much of what he read.  He saw the heart and some other problems.  Even as a lawyer, if especially one who works with disabilities, seeing some of the things would show that I really shouldn't be alive.  That doesn't matter though.  There are other things in there, things he spoke about, must mostly things he didn't.  He... was... surprised.  He was upset.  He wanted nothing to do with what was in there, or me.

And... music.  Showing up.  Posts being visited, old songs popping.  A new one, two?  Someone is looking.  I... suspect who.  Play?  Sure, some.  Later.

Hmm? Fie.

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I was looking as I was getting ready.

Pain.

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In my face, intense.  Broken.  Ribs, stomach, innards, left hand...  Just those areas... wait... elbows?  As if I had slept against their bends, but didn't.  Yes, even the elbows... sprung?  Now, for being such a small area, and limited things that hurt, they all hurt worse than they hurt anywhere along the path to recovery.  If, too, I think initially I had so much pain that my mind couldn't hear it all, or hear it as loudly as it was being pronounced.  NOW I CAN HEAR.

Oh, my backbone, too, literally.  It feels as if it was cracked.  As with ribs.

The left hand is not going to be able to do much.  No, not today.

I half dreamed she visited, the one who died.  She had questions.  Where was I?  I don't know.  I don't remember.  I explained that I can't remember much.  I don't think I was at sea though.  I just don't know.  Her parents, of course, didn't much care for me... us...  They may simply not have contacted me.  Or, the Navy had me on a non-mission mission, or moved me, or... had lost track of me themselves.  It... happened other times, for other people trying to reach me.  Ask my mom.  They tracked me down for her every year I was in, but only did it once a year, so...  yea.

I told her I am still not sure she was real.  It seemed to hurt her, but then I think she... understood better than most... from wherever she is.  Oddly, she flowed over with sympathy, which I asked her not to do.  But I think my situation made her sadder than she had been.  She was still her old age, I could tell.  Her voice, couldn't see her.  Probably just a dream, but had quite a conversation.  If she was real, she did ask if I remembered she was from Florida.  I had, I think I may have mentioned it here?  Anyway... it was... a different dream... or whatever.

Things to do today.  Really got to hit some things.  Can't do much, or physical, must be ready for tomorrow.  Ugh.  Later.
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Someone already knew.  They had left this as a viewed post before I woke.  It was in the "now" section, so had been viewed just an hour or two ago, at the most.  Someone definitely sees.  More than...

She cheats.

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How does she do that?  She... just... catches me off guard, from time to time.

A visitor, of sorts.

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Just her, again.  I don't think she meant to... disturb.  She was just looking at things, strobing my cortex but for her own reasons, exploring her feelings.  But, I... caught a scent of something, so went looking.

And found what was strolling my mind.  Her.  Definitely.

She keeps at it.

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She likes causing problems.  She is good at it.  I... know why she sticks with me.