.
Mostly. Spots of dreams, visions. No, I don't use drugs.
Never did. Oh, I have tried a few things. Not my gig. I've
probably tried two, or three things, singularly, in my life. Just...
wasn't worth the risk, as I saw things. Plus the cost. I was
always poor, on the poorer side. Knew what it would take, cost.
Not interested.
More vids. This time, just regarding the main storyline, if on parallel
tracks?
When I went to Burning Man, there was a time when I was talking with a group
of fellows there. Sitting around a small umbrella table, if not all that close to it or each other. A woman came over, stoned, flirting. I am looking for a wife, not... just a woman.
Even then. In any case, she ended up on my lap. And gifted me a
Burning Man memorial necklace, from years past, with a skull and
crossbones. Lovely little thing... both... really.
This... reminds me greatly of that. I think people know. Even when
they couldn't. Certain, some, things. I was embarrassed,
quietly. But quite pleased. It is... nice to be crowned the most
desirable, even by a woman lost to direct thought. Maybe more so?
Dunno, but... something.
This one? Reminded me of... another place, at the same time in
time? It was right around that time when the then pope was chased out of
Rome by the mobs. Ended up in France, if I... forget where
precisely. You... will forgive? It's been a while.
There is more there. Telling stories, rhyming myth and
compliments. And more recent yesteryears for older ones. The
ancients don't even account for such, but their children do. Or... so I
suggest. Well, and just enjoying time... with a fine filly. Oh... but... she'll... eventually make a fine night mare? *grins*
Someone seems to suggest I may... have... problems?
Absolutely. Just... not those problems, or... the way it is suggested.
Nor even this way. Closer, but just the opposite. As I have
said? If you are Tyler Durden? You always were. Oh... I
attempted to be the Narrator. Much as Superman tried to be Clark
Kent. In comic books and movies, they can make it look like it's
possible. It... isn't. It might work for a short bit, but it
requires intellectual and mechanical gymnastics beyond imagination, and will
fail. Heck, Clark might even grab a piano about to kill people.
And stop it. You never know.
No... I am not possessed. Nor am I confused about who I am. Nor am
I evil, if I... probably was born that way. It seems, even the evil
immaculate will get their chance, before they are ended finally. It's
the way of it. Evil isn't an act, or way, really. It is merely that which is without God. Whether by choice, or before understand and then choice, is the only question. Men have their days, angels were given once. Their spawn? God only knows, for certain. Believe as you will, I do.
Oh... and... thinking of her. Not sure if these are just random
pops. But I enjoyed them. Oh, don't worry. As I have
said. Just stories. Grain of salt, deep breath, and on with your
life. You'll forget you ever heard of me in 3, 2, ...? If you wish
it.
Ok, dammit, you got me. Tonight vid.
ReplyDeleteFirst wife. Whirlwind romance, emotional rollercoster going to sea and coming back. Goodbye, hello, welcome. Gone weeks/ months, The first year I spent 3mo. with her. Then we went into drydock in Bremerton. With me home everyday... we found out we just couldn't live with each other. No kids, no assets, no problem, Do-it yourself divorce kit. We kept in touch off and on, both remarried (she didn't talk of him much, I imagine their relationship was tumultuous in a bad way, they weren't together very long) met up a couple times (we were so funny together, cheeks hurting from laughter, begging each other not to make us laugh) Current wife agreed to meet her once. Asked me"why don't you laugh like that with me?" Before I could think, I told the truth "because you're not funny." So I got that going for me.
Vicki had colon cancer that spread to her liver, she passed away a few years ago, just a week or so before my father passed of the same thing.
I don't think of her everyday anymore, but there's not a week that goes by... I wish she would haunt me from time to time... Then again, she'll haunt my memories till I die.
Cried myself into a bloody nose, as I typed this. Tears falling onto my glasses, can't see. How pathetic.
Playlist :
"What I like about you" The Romantics
"Angel eyes" Jeff Healey band
"I'll be there for you" Bon Jovi
"You shook me all night long" AC/DC
"Open Arms" Journey
"Veteran of the Psychic wars" Blue Oyster Cult (this one is mine, divorce, we shared the others)
"The Flame" Cheap Trick
"Living on a prayer" Bon Jovi... One of our last e-mails she mentioned stopping Chemo and now she'd be living on a prayer.
Sorry so long, I'm in a mood and needed to twist the knife in my heart.
Mission Accomplished
Just re-read my comment, I want to be clear... Vikings don't cry our way to bloody blindness. NO!
ReplyDeleteWe beat our fists against trees and boulders while bellowing (good word, don't use it enough) raw emotion.
Now I must procure some linen to bandage my hands.
I've been living with my ghost girl for... 36 years now. She... does haunt me. And... I don't mind. She died about when my heart and other organs began failing. I didn't remember her until they started treating the bad heart, about ten years ago. Talk about poison coming out of the "fat".
ReplyDeleteI still don't remember everything. Never even did find out, exactly, why she and the kid died. I was in such bad shape, I couldn't fight for it, was already starting to forget much of my life. I spent three years crying, when I remembered. But understood why I had avoided marriage, and fertile women after helping create another seven, but not sticking around. Ugh.
Got the heart cut out of me, two ways from Sunday, then... just became a hollow for a goodly long time. so, yeah.
Hoping to get to the Philippines and/or Argentina, and finding a wife. I just have to get out of my house. Older, but think I might still be able to create a few, and would if possible.
Sorry for your loss. Like them or hate them, it's a bear to live without them. Brats!