Odd things before bed.

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I kept contacting amazon, about pumpkin puree I had ordered.  I contacted the seller, then went on to contact amazon after they wanted a picture of... the missing product?  A, I don't do pictures, b) how... can I photograph what... isn't here?  After going around with them, I contacted amazon.  And... nothing.  So, I went back in today.

They made it so that I could call, and I did.  They tried to get me to accept that it could still be on the way.  But a week late, I don't think so.  Two weeks now?  Time flies when you are working with some folk.  No, I didn't accept that.  So, they gave me a complete refund.  I... would have accepted a partial.  But, okay.  I won't argue this, as much fuss as this has been.

But, I don't want money, I want pumpkin puree.  So, I went looking, found another package, and ordered it.  I think it was a little cheaper, but the same amount, and same brand.  Hopefully a different seller.  This time it was clear how much I am supposed to get, the other was presented in... and odd way.  Will see if this works.

Then I received more information.  Someone is busy, for they are preparing to wed.  Okay.  I wondered why I hadn't seen hide nor hair.  Once... that happens, friends are dead to newly married guys for a while or sometimes forever.  It is just the way it goes.  I wished him well.  He suggested he would see me, but... I know how these things work.  Not a judgement.  Been there done that, or close enough, myself.  Not even begrudging, simply... understanding.

I do hope they have a wonderful life, a marriage that lasts their life, some healthy children, and all the good and bad that goes with it.  I wish them the best.  But, life... marriage is a joyful start to death.  Just understand that.  Death to the nuclear family, to some friendships, to other things, projects, and such.  But a natural and right one.  The world narrows, as it should.

Anyway... I'll... figure some things out.  But... bedtime now.  If with a few more things sorted out.  All good.  Goodnight.

No more food, or insulin.

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Even so, blood sugar is down to 145.  Not perfect, but... given all... not bad.

I'll do a bit more gaming, perhaps tomorrow.  But, it... pretty much looks like I am done.  I could research the Riddler problems, but... why?  I could try to do some of the challenges.  Some might be possible, some just aren't.  I'm not willing to stress too much for a game.

I am surprised I got as far into the game as I did.  I did finish the main part.  And most of the side quests, some of the challenges, and even a number of the racing requirements.  But, it looks to be done?  There is new game plus, but if it does as some games, and gets more difficult?  Not sure I am up for that.  Still, it's... possible, to try to do some lessor things, and fill out the skill trees.  Don't know, may try it just to see.

I had planned to bake another pork roast, but... time was running short.  I figured I'd be heading to bed shortly.  Up a bit longer than planned, but not long enough to have cooked the roast.  So probably a good call.  Now I can sleep when I want, as I am able, and really shortly.

Still a bit rough.  Feels like g.i. discomfort.  While not pleasant, it isn't as bad as what it has been.  Pain killers won't help with this.  Oh, the reason I ordered aspirin, online, is because it costs at least that in the store, plus  this is delivered.  And I read up on how much to take.  The suggestion I read was a single 350 mg tab.  Chewed as I had heard.  But... I would probably go with more.  Two or three, from what I used to hear.  I don't trust more modern medicine.  A lot of their research is bought and paid for.  I suppose, these days, going with one might leave you in worse condition, but leave you in their hands... to help or dispose of at their whims.  Depending on if you are valuable, or have been, to those choosing, or not.  Well, and whether your organs are viable for transplant.  Medicine isn't what it used to be, if it ever really was.

I best take slow acting insulin, and pills?  Crap, I missed those today.  Well, one dose in.  And, another when I wake.  I'll just have to take an extra dose tomorrow.  Always missing out somewhere.  Still, keeping up on kefir, Sassy... feed and litter, my own consumption, and even medicine, mostly, lately.  Gotta miss from time to time, especially when I go downhill for a bit.

Sleep well.  Goodnight.

Well, okay?

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Checked blood sugar.  It was... 164.  I... wasn't expecting that.  Even with the insulin, I suspected it would be 200, 300 maybe, perhaps higher.  I hadn't even anticipated it being the same.  That was a lot of insulin.  If not completely beyond the pale.  A bit more than I would normal choose, for that blood sugar level, and a keto meal.  With a glass of milk, if I was going unketo, or a donut or two, I would have done similar.  Though I may have gone with as little as, say, 8 to 10 cc's.  It... just... I sort of go with my gut, with what I am eating, and how blood sugar has been.

Though, currently, there isn't a trail for blood sugar.  I have only been back on insulin, and testing, the last two days or so.  Still, this is... very good.  If I would, now, like to snack on something, and take a minor dose.  Nothing unketo, such as milk, potato, or even... well?  I am thinking, perhaps, some celery, carrots, and just a dab of peanut butter.  The trick is to not digging into the jar like a fourth grader digging into his nose!  Gold in them thar hills.  :p  A tablespoon,  two?  Two.  And, just... four or five celery sticks (I buy them as shorties) and maybe a dozen baby carrots (sure have gotten small, lately).  That and 10 cc's?  Check.

Well, on to things.  Then back to gaming.  Ugh.  Already 17:22!  Bleh.  I had hoped to be to bed by now.  But there is no way I can sleep.  Oh, but I did get the smoke out, mostly.  And the house is closed back up.  It was 48 out there, but pleasant for it.  Anyway... on to a snack, a bit more insulin, gaming, and... bed when I can.  Good afternoon, day, and most likely (or... not actually) goodnight.

Nearly at the end of the game.

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There are some things I can't do.  The last Riddler contest.  I haven't tried it, but I have reviewed it from others who have done it.  I simply don't have the ability to do it.  The Firebug, or whatever.  I can't keep up with the last two or three of his appearances.  The vehicle simple isn't fast enough, doesn't corner or control well enough, and there are no more upgrades which might help.

There are a few more portions I may be able to do.  Maybe two or three major elements left to play.  But much simply is beyond my skills, knowledge, or abilities.  I will finish what I can, in the next day or so.  But, the game will not be completed.  I just wish there was a game without so many elements, especially poorly crafted ones.  The driving absolutely sucks, and isn't worth trying to finish.  As well, certain puzzles just... aren't reasonable to attempt to complete.  I have tried every tool and method I know.  Beyond not finding a way, even if I have tried the right way, perhaps it takes more of an exact method, or the use of the batmobile somehow.

Oh well.  I have mostly done what I can with the game.  And I am already playing on easy mode.  Which... doesn't have any affect on things like driving.  So contests and elements connected to it just aren't affected by difficulty settings.  So be it.  I could only give this game, say, about a 4 out of 10.  I couldn't imagine anyone actually getting through this game, as a casual or even semi-serious, very experienced gamer.  I don't even know who could finish this game.  But I can't.  Not even going to try some things, like the challenges, and the final aspects of the Riddler's challenges.  Actually, just the last one.  I made it through the rest, but can't do that final one, won't even try.  Way... too complex.  Don't believe me?

A few things.

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Sealing the doors, front and back?  I wasn't sure that would make much difference.  I wasn't sure that is where the majority of drafts were entering.  I just... didn't know.  But it was a start.  The neighbor did it.  We... had to think on it.  Offer suggestions.  But, got it done.  And?  And it really did help.  Even with it being 20 outside, this front room is still hitting 72... with the computer on, me in here often enough, and the furnace at 68?  Okay.  That's... different.

Another thing?  I feel like... people are angry at me again.  Not sure why.  What... did I do, or not do, this time?  Perhaps I am too sensitive?  When you live alone for a very long time, you note... everything, about other people, when interacting with them.  Right or wrong, though.  I know I... see things that aren't necessarily there.  If, too, I see things other people don't see.

I called my mother this morning.  If I didn't mention.  She is feeling slightly better, as am I.  I would guess we both feel about similarly under the weather.  That is just how it goes, some days.  I prayed another small prayer for her, after checking in.  No, not a boast, just an indication of what to do.  Prayers are effective.  Either in healing, or preparing for otherwise.  I did order aspirin.  The stuff I had in the cabinet is gone.  I know it was there.  Fresh, ordered about six months ago.  Someone "borrowed" it.  Left the other stuff, oddly.  But the other stuff isn't... good for general use or most people.

Three jars of kefir have been set up.  I will run that for two days, then change one out and clean it.  Will see how things work with that.  I want at least two and a half of those half gallon jars filled, before beginning consumption again.  With a portion of kefir nearly ready, in the little jars.

I will make another pork roast, this afternoon.  The old one is probably nearly done.  Will test that, in a bit.  Fresh veggies, pork, and a twice baked potato with some of the creme fraiche.  I want to see how that tastes.  As well, I will be checking blood sugar spike with that meal.  The veggies and pork shouldn't lift it too much, but the potato might.  A forty to sixty spike can be normal, even for keto food.  My body isn't isn't good shape.  But if it's a hundred or more... two hours after the meal, then... no.  Will see.  Then again, I need to, eventually, check the spike with a once baked potato.  Bleh.

Back to gaming a bit.  Getting through it, if not figuring some things out myself.  I have gotten a bit too tired to do that.  I can look the puzzles up, and then do them.  Mostly.  Sometimes there are... mechanical aberrations within the solution that aren't foreseen.  But, generally, I can get it done.

Water, for the next few hours, then food.  Checking before, an hour after, and two hours after.  With a dose of fast acting.  I haven't decided on how much, but at least 20 cc's.  Maybe up to 30?  I... with think on it.  Though, in part, that will depend on what my blood sugar is at the start.  If it is below 150, 20 cc's will be closer.  If it is still 217 as it was at fasting?  Then... 30, or closer to that.  If it is 250, 30.  Everything is sort of subjective, if within an objective algorithm.

Time to put a potato in... for about half an hour.  And ready the pork and veggies.  To be cooked for the last ten minutes it takes to warm the potato.  I am hungry.  Later. 

Not sure when I woke.

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Still rough.  Things are off.  Better than the last time I woke.  Strange new pains though, as if my lower rib cage had been pulled out, or punched in.  Something.  The other pains remain, but aren't as potent.  Nausea has passed, mostly.  I may take another pain pill.

I did call my mother, to check on her.  I didn't bother her with my ills, just checking on her.  She is doing better, but still a bit off.  I'll just say another prayer for her, and keep checking on her.  I do worry about the old girl.  Not a lot I can do, but I can pray, and listen.  It... helps.

Dairy is in, so I'll hit kefir.  It was ready by about when I went back to sleep, but I didn't have any milk.  All good though.  The kefir grains are plentiful enough, and potent enough, to churn out kefir in a single day.  But, I have been drinking beyond production.  I need to hold off, until I get more stored.  Love that stuff.

A fatted coffee, maybe some pork and veggies, but smaller amounts.  While not nauseous in the main, a little too much food could easily push that.  Buttered well steamed veggies, and just two 1/4 inch slices of the roast, plus a big glass of water, should actually settle that.  Should.

Well... on to a few things.  Good morning, and day.

On back to bed.

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Not as early as hoped.  Not as well as hoped.  Still, on back to bed.

Oh, I'll check for aspirin on my way to bed.  Might use the bathroom on my way anyway.

Still a bit of an upset stomach, and other things.  Not pains, more mixed up, as if I ate something I shouldn't have, in spite of definitely not having done so.  Sort of like a flu, in which the mind is upside down, a bit, for the bug.  It's not a flu, not sure what it is.

I never was able to play the game.  Or much else.  Meh.  Goodnight.

Not exactly sure how it is done.

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Video pops.  New, old, different.  Poignant, at least to my eyes.

A visitor.  She says things, but... only from a safe distance.  Years, and miles.  But I know who.  I know her.  I still think of her.  And know, from these things, she still thinks of me.  How strange, women.  I'd like to believe the women I have known have been of the odder sort.  But I... don't think that is true.  I have just known a lot of them.  A types, and others.  But this one... was... different.

Difficulties.

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Have you have ever been hit, punched, or knocked somehow, in the back of your head, just above the neck, right in the mold point of your skull.  I have.  And that is what it feels like happened.  Sometimes, when I would fight, I would either be against bigger guys, or more of them.  And that sort of hurt would hurt for... a while, win, lose, or draw otherwise.

As well, my sternum hurts, as if I got hit there.  Only on the inside, no bruising outside.  So I didn't run into something, and forget.  That happens.  And when you weigh 280, you... can hurt yourself.  This?  I don't know.  I think stress.  As well, the arteries on both sides of my neck still feel stressed.

I suspect it is all just from being so... angry.  Or at least intent.  I was not going to be racially bullied, or otherwise troubled, by bureaucrats.  And, it was a long buildup.  I still can't believe I forgot tags for a whole year.  Very strange.

Anyway, I did get to bed earlier. It was 17:15, exactly, when I went down.  If I was so tired already by then that I could have gong to sleep an hour earlier, had I the presence of mind to do so.  I... just got lost in thought.  And I just woke at a 22:15, or so.  More because I hurt in weird and numerous places.  I am fearing a stroke, to be honest.

After getting some regular painpills in, and waking just a bit, I will see if I have actual aspirin around.  If you have a heart attack, or stroke, or fear that, grab a couple of those and chew them up.  Bitter, sure, but... they can easily manage those things short term.  May keep you from dying, or even getting more severely injured.  Can't stop or cure everything, but a bit of a miracle drug that way.  I just want to keep them... on hand, ready.  If I don't have them, I will have to get some.

The thing about aspirin, is plain, it goes rancid, and potentially toxic, in a year.  Coatings may help, and mixes may make the bottle last longer.  Check the label.  But don't take out-of-date aspirin.  I'll be checking my supply.  I prefer it with caffeine.  And I don't think that is a problem, with regards to my reason to keep such.

So stressed.  Since I am sure I haven't been beaned with a sap, blackjack, club, or fist, I am guessing this is just... a bit of a chemical and physical reaction to stresses and emotions.  That it took over a month to be awake at the right time, dressed, able to get there, and else... it built up.

I am hoping the pain pills work, and in  a bit I can go back to bed.  I had to remake the bedding, after tearing it apart this morning, but that is all good.  I slept as happy as a bug in rug near the fireplace.  Was good until someone stepped on me!  :)  Still, hopefully, back to bed before long.  And, hopefully, with my aspirin upstairs, near me.  Just in case.  This is the worst I have felt in a rather long time.  I wonder if my heart pills make getting angry, upset, too focused, a health hazard?  I've never felt this bad after such in my life.  And, sometimes I do get a bit buzzed about things.

Oh, I feared blood sugar, but that was 125.  Not fasting, was only down five hours, and had something before bed.  But, still, or even better, a very nice number.

Whatever.  I'll look around the web.  Check on aspirin.  And maybe play the game a bit.  Have a good one, or... not.  Be well, or die well.  If you must die, die in grace, or as much grace as you are capable of being in.  Later or goodnight.  

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Nausea, too, now.  Just deserts, I suppose?  Death is deserved, by one and all.  Of course, before that, suffering.  Life hurts.  Survival is painful.  If you are living on the edge of easy?  You are living on the suffering of someone else.  Heck, even as I live in extreme discomfort, I... know... I too live on the suffering of someone else.

From those who pay taxes, to those who defend rightly, to those who make, do, fix, manage.  Understand, I do.  I don't... always... show gratitude.  But it is there.  Right or wrong, I will live until I don't, as long as required.  I still think about the notion, in the bible, when it discusses the idea that for six months, people will suffer, but death will flee them.  It is right at about 35 years of that for me.

Then again, I... when I get too down... I look at the crucifix.  I examine the wounds, from even before He was nailed to it.  I examine the wounds from His placement on it.  And the final wound.  More, I contemplate my guilt, for sin, and imagine taking that on for every mortal who was, is, and will be.  Okay.  Perspective helps.  As to belief?  Once you have been there, denial is quite difficult.  Once you have seen the other side?  You know.  No longer a faith issue, if other things require it.  Faith, for me, at this time, isn't about belief.  It is about allowing me to act, or not act, rightly.

Even so, I sin.  Even if just, mostly, in thought.  Just... thinking out loud as I agonize in dying flesh.  Unable to quite cross that river.  Unable to leave the shore.  Death, surely, flees.  My own kin?  I suggest so.  One of them, actually several forms of death... brother... uncles...  Yes, more than one angel is connected with death, as is, likely, one particular nephilim.  Stories, of course.  But stories are only true, not true, or partly true.  They aren't... just... tales.  Always.

Later.

So sleepy.

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I never did get down for a nap.  And, now, I want to wait... for bedtime.  Nearly sleeping in my chair, but... not quite.  Coffee!  That... could help.

Plans.  Now that I have done very well with kefir, derivatives of kefir, custard, and other things?  I... want to do more.  The next two things on my list are hollandaise sauce, and creme brulee.  With the hollandaise, however, I will make keto 90 second rolls, though I am going to try to do them in the oven, rather than the microwave.  I can cheat on keto, just not every time, every day, every week even, or even every month.  Two months in a row is not preferred, but I have the future.

A few things.

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I did undo my bed, and set the mattress on their sides, and flipped a bit.  I try to ensure I remake the whole bed, not just redo covers, once a week.  Plus, flip the mattresses.  As well, if I remember in the morning, I set the mattresses on their edges, and turn a fan on them.  I got tired of living like a dog.  Now I live like the dog of a king!  :)

I called mother.  She was not feeling well.  Too tired, and ill, to talk.  I let her go, then said a short prayer for her.  I'll keep her in my prayers, for this matter, for the next few days.  Getting old is tough.  Being ill, while old, is doubly difficult.

I did a few other things.  All good.  Hmm, I think I will feed Sassy again, and deal with her litter boxes.  Probably only one has been used though.  Gaming, but so tired myself.  I may try to make it to noon, then get a nap in.  If I can't make it to noon, I'll just enjoy an early nap.  

Ah, medicine.  I almost forgot.  Morning medicine down.  All good.  And it is still actually morning.  Even better.  Prefer it first thing, but before noon is good.

Oh, another thing?  I am starting to check everything I consider ordering from amazon.  I was considering candy and a regular instant read thermometer.  I had several in the bag.  While electronic (which is actually a negative), while shopping, I saw some mechanical (not needing batteries) of the same or similar type.  Only, for sure, these could be calibrated.  Two different types I was looking for were found for less than $8, where on amazon they were $13 or more per.  Yes, I really have to look around.  Not looking for bottom dollar, necessarily.  But these were the same brand/type.  Bottom dollar gets... everything it pays for.  If top dollar doesn't do better.  Middling.  On almost everything.  There are a few things which are worth every penny of high cost items.  Very few things though.  Most are merely branded trash.  They don't even, often, use better leather, or actual craftsman, on high priced hiking boots, for example.  Though some of it is paying higher prices for Western workers.  Sometimes that can be of value, sometimes not.

There is just one thing I want to do in the game, before going to bed.  Even just figuring out how to find the  things, would be nice.  I don't need to do them all.  Later.

Awake.

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Sore, very late, quite weary, and in pain.

I... woke... ish... a bit ago, and hour or a bit more now.  I looked at the alarm, hitting the snooze to light the thing up.  I... couldn't tell what I was reading.  Usually I shut my phone off, but last night I hadn't.  So, I grabbed it, lit it up, and looked.  7:06.  On the alarm, I couldn't tell if it was a 1 or a 7.  Though I wasn't completely certain I was actually awake.  This seemed... quite late.

I went down around 21:30 last night, I think.  Up that late because I still had adrenalin running through my system from earlier in the day, and really, a build up from through the month.  And, really, through the year, or two.  But... fine.  I couldn't sleep until then.  Still, that was a long sleep.  Getting to the store, too, sort of burned me out, on top of else.  Putting away groceries.  The shower.  All of it.

When I say I get out three times a month, that is maximum.  This last month was twice and this last time was only from necessity, or so I thought.  I still don't understand how I didn't realize I was a year late on tags?  Crazy.  I must not have gotten a notification, or lost/forgot it?  Dunno.

Blood sugar was high today, because I did bad food yesterday.  Sandwiches aren't the best, given the bread.  But it was the donuts that...  Hey!  I only had six.  Last time it was a dozen.  So... shut it.  *grins*  I took insulin last night, and with the breakfast sandwich, took a larger dose.  Still, gotta be careful.

I think the kefir is ready to switch.  It really is moving right along.

I did try buttermilk with raw milk.  It DOES make creme fraiche, but it is so water, that straining it leaves only, say, a quarter of what was started with?  Not... efficient for use.  Only use cream for that.  Or, that is my take.  I will be trying the various creme fraiche versions this week.  I have potatoes, but also salad and am thawing burger... for taco salads.  Creme fraiche would do nicely on both of those.  And, I may figure out a soup, into which to use the c.f. instead of sour creme.  Maybe a keto version of beef stroganoff?  Right.  I want to see how it works, does, tastes, hot and cold, and both versions.  The life of a budding chef alchemist is... joyous!

On to a cup of coffee, some gaming, and... I don't know.  Probably a mild day.  Too tired.  It was 20, out there, this morning.  In the upper 50s, almost sixty, upstairs, with the door open and the vent now unblocked.  I slept so warm, though, my balls itched a might lot this morning.  Very strange, but okay.  Maybe the higher blood sugar, too?  It can do t hat.  And adrenalin still coursing, that can do it... takes a while for adrenalin to exit.  My body loves the stuff, used to it, almost addicted.

I just put out my order for dairy goods.  Trying to stay on top of things.

Good day.  Later.

Good shot, old boy.

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I did get to town.  I did get to the place I needed to be.  It only... took a month and an half since realizing it needed to be done.  Oh well.  Done it was.  On one hand?  I didn't need to worry about being out of date, on my registration.  Somehow, I didn't... register last year?  At first I thought they just had it wrong.  But, after checking my vehicle, yep... '21 tags.  So... I went a year without up-to-date tags?  How the hell did that happen?

Never mind.  It is set up, and done.  There is a different way, so I'll have to sort that out yearly, it seems.  And, the fellow who is the boss, there (he looks very different from the last time I saw him though, very... strange).  He... helped, greatly.  I was huffing and puffing and, distressing.  So he took care of something.  And we sorted other things out.  But he wouldn't tell me who his boss is.  Still, if I have the other way, I will use the other way.

I replaced the tags, or really just put the new over the old.  Then headed to the grocery store.  Yes, I was... hot.  But, not too... hot.  Hot enough it was clear I was hot, but without suggesting violence, mostly.  Anyway, on  to the store.

I small bundle of groceries, to see me through.  They aren't making salads, as they used to.  So, I am just buying preshredded romaine lettuce, with purple cabbage and carrots.  Onion, meats, cheeses, fresh veggies, and a few other things.  Small amounts, just enough to add to my freezer larder, and to carry me through to payday.

Oh, but a few treats, including hard and genoa salami, and bread, for a sandwich.  I had one, might have to have another.

I was angry.  Very.  I shouldn't get that angry.  It... hurts my body.  My neck aches, the arteries that run through.  Things got pressurized in there.  While I didn't... mean to get angry, that is what allowed me to get out, and get things working.  I swear, they knew I was coming.  And they suspected I might be furious.  Handled it very well.  What can I say.  Still easing back from it.

Yes, another sandwich!  Maybe some gaming.  Just a bit?  So tired, though, from the anger coursing, then draining.  All good.  Oh... but... who... is this what you see?  I... saw this, and it made me think someone... saw me and this and... connected things.  Seriously, if my hair is a bit longer.  Later.

Ah, there was that too.

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There was another reason to go to bed.  Electricity went out.  I had forgotten, because I was already falling.  It, if reported correctly, was out for two hours, and exactly at the time they had said it would be out yesterday, or the day before.  Which... means they just changed the day they were doing the work and didn't bother forewarning anyone.

Anyway... some coffee, now, then a shower?  Shower first, I think.  Later.

Crashed.

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Had to take a nap.  Sleep was required, for whatever reason.  A few hours down, three, nearly four.  On waking, I felt... odd.  So I checked blood sugar.  It is 75?  Very... strange.  I have been... conservative with dosing.  I did take some with the pork and broccoli, but 8 cc's.  I'm having another cup of kefir.

I suggested, to myself, that maybe the kefir will raise the blood sugar.  But, truth is, I... just like the stuff.  Even if I use it down a bit fast, almost any excuse to consume it might lend to it being consumed.  As well, I am making a fatted coffee.  If I am being very careful with how much sweetener I use.  Three drops only, in a quart.

Now, though, to shower, and see if I can dry and get to things.  Not certain, must try.  The world isn't built on certainties.  It is built on doubts and hopes, risks, and their rewards, and a lot of people heading toward hell in some strange hope of heaven, or at least the hedge that there is no heaven.  Thankfully, I am no longer a party to that, if even then my way to heaven is not sure, and I live like I want to go to heaven, but that may still fail.  Anyone who is certain they are going to get to heaven may end up in an infernal situation.  Even I may be among them.  I don't bring certainty to a court of divine justice.  I... believe that is a losing battle.  God has infinite forgiveness, but it is at His whim.  Don't doubt that.  I have seen over that edge, I... know to...  fear and respect my Lord.  Know I am not good enough, can't be.  And that if I get to heaven, it is His will, not mine, or anything I can do, but... surrender to His Mercy.  Priest, pauper, king, pope, it... doesn't matter.  And don't think being declared and praised as a saint, by any church, that if God says no the church will win.  It won't.  If you live in a true family, ask your mother and father for something.  If your mother says yes, your father says no, see who will win that if they are both emphatic.  Father knows best, at least in a right family.  So it is in heaven.

Anyway... Yea, a bit of coffee to wake, the kefir is already down.  Then to a shower.  No more beard trimming or shaping, today.  So... just need to wash, dry well, get dressed, and see if I can make it out.  Good afternoon and day.

Some starts.

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Sassy was finally fed.  She... was very happy about it, but not with the amount.  It IS the normal amount, but not the normal frequency.  I'll check her litter shortly.

It looked like kefir was really, and it... actually was.  The grains must be getting stronger.  They don't look any stronger.  But they churned the near quarts of milk to kefir in a single day.  That using raw whole milk.  A fluke?  The last batch took three days.  Maybe.

I was planning, yesterday, on adding an extra quart for curing kefir.  Glad I forgot.  Two quarts a day, daily, will be far too much.  As a fact, I may cut back to one quart, if the kefir grains spit it out that fast.  As well as keeping up on a spare in the fridge.  Just of a tablespoon of kefir grains, in a pint of milk, put in without allow any fermentation, then redone every other week to once a month.  May go to a quart, if that turns too fast.  Trying to keep a spare, just in case, but keep it good.  Ugh.

I am having pork roast and broccoli.  Heating now.  I just had a cup of kefir, might have another.  Plus a dose of insulin.  Blood sugar spiked, to 195?  I must have abused the "keto" sweetener.  If I use too much, it can jack blood sugar.  Not always, or even the majority of time.  Sometimes.  Rather lightly this time, or rather larger that.  I would do without but I... need it.  I just need to remember moderation as key.  Yes, yes, mother.  Sure thing, pops.  I know, but reality is more than knowing, or even doing.  Sometimes... it is impossible to color completely within the lines, if for no other reason that the outside seems more fun, just because, on a given wild hair day.

After brunch, I'll get a shower going, then dry off as I game a bit.  Out today?  Maybe, maybe not.  Will know shortly.

---------

That was tasty.  Cooking the pork, over the steaming veggies, allows the fats to render into the veggies.  I still drain, then add butter.  But, the flavor added remains.  Another cup of kefir, just because.  I won't do that, usually.  Just a cup a day.  But the bounty was fast and large, so a bit extra, for my good deeds, was a treat spared to the house ogre.

By the by, I actually think kefir smells like... a woman.  You may think that strange.  I certainly thought it strange, when I realized it.  Not a perfumed poodle, but a... natural scent they give off.  It's sort of lightly floral with a bit of a... citric fruit smell, a cross between lemons and oranges?  Something.  Not... strong, just... earthy.  Delightful.  Not... necessarily edible, but it doesn't taste quite like it smells.  *digging hole, chuckling the whole time).

It sounds like it is raining.  Must be above freezing?  If I can get out, when I get back, I may try to pick up sticks in the back yard... pile what is there.  I can't cut it, don't have the juice.  As well, perhaps, clean up the area.  No mowing, but maybe that.  If I do go to town, if I am too tired to do it today, hopefully tomorrow?  We will see.

I best get a shower, and get more rightly dressed for the day, and a potential outing.  Lord knows, everything is a trick when I am this sleepy.  Stayed up too late, even if with good cause.  And woke pretty early, in spite of it.  Still, doing what I must, and can.  Sometimes those come to a strange sort of loggerhead.  All good, life wasn't meant to be easy, once we left the house of God.  Choices.  Consequences.

If I get out, some shopping would be good.  Small cheese blocks, butter, veggies, salad, and sour cream.  Until I am sure about the creme fraiche, I have... needs.  Though I will check that, too.  Plus, compare the various items.  Oh, there was a spice I needed for homemade ranch dressing.  I'll have to look it up.  And, I might get a small chunk of blue cheese, or gorgonzola... of such.  I am pretty sure, with the base for the ranch, with no spices, and one of those latter cheeses crumbled into it, I would be in a little heaven.  And, I have those keto crackers, to crumble in lieu of croutons.  Actually, they are croutons, just ones that don't aggravate diabetes.  Yes, some shopping, but light.

As well, I need to pull some meat to thaw.  I finished the chicken and am nearly done with the pork roast.  A roast lasts a week, even two really.  I am eating less, and targeting specific things, smaller amounts, and else.  I... have given up on losing weight, but not on eating better.  It is what, and how, it is.  I can only do my best.  Later. 

An early rise.

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It wasn't until 21:30 when I got to bed, give or take small change.  Waking at 04:00, give or take the same.  Small change being less than a decade of digits.  Not... in the best shape, but I have things to do.  First was to void like a racehorse.  But that isn't what drove me to wake.  There is room in the last pee jug.  Though, I have been using it only once or twice a night, and mostly once this week.  It's not as good as not wetting the bed, but there is similar pride in... being able to go most of the night.  

I sleep better with just going once.  Get more of my down time to actually rest and sleep.  Plus, having to go, in the morning, does give me added incentive to wake.  I hear it is common in older people.  Even over forty, and it becomes common.  That It wasn't until my early fifties, and that with diabetes, a bum heart, and medicines to deal with those (which all add to the white man's bladder burden), I suppose that is something?

Teeth brushed.  Sassy is all ready for food, but I am not quite ready to feed her.  She has been pushing for two cans of food a day.  Yesterday she got a can and an half, after several days of pushing me into giving her two cans.  In spite of splitting the cans out, she knows volume, it seems.  And she knows she is coming up light.  She is about as delighted as a serial killer giving a job termination or eviction notice.  Dagger eyes.  Still, I had been cutting, an will continue.  It's, just, she is so good at begging, and sometimes I am so distracted.  I don't know if she will ever lose weight, or just sleep more.  Ugh.

Today I have to speak with an untoward bureaucrat, if I can find him.  A pompous sort.  Who has been rude, about a number of things, mostly because we weren't interested in doing some pet project of his, online.  Didn't trust the bastard, and for good reason.  A face to face, though also speaking with several of his bosses, on up the line.  Right to someone who needs to get elected, letting them know I am willing to push things a bit.  It is a blue city, in a red county.  Will... see.  I think this poppycock is county, so... I may have some push to shove.  Will find out.

I may also do a bit of shopping.  I meant to pull more meat out to thaw last night, but forgot, with the blood sugar thing.  Blood sugar, this morning, fasting, is well down from yesterday, when it was 215, at 165.  That is... two days of insulin and testing.  Same slow acting insulin I was on, where it was going to 300 and more on, with only the addition of 28 cc's total of fast acting insulin during the day.  And... that number will come down.  It looks like I really do need some fast acting insulin.  I'll speak with my doctor about it though, and let him chew over the numbers.  Even at 60 cc's, they will have to send more slow acting, as I go through it faster.  If 60 isn't much better than the 26 I was initially set to be on.  Ugh.

Messes, fires, and trouble everywhere.  Tired, things to do, and places to go.  Don't want to, have no choice.  A shower, shortly.  Brushing teeth again later.  Well, today or tomorrow, or Monday.  When I am able.  Later.

Up late.

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If for a reason.  I wanted to check on my blood sugar a few hours after taking the dose of slow acting insulin.  It has been good, but almost too good... to be true?  Or to be safe.  So, a few hours longer.  I just checked, 135.  Not... bad.  It does go up at night, as I begin controlling it.  This is usual, in spite of not having had anything but water since my last blood test, and I don't even think that?  No, actually, nothing.  Just... the weird way these things work on me.  Or how my system works.

A bit more gaming.  I hate the driving part of this game, especially racing, and chases.  The controls are absolutely horrible, control can't be well maintained even at normal speed, far less so at turbo speed.  Yet turbo speed is required.  It is a poorly devised game mechanic that just doesn't work.  They should have scrapped those, because it is only luck, over time, in time, that allows one to win those events.

I have much of the game completed.  One of the main side quests doesn't seem to work.  I may look around, see if I am missing something.  Maybe the location beacon is actually more general.  I don't know.  Though I did notice that the map, with the locations for other things, doesn't actually work.  I think, for watchtowers and roadblock sites, they are randomly placed on the map.  And, can change, when I quit the game and rejoin later, things have disappeared to be found in different places.  Which... sort of sucks.

Still, it's... something.  Goodnight.

Nearing bedtime.

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One last blood sugar check, 92?  Okay.  But, that is a bit tight.  So, I am going to stay up to 19:00, and have a fatted coffee.  Then take the slow acting.  I am a bit nervous about sleeping with that low of a blood sugar, this fast into the start of taking insulin.  I just... don't trust it.  Nor do I have candy, in case it crashes.  Bleh.

I'll just game until then.  I would like to go to bed now, but... an half an hour isn't a terrible thing, to get a few calories in.  Goodnight.

Getting through it.

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Blood sugar is really doing well today.  Fasting was 215, but since, it has been 100, and 102 just now.  I took 20 cc's with breakfast... the last chicken quarter.  It was a small one, so single meal.  Then, a few hours ago, I had a glass of kefir, and took 8 cc's (of the fast acting insulin).

I tried to get the slow acting insulin to work the program, all on it's own, but it just doesn't work.  I am taking 60 cc's, and have... must have been... eating keto for the last two weeks, three maybe.  Sure, I was horrible, at the first of the month.  But, now, doing quite well, foodwise.  Otherwise blood sugar wouldn't be taming this quickly, and easily.

I couldn't do much else today.  I did tend sassy, food and litter.  Reset her water too.  Ate myself.  As well, I trimmed my beard.  Not so much for length as shape.  There was a little tuft, on the right chin.  I wasn't sure if there was simply a cowlick, or if there was extra whiskers pushing through, or layered out.  I did some tricky stuff, and it worked out fairly well.  I did just a bit more trimming, as well.  Trying to make the surface smooth, slick, flat.  I have already improved, and am getting much better, if it will take some time to get this more down, comprehended.

Dark, outside.  Raining, from time to time.  But... warm enough to rain, not snow.  So there is that.  Medicine in.  Save night slow acting insulin.  Usually that is once a day, and will be today, in a while.  I am hoping to get to bed earlier tonight, say 16:30?  A couple of hours to go.  Hmm... should set an alarm, and after this sip, stop drinking.  Though, the last few nights, I haven't had to get up to pee, or just once, the last three nights.  Still... but I... really want to finish this water.  I finally like plain(er) water.  It is reverse osmosis, but I used to not be able to drink that, either.

Later.

Ah, a thing or two about the game.

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I have been having a heck of a time finding certain things in the game.  I finally decided to check the web.  At first I thought to check y.t., but that is a horrible way to find things.  Going through an half hour to hour video, especially after having found half or more of something, would be grueling, especially without knowing which were found, 1, 2, 3, etc.  So having to look, find the location, hopefully.  Then go and see if it is there.

So, I went looking for maps.  And other data.  It says you are supposed to be able to find these by using the same methods I HAVE been using.  I was doing the right things, but the items simply aren't visible.  Now, there are areas that are second levels, down, under roads.  But I have been under as much as I could find.  It does, can, get tricky.  Still... as much time as I have poured into finding things, I would have thought to have found them.

Still, now I have maps, with general information, and specific information for those which were squirreled away.  Completionist?  Not... so much, anymore.  But, these finds add to my skills.  So, are worth finding.  Anymore?  I won't find stupid stuff just to find stupid stuff.  Especially since most games aren't worth getting a platinum trophy (signifying all trophies were obtained).  Some are impossible, requiring online play, which I don't do.  Some are impossible, because what they require is outside of my current skills.  As well, some aren't worth playing to get those tricky ones.  Too much bother involved.  If it isn't something reasonable to get, I just don't bother at this time.

This game is... reasonable.  So far.  A lot of uglies in it, but it is an ugly city.  That's why I wouldn't live in a city.  The orcs eventually run the real people out, and then take it over, ruling like apes, top to bottom.  So it is shown in this game.  I guess he works with who is available.  Probably ignoring much of the dirt he must have on them, because the next in line is worse.  A funny thing?  They never have Mexicans, or indians (or India indians), or chinese, or Japanese, or Islanders, in it.  Just mugglings and whites.  

But, it is, so far, playable.  Just a bit more difficult than I find reasonable.  But, I am old.  Slow.  For as close to dead as I am, it is what it is.  Well... on to playing.  Later.

A reasonable day and night.

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Down sometime after 20:00, but not too far along.  Up at just a bit after 04:00.  To be honest, I'd like to got to bed earlier, and wake at 3:00.  I am thinking 18:00 might be my target down, with 03:30 my waking target?  I might also aim at a king's ransom and a nobles holdings?  What I am saying is, wish in one hand, shit in the other, guess which will be filled first.  :p  Actually, my mother taught me that saying.

Still, not a bad gig.  I had slipped beyond, staying up much later, a few days ago.  Several times, to be honest.  I thought all was lost, but just... focused, and set a few goals.  Sometimes it works, for a while.  Sometimes it doesn't.  It may just be a temporary hold, or maybe I can maintain.  At least I slept longer.  Not by much, but those two to three hours add up.  Heck, I may sleep at 16:00, with a similar wake up goal.

Medicine helps.  I will say that, at least for sleeping a more regular day.  Central air would help, as the hotter it gets, the less control I have.  A steady indoor temp would be of great assistance.  I need to figure out how to do that.  I need to get some quotes, and have some money in the bank, and, say, when I have half, then go for it.  Finance the rest.  If I need to do the electrical panel first.  I... yes.  It has to be done.

Blood sugar is 215.  The average, since starting yesterday, with a 350 high, is 159.  We'll... see how things go.  Though I will be much more careful with dosage.  That was over a 275 point drop with doses that usually don't hit nearly that hard.

I should check kefir, and the new form of creme fraiche.  Sassy has been fed.  I'll check the litter boxes.  Strange, but she only uses one litter box.  I guess I keep it clean enough for her?  I may, through time, get rid of the others.  Or... one of them.  I don't mind having two, in case I forget to check for a few days.... things happen.  Then make some coffee.

Breakfast?  I have bacon, eggs.  But do I want to do that?  Not... immediately.  After I wake I may get to it.  It's easy enough.  Rather than cooking in a larger batch, I may just cook four pieces in the air fryer?  Problem with that is I am not sure it is efficient.  Cooking a dozen pieces in the oven seems more efficient.  Then I have bacon for other things, such as crumbling for salads, or dicing for casseroles.  Or just reheating a few as a treat.  The only problem with bacon is, no matter how you cook it, it is a messy item.  Well, to get it crisp.  I suppose one could boil it, then fry it?  Get some of the grease out?  But... that's what makes it so good.  I don't know.  May look at ideas, while I'm waking.

Oh, and medicine... pills?  Somehow, in my efforts to get back on track?  I... got a day ahead.  Ugh, I hate when that happens.  Had been off them three or four days when I figured it out.  Didn't cause upset, as I can.  Not... sure which day or days the extras went down.  Just glad it didn't... hey, that may have been why I nearly slept in my chair?  Not sure if that was the right time, but even then, I could see it.  This stuff is rather... potent.  Double dosing can kill... some.

On to my day.  Good morning.

About bedtime.

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Gaming.  Getting... somewhere... in the game.  It is brutal, as far as I am concerned.  I couldn't imagine playing it on harder difficulties.  But... it is like sports, and I did play those, and well.  The smell, of sweat, and emotions, from effort and more.  Yes, it is a difficult game.  I am learning some things.  

But, usually, if you find a point where you can't win?  It is because you... often... can't win.  There is a trick to it, somewhere in there.

I had hoped to get back out and do some more work.  It just wasn't possible.  That I got some things done, though, was very nice.  Having the hoses and sprinklers up is a bit of peace for my mind.  And, I think, I should be able to get the wood at least stacked on the other wood, for spring.  Perhaps even get the area cleared and cleaned up.  Mowed?  Maybe.

The last bit of the chicken, a fatted coffee, and some water.  I keep checking the kefir.  And, made another batch of creme fraiche, in a slightly different way.  It is working much faster.  Haven't done it with milk, yet, though I'm... not sure that is something I want to do this month.  I think, with that, it then needs cooked, which takes a long time, a lot of effort, a lot of standing, and more dairy than I am ready to work with.  Can't afford it this month.

The kefir is still taking it's sweet time.  All good, it will, should.  Keeping up on it, though, at this pace, will be... difficult.  I am hoping it goes faster, soon.  Or, perhaps, I will have to start another quart.  With three in rotation, perhaps I can keep up.  Yea, I... drink a lot of the stuff, when I can get it going fast enough.  Probably a gallon, or two, a week.

Blood sugar is to 150.  I'm not sure... what is up with that.  It sure dropped.  I didn't eat any real sugars, and only probably an half cup of frozen fruit, in with kefir.  But... milk is pretty sweet.  Oh, I do need to get the slow acting insulin in, tonight.  Then on to bed.  I am ready.

Sleep well.  God's speed.  Be well.  If you die, stop by.  I think you'll be surprised that I can... say hello.  And... say a little prayer for you on your way.  I can't get you in heaven, but I can hope and pray for you.  You wouldn't be the only one to stop by.  Goodnight.

So difficult.

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But I did it.  I got the sprinkler system taken apart, stripped to components, drained, and put up.  It was 45, so things were thawed.  Getting them apart, after the summer of being together, took a bit of effort.  Which completely wore me out.  I had hoped to work on the pile, and pick up around, then put the tools up.  No dice.  I'm going good to be sitting.  Hopefully I can recover a bit.

A fatted coffee, for my good deeds, and water.  Maybe the drumstick.  The chicken was still good, very good.  Blood sugar is up to 214.  Though I had two quarts of milk with dinner.  So... yea.  Milk is essentially the soda of the dairy world.  Making it non-fat won't help.  Just like soda is non-fat.  Believe as you wish, but milk shouldn't be consumed as a drink, and even as a cooking product, it should be used extremely lightly.  Like soy, really, it should only be consumed fermented... that gets rid of most of the sugars... lactose if you prefer.  Though... I... am not completely sure about that.  But it's what I have left.  I'll have another dose of fast acting.

Will try to be to bed between 19:00 and 20:00 tonight.  More gaming, that last bit of chicken, pill medicines are in, and a dose of slow acting tonight.  I only take in the morning if I missed the night before.  Not only did I miss the night before, I missed the month, or more, before?  Weeks anyway.

Another shower in the morning.  Oh, and the beard needs just a bit more shaping.  One side has a... bit of a bump.  Getting rid of oddities in the beard takes... skills and experience I don't have.  But... there is only one way to get them.  Brush my teeth a third time, before bedtime, too.  I'll... try to resurrect my appearance presence after it has been degraded for weeks, months?  A... while.  I clean up well, there is that.

On to gaming.  Later.

No electrical outage?

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Don't... look at me.  Unless they read my blog, and can fill in blanks, they wouldn't have known about my complaint.  If I had wanted them to change it, I would have called them, anyway.  That wasn't the intention.  I wasn't happy about the way they were doing it.  Though, perhaps, I wasn't the only one, and others did call that down, and in?

Besides, I was napping.  I expected it would just be a bit later, or something.  As well, I was needing recovery time from the blood sugar drop.  I checked it, it is now 158, still nearly two hundred points lower than it was.  That was a heck of a drop.  I slept cold for it, too.  If, as I mentioned, the high reading wasn't... actually that high?  I mean, just because the numbers were high, doesn't mean my body was... reacting as if it were.  Something screwy in there.  There is no way that should have dropped like that, in a normal world.

I am getting a chicken hindquarter heated.  Sprinkled with chipotle, not cayenne, if 100k on the heat index.  Since jalapeno, which is smoked to become chipotle, doesn't reach that high, I am guessing it is actually a blend of peppers.  I don't mind.  I'm... not prejudice, in this regard.  As long as it is tasty.  Besides, this is just the mild hot stuff I have.  The actual mild stuff is more like the scale of actual jalapeno, but I can't taste the heat in that.  It is just for looks and a subliminal level of added heat, when I do blends of my own.

I am thinking more broccoli?  No.  I'll skip that.  The chicken is so much food, I'll be lucky to get through it.  Not in one setting.  What I did last time was leave some of the thigh and the whole drumstick for a later meal.  I will probably do that again.  Loverly stuff, or has been to now.  Will see if it lasted in the fridge well enough.  That, a fatted coffee, and I will take a minor dose of fast acting insulin, say 15 cc's?  20, if I have milk with it, which I might.

Well... on to dinner, and probably gaming.  Later.

Weird.

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Blood sugar was very high.  I hadn't been using insulin for... a... rather long time.  Plus, at the turn of the month, I ate a lot of carbs.  Beans, donuts, I let loose.  I had been so hungry last month.  Not eating high carbs, just not eating much.  So, I... crashed into the new month with starvation level cravings.  Blood sugar was about 350.

So... today, I took 60 cc's of slow acting, and 35 cc's of fast acting.  Even a two hundred point drop wouldn't be a problem.  But I have never seen a two hundred point drop.  Until today.  I'm not even sure how far it actually fell.  For, when I started feeling the floor coming up at me, I began eating.

I don't have anything sweet.  But I do have popcorn.  Did that, and fruit in kefir, twice, and other things.  My problem was how full I was.  Couldn't eat much.  I really do need to get mints.  Those... work.  And are cheap enough to keep in volume.  But, after eating several meals of popcorn and fruited kefir, I tested.  It was 75, just moments ago.  I am hoping to goes up a bit.  That was brutal.

Yes, the numbers, on the blood sugar device, don't always quite mean what they look to present.  I have been eating slight, and keto, again, for the last two weeks.  While blood sugar seemed high, it... really... wasn't?  Something like that.

I had planned to do some things, but I think a nap is all I will be able to do.  Brutal.  I didn't hit the floor, but... should have?  Could have.  I still will, only it will be a controlled fall, on to bed for a bit.  Ouch.

Electricity is still on.  Odd.  I can't do much with, or about, it.  To bed, for a bit.  Later.

Nice!

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Breakfast.  The custard was very pleasant, cool.  I only ate half, it is filling.  Sort of a magic dish.  Perfect for when eating is difficult, or you want to be full quickly, quietly.  I may have the rest for lunch.  Which... it is about that time.

A shower just now.  Oh, those are loverly things.  A bath would be superior, but I just can't keep up on that.  Trimmed my beard first.  I think I did a good job.  Shaping, trimming to the neck, shortening just a tiny bit, though more in some places.  The mustache part hadn't gotten down, over the lip, to where I was eating it, yet, but it was getting close.  Cleared that.  Very nice.  I'll see what it looks like after it dries and I brush it out again.  But it looked good before the shower, just curious if cleaning alters things.  If needs be, I can always do a bit more trimming and shaping.

I'll play a bit more, until the time for no electricity hits.  At least it is day, if a darker day.  I may see about doing some work, after the lights go out.

Well... on to it, then.  Have a great day.  God be with.  And may your efforts provide good fruits, by which you will be known.  Be well.

Power outage?

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Planned, for my town.  Apparently the whole town.  But... why today?  It is 35 degrees out there.  It is a two hour thing, so should, assuming things go as planned, be two hours.  So it probably won't be a problem.  I am turning the furnace from 68 to 74, in an attempt to store some heat.  It'll be a bit warm, for my current tastes, but hopefully not too terrible.

But why not do this a week ago, when the days were still hitting 70?  Or at least 60?  Why wait until it is 35, and raining?  They really need to plan these things better.  Is it bureaucracy, or trying to be cheap by pushing things to the last minute in some bean-counter theory of saving money, when they really aren't saving money.

No, perhaps, the parts they needed were on backorder, and only arrived.  These days, what is needed is what is missing.  The junk you don't need, is both plentiful and cheap.  If you want a huge television which spies on you?  Cheap.  They are almost giving those away.  They haven't gotten the message, from brighter people, that being spied on isn't of interest.

I wondered how they got dirt on every one in power.  And, everyone has dirt, mind you.  Their televisions, electronics of various sorts, and the internet.  Stalin would have loved the modern world.  That is how he got, and held, power.  Well, and people's shame.  Interesting how weak atheists, and other non-believer types are, to their sins.  They try to suggest they don't care, but they are terrified of people finding out what they truly are.  And, only the worst of them are allowed access to some power, if those who 'give' them power, have the power to change anything they do or say.  Or to simply toss them aside, when they are done with them... BoJo, as an example.  And his near sister, twisted and tossed in record time.  Interesting.

Well...  I'm gaming.  Moving right along.  Though, with some missions, they are almost pure puzzles.  And, while I am decent at puzzles, at some point I run out of options.  In the current mission, I had to solve... six rather intricate things, and have done well.  But... I am done.  I can't find anything else, or even see anything to manipulate.  This game just pulls new things out of it's butt, without giving you any clue as to how to solve it, from past experiences.  Which is fine, up until it isn't.  So... I'm actually on here to look that up.  I even figured out how to grapple the batmobile over an edge, to give me an angle by which to fire it's cannon at the roof, as an example of... problem solving.  But, at this point, I can't sort what to do next.

Anyway... on to... figuring out the game.  Ah, and I did get insulin in.  Though, I have quit trying to use just the long lasting insulin, and have added in the fast acting stuff.  I had gotten to 60 cc's of the slow acting stuff, and it isn't working.  Part of why I stopped insulin, was... pouting.  I was asked to do something that doesn't seem to work.  Well, back to it, I suppose.  Just... the way that works, not the way they want.  Later.

I made it to bed at a good time.

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.

What, exactly, that time was, I can't say.  Before 21:00, certainly.  Before 20:00?  Perhaps an half an hour either way.  And, I slept until about 04:30.

I did have dinner.  Which was much better than last time.  Slicing the roast pork too thin doesn't help it.  And, baking it, I don't think, is the way.  I put it on the broccoli, sliced about half an inch thick, and really, steamed it since it wasn't in the water.  Very well done, without being dry, or too fatty tasting.  And, I think the drippings helped with the broccoli.

I am planning on having half the custard this morning.  Just half.  While it seemed like I was eating, sort of, moist air pudding, it was actually very filling.  Half the custard, warm, was like eating a steak and potato!  I was absolutely stuffed.  Live and learn.  But it's odd how your tongue and palate can fool you, trick you.  

It should be much more muted, in flavor, if it didn't have a lot of flavor even warm.  Though, too, it should be much more solid?  I'll find out shortly.  That truly is an excellent meal for someone who is ill.  They can handle it.  My stomach wasn't up for food yesterday.  This... reset the trouble light, went in and eased the stomach, so by dinner time I was ready for something a little more.  It's like the chicken soup of upset stomachs!  Still, wouldn't be a bad meal once in a while, and is so easy to make.  Much... easier than it seemed to even my discombobulated mind.

Cooler, 59/58 upstairs, nearer me.  With the door open.  Though I think the vent is still blocked.  I may open that too... which may or may not help.  I slept warmly enough, in moderately warm pj's.  Slept longer than I thought I would.  I did wake earlier, at 03:30.  But wasn't feeling like getting up quite yet, couldn't quite do it.  But, really, that is my target time to wake.

Yes, well... some coffee, half the custard... which I was careful to cover so that air didn't get to it, litter has been handled, but I'll feed Sassy a bit later.  A shower, which I didn't get yesterday, if it thaws, I'll get the sprinklers and hoses pulled and put up, and I will stack the remaining wood against, or on, the pile.  It's... what's left to do.

Have a good morning and day.

I made it.

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Past 18:00, well past.  19:29.  I have a bit of dinner brewing... fresh broccoli and pork roast, with some of the onion baked with the roast.  Nothing fancy, but it will do.  As well, I am shutting down earlier.  Last night I was up until... well after 21:00 and perhaps after 23:00?  I... totally lost those numbers.  That is too late.  Tonight will be okay, if maybe a bit later than I like as well.

Sassy has been fed, her litter kept clear, some attention given, as she has requested, or just because.  Medicine has been taken... yesterday and today.  Oh, but insulin.  Ugh.  Always something.  Kefir has been being watched.  Not so much to see if it is done, because that would be unusual.  No, but because I like the scent of fermenting milk.  Either you do or you don't.  I do!

Gaming is moving along.  Still a lot of problems.  Remembering all the various keys, and key combinations, for the various activities, which can change even in different situations, or if they just... say so.  More, it is helping me stay awake.  I am still getting drowsy, as it gets dark and cold.  It is what it is.

Nothing fancy, but I did some things today.  Not even close to what I want to do, but not bad at all.  Goodnight, most likely.  God be with you.

Good.

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Oh, but even heavily spiced, so very mild.  I ate half of the custard warm.  The rest I will put in the reefer, when it cools, covering it with plastic wrap.  I am curious how it will taste cool/cold.

The texture was good.  It was baked correctly.  It wasn't overdone.  So very gentle and smooth.  I was happy with my first attempt.  And, yes, that would be excellent food if the world hurts, the stomach is upset, and digestion seems like too much of a chore.

I wouldn't even call it a dessert.  There just isn't enough there, there.  The sweetener is rather limited, mild.  Even the spices just don't carry through strongly.  Just a very soft meal.  I was very pleased, for my part.  I think younger people wouldn't like such a meal.  Most youngling need more sweet, or sour, or else.  And a stronger texture.  I... say this from experience.

I am doing quite the culinary efforts this month.  Started kefir, trying creme fraiche, considering a few other things, and this.  For a very weak month, this isn't bad.  Oh, yes, I am satisfied with what is being made, and going on... in a smaller way.  But, given the season, and that it was 22 F outside earlier, yea.  I... will slow down some.

A bit of gaming, maybe some coffee with it.  A shower.  Perhaps some pork roast and broccoli?  Then, on to bed.  Oh... but it's only noon thirty?  I have six of seven hours to go.  Ugh.  Well, I'll do my best.  Good afternoon, day, and goodnight(?), or more likely... later, gator.  

It has taken a lot of the day, but...

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.

I did get the custard mixed.  Needed to warm the eggs, just to room temp.  Did that, but forgot.  Went to check on something.  Ah, the oven was on?  Right... for the bain-marie.  Still had enough water.  I set the temp for 380.  Higher elevation.  A bit more heat, usually.  So be it.

Finally, I got it all going.  It is... actually... extremely easy to prepare.

I don't have, or couldn't find, the nutmeg.  I had a number of whole ones.  Gone?  Lost?  Tossed?  But I do have cinnamon.  Ah, ginger too?  Yep.  So, I added that, as a second flavor.  Vanilla, as well.  The gooder stuff.

I didn't want to do the milk in the microwave, but... I did it.  It took about a minute and forty seconds, in two parts, as enumerated.  It was warm enough so that I was very gentle with adding the milk to the eggs.  Scrambled custard isn't right!  But, that... went well.  I think.  I hope.  No breaking, or clotting, or such.

Oh, and I happen to have a vintage French tin charlotte custard mold.  I buttered the sides, right or wrong, and filled it.  Then, put the lot in the oven, in the water bath... for those of you who were curious what a bain-marie was, but were afraid to ask.

I have the alarm set for an half hour.  Then I will check every ten minutes until it is done.  So much simpler than I... felt like it would be.  If it turns out well, I will... try to do this a bit more often.  And, yes, it is the recipe, halved, which I showed here the other day.  I added an extra egg, for even my storebought are on the smaller side.  All good, I can work with near abouts, horseshoes, hand grenades, and other such notions and realities.  I think slightly more egg, than less, would be a good thing.  But it isn't that much more.

Kefir is just taking it's time.  Which is fine.  It does that.  It smells much... richer?  Yes, with the raw whole milk.  Much richer.  Oh, I love the smell.  It looks like it might be nearing done, but... will have to wait and see.

Tired as the dickens, but... trying to... do something.  Anything.  Even making food is something.  And, a food I should be able to tolerate.  Some warm, most of it will be eaten cooled.  If it turns out.  The only real issue, is dishes from cooking and eating.  Hoping the butter makes the mold easier to clean.  And I have medium sized ramekins.  I'd like larger.  But, if I need more, there is always seconds.

I'll continue gaming.  But, maybe, get a shower in too, before long.  I did finish the laundry, all dry.  Hmm, I may reset the towels to dry on high an half hour before showering.  That is always a nice little treat, in cooler weather.  What else?  I... am surprised I am still awake, doing what I am doing, and contemplating more.  Not sure, but maybe some other things.  Later.

Sometimes I see.

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.

Or... I think I see.  Something I find, or bump into, literally or virtually... figuratively?  Some things, when I find them, open some eye(s), which allow me to see, or believe I see.  I usually don't mention it.  I have found that speaking, or writing, on some things, causes... upset.

Still, I am still asleep enough, I decided to go ahead.  Just... few details will be shared.  Nothing personal, just... not everything is to be shared.

Up late.

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.

Down even later.  To bed at... 21:30?  Still, up at 03:10.  As it has cooled and darkened, life has become... problematic.  Falling off medicine isn't helping.  I'll... call, see if they will send some.  My doc was upset I hadn't been in for a blood test in a while.  Perhaps I could get that done first, then call.  He'll have the numbers in a few days.

I have had to put my phone on the "Do Not Disturb" portion again.  This time, it isn't random telecallers.  It is the Veterans Admin.  They want me to be involved with a queer study.  They wrote me three times, texted many times, and finally started calling.

I tossed their letters.  I turned their text invites off.  I listened just long enough to know what it was about, on the phone, then hung up.  And I stopped that phone line.  They called on new phone lines every other day since.  I blocked THOSE phone numbers.  Now they are calling me from a hidden number I can't block.  So... I just blocked all numbers not in my call list.

I will speak with my doctor and with the admin, somewhere, and get them to call off their filthy dogs.  I have no interest in talking about foolishness.  If they are down to that, to peddle some form of false medicine, I'm out.  I don't want to talk about it, least of all with some quota hire bureaucratic flunky.  "Hey kiddies, want some candy"?  My mommy told me not to talk to strangers, asshat!  Harassing!  Maybe a few complaints, in the right ears, will get that whole program and study shut down, tossed.

Oh, but at least I dreamed of... one of the women who got away.  A slim thing, I knew in the Navy, early on.  Called her Mississippi, because she was from there?  I don't remember.  I thought to shorten it, to Missy, but I liked her name.  A lithe young thing.  I was at her apartment, when she was in pj's, on the couch.

Oh, I... had a thing for her.  She for me.  We were trying to take it slow, back then.  Back then, for a right relationship, it was a ring, or two, then marriage, before pie was distributed.  At least for the marrying type.  For just lovers, it was hit and run.  Maybe stopping by to see if her knees were lonely, from time to time.  But, I at least, knew not to marry a woman to let me at it without marriage.

Yes, I... really wanted to be with her, and rightly.  Long dark hair.  Little titties, but... they just need some fertilizer.  Or... fertilizer will see to what they need, for biggen's.  We hugged, even kissed, just not on the lips.  We... knew better.  Women are so... wonderful... when they are... fresh... young... ready.  She was in the Navy too.  But I think she wanted to just be a wife, a housewife.  Little did we know, that program had been canceled the generation before us, which was why she was in the Navy in the first place.  Still, it... was a sweet dream, both then, and now.

I've got to get a grip of things.  I'm waiting a bit to feed Sassy.  And cutting her food to a single can a day... dispersing it in three doses.  Though, too, leaving the hard food available, and offering her treats from time to time.  I need a shower something awful.  I did hit my teeth again, finally, after some time just dragging around the house.

A shower, a bit later.  I did do laundry.  Dried inside for the snow and rain.  I need to trim my beard.  It... is a real, and large, and white, beard.  Any dog-faced man would be proud to have such a beard, if his ego can handle it being white!  I talking Zeus level beard, maybe Odin, on his beard bearing days.  A silverback beard.  Still, it.. could use some shaping, and thinning?  Is thinning a thing, or possible?  Or... may just trimming.  I'll... go reading... in a bit.

The regular kefir is taking it's oh so sweet time.  Though, then, as I remember, this is the first batch to use whole raw milk.  It is contending with natural things in the milk.  Perhaps merging, combining, mixing a bit?  But, also, competing.  It is always this way.  And it is cooling.  So that is how things go.  But it sure smells good.

A fatted coffee, as I thumb through things and wake.  I am hungry, of mind, but my body isn't all that interested.  If I can figure out how to make a custard, in a bain-marie, I may do that.  Soft food for soft and upset innards.

Well, that is that for now.  I'll get on to... other things.  Probably gaming.  Later.

Something is so wrong.

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I made it to 16:22.  I am going to try to finish it by staying up to 18:00 and some.  But I feel off, bad, uncomfortable in my skin.  Tired, in a strange way.  Pained in ways that aren't clearly defined.

Some of it might be from the stress of the game.  It isn't... just... difficult.  It is brutally difficult, so that it stresses me right down to some core things.  Getting a bit old for these games.  Even playing it on easy is brutal.  Then again, being easy isn't... all that easy.

Oh, and I think I lost track of medicine?  Yes, Thursday morning was the last time I took meds.  I'll... catch at least one dose for today, the other dose when I wake.

Hungry, but... I can't cook.  I could heat something up, but I am not... all that interested in eating, even while being hungry.  I don't think I could handle food.  Something inside just isn't... right.  It doesn't want food.  Sardines are way out, but even chicken or pork are too much, not right, can't do.

I'll... have some water, perhaps a glass of milk.  Then play the game for a bit.  Yes, the stress of the game is part of it.  Though the cool is too.  Though it looks like the snow has all, or pretty much, melted.  Interesting.  I wasn't sure which way it would go.

I'll... keep checking the kefir and creme fraiches, but I think those will take another day.  Later, perhaps goodnight.  God be with you.

Gaming and kefir.

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.

I check the kefir and else, when I am in the kitchen.  A bathroom run, or coffee or other sipping run.  It looked like the fruited kefir was just beginning to separate.  This is when I either split it out or refrigerate it.  Not sure, with this.  But, for this time, I just shook the jar a bit, then put the whole thing in the refrigerator.  I will try it later, when it is cool.  Not... the whole thing, just a sampling.  Eventually I will make a similar jar, but pull the fruit, when it looks done, and put that in the fridge.  Probably just eating the fruit there.  Plain berries, from frozen.  Much of the sugar is supposed to have been pulled out, by the kefir grains.  Though... will have to see about that.

The rest is nearing time to change.  But I like to let it go as long as it will, before separating, or too much.  The creme fraiche is moving very slowly.  But, everything from that was cold, and cream is so thick... will see in time.  I would like to say I'll just give it another day.  But that... isn't true.  I'll give it as long as it takes.  If it doesn't work, I may try again.  Just... things take the time they take.

Impatience is actually a gift, if you learn to manage it.  :)

I am sort of hungry, may get something shortly.  Nothing fancy.  Perhaps sardines and those keto crackers.  They really are good.  And rather low carb.  Lemon sardines, yes, that would do.  And a fatted coffee?  Or a tea?  Dunno, but something warm.

I am... not really getting better at the game, but I am getting through it.  As skill and equipment availabilities expand, life improves.  But, sometimes the game is horrible about sorting out how to do things.  A door seems like a dead-end, unless you are standing in the exactly right position.  And some of the skills required are pretty... rough.  Like aiming a baterang or such.  They inverted controls...  While they allow you to invert the inverted controls, it isn't... quite... normal even then.  Cheap game extenders.  Just... understand that.

Still, the game is... okay.  So far.  Fighting sequences still suck, but I think that is how it is supposed to be, until you get high enough "level", with more equipment and skills.  Regardless of what they say, it is mostly a button masher.  No way you can keep up on all the keys and skills, even at my current lower level, with fewer things to manage.  That is... the world of gaming, in many of these things.

Still, it is fun to play, until it gets screwy and I get frustrated... have to quit for a bit.  Later.

Pork and mashed cauliflower.

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.

Good enough.  The cauliflower was a bit old.  The pork was only so-so.  But... it... was food.  And the use of the oven and the stove heated the area, to help with fermenting things.  They do okay at 68, but a booster of warmth, from time to time, makes like even easier for them.

Keeping up on what Sassy needs, and wants.  Litter, food, attention.  Keeping water jugs shuffled, and full.  Four jars of water, half gallon jars, might seem excessive.  Especially when I also try to keep the collecting carafe full, and the reservoir full.  But, I usually cook with that water, drink it straight, and use it for coffee and tea.  Plus, I drink... two gallons a day?  It sure seems like it.  Well, and cook with, probably on average, an half gallon every other day?  

All I know is it takes a bit of effort to just keep in water.  I wouldn't want to try to do that for a family.  I'd either go whole house (which would probably be cheaper, and better, as fluoride in the water leeches through the skin).  Though most people use fluoride, so it isn't an issue for them.  I would do a whole house system if I could afford it, anyway, too.  But, as is, this is as good as I can do.  I tried the under-the-sink unit.  My problem is remembering to shut it off, while filling larger containers.  To be honest, I am surprised those haven't been outlawed, more for the water waste than anything.  Especially in California.  Though I suppose only the filthy rich do it there, and they run the programs, so...

I'm thinking of having a bit of kefir.  It looks like the quart jars of the stuff are fermenting quickly enough, now.  It takes the grains a while to wake and get to work.  But, when they do, they hit it pretty hard.  With the fruited kefir, I am waiting for the fruit to rise.  Or is it fall.  I'll have to recheck.  But I think, when they rise, it means the sugars have been used out of them.  Or was that only with vinegar?  I'll... look around.  The problem is, a lot of people talk without knowing.  Easy to get data, hard to get reliable data.  And, on y.t., I think they try to disseminate misinformation and malinformation as often as possible.  If it is being presented by one of the protected classes, they push it hard.

Oh, the creme fraiche doesn't seem to be doing much, not quickly.  I keep checking it though.  I am terribly curious about that.  I am hoping for a perfect dairy condiment for most of my former sour cream needs.  Plus, no chemicals, no salt, no... nothing.  I know exactly what is in this, and don't have to worry about soy, or sugars (of any sort), or else "slipping" into my food supply under the blind eyes of the FDA or other agencies.  They are just there to protect big money, and help China poison us... for a fee... at this point.

On to... gaming?  Sure.  Vehicle controls, and else, are still horrible.  That is just meant to make the game take longer, not for any other reason.  Hmm, some kefir, and gaming.  I think I have coffee already.  And some water.  I mix and match, sipping on each through the day.  Good morning, day, and else.  Be well.

Awake?

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Well, duh!  :p  And a bit feisty.  Staying up a bit later for the dairy helped me trip over the hour tickers.  I was able to stay up until 18:00, plus up to half an hour?  Or a few minutes.  When I push, I... forget, or am more prone to forget.  Then, I slept until 03:00, pretty much exactly.

Sassy was fed, first thing.  I checked the kefir and creme fraiche productions.  Not much going.  But, it got is 68 indoors, and 30 outside.  The snow, by the way, pretty much stopped where I described it.  If more came, some melted.  Which may have been the case.  That first snow is always so pretty, especially when it is just a dab on top of other fall colors and shapes.

Dreaming of Jeanie.  Oh, not the show girl, just a woman, who was interested.  We... explored, rightly.  It just wasn't to be.  Some women would love to be a housewife.  But that is so... expensive.  It's not really a thing these days.  Even in my days, despite all the push for it, it was a dead endeavor.  Oh, some still do it.  But it's... only if the husband can afford it, or they are willing to go without a lot of things.  It's mostly women who don't want to go there.  And, that... is... probably a form of wisdom.  Frugality will only get you just so far.  It is why feminism exists.  Nunneries aren't common, or well considered, anymore.  Academia is too filled with useless fillies these days already.  Even sex work rejects... some women.  There is no place for them.  It's low level employment, sex how and when they can get it, with whoever might offer it, and independence.

What do they call the guys who are involuntarily celibate?  Incels.  Well, a lot of feminists are just another form of incels.  They can't get, or keep, a man.  The high earners, performers, aren't interested in trading down.  Beauty is a start.  Though, even high earners are becoming incels, at least on the marriage scene.  Women aren't worth the risk, unless they come more loaded than they are.  With money.  And, those women are only looking for men with even MORE money, not some lower high status man.  The power dynamics don't work for either of them.

Then again, with everything crushing the family, personal wealth, and fertility, this will fix itself right out of existence.  When there are fifty thousand people, living mostly a tribal, hunter-gatherer existence, none of this will matter.  Those who can, will, breed, produce, be useful, or die.  The elites think they can cull a majority.  If they succeed, they will not be able to control the implosion.

I... have been praying for things.  I see the prayers doing something.  Then I see those things stopped.  I pray, further, that God deal with some things.  I... get the impression that God is letting men do what they will.  He isn't intervening.  He has handed men the keys of this kingdom, and is allowing them to explore the controls.  This won't end well.  On a worldly note.  In the final analysis, it is what must be done.  Can men back away from the brink?  Or... is the end finally nearing?

Oh, and some people seem to question why I add cream and sweetener too?

Thanks, Mike!

I still think this is more just the end of an era, an end of the Neo Rome... the fall of the Neo Jewish churches... a change of... season.  But, with nukes in the equations, difficult to say.  Some men would rather believe they are going to rule in hell, so abandon heaven.  They didn't gain power by being righteous, they aren't going to keep it by doing good.  So... you never can be sure.

Ah, but do not worry.  Until Christ returns, wars and rumors of me.  Later.