.
.
I did make it to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I was an half hour early, which makes it more comfortable. Plus, I like praying, thinking, and just soaking in the surrounds there in the nave. I also go and pray afterward, just a bit. It always makes me feel like I am home. More so, I suppose, because I have never had a home. There is no one place I could call home, save in time where I currently reside. I almost feel foolish going in with my quaint little sins. And I do look things over for even little things. I am sure I miss much, we have a way of forgetting. But I am sure I get the big ones and some of the little ones. What is worse, at this point, I am probably too sick to develop new sins, so I am stuck with the same old ones. :p In any case, I always feel blessed to have another chance to try and beat those same old sins. It might be a losing battle but since God is willing to forgive, over and over, I am willing to try, over and over. I am just glad He forgives one more time than I sin. :)
I could not stay for services. I was already failing and I really needed to shop. There is always tomorrow, for shopping, but I get on a roll and I have to... do. I will try to be to services tomorrow. Though 10:00 is early, it might suit my schedule of awakeness. The only problem is that, like this morning, I may not be able to get moving. Neither heat, caffeine, or food could get me going today. Still, I did what I could. Doh! I forgot shoe polish! No worries.
On to the store I went. I spent nearly the last of my open money on food, but all good. Chicken, beef ribs, cereal so I have something more substantial 'on tap', milk, and a few other items. Nothing fancy, I didn't have much remaining to me. I know how much was in my account, so I counted the items, roughly, as I put them in my cart. Ten dollars here, three dollars there, seven there, and so on. It adds up fast these days. For some supposed great slaughter of cattle going on, the prices aren't reflecting that. At ten a pound for steak, which I had to pass, I think we are being had.
But I am done, spent, tired, and more. I am honestly doing everything I can do, and probably then some. At least, with God, I have no worry about explaining things. He knows very well how hard I really try. He knows how important He is to me. He even knows what I do for Him. What I surrender of my own notions, what I try to convey to others from Him, and that I know I am His. Christ made me His friend and brother. It's a family sort of thing. I think I do like the priest. He is a bit mysterious, curios, interesting. Not that that matters, just a side note. I hope to get better enough to work with him and the lady who runs the prison visitation group. He says she is a good woman and I believe him. Sometimes you just sort of trust some people.
I had hoped to grill, do more laundry, and do the dishes, but I am all out of gas. I believe I will cool down just a bit, do a few finishing touches on things, say a thankful prayer and include some of your concerns in my prayers, then go to bed. A good night to pray for my enemies too. Lord knows, they need them. At least now, tonight, when I lay down to sleep, I will rest much easier. If I don't make Mass tomorrow, I will soon, and in good conscience. Good night.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Ah well.
.
.
The morning was a wash. I did put a load of laundry in. I didn't follow that up, though I will now that I remember it. I didn't get in and do any shopping. I did look for, but did not find, my shoe shining kit. But I am going anyway. I just used an old rag to buff my shoes as well as possible. A shower, no shave as I am growing my beard, and then I just finished dressing properly. First the Sacrament of Reconciliation, then Mass. I will get it done barring death or accident. And, perhaps, I may begin going to the noon Masses offered Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I will try to make it either Saturday evening or Sunday morning, when those lie within a sleep cycle, but only one. I like the notion of more regular attendance, but since those are the busy Masses, I like to leave room for others (unless I notice attendance is light).
Yes, yes, this and that. Sure, there are problems with the Church. I have mentioned them. But just as often I use those to cover for my illness, as reasons to not go. Attending Mass is vital, critical, for Catholics... or I should say Church of Christ congregants. I have simply been too ill to get everything together until now.
I keep reading over how the Sacrament is supposed to go, the father's role, and mine, but it just isn't sticking. I will explain that I am quite ill, and unable to concentrate well, and ask him to guide me. I know my sins though! Oh, and I have brushed and gargled a second time. Before taking the host, we are to not have anything in our mouth for an hour, in reverence.
After confession and Mass, I am going to try and shop. I thought about carrying today. But the holster I have, though it has a component for concealment, is not rigged for it and I don't have time to search out the component and figure out how to set it up. Next week, perhaps, I will have it arranged. I could just take it in my jacket pocket, but then I would have to wear that the whole time. It is way too hot in churches for such. The 9 mm would be nice, right about now. I believe I could fit that in the pocket of my cords, and with the right pocket protector, it wouldn't print. One of the few benefits of being large enough to have pants you can stow a thick Steven King type novel in your back pocket, or a 9 mm in your front pocket (probably not at the same time, however).
Well, on with things. Good day.
.
The morning was a wash. I did put a load of laundry in. I didn't follow that up, though I will now that I remember it. I didn't get in and do any shopping. I did look for, but did not find, my shoe shining kit. But I am going anyway. I just used an old rag to buff my shoes as well as possible. A shower, no shave as I am growing my beard, and then I just finished dressing properly. First the Sacrament of Reconciliation, then Mass. I will get it done barring death or accident. And, perhaps, I may begin going to the noon Masses offered Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I will try to make it either Saturday evening or Sunday morning, when those lie within a sleep cycle, but only one. I like the notion of more regular attendance, but since those are the busy Masses, I like to leave room for others (unless I notice attendance is light).
Yes, yes, this and that. Sure, there are problems with the Church. I have mentioned them. But just as often I use those to cover for my illness, as reasons to not go. Attending Mass is vital, critical, for Catholics... or I should say Church of Christ congregants. I have simply been too ill to get everything together until now.
I keep reading over how the Sacrament is supposed to go, the father's role, and mine, but it just isn't sticking. I will explain that I am quite ill, and unable to concentrate well, and ask him to guide me. I know my sins though! Oh, and I have brushed and gargled a second time. Before taking the host, we are to not have anything in our mouth for an hour, in reverence.
After confession and Mass, I am going to try and shop. I thought about carrying today. But the holster I have, though it has a component for concealment, is not rigged for it and I don't have time to search out the component and figure out how to set it up. Next week, perhaps, I will have it arranged. I could just take it in my jacket pocket, but then I would have to wear that the whole time. It is way too hot in churches for such. The 9 mm would be nice, right about now. I believe I could fit that in the pocket of my cords, and with the right pocket protector, it wouldn't print. One of the few benefits of being large enough to have pants you can stow a thick Steven King type novel in your back pocket, or a 9 mm in your front pocket (probably not at the same time, however).
Well, on with things. Good day.
Nice.
.
.
Each day I become stronger. I can't abide the doctors. Their leechcraft would have me crawling on all fours like a beast. I have no wizard, ranger, or paladin, or goodly thief, kings, or princes on my side. I must do what I must. Actually, I am thankful, at this time, not to have a wife. She would help them poison me. Such is the way and intellect of women often. It allows them a freedom from the prison of a man, so they are willing to abide his fall for their gain. No, I will grip my sword and keep it handy. If it kills me I will die free.
After the sucesses, and easy successes, yesterday, today is a fresh start. I didn't end up sleeping until 23:30 or so. The laundry was finished. Today I woke at, roughly 3:30 to 4:30. I wasn't sure I really wanted to roll out but it was time(tm). I took my meds, the dose I can tolerate. I then brushed my teeth. And not wanting to be further frozen in the things of the past, I dressed warmly, turned the heat up a bit, brushed my teeth, and sit considering the gift of this new day.
I will be searching for my shoe polish kit shortly. Barring that, a quick trip to town is in the offing. I will have my shoes polished today, before noon. I will also look over my clothing. I do believe I have some dress cords and a shirt or two from which to choose. I didn't attend shopping yesterday, it was too much of a stretch, with another stop, selection, toting the goods and putting them away. It was too much more to ask from what I had available. The goal is confession, then mass, later today. My other goal, after researching the pistol at the store, is to check on it and see if they will put it up until payday. A post-dated check might convince them, perhaps with a small cash set-aside fee, if that is legal. There are those who disrespect Taurus, and on some cases rightly. But this pistol has been around for a bit and has some solid credentials and fans, it has been vetted. As with all guns, there are going to be bad ones. But I don't hear the furor of a lemon on this one. Further, with the deal, it comes in at well under the competition and has everything I wanted plus an extra chamber. For those who might be interested, HKS also makes a speedloader for it. So, those are my little tasks this day. Oh, and dishes and finishing laundry, as the last bits of my hope for this new day.
I can't wait for the sun to arrive. It won't happen for a bit. I may call my brother today, later, and see what he is doing... No, I think I will wait until Monday. I don't wish to... disturb his family life. Part of our problem in the past has been his wife, to my thinking (which he denies). And perhaps it wasn't her, but his... notion of what she would want (wrongly or not). So I don't want to cause there to be enmity there, or again, or such. Until the relationship is stronger and I understand more, it is best to keep it as uncomplicated as possible. Oh, yes, I see much. Perhaps too much?
I seem to have Lord of the Rings on the mind this morning. It actually isn't so much the movie as it was the general notion of kings, treachery, war, and politics. Dreams of kings and queens and guillotines last night, heavy and deep dreams. I love those deep, pseudo historical dreams. I just wish I could remember more. The dreams just seem to go with Lord of the Rings, it being so king rich and wrought with intrigue and such. Have you ever noticed that kings, emperors, dictators, and the like allow for zero-point projections of power, things by which power may more easily be studied, good only in theory, or for theory, but lousy in reality? Just a thought. While I do believe in a King, that King is not of the realm of failure and flesh. Never mind.
Yep, up, at it, brushed and medicated to a reasonable point, and... waking to get going on the rest of my plans. I didn't want to suggest it yesterday in case this morning I woke all broken up and such. I can't know, quite yet, what any particular day will bring in this brave new world I am negotiating. All I can say is that my slight depreciation of dose, very against my doctor's will, has elevated my status and opened a window to the world probably only limited by my endurance. And my endurance will grow so long as I hold onto hope, and yet forge ahead as well. As I am no simple sheep politically, medically, or religiously, or in any other way, there is some real hope, if to the cost of doing(tm). It is time.
Good day.
.
Each day I become stronger. I can't abide the doctors. Their leechcraft would have me crawling on all fours like a beast. I have no wizard, ranger, or paladin, or goodly thief, kings, or princes on my side. I must do what I must. Actually, I am thankful, at this time, not to have a wife. She would help them poison me. Such is the way and intellect of women often. It allows them a freedom from the prison of a man, so they are willing to abide his fall for their gain. No, I will grip my sword and keep it handy. If it kills me I will die free.
After the sucesses, and easy successes, yesterday, today is a fresh start. I didn't end up sleeping until 23:30 or so. The laundry was finished. Today I woke at, roughly 3:30 to 4:30. I wasn't sure I really wanted to roll out but it was time(tm). I took my meds, the dose I can tolerate. I then brushed my teeth. And not wanting to be further frozen in the things of the past, I dressed warmly, turned the heat up a bit, brushed my teeth, and sit considering the gift of this new day.
I will be searching for my shoe polish kit shortly. Barring that, a quick trip to town is in the offing. I will have my shoes polished today, before noon. I will also look over my clothing. I do believe I have some dress cords and a shirt or two from which to choose. I didn't attend shopping yesterday, it was too much of a stretch, with another stop, selection, toting the goods and putting them away. It was too much more to ask from what I had available. The goal is confession, then mass, later today. My other goal, after researching the pistol at the store, is to check on it and see if they will put it up until payday. A post-dated check might convince them, perhaps with a small cash set-aside fee, if that is legal. There are those who disrespect Taurus, and on some cases rightly. But this pistol has been around for a bit and has some solid credentials and fans, it has been vetted. As with all guns, there are going to be bad ones. But I don't hear the furor of a lemon on this one. Further, with the deal, it comes in at well under the competition and has everything I wanted plus an extra chamber. For those who might be interested, HKS also makes a speedloader for it. So, those are my little tasks this day. Oh, and dishes and finishing laundry, as the last bits of my hope for this new day.
I can't wait for the sun to arrive. It won't happen for a bit. I may call my brother today, later, and see what he is doing... No, I think I will wait until Monday. I don't wish to... disturb his family life. Part of our problem in the past has been his wife, to my thinking (which he denies). And perhaps it wasn't her, but his... notion of what she would want (wrongly or not). So I don't want to cause there to be enmity there, or again, or such. Until the relationship is stronger and I understand more, it is best to keep it as uncomplicated as possible. Oh, yes, I see much. Perhaps too much?
I seem to have Lord of the Rings on the mind this morning. It actually isn't so much the movie as it was the general notion of kings, treachery, war, and politics. Dreams of kings and queens and guillotines last night, heavy and deep dreams. I love those deep, pseudo historical dreams. I just wish I could remember more. The dreams just seem to go with Lord of the Rings, it being so king rich and wrought with intrigue and such. Have you ever noticed that kings, emperors, dictators, and the like allow for zero-point projections of power, things by which power may more easily be studied, good only in theory, or for theory, but lousy in reality? Just a thought. While I do believe in a King, that King is not of the realm of failure and flesh. Never mind.
Yep, up, at it, brushed and medicated to a reasonable point, and... waking to get going on the rest of my plans. I didn't want to suggest it yesterday in case this morning I woke all broken up and such. I can't know, quite yet, what any particular day will bring in this brave new world I am negotiating. All I can say is that my slight depreciation of dose, very against my doctor's will, has elevated my status and opened a window to the world probably only limited by my endurance. And my endurance will grow so long as I hold onto hope, and yet forge ahead as well. As I am no simple sheep politically, medically, or religiously, or in any other way, there is some real hope, if to the cost of doing(tm). It is time.
Good day.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Almost done.
.
.
Wow, nearly three hours have passed since my last post and it seems like moments. I lost track and delayed finishing the laundry. Now one load has been done and the other has about 10 minutes of drying time left and then I will be folding, hanging, or... dumping... the pieces where they go. I will just dump the unders and I really don't feel like folding. But I will be dumping them in a drawer, if that counts.
Quite tired, both of my feet hurt, I think, now that they are out of shoes and socks. I think my right knee is feeling not good too. When I say things hurt, I mean they are uncomfortable. I am sure they are supposed to hurt. And I am limping, which means even if I don't feel pain, my body does react to it. Whatever. So ready for bed. But such a great day!
I have a few things on the schedule for tomorrow. Easy things. One involves a little travel, one involves a slight amount of elbow grease. I am almost afraid to say what the tasks are, in case saying dooms the prospects. Never mind, I'll let you know if I succeed. Not that you care, I understand this. I don't even care, in some ways. But it is putting one foot in front of the other when steps seem impossible, then going as far as you can. That is what it is about, as Jean pointed out. Hush! Do. And if nothing else, you get the sense that I really do try. Perhaps that is what you get from reading here. Even when I physically can't, my mind races on to try and... do. Nothing gets done but... it is figured as if it does, will, should, could. I just can't quit. So just don't quit yourself.
Good night.
.
Wow, nearly three hours have passed since my last post and it seems like moments. I lost track and delayed finishing the laundry. Now one load has been done and the other has about 10 minutes of drying time left and then I will be folding, hanging, or... dumping... the pieces where they go. I will just dump the unders and I really don't feel like folding. But I will be dumping them in a drawer, if that counts.
Quite tired, both of my feet hurt, I think, now that they are out of shoes and socks. I think my right knee is feeling not good too. When I say things hurt, I mean they are uncomfortable. I am sure they are supposed to hurt. And I am limping, which means even if I don't feel pain, my body does react to it. Whatever. So ready for bed. But such a great day!
I have a few things on the schedule for tomorrow. Easy things. One involves a little travel, one involves a slight amount of elbow grease. I am almost afraid to say what the tasks are, in case saying dooms the prospects. Never mind, I'll let you know if I succeed. Not that you care, I understand this. I don't even care, in some ways. But it is putting one foot in front of the other when steps seem impossible, then going as far as you can. That is what it is about, as Jean pointed out. Hush! Do. And if nothing else, you get the sense that I really do try. Perhaps that is what you get from reading here. Even when I physically can't, my mind races on to try and... do. Nothing gets done but... it is figured as if it does, will, should, could. I just can't quit. So just don't quit yourself.
Good night.
All sorts of good things.
.
.
I made it a half an hour late, to my friends. When I got there, and while we were talking, catching up, I told him right off that a half an hour late for me was a half an hour early. He laughed, not because it's funny but because it's true. Well, looks like he is doing fairly well. Though I think he was sick recently too. He just got better about a week before I did. So he has been rearing to go.
First a bit of hither and thither in town. I had been hankering to try some cigars they just got in, Gurka. Yeah, bad heart. Yeah, plaque build up. Yeah, eat me. My arteries are clear and now that edema is gone, my lungs are clear and have a larger capacity than some horses. I ended up buying two of them. Then we went shopping for gloves, looked at some guns, bought something to drink on our trip. It was all good as from the time I picked him up until we headed to the range, the temp went from 51 to 54. Actually it ended up being the perfect temp for shooting.
Two of his gun smithing attempts worked perfectly. His .357, with a new spring set, was smooth as butter. I didn't think it was bad before, and to be honest, it wasn't bad. But compared to now? Now I can remember the gravely feel, the heavy action of levering back the hammer, the somewhat jerky feel. All compared to now. Things I didn't notice until I felt the silk compared to the cotton. His .380, for which he ordered a new slide and installed it with a bit of extra work, as the slide lock failed, now locks back sharply and surely when empty. Oh, and he was dinging things between 40 and 50 yards with that little tweeter. It was amazing, especially since we haven't been shooting in weeks. With the .45, I think the 24 pound spring was too much. The old, worn, original spring was definitely far too soft. He has one more spring to try. A good day though. And I did shoot my .22 rifle a goodly bit. I just love that rifle.
When we returned, we ate at an Italian place. It was a bit ritzier than I had thought. More in price. Perhaps because I haven't been eating and my tastes are off, or simply because they or I was having an off night, I didn't favor the fare. Then again, I was trying a food I had not tried before, veal. It was quite mild tasting. And, actually, I didn't really ever get the sense that I was tasting anything. The sauce was pretty much the flavor. On the good side, it didn't taste bad. There simply was no flavor, itself, from the meat, that I could sense. While the sauce was okay, I wouldn't choose to spend that much for sauce. No worries, I never write a place off irretrievably without a second, maybe even a third try. And the price isn't quite prohibitive, if... it would cause one to think twice. But I finally got to try something I have been waiting a long, very long, time to try. Cannoli. Okay, after waiting this long, again, I wasn't impressed. Now, to be fair, I was beyond tired at that point, I haven't been eating right for some time so my taste buds may be off, and... just random possibilities. Still, the meal was filling.
I then got my friend to his home, stopped and chatted just a bit longer, but dying on the vine I bid him good night. But before leaving, I decided to set up Monday as our next shoot and asked if he wanted to go to Ogden after payday. I probably won't buy much but it has been some great long time since he has gotten to Ogden. Time to go reloading supply shopping! Besides, I have a new expense. My cwp license arrived in the mail (recently) today (I haven't checked my mail in... some time). Time to go gun shopping! I saw a Taurus, 4", with adjustable sights, stainless, that had been used in an 'event' (shot about a hundred times) at a great discount, a hundred off. I am going to look up the gun, and check out reviews. It's a seven shot (seven shot? yes), 4", brushed stainless, ported, .357, with the adjustable sights. Yeah, I like it. I best get in, maybe tomorrow, and see if they will hold it until payday. *So-and-hoozit, "Damn it Doom, you had other plans for that money"! Doom, "Lets think logically here... Shut up".)
Oh, but all that, this, and here and there, and you know what? It was easy. Or far easier than I thought it would be. My right foot is a bit sore. It hasn't been in shoes or walking in a long time. Fair enough. And I am about ready for bed, but it is 20:34, later than I have been up in... ... ... well, in a while. Those stretches of illness seem to last forever. I lose "yesterday" in there. One long nightmarish blur. All better though, it seems. Or at least working on it.
The cats are begging. I do want to finish off the laundry. It has been a long day. So, I will cut it long (too far past anything reasonably to be called cutting it short, but I really could go on, heh). Good night ladies and gentleman. Oh, I think I almost impressed my friend by recognizing a tune by Vivaldi at the Italian restaurant. Anyway. Good night.
.
I made it a half an hour late, to my friends. When I got there, and while we were talking, catching up, I told him right off that a half an hour late for me was a half an hour early. He laughed, not because it's funny but because it's true. Well, looks like he is doing fairly well. Though I think he was sick recently too. He just got better about a week before I did. So he has been rearing to go.
First a bit of hither and thither in town. I had been hankering to try some cigars they just got in, Gurka. Yeah, bad heart. Yeah, plaque build up. Yeah, eat me. My arteries are clear and now that edema is gone, my lungs are clear and have a larger capacity than some horses. I ended up buying two of them. Then we went shopping for gloves, looked at some guns, bought something to drink on our trip. It was all good as from the time I picked him up until we headed to the range, the temp went from 51 to 54. Actually it ended up being the perfect temp for shooting.
Two of his gun smithing attempts worked perfectly. His .357, with a new spring set, was smooth as butter. I didn't think it was bad before, and to be honest, it wasn't bad. But compared to now? Now I can remember the gravely feel, the heavy action of levering back the hammer, the somewhat jerky feel. All compared to now. Things I didn't notice until I felt the silk compared to the cotton. His .380, for which he ordered a new slide and installed it with a bit of extra work, as the slide lock failed, now locks back sharply and surely when empty. Oh, and he was dinging things between 40 and 50 yards with that little tweeter. It was amazing, especially since we haven't been shooting in weeks. With the .45, I think the 24 pound spring was too much. The old, worn, original spring was definitely far too soft. He has one more spring to try. A good day though. And I did shoot my .22 rifle a goodly bit. I just love that rifle.
When we returned, we ate at an Italian place. It was a bit ritzier than I had thought. More in price. Perhaps because I haven't been eating and my tastes are off, or simply because they or I was having an off night, I didn't favor the fare. Then again, I was trying a food I had not tried before, veal. It was quite mild tasting. And, actually, I didn't really ever get the sense that I was tasting anything. The sauce was pretty much the flavor. On the good side, it didn't taste bad. There simply was no flavor, itself, from the meat, that I could sense. While the sauce was okay, I wouldn't choose to spend that much for sauce. No worries, I never write a place off irretrievably without a second, maybe even a third try. And the price isn't quite prohibitive, if... it would cause one to think twice. But I finally got to try something I have been waiting a long, very long, time to try. Cannoli. Okay, after waiting this long, again, I wasn't impressed. Now, to be fair, I was beyond tired at that point, I haven't been eating right for some time so my taste buds may be off, and... just random possibilities. Still, the meal was filling.
I then got my friend to his home, stopped and chatted just a bit longer, but dying on the vine I bid him good night. But before leaving, I decided to set up Monday as our next shoot and asked if he wanted to go to Ogden after payday. I probably won't buy much but it has been some great long time since he has gotten to Ogden. Time to go reloading supply shopping! Besides, I have a new expense. My cwp license arrived in the mail (recently) today (I haven't checked my mail in... some time). Time to go gun shopping! I saw a Taurus, 4", with adjustable sights, stainless, that had been used in an 'event' (shot about a hundred times) at a great discount, a hundred off. I am going to look up the gun, and check out reviews. It's a seven shot (seven shot? yes), 4", brushed stainless, ported, .357, with the adjustable sights. Yeah, I like it. I best get in, maybe tomorrow, and see if they will hold it until payday. *So-and-hoozit, "Damn it Doom, you had other plans for that money"! Doom, "Lets think logically here... Shut up".)
Oh, but all that, this, and here and there, and you know what? It was easy. Or far easier than I thought it would be. My right foot is a bit sore. It hasn't been in shoes or walking in a long time. Fair enough. And I am about ready for bed, but it is 20:34, later than I have been up in... ... ... well, in a while. Those stretches of illness seem to last forever. I lose "yesterday" in there. One long nightmarish blur. All better though, it seems. Or at least working on it.
The cats are begging. I do want to finish off the laundry. It has been a long day. So, I will cut it long (too far past anything reasonably to be called cutting it short, but I really could go on, heh). Good night ladies and gentleman. Oh, I think I almost impressed my friend by recognizing a tune by Vivaldi at the Italian restaurant. Anyway. Good night.
Oh yeah?
.
.
Well, yeah! Okay, so the dishes aren't soaking. But I have finished a load of laundry, mostly (still a bit damp, but time to go and I didn't want to leave the other load in the washer so I put the slightly damp in a basket). I will need to finish drying both when I return, but I'm good with that. The washer has been cloth dried and set open to air dry the rest of the way. The pants I wanted were dry (enough) and the shower was great. So, I am pretty much ready to go. I just need to get the guns and ammo together. This will be my last load over to my friend, the last of his stuff I have in stock. I believe I will just take the Henry .22. I love that little rifle, after a bit of fuss getting it to shoot straight.
I will be just a few minutes late. Not bad by my standards. My friend will actually be pleased, if he would rather already be heading out. We, as humans, are funny that way. It looks like a nice day. It will be cool though. So I have put on my super underwears and layered just a bit. My gloves are in the X. While they will be cold, my friend needs heat so I will be warming the X and the gloves up on the way to get him. All good.
I best be off. Later.
.
Well, yeah! Okay, so the dishes aren't soaking. But I have finished a load of laundry, mostly (still a bit damp, but time to go and I didn't want to leave the other load in the washer so I put the slightly damp in a basket). I will need to finish drying both when I return, but I'm good with that. The washer has been cloth dried and set open to air dry the rest of the way. The pants I wanted were dry (enough) and the shower was great. So, I am pretty much ready to go. I just need to get the guns and ammo together. This will be my last load over to my friend, the last of his stuff I have in stock. I believe I will just take the Henry .22. I love that little rifle, after a bit of fuss getting it to shoot straight.
I will be just a few minutes late. Not bad by my standards. My friend will actually be pleased, if he would rather already be heading out. We, as humans, are funny that way. It looks like a nice day. It will be cool though. So I have put on my super underwears and layered just a bit. My gloves are in the X. While they will be cold, my friend needs heat so I will be warming the X and the gloves up on the way to get him. All good.
I best be off. Later.
Holy c-c-c-crap!
.
.
I sorted laundry early. Wanting to get that going first thing, as the pants I want to wear are in the laundry, I set about it all. After sorting, then compiling into the basket, finding a few things that hadn't made it to the basket in the first place, I grabbed the basket and headed into the laundry room. Initially, just in my underwear and a sleeveless t-shirt. WoW was it cold! I dropped the basket, turned up the heat, and decided to start on laundry when it warmed up back there. Mind you, I was not all that awake at that moment. So, just a bit ago, This time wearing sweats, a jacket, a baseball hat, and thinking it might be warmer. Not one degree warmer! I about just did a u-turn, thinking to do it even later. Then I thought, you know, this isn't the way it was last winter. I checked the windows. Open, every one of them. BrrrrrrrrH! So, I closed them and went ahead and put the first wash in. As long as the front loader takes, and the way I dry things (on fluff until nearly done, then if needed cotton or whatever is appropriate), I will at best get two, maybe three loads though. I'm still reeling from that slap of cold though. Wouch. Wakey wakey?
Sam wanted out. So I let her out. Sassy wanted to follow. But... it was daytime! Sassy has patently refused to venture out in the sun to date. This morning, though, it looked like she really wanted to follow Sam. Unfinished business between the two, copycatitis, or just because I will never know... her diary is beyond my capacity to translate. In any case, I nudged her just a bit, and after a brief pause, out she went! Ah, so cute watching them get all growed up. Their little venture lasted as long as my first attempt at laundry, and I think for the same reason. It is c-c-c-cold this morning!
The coffee I put on earlier has grown cold itself. Have you ever noticed that if you chill yourself to the bone somehow that room temperature drinks then taste chilled? Maybe it is just me. I ought to eat something soon. A few rounds of salami and some of that excellent gorgonzola cheese. I used to enjoy plain crackers, you know, the square saltines, with this mix. After having some Italian seasoned ones, however, the saltines are simply not up to it anymore. Why do I have to go and ruin a perfectly good thing? Meh, another thing on my list.
Dishes have snuck up on me. But nothing out of control at this point. A quick soak, and perhaps when I return from this afternoons outing I may lay my hands to those porcelain, steel, aluminum, and plastic bandits. And good timing too. I hope to buy some meats and fire up the grill for fresh meat tonight. A couple of family sized packets of chicken and some beef ribs on the bone, cooked and refrigerated, will last me a good week, along with the beans and rice. Perhaps a few steaks for later in the week and into next month, and some hamburger for... whenever. I enjoy a little hamburger or two, from time to time, or fried with the beans and rice, satisfies like nobody's business. And perhaps some more salami. I have cheese to last.
Well, time to... do something. A shower? I never quite did get to that yet. I'm... right on it! Later.
.
I sorted laundry early. Wanting to get that going first thing, as the pants I want to wear are in the laundry, I set about it all. After sorting, then compiling into the basket, finding a few things that hadn't made it to the basket in the first place, I grabbed the basket and headed into the laundry room. Initially, just in my underwear and a sleeveless t-shirt. WoW was it cold! I dropped the basket, turned up the heat, and decided to start on laundry when it warmed up back there. Mind you, I was not all that awake at that moment. So, just a bit ago, This time wearing sweats, a jacket, a baseball hat, and thinking it might be warmer. Not one degree warmer! I about just did a u-turn, thinking to do it even later. Then I thought, you know, this isn't the way it was last winter. I checked the windows. Open, every one of them. BrrrrrrrrH! So, I closed them and went ahead and put the first wash in. As long as the front loader takes, and the way I dry things (on fluff until nearly done, then if needed cotton or whatever is appropriate), I will at best get two, maybe three loads though. I'm still reeling from that slap of cold though. Wouch. Wakey wakey?
Sam wanted out. So I let her out. Sassy wanted to follow. But... it was daytime! Sassy has patently refused to venture out in the sun to date. This morning, though, it looked like she really wanted to follow Sam. Unfinished business between the two, copycatitis, or just because I will never know... her diary is beyond my capacity to translate. In any case, I nudged her just a bit, and after a brief pause, out she went! Ah, so cute watching them get all growed up. Their little venture lasted as long as my first attempt at laundry, and I think for the same reason. It is c-c-c-cold this morning!
The coffee I put on earlier has grown cold itself. Have you ever noticed that if you chill yourself to the bone somehow that room temperature drinks then taste chilled? Maybe it is just me. I ought to eat something soon. A few rounds of salami and some of that excellent gorgonzola cheese. I used to enjoy plain crackers, you know, the square saltines, with this mix. After having some Italian seasoned ones, however, the saltines are simply not up to it anymore. Why do I have to go and ruin a perfectly good thing? Meh, another thing on my list.
Dishes have snuck up on me. But nothing out of control at this point. A quick soak, and perhaps when I return from this afternoons outing I may lay my hands to those porcelain, steel, aluminum, and plastic bandits. And good timing too. I hope to buy some meats and fire up the grill for fresh meat tonight. A couple of family sized packets of chicken and some beef ribs on the bone, cooked and refrigerated, will last me a good week, along with the beans and rice. Perhaps a few steaks for later in the week and into next month, and some hamburger for... whenever. I enjoy a little hamburger or two, from time to time, or fried with the beans and rice, satisfies like nobody's business. And perhaps some more salami. I have cheese to last.
Well, time to... do something. A shower? I never quite did get to that yet. I'm... right on it! Later.
Same time, same place, different day.
.
.
Of course, with me, two days are more like to snow flakes than anything else... very different. But the facts as described are real enough to pass muster. Weighing in this morning, somehow I gained seven pounds overnight. Thems must have been some serious dream meals! No, fluids do that. Lose so many pounds and the body must think it's dying and fights to retain again. Something weird like that. It has always been the case. Though a jump of seven pounds is pretty nasty.
Today will be, pretty much, the first day out without an appointment driving me out. At high noon at the O.K. Corral? Not quite. But sort of. Guns and ornery men, bravado, and a bit of rebelliousness is involved. The targets don't shoot back though. I have checked my finances, it seems I can afford to send that package to my lady friend, do some shopping, eat a meal, and still be within budget.
The last two months have simply dinged my finances a bit heavily. Not so much my mother being here. I just had odd bill after odd crisis. I think I have changed my bills so that they are all paid directly, not through problematic debit cards. When a debit card is cancelled, all such bills stop being paid and I don't necessarily check my bills very often when they are on auto pay. I suppose I should but it is an easy thing to not do when I have to start cutting back on my activities. Well, it does add some excitement to an otherwise rather drab life.
Waking at a little after 1:30, I tried to force sleep again. No dice. Up and at it was the only option. It looks like 3G is back on my phone but the batteries are near dead. Ah well. Weight and morning meds have been dealt with. I put on a pot of coffee. In an hour or two, after some coffee and wake time, I will get my shower in early and be dressed and ready to go well in advance of the time to go. I might even hit the laundry and dishes or sort through this or that.
Oh, I had a most interesting dream. Some woman was here, from the Church. And she was going on about this or that and I put the screws to her (having nothing to do with anything physical). I hammered her liberalism. She went away, sore it seems. So a priest arrived and asked what I thought I was doing. I told him. He went away. Then a group of men arrived from the Church, forms of clergy and specially trained laymen. They asked me questions. I answered rightly, save one. They asked me what would happen if a Church family was unrightly being threatened by a biker club (say, they had witnessed a murder by chance or some such, so innocent of the threat to them). I suggested prayer. They suggested the Church has other means of dealing with this, but I don't remember the answer. Drats! I am curious, even if it is just a dream.
Oh, a problem with the Amazon shopping effect. While internet shopping does lower costs it also makes it so that stores don't carry as many items. Further, items get boosts from initial sales while not getting good solid longer term reviews. For example, I have been looking for the perfect rice cooker for my mother. She enjoys her stir fry, and with her guy. But rice is a rather odious thing to prepare, more so the brown varietals, then time and keep warm. I have been looking at what is available. The top tier of rice cookers get rave reviews, and lots of them. But after some serious digging, after looking at the negs, I found that the various top tier cookers fail after anywhere from a year to three years, and it is a design flaw (or indiscreet planned obsolescence). The battery that runs the logic chips is impossible to change by a non-tech, without special tools, and dies in three years and other items are not built very well. Step it down to medium tier and you find construction or cleaning problems. Below that, you get crappy rice. But little of this would you know by reading the reviews (from new buyers and in a wasteful society). But nowhere can I find the rice cookers to look at them in person, look at the instruction manuals (often complicated and translated poorly from Japanese or Chinese into pig-English). The way of the future, I suppose.
Well, on with my day. Good day.
.
Of course, with me, two days are more like to snow flakes than anything else... very different. But the facts as described are real enough to pass muster. Weighing in this morning, somehow I gained seven pounds overnight. Thems must have been some serious dream meals! No, fluids do that. Lose so many pounds and the body must think it's dying and fights to retain again. Something weird like that. It has always been the case. Though a jump of seven pounds is pretty nasty.
Today will be, pretty much, the first day out without an appointment driving me out. At high noon at the O.K. Corral? Not quite. But sort of. Guns and ornery men, bravado, and a bit of rebelliousness is involved. The targets don't shoot back though. I have checked my finances, it seems I can afford to send that package to my lady friend, do some shopping, eat a meal, and still be within budget.
The last two months have simply dinged my finances a bit heavily. Not so much my mother being here. I just had odd bill after odd crisis. I think I have changed my bills so that they are all paid directly, not through problematic debit cards. When a debit card is cancelled, all such bills stop being paid and I don't necessarily check my bills very often when they are on auto pay. I suppose I should but it is an easy thing to not do when I have to start cutting back on my activities. Well, it does add some excitement to an otherwise rather drab life.
Waking at a little after 1:30, I tried to force sleep again. No dice. Up and at it was the only option. It looks like 3G is back on my phone but the batteries are near dead. Ah well. Weight and morning meds have been dealt with. I put on a pot of coffee. In an hour or two, after some coffee and wake time, I will get my shower in early and be dressed and ready to go well in advance of the time to go. I might even hit the laundry and dishes or sort through this or that.
Oh, I had a most interesting dream. Some woman was here, from the Church. And she was going on about this or that and I put the screws to her (having nothing to do with anything physical). I hammered her liberalism. She went away, sore it seems. So a priest arrived and asked what I thought I was doing. I told him. He went away. Then a group of men arrived from the Church, forms of clergy and specially trained laymen. They asked me questions. I answered rightly, save one. They asked me what would happen if a Church family was unrightly being threatened by a biker club (say, they had witnessed a murder by chance or some such, so innocent of the threat to them). I suggested prayer. They suggested the Church has other means of dealing with this, but I don't remember the answer. Drats! I am curious, even if it is just a dream.
Oh, a problem with the Amazon shopping effect. While internet shopping does lower costs it also makes it so that stores don't carry as many items. Further, items get boosts from initial sales while not getting good solid longer term reviews. For example, I have been looking for the perfect rice cooker for my mother. She enjoys her stir fry, and with her guy. But rice is a rather odious thing to prepare, more so the brown varietals, then time and keep warm. I have been looking at what is available. The top tier of rice cookers get rave reviews, and lots of them. But after some serious digging, after looking at the negs, I found that the various top tier cookers fail after anywhere from a year to three years, and it is a design flaw (or indiscreet planned obsolescence). The battery that runs the logic chips is impossible to change by a non-tech, without special tools, and dies in three years and other items are not built very well. Step it down to medium tier and you find construction or cleaning problems. Below that, you get crappy rice. But little of this would you know by reading the reviews (from new buyers and in a wasteful society). But nowhere can I find the rice cookers to look at them in person, look at the instruction manuals (often complicated and translated poorly from Japanese or Chinese into pig-English). The way of the future, I suppose.
Well, on with my day. Good day.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Well?
.
.
Okay, not today. I had something I forgot to change until it was too late. No problems, I enjoy having the missionaries over. And it is running a little too close to bedtime to try and add four or five hours of shooting and miscellany on top of it. But I did call my friend. Tomorrow will work, around noon which is early enough in my somewhat weak but strengthening foray into daylight. I am going to try and get in a bit early, my phone is having problems with 3G. Actually, the connection isn't even showing up. And I want to buy a Gerka. I have wanted to try those cigars for a long time.
Not much else going on. But I have had an easy time of staying up to almost 16:00. I think I am going to try and push it on up to 19:00 if I can. I won't stretch beyond sanity though. If I can just low and slow it, it might work. I slept until 1:30 or 2:00, I think. Perhaps I can sleep until later tonight. Better and better, more weight off, and I am starting to wonder if I have just missed another bullet.
Good night, or soon enough.
.
Okay, not today. I had something I forgot to change until it was too late. No problems, I enjoy having the missionaries over. And it is running a little too close to bedtime to try and add four or five hours of shooting and miscellany on top of it. But I did call my friend. Tomorrow will work, around noon which is early enough in my somewhat weak but strengthening foray into daylight. I am going to try and get in a bit early, my phone is having problems with 3G. Actually, the connection isn't even showing up. And I want to buy a Gerka. I have wanted to try those cigars for a long time.
Not much else going on. But I have had an easy time of staying up to almost 16:00. I think I am going to try and push it on up to 19:00 if I can. I won't stretch beyond sanity though. If I can just low and slow it, it might work. I slept until 1:30 or 2:00, I think. Perhaps I can sleep until later tonight. Better and better, more weight off, and I am starting to wonder if I have just missed another bullet.
Good night, or soon enough.
A new day.
.
.
Possibly in more ways then one. At 7:30 it was still dark. I checked my watch, and another clock just to make sure, so as to not call my mother at some weird hour of the night, as I have done when in a confused state. Yes, the time was right. So, a quick call just to catch up, say hello, pass on some news, catch up on some news, and, well... Do you remember as children, when our parents were everything. And sometimes we hated them for it? They weren't always fair, sometimes they didn't even try! They owned all money and would sometimes share it, sometimes not. We didn't know why. It didn't always make sense to us. And then we got out as fast as we could, most of us about the time we graduated because we were afraid of the options. You know, really, that was a pretty good life. Even mine, compared to what the world dishes out. Oh, I know, it was too small of a world to contain us. I guess it is still fair to reminisce? Anyway, that was a part of the call today. Especially after having spoken with my brother after... 18 years? That brought back a lot.
When the sun rose today, it was different. The last few weeks, when the sun would rise, it hurt me. If you want to know how, stay up overnight and look at the sun. Now do that several weeks in a row. The sun takes on a sinister, almost chilling in a way, sense. It assaults the mind, hurts the eyes, and just... looks wrong. Today the sun was... just the sun. It was where and when it was supposed to be, as was I. It was comforting. Not quite as good as usual, but more normal somehow.
I won't swear to it, but I might make it to town today. The odds are better, if not sure, the longer the day goes on. I made a breakfast. I think I added too much to my egg scramble though, too many things in the mix. While not bad, it was simply... bland? Then again food isn't tasting all that good recently.
I have decided that I probably am depressed at times. Not psychologically, though. I think of it as a mechanical depression. Whether it is from the weak heart function, liver or kidney issues, which all come or go, or some other physical ailment, the result is the same. Prozac, or whatever else they are pushing now, won't fix it. It isn't of the mind. It is the mind being acted on by an ill body. I don't think there is a cure, save a healthier body. Just a note so that I keep square with reality.
Yep, very possibly a visit with my friend, and getting him out shooting. He has done some gunsmithing and needs to check his work. Then a bit of shopping and maybe a meal to finish off our visit. Climbing out of the coffin for a day on the town with the crew, I suppose. I would certainly enjoy it. Well, as much as I am able to enjoy anything. Sometimes, like with pain, though I don't have a felt perception, I notice little indicators. Joy, flavor, pain, all are things I only peripherally notice. Such a shame, even pain is a good thing for many reasons, to include letting one know that they do indeed yet live.
I have been brushing my teeth much more regularly. Now that I am having someone look at them occasionally. Something about shame, hope, and having things out in the open. I am actually timing both the brushing and the rinsing. At two minutes each, I have noticed some significant improvements. While not quite to flossing, I am using my plastic toothpicks heavily again. I can't wait until I can afford a month and a half of patches to quit chewing. That might help, though the truth is, tobacco kills bacteria. On the bad side, it kills bad AND good bacteria.
Well, on to other things. Have a good day.
.
Possibly in more ways then one. At 7:30 it was still dark. I checked my watch, and another clock just to make sure, so as to not call my mother at some weird hour of the night, as I have done when in a confused state. Yes, the time was right. So, a quick call just to catch up, say hello, pass on some news, catch up on some news, and, well... Do you remember as children, when our parents were everything. And sometimes we hated them for it? They weren't always fair, sometimes they didn't even try! They owned all money and would sometimes share it, sometimes not. We didn't know why. It didn't always make sense to us. And then we got out as fast as we could, most of us about the time we graduated because we were afraid of the options. You know, really, that was a pretty good life. Even mine, compared to what the world dishes out. Oh, I know, it was too small of a world to contain us. I guess it is still fair to reminisce? Anyway, that was a part of the call today. Especially after having spoken with my brother after... 18 years? That brought back a lot.
When the sun rose today, it was different. The last few weeks, when the sun would rise, it hurt me. If you want to know how, stay up overnight and look at the sun. Now do that several weeks in a row. The sun takes on a sinister, almost chilling in a way, sense. It assaults the mind, hurts the eyes, and just... looks wrong. Today the sun was... just the sun. It was where and when it was supposed to be, as was I. It was comforting. Not quite as good as usual, but more normal somehow.
I won't swear to it, but I might make it to town today. The odds are better, if not sure, the longer the day goes on. I made a breakfast. I think I added too much to my egg scramble though, too many things in the mix. While not bad, it was simply... bland? Then again food isn't tasting all that good recently.
I have decided that I probably am depressed at times. Not psychologically, though. I think of it as a mechanical depression. Whether it is from the weak heart function, liver or kidney issues, which all come or go, or some other physical ailment, the result is the same. Prozac, or whatever else they are pushing now, won't fix it. It isn't of the mind. It is the mind being acted on by an ill body. I don't think there is a cure, save a healthier body. Just a note so that I keep square with reality.
Yep, very possibly a visit with my friend, and getting him out shooting. He has done some gunsmithing and needs to check his work. Then a bit of shopping and maybe a meal to finish off our visit. Climbing out of the coffin for a day on the town with the crew, I suppose. I would certainly enjoy it. Well, as much as I am able to enjoy anything. Sometimes, like with pain, though I don't have a felt perception, I notice little indicators. Joy, flavor, pain, all are things I only peripherally notice. Such a shame, even pain is a good thing for many reasons, to include letting one know that they do indeed yet live.
I have been brushing my teeth much more regularly. Now that I am having someone look at them occasionally. Something about shame, hope, and having things out in the open. I am actually timing both the brushing and the rinsing. At two minutes each, I have noticed some significant improvements. While not quite to flossing, I am using my plastic toothpicks heavily again. I can't wait until I can afford a month and a half of patches to quit chewing. That might help, though the truth is, tobacco kills bacteria. On the bad side, it kills bad AND good bacteria.
Well, on to other things. Have a good day.
A new day, a new chance.
.
.
I was able to go back to sleep several times, finally running out of steam to sleep somewhere between 1:30 and 2:00. That three and a half plus hours of sleep might make it more possible to extend my day. And, if I can, I will go to town. I do feel sort of beat up, like the proverbial salmon who survived breeding and is making his way back to sea.
I forgot medicine yesterday. No, not intentional at all, and I am back on it. It is just that I needed to set up my medicines again and never got to it. It seems like such an easy thing, and, really, it is. It is a matter of keeping it in my mind until I can focus on the task. There is the trick. I failed. No harm no foul, I am not dead. I bought vitamins and aspirin when I was taking my mother to the airport for her return flight but I cannot find those. I need to buy more. I really hate that. It's only $20 or so, but when I only have $60 to see me to the end of the month without digging into my paltry savings, it is disheartening.
I am seriously going to push to get to town today. The vitamins and aspirin, some meats and milk, butter and cream, and hopefully to get my friend out to shoot! I am feeling better on top of the other days. I will swear to nothing, however. I am simply too thin in what it takes to do anything with any surety. Oh, and I lost another two pounds. Weight is dropping off. I don't really know how, why. I only track it and, really, like it. In a few weeks to a month, I might be back to 264. At which point, if possible, I might make a run for 250, or even 240. I think 250 is the magic number. At that point I will be more capable of physical activity. I also understand that if I hit 250, and begin working out, I will gain weight quickly.
Working out. Dealing with weight gain through muscle development. Then losing more fat. It's not quite as straightforward as it seems. It is more akin to a puzzle where you try to put it all together in some convoluted order to win some prize. It is difficult for me to look in the mirror. At one time I was 240, wore a 31 inch waist, and benched over 550. I will never be there again. Perhaps I peaked a little early. Then again, just a few summers ago, I got back up to pressing 400. If I can just get and stick with it. The problem is it is not just willpower. That bum ticker is an s.o.b. It affects body, mind, or both. And for no good cause and without seeming rhyme or reason. Working on that...
Well, later. Have a great day.
.
I was able to go back to sleep several times, finally running out of steam to sleep somewhere between 1:30 and 2:00. That three and a half plus hours of sleep might make it more possible to extend my day. And, if I can, I will go to town. I do feel sort of beat up, like the proverbial salmon who survived breeding and is making his way back to sea.
I forgot medicine yesterday. No, not intentional at all, and I am back on it. It is just that I needed to set up my medicines again and never got to it. It seems like such an easy thing, and, really, it is. It is a matter of keeping it in my mind until I can focus on the task. There is the trick. I failed. No harm no foul, I am not dead. I bought vitamins and aspirin when I was taking my mother to the airport for her return flight but I cannot find those. I need to buy more. I really hate that. It's only $20 or so, but when I only have $60 to see me to the end of the month without digging into my paltry savings, it is disheartening.
I am seriously going to push to get to town today. The vitamins and aspirin, some meats and milk, butter and cream, and hopefully to get my friend out to shoot! I am feeling better on top of the other days. I will swear to nothing, however. I am simply too thin in what it takes to do anything with any surety. Oh, and I lost another two pounds. Weight is dropping off. I don't really know how, why. I only track it and, really, like it. In a few weeks to a month, I might be back to 264. At which point, if possible, I might make a run for 250, or even 240. I think 250 is the magic number. At that point I will be more capable of physical activity. I also understand that if I hit 250, and begin working out, I will gain weight quickly.
Working out. Dealing with weight gain through muscle development. Then losing more fat. It's not quite as straightforward as it seems. It is more akin to a puzzle where you try to put it all together in some convoluted order to win some prize. It is difficult for me to look in the mirror. At one time I was 240, wore a 31 inch waist, and benched over 550. I will never be there again. Perhaps I peaked a little early. Then again, just a few summers ago, I got back up to pressing 400. If I can just get and stick with it. The problem is it is not just willpower. That bum ticker is an s.o.b. It affects body, mind, or both. And for no good cause and without seeming rhyme or reason. Working on that...
Well, later. Have a great day.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
At almost 11:00...
.
.
Not even noon and I am crashing hard. I am not sure if anything will help me stay awake. You know that feeling you get, when your hands feel like balloons, because you are in pain? Well, no pain, just the feeling. My guess is that it hurts, I just can't feel it. Seriously. In the last three weeks I have scraped off chunks of skin. One, after we rearranged my bedroom and the raw ends of the bed, where the endboard is supposed to attach, caught me good. It tore a chunk of skin down to the meat off my shin, larger than a silver dollar. It also ripped a seven inch gash on my foot. Then, recently, I ripped a dime sized chunk off my right index finger. Oddly, messing with the microwave. The door did it as my left hand was shutting the door and my right hand didn't know in time. That door took off a good chunk of skin, again to the meat. No pain. I just don't feel pain. I can tell by other means that I am in pain, and one of those is the feeling that my hands are swollen. Something to do with dissociation I suppose. On the good side, my foot and shin have healed completely. Not bad for a diabetic with advanced heart failure. *grins*
I can't make it in today, obviously. At times like these, I really wonder if I am dying. I doubt it. I have gone through these things before and come through fine. In the past I would lose all track of what is going on. Now, doing better, at least if I limit medication, I know what is happening but can do nothing about it. It is getting better. I think. But gee is this a pain. Can't work, can't eat, can't even play. Sucks. Ah well, time will get me through this.
I best go to bed. Before it hurts bad enough that I really can feel it. Good... night...
.
Not even noon and I am crashing hard. I am not sure if anything will help me stay awake. You know that feeling you get, when your hands feel like balloons, because you are in pain? Well, no pain, just the feeling. My guess is that it hurts, I just can't feel it. Seriously. In the last three weeks I have scraped off chunks of skin. One, after we rearranged my bedroom and the raw ends of the bed, where the endboard is supposed to attach, caught me good. It tore a chunk of skin down to the meat off my shin, larger than a silver dollar. It also ripped a seven inch gash on my foot. Then, recently, I ripped a dime sized chunk off my right index finger. Oddly, messing with the microwave. The door did it as my left hand was shutting the door and my right hand didn't know in time. That door took off a good chunk of skin, again to the meat. No pain. I just don't feel pain. I can tell by other means that I am in pain, and one of those is the feeling that my hands are swollen. Something to do with dissociation I suppose. On the good side, my foot and shin have healed completely. Not bad for a diabetic with advanced heart failure. *grins*
I can't make it in today, obviously. At times like these, I really wonder if I am dying. I doubt it. I have gone through these things before and come through fine. In the past I would lose all track of what is going on. Now, doing better, at least if I limit medication, I know what is happening but can do nothing about it. It is getting better. I think. But gee is this a pain. Can't work, can't eat, can't even play. Sucks. Ah well, time will get me through this.
I best go to bed. Before it hurts bad enough that I really can feel it. Good... night...
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
(%*$(*^_*_!
.
.
Oh, nothing serious. When I go to bed at 6:00? I sleep until 22:00. When I go to bed at 14:00 or 15:00? I snap awake by 22:00. Two days in a row. I suppose that I am somehow cutting my sleep time is good, but it messes everything up. My friend called today but I missed the call. I knew I couldn't get to town when I saw the call and I hate dealing with bad news when I am already broken. I have a plan. Never worry, it too may fail. But dang it... I'm going to try something else. If what you are doing keeps failing, do... something else? I'll let you know if it worked.
I am feeling, again, ever so slightly better. I have lost 12 pounds since my high weight mark, losing two pounds just since yesterday. At 278, my goal isn't the 264 I was at as a low, but 250. I think at that point I can begin being more physically active, even in the cold. You may not remember but, when I didn't have a place to store up food, and instead of just blowing money I put it in seriously good winter gear. I still need a serious parka and gloves, and would like better pack boots but for more moderate weather I should be fine. But I have the underwear, long and short, snow pants, head gear, socks, and some other stuff. I do have what I need, should I want to go out when it gets down to even 20 below, just not the serious cold. Then again, I'm not very prone to frostbite. When I went out with my lady friend, cross country skiing, with plenty of spills and such, I didn't have anything over my ears or on my head actually at all, for five hours counting the time we were setting up, and taking down, and I doubt if the high that day hit 20 F. Don't try that at home. And no, my ears were warm the whole time. Only my feet got a bit cool, but the boots they offer at rentals are wretched for warmth, though I might have started cooling off anyway as I became tired and the last half of the time out was not strenuous as it was all down hill.
Even to be considering getting out, even to be trying to see my friend, all upgrades from the week or so in which I couldn't remember my name. Perhaps my cut in medication will be enough. I will make that decision next Monday, give or take. If I can't do the few things I need and want to do, if I am still stuck, I will take it down just a bit more. At least I can sort of keep on top of things, mentally. The cats have been being fed but... the kitty litter? Ugh... I just realized I have missed doing that. And the trash needs to go out, what of it there is. At least when I am down, trash simply doesn't pile up. But laundry does. Arghhhgghghgh!
I'm... on it. Right on it. Hahahaha.
Later.
.
Oh, nothing serious. When I go to bed at 6:00? I sleep until 22:00. When I go to bed at 14:00 or 15:00? I snap awake by 22:00. Two days in a row. I suppose that I am somehow cutting my sleep time is good, but it messes everything up. My friend called today but I missed the call. I knew I couldn't get to town when I saw the call and I hate dealing with bad news when I am already broken. I have a plan. Never worry, it too may fail. But dang it... I'm going to try something else. If what you are doing keeps failing, do... something else? I'll let you know if it worked.
I am feeling, again, ever so slightly better. I have lost 12 pounds since my high weight mark, losing two pounds just since yesterday. At 278, my goal isn't the 264 I was at as a low, but 250. I think at that point I can begin being more physically active, even in the cold. You may not remember but, when I didn't have a place to store up food, and instead of just blowing money I put it in seriously good winter gear. I still need a serious parka and gloves, and would like better pack boots but for more moderate weather I should be fine. But I have the underwear, long and short, snow pants, head gear, socks, and some other stuff. I do have what I need, should I want to go out when it gets down to even 20 below, just not the serious cold. Then again, I'm not very prone to frostbite. When I went out with my lady friend, cross country skiing, with plenty of spills and such, I didn't have anything over my ears or on my head actually at all, for five hours counting the time we were setting up, and taking down, and I doubt if the high that day hit 20 F. Don't try that at home. And no, my ears were warm the whole time. Only my feet got a bit cool, but the boots they offer at rentals are wretched for warmth, though I might have started cooling off anyway as I became tired and the last half of the time out was not strenuous as it was all down hill.
Even to be considering getting out, even to be trying to see my friend, all upgrades from the week or so in which I couldn't remember my name. Perhaps my cut in medication will be enough. I will make that decision next Monday, give or take. If I can't do the few things I need and want to do, if I am still stuck, I will take it down just a bit more. At least I can sort of keep on top of things, mentally. The cats have been being fed but... the kitty litter? Ugh... I just realized I have missed doing that. And the trash needs to go out, what of it there is. At least when I am down, trash simply doesn't pile up. But laundry does. Arghhhgghghgh!
I'm... on it. Right on it. Hahahaha.
Later.
Round 2!
.
.
Okay, so I made it through parts of yesterday's plan. I did stay up a good part of the day and I did speak with my brother, if he called right before I was going to call. Sneaky. I'll bet he reads my blog and knew what I was going to do, and when. I'm not sure how I feel about people who know me reading here. Then again, I am pretty sure a fair number of them do. How they find my blog is anybodies guess. I certainly don't hand it out. Bored people and the wiles of the internet.
So, I am up, it is 9:43 or something. I should eat something. I haven't been able to eat well lately. I do try but food, cooking, eating... just hasn't been working. Nibbling is the best way to describe my meals lately. I need to stay awake until around noon, then begin trying to call my friend. Perhaps he will want to go shooting, or shopping, or out for a meal.
I think I am feeling better, just a bit. And yesterday's efforts didn't end up hurting quite as bad as I had anticipated. Perhaps I can do something besides just feel better. There are a thousand things, it seems, on my plate. Lots of things to do just... no way to see myself through to them. If I get into town, I hope to do a bit of shopping. Some meats would be very nice. I need meat like some people need coffee or such. Probably more so. Fresh cooked meat, and better ripe off the bone, might just be what I need lots of. A steak or two, chicken hindquarters, a roast, some chops. Food, real food.
Wish me well in my endeavors?
.
Okay, so I made it through parts of yesterday's plan. I did stay up a good part of the day and I did speak with my brother, if he called right before I was going to call. Sneaky. I'll bet he reads my blog and knew what I was going to do, and when. I'm not sure how I feel about people who know me reading here. Then again, I am pretty sure a fair number of them do. How they find my blog is anybodies guess. I certainly don't hand it out. Bored people and the wiles of the internet.
So, I am up, it is 9:43 or something. I should eat something. I haven't been able to eat well lately. I do try but food, cooking, eating... just hasn't been working. Nibbling is the best way to describe my meals lately. I need to stay awake until around noon, then begin trying to call my friend. Perhaps he will want to go shooting, or shopping, or out for a meal.
I think I am feeling better, just a bit. And yesterday's efforts didn't end up hurting quite as bad as I had anticipated. Perhaps I can do something besides just feel better. There are a thousand things, it seems, on my plate. Lots of things to do just... no way to see myself through to them. If I get into town, I hope to do a bit of shopping. Some meats would be very nice. I need meat like some people need coffee or such. Probably more so. Fresh cooked meat, and better ripe off the bone, might just be what I need lots of. A steak or two, chicken hindquarters, a roast, some chops. Food, real food.
Wish me well in my endeavors?
Monday, October 24, 2011
I'm going to try.
.
.
It is about bedtime. But I am going to stay up until 11:00 and call my brother. And then, if I have any capacity left over, I am going to call my friend and see if he wants to go shoot. I won't be shooting myself, or perhaps the .22 rifle. Then, if he wants to go and would like to do some shopping and then wants to stop and eat somewhere, we could do that too. I will have to figure out something for tomorrow as well. A few phone calls and some business, but put them into my phone calender. Wednesday I can try and make services at noon, and then a light lunch somewhere.
This is going to hurt. I am finally at a place where this kind of pain might be worth the effort and pay off. I can't be sure it will work, or that I will make it. But I think I can give it a try. I have turned the furnace up, am trying to keep a bit of food in my stomach at all times, just a snack here and there, but of good foods, and keeping personally warm. As well, I will be setting a pot of coffee on in a short bit. I want to wait until I really need it and yet I need to drink it before it is too late. I have had zero caffeine lately, so it might hook me up well. Wish me luck?
Good... day? Ha! We will see.
.
It is about bedtime. But I am going to stay up until 11:00 and call my brother. And then, if I have any capacity left over, I am going to call my friend and see if he wants to go shoot. I won't be shooting myself, or perhaps the .22 rifle. Then, if he wants to go and would like to do some shopping and then wants to stop and eat somewhere, we could do that too. I will have to figure out something for tomorrow as well. A few phone calls and some business, but put them into my phone calender. Wednesday I can try and make services at noon, and then a light lunch somewhere.
This is going to hurt. I am finally at a place where this kind of pain might be worth the effort and pay off. I can't be sure it will work, or that I will make it. But I think I can give it a try. I have turned the furnace up, am trying to keep a bit of food in my stomach at all times, just a snack here and there, but of good foods, and keeping personally warm. As well, I will be setting a pot of coffee on in a short bit. I want to wait until I really need it and yet I need to drink it before it is too late. I have had zero caffeine lately, so it might hook me up well. Wish me luck?
Good... day? Ha! We will see.
Vampire days.
.
.
Going to bed at 6:00, waking at dusk. Yeah, that is just how it is going. That brief reprieve granted by the medication stoppage is gone. Beyond, I am still rather limited in function. I have been taking the medication, regularly as possible. I have lost another five pounds, from the peak. I am trying to figure out how to get back on my feet. It's just a crawl. I would love to simply cut the dose again. But, as I said, I will maintain this level for two weeks (so another week and change) before re-evaluating. I really do need to, probably, go slow with the medicines. Even if I was sure I was going to cut it, I would wait for a bit. I have probably just gotten lucky, so far, with drastic changes. Or not, but why push it?
My lady friend called. It seems she needs a lamp. I had purchased one for when she visited, after I moved out from living with her. Actually I purchased several, but one was just for her. It was meant to be arranged for when she visited but the arrangement was never set up. In any case, I offered that to her. I suggested that it was not all that bright but that seemed to be just fine for her needs and wants. I'll... get it sent before too long. It is still packed in the moving box. I may just check to make sure it is packed well enough for shipping.
My friend called. I tried to call him back but the call went straight to messaging. He called three days ago, according to my phone, but I just noticed the call and message. I need to call my brother, but the best time to call him is when I am deep in sleep. And I need to get some internet links together for my high school friend, regarding Game. I think it would help him a great deal. Potentially. Something about leading a horse to water, and all, though.
Heck, there is a lot of other things I need to do. I just can't get my head wrapped around everything. I am better than I had been, but and again, only a felt, perceived, "better". I am not that much more functionally better. So be it. I'll get to things when I can. I may try to sleep a little earlier, and wake with some daylight left. That usually doesn't work, either getting to sleep or when I can do that, waking earlier. Worth a shot, to heck with history.
Good... night?
.
Going to bed at 6:00, waking at dusk. Yeah, that is just how it is going. That brief reprieve granted by the medication stoppage is gone. Beyond, I am still rather limited in function. I have been taking the medication, regularly as possible. I have lost another five pounds, from the peak. I am trying to figure out how to get back on my feet. It's just a crawl. I would love to simply cut the dose again. But, as I said, I will maintain this level for two weeks (so another week and change) before re-evaluating. I really do need to, probably, go slow with the medicines. Even if I was sure I was going to cut it, I would wait for a bit. I have probably just gotten lucky, so far, with drastic changes. Or not, but why push it?
My lady friend called. It seems she needs a lamp. I had purchased one for when she visited, after I moved out from living with her. Actually I purchased several, but one was just for her. It was meant to be arranged for when she visited but the arrangement was never set up. In any case, I offered that to her. I suggested that it was not all that bright but that seemed to be just fine for her needs and wants. I'll... get it sent before too long. It is still packed in the moving box. I may just check to make sure it is packed well enough for shipping.
My friend called. I tried to call him back but the call went straight to messaging. He called three days ago, according to my phone, but I just noticed the call and message. I need to call my brother, but the best time to call him is when I am deep in sleep. And I need to get some internet links together for my high school friend, regarding Game. I think it would help him a great deal. Potentially. Something about leading a horse to water, and all, though.
Heck, there is a lot of other things I need to do. I just can't get my head wrapped around everything. I am better than I had been, but and again, only a felt, perceived, "better". I am not that much more functionally better. So be it. I'll get to things when I can. I may try to sleep a little earlier, and wake with some daylight left. That usually doesn't work, either getting to sleep or when I can do that, waking earlier. Worth a shot, to heck with history.
Good... night?
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Women. Huh?
.
.
Having burned through women, most of them who seem to have been around for just that, I have come to notice there are women out there worth having. Now, most of these women are owned. Fair enough. But it does leave me with the notion that there might be one out there who has not been taken. I have indulged in the physical fruits of a relationship with one of these creatures. I have even played house a few times, rather successfully. The she in those scenes just wasn't the right one. So I know of the other fruits of having a woman. I have even thought about what I need and want from a woman.
Sure, I would love to play the father in Father Knows Best, and have my own little wife and children. Truth is, as we all learned, there is no such thing. While you might create the appearance of such a family, and even the reality of it for the most part, the truth is that family life is hard work.
And what of women? Most, today, believe they are equal partners. Many believe they are full on equal to their men, or better. While men have sweated, grunted, groaned, and died making a world in which women in the modern parts of the world enjoy an easy life, while doors are opened, thermometers are set to women's needs, mechanical devices are constructed to make their lives simple, and everything is good, they forget just what did and does keep them warm and comfy. And they reject any notion that they could be at fault, any fault. So divorce looms large over any proposal, writ large is the truth that the family (circus) court is happy to destroy a marriage and a man at the whim of feckless women. And, no, religion doesn't play that large of a role in marriage anymore. Catholics, for example, the typical ones, are just as likely to divorce as any other group. Still...
This woman sings it well. She gets what I... enjoy in or about women, expressed how a woman would express it though, mind you.
I think she covers it in those songs. I suppose I could try to write it out, but why, when she invokes the notions viscerally, the way women understand things? Sometimes even men understand, I can, do in this case. Besides, if a picture is worth a thousand words, how much more a video with vocals? No, this will do.
.
Having burned through women, most of them who seem to have been around for just that, I have come to notice there are women out there worth having. Now, most of these women are owned. Fair enough. But it does leave me with the notion that there might be one out there who has not been taken. I have indulged in the physical fruits of a relationship with one of these creatures. I have even played house a few times, rather successfully. The she in those scenes just wasn't the right one. So I know of the other fruits of having a woman. I have even thought about what I need and want from a woman.
Sure, I would love to play the father in Father Knows Best, and have my own little wife and children. Truth is, as we all learned, there is no such thing. While you might create the appearance of such a family, and even the reality of it for the most part, the truth is that family life is hard work.
And what of women? Most, today, believe they are equal partners. Many believe they are full on equal to their men, or better. While men have sweated, grunted, groaned, and died making a world in which women in the modern parts of the world enjoy an easy life, while doors are opened, thermometers are set to women's needs, mechanical devices are constructed to make their lives simple, and everything is good, they forget just what did and does keep them warm and comfy. And they reject any notion that they could be at fault, any fault. So divorce looms large over any proposal, writ large is the truth that the family (circus) court is happy to destroy a marriage and a man at the whim of feckless women. And, no, religion doesn't play that large of a role in marriage anymore. Catholics, for example, the typical ones, are just as likely to divorce as any other group. Still...
This woman sings it well. She gets what I... enjoy in or about women, expressed how a woman would express it though, mind you.
I think she covers it in those songs. I suppose I could try to write it out, but why, when she invokes the notions viscerally, the way women understand things? Sometimes even men understand, I can, do in this case. Besides, if a picture is worth a thousand words, how much more a video with vocals? No, this will do.
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