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I hope all of you had good things to nibble, gulp, chew upon, gnaw on, or otherwise consume. I hope, even more, that you found reasons to be thankful. I did and I did. I will not go into detail as you probably know the story well by now I hope.
I am still torn about what to do with college. The added bit of medicine may be enough to see me through. I have been having people cheer for both sides of the issue. I have yet to speak to my landlord. If he would not release me from the contract the point would not matter, as I would continue with classes. I will go ahead and speak with my academic adviser. I will see what he actually wants me to take and go from there. All of those classes I suspect I will need to take, save one, are brutal. And that one is only decent because I tamed it pretty well already. After those, I would be down to pure electrical engineering courses, as I may have noted.
My mother would love for me to quit. Of course, she has some hope of me moving in temporarily, buying a house locally, and having her move in. She has to know I could not do that. She actually uses the furnace, too high and too often, for one thing. And, she is still too demanding. Plus there is my draw to the mountains. If I go, that is where I will go. No, living together would only work short term. An acquaintance I just met, who earned his electrical engineering degree at Iowa State, suggested that I was pretty much (or would be) done with the drop classes and really recommended I not quit now. I did not argue with him, as I may have a bit with desert cat, that I do not think that it works the way it used to work. They are all drop speed test classes at this point, for engineers at least. It seems a waste to toss 130 to 150 (open major, maybe 60-80 engineering) credits and all the work. But I am not sure if I can see my way through. And further, I am not interested in hiring on at some firm with an undergraduate degree. I really would prefer to go on to graduate school for a masters.
Actually, I would not seek a job without gaining a masters. That is brutal as well, but from my 5 personal friends who have done that (4 of them have or are going on for their Ph. D. (or second Ph. D. in one case)), undergraduate work is the hardest, then the doctorate, then Masters (well, Brian might think the masters was harder, but I think he started it the first time in the wrong school?). Well, that given the rat race to get into the school(s) in the first place. None of them were in engineering, though one is in physics and one was in differential equations. Anyway, what becomes the point is even being accepted into a masters program and then finding the right one.
Oh, forget it. I will just make two sets of plans, see how this term finishes out, speak to a professor or two and my academic advisor, and see what happens.
Next…
Something odd is happening. I keep hearing women compliment me on being handsome. Now, I must be honest. I am not a handsome man. I am tall but I am fat and plain or odd looking. I might even seem a bit dejected because of school and medicinal complaints of late, added to the complications of so much mental calculation about what to do going on in my bean. (Is being distracted if still social attractive to women?) As well, I have flecks of gray and white in my beard and hair. I cannot presume to know why such things are being mentioned. They are a bit disturbing. I do not know, but I think women are just being tricky, somehow. But none of them even wanted me to do any work, or lend them money, or anything. Tricksies, methinks.
Something else that is odd. The other day, when I was frying chicken on medium-high, I was adding the second batch and my finger went into the oil (yeah, ok, I was trying to watch a show, the laundry had just buzzed and I was in a hurry to do that, and I did not use the tongs as is my usual). I did not notice at first, and readjusted the piece twice (I like things just so, when cooking, do not crowd the chicken if you can please and thank you). I then realized my finger felt wet. I then realized what that meant. And then, finally, I pulled my finger out (quickly? it must have been in the oil 2, 3, or more seconds). At first it did not hurt, then I got a little “you are burning” brain signal which lasted about 10 seconds so I put the finger under cool running water. I did not burn, I did not blister, and I could not then, and have not since, been able to tell the difference between that finger and any other. Are you not supposed to burn in such a case? I had the cave at a crispy 68 F, maybe that offset it (seriously, if I say it jestingly in a way). First it was boiling water on my arm, twice, a goodly lot of it, within a few moments, (right out of a whistling tea pot) without burning, now this.
Something is odd. And, women are acting weird of late (though I do not get among them except at school either). Something bad is going to happen, I just know it. Probably another woman trick. I do not know but I will be watching them. Well, I usually do, but that is not the point.
Oh, I came home to a 56 F cave. It seems that the furnace has stopped working again. And though I am a hot body this is a bit chill. That is about the high I like the outside temperature (up to 65 F and down to about 20 F, below zero, is my favorite range), but I like the cave to occasionally warm to 72-74 F, when waking up or just to knock the chill off for a bit, I really prefer an underwear wearable 66 F to 68 F the rest of the time. I might have to get the woolens out until that dratted thing can be fixed. It is not even clicking at this point, it is just off. Hmm, I am a bit nervous about some of it. Something smells funny in there. But the hotwater heater is working and is gas, so I do not think an explosion would happen (or a big one) since they are right near each other. Still, it smells like gas, I think.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Rants!
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Rant 1. What is with all of these sex pill adds? Lord knows what I would pay for just the opposite. Without a wife the urge is unnecessary yet commanding. Bigger size? Who needs that? Actually, should I find a wife, a little smaller, at least for a while, might be nice. I have been on medications which are supposed to suppress this, of one type or another, for most of my adult life. It has never helped. Back when I was quite debauched, a rascal one might say kindly, I never found a woman or three who could take up the slack. Hmm, even if I found a wife actual functioning saltpeter might still be the ticket. The only thing that ever killed the appetite was being on a submarine with 168 other guys. But once I got to shore leave and saw women again, all it returned. Raging bull, red flags, yeah, it happened (on more than one occasion). But the incessant ads are more than annoying, they are revolting. I cannot imagine that there could be this much of a market for something that would end up in my death. Gearing up my libido would be like adding meth as a requirement for race car driving or something. Bah!
Rant 2. What happened to the science, wildlife, history, and other such channels? Between avoiding UFO, UWO, Yeti, and terribly incorrect if politically correct broadcasting, I am left with maybe 3 shows a day I would watch from those, most of which I have seen and nearly fully debunked even then. Even the commercials have become politically correct trash. The police shows are completely politically correct. T.V. has become one of the worst “bargains” out there. It is usually $40 dollars for cable, but because (I think) they were having negative growth here, they cut the cost to $15 dollars (at least initially, if that ends I will not re-subscribe). It is barely worth the $15 dollars even with 50 channels or more. Bah!
Rant 3. Diamonds, who would ever buy one of these except as an exceptional cash dump? A big one on a girls finger? Every woman I have known, other than that big rock she is not involved with paying for to get the show rolling (unless she is savvy and forward thinking, then she would reconsider even that, dated a few of those too), would rather have a large capacity front loading washer and dryer set, with the trimmings, a new (second) vehicle just for her own self, a trip to Hawaii, or something like that. Though it is somewhat of a liquid asset, unless you buy them illegally at a cut (-throat, blood based) rate, you lose your shirt just walking in the door. Bah! (add humbug to that)
Rant 4. Stupidity, ignorance, and arrogance. Who came up with these? Now, I like cheerleading blindly for some noteworthy but wrongheaded idea just as much as the next guy, but sheesh, is there no end? Oh, and you had best not slink away now and leave me alone in this circle. Do not even think you know half so well the truth about half of what you believe, why you believe it, or what realistic criteria you base your beliefs. We all live in this circle. No matter how great our knowledge, experience, or certainty, we all fail. To some degree, the more we know the more we are at fault and the greater damage we can do. And grouping with others only amplifies that sensibility. I like the old saying, “We either hang together or we hang alone.” (among other versions, admittedly). But the truth is, we should all be hung, together or alone would do. Well, if fairness and justice were rightly applied and if for no other reason than that we are terrible imperfect. (See, look at how wrong I can be!) Bah!
Oh, heck. It is all good, so long as I take the time to back-peddle once in a while, admit I am wrong, work ahead a few more steps or miles, and do it all again. I have another chance tomorrow to do what I should do, to concede my failings, to work on my strengths and weaknesses, and to pick up and keep going or change direction a bit. I do have a compass that helps, but keeping one’s eye on the compass would mean losing track of some of life. I have become better at guessing the right way when no time can be afforded a review, but that is weak. Even looking directly at the compass, sometimes, can leave me guessing. I suppose this goes with Rant 4.
It looks like the deal will go forward on the new Xterra. It does cost a bit more each month, and though I do not like the deal completely (I never do), I have reasons to let it do so. The dealer did not make a mistake so I will let it stand. It is not that bad of a deal, seen in the plain light and with certain information corroborated. And, it is always nice to hop into a new vehicle. It does have a few neat new adds, as well. I have tried to call my professor, to see him before I go, but as yet, I have not caught him in the office, only receiving his answering service. I would like to talk to him, more generally, about the class as well. And, I would like to see if he could show me how to use my calculator more efficiently. Though he seems to accept some fudging, I would like to figure out how to do some of the more odd (and archaic) math methods regarding some of the math (such as finding the difference between various table data, I know how to do this generally, but I am not sure a z or t(n-1) table follows that exact model both vertically and horizontally along those tables). Ok, fine, I am a bit of a math nerd, or perfectionist, or something. But… but that is not the point!
I am quite nervous about my doctor visit today. There is a great deal riding on the outcome. If he answers well and I trust that answer then I will begin figuring out how to remain in school. If I do so, and if it works, I should be able to begin working out again as well. I would start that at the end of classes to give myself a bit of a jump-start to spring classes and to get back into some kind of shape. All the medicine in the world will not make a difference if I cannot change my physical condition. And, a major change in my physical condition could actually end up changing everything else, perhaps even eliminating the need for medication. I saw it, was so close to it, I know it can happen.
My last loads of laundry are finishing, I have taken care of one of my major tasks (while attempting to care for the other with the calls). I have one minor task, one major task, the completion of my laundry, and I will be ready to go. I suspect packing will be short and sweet, I have a method now. I am off to Mum’s for Thanksgiving. I hope you can find yourself to a home, a meal, or just find some reasons to be grateful. If anyone wants to leave a tip, and since I do not have a tip jar, feel free to help me figure out one of my rants. The last one is best, but any of them would be fine. Happy Thanksgiving!
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Rant 1. What is with all of these sex pill adds? Lord knows what I would pay for just the opposite. Without a wife the urge is unnecessary yet commanding. Bigger size? Who needs that? Actually, should I find a wife, a little smaller, at least for a while, might be nice. I have been on medications which are supposed to suppress this, of one type or another, for most of my adult life. It has never helped. Back when I was quite debauched, a rascal one might say kindly, I never found a woman or three who could take up the slack. Hmm, even if I found a wife actual functioning saltpeter might still be the ticket. The only thing that ever killed the appetite was being on a submarine with 168 other guys. But once I got to shore leave and saw women again, all it returned. Raging bull, red flags, yeah, it happened (on more than one occasion). But the incessant ads are more than annoying, they are revolting. I cannot imagine that there could be this much of a market for something that would end up in my death. Gearing up my libido would be like adding meth as a requirement for race car driving or something. Bah!
Rant 2. What happened to the science, wildlife, history, and other such channels? Between avoiding UFO, UWO, Yeti, and terribly incorrect if politically correct broadcasting, I am left with maybe 3 shows a day I would watch from those, most of which I have seen and nearly fully debunked even then. Even the commercials have become politically correct trash. The police shows are completely politically correct. T.V. has become one of the worst “bargains” out there. It is usually $40 dollars for cable, but because (I think) they were having negative growth here, they cut the cost to $15 dollars (at least initially, if that ends I will not re-subscribe). It is barely worth the $15 dollars even with 50 channels or more. Bah!
Rant 3. Diamonds, who would ever buy one of these except as an exceptional cash dump? A big one on a girls finger? Every woman I have known, other than that big rock she is not involved with paying for to get the show rolling (unless she is savvy and forward thinking, then she would reconsider even that, dated a few of those too), would rather have a large capacity front loading washer and dryer set, with the trimmings, a new (second) vehicle just for her own self, a trip to Hawaii, or something like that. Though it is somewhat of a liquid asset, unless you buy them illegally at a cut (-throat, blood based) rate, you lose your shirt just walking in the door. Bah! (add humbug to that)
Rant 4. Stupidity, ignorance, and arrogance. Who came up with these? Now, I like cheerleading blindly for some noteworthy but wrongheaded idea just as much as the next guy, but sheesh, is there no end? Oh, and you had best not slink away now and leave me alone in this circle. Do not even think you know half so well the truth about half of what you believe, why you believe it, or what realistic criteria you base your beliefs. We all live in this circle. No matter how great our knowledge, experience, or certainty, we all fail. To some degree, the more we know the more we are at fault and the greater damage we can do. And grouping with others only amplifies that sensibility. I like the old saying, “We either hang together or we hang alone.” (among other versions, admittedly). But the truth is, we should all be hung, together or alone would do. Well, if fairness and justice were rightly applied and if for no other reason than that we are terrible imperfect. (See, look at how wrong I can be!) Bah!
Oh, heck. It is all good, so long as I take the time to back-peddle once in a while, admit I am wrong, work ahead a few more steps or miles, and do it all again. I have another chance tomorrow to do what I should do, to concede my failings, to work on my strengths and weaknesses, and to pick up and keep going or change direction a bit. I do have a compass that helps, but keeping one’s eye on the compass would mean losing track of some of life. I have become better at guessing the right way when no time can be afforded a review, but that is weak. Even looking directly at the compass, sometimes, can leave me guessing. I suppose this goes with Rant 4.
It looks like the deal will go forward on the new Xterra. It does cost a bit more each month, and though I do not like the deal completely (I never do), I have reasons to let it do so. The dealer did not make a mistake so I will let it stand. It is not that bad of a deal, seen in the plain light and with certain information corroborated. And, it is always nice to hop into a new vehicle. It does have a few neat new adds, as well. I have tried to call my professor, to see him before I go, but as yet, I have not caught him in the office, only receiving his answering service. I would like to talk to him, more generally, about the class as well. And, I would like to see if he could show me how to use my calculator more efficiently. Though he seems to accept some fudging, I would like to figure out how to do some of the more odd (and archaic) math methods regarding some of the math (such as finding the difference between various table data, I know how to do this generally, but I am not sure a z or t(n-1) table follows that exact model both vertically and horizontally along those tables). Ok, fine, I am a bit of a math nerd, or perfectionist, or something. But… but that is not the point!
I am quite nervous about my doctor visit today. There is a great deal riding on the outcome. If he answers well and I trust that answer then I will begin figuring out how to remain in school. If I do so, and if it works, I should be able to begin working out again as well. I would start that at the end of classes to give myself a bit of a jump-start to spring classes and to get back into some kind of shape. All the medicine in the world will not make a difference if I cannot change my physical condition. And, a major change in my physical condition could actually end up changing everything else, perhaps even eliminating the need for medication. I saw it, was so close to it, I know it can happen.
My last loads of laundry are finishing, I have taken care of one of my major tasks (while attempting to care for the other with the calls). I have one minor task, one major task, the completion of my laundry, and I will be ready to go. I suspect packing will be short and sweet, I have a method now. I am off to Mum’s for Thanksgiving. I hope you can find yourself to a home, a meal, or just find some reasons to be grateful. If anyone wants to leave a tip, and since I do not have a tip jar, feel free to help me figure out one of my rants. The last one is best, but any of them would be fine. Happy Thanksgiving!
Much done. A little left to do.
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I was able to begin the process of getting the requested materials to my doctor. I had thought that I could just pick up the papers and transfer them directly but it does not work that way. So, I did what I could do. I also stopped in to do a last bit of business needed for one of my tasks back home. The place, oddly, is closed on Mondays so I was unable to get that done. It will be done in the morning. I then stopped in to see about the Xterra. I think I made a mistake, I will check in the morning. If I am correct, and the information given to me was wrong, then I will nullify the deal. It may end up costing me, though I will not give in without a fight since they supplied the incorrect information. A quick call to my bank will clear up the matter. I am sweating that one.
I finished the transcription of notes to a copy form. I have not started on the homework or reading yet. Neither did I contact my professor to see if he would be in. I got a bit of a late start. I will just call in the morning and see if I can stop in sometime. I will make sure to have my shower completed, however, because it might be just my luck that he only has a little time and “right now”. I always chance into such events when I am unprepared. I will also need to call the bank first thing in the morning and find out if my suspicions are correct. My thinking is this way. If he provided incorrect information, upon which I partially based my decision, and it is significant, then either he has to release the deal or dishonesty will be considered a part of his business practices. Left that way, the choice will be difficult to not make in my favor. That does not mean that is the way it will go. What is at stake? A $500 dollar deposit (refundable upon taking possession). Still, if I am correct, even a $500 dollar loss is better than the deal if my understanding is correct. If not, then I will go forward with the deal. Yeah, I know, foolish on my part, in any case, but that is that.
I also got my house back in order. When my lady friend visited, she brought chili and some salad. I heated it up, fixed the salad, and we ate. The place was a mess and she left without helping (her usual unless I ask, but it was late and I was too tired to fuss about it). I also fried some chicken then cleaned, again, after that. My clothes will be clean and folded before I leave as well. I am about half way through that. I really like leaving the cave in order for an easier return. And, often, I have had to delay travel until that is done. Not this time. I really am doing better, if not as well as I had been doing. Tomorrow I will speak with my doctor and see if he has any thoughts, ideas really, about how to increase my performance just a smidgen. It will be an interesting conversation. A lot depends on his words. But his words, if they hit the mark, are only the beginning of my next few stages of planning. Balderdash, all of it, I wonder at times. But there it is.
Next term would require 3 classes. I believe it would be engineering calculus III (again, they want me to take it here), engineering physics II, and engineering II. All of them are extremely difficult. All of them are “drop” classes (meant to cause failure). And one drop would end my association with V.A. vocational rehabilitation it seems. I would only have one remaining non-core electrical engineering course to take, I think (macro- or micro- economics 101). After that, the rest would be all electrical engineering degree work, depending on which electives I might choose to take though. I would be finished with the degree in 2 years (give or take) at three quarter time. I had hoped to accelerate that, had the medicine continued to work as it had been. Now, I am not sure I can even take just the 3 classes. I have enough credits for a math minor, plus if I pass probability and statistics. I also probably have enough courses, and high level courses perhaps, to take a general science or math type degree (outside of engineering of course). I think that would lead me to McDonald’s though, or a lab technician, same pay just different meats, metals, or such.
Well, there is my second load. Hopefully dry. One more load washed, one dried, and that last put in the drier and I will be going to bed. I will be setting both alarms to try and wake up early. I want to have tomorrow see me get three major and one minor tasks cared for, without too much of a rush, and then on to my Mom’s home as soon as the last task is completed. So far, though, it has been relatively smooth. And, I have Chicken! in the morning and afternoon to peck on! I love that stuff.
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I was able to begin the process of getting the requested materials to my doctor. I had thought that I could just pick up the papers and transfer them directly but it does not work that way. So, I did what I could do. I also stopped in to do a last bit of business needed for one of my tasks back home. The place, oddly, is closed on Mondays so I was unable to get that done. It will be done in the morning. I then stopped in to see about the Xterra. I think I made a mistake, I will check in the morning. If I am correct, and the information given to me was wrong, then I will nullify the deal. It may end up costing me, though I will not give in without a fight since they supplied the incorrect information. A quick call to my bank will clear up the matter. I am sweating that one.
I finished the transcription of notes to a copy form. I have not started on the homework or reading yet. Neither did I contact my professor to see if he would be in. I got a bit of a late start. I will just call in the morning and see if I can stop in sometime. I will make sure to have my shower completed, however, because it might be just my luck that he only has a little time and “right now”. I always chance into such events when I am unprepared. I will also need to call the bank first thing in the morning and find out if my suspicions are correct. My thinking is this way. If he provided incorrect information, upon which I partially based my decision, and it is significant, then either he has to release the deal or dishonesty will be considered a part of his business practices. Left that way, the choice will be difficult to not make in my favor. That does not mean that is the way it will go. What is at stake? A $500 dollar deposit (refundable upon taking possession). Still, if I am correct, even a $500 dollar loss is better than the deal if my understanding is correct. If not, then I will go forward with the deal. Yeah, I know, foolish on my part, in any case, but that is that.
I also got my house back in order. When my lady friend visited, she brought chili and some salad. I heated it up, fixed the salad, and we ate. The place was a mess and she left without helping (her usual unless I ask, but it was late and I was too tired to fuss about it). I also fried some chicken then cleaned, again, after that. My clothes will be clean and folded before I leave as well. I am about half way through that. I really like leaving the cave in order for an easier return. And, often, I have had to delay travel until that is done. Not this time. I really am doing better, if not as well as I had been doing. Tomorrow I will speak with my doctor and see if he has any thoughts, ideas really, about how to increase my performance just a smidgen. It will be an interesting conversation. A lot depends on his words. But his words, if they hit the mark, are only the beginning of my next few stages of planning. Balderdash, all of it, I wonder at times. But there it is.
Next term would require 3 classes. I believe it would be engineering calculus III (again, they want me to take it here), engineering physics II, and engineering II. All of them are extremely difficult. All of them are “drop” classes (meant to cause failure). And one drop would end my association with V.A. vocational rehabilitation it seems. I would only have one remaining non-core electrical engineering course to take, I think (macro- or micro- economics 101). After that, the rest would be all electrical engineering degree work, depending on which electives I might choose to take though. I would be finished with the degree in 2 years (give or take) at three quarter time. I had hoped to accelerate that, had the medicine continued to work as it had been. Now, I am not sure I can even take just the 3 classes. I have enough credits for a math minor, plus if I pass probability and statistics. I also probably have enough courses, and high level courses perhaps, to take a general science or math type degree (outside of engineering of course). I think that would lead me to McDonald’s though, or a lab technician, same pay just different meats, metals, or such.
Well, there is my second load. Hopefully dry. One more load washed, one dried, and that last put in the drier and I will be going to bed. I will be setting both alarms to try and wake up early. I want to have tomorrow see me get three major and one minor tasks cared for, without too much of a rush, and then on to my Mom’s home as soon as the last task is completed. So far, though, it has been relatively smooth. And, I have Chicken! in the morning and afternoon to peck on! I love that stuff.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Being a good boy.
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I did little work yesterday but I had company. However, today I need to get some things done. First, I need to pick up some records from the V.A., next I need to change my drivers license, and I would like to call my professor and see if he really will go over the next set of problems and solutions. He said he would be in his office and suggested that he would go over the material. He was joking, I think, but I will call him on it. He may have only been half joking. Plus, he seems to have the sort of a sense of humor to handle it if he was merely joking. Anyway, I would like to know, since he offered and peaked my curiosity. (Never peak the curiosity of a reformed daemon lightly!)
I just called my mother to let her know when I would be there. She is a bit busy so we did not talk long. She said she would call me later this afternoon. To that end, I will keep my phone with me. I rarely take my phone other than when I travel or may be expecting an important call, if I remember it even then. But she sounded good and that is always good. Oh, I would also like to stop by the Nissan dealership. I need to schedule a visit for my vehicle and I would like to speak with Warren. I purchased this vehicle from him, and would like to see if he has a decent offer on another. I like the guy, the company, and this particular vehicle.
Being a good boy, you ask? Hmm, well, I have been focusing on doing what is right as well as I can. I have been working on clarity and right living. I have been moving forward with plans, checking them as I may, and clearing my conscience and purpose. I have been saving like a slave, spending very little and only what and when necessary, and considering some going away gifts, even if I end up not leaving, oddly. I will know tomorrow whether I will need to leave. A great deal depends on this doctor. But I am working honestly strongly and cleanly, for my part. A difficult decision is upon me. And, honestly, desert cat has given me pause and caused this reconsideration. It is not his words that school will become easier, as I do not believe this. It is just his thoughts, or the felt impetus for them to my mind, that perhaps the cause is not lost. And perhaps, a felt support for me and my purpose. I do not understand that fully, I only sense it.
I find it so odd that words often have nothing to do with what they literally seem to say. “Good day.”, for example, affirms another’s being, person, validity, and one’s acknowledgement of that. “Thank you.” and “You are welcome.” are similar to that, but more, they acknowledge appreciation and a sense of debt and gratitude for another’s skills, time, and more, their very life, or the release of the debt implied by the first and a sign that their acknowledgement is appreciated. Such small things, said with validity and personally, can mean the world. “I love you.”, for another example, can mean everything, and actually means all that we are, if said truly. For that last to be said, I believe, we have fulfilled or are fulfilled to the completion of all that we are and are worth. But more, even when it is not completely meant as it seems to be indicated, that it is said is an acknowledgement that there is more to this life than our mere understanding. It is a gift given in the faith of something beyond our understanding. Perhaps I think too much. Perhaps I merely see things as a child. Perhaps I miss some fine point. Even if all of those are true, I still think I am correct. Words are incredible and powerful tools. Use them wisely.
Well, back to it. I have some things to do today. I best get busy. It has been difficult to get going the last few days. Even though I have been working some, it has been catch as catch can rather than scheduled. Then again, this has been a harsh term. I should expect to be tired. I should allow a little down time. But I just… cannot… let… go… Why? Thanks, D.C., for the reminder, minder, thoughts, support, whatever.
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I did little work yesterday but I had company. However, today I need to get some things done. First, I need to pick up some records from the V.A., next I need to change my drivers license, and I would like to call my professor and see if he really will go over the next set of problems and solutions. He said he would be in his office and suggested that he would go over the material. He was joking, I think, but I will call him on it. He may have only been half joking. Plus, he seems to have the sort of a sense of humor to handle it if he was merely joking. Anyway, I would like to know, since he offered and peaked my curiosity. (Never peak the curiosity of a reformed daemon lightly!)
I just called my mother to let her know when I would be there. She is a bit busy so we did not talk long. She said she would call me later this afternoon. To that end, I will keep my phone with me. I rarely take my phone other than when I travel or may be expecting an important call, if I remember it even then. But she sounded good and that is always good. Oh, I would also like to stop by the Nissan dealership. I need to schedule a visit for my vehicle and I would like to speak with Warren. I purchased this vehicle from him, and would like to see if he has a decent offer on another. I like the guy, the company, and this particular vehicle.
Being a good boy, you ask? Hmm, well, I have been focusing on doing what is right as well as I can. I have been working on clarity and right living. I have been moving forward with plans, checking them as I may, and clearing my conscience and purpose. I have been saving like a slave, spending very little and only what and when necessary, and considering some going away gifts, even if I end up not leaving, oddly. I will know tomorrow whether I will need to leave. A great deal depends on this doctor. But I am working honestly strongly and cleanly, for my part. A difficult decision is upon me. And, honestly, desert cat has given me pause and caused this reconsideration. It is not his words that school will become easier, as I do not believe this. It is just his thoughts, or the felt impetus for them to my mind, that perhaps the cause is not lost. And perhaps, a felt support for me and my purpose. I do not understand that fully, I only sense it.
I find it so odd that words often have nothing to do with what they literally seem to say. “Good day.”, for example, affirms another’s being, person, validity, and one’s acknowledgement of that. “Thank you.” and “You are welcome.” are similar to that, but more, they acknowledge appreciation and a sense of debt and gratitude for another’s skills, time, and more, their very life, or the release of the debt implied by the first and a sign that their acknowledgement is appreciated. Such small things, said with validity and personally, can mean the world. “I love you.”, for another example, can mean everything, and actually means all that we are, if said truly. For that last to be said, I believe, we have fulfilled or are fulfilled to the completion of all that we are and are worth. But more, even when it is not completely meant as it seems to be indicated, that it is said is an acknowledgement that there is more to this life than our mere understanding. It is a gift given in the faith of something beyond our understanding. Perhaps I think too much. Perhaps I merely see things as a child. Perhaps I miss some fine point. Even if all of those are true, I still think I am correct. Words are incredible and powerful tools. Use them wisely.
Well, back to it. I have some things to do today. I best get busy. It has been difficult to get going the last few days. Even though I have been working some, it has been catch as catch can rather than scheduled. Then again, this has been a harsh term. I should expect to be tired. I should allow a little down time. But I just… cannot… let… go… Why? Thanks, D.C., for the reminder, minder, thoughts, support, whatever.
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