.
.
Maybe in a good way? Off meds since Tuesday. Even when I knew I couldn't remember, sort of. I couldn't have refilled my medicine dispenser in any case. I would have tried if knowledge could translate to action. How can you know what you can't remember? I'd tell you, if I knew. Might have to kill you though?
I'll do pills today. And insulin. It actually showed up on the day I was told it might be sent? Weird. No complaint. Just surprised. This time I marked the date to change them. Yeah, otherwise I use them beyond their good use date. So hungry too, have been since that post, even before. I... need food.
Ah, how can all that be good? I think it gave me a break. Between medicines and winter, I was, am, in a bad way. A few days off medicine seems to be opening up the cognitive. I think the dispensers will be arranged and medicine and food will get going again. It took the break, well, and pouring on some heat as well. Just a bit extra.
I haven't been able to be warm in a week or more. So cold, all bundled, it burns. Right through double and even triple layers, of wool, cotton, and or synths, after a hot shower, hot tea or coffee going in often, with the furnace jacked. That was on meds. Still freezing, but awake enough to focus on all tricks. May take another shower soon. Food! I need hot food, plenty of it, just not fast food.
It'll work this time. Probably.
Thursday, January 23, 2020
Wednesday, January 22, 2020
Warming.
.
.
It is above zero, has to be. Has been for a day or two. There is still plenty of snow down. But paths have turned into puddle-ridden ways. All good. I will say this has been a solid winter. Plenty of snow, when it snowed... a bit colder than usual with fewer breaks, if not the coldest or snowiest, probably a more severe mix? I mean, in severely cold or snowy winters we get more of whichever, but not more of both. This winter we got more of that mix if not as extreme as either extreme.
Unusual? Only in that every year is different. If I saw five winters the same, then I would have some wonder. Or if every year was worse, to the point of infrastructure breaking, or becoming like Florida, then I'd worry. Iowa, here, everywhere I have lived, while summers don't change all that much, winters really do differ. I remember horrible, easy, and middling winters my whole life. I personally think some of the coldest winters were in the 1970's. They have revised temperatures is all. They are so busy trying to make the readings suggest what they want, they can't read real temperatures anymore. Head up ass syndrome. Sodomites of an extreme sort.
The cold got to me. It broke me. Some of it is just environmental seepage, some of it is a weakness to it. That is getting worse each year. Actually that makes me far more empathetic to my elders. I know, if it hits me this way... Then again, if they can still work... If it weren't for what is disability I... I wouldn't make it. Do you know what the streets are like? Probably not. But for someone who can't control sleep, goes nearly comatose occasionally. High heat, the cold, fast changes in the weather, exertion of various levels, too much, or too little food, and any combination can cause near catatonia. Even if I could escape humans, animals would get into me. Feed on me. It isn't a safe world out of doors.
The warming is helping. It would take more, for longer. But I feel a bit better. Ducks first thing. A timer for the cats tending and a shower. Then back to some work today? Hopefully. I almost feel alive and awake. But I thought that when I got confused about the appointments. No real clues, probably, but I feel better. Kidneys and liver are only in mild pain as well. Not sure if they, or I, am numb though.
.
It is above zero, has to be. Has been for a day or two. There is still plenty of snow down. But paths have turned into puddle-ridden ways. All good. I will say this has been a solid winter. Plenty of snow, when it snowed... a bit colder than usual with fewer breaks, if not the coldest or snowiest, probably a more severe mix? I mean, in severely cold or snowy winters we get more of whichever, but not more of both. This winter we got more of that mix if not as extreme as either extreme.
Unusual? Only in that every year is different. If I saw five winters the same, then I would have some wonder. Or if every year was worse, to the point of infrastructure breaking, or becoming like Florida, then I'd worry. Iowa, here, everywhere I have lived, while summers don't change all that much, winters really do differ. I remember horrible, easy, and middling winters my whole life. I personally think some of the coldest winters were in the 1970's. They have revised temperatures is all. They are so busy trying to make the readings suggest what they want, they can't read real temperatures anymore. Head up ass syndrome. Sodomites of an extreme sort.
The cold got to me. It broke me. Some of it is just environmental seepage, some of it is a weakness to it. That is getting worse each year. Actually that makes me far more empathetic to my elders. I know, if it hits me this way... Then again, if they can still work... If it weren't for what is disability I... I wouldn't make it. Do you know what the streets are like? Probably not. But for someone who can't control sleep, goes nearly comatose occasionally. High heat, the cold, fast changes in the weather, exertion of various levels, too much, or too little food, and any combination can cause near catatonia. Even if I could escape humans, animals would get into me. Feed on me. It isn't a safe world out of doors.
The warming is helping. It would take more, for longer. But I feel a bit better. Ducks first thing. A timer for the cats tending and a shower. Then back to some work today? Hopefully. I almost feel alive and awake. But I thought that when I got confused about the appointments. No real clues, probably, but I feel better. Kidneys and liver are only in mild pain as well. Not sure if they, or I, am numb though.
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
Wow, I am fried.
.
.
I received a call today. Today was the day of the appointment I thought I had missed? Apparently. The appointment in the calendar, from last week? Was the doctor appointment I did make. I am so fried. Today's appointment was cancelled. My last a1c was in the ~6.5 range. Today was going to be about insulin? No reason for adjustments.
I simply got confused. Usually I reset appointments. That it was still there lead me to believe I had missed it, especially with nothing on the schedule for this week. Well, good. It means, even if I am totally lost, I didn't miss anything. So baked. I can only imagine what illicit drugs must do to people.
I am completely lost even so. I have nothing close to a regular or even shifting day. Today might be like yesterday or tomorrow or be twelve to twenty four hours off either or both. Not sure why such severe shifts, but that is the way of it. I have been taking medicine perfectly, somehow. But I have to set them back up today, or I will mess up. As well, today is the final up titration. I will begin checking bp Friday, try to check it twice a day through Monday. My doc wants results five days after this final dosage start, Monday is best.
I have been doing fairly well with the critters... food, water, and litter. One slip with water, for the ducks, in the month... but because it got very cold and I slept very long. I have limits. Dishes, laundry, and showering are back to going. Slow, small batches, irregular frequency, but... I even started on boxes in the living room. Hopefully the kitchen soon.
Something is very off, if I am hanging on for now. Will see how, if, when, I can stand back up, regain my footing. So tired, dazed, and confused.
.
I received a call today. Today was the day of the appointment I thought I had missed? Apparently. The appointment in the calendar, from last week? Was the doctor appointment I did make. I am so fried. Today's appointment was cancelled. My last a1c was in the ~6.5 range. Today was going to be about insulin? No reason for adjustments.
I simply got confused. Usually I reset appointments. That it was still there lead me to believe I had missed it, especially with nothing on the schedule for this week. Well, good. It means, even if I am totally lost, I didn't miss anything. So baked. I can only imagine what illicit drugs must do to people.
I am completely lost even so. I have nothing close to a regular or even shifting day. Today might be like yesterday or tomorrow or be twelve to twenty four hours off either or both. Not sure why such severe shifts, but that is the way of it. I have been taking medicine perfectly, somehow. But I have to set them back up today, or I will mess up. As well, today is the final up titration. I will begin checking bp Friday, try to check it twice a day through Monday. My doc wants results five days after this final dosage start, Monday is best.
I have been doing fairly well with the critters... food, water, and litter. One slip with water, for the ducks, in the month... but because it got very cold and I slept very long. I have limits. Dishes, laundry, and showering are back to going. Slow, small batches, irregular frequency, but... I even started on boxes in the living room. Hopefully the kitchen soon.
Something is very off, if I am hanging on for now. Will see how, if, when, I can stand back up, regain my footing. So tired, dazed, and confused.
Monday, January 20, 2020
So messed up.
.
.
I have been trying to work the last half week. Very little done. I have figured out sleep and warmth, finished two minor tasks, and started a few others. I finished my last game a week ago, or more? I wrote about it, after, but probably longer after than I realized. Time isn't... working. A seeming day might be a week gone. I am absolutely lost.
I knew I had an appointment coming up. I had it in my calendar, with four or five alerts. The driveway is clear, we haven't had any bad weather, I have been sleeping well, and if not working well I thought my bean was clear? Apparently not so much, not so much at all.
I... missed the appointment. Worse? I somehow didn't even know I had missed it until I checked last night. I was sure it would be this week. Wanted to be ready. It was the 16th, last Thursday. I just don't understand how I could have missed that many alarms, starting three days before, then daily until the day, plus one five and three hours beforehand on that day.
Even if my phone was ooc, the app doesn't depend on connection to a tower or Internet. But I don't recall any alerts. Have I just been that out of it? I suspect so. But I have been taking medicine flawlessly. Then again, that is the sum total of function, or close enough to call it.
I will move dishes so as to shower... they have been washed. I will wash them as I remove them and set them to a rinse after a shower. Then laundry will get going again. I'll set tea, feed and water critters, and??? No use crying over spilled milk. I... I am just so confused at just now realizing that milk was spilled, and so long ago.
.
I have been trying to work the last half week. Very little done. I have figured out sleep and warmth, finished two minor tasks, and started a few others. I finished my last game a week ago, or more? I wrote about it, after, but probably longer after than I realized. Time isn't... working. A seeming day might be a week gone. I am absolutely lost.
I knew I had an appointment coming up. I had it in my calendar, with four or five alerts. The driveway is clear, we haven't had any bad weather, I have been sleeping well, and if not working well I thought my bean was clear? Apparently not so much, not so much at all.
I... missed the appointment. Worse? I somehow didn't even know I had missed it until I checked last night. I was sure it would be this week. Wanted to be ready. It was the 16th, last Thursday. I just don't understand how I could have missed that many alarms, starting three days before, then daily until the day, plus one five and three hours beforehand on that day.
Even if my phone was ooc, the app doesn't depend on connection to a tower or Internet. But I don't recall any alerts. Have I just been that out of it? I suspect so. But I have been taking medicine flawlessly. Then again, that is the sum total of function, or close enough to call it.
I will move dishes so as to shower... they have been washed. I will wash them as I remove them and set them to a rinse after a shower. Then laundry will get going again. I'll set tea, feed and water critters, and??? No use crying over spilled milk. I... I am just so confused at just now realizing that milk was spilled, and so long ago.
Sunday, January 19, 2020
I keep forgetting.
.
.
I was sitting there, minding my own business, when my body up and closed down shop around me. Imagine, you are sitting in the food court at a local mall in the middle of the afternoon, and suddenly you realize a few things. You are all alone, it is dark, most of the lights are off, the furnace has been shut off, and every door is locked.
Now, change the venue from the mall to the body. I tried to fight it. I thought I could, as a well conscious mind and will inside a dying (?) body. As soon as I tried to raise a ruckus, I nearly blacked out. Even with the socks on and heat up, I was again freezing. All I could do was crawl off to bed.
Wow. It's been a while since I've so directly faced that. When it hits, I usually just call it bedtime. But usually it doesn't hit with such direct force. I can't be sure when, three to six hours ago? Did the world cool off very quickly, and that get me? Did my heart slow, bp drop? I would like to check bp more often, and track outdoor temperatures here. Indoor didn't change, but, in really hot or cold weather, there is more to it.
Still so very hungry. I did eat out yesterday. Bad idea. Blood sugar skyrocketed but is normalizing. Bad home food is vastly superior to any fast food. Oh, and if you see the staff is mostly minority? Drive on. The cooking oil was bad, and mixed... fries, fish, and onions don't really mix well. Brand new building.
I may have to fast thaw something. Or... no, too late to get to else, a shower, and out shopping, in time for a real grocery store. Walmart doesn't count. I suspect even their brand names are seconds and the labels less reliable than usual. The store brand names, for canned fruit, also turned out mislabeled. The brand name fruit doesn't, or didn't, cause blood sugar spikes. The store brand does, in spite of it's label saying it has even fewer carbs and no sugar added. I look for bargains, some just aren't.
I reset dishes, set tea after waking, and will check and probably change laundry as I pour a fatted hot drink. Still on the verge of being too cold, but working on it. I may jack the furnace for a bit. At least I don't have a "smart meter" which would refuse to allow more, or would slowly turn itself down. Is that mostly electrical, or are they doing it with gas too?
I feel more rested, even than before the fall. I am truly hoping I can get to some work. But that was an amazing smash from my medical conditions. It happens daily, just not usually that severely. Or, I don't see it so clearly. My mind and will are usually on the same page as my body. This was terrifying. Really.
.
I was sitting there, minding my own business, when my body up and closed down shop around me. Imagine, you are sitting in the food court at a local mall in the middle of the afternoon, and suddenly you realize a few things. You are all alone, it is dark, most of the lights are off, the furnace has been shut off, and every door is locked.
Now, change the venue from the mall to the body. I tried to fight it. I thought I could, as a well conscious mind and will inside a dying (?) body. As soon as I tried to raise a ruckus, I nearly blacked out. Even with the socks on and heat up, I was again freezing. All I could do was crawl off to bed.
Wow. It's been a while since I've so directly faced that. When it hits, I usually just call it bedtime. But usually it doesn't hit with such direct force. I can't be sure when, three to six hours ago? Did the world cool off very quickly, and that get me? Did my heart slow, bp drop? I would like to check bp more often, and track outdoor temperatures here. Indoor didn't change, but, in really hot or cold weather, there is more to it.
Still so very hungry. I did eat out yesterday. Bad idea. Blood sugar skyrocketed but is normalizing. Bad home food is vastly superior to any fast food. Oh, and if you see the staff is mostly minority? Drive on. The cooking oil was bad, and mixed... fries, fish, and onions don't really mix well. Brand new building.
I may have to fast thaw something. Or... no, too late to get to else, a shower, and out shopping, in time for a real grocery store. Walmart doesn't count. I suspect even their brand names are seconds and the labels less reliable than usual. The store brand names, for canned fruit, also turned out mislabeled. The brand name fruit doesn't, or didn't, cause blood sugar spikes. The store brand does, in spite of it's label saying it has even fewer carbs and no sugar added. I look for bargains, some just aren't.
I reset dishes, set tea after waking, and will check and probably change laundry as I pour a fatted hot drink. Still on the verge of being too cold, but working on it. I may jack the furnace for a bit. At least I don't have a "smart meter" which would refuse to allow more, or would slowly turn itself down. Is that mostly electrical, or are they doing it with gas too?
I feel more rested, even than before the fall. I am truly hoping I can get to some work. But that was an amazing smash from my medical conditions. It happens daily, just not usually that severely. Or, I don't see it so clearly. My mind and will are usually on the same page as my body. This was terrifying. Really.
I can't remember.
.
.
When did I crawl into bed? I don't even have an estimate. I know I checked the clock on the way up, and the alarm when I arrived. Those memories are blank. I slept well. I ended up taking all socks off and turning the furnace down from 72° to 66°F. It wasn't until the thermometer read 67° before going to bed. But that doesn't mean I went to bed as it dropped. When the furnace clicks on, it takes the temperature a few degrees higher. It does take hours to drop temperature, but I simply have no clue how long, or even what I was doing, after the last post.
I did have to fuss with blankets at bedtime and several times through the night, but no major fuss, no terrible cooling, just slight shuffling and jostling to keep ahead of any real trouble. I didn't have to wake fully, just enough to move my feet together or cover a minor gap. Actually I prefer to keep an eye and ear about that open.
As to the sounds the other night? Cats. Definitely. My girls. I caught them making the exact same sounds yesterday. Never heard that before. Well, and ice and snow mini- avalanches from the roof. I am in the 90s percent sure it was all... natural and native. Thankfully.
Ending posting? It, like dishes, getting trash out, cleaning the place, and other things will happen... when I am ready and able. It is coming. I am just too tired to make sure I am doing it correctly. It will be done when I am not so damned tired, so I can do it right. So very tired.
I set a pot of dishes to soak. As well, a timer. In what is left of an hour I will feed and water critters, change litter, trim my whiskers, and set a small load of laundry. Reset the timer for two hours, then shower, flip dishes and laundry, and shave or sit. One more timer reset, after which trash will be collected and a final effort on dishes and laundry. The plan anyway. It could happen.
.
When did I crawl into bed? I don't even have an estimate. I know I checked the clock on the way up, and the alarm when I arrived. Those memories are blank. I slept well. I ended up taking all socks off and turning the furnace down from 72° to 66°F. It wasn't until the thermometer read 67° before going to bed. But that doesn't mean I went to bed as it dropped. When the furnace clicks on, it takes the temperature a few degrees higher. It does take hours to drop temperature, but I simply have no clue how long, or even what I was doing, after the last post.
I did have to fuss with blankets at bedtime and several times through the night, but no major fuss, no terrible cooling, just slight shuffling and jostling to keep ahead of any real trouble. I didn't have to wake fully, just enough to move my feet together or cover a minor gap. Actually I prefer to keep an eye and ear about that open.
As to the sounds the other night? Cats. Definitely. My girls. I caught them making the exact same sounds yesterday. Never heard that before. Well, and ice and snow mini- avalanches from the roof. I am in the 90s percent sure it was all... natural and native. Thankfully.
Ending posting? It, like dishes, getting trash out, cleaning the place, and other things will happen... when I am ready and able. It is coming. I am just too tired to make sure I am doing it correctly. It will be done when I am not so damned tired, so I can do it right. So very tired.
I set a pot of dishes to soak. As well, a timer. In what is left of an hour I will feed and water critters, change litter, trim my whiskers, and set a small load of laundry. Reset the timer for two hours, then shower, flip dishes and laundry, and shave or sit. One more timer reset, after which trash will be collected and a final effort on dishes and laundry. The plan anyway. It could happen.
Cotton and wool works.
.
.
So long as you don't get your feet wet it works. Wool is too bulky to put under cotton, so the choice of which first was easy. Hot now, too hot. But after days of shivering I am enjoying. As bedtime approaches I will turn the furnace down and take off the wools. I will take the cotton socks off at bedtime, when I am crawling in to bed. Actually, both pairs off, now.
Is it the socks, or am I just doing better? I can't be sure. If I am doing better, I am not feeling it in any other way. Though being able to be warm is significant, actually. To be honest, sensing I could work, while still being too cold, is utter frustration. If I can warm, then get to feeling like working, then opportunity increases.
I am finished with newer single player games. I could go back and pick off trophies. Not sure I am all that interested. I also have a pvp combat game. Not sure I really want to play it. The learning curve is brutal. Senior players prefer playing against noobs. It's one of the toughest games, no auto-aim, aim assist, as if that matters. I... just don't know.
I had hoped to get to work. Thinking it was Friday night. So it's Saturday? Whatever! I have been sleeping, but poorly. And off any schedule. Yeah. If days went by my sleep, it would probably be Wednesday. I am lucky to have made it to the V.A. Hmm, I wonder if going back to the bottle would help. Comparatively, I'm not sure it could hurt? What's it been, three years? More?
.
So long as you don't get your feet wet it works. Wool is too bulky to put under cotton, so the choice of which first was easy. Hot now, too hot. But after days of shivering I am enjoying. As bedtime approaches I will turn the furnace down and take off the wools. I will take the cotton socks off at bedtime, when I am crawling in to bed. Actually, both pairs off, now.
Is it the socks, or am I just doing better? I can't be sure. If I am doing better, I am not feeling it in any other way. Though being able to be warm is significant, actually. To be honest, sensing I could work, while still being too cold, is utter frustration. If I can warm, then get to feeling like working, then opportunity increases.
I am finished with newer single player games. I could go back and pick off trophies. Not sure I am all that interested. I also have a pvp combat game. Not sure I really want to play it. The learning curve is brutal. Senior players prefer playing against noobs. It's one of the toughest games, no auto-aim, aim assist, as if that matters. I... just don't know.
I had hoped to get to work. Thinking it was Friday night. So it's Saturday? Whatever! I have been sleeping, but poorly. And off any schedule. Yeah. If days went by my sleep, it would probably be Wednesday. I am lucky to have made it to the V.A. Hmm, I wonder if going back to the bottle would help. Comparatively, I'm not sure it could hurt? What's it been, three years? More?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)