A nap, before long.

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With chores done, and milk and cream delivered, it may be time to go on to bed.  I wished to stay awake long enough to test blood pressure and sugar.  BP is 123/83 with a pule of 76.  I don't care, that is good.  Especially having missed a couple of night meds recently, somehow.  Blood sugar wasn't great, at 235 non-fasting.  I had breakfast... two, closer to three or more, hours ago.  Not happy with it, but it is done.

I am about to have some sardines, take another dose, and hopefully get a nap going.  Hoping for just a nap, one to three hours down.  The day is, or was, sunny.  And it was warmer this morning.  Can't tell how things are turning out now.  Can't do much about it.  But, if it would get and stay a bit warmer, there is a chance I could do a few things out there.  Maybe.

The savory version of the chia seeds were pretty good.  Needed a bit more salt than I would like.  However, I think, with a bit of practice, I can add other spices, possibly more butter, and adjust the salt down.  Though, right now, a bit extra salt is probably good, as I claw my way toward ketosis.  Being low on salt while going into ketosis is one of the things which will lead to keto flu.  Which is every bit as rough as regular flu.

Yea, I'll get a bite ready, dose with insulin, then sleep for a bit... or at least rest.  Good afternoon and day.

Wetly warm yet frigid?

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That's what I would call it.  It is 42 out there, at around 09:00.  It doesn't look like it rained recently, but it is very moist aground.  The grasses dripping with it.  I thought there would be plenty of food still with the rabbits, but no.  They were all dry.  So, again, they have been fed a double day of feed.  Perhaps as the cold sets in they simply need more food.  Waterers were changed as well.  I need to refill the complete, or nearly, set.

On the way in, I remembered the pillow.  It has been run through the dryer several times.  Three, if I had to guess.  Once with other items, twice on it's own, usually on the hottest setting but the last was on a medium.  I am not sure if it is actually dry, but it's getting there.  Hands were too cold from being outside to decipher dryness.  Still, in it went, on a medium heat.

Now I am setting up a breakfast.  Same old, for now, until I can get to the store and get something else.  I'd like to do chia pudding, say, three times a week?  It is good food.  Oh, I will be, this morning, trying it with butter, salt, pepper, onion, garlic, and cream... perhaps a touch of turmeric, to test positive for that as a savory.  I'm pretty sure it will work, but heaven knows, ever, on anything, without trials.

Oh, a new flavor of perrier, new to me.  Pineapple.  Just sampling it for the first time this morning.  If nothing else, the flavors offer a zero carb something-something.  I only buy the flavors, or even unflavored, when the price is good enough.  I like having an alternative once in a while.  Like them?  Well, it's better than more insulin, right?  Or even more keto food, expensive as it is... or demanding.  Either you eat dirty keto, because real keto from production is either too expensive or unpalatable... or you roll up your sleeves and cook every damn thing from scratch, using special ingredients and equipment... or you quit and just eat easy trash.  Choices, choices.  I do as well as I can within the first two, going for the last when all else fails.  And, sometimes, it does.

I am still so hungry I could eat a quarter beef, or sure feel like it.  If someone butchered and cooked a steer, cooking bits and pieces as I could eat it, I think you would be surprised how far I could eat my way through the beast before yielding.  I am hungry in a disparate way.  I have to sort this out, or death or worse will solve the problem.

Hoping to get another shower in, get the litter pans cleared, start some of the dishes, and begin at least creating a shopping list.  Salad and burger would be good, pork and chicken is needed, oh, and I really need to dig into those eggs.  But, on the way, being as tired as I am, I may have to feed myself while out.  Can't shop, clean, cook, and eat solo.  Not quite yet.

Later.

No idea when I went down.

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The last text, sent, was at 19:19.  I truly wanted to go right back to bed, but couldn't for an hour, two, maybe three.  Still, I would bet  it was more like an hour and a goodly lot of change after when I finally hit, so around 21:00, plus or minus half.  So tired I couldn't think, or remember.  Not sure I even tried.  Just getting to bed, at that point was a trick.

I have been cold, for so very long.  I may have had a few days of warmth, somewhere in there, but I don't remember them.  Sleeping or waking.  Not enough food, not always the right kind, but low on air... or so it feels.  Plus, the body just isn't up to burning fuel in any case.  Well, and not enough food is being put in.  Last night was delicious.  I was too warm, sometimes, but I didn't want to risk losing it, so kept my feet in and kept tucked down in.  Wonderful.  No, I didn't layer.  That wasn't helping.  Just soiled more clothes, more quickly, while keeping up on laundry is difficult.  I was simply exceedingly careful with blanket setup and had eaten shortly before sleep.  Oh, it is taking four the five days to fill up the pee bottles I used to fill up one to two a night.  Drinking a lot less.

It was ten to six when I woke.  Woke and crawled out.  Layered just a bit and am down doing my morning report.  I am sure I took medicines well yesterday, pills to insulin, morning through the day, and at the end.  I'll get morning medicine going shortly.  I am warming a small breakfast right away.  I wonder if a savory, rather than sweet, spicing, might be nice.  Butter, plus some cream, salt, pepper, garlic, and onion?  It would by a first.

Chores, as soon as I can.  I have enough waterers.  Their food should still be good, but I will check it all.  Today is the day I try to dig back in.  Not sure what I can do, only I know it is time to begin trying to push back through.  I need to keep up on food.  Which means I need to get in the freezer.  And, sometime soon, need to get to the store.

I kept expecting it to warm.  Though the forecast I was going by suggested a warming in the next week.  Though... those can always be wrong.  And, what a warming trend is does depend on the season.  Perhaps this HAS been seasonally warmer?  I had hoped to get concrete in for the clothes lines, put some in to block a hole where mice may be getting in, and put some in a hole in the driveway.  Not sure it will get warm enough, now, to do that.  Still have a week and a half for something to show, but... not looking like it.  Or, as mentioned, a warmer than usual simply means not freezing.

On to breakfast.  Good morning and day.

Hunger.

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I had asked a friend to deliver food.  I have been unable to cook, or otherwise eat what is available.  I had not heard word, so by 16:00, had gone on to bed.  However, in the off chance he would deliver food, without texting his imminent arrival, I set out cash and hoped he would know to put the food in the fridge.  Well, also, as an option, so he wouldn't feel required to jawbone with me for an half hour to hour.

I know, you know, and he knows, that such is not required.  But, we always end up jabbering for a while, a long while.  I do enjoy the talks, but as mentioned, don't require them if that doesn't... seem to translate.  Anyway.  I left... another option open.  And, certainly, he took that option.  All good.  I was just pleased to have food!

He must have texted shortly after delivering the food.  I was absolutely famished!  Though sleeping, my hunger hadn't left.  I must have heard the text, somewhere back in there, and turned.  I don't remember hearing the text at all.  Still, less than a minute after the text was received, I rolled and checked the phone, and there was I informed food was here, in the fridge.

I dropped, as if a bird flying a controlled fall from the sky, brought out some of the food, that which was to be eaten.  So very hungry, but I wanted to... savor.  Yea?  Shut up.  Anyway... I set the meal out, arranged everything, delaying the meal, hoping to slow it.  Oh dear me, when it started... I inhaled it.  Couldn't do other.

So hungry, surprised I didn't get a bit of tongue in with it, at least some blood if no chunks.  Must have been terrifying, if one were to behold.  Scarf?  Of another sort.  There was money not taken.  Still, I wished to check, to ensure there had been enough.  And to thank.  I try not to be so complete, in thought, yet that is how it is when I am in this frosted thought land. I am still quite in the death zone, merely at a lower camp.  Anyway... dinner was served.

Perhaps, now, I can go back to bed for a bit.  I will check the rabbits the next time I arise.  Absolutely crashing.  Good... night?  Or something.  Oh... I did get insulin in.  I will now get night meds in.  Good night for a bit or longer.  Or more likely a lot longer.  I should have slept around 10:00, so pushing to 16:00... and things are... wrong.  Goodnight.

Someone thinks they are funny.

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The responses were so varied and yet... seemed to fit.

Oh... I... get it.  There were various ways to take, and respond.

When sleep intrudes upon the day.

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Each of my mothers... gave me something.  She?  Cold.  She had her limits.

Not a comfortable morning.

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Between the sensation of midsection bruising, and a bit of gassiness which would resolve, possibly from the bellyache, and a sleepiness I am about to surrender to, well... and a few other things, this morning is uncomfortable.

Further, time seems to be going by so very slowly.  First, it took hours, or seemed to, to get food going then in.  Chia pudding, fried pork skin with salsa, and a few pieces of cheese finally went in.  I set an alarm for two hours, what seems like many hours ago.  At 10:02, it is a full 1:05 of the 2:30 hour timer originally set remaining.  It just isn't going fast enough.  I may end up in bed shortly.

My cells don't burn, my lungs are a bit weary but don't hurt, my heart is just slightly sore from weariness.  The bruised sensation is lightly still there, if the worst of it is just a crushing sleepiness, which actually is what hurts the heart and lungs.  Mildly, but that is what is doing it.

I would like to check the numbers, but the time isn't right, and I am very much too tired.  I'll go on up, get some more sleep, hopefully waking so as to get a few things done today.  I'll claw my way out, hopefully in time to do some things.  Good day, and night, again.

I keep praying for some of you.  Don't worry, I don't think I'm in great need.  I'll... be here for a very long time.  Suffering seems to be the only product I can create... create?  or endure?  Be well.

A few more things.

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The rabbit died last night.  I checked him.  He had a wonderful pelt, he had fat, he was warm, and none of the other rabbits showed signs of stress.  I think it was just his time.  Yea, I feel bad when any animal dies for no good reason, or to any cause or use.  It was his brother who died previously.  Nearly identical.  I just think they weren't long-lived.  The blanket was still good, so I brought it back in... if I will wash it first.

Oh, and bp was probably a bit high because I did miss last night.  I was sure I had taken medicine, but it seems not.  I just rechecked, to see if I took a night group out of a missed set from this week, but, no.  I don't think so.  I had stayed up a bit long, must just have gotten confused.

Another chia breakfast coming up.  I am hoping for much better, soon.  I have fresh onions, greyer cheese, ham or deli meats, and the best, fresh eggs!  Oh, I... had almost forgotten.  I'll have a shirred egg platter before long.  Though, this time, if I remember while at it, I will hold the yolk back for the first fifteen to twenty minutes, just cooking them the last ten to fifteen minutes?  Whatever it takes.  Getting the whites to cook is taking way more time than the yolks.  While the yolks are still, say, a quarter liquid, I prefer more like half or three quarters.  Ugh but the things we have to do to get a meal just right.  Oh, and I will be dicing the onion down to where it nearly melts into the meal... diced to a t?  Some such.

I was thinking... what does gruyere taste like?  It's been a while.  A lady who visits, from time to time, suggested it.  Oh, I know I have eaten it, and quite enjoyed it.  I just... can't remember what it does taste like.  Still... nice to have a meal planned.  It makes mucking through the day a bit easier.  

I won't be testing blood sugar for a while.  A few hours after breakfast, and dosing.  On the good or bad side, I definitely did take both types of insulin last night.  I simply ate a bad food, or when it was cold which made it worse?  Who knows.  I'll... just keep at it.  Will get there.  Would rather accident high, initially, than crash... asleep or awake.  That really is a close dance with death, blood sugar drops.  Later.

Tenderly painful.

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It was between 19:00 and 21:00 when I went down.  I think it was later into 20:00, like 46 after?  I can't be sure.  But thereabouts.  Waking just at 03:30, give or take a few minutes.  Sleep was mostly good.  Innards still feel like a knotted bruise, but an easier one, as the bruise is finally breaking up.  I've had more bruises than you have had dreams, by far.

Stats are all a bit to a lot high.  I'll scratch that and take them after meds.  I know why some of them are high, not others.  However, from the way of things?  I may put that other heart medicine back into play if the numbers continue to run higher.  Hmm... I still want to give it a few days.  And, maybe, I should check bp only after taking medicines, and then an half hour.

My feet aren't just looking better.  My gnarled toenails are... moderating.  Further, as mentioned, they fit size 15 mediums just about perfectly, even with thick socks.  Wonderful.  I wore twelves until the Navy, for there really weren't bigger, save for custom, in my areas.  The Navy got me into thirteens.  And... I thought that was it.  I thought my feet were deformed for their nature, not the wrong shoe size.

Just recently, after buying shoes for a good worker from time to time... as his feet grew, I started wondering.  A literal measurement, from information from him, finally led me to understand I should be in, at least, 15's.  Of course, with swollen feet, that wasn't the whole of it.  Though I didn't realize that as the problem then.  

Finally, I had shoes that mostly fit, but kept trying to find the righter sizes.  It wasn't until I had several new shoes and boots, and the swelling, for the first time in years, decades more likely, went away, that I find myself with a stable of good shoes.  I also have one which is definitely larger yet, a work boot.  But that will handle two thick socks if need be.  And I have one other I need to try on, which might be a bit larger as with the boots.  If so, I will probably still keep them, in case I have a bad day/week with water.  I don't think that is permanently gone.  With three or four pair of boots and shoes which fit, and two larger, I am... finally able, after four decades, to put my best foot forward on any given day.

And, as mentioned, my toes are normalizing.  Not always squished together, or shoved from the toe into the body, they are improving.  I may see about a pedicure, twice a month, to get the last of the curls and barbs out.  Those helped with the pain, but with the source of the pain gone, now, just a few might complete health.  I'd love to continue with those, but not required.  A few sessions should get them righted.  Oh my God, but what the right size shoes can do!

To imagine the horrible pains, just from that, which have been ended.  To further realize that that suffering was only a trivial of the many I suffer.  It was almost never discussed, compared to the kidneys, abdominals, bone, muscle, headaches/migraines, and others.  You have no idea...

Later.

Rough, if roughly better.

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I have to go on to bed.  I will check on the furry eared one first.  I think I will take him a blanket.  Just a little pet one.  It'll probably get ruined, but...  And whether it will help or not.  Still, I want to try something.  That is what I can do.

Blood pressure is 129/82 with a pulse of 78.  Strange, how those things are running.  A little higher, but livable.  The pulse is what really surprises me.  Whatever.  I am just an observer, trying to get medicine in, let it do it's thing.  Not a lot I can do elsewise.  Now, blood sugar almost scares me.  At 126, with limited dosing, it's a bit spooky.  That's a 233 point drop from my last read, with only a normal dose... if with an added slow acting dose missed last night.

I will be hitting another slow acting dose, as I go to sleep.  But just the usual.  It's a bit of a risk, but I hate missing doses.  We will see.

I'm still a bit rough.  Sleepiness is taking the edge off.  In a few days, if pain persists, I will try anacin.  Unless it has been stolen, again.  I will sleep better, with chores done.  And the critters tended as possible.  Fed, and else.  Still, hoping to wake before too many hours and get to a few more things.  I should put the whites in the dryer, while heading out that way.

A shower, first thing, would be grand.  I am doing a good deal better, if there is still a lot of slop and pain in the mechanisms.  I'll keep at it.  But doing a lot... a little... mostly... partly... better.  I'll keep at it.  The steps seem to be leading somewhere.  Good day and night.

A tough day.

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Having gotten some things done, I am pleased with the day.  I am doing very small extra things... checking on the rabbit, feeding the girls, and such.  My throat is dry.  I am using a lot less sweetener, and mixing what I do use, so am using a lot less liquid sucralose.  I almost wonder if that isn't part of the dry throat.

I have monkfruit, a mix of it and erythritol I think.  But I have ordered other sweeteners.  The idea is not only to find ones which work better with diabetes, but also work better with various cooking and baking jobs.  The ones I am ordering this month have arrived.  How fast I will get to trying them is another matter.  But I do think a now seemingly permanent aftertaste is from one, the other, or the cutting of one.  Though I think blood sugar numbers are better, given what I am eating and what doses of insulin I am taking.  If, of course, that... seems to still be jumping and collapsing at odd times.

 I lost track of... everything, for a while.  Getting tired, body is aching again, neck bones hurt.  Still, I would like to stay up for two more hours, for sure, testing bp and blood sugar then.  And, doing a final check on the rabbit.  I am getting him out, holding him, warming him a bit.  I hold him until he thinks he should run, then hold him a bit longer, petting him and warming him.  I'll do what I can for him.  Not sure he will make it, but will try to give him extra attention and what care I may the next few days.

His poor health is pulling my out of my own troubles.  Later.

Very hit or miss.

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Some days are that way.  Still, I was able to get some things done.  The rabbits were fed and watered.  Ducks were given food, and water was run for them as well.  I got the pillow and case down, soaked them for a bit.  They were looking pretty good, so I put them in the wash.  The first time on cold.  But they looked so good, I put another load of whites in with them, and hit hot with soap and bleach.

Eventually, I got started on breakfast.  I looked over the ham rounds.  They are good enough for keto.  Perhaps dirty keto, but it's what I can do at the moment.  Still, I wasn't ready to make eggs, so just did another batch of chia.  I'd like to add flax, but that would take finding the flax in the freezer, pulling out some to grind, grinding, then storing that (back in the freezer).  Ugh.  No.  Still, it's on my mind.

I just got morning meds down, and insulin with breakfast.  Oh, and I realize some of the problem.  I didn't take the slow acting last night.  I got that in this morning, so... it may help.  Doing my best.

The exhaustion that hit earlier seems to have mostly past.  Not that I am in superior shape, but I am not failing quickly just with a few steps.  Dang, but I enjoy that chia.  It really is pretty good, cheap, and else.  Weird?  Yeah.  But what isn't weird the first time you eat it.  Or, really, even probably the thousandth?  Food is weird.  Sex is weird, actually.  Even as many times as I have had it, I... it's weird.  Wake up, on any given day, and do something other than what is planned.  Weird.  Heck, even doing the same thing you have done for decades, sometimes... even that... is just weird.  So, get over it.  Try something new, or very old, just to remember what it is like to challenge your notions... at least if it is good or right.  You know what you shouldn't try.  You... know.  You wouldn't be reading here otherwise, or at least having a good idea.

I am trying to stay up to afternoon anyway.  Maybe later.  Not sure I will.  But I did get a lot done.  One of the rabbits is a bit off.  I want to check on him.  He's a little guy.  And, honestly, the ladies do hold up better than the gents, oddly.  Anyway, I am hoping to check on him.

Later.

Well, I don't know.

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Well, finally got around to doing tests.  BP is 110/77 with a pulse of 78.  I am quite happy with that.  It is about time to take morning meds... if I am staying awake.  I think I will be awake for a while, so might as well take them.  Blood sugar is 359.  Quite annoying.  The beans must have been more trouble than I thought.  Still, I needed something more solid.  I'll have to sort that out, get lower carb, lower glycemic index food.  Or just... deal with it until I can.

I think, for now, the blood pressure medicine is as good as I can do things.  I will leave it go for a week, testing daily.  If it stays in the range, I'll keep it right there.  If it lowers a bit, I have room to cut.  If it jumps a bit, I have room to add.  At 120/80... or below, that is considered healthy.  My average since restarting meds for a bit, then beginning doing readings again, is 119.75/74.333.  So... very good.  I did have to cut meds just a bit, but it looks like it actually is doing well.  For now.  And that is with that higher reading from sleeping through a normal medicine time.

Blood sugar is high, but... it's coming done.  I don't want to crash it.  I have some limits.  It is what it is.  I'll keep working on that, and it will come under control soon enough.  I just don't want to crash really hard.  That sets me back a lot.  I'd rather ease it down, and make errors to the high side.  Sorting foods, and fasting, so as to aim for a smoother landing.  Those sugar dives are unnerving.  

When I can, and I can in time, I will get out and do chores.  Feeling really thirsty, but drinking even the bubbly water isn't very likely.  Thirsty, though, too.  I'm sort of in a troubled life, between being dehydrated, and yet thirst as a devil from diabetes.  Both are making consumption difficult.  Bleh.  It's not about perfect, it is about trying to do the right things, for the right reasons.

Praying to God for help, bowing to His wisdom, and doing one's darnedest to get it right.  Might fail.  Will have done all I can do.  And will be grateful for the opportunity.

Oh, I should check the hams.  I... forget to do that, assuming I am dealing with good companies.  If they put a bunch of sugar in there, that might be why blood sugar was so high.  I try to buy low/no carbs items.  And just expect meat to be zero carb, but am often fooled by evil producers.  They just want us to die, and are dying to help kill us.  Evil is everywhere, goes with the greed I guess.

If the ham is good, I may have some more, with a few eggs, and dose again.  Or, just a few eggs and something something?  Bacon would be good.  Later.

Terribly tired again.

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Tired to the point where cells hurt... burn.  Not quite sure why that happens yet.  Not enough air, or some chemistry missing something vital, is all I can be sure of.  I did, finally, get out and get a dose of insulin... with a glass of milk to give it something to work with.

I also set up a electrolytes, with some of the carbonated water.  My feet are almost too thin.  Still, there are so many people's feet I have seen, at least when they were fit, that this is what they look like.  Athletic, I would call them, if the rest of me isn't.  On the good side, now a 15 medium fits easily.  The toebox is just right.  I need to try a pair of shoes I ordered, to see if they are in range.  If a little loose, even so, I will keep them for those... fat days.  It will happen, off and on, the rest of my life... short or long.

Aches and pains are back.  And, yes, I took painpills.  It may be working, is the frustrating things.  A lot of pain, I believe, was already being hidden by my body, as it does.  And, I suspect a lot of pain is being diminished by the painpills.  But quite a bit is still leaking through.  Plus, the exhaustion is painful in it's own right.  This may just be as good as it gets, for me, as things stand.

I want to do chores, and take a shower, then go back to bed.  Not sure I can make it.  I keep staying up, hoping I will do things, then not doing things.  Ugh.  Something about shifting, or getting off the plot?  :p  I need to either just go back to bed, or get started on a few things.  I would like to stay awake a few more hours though, so as to test bp and blood sugar.  Later.

More than a bite, or drink.

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I have to have a larger meal per day.  Chia seed, while quite nice, truly, is not... heavy on the filling side.  Even with heavy cream, there is just... so little to it.  Same with cheese sandwiches.  Two slices of cheese, plus three 3" diameter slices of very thin deli meat, even doubled, is... rather light.  So, each day, I need a meal with more.

So far I haven't figured out what would be good keto food, more filling, and have it on hand.  I haven't been able to even get into my freezer, to get chops or other meats out and thawed, let alone to get back to the store and buy heftier cuts of meat.  Though meat alone won't do.  I need a fuller meal, of meat, and at least one side.  Though broccoli, salad, cauliflower, or other veggies, cooked or raw, plus else, such as sauerkraut, will do.  I need a substantial meal.

Looking in the fridge, tonight, I noticed I had purchased breakfast hams.  More like 4" diameter rounds, but much thicker than deli cuts, in there.  Six of them.  And, while not ideally keto, and nearly twice the normal allotment of carbs (for a normal diet, if just about max for my recommendations), a can of beans was seen as a good choice.  So I fried the ham, then drained and rinsed the beans... frying those after the ham was warmed.  Then adding shredded cheese.  

Shredded, from the store?  Yes.  There are hills to die on, that isn't one I will die on.  It will simply have to do.

Ah, finally, a solid meal.  I had thought about fast food, but decided on this.  Given the hour of the day, I may not have had a choice in any case.  Wonderful.  Now to remember to get a dose of insulin before too long.  Yea, a very good meal.  I have already taken heart medicine, night meds as is right at this point.  So, if I get a larger dose of insulin, I will check all the numbers in a few hours.  Hopefully getting chores done in there.  Ugh.  Sam is such a carpet shark.  I saved a portion of one of the rounds, and cut it up for her.  I... actually like doing that, after getting over the oddities of it.

I remember calling a woman spoiled, for asking me to do that for her.  But, now, I... wouldn't mind dicing her meat.  It is a gift to offer some slight relief to another human... for whatever reason.  Spoiled?  No.  Loved, I think would be the right word.  I think she had something diagnosable, but... what does it matter.  If a small action would mean something measurable... why not offer it?  We were both rather harsh on each other, if I did it more in response.  Still... interesting memories.  And she was a wonderful pussycat.

Well...  On to... waking, again, digesting, and maybe more.  Good day and waking night.  Later.

Short days, long nights.

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I can't be sure when I went to bed, finally, again.  It was later than my last post.  I got lost in a haze... couldn't go to bed, couldn't wake up.  Sometime between 14:00 and 16:00, but that is totally a guess.  I kept trying to wake, it just wouldn't happen.  My stomach feels hard, as if recovering from a mule kick.  Don't kid yourself, if you get hit by something strong, it takes a long time to heal.  At this point, there isn't a point of impact, it is the total of muscles and whatever else in my belly which is taught, bruised, uncomfortable.  Sometimes it even makes me a bit gassy... but nothing which isn't probably normal.  I almost never get gassy, so, for me, it is unusual.

I made three attempts to rouse myself, to no good ends.  I only, eventually, just, woke... and that because I had a bloody nose.  I thought I had stoppered it well enough, only to find a puddle.  Gah!  I hate that.  After typing this out, and waking, I'll put the pillow and case in cold water, after soaping it a bit... to try to get the stains out.  Later, I will put it in with some other whites, bleach, soap, and...  Hmm... actually it depends on how well it came out.  If it is sticking, I may run it through a cold, bleach, run, then soak it again if that doesn't do.  Something like that.

I slept through the day, so obviously haven't taken night meds.  I was curious what the read would be.  It is 138/101 with a pulse of 95.  Blood sugar is 296 fasting.  Not the best, given it was 176 last time.  And while I did have a small meal of cheese and milk, I took 16 cc's of fast acting with it.  Still, it's the first... second... fasting below three hundred since I have started monitoring again.  And, nights are usually higher, fasting or not, than general, without ongoing insulin.  Or, generally from what I have seen.

The new painkillers are only doing so-so.  I am thinking for going back to the old ones, or the even older ones.  I will try acetaminophen, and if that fails, go back to aspirin and caffeine.  Not... for long term, just to see if something helps better, and is less dangerous, in this stage of things.  Any of these could be dangerous, at a certain level.  But... one test a week, really one dose a week... if it fails, a different type a few days later.  If I find one that works on what ails me at the moment, just stick to that, and one dose... high or normal depending on the type, perhaps twice a week... that will do.  Everything is slightly experimental.  Odd that one will work on one sort or set of pains, while another works better at another time.  I don't get that, I just know it is the way of it.  At least, when the migraine stuff works, I can normal dose it.  The others take quadruple the amounts recommended.  Odd, but true.

Oh... beside pillows, I will do chores, very shortly.  A shower sometime before dawn too, it is hoped.  A little rough, but better than I have been in months... these last few days.  Not... at it.  But the pain is diffuse, the aches more rounded than sharp, more consistent than pounding.  I always wondered why they didn't try to treat Frankenstein, say in a nursing home.  Now I know.  Too wildly strong to be treated gently, in too much pain to be soothed.  Some things have to live on their own until they can just die.  I would guess, even this moderate level of pain would cause most folk to commit suicide, or find street drugs.  I'd... rather the pain.  Yeah, I know, that makes me a freak.  I'd rather be a freak that a more broken wreck.  Amen.

Bedtime, shortly.

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.

I can't say why I am not already in bed.  I feel pretty rough.  Neck bone aches, stomach upset... a bit.  Nothing... all that specific.  Like a very light flu or cold.  I wanted to be to bed earlier, but... Oh right!  I wanted to be awake a bit longer, to check on blood sugar.  I was afraid it would drop more.

After nearly three more hours, I put checked.  At 176, a 36 point jump from just a small piece of cheese... well, and two drops of liquid sucralose... which sometimes does, sometimes doesn't, affect blood sugar... I am satisfied that blood sugar will probably not crash.  And, if it does, I should be able to wake and deal with it.  Nothing fancy, but some hard candy... as much as it takes... then back to it in my next waking cycle.  Still, a good number.  The second best since I have started measuring again.

I would like more food, and something to drink.  The problem is I am not hungry enough to do much, and not thirsty at all.  I did have another pint... more like two... if of tea... adding two droppers of the sweetener so as to finish it off.  Very odd that.  Electrolytes do make drinking a bit easier, too.  The problem is there is a limit to how much of that I should use per day.  I have used two dose in the last twelve hours.  Which, currently, in dehydration mode, is fine.  I don't mind an extra dose every other day for the next week.  If I can handle it.  Already burning out on it, oddly.

Hmm, though... maybe... a cheddar cheese and ham sandwich?  Not so sure about a fatted tea.  Just a bit too cloying.  Thick.  Maybe a smaller bottle of water, or even a smaller glass of milk.  More insulin?  Maybe 8 to 16 cc's?  Maybe.  I'm not sure if it will jerk too much lower from a little or not.  It... gets screwy as it is coming back under control, especially with bp coming under control at the same time.  Fine, 8 cc's.  Enough to be a bit without, probably, crashing the system.  I hate that.  Then having to sort the carbs from the candy for a few days to week.  Bleh.  I do my best.

Well...  Oh, and if I can, I will do chores.  Later.

Going back to bed.

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Sam finally showed up, so I fed the girls.

I will probably have the last bit of cheese left, of the smaller wheel.  Plus something to drink, perhaps fatted coffee?  Maybe.

It has been four hours, roughly, since testing then eating and two hours since I tested blood sugar without eating more.  Without more insulin, and not eating for four hours, blood sugar went down a huge bit again.  It is at 140, a hundred and eleven point drop.  Very strange.  I won't take insulin with the... tea, plain, I think, and cheese.  I did take some candies upstairs, and there is some downstairs.  That is a huge, almost scary, drop.  Especially with no insulin since it was 363?  Crazy.

Dark out, still.  Cloudy, heavily overcast or seems so and was last time I peeked out.  All good.  I haven't done chores.  I don't think I can.  But I may anyway.  Will see shortly.  And, maybe, a treat for the girls.  They don't, usually, get much.  And they won't this time, perhaps seven to twelve small bits.  Thankfully they can't count.  Every various feeding is like a feast to them, even if I'm cutting it a bit thin.  :p  They remind me, so much, of regular women... somehow.  Somethings don't matter, regardless of the species.

Later, or most likely... good... night, and day, and morning.  

A bit longer.

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More of the electrolytes, in with just carbonated water.  Plus extra water.  Dehydrated a bit, can tell from several signs.  Drinking isn't helping much, or doesn't seem to.  Still, I need the fluid, and this is helping me get it down.  Half the water I get in is with the extra electrolytes, half is just plain.

BP is 106/81 with a pulse of 89.  Blood sugar is finally coming down a bit, or bit more.  It's been a struggle.  It is 251.  SpO2 is 96, mostly.  I'm not sure those devices are accurate at all.  Anyway... all taken care of, so I may head on back to bed.

I took care of the girls' litter after the last post, and will feed them, if I can find Sam.  She disappeared.  I banged around her usual spots, but either she is sleep  very well, or just ignoring me.  Unusual, she has been begging for food up to an half hour ago.  Well, then again, that is just enough time for her to crash.  I'll stay up, just a bit longer, waiting for her to show.

As well, will get the rabbits fed and watered.  And ducks, if they need it.  Will check.  Later.  Or good night, if I don't sign back in.  I would try to stay up, but I honestly need sleep, rest, recuperation, more than I need to be awake.  I have to rest enough that I can begin working again, and sooner than later.  Still, I'll... push it a bit for Sam and else.

Up, and at it, lightly.

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I can't be certain when I went to bed.  Ah... I took blood sugar right before, so... it suggest it was 16:00 on the dot.  And I went to bed pretty much right thereafter.  Just spending probably less than a minute to log it.  I was so very tired.  I slept until 02:00, pretty much exactly.  Sam was hungry, and let me know.  Plus, I wanted to get up and do a few things.

Just treats, so far.  But, before long, I will get them a regular food meal.  As well, I will hit their litter.  I would like to take a shower, but may wait until morning.  I am fixing another meal of chia, as before.  Though, sometime, I would like to add fresh ground flax.  I am already adding just a hint of turmeric.  It's not my favorite, dries the mouth out terribly.  This time I used much hotter water, hoping it is warmer.  Like a hot semi-soup.

Oh, I have been thirsty, but even carbonated water has been... uninteresting.  Nothing I could drink would touch the thirst.  So, I remembered the electrolyte powder, Dr. Berg's, I think.  It really is one of the best, and truly keto, without hidden ingredients in it.  A bit pricey, but, for some things, to be done right, it honestly does cost money.  If you don't need it?  Don't buy it.  My package is a bit old.  Still, it works.  I add that to perrier, and, actually, it was wonderful.  Plus it managed the thirst a bit.  I am down to drinking just two to three liters a day, sum total, for good or ill.  I... think... this is the right way.  My feet and ankles have been normal for weeks, or a month now.

Bits of everything wrong, taken care of one at a time.  Started, really, with feet and water bloat.  Then to blood pressure, and now splitting between bp and blood sugar, though water still has to be watched.  Too much, too little, it can all get you.  Well, and back to food.  

I would really like to begin fermenting kefir again.  I just... I fell behind, am afraid of what is in there.  I think it can be fed be up, but will be terribly bitter the first few jugs.  Then to get it back to, say, three to four ongoing but fresher jugs.  Some lot of it will have to be fed up, mostly dumped, and refreshed, several times, before it may be edible.  Worth the effort, as I can almost live on that, when I keep it in tune.

What a fantastic meal.  Added a third of the Edam small wheel.  Odd how things one never thought they might like they end up loving?  I really think everything is an acquired tasted, so choose your acquisitions well.  Though, truth to tell, it takes baby steps to get away from the simple, such as much veggies, course meat products which is what we had to get through our early life, to even something like cabbage, though cheeses too.  It's odd, but to find the simple divine, of right food and drink, is a humble crawl toward some attempt at maturity.  I do... get it... when Jews consider God to be more perfectly mature than perfectly divine... or some such.  If... too... I am positive they are minimalisticly incorrect.  They are confusing, I think, their hopes for themselves with the reality of God.  Missing the mark by the infinite.

Anyway... Now what to do?  Oh, I need to take insulin, then do testing in a few hours.  Then, maybe, back to bed.  I just can't... do much, or much else.  But this is something.  As well, as I go to bed, I'll get the ladies' litter, and feed them a can, or their parts of it.  Later.

An hour and change more.

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The chia seed pudding was... delicious.  Not as warm as I hoped, being one of "those" days.  Cool, rainy, chilly, dark, dreary.  Even if it was warm, the environment robbed the sense of the feel.  Or tried.  Tasty.  And somewhat warming.  I'll use warmer water next time.  Three teaspoons, with water, made about 2/3rds of a pint, the last was filled with cream to make a pint.  Really quite good, and cheap, to be honest.

As well, I had a third of a smaller round of edam cheese.  Oh, it's been a while.  That was treat too.  Insulin was taken.  Though, it doesn't seem to be working.  Very strange.  Still, care in usage, and eating, will do me better than a rush to heal.  As a last bit, a part of a bottle of water.

I am drinking much less, and cautiously.  As with food, insulin, and medicine, I simply must be alert and cautious.  I had to change the batteries on the glucometer.  Some batteries haven't been the right size, in spite of honestly supposed to be being the right size.  I was a bit fearful.  But they worked.  Surprised they were needed so quickly.  I received this glucometer, say, this spring?  And it has two batteries.  Then again, it takes a very small amount of blood.  I'd rather pay in batteries than blood.  Still, it's back to work.

I have about another hour before I do testing.  I could take bp now, but like to take it all together.  After that, I am crawling back into bed for a while.  Hoping for no more dreams, but that... is it's own thing.  I'll brush my teeth and crash.  Had hoped to do a few things, just haven't had the energy.

On the good side, it isn't a terrible day.  I am merely too sleepy to continue on.  Though, perhaps, when I wake... either from a nap or a longer sleep, I might get to things.  Today, tomorrow, soon.  I... have intentions.  Well, and I will at least check litter and feed the girls.  And even leave the door open, should they want to come up and see me.  Or... sleep on me.  Silly cat types.

I may not go the distance...  Hmm, yeah.  I'll just take the reading now, and crash if their are no warnings.  BP is 114/78 with a pulse of 87, SpO2 is 93, and blood sugar is 363.  I really thought that would have come down a bit.  It rose around twenty.  Though, the last few days, it has been rising by a hundred.  :p

Now, on to bed for a nap or more.  Good afternoon, day, and maybe night.

Oh... someone keeps trying to suggest I have crohn's disease?  Recently they suggested a vegetarian diet, to cure it.  I had to laugh.  Vegetarians are one-hammer people, and insidious in their attempts to get other people to eat their constipation diet.  No, and no thank you.  If I had crohn's, I wouldn't weigh two eighty, especially eating as lightly as I do on top of it.  And, even if I did, I wouldn't go vegetarian for it.  I doubt any science behind vegetarians, or worse veganism, for almost any but a few causes.  And never have that advice come from the mouth of a vegetarian/vegan.  Gotta come from a third party, disinterested in that lifestyle.

I don't know if their intentions are good, or evil.  I get veganism and vegetarianism tossed at me often.  It would be cute if it wasn't such a horrible way to live.  It's a religion, not a diet.  No.  thank.  you.

Someone was here.

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While taking medicine, I thought it looked off.  According to the way my medicine set was arranged, it looked as if I hadn't taken medicine last night.  The thing is, I know I did.  I have been very careful about everything, including taking, and remembering taking, medicines.  With all that has been happening, I have been being extra careful.

I wondered, previously, if I had been taking medicines too often.  Trying to keep up on missed doses.  That would happen is someone was messing with medicine.  I am going to have to be very careful, apparently, going forward.  I always check my doors at night.  I may have forgotten the extra locks, or they have found a way to get past those.  The door was wide open this morning!  The back door.

I might have just thought I did forget, or adjusted medicine myself, until I saw the back door wide open.  I know I saw that closed right before I went to bed.  I must have scared whoever was in, out.  But in a hurry.  The evil around one is so... deep, sometimes.

I have gone back to chia, and am setting up a chia pudding for breakfast.  I wasn't in a hurry to eat.  Wasn't sure what to eat.  Chia and other such has been on my mind.  I don't have nuts around, so wasn't sure.  Then again, I will only eat those every few days.  And didn't always eat them with chia seed pudding as was.  I added a pinch of turmeric, though not terribly necessary unless adding ground flax... freshly ground is best, and a spice or coffee grounder works.  As well, munkfruit mix sweetener and cinnamon.  Adding hot water, and giving it time to turn into more of a jelly.  As well, I will add cream.  Should be tasty.  

That and a dose of fast acting insulin.  After counting, and recounting medicine, plus knowing I took last nights medicine, I reset the medset rightly and took the right portion for today.  I may begin hiding my medicineset.  As well as paying close attention to what I taken, and when.  Thing is, it isn't difficult to switch and pull meds...  Even if I do, generally, look over my medicines before they go down the hatch, a few drops of other might be uncomfortable to deadly.  That my be the point.  Some would prefer death.  When you meet that, you know who you are dealing with.

It has been raining all morning, or sprinkling as it is now.  I have been slow to eat, slow to take medicines, so I have been slow to take my next round of readings.  It'll be two hours, I am thinking, after I finish breakfast.  I could go without, go to later, but with as weak as I have been, I am going to eat more regularly.  Only when back to a better station of health will I begin considering intermittent fasting.  One thing at a time, but I am getting there.

Paranoid much?  I try not to be.  But when everything points to external problems, I have no choice.  I have died for fools and foolishness one too many times.  Still try to be right, but understand sometimes evil will lie to your face and stab you in the back.  Gotta be careful.  All I'm saying.

Oh, but about the day...

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.

Well, up and at it.  Up at 08:30.  I can't be sure when I went to bed, but I thought it was 20:30, so twelve hours down?  Maybe.  I needed rest.  And, that dream, while sort of a single dream?  It was all night.  I would wake, consider what had happened, thing it was over, like episodes in a show.  All night, save perhaps the last three or four hours.  Two hours?  Something.

Then I had to try to get that written up.  Wasn't sure I should share it, but... why not.  I don't need believe, nor care.  And, I know, killing me won't change anything.  Kill... murder...  there is a difference, but the state and church may kill at their discretion.  It's always been the way.  Not that they won't be held accountable, right or wrong.

It's a quarter after ten.  The girls have been fed.  I am thirsty, but not.  I got my morning numbers, untouched by medicine.  BP is 120/92 with a pulse of 99.  Oxygen reader is at SpO2 92.  And blood sugar is 348 fasting.  Sounds terrible, but it's two hundred down from two days ago and a hundred down from yesterday.  There are limits to how fast it can drop.  Though, even insulin isn't having a large effect, or quickly.  Still, I must begin being very cautious.  It may well drop two to three hundred points in a single smaller or larger dose.  So, I am going to try to go the long road, and cut doses to 25 slow acting in the evening, and 20 to 30 cc's per meal, unless I hit 180.  Then... begin tapering to 8 to 16 cc's, to a degree depending on what I am eating.

I am slightly fearful of taking heart medicine as usual.  But I have cut how much I take, and when I take it, so may go ahead.  I am comfortable, if still a bit nervous, with the insulin plan.  I have to, right now, stay up on medicines, and measurements, in attempt to get through to something normalized and safe.  I may have to work through the death zone, again... or more deeply as I think I am still in it... feel like it.  I have to pay attention every step of the way to a moralization, and then on a bit, to try to get everything, altogether, regulated.  Then... try to manage my diet.  Crazy, to a degree, like juggling eggs while unicycling over a rope, fifty foot up.  Any little thing might not get me, but that fall... it... really could.  Surprised it hasn't.

Still, back to a level of balance, and an ability to cope with some small issues, and able to concentrate to the degree necessary.  My simple job, now, is to get the hell off the rope!  I need level ground, and some rest, and am aiming for it.  Just a few more days, or a week... then to just keep up!  Ffs!  Bleh.

Other than meds shortly, then some food and insulin, another shower, chores, cat litter, starting a few small loads of dishes, then into some laundry.  As well, maybe a few calls... business... payments.  If I can get that, then into boxes.  Yes indeed.  Could I, would I, should I?  The latter two are assured, the former is the only question yet to be answered.

Feeling better.  Actually feeling mostly rested.  Not much pain.  Yet to find out if energy burning is still extremely limited.  Eating dinner, last night, hurt.  My jaw hurt because those muscles were not getting something they needed, and were turning into concrete.  Ever chewed with concreted jaw muscles?  Not pleasant.  Later.

The dreams...

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.

This was all one dream, but the others I have and will have like it...

I watched as a battalion was sent in, pretty much sacrificially.  It was a stopping play, a task to hold everything just as it was, no matter the cost.  And so it went.

When ammunition went empty, bayonets or enemy ammunition.  When that was gone, rifles as clubs, knives, and hand-to-hand.  If all you could do was bite, you did so.  Ambushes in the dark, we would hit them and rip them apparat, and die.  They had every advantage but we were insistent.  While they killed us en masse, we crawled right into their hearts and mind, imprinting a fear which caused them to kill more of their compatriots then we could have even hoped were we being well supplied.  Plucky royalty like officers, who would push their luck... wouldn't push it twice... at gates and else.  Learned to hollower out, well in advance, their name, rank, and the nature of their visit.  More than a few well feathered peacock got his ass shot off, trying to assert his bona fides, without offering them rightly first.  And many platoons were decimated trying to sneak in.  Damned if you do, damned if you don't.  For many were slaughtered for calling out to the wrong group.

A final attempt.

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.

Called my mother, in a last bid to check on her.  She picked up.  We had a short call, not too clear, or well communicated.  I can tell she is tired, and a bit distracted by the tube.  As well, I am a wasteland.  Still, we relayed concerns and hopes, from tin ear to misunderstanding, but it... was something.  If nothing else, we could hear each other.  Sometimes that is all we get.

Still rough.  Wiped out fairly badly.  The lungs burn, any energy usage, at this point, gets to me quickly.  While eating popcorn, my jaws became so exhausted that I could barely finish.  I don't have much energy to throw about, and I don't recover well.  It may be a few days before I can do much again.  With the trash out, that is okay.  I may have to find a stool, or take a chair over, to work on the boxes.  I want them started, sooner than late.

I did get in another dose of insulin, with a half a cup of milk.  Then waited two hours.  Blood sugar is still screaming hot.  I'll use more with my final meal.  If I can stay up a few more hours, I will test again.  If I don't have much hope for that.  Still, going to make the effort... but two more hours?

I did speak about some things, for reasons.  Clarified?  I don't know.  From my side, I have done what I may.  There are things I want, and need, done.  Definitely, at the moment, I can't do much.  For this, that.  I think it is fair, but perhaps the deal isn't sweet enough, or perhaps it is asking too much.  Time will tell.

Exhausted into the dirt.  Still, given the givens, much was done, and I helped with what was possible for me to do.  The next warm spell, if it arrives, should see the fence posts in, and leveled.  Though, too, maybe the roof on the moved hutch, shorn, and reset with hinges instead... so as to easily get in there, and the creation of a divider.  As well, moving the gents out to the outbuilding, and once they are acclimated, visits from the does to their places.  Gotta try to get the girls and boys doing what they do... as rabbits are supposed to do.

I didn't get the waterers.  I am hoping to do that tomorrow.  Ah, I'm done.  Painfully so.  Goodnight.

Well... still chugging a long, if only by doing as little as possible.

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Feeling a bit better.  Numbers show some of why.  BP is 124/85 with a pulse of 77.  My body still isn't used to that level, and there is almost no depth for the accelerator.  If I do even mild work, to include just standing, for a few minutes, I become winded.  And, yes, even making tea or putting on a boot... takes time.

I had a bowl of popcorn several hours ago.  Forgot to dose.  Blood sugar is extremely high again.  As bp meds work, something, at least initially, goes bad with blood sugar.  It seems that is not a linear regression.  Thankfully not exponential, but it does increase by a lot in any case.  I'll keep working it.  Popcorn, for me, if occasional, doesn't usually cause much of a spike.  Typical is 20 points.  The butter helps, I think.  And limiting consumption, to a degree.

Still pretty exhausted from the bit of the things done.  But improving.  I am staying up, a while longer into the day, for several reasons.  Trying to call my mother.  Maybe she only wants to talk when it is convenient... when she isn't doing anything else.  I called this morning, to no use.  As well, I am expecting a visitor.  Should have asked how later in the afternoon he would be by.  But, I want to try to push back into days, so... don't mind.  If I can stay awake.  Plus, we... need to talk.  Changes or alterations, good or ill, coming down to choices... some immediately, some longer term.

I may have a small bite, and dose with that.  Not sure what sounds good, or what I can do.  I should be able to sort something out.  Not hungry, just want something with the insulin.  Then again, at it's level, perhaps without food would be good.  A bit of tea would be nice though too.  Oh, strangely, I am nearly unable to drink.  Normally, with blood sugar this high, I would have cravings for drinks beyond your ken.  I am guessing my blood sugar is a problem dealing with bp... because of that.  I've had this before, as bp comes down, when restarting medicine.

Oh, and I did change when I take the second to newest pill.  I switched that one to the morning dose.  Maybe, just maybe, switching some of the up will help.  I can only change two types, as one of them is taken morning and night.  I just think the older new pill will be less troublesome, so taking it earlier in the day might help.  As well, not taking all of the actual heart meds, together, may help.  I'll keep scrambling to get it done, but as safely as I can.

Brutal.  Terrible.  In lots of pain.  Still, I suppose, in the death zone.  Should, probably, be dead.  All good.  Later.

Absolutely blasted...

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.

But, with some help, I got everything planned, and more done.

I couldn't do most of it.  I could help, with some of it.  In the end, I am sitting here, trying to breath.  I'll trade that for what was done, even if it kills me.

The hutch was moved, and the crossbars for the clothes line were pulled.  As well, the rabbit poop was removed, from the old places the cages had been.  I kept gagging for air, but tried to keep up.  Then I started in on trash and recycling.  Can't promise it was out on time, either of them, did my best.  I couldn't get the last bag out, or the barrel... but I did get the recycling out, and the barrel, and the last of the load.  Finally, not surrounded by water bottles.  It's a start.

Now I have been given marching orders.  Boxes, broken down, soon... within this week.  As well, stuff to go to the dump.  After first I wasn't sure, then I remembered that I have a ton of boxes, ready to go, upstairs.  When I get the boxes broken down, I can bring as many of those down and have them ready to go as possible.  Actually, I will probably get those behind and under the broken down boxes, so that we can use those for fill.  The trick is, I have a bunch of boxes of water in the way.  Those are heavy, and I am choking for air, even when just... well... I can go to the bathroom, now, sort of okay.  Though after all that, it'll take a while to recharge.

BP is very low, again, even with the lowered dose, at 98/74 with a pule of 94.  Blood sugar is just not coming down, even with a pretty large dose of insulin, and eating keto, at 319.  Blood oxygen is okay, at 98%, If I breath more carefully when testing...  If I am trying to breath more strongly even when not testing.  In the nose, out the mouth, strong, regular, healthy.

But, shoot, that totally wore me down to near death.  I think it drags bp down.  Perhaps, between getting used to medicine, and pushing through a few times, it will improve.  If not I will make adjustments.  The problems, in the past, is I would lose conscious awareness.  For whatever reason, this time, if after some time, I am surfacing to conscious awareness, and able to act on it.  If it is fairly dangerous, there might be a way through.  Later.

A bit of a start.

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.

Recycling out.  There is another bag of it to go out, but if I miss getting that out I have the majority going out.  Chores done as well.  Plus, I brought an extra pale of water in, so as to catch up on waterers... hopefully yet sometime today.  If not, tonight.  

One of the bucks died.  It wasn't starvation.  I kept hoping to get them separated, but I couldn't do it and help wasn't available.  Still, because of that, I should be able to get the bucks out there.  And get those girls in.  Then begin breeding.  I have lost both bucks I really wanted, furwise.  Oh well.

I am hoping to get trash out, and that last bag of recycling.  But the bit of work is absolute pounding me into the dirt.  Tired, weak, some lung issues, wearing out very quickly.  I'll do what I can.  At least I have gotten some things done.  Amazing, almost.  It's been a while.  Even if it still hurts like heck.

Later.

Forgot medicine.

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.

Not too late, mind you.  With days and nights messed around, it is a bit confusing.  Especially in my current states.  Still, medicine was finally taken.  While I did what I normally do, I see another possible problem.  I am taking all the possible difficult medicines at once.  Beside cutting the one pill in half, which I did tonight, I may begin taking that one in the morning, since it has done well.  As well, I may go back to taking night pills in the morning, so I don't go to bed with waterpills.  Though, lately, now that I am more properly hydrated.  Still, I prefer to take the waterpill when I am going to be awake for a while, not as I am going to sleep.  The last few nights, in any case, I have only been voiding about four to six ounces.  I am hoping, if I begin to take the water pill in "morning", my morning, that I won't have to pee at night at all.

I was able to stand, to brush and gargle.  Actually, I did it fairly well.  I am hoping to hit chores, shortly.  Then redo waterers.  If possible, not long after that, I hope to get trash out, or most of what... what of it possible.  Perhaps recycling too, if it's that time of the month.

I am still a bit sore.  Achy.  Though I never did take the painkiller either.  I'll get that.  I kept forgetting to get water.  Which is also why medicine wasn't taken.  A shower is a wonderful thing.  Oh, and I finally went looking for, and found, my phone.  It was completely dead.  Charging, now.  Four calls and a text.  Too early to return those, but... nearing the time.

I am in better shape to do a few things, maybe.  Might be able to do one group, or both.  Not sure.  And, if so, and up a bit later, perhaps another shower and getting dishes and laundry going.  No promises.  But those are the goals, in that order.  If I can't do it before, I am hoping to get it started when the alarm goes off in just under two hours from now.

Later.

Ah, very good.

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I got a meal going.  Nothing fancy.  A swiss and ham sandwich, with and extra slice of cheese.  Didn't want to waste a sandwich, in case chewing my meal was too difficult.  Literally hurt to eat last night.  Muscles burned, were weak, rough.  Then a couple of ounces of keto fruit, as keto as it gets.  Then more cracklin's, with hot sauce drizzled over.

You probably wouldn't eat this for flavor.  But... I'm not eating for flavor, mostly.  Actually, for most meals, I am aiming for slightly tasty, mostly bland.  At least until I learn my cues regarding being physically full.  Well, and a meal or two a week, if I can do a bit better, I would like to make something exceptional... when I can cook again.  Though, even if I get to knowing satiation, I will try to dress down most meals.  A trick, but a good one.

My one failure, currently, with food, is that I make a set amount and eat it all.  While that sounds right, finishing the plate as mother wished, it really isn't.  At least while learning satiation.  The trick, in this case, is to have more than you should eat, and learn when to cut it off.  The subtleties and vagaries of regaining control of food are tricky.  Then again, I am pretty sure, from previous meals, that what I ate is typically where I would stop.  An extra sandwich always seems too much.  And, while a few bites from an extra sandwich might be wanted, they aren't needed.  If that just happened to be the way it turned out... because of a fear of an exhausted jaw while eating.

Tea, as well, was quite good.  Plus, no sweeteners or else.  I am continuing to sip on that.  My great thirst has been slain, I think.  I'll still drink three to four quarts.  But in the mid 60s, at altitude, more fluid is good.  I am trying to learn when I am thirsty, along with learning about my hunger.  Both frequency and volume are being sorted.  As well, I am trying to go more to sipping than chugging.

A shower, finally.

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Brutal though.  I had to lean into the wall.  I had to use my bones, and muscle, to balance my weight.  I thought I was better.  And I am.  But I must have been in even much worse shape than I thought.  I am panting from the effort.  A longer shower, but that shouldn't even require energy, it doesn't when I am in normal conditions.  I may have to get one of those shower stools.  That was dangerous.

I did end up taking a very long shower.  Scrubbing, massaging, warming, and soaking, for a good long time.  Longer than typical showers by at least twice.  Oh, but so very clean, top to bottom.  My legs are so very normal!  When beginning to correct, getting fluid out was the first step.  My legs were so bloated, and had been for so long.  They have been regular for a week or two, at least, now.  The skin is still a bit wonky, in texture, from having been so blown out for so long.  But each time I wash, or check, they are better, normalizing... going from leather back to human-like skin.

I had hoped to get something to eat right after showering.  That wasn't possible.  I was just able to stumble to my chair, take a seat, an begin writing.  If even writing is pushing it.  When I can catch my breath I will put some food together, and insulin.  Hmm, may get a tea going though.  Darjeeling.  I had thought it considered both green and black, but I keep hearing that it really isn't green tea.  I have, or will, order some actual green tea.  Still, it does, for now.  I used to drink gunpowder tea, but some of it just has a bad reaction, and isn't favored.  I'll probably have to try some number of teas to find out.  Hmm, there is a local tea house, could stop in and taste test several, until I find one they have on hand that I like.

Ah... as to low bp, and medicine?  I may have overdosed, in confusion.  Even so, I am going to cut the meds, just in case.  If, in another week, it goes a bit too high, I may dose a bit higher.  If, as mentioned, only by portions.  That low of a bp really wiped me out.  I won't risk that low again.  Oh, and I will call my doctor, to let him know.  I'll be seeing him this month, but... when something good or bad happens, I will, when able, try to keep him in the loop.

Quite a trek back to even better numbers, but definitely to good health.  I am not there yet, but I am no longer on death's door.  Mostly.  Probably.  I may have done damage, severe, irreparable, if I think not.  But I am very far down, and needing drastic recovery, at the least.  When I hear about saints who have gone through terrible health, I honestly wonder how many of them were being harmed by those around them.  Many in the church hate the truth, God, saintly things.  That has always been a truth, at points, especially around those who see.  Whether from jealousy, or simple hatred of the holy and divine.  Many who go to church would kill Christ to keep what they have.  What more would they do to the simple seeing, faithful?  Whether from disbelief, anger at the truth, or jealousy one way or another.  Some would do anything for sight, visions, such.  The funny thing is, I'd give it to them, if I could be rid of it... for those types.  I don't want to see.

On to some tea.  And to see if I can stand long enough to make a quick sandwich and perhaps hot sauced cracklins.  Later. 

The best waking in months.

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Not the easiest.  Getting out of bed was an absolute struggle.  And it isn't painless, just a much smoother grouping of hurts.  No pounding, no ripping, no tearing, just a gentle background hum in just a few areas.  I stopped taking the painkillers, fearing they might become a problem on their own, days... a week? ago.  I had cut down before then.  If it was going to hurt that bad, painkillers weren't really helping anyway.  However, given improvements, and hope of getting to things today, I will take one.  I will then put one in with the medicine, for every third day.  Hopefully to be put back in the medicineset, not being used.  After some time, I may go back to use as needed, which is rare.  I forget, often, even when in grave pain, to use it.  I know, but...

Daily readings, without medicine or food, and fasting...  Sp02 is 90, bp is 104/82 pulse is 99 and blood sugar is 396.  BP is great, if pulse sort of sucks.  And blood sugar is... okay... given the givens.  After the last blood read, I really wanted to eat, and dose, but couldn't.  I was going down in flames too fast.  Still, from out of reading range to 396 in a day is... good.  It is responding.

It must have been right at 22:00 when I woke.  I did a few things, first, including feeding the girls.  It's a rough day, still, but I think I can improve things, quickly, with insulin, food, medicine, and giving that a bit of time.  I am definitely going to cut the medicine I had pushed to 10 mg, actually 20 if that turned out to be a mistake, down to five.  If that doesn't help without pushing bp too low, then I will put it back to 10 and drop the new medicine.  It is a bit small to quarter it.  Though it depends on how the numbers go.  If it is just a bit too low, I may have to try quartering it.

I don't think I am going to die, now.  Probably.  I am still in rough shape, but not only better, I am out of my own personal death zone.  But you always carry a bit of that with you.  Every time you are in the zone, little bits of you are lost, if  too... bits of something... parts of yourself from that zone?  Something comes back with you.  It isn't fairy tales.  I am sure some will say, like with near-death (as they call it) experiences, these perceptions are not real, or true.  Say what you will, some of undeath came back with me.  Not sure if it makes me less, or more, prone to death for it.  If I think it... adds a bit of life protection.  That would be my guess.  Then again, when it is time, nothing will stop it.  If I am not sure, for some, that the time of death is quite so... fixed.  Some can choose to live, right through what would kill others.  Choose?  Maybe, or partly.  Or there is a more of a choice aspect.  I have given this choice to God.  I live or die at His will.

I really want a shower, before anything else.  Then food, insulin, and medicine.  Oh, and brushing teeth, and my heavy treatment, for a while.  I haven't been able to clean and tend my flesh for... a very long time.  All of those writings, of wanting to shower?  Unfulfilled.  Unable.  Today, and, hopefully, tomorrow.  Scrubbed to the next layer of skin, heated and soaked through a anything dead or too dry to save.

Good morning, day, and into the night.  Oh... a gift, first.  Should be simple enough for even your sensibilities?  Still, if it isn't, do not watch.  No one is making you.

Right.

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BP and pulse are the same, mostly.  Each up by one, to 87/67 with a pulse of 92.  Okay, pulse was down one.  Brutal, the feeling, for the moment.  Blood sugar dropped very well, after about three hours.  It is at 214, with is a 315 point drop.  It is as good as I can get things.  I ate salt, and had half a liter of carbonated water.  They said salt might help, with the bp.  It hasn't.

I think it is time to crash.  I still hurt, terribly.  I am weak in the muscles and bones.  Terribly faulting, hurting, and troubled.  Maybe some sleep will help. I have water up there as well, and may well need it.  I will cut one of the medicines when next I am up, assuming I get to wake up.  Ugh.  Goodnight.

So very strange.

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I took... a lot of insulin.  I was afraid.  And, yet, so be it.

I waited two hours, thirty minutes.  And that, actually, after I had eating.  I tested, again.  Blood sugar dropped a bit, or a lot... to a readable number... of 529, bp is now 86/66 with pulse at 93.  SpO2 is 98, if I have been breathing through my nose to keep up.

It's the bp.  I haven't seen a bp that low since the last two times I was in shock... once from ripping my hand open with the slide on a pistol too small for my hand, and once from nearly dicing the inside flap of my index finger while trying to open a padlock package.

It hurts to do anything.  I am worried about blacking out.  I will have to speak with my doctor sooner than anticipated.  I am in a bit of trouble.  I may cut one of the medicines in half... the second to newest, down to five from 10 mg per day.  No promise, but it is something.  The newest medicine is too small for me to adjust, and would be difficult going forward.

Good, at least I know what the problem is.  That will kill me if I am not careful.  I am surprised it hasn't.  On the good side, it sure looks like we might be able to sort this high blood pressure out, and on less than I am currently on, of this or that.  I can actually lower one of three different medicines.  The newest is the one I fear the most, though the two before it hadn't been keeping bp low enough on their own.  So... we will see.

I was so tired, that after the read, and getting another (solidly keto) meal together, as I tore into it I couldn't finish it.  Had nothing to do with hunger.  My jaws were become too exhausted to finish.  I was just eating cheese and deli meat sandwiches, pork skins with hot sauce, and a few four ounce containers of fruit.  I doubt if I can eat the last sandwich even now.  Even the fruit was difficult to finish.  Crazy.

Further, my arms, legs, and midsection are absolutely burning, and hurting.  I am hoping to staying up another three hours, then do a blood sugar read, and maybe do a bit before going to bed.  Assuming I don't fall out of my chair, or crawl my way to bed.  No sureties.  I can't believe I am so absolutely exhausted, wrung out, sore, and just dying here.  Can barely keep my eyes open.

Later, or good night.

That might be it.

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Or, the last of the problems.  With medicine down, bp is 118/87 at a pulse of 81.  Good enough.  Not sure if it is exactly where the doc wants it, but it is far better than 150/110, and far better than 225/180.  Choices, choices.  That is 17 days on meds, including two new ones.  It may be too much, or something else could be wrong.

Ah, blood sugar.  I haven't tested that in a very long time.  And I have been eating terribly for a few weeks.  The last two days, mostly, I have been keto.  Cold turkey, minus a huge wrong turn, then back.  My tester was being non-specific, if quite genial?  "Hi".  Hi... back?  Oh, right.  No, that means it was above good numbers, by a lot.  My last few machines were 'genial' when my blood sugar was above 600 to 650.  I think my last one read to 650 at least.  Not a good number.

Anyway, so, yeah.  Though, to be honest, blood sugar, even that high, usually isn't a problem, it doesn't have symptoms.  However, this time I am pretty sure it does have symptoms.  So, insulin.  Of both types.  I need to be careful.  When I stop eating carbs, in a hurry, sometimes my blood sugar remains extremely high.  But with one to four more potent doses, I can crash so hard and fast, a coma or death is possible.

So... while I have hit it hard and heavy, I will be checking.  I will continue to dose in the stratosphere, in hopes of bringing it down quickly.  But I will test frequently, even if nothing seems to be happening.  I have set the alarm for two and an half hours, and will check then.  If it's still high, and it probably will be, I will dose it between medium and high (probably).  When it starts being in the 180 range, or crashing, then I'll slow this and that, and perhaps eat carbs if absolutely necessary.  

So, yeah, it could be diabetes.  If so, between regular medicine, bp, pulse, and blood sugars, then being careful with what I eat and drink, I may be able to improve quickly.  I really hope so.  I am so tired of being so very tired, and hurting everywhere.  I... just... lost track.  I do what I honestly can, I just can't always do it all.  On the good side, if I can get things back on track, I can get in for a blood test a bit before my upcoming doctor visit.  Too bad I can visit for a blood test, but not go in to see the doctor.  It's no longer just the mask, it's also the jab.  I get the feeling they would try a hard sale, and maybe threats of various sorts, if I go it.  I wonder if he has a hundred grand riding on the number of people he can "vax".  I doubt if he would care, even if he knows it's bad.  He can get a fake one, and this might help him get some properties sold off for his kids or grandkids... or a Switzerland skiing trip, or pay off the nurse he bungled... and the kid.  He... is a businessman, before a medical practitioner, probably.  They all seem to be these days.  Sell their mothers for a few dollars more.

Anyway...  It wouldn't be a bad deal, to at least get blood tested.  Later.

Slow going.

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Still, food is being heated.  Assuming any of it is any good.  Will know shortly.  Though there are other options if that fails.  I will eat, hopefully enough to get the machine working.  I also have three or four chores plotted out.  I think I can get to two of them, soon.  Will see.

Still a bit rough, but no more than when I woke,  Actually, a step or two better in a few if not all areas.  And the other areas haven't worsened, so it's a better go of things, for now.  BP was 123/96, with a pulse of 82.  Not bad, if not perfect.  Definitely going in the right direction.  Still a bit winded, but not prohibitively.  If I move slowly, and not for long, I can... do a bit.  So far, just going to the bathroom without winding myself, then getting food to warming.  But doing two things at once is... a... better go than possible, without winding myself pretty awfully in the last week?  Mostly.

Hmm, tea was so good yesterday.  It's warmth, without too much... of whatever.  Fatted coffee seemed too much, lately.  This is a nice, clear, tasty, warming drink.  No sweeteners, no dairy.  Sometimes, recently, both of those have been too heavy.  Oh, I ought to pull some chicken bone broth out.  Of course, that means clearing the freezer top.  I'll... see if I can get to that.

Oh, and while I am at it, I am trying to get some things in stock.  Keto things.  I... haven't really looked up pure keto storage items.  In part for fear of costs, in part because I doubted how much is really available, and... because... I pout... sometimes, about some things, for good, bad, and/or no reasons!  Cheers.

Still, I finally asked the question and found a solution.  I was... actually impressed with what I actually do have on hand!  I have a third, to half, of those items on hand.  Some for more extended use, some for more short term use.  So... I went shopping.  I don't think I can afford it all.  But I can get some of it this month, and next month, and the month after, and become fairly well set.  I am hoping, by the New Year, to be set enough for, say, six months, perhaps just on this, if need be?  Two months, for sure, maybe a year.  Excellent advice.