Ugh?

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Yea.  Back hurts.  Chair.  I've got to get some things changed around.  This card table chair sucks to sit.  My upper back.  Then again, I've been slouching.  Not... using the computer... doing the cube.  I have now completed it, say, four or five times, without instruction review.  I have made mistakes, but I knew how to fix that.  I have used notes a few of those times.  The notes don't tell me what to do, only the technique for a particular situation... of which there are eight.  I have the techniques down, just not always sure which one to use.  Very close.

The ducks are in, cats are fed, and I am about to eat.  Medicine, pill form, is down.  Insulin will go in with chow... both sorts.  I try to take the slow acting at the same time of day, as much as possible... evenings.  The rest of the medicine, fast acting insulin and pills, can vary, in several ways.  But it works well enough.  Just like food.  I am, generally, drinking less.  As a result, I am dosing less with water pills as well.  Tricky game, but I'm winning... as much as that is possible.

I may add aspirin to my day today.  Way too much slouching.  If I speed up the rubik's cube solution, I won't crouch as much or for as long, so I won't hurt!  Bleh.  I'm working on it.  I wasn't sure I would be able to do the rubik's cube.  Now it's a matter of doing it without notes.  I think I will have to more closely review several videos and written instructions.  I'll bet you need a high IQ to do these, say room temp IQ?  :p  It's not worthy of a prize, even if you can do it in ten seconds.  Just... a... hobby.

Brots and?  I don't know.  Something.  Hungry.  Hungry!  Mostly in my mind, truth be told.  Later.

Down late, up late.

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I didn't go to bed with that last post, but within two hours?  Three.  I... can't remember.  I looked, at the time, tried to put it into memory.  There are times when the mind accepts nothing.  That was one of them.  My days are shifting with nothing much I can do about it.  Fight it?  Sure. Losing on that front, try to push it through the other side?  Yes, if as cautiously as possible.  Push too hard and I go into a sleep tailspin, where I have absolutely no control and the cycles become totally insane.  Five hours down, twelve up, three down, three up, twenty down, two up, two down, sixteen up... for weeks.  Caution.

The girls are hungry.  I'll feed them in an hour or two, after I wake.  They haven't been getting fed at regular times, with sleep cycles tilting into tomorrow, but they have been fed two cans per whatever passes for a day.  I think my days are, mostly, longer.  My sleep cycles are around eight hours.  I call it the sun effect.  It is the opposite, usually, in winter.  I am a child of the seasons, if that is made so much stronger by nature of illness.

I was shot, by an intruder, last night in my dreams.  It didn't even phase me.  Several times, in the chest.  Neither did it hurt me, or even stop me.  Wounds, initially, but they healed almost immediately.  That's all I remember, if I am sure I apprehended, and probably disposed of, the perp.  You... can't let such people live, if it's in you to deny it.  They will do it to someone else, possibly worse if it's a woman.

Ducks were let out.  I am trying something different.  I am leaving the hutch open.  More so that if one of the hens wishes to go broody, she has a place even during the day.  I will add water in the evenings, switching water out every other day whole.  I would do it daily, but they generally don't mess the water I put in during the evening, just a bit during the day.  Hmm... you know... perhaps brooding boxes?  I'll... see about that.

Blood sugar, after three more meals(?), two(?), was 167 fasting this morning.  Not bad.  Eating the right foods, watching calories, trying to eat just enough or even a little less than definitely wanted but maybe needed?  That is a good number, especially coming after the 190's fasting yesterday.  I had one other dose, but of eight to ten cc's of fast acting.  Slow acting is always 25 cc's... that is recommended to not change.  I only check bp etc. once every three days or so.  It's doing good.  Ah, and I have added in the 3.125 mg, twice a day, to the 12.5 mg carvedilol twice a day.  Yeah, 31.25 mg a day, total.  But... it... usually works, and is mostly tolerable.  I have a month pill box that is quite good.  I have ordered extras.  Now, when I get meds, I can put up two or even three months supply and have them ready.

It was 88° outside, 75° upstairs, 76° in this the front room, and 73° in the main.  It's usually cooler in the kitchen and further back, but I don't have a reliable thermometer back there.  The upstairs was so high, I suppose, because I tried to go with one ac.  That keeps it cooler, usually, unless I am sleeping up there I guess.  The other upstairs thermometer read 72°.  I need both if I am going to sleep days up there.  That was a bit warm for sleeping.

I kept working on the rubik's cube.  As it got later, my cube-flu diminished to the point where I was a drooling imbecile, instead of the sleek and agile antelope of the cube-dom.  Well, maybe not quite that.  The fumbling fingers of the first time dater?  Perhaps not quite that bad.  Though that improved to removing a bra with a snap.  *Oh!*  She'll exclaim.  Oh yes!  You'll intone.  *eyebrow action*  Oh, you'll get there.  It's the... surprise.  I can... smell it.  Those puppies want to be FREE!

There.  My "morning" update.  Later.

Yea?

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Yep!  Still awake.  Bleh.  It's almost seven.  Might as well stay awake long enough to let the ducks out.  They have been patient with me, lately.  My turn to get back on track.  Though... it's been good.  Even if they might complain, they are well tended, fed, allowed even to ignore my advice and warnings, or just run me over if they want in before I am quite ready.  All good.  Pushy wins, if... it can lose some too.

I had to eat again, and again.  I kept it absolutely keto, and as light as possible.  And it shows.  Blood sugar is 135.  Oh, right, but the reason I ate was because blood sugar had dropped to 89.  Not a terrible number.  Not quite low.  But certainly headed that way.  So hungry, too!  Sometimes.  Oh well...  I may have one more meal, a single brot and a hot fatted coffee or tea, if I will dose.  My doses are very small lately.  And I don't always dose, as when it was 89.  Below 150 I usually don't, unless I am eating left or in volume.

It has gotten down to 54° outside, around 70° indoors, downstairs.  I haven't checked upstairs.  I have just been tinkering, reading, finding a manual for my phone, working on the rubik's cube, even gamed just a tiny bit and watched an amazon prime flick, or part of it, while dining... twice.  Difficult to focus.  Wanted to sleep.  Just couldn't.  So... I... drift.

Yes, another bite.  Another crack at the rubik's cube.  The ducks out... cat litter has been tended.  Hmm?  I think that will be it.  Oh, I will check the phone, see if it gets wifi upstairs.  Wouldn't be bad if it did.  Then I could use it as a hotspot for raspberry pi's.  And a few other things, should I want to play while it's cooler.  Depending on if it's wi-fi is stronger, or if the pis' reception is better, of course.  Good day, and night.

Mostly.

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A few more reviews of the instructions.  A little practice.  Now I have a few rusty areas of the rubik's cube a bit more polished, and one definite new area learned.  There are actually only two more steps.  But they are much broader.  There are rules, at several stages in each, which must be remembered so as to hold the block correctly, then administer the steps required.  The steps themselves are... not terribly complicated.  Easy to miss a step, easy to go too far or not far enough.  With enough steps that... all told... it gets to where it's more than it seems.

Blood sugar was higher all day.  Below 200, just.  I tested right after the meal, but that was a mistake.  However, a few hours on, and blood sugar is 103.  I'll take it.  The goal is to eat nothing through the rest of the night.  I had been trying to eat, and dose to it.  But that really doesn't work well.  No.  I think letting the glucometer define my food intake is best.

There are limits.  I can't go this shy every night.  Yesterday I got a second meal, if it destroyed my blood sugar for today.  Bleh.  Perhaps I should eat more, at once?  The problem is, I really can't.  I just... either I don't have the food, or the ability to eat.  I fill quickly.  I don't know.  I do know I will do my best, try to figure these things out, cut food, add energy burns when possible...  I just don't know.

It is cooling off extremely quickly again tonight.  All good.  Later.  Or good night.

The rubik's cube.

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Finally.  I completed it for the first time tonight.  That doesn't mean I can complete it from memory.  It doesn't meant I will ever be able to complete it from memory.  It merely means, after finding instructions which made sense, learning to follow instructions *cough*, and some effort, I was able to follow instructions to completion.

I can, usually, finish the white side, with the sides and centers with matching colors, and then put white corners into their right corresponding places.  After that it gets a bit fuzzy.  I think it will happen.  A ten second puzzle solve?  I doubt it.  If, too, I doubt youtubers who do it that fast.  Nothing like video editing to boost times, by a lot.  Trust, but verify?  Anything youtube must be verified, then, possibly, trusted.  Way too much ego boosting fiction out there.  It could absolutely all be smoke and mirrors.

Dinner was served.  The last of the pork roast.  I thought there was more to it.  Mostly bone.  But it was good.  That, a glass of milk, and tiny can of beats.  I am hoping to keep that as the whole of my food today.  Tomorrow?  I'm not sure.  I'll have to get something going.  I heated it on the grill so as to not have to heat the cave.

Oddly, it is to 76° last time I checked, outdoors, about fifteen minutes ago.  Which is what the living room was reading.  Which, when setting in there to eat and watch a vid from prime, I was actually cool to cold!  Anyway, I opened up most of the windows.  I'll get the rest shortly.  Tired, or... more... sleepy.  There is a difference.  It is 81° up front, but that will quickly cool.  When I open things and get the fans working correctly.

Ducks are in.  Cats have been fed and treated.  Oh, but I forgot their litter.  I'll get that as I open up the last window and door.  Hmm... I may try to memorize one or two of the next moves.  They aren't... too bad.  But I am so sleepy.  Odd, as at 81°, I am very comfortable.  I have acclimated to summer?  Ah, but a cool summer.

BP is 140/83 pulse 70.  The 140 is a bit high, if only two points higher than my recent low... actually.  The low is very low.  I haven't seen it that low in years.  I have heard that is the one of concern.  And the pulse?  Wow!  I haven't seen a pulse that low in... other than when crashing from fasting for five days?  Even then?  That is an exceptional pulse.  Even in the Navy, it ran 84 regularly.  Something is very different.

Later.

To bed late, again.

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I just couldn't get to sleep.  Yea, things weigh on my mind.  It was near sunup when I was finally able to sleep.  I wasn't able to, as a final task, roll... find the alarm clock... and check the time.  I just couldn't do one more thing.  Sleep was good.  Still, things on my mind.  Big changes.  So be it.  I was just waiting for more evidence.  I guess you never know when or how that will appear.

It sure seems darker outside.  Clouds?  Smog?  Vapor?  Some mix?  It isn't cloudy, directly, or didn't seem so upon my initial inspections or in the parts of the sky I could see.  But it definitely isn't as clear as it might initially seem.  Though, isn't later summer often like that?  I... always thought so... or potentially... as summer comes to a close.  That was Iowa, but... it may be mildly universal?

I left the ducks in, yesterday, again.  But this time I didn't feed them.  I like doing that once a month, just to... help them.  Sounds strange, but fasting works for me.  I do it, probably, close to weekly, though definitely monthly, often split those... accidentally or on purpose.  I ask nothing I don't give.  They were quite happy to get out, and especially to eat.

I reset the pool for them, of course set up new food... having to open my last sack of feed to do so.  I brought their water out, emptied and washed those pans, and will set them fresh tonight.  I watched them enjoy their freedom and food as if it was a celebration.  Some mornings they do anyway, some days their morning rituals are more like going to work.  Muted, sober, affairs.

I changed what passwords, keys, and configurations I could last night.  I just hope I can remember them all.  I have a fairly easy system back to resets, if not.  Now that one machine can do all things, and two machines which can do most things, I have a solid means of resetting anything required on one system or another.  I still have some primary passwords to change.  Can't trust those haven't been compromised while "helping" me.

The internet isn't quite so boggy today.  I was having trouble getting to a site, then reloading or transferring to different pages.  Two thirds to a third of my update or transfer requests were being outright declined.  It would attempt to reload, but took a goodly while.  Surfing the interwebs was becoming a huge hassle.  I assume so many were using my internet that I was only given a small portion of it's potential.

If they keep getting back in, I may have to quit the internet for a bit.  I'm not paying for thieves to use my services.  I can easily do without.  I also need to turn this into a linux machine, add a passthrough system to see what ports are open, or some such, and shut everything outside down while tracking everything happening inside.  Until then, I will constantly be changing passwords until it is too much trouble to try to hack or break in.  Oh... and about breaking in?  Yea... that's... coming to a screeching halt too.  I have to set some things up, and reset a few things.  But... yea.

It's only 84° outside, last I looked.  All good.  It was 74° upstairs, because I had the door to the downstairs open for Sam.  It was 72° down here, in the main and front room, until I started in on the machine.  That all around 13:30.  An hour later it is warming up, inside.  I think that may be pretty close to all for outdoors.  Oh, the only thing I really need to hit is cat litter.  With the clumping, scooping every other, or third, day is good... what with three bigger tubs.  Today is the day.

Well, a shower, a meal, and else... but for the animals the scooping is all that remains.  Though I change the girls' water when I shower, so...  Fresh three days in a row.  Later.

Dinner was good.

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I had brots, and a bit of pork roast, with beans, a smaller glass of milk, and tea.  Insulin, both fast and slow.  I am eating much less lately.  Drinking less too.  Blood sugar, after all, is 108 after three to four hours.  Perfect.  I had thought about another bit, but don't want it.  Not with blood sugar exactly right.  Curious what it will be tomorrow.

While I was out, someone was in... my house.  The back door was open, the router and computer were hot, and the monitor was connected incorrectly.  I get the machines being hot, not the monitor being off.  Unless they were using their own, small, monitor... or smartphone.  Further, my companion helped whoever was in here escape.  He knows who was here, and what they were doing?  I think they are trying to figure out my new router password.  I changed that tonight.

It is getting rather cool out, and earlier tonight.  It is down to 54° outside.  It was around 72° inside... but only because someone had the lights on, and the machine going, plus their body heat.  They must have been on for a goodly while, both pieces of equipment where quite hot.  I'll have to change my passwords daily, and it looks like I won't be going out on trips anymore.  So be it.  You can't be a friend, and do that.  There are other costs as well.  Unfortunate.

Oddly, some of the settings on blogger have been changed.  It could be some update, but... I didn't see an indicator.  No, I think someone got right into my blog.  I'm not sure what they might have done, other than change some of the blog format settings, for typing these posts.  If I suspect they were doing something else... that would have been just a happenstance, convenience, thing.  I wish I had some way to track what they did.

It does look like it will be cooling off well tonight.  Fall isn't quite here, if summer is winding down nicely.  No food.  I don't want to mess up blood sugar.  Medicine has all been taken.  Just a bit of winding down as I get ready for bed.  It is a rotten world sometimes.  As I have always known, friends aren't always friends.  Takes time to tell.  Good night.

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What was changed?  Look at the dots before the post.  Now look at the dots before all posts before it.  They did something with line spacing.  I'll try to figure it out and change it back.  It also works with paragraph spacing and some other things.

An easy night.

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Dinner was ready.  Boss had other plans.  Cool.  Leftovers.  Actually pretty good ones.  It was mostly done, needing grilling.  I had brots, and ate well.  Blood sugar was 198 this morning, and remained that, regardless of not eating, until after dinner.  I ended up 'needing' two rounds of carb tabs... that's twenty, last night.  To deal with the ~57 blood sugar read drop.  It's what my body kept demanding, and it got it.  I've learned to just get out of the way when my body seems to need something.  I'm surprised my blood sugar wasn't higher.  After food, a standard dose of fast acting, and three hours, blood sugar is 118 with an average of 157 for the week.

It only got to 78° up front, 76° in the main, and 68° upstairs.  It was down to 80°, last time I checked.  An hour, two, ago?  I think clouds are holding the heat in.  Unless it rains or moves off... might be stuck with that.  Sure looks like it could rain.  Soon.  Or... not.  I just hope it moves off and cools or rains and cools.  Still, a good day.  Plus, I have supper ready for tomorrow, and nearly a week more.

I will try to get to bed earlier tonight.  Though, my body sort of chooses when it is most comfortable to sleep and wake.  Some of it is what is possible, some of it it a biological ability or lack thereof.  I can put in a chit.  Somewhere, down in the nerves and guts, some animal response system either says yea, or nay.  Usually nay.  Still, worth a shot.  With the ducks up, fed, and watered, I don't have to mess with them tonight.  Just an occasional vacation for me.

Hmm... another spot to eat?  Yeah.  I am hungry again.  Hungry?  Hmm...  I think I need more food.  But, just a dot.  And, I'll take it.  I think the numbers work supporting a minor bite as well.  Yes.  Later, or good night.

Another long sleep day.

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I did wake at eight, actually before, as the alarm hadn't gone off.  It wasn't an actual wake though.  I merely shut the cave down before it got hot out there.  I had hoped to wake at eight, but... I couldn't, and new it wouldn't work, so I shut that alarm off.  I then hoped for the the ten alarm.  I snoozed it a few times, then contemplated.  No, I wouldn't be getting up.  I turned that one off.  No way I could wake.

I hoped for a noon wake.  That didn't happen either.  It was 14:00, perhaps a bit later, before I was finally able to wake.  Even then, it was difficult.  I left the ducks in today.  It is cooler, so I don't mind.  Their water is still rather full and fresh from last night.  I did feed them.  I... I will try to remember to let them out when I shut things down.  It was about 88°, but clouds seem to be building.  It has remained that temperature to a few minutes ago.  I am not sure how cool it was this morning, forgot to check.

A roast is in the oven, and brots.  A pork roast, a nice looking one.  I would love to do those on the grill, or really slow cooked with it all shut down.  Just to avoid heating the cave.  But they take too much time that way, and get a bit smokier than I usually prefer.  Spiced and herbed just a bit, it should work well.  As to brots?  I am going to those instead of hotdogs, for myself.  I don't need buns with them.  Just heated a bit, with mustard, or even solo, with tea, cold.  Two or three can be a whole days food.

A shower, shortly.  Perhaps a shave since I trimmed recently.  Then setting up dishes?  Maybe.  So tired.  Same pain as yesterday morning.  More severe.  But it passed quickly, and quietly, as well.  Odd.  The roast and brots will be underdone in time to set out to cool, then to be heated on the grill.  That finishing touch is nice.  If, for the roast, I want it much closer to done.  With pork roasts, done is actually almost done.  I just want them to heat a bit on the grill, get juices to flow.  Oh, and corn for the boss.  I might have some, but not much.  It's good to have someone to eat the majority of the questionable keto food!  :p

Oh, something is wrong with blogger.  It isn't allowing me to comment, on my own page.  Perhaps other places in a stealth manner.  I don't think they understand what is coming down the pike.  Or I don't?  Time will tell on that score.  I can't do much, some can.  If they will.  Later.

A lot of sleep.

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I can't say how much.  It wasn't too much.  On the basis of need.  It wasn't enough.  On the basis of want.  It was too much.  On the basis of propriety or normalcy.  It is what I could get.

I woke, perhaps, mid-afternoon.  I set up the sprinkler for tonight, set the ducks up and let them in.  I then began dinner.  I started well early.  Then only partially finished the meal, leaving a bit for the grill.  It worked out quite well.  Still tired.  Oddly, by 18:30, the temperature out there was 82°!  It has been running ten degrees warmer for a while.

My phone is on the way.  This one might be tricky to solve, but it does work with Verizon.  I am sticking with Verizon because other phone systems don't work well out here.  Even Verizon is sketchy out here.  I must admit, I am considering a few options.  Politics comes into play as well.  When a company becomes so large and rich it thinks it can ignore it's customers... or outright antagonize, if to some degree they all do it at this point...  Contemplations...

The front lawn was watered one way, then another, tonight.  It's about time to shut it off.  I'll look at it through the next week.  I may water it again, though if so, just in a few areas.  I need to plant more seed.  Though that area may simply not be able to support grass, for one reason or another.  The lawn, on whole, has greatly improved.  But... a bit better still would be good.

I had another diabetic crash tonight.  I felt it, but wasn't home to check.  I had carb tabs, though didn't quite feel it was bad enough.  At that time, it probably wasn't.  Testing at home showed a blood sugar of 56.  Yes, tabs.  I wasn't feeling up to cooking and didn't have much available in any case.  Only ate one meal, since I was sleeping so much.  I'll... sort that out.  I'd best turn the water off.

Oh, it is down to 56° already.  And it is early yet, actually 01:30 here.  It may yet cool a goodly lot.  Such an odd switch from the high 80°s 90°s and lows of the high 60°s for the last while.  I'll gladly take it.  Good night.

Back to bed.

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I lasted a few hours, then became weak.  My torso hurt this morning, and that pain increased.  It felt as if I had been hit just enough below the ribs, by a two by four, that it didn't directly hurt the ribs themselves.  It was the only pain I felt.  I can't remember when, exactly, I went down.  Perhaps around 10:00?  A bit after probably.

The ducks were let out.  I thought I had fed the girls, but it doesn't seem so.  When I woke... if I fed them, there would have been two cans pulled.  One used immediately, another would have been on a cupboard counter.  There were none.  It has become a patterned behavior, so I know.  Otherwise they will beg four cans a day, or not be fed for a day or two.  There is always dry food, and I treat them, but...

Down three hours.  Sleep wasn't good.  I couldn't really sleep solidly.  I kept waking.  I continued to hurt.  Something just feels off.  Is the weather changing again?  I just don't know what all is wrong.  Actually, I don't know what is wrong in any of the things I am sensing.  The world seems even uglier when alone in it, and unable to figure things out.  Old animals know that.  Some people at the end.  You would think I would be used to it after knowing this for the majority of the last three decades and spare change years.  There is no way to get over death confusion though.  No amount of experience suffices.  It is noticed, realized for what it is, much more quickly.  But it is what it is.

No, not dying.  I do live on the line, give or take a bit either way depending on the day.  As mentioned, without interference, I have a few decades, two or three.  If cut loose, I have no idea... though it might help in the short run.  Right until it doesn't.  Living under a bridge or on a street somewhere.  Trying to find as quiet and peaceful a place to wait out my time as possible.  Many years, if left alone.  I don't think I will get that.  I'm on too many lists.  Later.

Up early for such a late down.

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Still very tired.  But I got that last bit of watering in and a meal.  The meal wasn't good, blood sugar was up to 215.  Not sure if that is truly fasting though either.  I'll... work on having better food options for later, snacks of some sort.  It is difficult to keep up on keto foods, it really is.  Still, it's what it is.  Sleep was good.  It just doesn't feel like enough while I can't seem to continue sleeping.  Maybe a nap in a bit.

It is high summer.  And, like it or not, it is getting to me.  Even as mild as this summer has been, a few days to week of higher temps really begins taking it out of me.  I don't think I am alone in it.  Everyone seems to be uncomfortable and extra grumpy through this time of year.  At least I can rest, when I can rest.  And I am beginning to handle the heat fairly well.

I continue to work on learning to solve the rubix cube.  A bit each week.  If I keep forgetting some of the initial steps.  I will have to learn steps, in layers, over time.  Then begin trying to speed up while completing the whole puzzle, as well over time.  I am working on the last stage, the bottom, currently.  There is something I am missing, a step not covered in the particular study I am using, a situation not covered.  There are three options I will have to attempt to use, to see if any of them, in conjunction with the others offered, might work.  How is it that I always find some missing link steps?  I'd rather find them now, though, then find them while showing someone else how "clever" I am.  Bleh.  I have learned my lesson for the week.  The rest of the week is about going back over the old material, and trying to get it all down to where I am.  Over and over, but more consciously, so that I actually remember what to do, perhaps why, and exactly how.

I have one more week of medicines set up, after this week.  For that week, I will add that last bits of heart medicine I can handle.  I would like to get the /95 down a bit.  But there is no more medicine I can, or will, take after this next small addition.  I haven't had trouble adding it in before.  I suppose, by proportion, it is just too small.  Then again, I have gotten up to speed on the main of the heart medicine well and quickly.  I am still suffering, a bit.

I am wondering if summer allowed me to start up medicine more easily.  And, possibly, if suffering the heat somehow handled the problems often associated with starting medicine.  The cold makes it more severe, starting medicine... but since not much else is doable, it's not as much of an issue.  Tradeoffs, everything is one thing against another, against another, in some endless cycle I can never quite understand fully.  Less than others, for I never ever come close to breaking even.  At least I am handling the heat well this year.  Or... was.  Later.

Not bad.

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Chicken for dinner.  Just... chicken.  Oven roasted drummies, mostly done, then put on the grill.  A glass of milk and some tea.  The brine helped, but the italian and onion flavors didn't come through this time.  I actually used less water this time.  Still, the salt did help.  A few hours later, blood sugar is 128.  A very good number.  I have yet to take slow acting insulin.

A bit of review, as to phone carriers.  I will be sticking with Verizon.  But the phone has two ports.  I am considering a second line, to compare... and for local... or even business... use.  Keep Verizon for personal use?  Just possibilities.  Assuming they send it.  I ordered it later last week and nothing has moved, last I looked.  I'm not sure what is happening.

No sleep, and not for a bit.  The lawn was watered.  Actually, since I can't quite sleep, I moved the sprinkler to another section.  I may do even another section tomorrow night.  I have no guilt, I haven't watered more than four or five times this year.  And she was thirsty.  I'll have to hit all four front quarters.  Partly because the front yard gets sun crushed.  The side and back are pretty good.  Last I looked.  Will check much more closely tomorrow.

Since I am up for a bit, hotdogs.  Yeah, but...  It is 65° outside, 75° inside all of downstairs... main floor anywhile.  I want to see it ten degrees cooler, if possible, so have more open than I'd want to leave while sleeping.  All good.  I am hoping to get to some work, finally, tomorrow.  And do a bit of grocery shopping.  Just a touch.  Especially if I can find a store that doesn't require gags.  Will see.

Later, or good night.

Reasonable.

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I finally got around to taking my bp.  At 124/98, pulse 96, and blood sugar at 88 after one meal so far, it's... good.  Could be better.  But not this fast.  Remember, it was ~220/~135 just a few weeks ago.  And blood sugar was ~355, ~335?, somewhere in there even less ago.  I can't tell, as batteries died in one, and the other seems to have lost the higher read.  Still... very good.

The ducks keep running out of water.  I think there must be a hole in the pool.  The indian runners don't have claws, but the muscovys do.  Fairly terrible claws, actually.  I have two spare children's pools.  But, what I'd really like to do is find the hole, tape it well, then put another underneath it.  They might still be able to claw through.  But two?  Three?  No worries, just something to solve.  I like solving.

Chicken, tonight.  Although, maybe hotdogs too?  Yes, but not sure the buns are any good.  Still, a few on, just because.  The chicken is getting brined.  I have found that other spices really will add in to a brine.  Tonight I added italian seasoning and onion powder.  It really does boost it.  I will bake it off, then have the grill ready.  A finishing lick of grilling really adds a nice touch.

My thermometer reads 92°, the other one in town reads 97°, the regional one reads 96°.  The other one in town used to read closer to my numbers.  If it is digital, with send and receive, it can be hacked.  That is my bet.  They really hate it when real numbers come out.  It is 82° in this front room, 76° next door in the main, and 70° upstairs.  I believe the 92° read.  I checked that against freezing water.  Global warming is as true as masks helping against Wuhan flu.

I'd best get the oven lit.  An half our after that, I'll light the grill.  As well, there is barbecue sauce.  I can't have that, but don't need it.  I like herbed and spiced chicken just as it is.  Later.

The best and worst of dreams?

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The first was about war.  Dark forces.  Evil beings.  I fought.  I did.  I won many fights.  In the last one, a creature grabbed me by the neck.  It was a two-leg, but also not human.  Large... it had me by three feet and four hundred pounds, if I had ruined many similar of our kin.  I was so worn from fighting I couldn't do much.  But I could keep it from strangling me.  I figured it was a done deal, I just wasn't sure how it would happen.  Still, that I could prevent it from crushing my throat was a satisfaction.

It kept trying, getting angrier.  I kept breathing.  I had a grim grin.  I knew it was about to be over, but I was making it work for it.  It's coloration changed, as it became angrier.  I knew the only reason I was still alive was because it was intent on murdering me as it had initially planned.  I knew I was dead, in shorter or short fashion.  But I could still grin, making it angrier and more insistent.  Angrier and more insistent it became!

I said a short prayer, kept smiling, and kept resisting.  I had hoped to regain enough energy to do more, and attempted escape and attacks, to no use.  I was simply spent.  I had been fighting for days, or so it seemed.  You can't kill these things.  Then again, they can't kill me, not really.  We aren't that sort.  But... the flesh can be ended, the spirit sent to another place... until a return is possible.

Finally... *snap*  It tired of attempting to crush, so shook me like a dog with a rag doll... a rag doll with a skeleton.  The neck snapped cleanly, quickly, easily.  As I was drifting away, I remember it tossing me aside.  I still tried to rise, but there was no function.  I couldn't stand, move in any way, or even turn my head.  I didn't try to blink, so I'm not sure if that was possible... at least consciously.  I lay there, a bit, and drifted back to another place.  I had done as well as I could.  Death was rather peaceful, at that point.

-------------------

The next dream was about a time, past, future, or fiction, with a woman.  Everything was so generic that I can't put a name or face to her.  The dream contained everything good about being with a woman, and some of the... frustrations.  It was quite a dream.  It seemed to go on for days.  When I woke a bit, after this one, I wasn't sure... I thought I might find her beside me.

No hurt feelings, this time, when she wasn't there.  But a small touch of bittersweet.  Still... good.  I really have enjoyed what time I have had with women.  Mostly.  Far more than I have disliked it, even with their need for drama.  It's... gotta be a hormonal thing.  And... paranoia.  Oh, that part I understand.  Still, it's a headcase thing, for any who enjoy that particular issue.  *smile*

-------------------

It may seem strange, to you.  But I enjoyed each dream.  I can't tell you which I preferred the most.  Is that... wrong?  In one, I died doing God's will, in the other I lived doing His will.  I don't mind either one.  It was a pleasant night.  A good sleep.  And rather pleasant wakings.  If I couldn't wake as planned, at least I could sleep until I could wake well.

I am opening up at night, turning ac off.  It gets 73° up there by morning, if it tends to help cool the downstairs to the higher 60°s.  Getting well into the mid to upper 90°s lately, that is as good as it gets.  At least I am not sweating profusely, getting heat sick, or climate based fever-sleeping.  I am rather comfortable, even at 82°.  Of course, I have two cooler areas in which to escape as needed.  Even passing through, to go the the loo, is enough to reset.  The main, with me not in it, goes from 68° to 76° through the day, depending on what time I can be up, and the latter as a late afternoon, early evening, max.

Ducks are out.  I am beginning to wonder if I have a few more females than thought?  Two are tiny little ladies.  Of those I am sure.  Two are hulking out.  Two have been going between fast growth to recently no growth.  They are directly between the large males and the tiny females, but none are full grown yet.  I would guess the males are just about the size of adult females.  Which is an half to third of their adult male sizes.  Unless females grow the fastest, initially, as with humans?  Another reason I suspect I am not human.  :p  Anyway...

I set the alarm for 6:00 and 8:00.  I was able, as planned, to wake and shut everything down at the 6:00 alarm.  I wasn't able to wake at 8:00, as hoped.  I tried a ten alarm.  Again, I failed.  It wasn't until noon, perhaps as much as an half hour after, that I could wake.  Still, all good.  Blood sugar was 187.  Not great, but it definitely beats 350 or such.  And, that is my high for the days.  After, I am hitting between 160's and high 80's.  I am being more cautious with insulin, no dives lately.  I need to check my bp before long.  I just took medication.  I usually give it an half hour to hour to work.

Strange to some, but that was a very good night of dreams.  *grins*  Later.

Yes, right.

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High summer can do that.  I forgot.  While feeling splendid, my mind drifted.  A sort of slumber creeps in.  It allows me to forget what I face.  As above, so below, and lower still if you might not believe it.  Here less than on high... or lessor.  Below us, even lessor.  Hell is a mess, if Detroit is becoming every city.  I... have seen down there.  Sent to look at what was happening.  More like Detroit, before they started clearing blight, but with mixed ages... the burbs and smaller cities anyway.  Building from nearly the stoneages mixed with modern skyscrapers, nothing quite fits or works, but it remains standing, mostly.

I don't know if hell will rise this time or next.  It gets one shot at it.  Man will choose the time.  An agent of God, for good or ill, will assist.  The elect will judge that one.  Demons seem to be on the move, rising, or going to staging areas to rise.  Whether I think it is time, or not, they do.  That is why I was sent.  To look.  All were gathering in the cities, the rural and burbs I saw were... mostly... devoid of denizens.  Mostly.  There were a few... terrible things.  I only sensed them.  Too hateful for even the army of hell, if not interested in much, even me?  Or just unaware, snuggled so deeply into their quilt of hate they couldn't or wouldn't see.

Many men are surrendering to the darkness.  They are embracing it.  As things go one way, they go the other way, if not always in wisdom's council.  If everyone is everyone's enemy, then there is no room for friends of even a slight variance.  Of course, that will mean you are all alone, each of you.  Not even family will count, be cautious.  Choose wisely.  Me?  I am less an actor than a will.  Given no choice, I will do, but that is different from acting.

Someone reminded me.  Even my kin... aren't my friends.  But they aren't friends, even to each other.  Dog versus dog, if I will offer some another option?  I... think so.  Only one can truly know enough to choose to be a friend, ally, of mine, or not.  I have to hope those who claim his council will see as well.  Can't count on it, in these times.  Then again, it doesn't matter in a fleshly way.  That part of my life is, pretty much, done.  This life has been over for decades.  If that isn't what troubles.

A dangerous world.

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I keep bumping into things.  Events.  People, businesses, government agencies and employees, all doing harm.  I have to wonder if harm is the goal, or merely a requirement for some other achievement.  All I am certain about, is that the world has become extremely dangerous.  I have to assume, in short order, it will become murderously so.  I have contemplated escape, but there really isn't a way out.

In part, my health is a limit.  Even in good health, escape would require a place, and means in some new place.  There is no place to escape fully.  Some think Alaska is the place to go.  The thing is, even if you escape one thing, you end up in another form of danger.  If you... mostly... escape government, you then face people.  And a lot of people who mean to avoid government are... problematic.  Should you escape both government and people?  You face wildlife.  And, in all cases, the environment is an issue.

I haven't figured out how to do things.  Only that my government is dangerous.  Corporations have become dangerous.  The people around me have become potentially dangerous.  China virus isn't even a real threat, or at least not one I can do much about.  Masks do nothing.  Nor will goggles, social distancing, or any other measure they impose.  Try wearing airtight goggles.  And you thought masks were bad?  I'm not exactly sure what to do.  Poverty is exploding, government excess is expanding beyond reason, and companies are being funneled into monopolies, run by foreigners, financed by people who hate America and Americans.  Not sure what to do.

Are there any friends or allies, political, economic, social, civil, at this point?  Or has it become completely tribal?  Or worse?  Yeah, it can be worse when even tribes break down.  It is a much more dangerous world than it was not long ago.  And it is going downhill.  As I suggested before, either you aren't alone, or you are all alone.  Though the choice may not be yours.

Another day.

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Down at midnight.  I had opened everything, including upstairs.  It never got below 74° upstairs, after I opened up.  I woke half before eight?  Or so. But just to shut everything down, close it all up.  The front room then read 66°, the main room 69°, upstairs 74°.  I didn't check outside.  At nine, it is 75° outside, 72° in the main, and 69° in this front room.  The upstairs is the same, if ac will eventually cool that to, probably, 70° or 72°.  It will be another scorcher, almost certainly.

I am getting pummeled by the warmth.  It isn't terrible in here, but the long hours of sun, and the heat that seeps through, plus the need to go out occasionally, adds up.  It is too bright to really nap, usually.  On the other hand, it is mostly comfortable until later in the day.  It has been easier to take medicine, and I have been taking it quite well.

Blood sugar was 189 this morning.  A little higher than it should be, but then, fasting blood sugars, for me, have always been high.  I am thinking, in a bit, scrambled eggs with onions and milk should do.  Later?  I just don't know.  Hmm... burger patties?  Smash burgers?  Something.  I need to thaw some things, for the week.

Again, I am hoping to get a few things done.  I'll know more later.  Good day.