.
.
A rough one. Breathing is good, but those waves of illness are back, along with pretty severe exhaustion. Flying low and slow should see me awake for a good part of the day but nothing else will be done. It has definitely been worse. Having a few days of feeling good and getting a few things done was a fantastic break though. I can handle more suffering until my next shot at health, or death.
I will continue to make plans, each day. I may not get a single thing done or I might break out in a moment and get on track. If I can keep the food, fluid, and medicine rolling, I should do fine for a bit. Eating and drinking past nausea and fever is tricky but at least my ribs don't hurt more after eating or drinking. I have been checking my blood pressure. While it is anywhere from 160-180/120-140, my pulse has dropped into the low to mid 90's. I think that was what they really wanted, wanted first, or something. That alone might be what is causing problems. Changing my stats changes other things.
I do need to get to the store soon though. While I have plenty of dry cat food, I am running low on canned. I am sure they can live on dry. It is certainly easier to feed only dry. But I am trying to feed them according to the best advice I have read so far. Sassy is really getting tired of the additive, the cat yogurt. But her bowel movements have not been so odoriferous lately. I would love to give her a break from the stuff but I almost fear to have to go through another month if I don't feed her through, solidly, on this stuff. I'll think on it. I know how nasty medicine is, regardless of how good for you anyone says it is.
Later, maybe good night.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Not exactly the splitting of the sea.
.
.
But I didn't have a neat staff, a bunch of malcontents and an attacking army at my back, or even a sea in front of me. But I did cook last night. And I ate some fresh hot food and have a nice little stock of leftovers to carry me a few more days. Everything, at this point, is short term. I would like to do more but there isn't enough to do much more with. I am hoping this will improve as I push the edges where and how I can.
A few things today, if I can. Picking up sticks in the yard sounds like a plan. Maybe a load of laundry, maybe even two. A trip to town to do a bit more shopping and to pick up a peg-board. That is it. Well, on top of keeping the medicine going, along with a bit of drink and food. I am just learning to balance... everything. So much is new. Not balancing means severe strictures and pain, perhaps death. Remembering everything, staying ahead of my physical needs since I am not aware of them, and doing a bit more... it's tricky for me. I simply put wool socks on and added sweat bottoms rather than normal pants of some sort this morning, and probably wisely. I can, now, feel the cold in my feet and legs. I probably would not have noticed otherwise.
Hmm, if I go to town, I might stop to see my friend. I might even grab a couple of sandwiches from a shop we both really like. Bring cheer, all are somewhat happy. Bring food, cheer shows up even better. He is thin enough that they are going to be putting him on food stamps. I think, in Utah, that is saying something. Not that Utah is cheap, only that it reserves it's resources (minus the cities of course) for those with real need. He didn't apply, the medical system did. Yep, a bit of food and a visit. Nothing fancy but it means a lot when one is even temporarily homebound. He would do the same if he had a vehicle, if that isn't the point. I need to move more slowly, but I need more surely to move if I can.
A bit more waking and then off to a new day. Have a great day.
.
But I didn't have a neat staff, a bunch of malcontents and an attacking army at my back, or even a sea in front of me. But I did cook last night. And I ate some fresh hot food and have a nice little stock of leftovers to carry me a few more days. Everything, at this point, is short term. I would like to do more but there isn't enough to do much more with. I am hoping this will improve as I push the edges where and how I can.
A few things today, if I can. Picking up sticks in the yard sounds like a plan. Maybe a load of laundry, maybe even two. A trip to town to do a bit more shopping and to pick up a peg-board. That is it. Well, on top of keeping the medicine going, along with a bit of drink and food. I am just learning to balance... everything. So much is new. Not balancing means severe strictures and pain, perhaps death. Remembering everything, staying ahead of my physical needs since I am not aware of them, and doing a bit more... it's tricky for me. I simply put wool socks on and added sweat bottoms rather than normal pants of some sort this morning, and probably wisely. I can, now, feel the cold in my feet and legs. I probably would not have noticed otherwise.
Hmm, if I go to town, I might stop to see my friend. I might even grab a couple of sandwiches from a shop we both really like. Bring cheer, all are somewhat happy. Bring food, cheer shows up even better. He is thin enough that they are going to be putting him on food stamps. I think, in Utah, that is saying something. Not that Utah is cheap, only that it reserves it's resources (minus the cities of course) for those with real need. He didn't apply, the medical system did. Yep, a bit of food and a visit. Nothing fancy but it means a lot when one is even temporarily homebound. He would do the same if he had a vehicle, if that isn't the point. I need to move more slowly, but I need more surely to move if I can.
A bit more waking and then off to a new day. Have a great day.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Various thoughts of late.
.
.
In a recent conversation, the idea of yin and yang came up. The notion that there is universal balance between good and evil, man and woman, life and death, and whatever else. After a few moments, I had to suggest that a notion of balance along such lines was not possible. Nor, probably, something to be sought. In the West we are seeing the ills of trying to have women raised to the level of equality. The laws created to produce such an abomination has broken the family, disrupted business, and left men, women, and children in a disheveled ghoul of a society. In muslim nations, we see the ills of the opposite. However, the truth is honored roles rather than some arbitrary understanding of some impossible equality is the way to go. Boring, I am sure. Static, of course. And when done correctly, rather unyielding. History, physiology, faith, and many other indicators all point to the obvious. There is no equality therefore balance can't be found in it. We live in unwise times, though, and of course.
Another notion to come up was the idea that God was perfectly good and Satan is God's equal opposite. This too is a mistake. There is no such thing as "perfect evil". It bothers me that any who profess to believe in God, Christ, and the Holy spirit might stray this way. Perhaps most people do not spend all that much time thinking of such things? Perhaps it is tasked to those who see to point out the little things others miss? I miss many things and have to busily research here and there, read this and that, and listen (when I can). Then again, having been an adherent of Zen for a short time, maybe these things cross my mind more often.
I was watching a show about pornography addiction. I remember going through that myself, so was curious. I have been cured, out and out, and yet I wanted to see what other men go through and what steps are available, how others find health, and such things. I remember my cure. It did not come from constant therapy, clerical intervention, or anything long term. I had prayed to God about some doubts about my then woman. I all but heard "Look to the log in your own eye"! Startled, I knew immediately what was meant. It took two tries, that first shock and then later after viewing porn again (once), a remembering of the "voice". At the time I felt great shame and I felt quite alone. I found myself alone in my sin. I had some anger and hurt feelings but I couldn't quite direct those at God. I realized, after a time, that my feelings were about not getting to do what I wanted to do. But too, I saw why not. After hearing how much work other men must go through to find health in this issue, I realize now how lucky I am. I feel privileged in some way. Why me and not others? I'll take it, whatever the reason. And I will pray for those who do not have it as easy.
My friend called. He needed three units of blood, he got two today and will get another Monday. Three units? That's half of his blood level. I have seen him needing more. It always amazes me. At least this time they simply added the iron to the blood so he isn't having to go in for those injections as well. It took them six hours to get the blood and saline in. We can commiserate a bit. Different problems, sometimes similar symptoms, very different treatments. Both of us, for all intents and purposes, should be dead and have learned to stretch even that to new levels. Both of us have problems taking the prescribed medicine. He is more cheery about it all though, I have to admit. The silver lining is that pessimism is all mine!
I am hoping to cook tonight. I can't swear it will be done, but I... think... I... can. I want to cook, very much, as well. Fresh hot food sounds good after days of mostly cold and reheated leftovers. A quick grilling would see me into more brots and chicken thighs. A few fresh and warm, a bit for leftovers. Just bits and pieces, but I am beginning to eat a bit more regularly. A half dozen baby carrots and peanut butter or ranch dressing here, an apple there, a brot or two now. I simply can't get fancy.
Anyway, good night.
.
In a recent conversation, the idea of yin and yang came up. The notion that there is universal balance between good and evil, man and woman, life and death, and whatever else. After a few moments, I had to suggest that a notion of balance along such lines was not possible. Nor, probably, something to be sought. In the West we are seeing the ills of trying to have women raised to the level of equality. The laws created to produce such an abomination has broken the family, disrupted business, and left men, women, and children in a disheveled ghoul of a society. In muslim nations, we see the ills of the opposite. However, the truth is honored roles rather than some arbitrary understanding of some impossible equality is the way to go. Boring, I am sure. Static, of course. And when done correctly, rather unyielding. History, physiology, faith, and many other indicators all point to the obvious. There is no equality therefore balance can't be found in it. We live in unwise times, though, and of course.
Another notion to come up was the idea that God was perfectly good and Satan is God's equal opposite. This too is a mistake. There is no such thing as "perfect evil". It bothers me that any who profess to believe in God, Christ, and the Holy spirit might stray this way. Perhaps most people do not spend all that much time thinking of such things? Perhaps it is tasked to those who see to point out the little things others miss? I miss many things and have to busily research here and there, read this and that, and listen (when I can). Then again, having been an adherent of Zen for a short time, maybe these things cross my mind more often.
I was watching a show about pornography addiction. I remember going through that myself, so was curious. I have been cured, out and out, and yet I wanted to see what other men go through and what steps are available, how others find health, and such things. I remember my cure. It did not come from constant therapy, clerical intervention, or anything long term. I had prayed to God about some doubts about my then woman. I all but heard "Look to the log in your own eye"! Startled, I knew immediately what was meant. It took two tries, that first shock and then later after viewing porn again (once), a remembering of the "voice". At the time I felt great shame and I felt quite alone. I found myself alone in my sin. I had some anger and hurt feelings but I couldn't quite direct those at God. I realized, after a time, that my feelings were about not getting to do what I wanted to do. But too, I saw why not. After hearing how much work other men must go through to find health in this issue, I realize now how lucky I am. I feel privileged in some way. Why me and not others? I'll take it, whatever the reason. And I will pray for those who do not have it as easy.
My friend called. He needed three units of blood, he got two today and will get another Monday. Three units? That's half of his blood level. I have seen him needing more. It always amazes me. At least this time they simply added the iron to the blood so he isn't having to go in for those injections as well. It took them six hours to get the blood and saline in. We can commiserate a bit. Different problems, sometimes similar symptoms, very different treatments. Both of us, for all intents and purposes, should be dead and have learned to stretch even that to new levels. Both of us have problems taking the prescribed medicine. He is more cheery about it all though, I have to admit. The silver lining is that pessimism is all mine!
I am hoping to cook tonight. I can't swear it will be done, but I... think... I... can. I want to cook, very much, as well. Fresh hot food sounds good after days of mostly cold and reheated leftovers. A quick grilling would see me into more brots and chicken thighs. A few fresh and warm, a bit for leftovers. Just bits and pieces, but I am beginning to eat a bit more regularly. A half dozen baby carrots and peanut butter or ranch dressing here, an apple there, a brot or two now. I simply can't get fancy.
Anyway, good night.
Grump.
.
.
No, no, feeling pretty good. Really. I almost am beginning to think I am indeed human and not just a clump of activated pain receptors with little else in the way substance. I have been able to sleep, and take a nap this afternoon. The pusses get attention and are loving it. I can function fairly well, tying my shoes doesn't cause heartburn as my stomach and lungs aren't full to busting. In that way, life remains good. What isn't good is I ran out of... something.
While I called about a business situation today, I have been unable to do more. At least so far. I keep trying to get to more, and will have some hope until I flick the light off and crawl back into bed for the night. Perhaps I have pushed beyond my capacity in the last few days. Though I think the problem is that it turned cold and I did not respond to that well enough.
Thinking about that, I realize I do not respond well to signals I must only assume my body does send to my brain. Hunger, thirst, temperature issues, all these and more are something most people deal with. I simply do not consciously receive those messages of distress until I am suffering. As is, I eat occasionally because food is there. I drink because of a fear of exaggerated dehydration from recent events and medications. I didn't realize I was cold until after struggling to stay awake until this afternoon and crawling into bed for a nap I realized how nice the warmth of a blanket really was. Dissociation, probably, robs me of an ability to typically respond, or even notice, needs.
Wanting to get things done, I am going to have to consciously be aware of my needs. I am not precisely sure how to test for need though. I suppose it is something I will have to figure out along the way. Of course overdoing things is another side issue. Knowing which is the cause might help, but being able to be aware of neither is the problem. Still, another day of easier breathing, less buildup of fluids, and simple living is good enough. And I have a bit of a plan to deal with the rest of it.
In spite of my difficulties, even in the worst of my sleeping and breathing problems, and perhaps oddly to many, I continued to pray. Not for recovery, or a miracle cure, or anything like that. I was, in spite of it all, still quite grateful for what I have had and what I still have. I don't need much. I don't even need to be pain free, or be able to breathe easily, if those do make other things more pleasant. I remain thankful.
Have a great day.
.
No, no, feeling pretty good. Really. I almost am beginning to think I am indeed human and not just a clump of activated pain receptors with little else in the way substance. I have been able to sleep, and take a nap this afternoon. The pusses get attention and are loving it. I can function fairly well, tying my shoes doesn't cause heartburn as my stomach and lungs aren't full to busting. In that way, life remains good. What isn't good is I ran out of... something.
While I called about a business situation today, I have been unable to do more. At least so far. I keep trying to get to more, and will have some hope until I flick the light off and crawl back into bed for the night. Perhaps I have pushed beyond my capacity in the last few days. Though I think the problem is that it turned cold and I did not respond to that well enough.
Thinking about that, I realize I do not respond well to signals I must only assume my body does send to my brain. Hunger, thirst, temperature issues, all these and more are something most people deal with. I simply do not consciously receive those messages of distress until I am suffering. As is, I eat occasionally because food is there. I drink because of a fear of exaggerated dehydration from recent events and medications. I didn't realize I was cold until after struggling to stay awake until this afternoon and crawling into bed for a nap I realized how nice the warmth of a blanket really was. Dissociation, probably, robs me of an ability to typically respond, or even notice, needs.
Wanting to get things done, I am going to have to consciously be aware of my needs. I am not precisely sure how to test for need though. I suppose it is something I will have to figure out along the way. Of course overdoing things is another side issue. Knowing which is the cause might help, but being able to be aware of neither is the problem. Still, another day of easier breathing, less buildup of fluids, and simple living is good enough. And I have a bit of a plan to deal with the rest of it.
In spite of my difficulties, even in the worst of my sleeping and breathing problems, and perhaps oddly to many, I continued to pray. Not for recovery, or a miracle cure, or anything like that. I was, in spite of it all, still quite grateful for what I have had and what I still have. I don't need much. I don't even need to be pain free, or be able to breathe easily, if those do make other things more pleasant. I remain thankful.
Have a great day.
Good sleep, a little extra of it, and ready to go.
.
.
My only problem with sleep, last night, was that as I was trying to stay up long enough to void twice. In my exhaustion from a full day I forgot why I was staying up even after I passed enough water to float a boat. All I could remember was that there was some reason for me to try and stay awake a little longer. Like a kid staying up way past his bed time to see a Godzilla flick or something, I sat watching the stupid-tube, nodding, head leaning somethings, until I finally realized I could go to bed.
I am sleeping well enough that I decided to let the girls sleep with me last night. I don't do that every night, just a time or two a week. Last night was the night. I don't really, unless I have an appointment, need an alarm clock. The girls wake me about seven to nine hours after I go to bed. Something about FOOD! If I think I can get another hour or two of sleep, and actually think I need it, I will scoot the girls out and try to do a bit more pillow face planting. I got a bit more sleep today. I figure, if all goes this well over the weekend, I might be caught up on sleep, fluids, and energy by Monday. And thankfully, actually. I hate that extra hour or two of sleep. But it does seem to be helping in a number of areas. What that really means I can't be sure. I haven't been this well in... I'll get back to you on that. Like I said though, a perfect storm.
I am still not top dog. My limits include some of the new limits. Breathing is not a free enterprise. Picking up branches and maybe trimming the weeds will be a major physical effort. I haven't been able to stretch much beyond a fairly limited bubble. I can move slower, or do more quickly, but at some pretty solid point my body stuffs me into a chair without air. If I further fight beyond that, my downtime can become large. This has nothing to do with will. If I could expand that, or even had enough for four hours of reasonable work, I would be helping with the sandbagging. As is I would only be in the way. Perhaps I can expand that bubble. It will take a long time, more time then replacing sleep and water. I have been truly lung sick for over three months and problematic for years now. Weights might help, same with walking and a bicycle. Or they may not.
So much needs to be done, and all of it takes longer than expected. While washing and drying clothes takes only an hour or so for each process, sorting, folding, and tending the clothes must be added. As well, collecting them, sorting them by color and material, all takes even more time. Dishes are straight forward but some things will need to be soaked. Picking up means decision making, a personal weakness regardless of my physical state. And lots of odds and ends tasks and chores and such remain. I am thinking of getting a cork board for here beside my machine, to help me track things. Bringing a calender, adding in the post-it notes, and putting my appointments and plans on the calender and in my phone might help.
Today is about doing a few more loads of laundry, at least a load of dishes, maybe vacuuming, some business which will require a drive to town (and a good time to pick up a cork board and thumb type tacks), some cooking on the grill, and maybe picking up sticks. If I have time, I may take my hatchet out, and a stool, and begin working on the sticks to produce bundles of firewood (and if my finances look good, a time to order a StoveTec wood burning stove). I don't know what will actually get done. Spending money, for one thing, is always spooky. Especially with the vet, possible travel for others, and some other things on my mind. Ah well, I will do what I can.
Concentration seems to be back, better than ever actually and for now. The only thing that throws me is how long it really takes to get to any project, to finish various tasks, and then staying on track in spite of "lost time" due to project overruns. Food and water consumption does help. The medicines are helping with fluid buildup, thus breathing and pain mitigation. And I do have a native will to get in and do things if I see reasonable way to success, believe it to be affordable, and think I know enough to finish. I don't want to start multi-day or week long projects just yet. I don't trust myself to more than a bit of a future projection of potential at this time, not yet. Why rip up flooring, assuming I could afford to do so, knowing it might remain unfinished for weeks? Yeah, working on that.
Have a good day!
.
My only problem with sleep, last night, was that as I was trying to stay up long enough to void twice. In my exhaustion from a full day I forgot why I was staying up even after I passed enough water to float a boat. All I could remember was that there was some reason for me to try and stay awake a little longer. Like a kid staying up way past his bed time to see a Godzilla flick or something, I sat watching the stupid-tube, nodding, head leaning somethings, until I finally realized I could go to bed.
I am sleeping well enough that I decided to let the girls sleep with me last night. I don't do that every night, just a time or two a week. Last night was the night. I don't really, unless I have an appointment, need an alarm clock. The girls wake me about seven to nine hours after I go to bed. Something about FOOD! If I think I can get another hour or two of sleep, and actually think I need it, I will scoot the girls out and try to do a bit more pillow face planting. I got a bit more sleep today. I figure, if all goes this well over the weekend, I might be caught up on sleep, fluids, and energy by Monday. And thankfully, actually. I hate that extra hour or two of sleep. But it does seem to be helping in a number of areas. What that really means I can't be sure. I haven't been this well in... I'll get back to you on that. Like I said though, a perfect storm.
I am still not top dog. My limits include some of the new limits. Breathing is not a free enterprise. Picking up branches and maybe trimming the weeds will be a major physical effort. I haven't been able to stretch much beyond a fairly limited bubble. I can move slower, or do more quickly, but at some pretty solid point my body stuffs me into a chair without air. If I further fight beyond that, my downtime can become large. This has nothing to do with will. If I could expand that, or even had enough for four hours of reasonable work, I would be helping with the sandbagging. As is I would only be in the way. Perhaps I can expand that bubble. It will take a long time, more time then replacing sleep and water. I have been truly lung sick for over three months and problematic for years now. Weights might help, same with walking and a bicycle. Or they may not.
So much needs to be done, and all of it takes longer than expected. While washing and drying clothes takes only an hour or so for each process, sorting, folding, and tending the clothes must be added. As well, collecting them, sorting them by color and material, all takes even more time. Dishes are straight forward but some things will need to be soaked. Picking up means decision making, a personal weakness regardless of my physical state. And lots of odds and ends tasks and chores and such remain. I am thinking of getting a cork board for here beside my machine, to help me track things. Bringing a calender, adding in the post-it notes, and putting my appointments and plans on the calender and in my phone might help.
Today is about doing a few more loads of laundry, at least a load of dishes, maybe vacuuming, some business which will require a drive to town (and a good time to pick up a cork board and thumb type tacks), some cooking on the grill, and maybe picking up sticks. If I have time, I may take my hatchet out, and a stool, and begin working on the sticks to produce bundles of firewood (and if my finances look good, a time to order a StoveTec wood burning stove). I don't know what will actually get done. Spending money, for one thing, is always spooky. Especially with the vet, possible travel for others, and some other things on my mind. Ah well, I will do what I can.
Concentration seems to be back, better than ever actually and for now. The only thing that throws me is how long it really takes to get to any project, to finish various tasks, and then staying on track in spite of "lost time" due to project overruns. Food and water consumption does help. The medicines are helping with fluid buildup, thus breathing and pain mitigation. And I do have a native will to get in and do things if I see reasonable way to success, believe it to be affordable, and think I know enough to finish. I don't want to start multi-day or week long projects just yet. I don't trust myself to more than a bit of a future projection of potential at this time, not yet. Why rip up flooring, assuming I could afford to do so, knowing it might remain unfinished for weeks? Yeah, working on that.
Have a good day!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Not bad.
.
.
I finished another load of laundry, cleaned the cat food dishes, and tinkered on various things before heading to the appointment. I called my friend in there somewhere. He wasn't sure he wanted to go shooting, but maybe something. While getting the wool fluff out of my socks, I missed my appointment technically. I would be running up to an half hour late. I called and they said they could still fit me in.
Sam ended up being a bit pricier, and I hear they want Sassy back in. With no history on Sam, they started from the start. Yearly shots are about $100, but first time shots are a series of shots before they get to yearly boosters. And they did an cat aids, heartworm, and tb (maybe) test. All told, so far, Sam cost $150 or so. And she has to go in for two more in the series in three weeks at $85, then a final singular booster after that at $45. Plus, they want Sassy to be tested, then immunized for cat aids, which will be $60 for the test, then 3 x $45 for the immunization if she doesn't have it. Eventually they need a slew of monthly preventative medicines, which will end up being about $80 per year per cat. As well, I would eventually like to have them chipped. If they were feed animals, no. But being pets, that's a different can of worms. Tagging is about $40 per cat. I guess the chronograph will simply have to wait. As will all testing and shots. I need to stretch these out a bit.
After that, I picked up my friend and it looked good enough that shooting seemed reasonable. On the way I dropped Sam at home and picked up my .22 rifle. I put sixty to seventy downrange and he shot his .380 a bit as well. Even with the serious breeze, we shot pretty well. After that we stopped at a sporting goods store to look for a few things. Neither of us found much. I did see something I might end up buying, braided semi-static climbing rope. What I have is twisted. While twisted rope is fine for rappelling and a few other things, it can be treacherous for tree climbing, causing one to possibly spin on the rope without a surface to connect.
My friend is not really into fancy, exotic, or foreign cuisine. Steak and potatoes, thank you very much, is his general design. However, I wanted to try an Indian restaurant. I offered to pay his way if he would agree to go with. Well, he did give me gas money and has always paid his way save for few rarities and then he doesn't really like it. Still, he took the bait. I had lamb saag (or something). He had it in chicken form. I also ordered some onionized flat bread and a side dish. I really liked my dinner, and if he was not just being nice, he said he liked his chow. After that I went to the store and bought a few easy treats, some nuts, vegetables, a couple of meats to be grilled tomorrow, and some condiments that were on a serious sale. I also picked up some super size post-its, to try and keep track of appointments, business tasks, and general scheduled events I would like to begin adding in (if health holds).
Not bad for having walked out of the tomb yesterday. My breathing did take a hit near the end, as exhaustion (and a reasonable one in this case) began to set in. I will take my late afternoon pills a bit late but no harm no foul if I stay up at least long enough to void a couple of times. Washing the apples and pears and seeing to what is in the dryer should see me finish the day in the winner's circle.
I wonder what I can get to tomorrow? I have some business I would like to attend, some more chores to finish up, and perhaps even another trip into town. There is so much to do, all of it takes a lot of time. I know I will wear out sooner or later. Until I do, I will keep going. Good night.
.
I finished another load of laundry, cleaned the cat food dishes, and tinkered on various things before heading to the appointment. I called my friend in there somewhere. He wasn't sure he wanted to go shooting, but maybe something. While getting the wool fluff out of my socks, I missed my appointment technically. I would be running up to an half hour late. I called and they said they could still fit me in.
Sam ended up being a bit pricier, and I hear they want Sassy back in. With no history on Sam, they started from the start. Yearly shots are about $100, but first time shots are a series of shots before they get to yearly boosters. And they did an cat aids, heartworm, and tb (maybe) test. All told, so far, Sam cost $150 or so. And she has to go in for two more in the series in three weeks at $85, then a final singular booster after that at $45. Plus, they want Sassy to be tested, then immunized for cat aids, which will be $60 for the test, then 3 x $45 for the immunization if she doesn't have it. Eventually they need a slew of monthly preventative medicines, which will end up being about $80 per year per cat. As well, I would eventually like to have them chipped. If they were feed animals, no. But being pets, that's a different can of worms. Tagging is about $40 per cat. I guess the chronograph will simply have to wait. As will all testing and shots. I need to stretch these out a bit.
After that, I picked up my friend and it looked good enough that shooting seemed reasonable. On the way I dropped Sam at home and picked up my .22 rifle. I put sixty to seventy downrange and he shot his .380 a bit as well. Even with the serious breeze, we shot pretty well. After that we stopped at a sporting goods store to look for a few things. Neither of us found much. I did see something I might end up buying, braided semi-static climbing rope. What I have is twisted. While twisted rope is fine for rappelling and a few other things, it can be treacherous for tree climbing, causing one to possibly spin on the rope without a surface to connect.
My friend is not really into fancy, exotic, or foreign cuisine. Steak and potatoes, thank you very much, is his general design. However, I wanted to try an Indian restaurant. I offered to pay his way if he would agree to go with. Well, he did give me gas money and has always paid his way save for few rarities and then he doesn't really like it. Still, he took the bait. I had lamb saag (or something). He had it in chicken form. I also ordered some onionized flat bread and a side dish. I really liked my dinner, and if he was not just being nice, he said he liked his chow. After that I went to the store and bought a few easy treats, some nuts, vegetables, a couple of meats to be grilled tomorrow, and some condiments that were on a serious sale. I also picked up some super size post-its, to try and keep track of appointments, business tasks, and general scheduled events I would like to begin adding in (if health holds).
Not bad for having walked out of the tomb yesterday. My breathing did take a hit near the end, as exhaustion (and a reasonable one in this case) began to set in. I will take my late afternoon pills a bit late but no harm no foul if I stay up at least long enough to void a couple of times. Washing the apples and pears and seeing to what is in the dryer should see me finish the day in the winner's circle.
I wonder what I can get to tomorrow? I have some business I would like to attend, some more chores to finish up, and perhaps even another trip into town. There is so much to do, all of it takes a lot of time. I know I will wear out sooner or later. Until I do, I will keep going. Good night.
It can be so easy.
.
.
From thinking to doing, when things are just right, it just happens. I am washing my socks. I like wool socks, and wear them almost always. I even found the special soap for woolens. I have several other loads ready to be washed. I was going to get to the dishes, but realized the cat food dishes needed cleaned first and I was getting ready to need a break. So instead I started soaking the cat food bowls. A couple of other odds and ends have been tended, thoughtlessly, in the process. Picking a few things up here, collecting things there, just... doing. It really is easy and light when I can breathe, think, remember. No pushing involved today at all.
A call to my friend shortly, a call to check on some business, a check to the bank to make sure I have enough, and maybe some shopping before I return home. When I get days like these, I use them until they are gone. I have had a wave or two of the dread malaise and flu like symptoms, but they have been both light and passed quickly. I was actually able to work on through one of them. One forced me to sit in the chair of woe for a bit, but only shortly. I still run out of breathe, but if I move a little slower at that point I can continue for a while.
Not everything is easy. I will have to push to get ready and go. It seems leaving my home, something like leaving the planet for a rocket ship, takes a lot more energy then simply flying. I suppose it is because leaving requires a shower and grooming, dressing and choosing the clothes in the first place, finding and putting on shoes, then getting my vehicle started, out of the garage, and closing that back up, as well as some other things. It is a huge outlay of resources of which I can never be sure I have. I am so used to... reserving energy, planning every move, that spending that much at one time is sort of spooky. Then I will have to deal with people. We live in a rude world, a harsh world. There is kindness, civility, and mannered interaction out there, but it is more like a blooming rose in the wild... rarity rather than surety.
But, so be it. Today is the day to get some things done. I will do all that I can reasonably do and maybe a bit more. The weekend is coming up, if I need to I can rest then. If not, perhaps I can get to the yard, or even part of it. If I can pick up fallen limbs, I will start with that. If I can do more, I might try using the weed whacker to do the edges. If I can go further, I may begin to mow the lawn in sections.
I am glad, when the missionaries came, I asked them to help me set up my weight bench the next time they arrive. I was thinking that might be a foolish hope, but I think it might be a good plan now. If I can only lift a few light sets a week, so be it. If I can get to three times a week I will be ecstatic. A bit of that might lead to walks, hikes out to the dam. Even walking half way and back, or a quarter of the way and back, would be something. Darn it, if I am going to die I would like to look as good as I can. If I am not going to die, then I better get to getting off my butt. I'm not sure how my butt feels about it. Then again I am not known for sensitivities. :p Later.
.
From thinking to doing, when things are just right, it just happens. I am washing my socks. I like wool socks, and wear them almost always. I even found the special soap for woolens. I have several other loads ready to be washed. I was going to get to the dishes, but realized the cat food dishes needed cleaned first and I was getting ready to need a break. So instead I started soaking the cat food bowls. A couple of other odds and ends have been tended, thoughtlessly, in the process. Picking a few things up here, collecting things there, just... doing. It really is easy and light when I can breathe, think, remember. No pushing involved today at all.
A call to my friend shortly, a call to check on some business, a check to the bank to make sure I have enough, and maybe some shopping before I return home. When I get days like these, I use them until they are gone. I have had a wave or two of the dread malaise and flu like symptoms, but they have been both light and passed quickly. I was actually able to work on through one of them. One forced me to sit in the chair of woe for a bit, but only shortly. I still run out of breathe, but if I move a little slower at that point I can continue for a while.
Not everything is easy. I will have to push to get ready and go. It seems leaving my home, something like leaving the planet for a rocket ship, takes a lot more energy then simply flying. I suppose it is because leaving requires a shower and grooming, dressing and choosing the clothes in the first place, finding and putting on shoes, then getting my vehicle started, out of the garage, and closing that back up, as well as some other things. It is a huge outlay of resources of which I can never be sure I have. I am so used to... reserving energy, planning every move, that spending that much at one time is sort of spooky. Then I will have to deal with people. We live in a rude world, a harsh world. There is kindness, civility, and mannered interaction out there, but it is more like a blooming rose in the wild... rarity rather than surety.
But, so be it. Today is the day to get some things done. I will do all that I can reasonably do and maybe a bit more. The weekend is coming up, if I need to I can rest then. If not, perhaps I can get to the yard, or even part of it. If I can pick up fallen limbs, I will start with that. If I can do more, I might try using the weed whacker to do the edges. If I can go further, I may begin to mow the lawn in sections.
I am glad, when the missionaries came, I asked them to help me set up my weight bench the next time they arrive. I was thinking that might be a foolish hope, but I think it might be a good plan now. If I can only lift a few light sets a week, so be it. If I can get to three times a week I will be ecstatic. A bit of that might lead to walks, hikes out to the dam. Even walking half way and back, or a quarter of the way and back, would be something. Darn it, if I am going to die I would like to look as good as I can. If I am not going to die, then I better get to getting off my butt. I'm not sure how my butt feels about it. Then again I am not known for sensitivities. :p Later.
The perfect storm.
.
.
I was able to sleep my eight hours. I picked up another two hours, after waking at eight hours of sleep, with a little effort. Why push for extra sleep? As I have said, like dehydration, deficits can be compensated but only over time, a bit at a time. Or, that is how I have found things to work for me. The rest was good, the extra rest was rough but needed as I see things. A little bit of grump time to deal with pains and discomfort this morning and I am, again, in decent shape. We will see if the waves of suffering begin today again. I suspect they will, if perhaps they may be lessening too.
I am taking the full compliment of recommended medications and figuring out how to stay 'wet enough' as well. Two or three 8 ounce glasses of Gatorade, a similar serving or two of milk, a soda or two (of which I can only drink perhaps half, as it is too filling). Further, I have bits of food. Brots, carrots, apples, and peanut butter, for now, see me to several very small meals which I can both tolerate and even almost enjoy. Other than cooking the brots, the rest is easy food. In smaller amounts I do well with food.
I just started the hyzaar (losartan plus hydrochlorothiazide) and standard hydrochlorothiazide. Those I will be taking in the late afternoon (early enough to void a time or two before sleep), with one of my glasses of Gatorade. The rest I take in the morning. The added effects of hydrochlorothiazide really helped to get rid of the extra water that was going into my abdomen, but I think if I took it in the morning with the rest, the effects might be washed out before I try to sleep, leaving me with too much fluid to sleep again.
Why do I call it the perfect storm then? Because, right at this time, I have food, I have the fluids I need, and I have a decent supply of medication. All of these things are difficult for me to both obtain and keep on tap. Like it or not, and in truth, my life is difficult to maintain without needing to keep dozens of things available. I fear falling in any of those areas. Shopping is still a struggle, maintaining focus to both realize I am low on a particular need and then seeing through to a timely purchase or reordering is difficult. And, I have finally realized I am crippled, it isn't choice so much as loss of function (which no medicine other than Ritalin has helped overcome to date). So, yes, I am afraid. Part of my unwillingness to go on medicines hinges on this fear, knowledge, understanding.
I will continue this as well and as long as I can. So far my blood pressure and pulse have not budged, other than diastolic going up to as high as 140 every third reading or so. Still, I have a few weeks before I go to cardiology. If I can maintain some focus, begin to get on some things, I might begin looking at the things D.C. and Jean have suggested in the way of more natural bp curatives. I will have to be very careful, however, regarding interactions, with as many medicines as I am taking.
But, there it is. I am riding the medicine bike, for now. I can't say how long, beside keeping the gravy trains moving, I can stay on the stuff. Often it takes a couple weeks to a month before my disability kicks in, enhanced by medicine, and goes into blackout conditions on this type of stuff. If they are wise, they will look carefully at what is happening and probably leave it alone for a bit. Any changes or additions must be done very slowly, very cautiously. I feel like my hands are bound, my neck in a noose, and I am forced to balance on a four-legged chair with one of the legs gone. Could be worse, it could have been a three-legged stool with only two legs left, I suppose. Laugh, damn you.
I take Sam in this afternoon. I may ask if my friend wants to go shooting today, and pick him up on the way to bringing Sam home. A shower, shave, and getting dressed are in order. I have enough clean clothes, but sorely need to wash some socks. I don't know what of that will be done by the time I go, but there is the game plan. At least, so far, today is better. If nothing else, my ribs don't hurt and my breathing seems a little smoother, so far. And so far, no waves of nausea, fever, or general feeling of being sick have swept through... so far.
As bad as that sounds, I should remind you, that is all good news, spoken by the tongue of a pessimist. Now for the bad news. Laugh, damn you!
Have a great day.
.
I was able to sleep my eight hours. I picked up another two hours, after waking at eight hours of sleep, with a little effort. Why push for extra sleep? As I have said, like dehydration, deficits can be compensated but only over time, a bit at a time. Or, that is how I have found things to work for me. The rest was good, the extra rest was rough but needed as I see things. A little bit of grump time to deal with pains and discomfort this morning and I am, again, in decent shape. We will see if the waves of suffering begin today again. I suspect they will, if perhaps they may be lessening too.
I am taking the full compliment of recommended medications and figuring out how to stay 'wet enough' as well. Two or three 8 ounce glasses of Gatorade, a similar serving or two of milk, a soda or two (of which I can only drink perhaps half, as it is too filling). Further, I have bits of food. Brots, carrots, apples, and peanut butter, for now, see me to several very small meals which I can both tolerate and even almost enjoy. Other than cooking the brots, the rest is easy food. In smaller amounts I do well with food.
I just started the hyzaar (losartan plus hydrochlorothiazide) and standard hydrochlorothiazide. Those I will be taking in the late afternoon (early enough to void a time or two before sleep), with one of my glasses of Gatorade. The rest I take in the morning. The added effects of hydrochlorothiazide really helped to get rid of the extra water that was going into my abdomen, but I think if I took it in the morning with the rest, the effects might be washed out before I try to sleep, leaving me with too much fluid to sleep again.
Why do I call it the perfect storm then? Because, right at this time, I have food, I have the fluids I need, and I have a decent supply of medication. All of these things are difficult for me to both obtain and keep on tap. Like it or not, and in truth, my life is difficult to maintain without needing to keep dozens of things available. I fear falling in any of those areas. Shopping is still a struggle, maintaining focus to both realize I am low on a particular need and then seeing through to a timely purchase or reordering is difficult. And, I have finally realized I am crippled, it isn't choice so much as loss of function (which no medicine other than Ritalin has helped overcome to date). So, yes, I am afraid. Part of my unwillingness to go on medicines hinges on this fear, knowledge, understanding.
I will continue this as well and as long as I can. So far my blood pressure and pulse have not budged, other than diastolic going up to as high as 140 every third reading or so. Still, I have a few weeks before I go to cardiology. If I can maintain some focus, begin to get on some things, I might begin looking at the things D.C. and Jean have suggested in the way of more natural bp curatives. I will have to be very careful, however, regarding interactions, with as many medicines as I am taking.
But, there it is. I am riding the medicine bike, for now. I can't say how long, beside keeping the gravy trains moving, I can stay on the stuff. Often it takes a couple weeks to a month before my disability kicks in, enhanced by medicine, and goes into blackout conditions on this type of stuff. If they are wise, they will look carefully at what is happening and probably leave it alone for a bit. Any changes or additions must be done very slowly, very cautiously. I feel like my hands are bound, my neck in a noose, and I am forced to balance on a four-legged chair with one of the legs gone. Could be worse, it could have been a three-legged stool with only two legs left, I suppose. Laugh, damn you.
I take Sam in this afternoon. I may ask if my friend wants to go shooting today, and pick him up on the way to bringing Sam home. A shower, shave, and getting dressed are in order. I have enough clean clothes, but sorely need to wash some socks. I don't know what of that will be done by the time I go, but there is the game plan. At least, so far, today is better. If nothing else, my ribs don't hurt and my breathing seems a little smoother, so far. And so far, no waves of nausea, fever, or general feeling of being sick have swept through... so far.
As bad as that sounds, I should remind you, that is all good news, spoken by the tongue of a pessimist. Now for the bad news. Laugh, damn you!
Have a great day.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
In the news.
.
.
What I wrote a bit ago, about the economy, people trying to find anything which makes money but in truth often just hoping not to lose it, and the rest, seems to be borne out by this article. Not that some news reporter can be believed of and by themself, but when the evidence is in the article, and apart from it, the story is much easier to believe. Beside the housing crisis, the unemployment numbers, the national debt, and the other headliners is the notion that hospitals are running out of many medications. I believe it was something like 211 drugs, including injectibles used to treat heart attacks. Not only does this show an failing industry, it also show what happens when the world demands generics and threatens to steal the patents if they can't get a generic form for free. I do love how the left is always "surprised".
And this Weinergate thing is just ludicrous. First, he is a Democrat. Not only is this allowed in his party, assuming he did do it (which I do), it is actually supported activity. As long as you bring back the bacon to those that you owe, you could probably crucify Christ and make out swell in that party. I think the only reason this story has legs is because Weiner panicked and everyone loves seeing a deer in the headlights, so long as they have a zero deductible, they love deer meat and can tag the thing after hitting it, or they are watching from the sidelines with no skin in the game. At least one Kennedy was directly involved with the death of a woman and walked on to flourish in that party. Others have been caught having homosexual affairs with children and kept their seats. This guy's only real problem is if the media intensity becomes too much for his wife's ego. She probably knows what he is. I mean, with a name like that?
Well, I have started the "new medicines". Both of them actually contain hydrochlorothiazide. One is that pure and simple, the other is that mixed with losartan. Extra water pills might help. I am a bit hungry and a bit tired. A meal, a little time previewing the stupid tube, and hopefully I can rest. Oh, by the way, the fellow I emailed regarding the chronograph already responded. Dang but if he doesn't sound as picky, whiny, and annoying about the small details as I am. Now me, I like that, so long as I don't have to be around it all day. Ruh-rho! Ah well. And, no, I'm not like this all the time. Just lately I think. Or... about just about any product I have ever bought. So much cheap junk on the market, it's difficult to believe. In any case, it sounds like that might be the right chronograph.
Ciao.
.
What I wrote a bit ago, about the economy, people trying to find anything which makes money but in truth often just hoping not to lose it, and the rest, seems to be borne out by this article. Not that some news reporter can be believed of and by themself, but when the evidence is in the article, and apart from it, the story is much easier to believe. Beside the housing crisis, the unemployment numbers, the national debt, and the other headliners is the notion that hospitals are running out of many medications. I believe it was something like 211 drugs, including injectibles used to treat heart attacks. Not only does this show an failing industry, it also show what happens when the world demands generics and threatens to steal the patents if they can't get a generic form for free. I do love how the left is always "surprised".
And this Weinergate thing is just ludicrous. First, he is a Democrat. Not only is this allowed in his party, assuming he did do it (which I do), it is actually supported activity. As long as you bring back the bacon to those that you owe, you could probably crucify Christ and make out swell in that party. I think the only reason this story has legs is because Weiner panicked and everyone loves seeing a deer in the headlights, so long as they have a zero deductible, they love deer meat and can tag the thing after hitting it, or they are watching from the sidelines with no skin in the game. At least one Kennedy was directly involved with the death of a woman and walked on to flourish in that party. Others have been caught having homosexual affairs with children and kept their seats. This guy's only real problem is if the media intensity becomes too much for his wife's ego. She probably knows what he is. I mean, with a name like that?
Well, I have started the "new medicines". Both of them actually contain hydrochlorothiazide. One is that pure and simple, the other is that mixed with losartan. Extra water pills might help. I am a bit hungry and a bit tired. A meal, a little time previewing the stupid tube, and hopefully I can rest. Oh, by the way, the fellow I emailed regarding the chronograph already responded. Dang but if he doesn't sound as picky, whiny, and annoying about the small details as I am. Now me, I like that, so long as I don't have to be around it all day. Ruh-rho! Ah well. And, no, I'm not like this all the time. Just lately I think. Or... about just about any product I have ever bought. So much cheap junk on the market, it's difficult to believe. In any case, it sounds like that might be the right chronograph.
Ciao.
Okay, a few things if not the things on my mind.
.
.
The waves of illness make getting much done a bit difficult. As I get set to do something, a wave will crash over me like when I have had the flu before. In time it eases and goes, but the moments of sweat and pain and nausea leave my intent broken and I lose track of what I was doing or about to do. What ends up being tended is as random as it is light.
I set up an appointment for Sam tomorrow. She and the vet have had a meeting fated for some time. The time is here. I also placed an order from Cabela's. The last of a Christmas present and a shooting stool. Oh I know, the stool might be silly. But with my friend having foot problems and me having breathing problems, if we want to go shooting for more than fifteen minutes, for now, this with the other one will help. I also did a bit of research on chronographs. I was looking for one that both had good reviews and if shot would be relatively inexpensive to fix. With most a complete replacement is necessary. I found the one I think I would like to buy. I found a non-shill type of review, but the review was incomplete. So I emailed the blogger to ask for more information.
The last thing to be done, so far, was speaking with a nurse from my clinic. It seems taking extra furosemide (water pill) is a bad idea. Playing with fire or something, though that was probably not the best way to describe a bad thing to a curious minded man. I asked her about some other things as well. She remained rather vague so I got a bit more specific. What, I asked, should I do with my torso now filling with fluid as well, if I am not to increase the water pill? She actually told me, in that situation, to go on into the ER. She even suggested that if my tongue and lips begin to blister, going into the ER is reasonable. It is a long drive but what else is there? This means, of course, I may be back into the ER shortly.
Oh, right, she asked what medicines I am taking. I ran down the list. She asked why I wasn't taking the hydrochlorothiazide and losartan. Well, I suggested that these had merely arrived in the mail with no information. No one had spoken to me about those, even when I was in the clinic last time, and that I thought they must be a mistake, especially since I am already taking a water pill. Ah, she said. The doctor had not indicated that she call me. Well, that was cleared up. I told her I would try these. I forgot to ask her if these symptoms, a bit from the illness and a bit from the medicine, would ever clear up or if this is as good as it gets. She might not know and even if she did probably would not have discussed it. While drowning in spittle is not fun, I am pretty sure it will lead to a heart attack and rather soon. A few months at most. I would much rather die than suffer like I currently am but then live for forty years this way. I have limits.
I also asked if a home health caregiver would be something the V.A. might provide. She at first said absolutely not, since I am not technically totally house-bound. I can, technically, go shopping. I can drive. No. Then she suggested that she would speak with the doctor to see if the doctor or case worker could or would put in for that in any case. So, maybe. Just to have some one pick up around the edges, even for a short term, would make life just a bit smoother. It's the little things, if those little things have grown into monsters.
Still, I will try to keep up the medicines. With the official availability of the ER, I can go a bit farther. And with cardiology just a little under two weeks away, perhaps I can hold on. If I get some help with the dishes and the lawn, that will clear some of my personal stress, open the way to a bit more nourishment potentially, and help me level out in a more social or civil way. A few things at a time.
Later.
.
The waves of illness make getting much done a bit difficult. As I get set to do something, a wave will crash over me like when I have had the flu before. In time it eases and goes, but the moments of sweat and pain and nausea leave my intent broken and I lose track of what I was doing or about to do. What ends up being tended is as random as it is light.
I set up an appointment for Sam tomorrow. She and the vet have had a meeting fated for some time. The time is here. I also placed an order from Cabela's. The last of a Christmas present and a shooting stool. Oh I know, the stool might be silly. But with my friend having foot problems and me having breathing problems, if we want to go shooting for more than fifteen minutes, for now, this with the other one will help. I also did a bit of research on chronographs. I was looking for one that both had good reviews and if shot would be relatively inexpensive to fix. With most a complete replacement is necessary. I found the one I think I would like to buy. I found a non-shill type of review, but the review was incomplete. So I emailed the blogger to ask for more information.
The last thing to be done, so far, was speaking with a nurse from my clinic. It seems taking extra furosemide (water pill) is a bad idea. Playing with fire or something, though that was probably not the best way to describe a bad thing to a curious minded man. I asked her about some other things as well. She remained rather vague so I got a bit more specific. What, I asked, should I do with my torso now filling with fluid as well, if I am not to increase the water pill? She actually told me, in that situation, to go on into the ER. She even suggested that if my tongue and lips begin to blister, going into the ER is reasonable. It is a long drive but what else is there? This means, of course, I may be back into the ER shortly.
Oh, right, she asked what medicines I am taking. I ran down the list. She asked why I wasn't taking the hydrochlorothiazide and losartan. Well, I suggested that these had merely arrived in the mail with no information. No one had spoken to me about those, even when I was in the clinic last time, and that I thought they must be a mistake, especially since I am already taking a water pill. Ah, she said. The doctor had not indicated that she call me. Well, that was cleared up. I told her I would try these. I forgot to ask her if these symptoms, a bit from the illness and a bit from the medicine, would ever clear up or if this is as good as it gets. She might not know and even if she did probably would not have discussed it. While drowning in spittle is not fun, I am pretty sure it will lead to a heart attack and rather soon. A few months at most. I would much rather die than suffer like I currently am but then live for forty years this way. I have limits.
I also asked if a home health caregiver would be something the V.A. might provide. She at first said absolutely not, since I am not technically totally house-bound. I can, technically, go shopping. I can drive. No. Then she suggested that she would speak with the doctor to see if the doctor or case worker could or would put in for that in any case. So, maybe. Just to have some one pick up around the edges, even for a short term, would make life just a bit smoother. It's the little things, if those little things have grown into monsters.
Still, I will try to keep up the medicines. With the official availability of the ER, I can go a bit farther. And with cardiology just a little under two weeks away, perhaps I can hold on. If I get some help with the dishes and the lawn, that will clear some of my personal stress, open the way to a bit more nourishment potentially, and help me level out in a more social or civil way. A few things at a time.
Later.
Truly green about the gills.
.
.
My stomach is still a bit swollen. I am running an off and on fever. I have a general sense of illness, with waves of mild nausea. My breathing is easier, though occasionally I simply lose and can't immediately catch my breath and any activity will see me becoming less and less able to breathe until I am required to sit a bit due to choking out and waves of feverishness. This stuff makes it difficult to decide to take the medications, but I do, so far. I take the hard pills with a cocktail of Gatorade, powdered potassium, water, and ice. The drink is so filling that even at only 6 to 8 ounces it takes an hour to finish that off. With the Gatorade I can't taste the powdered potassium, but the mass of the volume is noticeably increased.
In spite of all that, this is as good as I have felt in... a while. My memory stinks, so a week or three or several months all blur. That, though slightly worse than most of my life here in Utah, is actually an improvement over life in Iowa and definitely better than any time I have tried "successful" high blood pressure medicine. I do have some memory and some time scale within which to work. And, actually, I have been making appointments well. At least recently and mostly.
So, today I will be taking a shower shortly. I will try to get a daily shower on days like this. The hope is to be ready should I hit upon a moment where getting to town and shopping seems reasonable. Once out of the house, even if I end up going downhill fast, I do get a few things done. A Sam's Club membership and various other shopping is a dire need. The brots will last a few days, but after that? My cupboards are rather bare. No, they are almost truly empty. Just getting out of the house is a good thing, all by itself.
I will also be trying to contact someone to talk to at my clinic. I need to know how much room I have to work with adding to the water pill dose, how to mitigate the nausea and fever washes, if these and other symptoms are just the way of things that I need to get used to from now on, and whether my hydration is going the right way. I simply feel like I have been left to luck through things, and really... that's too much. I neither have the skills and knowledge to know nor the fortitude and trust to simply "do". I know just enough to not know AND not enough to know better. Or, something like that.
If I don't make it to town, a shower might encourage me to some of my home care needs. While I have done some laundry, I need to do more. And, of course, dishes. Doing a load once in a while feels good as much as I hate the chore. Vacuuming is sorely needed, as is a general clear and clean. At least I am feeling well enough, within the givens, to actually begin formulating a way out of the malaise and lost ability to focus. I have a world to beat, if I could just... get... up! I am hoping showers will help.
Have a great day.
.
My stomach is still a bit swollen. I am running an off and on fever. I have a general sense of illness, with waves of mild nausea. My breathing is easier, though occasionally I simply lose and can't immediately catch my breath and any activity will see me becoming less and less able to breathe until I am required to sit a bit due to choking out and waves of feverishness. This stuff makes it difficult to decide to take the medications, but I do, so far. I take the hard pills with a cocktail of Gatorade, powdered potassium, water, and ice. The drink is so filling that even at only 6 to 8 ounces it takes an hour to finish that off. With the Gatorade I can't taste the powdered potassium, but the mass of the volume is noticeably increased.
In spite of all that, this is as good as I have felt in... a while. My memory stinks, so a week or three or several months all blur. That, though slightly worse than most of my life here in Utah, is actually an improvement over life in Iowa and definitely better than any time I have tried "successful" high blood pressure medicine. I do have some memory and some time scale within which to work. And, actually, I have been making appointments well. At least recently and mostly.
So, today I will be taking a shower shortly. I will try to get a daily shower on days like this. The hope is to be ready should I hit upon a moment where getting to town and shopping seems reasonable. Once out of the house, even if I end up going downhill fast, I do get a few things done. A Sam's Club membership and various other shopping is a dire need. The brots will last a few days, but after that? My cupboards are rather bare. No, they are almost truly empty. Just getting out of the house is a good thing, all by itself.
I will also be trying to contact someone to talk to at my clinic. I need to know how much room I have to work with adding to the water pill dose, how to mitigate the nausea and fever washes, if these and other symptoms are just the way of things that I need to get used to from now on, and whether my hydration is going the right way. I simply feel like I have been left to luck through things, and really... that's too much. I neither have the skills and knowledge to know nor the fortitude and trust to simply "do". I know just enough to not know AND not enough to know better. Or, something like that.
If I don't make it to town, a shower might encourage me to some of my home care needs. While I have done some laundry, I need to do more. And, of course, dishes. Doing a load once in a while feels good as much as I hate the chore. Vacuuming is sorely needed, as is a general clear and clean. At least I am feeling well enough, within the givens, to actually begin formulating a way out of the malaise and lost ability to focus. I have a world to beat, if I could just... get... up! I am hoping showers will help.
Have a great day.
I should have known?
.
.
Sleep, that wonderful phenomena which allows things to be recharged, reset, or whatever really happens during those phases came, finally, last night. I think I got about eight hours. I was hoping for more if I doubted I would actually sleep that long. Though eight hours is my standard goal, with the lack of sleep for the most part for the last week or more, a little more would have been nice. You can actually catch up on sleep, but over time. An hour here, a couple hours there. Much like rehydrating after a deficit, it takes time. I definitely don't feel extremely rested if too the sleep itself was rather pleasant.
What I might have been expected to know, or not, is the trick to finally getting to sleep was to take another water pill. I am set to take 60 mg of furosemide (the water pill). I initially tried to take 40 mg, then 20 mg later, to try and mitigate dehydration but that isn't very effective. So I changed to 60 mg in a single dose. While more effective, that was taken in the morning. All during the day I am fighting dehydration, so by necessity filling with fluids. Out of desperation from a day and a half of no sleep, a sore middle section, and difficulty breathing, I added a 40 mg dose of furosemide and a handful of Tylenol toward the end. It almost seems like a no-brainer. Until you begin to realize how nasty this stuff is, that I am taking large doses of potassium currently and that the diuretic might spike potassium in the opposite direction. This stuff is nothing to mess with. I did mention desperation, right? But it seems to have worked, or well enough, or just enough along with the exhaustion. The question is, do I raise my dosage, on my own, by two thirds of my original dosage and do that regularly?
I am ignoring politics, for the most part. As I see it we have RINOs on the run, feminists chasing them, with at least one Obama wannabe in the mix. Media, of all sorts, have their darlings, none of them conservative. FOX would pound it for a frog if they thought... Well, I am not sure they do think. As for internet folk? They are mostly slightly left of center on over to leftheads. Most truly aren't close to being conservative, don't know conservatives. Knowing only hard left people does not make your marginally left ideals conservative, but they simply don't know that. Unless there is a miracle, I can't see myself voting for president. And Christie, for example, ain't it. Oh well.
A few news pieces that caught my eye, made me chuckle or positively feed my negativism, and perhaps a few comments on each is next. I have been pulling this to my "use" folder, but have been in such bad shape, remembering to use them, figuring that all out, and just doing it has not happened.
Something about a black bikers weekend. I don't think this is exactly Sturgis for da bros, either. I could be wrong, but...
This next just baffles me. When I was a kid in poor white towns across the Mid-West, we knew nothing of government assistance in getting us off our asses. Somewhere between our parents wanting us out of the house, our imagination, swimming holes because there were no official swimming pools and they were expensive (to my family anyway), and other factors, we went and did. We were expected to work, at least enough to help pay or fully pay for our own clothing (and it wasn't an issue). Walking beans, picking rocks from farmer's fields, short stopgap things. We got some of the money, some of it went to clothes, that was just the way of it. Government programs? Really? It must be a minority thing that has grown to become the status quo for everybody. A race to the bottom with minorities being used as the bar at which to aim I guess.
This next is just for some people. But all can point and laugh. It seems intelligent folk have peculiarities which tend to be negative. While I agree with most of the assessments to a degree, I believe the explanations of the downside and the situations themselves... were written by the not-so-bright. If I had to guess, I would say a scientist got together with a statistician. Scientists are very good at separating phenomena for evaluation, then they fumble causation like a crack addict fumbles his rocks. Doh! For example, the reason genes are less likely to be passed on is because "bright people", especially in the secular world in which we live, have figured out how to get honey while avoiding the bees (babies, wife, duty, the expenses, pains, or perceived negatives in a secular world view). With some considerations, a stronger will to get only so much, a little dab will do ya. I think I am bright and I am almost sure I have visited more flowers than the average bee. That's all I'm saying on that.
Well, enough of that. Back to me. I still... Blah, blah, blah, and a couple more blahs. Shu-hush. The really sick get some sort of pass on being self-centered for a bit, I hope. Of course, it is about time I figure out how to get unsick. This is getting old even for me. Later. Have a great day. And remember, if you can't laugh at yourself... pick someone else. Like shooting fish in a barrel, I say, I say.
.
Sleep, that wonderful phenomena which allows things to be recharged, reset, or whatever really happens during those phases came, finally, last night. I think I got about eight hours. I was hoping for more if I doubted I would actually sleep that long. Though eight hours is my standard goal, with the lack of sleep for the most part for the last week or more, a little more would have been nice. You can actually catch up on sleep, but over time. An hour here, a couple hours there. Much like rehydrating after a deficit, it takes time. I definitely don't feel extremely rested if too the sleep itself was rather pleasant.
What I might have been expected to know, or not, is the trick to finally getting to sleep was to take another water pill. I am set to take 60 mg of furosemide (the water pill). I initially tried to take 40 mg, then 20 mg later, to try and mitigate dehydration but that isn't very effective. So I changed to 60 mg in a single dose. While more effective, that was taken in the morning. All during the day I am fighting dehydration, so by necessity filling with fluids. Out of desperation from a day and a half of no sleep, a sore middle section, and difficulty breathing, I added a 40 mg dose of furosemide and a handful of Tylenol toward the end. It almost seems like a no-brainer. Until you begin to realize how nasty this stuff is, that I am taking large doses of potassium currently and that the diuretic might spike potassium in the opposite direction. This stuff is nothing to mess with. I did mention desperation, right? But it seems to have worked, or well enough, or just enough along with the exhaustion. The question is, do I raise my dosage, on my own, by two thirds of my original dosage and do that regularly?
I am ignoring politics, for the most part. As I see it we have RINOs on the run, feminists chasing them, with at least one Obama wannabe in the mix. Media, of all sorts, have their darlings, none of them conservative. FOX would pound it for a frog if they thought... Well, I am not sure they do think. As for internet folk? They are mostly slightly left of center on over to leftheads. Most truly aren't close to being conservative, don't know conservatives. Knowing only hard left people does not make your marginally left ideals conservative, but they simply don't know that. Unless there is a miracle, I can't see myself voting for president. And Christie, for example, ain't it. Oh well.
A few news pieces that caught my eye, made me chuckle or positively feed my negativism, and perhaps a few comments on each is next. I have been pulling this to my "use" folder, but have been in such bad shape, remembering to use them, figuring that all out, and just doing it has not happened.
Something about a black bikers weekend. I don't think this is exactly Sturgis for da bros, either. I could be wrong, but...
MYRTLE BEACH, SC (WMBF) - During this busy Memorial Day weekend on the Grand Strand, police have seen a number of crime reports coming in.Everywhere and always, but like the continuing unemployment (and the real numbers on that), the price of gas, and the continued devaluation of the housing market, this is always... unexpected!
This next just baffles me. When I was a kid in poor white towns across the Mid-West, we knew nothing of government assistance in getting us off our asses. Somewhere between our parents wanting us out of the house, our imagination, swimming holes because there were no official swimming pools and they were expensive (to my family anyway), and other factors, we went and did. We were expected to work, at least enough to help pay or fully pay for our own clothing (and it wasn't an issue). Walking beans, picking rocks from farmer's fields, short stopgap things. We got some of the money, some of it went to clothes, that was just the way of it. Government programs? Really? It must be a minority thing that has grown to become the status quo for everybody. A race to the bottom with minorities being used as the bar at which to aim I guess.
This next is just for some people. But all can point and laugh. It seems intelligent folk have peculiarities which tend to be negative. While I agree with most of the assessments to a degree, I believe the explanations of the downside and the situations themselves... were written by the not-so-bright. If I had to guess, I would say a scientist got together with a statistician. Scientists are very good at separating phenomena for evaluation, then they fumble causation like a crack addict fumbles his rocks. Doh! For example, the reason genes are less likely to be passed on is because "bright people", especially in the secular world in which we live, have figured out how to get honey while avoiding the bees (babies, wife, duty, the expenses, pains, or perceived negatives in a secular world view). With some considerations, a stronger will to get only so much, a little dab will do ya. I think I am bright and I am almost sure I have visited more flowers than the average bee. That's all I'm saying on that.
Well, enough of that. Back to me. I still... Blah, blah, blah, and a couple more blahs. Shu-hush. The really sick get some sort of pass on being self-centered for a bit, I hope. Of course, it is about time I figure out how to get unsick. This is getting old even for me. Later. Have a great day. And remember, if you can't laugh at yourself... pick someone else. Like shooting fish in a barrel, I say, I say.
Green around the gills.
.
.
I tried to sleep earlier but could not get comfortable. After a couple of hours down, and a good deal of pain, I just got back up. So tired. So very tired. I decided to cook the brots. Everything takes so much longer when sleep is needed. It took a couple of hours of thinking about it to simply light the grill, let it heat up, and plop the brots down. Such a simple task. Without sleep doing anything is like trying to drive while inebriated. I overdid them just a bit, but they were still quite good. A hot meal is always good.
My mother called to let my know my brother made it out of surgery in good shape. While talking with her, he suggested that his side hurt. I had to laugh, and explained that I wasn't laughing at him, more about him. Which was fine, she had chuckled about it too, while talking with him. Sometimes I can't tell if my... reactions, notions, words, are too harsh, too soft, or reasonable. She will be checking on me a bit more. She wanted to know what, if anything, I had figured out today. It was good to let her know about my various phone calls and at least that one appointment. That seemed to ease her mind to know I am trying.
Sassy is acting really odd. I am not sure what that is all about. Perhaps as the weather has warmed the bats are moving around in the walls. Perhaps it is merely the warm weather. It could also be my recent inability to be as attentive as usual. That and I have not let the girls in to sleep with me in a very long time. Since I have to constantly be rolling and adjusting pillows I simply cannot welcome their company. I miss that though, a great deal.
It seems my lungs are not the only things which are swelling. My midsection is too. I had not realized that was something that could also flood with fluid. A little more reading about heart failure led me to the notion. That explains some of the panting and lack of thirst and hunger. It is also the primary reason I can't sleep, as I think about it. Remember when I suggested that it felt like my abdomen had been used as a punching bag? That is why. The lungs, though, are still full, which doesn't help. But I think the sore ribs, as the pain is expanding, is the primary reason I can't get comfortable. I am going to take a handful of Tylenol, wait an half hour, and then try to sleep again. I am so tired my eyes keep trying to cross and my head does the whiplash jerk every so often.
Good night, I hope.
.
I tried to sleep earlier but could not get comfortable. After a couple of hours down, and a good deal of pain, I just got back up. So tired. So very tired. I decided to cook the brots. Everything takes so much longer when sleep is needed. It took a couple of hours of thinking about it to simply light the grill, let it heat up, and plop the brots down. Such a simple task. Without sleep doing anything is like trying to drive while inebriated. I overdid them just a bit, but they were still quite good. A hot meal is always good.
My mother called to let my know my brother made it out of surgery in good shape. While talking with her, he suggested that his side hurt. I had to laugh, and explained that I wasn't laughing at him, more about him. Which was fine, she had chuckled about it too, while talking with him. Sometimes I can't tell if my... reactions, notions, words, are too harsh, too soft, or reasonable. She will be checking on me a bit more. She wanted to know what, if anything, I had figured out today. It was good to let her know about my various phone calls and at least that one appointment. That seemed to ease her mind to know I am trying.
Sassy is acting really odd. I am not sure what that is all about. Perhaps as the weather has warmed the bats are moving around in the walls. Perhaps it is merely the warm weather. It could also be my recent inability to be as attentive as usual. That and I have not let the girls in to sleep with me in a very long time. Since I have to constantly be rolling and adjusting pillows I simply cannot welcome their company. I miss that though, a great deal.
It seems my lungs are not the only things which are swelling. My midsection is too. I had not realized that was something that could also flood with fluid. A little more reading about heart failure led me to the notion. That explains some of the panting and lack of thirst and hunger. It is also the primary reason I can't sleep, as I think about it. Remember when I suggested that it felt like my abdomen had been used as a punching bag? That is why. The lungs, though, are still full, which doesn't help. But I think the sore ribs, as the pain is expanding, is the primary reason I can't get comfortable. I am going to take a handful of Tylenol, wait an half hour, and then try to sleep again. I am so tired my eyes keep trying to cross and my head does the whiplash jerk every so often.
Good night, I hope.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Still awake.
.
.
And still I can't sleep. The last time I slept was a nap yesterday in the early afternoon, for an hour. Before that, I slept well the preceding night. But before that I could not sleep well for a week. I have the rales, my chest is full of fluid, in spite of the flush in the ER and going back on my medicine. I am hydrating a bit more, but I have no choice. Trying to cut a balance between drinking enough and allowing the water pill to work, I am constantly on the verge of a blistering tongue. Up 29 hours with little hope of sleep until I collapse as well.
I called the clinic until I could talk to someone. She seemed curt. I was transferred to a nurse. I only got her answering service. I did leave a very specific message. This isn't going well. I will try again tomorrow.
.
And still I can't sleep. The last time I slept was a nap yesterday in the early afternoon, for an hour. Before that, I slept well the preceding night. But before that I could not sleep well for a week. I have the rales, my chest is full of fluid, in spite of the flush in the ER and going back on my medicine. I am hydrating a bit more, but I have no choice. Trying to cut a balance between drinking enough and allowing the water pill to work, I am constantly on the verge of a blistering tongue. Up 29 hours with little hope of sleep until I collapse as well.
I called the clinic until I could talk to someone. She seemed curt. I was transferred to a nurse. I only got her answering service. I did leave a very specific message. This isn't going well. I will try again tomorrow.
A fresh breathe.
.
.
No, nothing has improved. My mother called. She offered motivation and suggested I move aggressively. That was the push I needed. That and the fact that I can't get to sleep yet. I called both my clinic and cardiology. My clinic has been called last week and today. Last time I was routed to a message service for the case manager of my treatment team. This time I wasn't even sent there, just put immediately to a general message service for the clinic. The calls to cardiology were similar. Last week I left one or two messages at the cardiology clinic itself, after learning their specific number and calling them directly. This time my call was routed away from cardiology and back to general admissions with a 10 minute wait. I think they are avoiding me. I didn't wait because I know from previous calls that appointments have to be set up by speaking to someone in the cardiology clinic itself, which is how I learned their direct line number. I wish I had another phone through which to call them and check that.
There is not a lot else I can do. If this continues, my mother suggested driving to their ER, again, and insisting on admittance. Of course, that means taking Sam and Sassy to a place for boarding. While I could put enough feed and water for them for a few days, more than that would be more of a risk than I would care to take. Sassy has some issues with the water dispenser. The gurgling sound as water enters the bowl after drinking peaks her curiosity so that she knocks the thing over. That is a last resort, in any case. Beyond, I am almost certain they would not take me in. I am considered a problem case. To be honest, they should have taken me in already and long ago.
I don't really care about some treatment options, they aren't open to me. However, I would at least like to see a cause of the congestive heart failure, find out how serious this is, if it is terminal find some relief to my symptoms and begin making plans, or whatever else I can find out. At this point everything is still quite up in the air and I don't have a follow-up appointment until the 29th. I won't last on the diuretics that long. And, as I said, after reviewing Lisex, I realize that going off that treatment is exactly what I should have done.
What would you do? Remember, you have almost no energy. You can't always think straight and have to plan trips around lack of sleep. No one can drive you if you have a more serious complication. And the medical field seems rather put-off or disinterested. Well, other than pray you don't one day end up on Obamacare too?
Update: After some robo-calling, I finally got through to the cardiology clinic to schedule an appointment. The soonest they could see me was the 13th. I asked if they could put me on a call list as well, in case they had an appointment cancellation. I can only be on one list, an appointment or call-up. I chose the appointment. I also called my primary clinic several times. After listening to the message a few times I realize there has been a change in staffing, which is why I had thought I was being sent to general messaging. It might explain why I didn't receive a call back. So, this last time, I left a message, again. I would love to sleep but a) I can't and b) I need to stay up until at least 16:00 in case I receive a call back.
.
No, nothing has improved. My mother called. She offered motivation and suggested I move aggressively. That was the push I needed. That and the fact that I can't get to sleep yet. I called both my clinic and cardiology. My clinic has been called last week and today. Last time I was routed to a message service for the case manager of my treatment team. This time I wasn't even sent there, just put immediately to a general message service for the clinic. The calls to cardiology were similar. Last week I left one or two messages at the cardiology clinic itself, after learning their specific number and calling them directly. This time my call was routed away from cardiology and back to general admissions with a 10 minute wait. I think they are avoiding me. I didn't wait because I know from previous calls that appointments have to be set up by speaking to someone in the cardiology clinic itself, which is how I learned their direct line number. I wish I had another phone through which to call them and check that.
There is not a lot else I can do. If this continues, my mother suggested driving to their ER, again, and insisting on admittance. Of course, that means taking Sam and Sassy to a place for boarding. While I could put enough feed and water for them for a few days, more than that would be more of a risk than I would care to take. Sassy has some issues with the water dispenser. The gurgling sound as water enters the bowl after drinking peaks her curiosity so that she knocks the thing over. That is a last resort, in any case. Beyond, I am almost certain they would not take me in. I am considered a problem case. To be honest, they should have taken me in already and long ago.
I don't really care about some treatment options, they aren't open to me. However, I would at least like to see a cause of the congestive heart failure, find out how serious this is, if it is terminal find some relief to my symptoms and begin making plans, or whatever else I can find out. At this point everything is still quite up in the air and I don't have a follow-up appointment until the 29th. I won't last on the diuretics that long. And, as I said, after reviewing Lisex, I realize that going off that treatment is exactly what I should have done.
What would you do? Remember, you have almost no energy. You can't always think straight and have to plan trips around lack of sleep. No one can drive you if you have a more serious complication. And the medical field seems rather put-off or disinterested. Well, other than pray you don't one day end up on Obamacare too?
Update: After some robo-calling, I finally got through to the cardiology clinic to schedule an appointment. The soonest they could see me was the 13th. I asked if they could put me on a call list as well, in case they had an appointment cancellation. I can only be on one list, an appointment or call-up. I chose the appointment. I also called my primary clinic several times. After listening to the message a few times I realize there has been a change in staffing, which is why I had thought I was being sent to general messaging. It might explain why I didn't receive a call back. So, this last time, I left a message, again. I would love to sleep but a) I can't and b) I need to stay up until at least 16:00 in case I receive a call back.
What to do?
.
.
I could not sleep last night. I could not find a comfortable position. Tired as I was and remain, five hours trying to find a position in which I would not pant was impossible. Sitting up seems okay, back to where I was a week ago. But palpitations and panting and pain is all I find reclining. I need sleep so badly.
I am back on the water pill, I am taking carvedilol, I am taking potassium, I am drinking Gatorade, and it simply is not sustainable. I would like to call today, to my clinic and cardiology but in my condition it might not happen. I need to be able to communicate by voice, I need to be able to think straight, and right now I can't. As well, now, I am having loose stools. I would guess that is from adding in the potassium. None of the other medicines have done that and D.C. suggested calcium might. I will continue taking this stuff until I can talk to someone. Oh, fluid voiding has dropped to a trickle and has become extremely yellow, verging on yellow-red. What a mess.
I can't remember if I mentioned this, but the missionaries visited yesterday. I asked if they might know anyone who might do a bit of house and yard care for a reasonable fee. I don't have a ton of money but I have enough that I can't really consider charity work. Well, we will see. At $100 an hour, charity would have to become a part of it! Mowing even twice a month and dishes once or twice a week might see to me being able to eat a bit better and feel more comfortable as a social being. Feeling to bad to work on the lawn and yet having a sense that I need to tend it just ends in frustration.
Well, enough about that. I am going to try and sleep again. I am hoping to do some grilling today. A couple of packages of brots ought to see me good for a few days at least. Later and hopefully, good night.
.
I could not sleep last night. I could not find a comfortable position. Tired as I was and remain, five hours trying to find a position in which I would not pant was impossible. Sitting up seems okay, back to where I was a week ago. But palpitations and panting and pain is all I find reclining. I need sleep so badly.
I am back on the water pill, I am taking carvedilol, I am taking potassium, I am drinking Gatorade, and it simply is not sustainable. I would like to call today, to my clinic and cardiology but in my condition it might not happen. I need to be able to communicate by voice, I need to be able to think straight, and right now I can't. As well, now, I am having loose stools. I would guess that is from adding in the potassium. None of the other medicines have done that and D.C. suggested calcium might. I will continue taking this stuff until I can talk to someone. Oh, fluid voiding has dropped to a trickle and has become extremely yellow, verging on yellow-red. What a mess.
I can't remember if I mentioned this, but the missionaries visited yesterday. I asked if they might know anyone who might do a bit of house and yard care for a reasonable fee. I don't have a ton of money but I have enough that I can't really consider charity work. Well, we will see. At $100 an hour, charity would have to become a part of it! Mowing even twice a month and dishes once or twice a week might see to me being able to eat a bit better and feel more comfortable as a social being. Feeling to bad to work on the lawn and yet having a sense that I need to tend it just ends in frustration.
Well, enough about that. I am going to try and sleep again. I am hoping to do some grilling today. A couple of packages of brots ought to see me good for a few days at least. Later and hopefully, good night.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Already deeply dehydrated.
.
.
Dehydration is already back and in full force. While I have been trying to drink, my ability to consume much in the way of volume is closed to me. I have looked online for advice for prevention while taking loop diuretics, I have so far come up empty. The nap was okay, though I could only sleep an hour. And my stomach feels like it is recovering from having a bowling ball thrown at it a few days ago, again. Breathing is a bit better but my marathon for today is off! I do feel like I am trapped, medicines merely seem to prolong the agony while going off the medicines intensifies the agony without really speeding up the dying process.
A decade and a half ago I would have had a solution. Odd, but the notion doesn't even cross my mind these days. I just limp around and grumble. A little food might help. Brots, bread, milk, mustard, and horseradish should do the trick. I can't get to dishes but I can grill! Probably... soon... maybe...
I suppose I will keep searching. One odd thing I noted, all of my illnesses and pills seem to directly or indirectly add to confusion, disorientation, fatigue, and... the rest of my static problems. It is almost a wonder I can write. Sometimes, at blogs, I can't read so I come back later or just have to skip things. I feel like another nap already, but I will hold off. Besides I know I could not sleep. I need to charge exhaustion up for as much single period sleep as possible, when I can. Definitely going through a brain drain though.
I sure hope someone out there is having a good time! Grilling or cooking, feasting, and enjoying company and family. Knowing that is going on actually is a little cheering. Hmm, brots might happen sooner than not just for that.
.
Dehydration is already back and in full force. While I have been trying to drink, my ability to consume much in the way of volume is closed to me. I have looked online for advice for prevention while taking loop diuretics, I have so far come up empty. The nap was okay, though I could only sleep an hour. And my stomach feels like it is recovering from having a bowling ball thrown at it a few days ago, again. Breathing is a bit better but my marathon for today is off! I do feel like I am trapped, medicines merely seem to prolong the agony while going off the medicines intensifies the agony without really speeding up the dying process.
A decade and a half ago I would have had a solution. Odd, but the notion doesn't even cross my mind these days. I just limp around and grumble. A little food might help. Brots, bread, milk, mustard, and horseradish should do the trick. I can't get to dishes but I can grill! Probably... soon... maybe...
I suppose I will keep searching. One odd thing I noted, all of my illnesses and pills seem to directly or indirectly add to confusion, disorientation, fatigue, and... the rest of my static problems. It is almost a wonder I can write. Sometimes, at blogs, I can't read so I come back later or just have to skip things. I feel like another nap already, but I will hold off. Besides I know I could not sleep. I need to charge exhaustion up for as much single period sleep as possible, when I can. Definitely going through a brain drain though.
I sure hope someone out there is having a good time! Grilling or cooking, feasting, and enjoying company and family. Knowing that is going on actually is a little cheering. Hmm, brots might happen sooner than not just for that.
Better. Still needs work.
.
.
After getting up to an almost normal day, I found the mail I picked up yesterday. The part for the reloading press was in. I figured it was small, and being tired I did not want to open it right away and lose it. I found the part, installed it, and tried the press. It seems to work, after a bit of fussing. I will do more later. I simply wanted to get to something functional.
I am still rather wiped. Breathing has improved but putting three or four tasks together is still taxing. Between continuing to remove fluid and trying to eat a bit, an apple so far, along with regular sleep and maybe some naps to catch up if I can, it will be a few days before the rig is ready to roll again. I did note, however, that some scratches that weren't healing, weren't even scabbing correctly, have started to heal. I can tell by the itch factor and obvious signs of scabbing in a few cases. Living with cats will mean living with scratches. Rare as they are, since they haven't been healing for some time, they have sort of collected here and there. A good sign, a very good sign.
I do think, if I take things slowly, that I will be able to kick out the dishes and laundry in the next few days. Beyond better breathing, concentration is returning. A good nights sleep helps with that as much as anything else, and I got one last night. It is amazing how fast not being able to sleep well will impact mental acuity, concentration, and the rest of it. That is part of why I work so hard to sleep eight hours (and up to ten). Too much sleep, though, can be nearly as detrimental. It is odd how tight our parameters really are, for healthy living. And it is amazing how little can knock me out of that window of health. Just that there amazes me. Men go mad and do end up dead when they can't regulate well. I have learned patience, a bit about temperance, if I am only working on trust.
You know what though? A nap. Yes indeed. I will set the alarm for two hours and I think it will work today. After that, I am hoping to pop a load of laundry in and do one load of dishes. Then look for something to eat. I would also like to call my friend and arrange a shoot-out at the... some place close sometime soon. Oh, and I will be calling the missionaries. I think I will ask if they can help me set up my weights. Light and easy, low and slow, but I feel the need to get back into straight weights again. Empty barbells, dumbells, and curling iron will be a humble start after getting nearly to a 400 bench press and the rest in line with that the last time I started, but... shut up. I suspect it will take me all summer just to get up to spec and begin light loading. Maybe I will surprise myself, but I really won't shove and push, not yet.
Nap time! Have a good day.
.
After getting up to an almost normal day, I found the mail I picked up yesterday. The part for the reloading press was in. I figured it was small, and being tired I did not want to open it right away and lose it. I found the part, installed it, and tried the press. It seems to work, after a bit of fussing. I will do more later. I simply wanted to get to something functional.
I am still rather wiped. Breathing has improved but putting three or four tasks together is still taxing. Between continuing to remove fluid and trying to eat a bit, an apple so far, along with regular sleep and maybe some naps to catch up if I can, it will be a few days before the rig is ready to roll again. I did note, however, that some scratches that weren't healing, weren't even scabbing correctly, have started to heal. I can tell by the itch factor and obvious signs of scabbing in a few cases. Living with cats will mean living with scratches. Rare as they are, since they haven't been healing for some time, they have sort of collected here and there. A good sign, a very good sign.
I do think, if I take things slowly, that I will be able to kick out the dishes and laundry in the next few days. Beyond better breathing, concentration is returning. A good nights sleep helps with that as much as anything else, and I got one last night. It is amazing how fast not being able to sleep well will impact mental acuity, concentration, and the rest of it. That is part of why I work so hard to sleep eight hours (and up to ten). Too much sleep, though, can be nearly as detrimental. It is odd how tight our parameters really are, for healthy living. And it is amazing how little can knock me out of that window of health. Just that there amazes me. Men go mad and do end up dead when they can't regulate well. I have learned patience, a bit about temperance, if I am only working on trust.
You know what though? A nap. Yes indeed. I will set the alarm for two hours and I think it will work today. After that, I am hoping to pop a load of laundry in and do one load of dishes. Then look for something to eat. I would also like to call my friend and arrange a shoot-out at the... some place close sometime soon. Oh, and I will be calling the missionaries. I think I will ask if they can help me set up my weights. Light and easy, low and slow, but I feel the need to get back into straight weights again. Empty barbells, dumbells, and curling iron will be a humble start after getting nearly to a 400 bench press and the rest in line with that the last time I started, but... shut up. I suspect it will take me all summer just to get up to spec and begin light loading. Maybe I will surprise myself, but I really won't shove and push, not yet.
Nap time! Have a good day.
Well, okay.
.
.
I am actually breathing easier this morning. While it isn't perfect it is actually much improved. I slept fairly well, and nearly a full night. My attempts to squeeze a little more shut-eye out of the pillow came to naught. I was able to get up fairly easily and pretty much without chest pain caused by having a chest full of liquid. I didn't have to take it slow or easy, though doing much more than that will still probably require a bit of a light touch until I can get back on my feet, if that actually is possible. I still become a bit short of breath from a combination of light activities. It sure beats having panting attacks just sitting. Since I am going back on a diuretic, I will go back on the heart medicine and potassium. For the first week that is all I am going to try and balance. Toward the end of the week, depending on needs and how Gatorade is working, I may go back on the other supplements. If I am having problems, I may just cut the dose of the diuretic and call someone... if I'm not in too bad of shape to... get right on that.
I was simply too tired after everything yesterday to remember to investigate the term "congestive heart failure". While it has some meaning, some specific qualifiers, it is just as vague as the term "headache". And worse, getting any real grip on the thing is impossible. It seems as if doctors and authors like using terms to their advantage. If they think you are afraid of death, why then the thing is down right terminal if you don't follow their instructions to the letter. If you overreact or balk at death threats, well then the disease merely becomes something you ought to, as a moral condition for living, tend. Like women, I don't even think doctors themselves know the truth anymore.
A visit to cardiology and finding one doctor there or at my primary clinic to lead the treatment and give me a top-down assessment, and then making sure there is follow up so when I can't be compliant and am perhaps too exhausted to be a squeaky wheel I don't just slip away is about all I can try to arrange. Hey, if I can pull another half a life out of these bones, so long as there is some meat with the soup of life juice, I'll do it. Might even start looking for a hen, one that lays live young. Of course, maybe through out this thing, they can help me to more function beside just better health. Why I bother hoping on this stuff, I just can't be sure. But if they are going to promise Christmas treats and presents, I might as well ask if I can stay for dinner, nyet? Well, it is a plan.
Today is merely a day of recovery. I will try to get some of those home things on my list. Laundry languishes, dishes rebel, basic upkeep would be good. But if I can just have a day of relative rest and relaxation and not choke on my own breathe, I might just enjoy it without much muss or fuss. I'll fight when I can but I've just fought for breathe for a week. Nothing like being in a foxhole with an elephant stuck in there with you to wear you down a bit. Oh, wait, it was a RINO! Bah!
It is raining this morning, again. Oh cheer. Still, I really don't care. As long as I don't have to literally swim, let it pour. Me and the other cats will just hide out and chase whatever tails we see when we get bored. Have a good day, or a great one if you really have to!
.
I am actually breathing easier this morning. While it isn't perfect it is actually much improved. I slept fairly well, and nearly a full night. My attempts to squeeze a little more shut-eye out of the pillow came to naught. I was able to get up fairly easily and pretty much without chest pain caused by having a chest full of liquid. I didn't have to take it slow or easy, though doing much more than that will still probably require a bit of a light touch until I can get back on my feet, if that actually is possible. I still become a bit short of breath from a combination of light activities. It sure beats having panting attacks just sitting. Since I am going back on a diuretic, I will go back on the heart medicine and potassium. For the first week that is all I am going to try and balance. Toward the end of the week, depending on needs and how Gatorade is working, I may go back on the other supplements. If I am having problems, I may just cut the dose of the diuretic and call someone... if I'm not in too bad of shape to... get right on that.
I was simply too tired after everything yesterday to remember to investigate the term "congestive heart failure". While it has some meaning, some specific qualifiers, it is just as vague as the term "headache". And worse, getting any real grip on the thing is impossible. It seems as if doctors and authors like using terms to their advantage. If they think you are afraid of death, why then the thing is down right terminal if you don't follow their instructions to the letter. If you overreact or balk at death threats, well then the disease merely becomes something you ought to, as a moral condition for living, tend. Like women, I don't even think doctors themselves know the truth anymore.
A visit to cardiology and finding one doctor there or at my primary clinic to lead the treatment and give me a top-down assessment, and then making sure there is follow up so when I can't be compliant and am perhaps too exhausted to be a squeaky wheel I don't just slip away is about all I can try to arrange. Hey, if I can pull another half a life out of these bones, so long as there is some meat with the soup of life juice, I'll do it. Might even start looking for a hen, one that lays live young. Of course, maybe through out this thing, they can help me to more function beside just better health. Why I bother hoping on this stuff, I just can't be sure. But if they are going to promise Christmas treats and presents, I might as well ask if I can stay for dinner, nyet? Well, it is a plan.
Today is merely a day of recovery. I will try to get some of those home things on my list. Laundry languishes, dishes rebel, basic upkeep would be good. But if I can just have a day of relative rest and relaxation and not choke on my own breathe, I might just enjoy it without much muss or fuss. I'll fight when I can but I've just fought for breathe for a week. Nothing like being in a foxhole with an elephant stuck in there with you to wear you down a bit. Oh, wait, it was a RINO! Bah!
It is raining this morning, again. Oh cheer. Still, I really don't care. As long as I don't have to literally swim, let it pour. Me and the other cats will just hide out and chase whatever tails we see when we get bored. Have a good day, or a great one if you really have to!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
???
.
.
I made it in, after having a large meal at McDonald. I was starving. They did an x-ray, a CT-Scan, and another where they wired me up. Some blood testing was done. And then they watched my vitals for a while. Even after that huge meal, my blood sugar as tested through the finger vampire yielded only 160! I could easily say 40 of that could be removed because of the meal. How much else could be removed from having a couple of sodas before heading out in order to head out? Long story short, I seem to be in excellent condition. I seem to be suffering from congestive heart failure. Assuming the reason for the congestive heart failure can be found and treated, I am told I will do quite well, living every bit as long as anyone else. Further, I am told nothing vital is out of order. The issues found are mild and probably quite correctable. I was given an order for diuretics and sent home. They can do nothing else for the breathing. Isn't congestive heart failure, well... a really bad thing? I am going to look it up. I thought I had. If so, I must have forgotten whatever I read. Every other doctor says I am dying or conversely to begin planning for the next half of my life. And they call ME bipolar.
Hey, didn't I just see this show? This time, when they added the liquid form of the diuretic to my injection site, I ended up voiding 24 ounces there and probably another 10 to 14 ounces when I returned home. I can't say I feel better. Well, the headache is back. When I complained about the conditions regarding taking the diuretic I was told I would be put on a lesser dose and sort of told those conditions shouldn't recur, if they do just call back in. Arriving home I compared apples to apples. Same dosage, one was generic and one was brand name, both were prescribed at their lowest dosages. Well, I will try again. I now have supplements to take along with it, if I can keep it all going.
I also stopped to pick up my new scripts and do some shopping while I was at it. I now have gatorade, as well as milk, a bit of bread, and some meats. Even if I can't get to the dishes soon, yesterday while I was out and smoking my pipe I lit the grill up and burned it clean. I can begin using that to some degree. I also grabbed a few other odds and ends.
My breathing, actually, might be better. Only slightly and I will see in how well I sleep. I do, however, now have a pretty horrible headache. I took a few pills for that. Pills pills, the more you... Never... mind. The headache could be from the sudden voiding of so much fluid. It might also be from shopping. I had to go slow, pick things up and place them gently, and take my time needing to catch my breathe ever so often. I also kept my mother apprised, calling here when I went in and shortly after returning home.
I don't think they understand. This is probably as close to being waterboarded as one could legally get, at this point. The difference? I don't know when this will end, or if it will end. I will try to contact my primary tomorrow, and cardiology as well. I need much closer follow-ups in any case, or I will drop the medicines again. If I have issues with the medicine, they have to be able to suggest something besides "Just keep taking it, you'll be fine. Those blisters on your lips and tongue, and the cramps, will all magically get better and go away". Gah! What a mess I am in. At least, according to the most recent accounts, I am not really dying... probably.
Oh, I am not editing this, at all, tonight. I am dead dog tired and I need to sleep. I can't focus at the moment. I hope it makes some kind of sense. Good night.
.
I made it in, after having a large meal at McDonald. I was starving. They did an x-ray, a CT-Scan, and another where they wired me up. Some blood testing was done. And then they watched my vitals for a while. Even after that huge meal, my blood sugar as tested through the finger vampire yielded only 160! I could easily say 40 of that could be removed because of the meal. How much else could be removed from having a couple of sodas before heading out in order to head out? Long story short, I seem to be in excellent condition. I seem to be suffering from congestive heart failure. Assuming the reason for the congestive heart failure can be found and treated, I am told I will do quite well, living every bit as long as anyone else. Further, I am told nothing vital is out of order. The issues found are mild and probably quite correctable. I was given an order for diuretics and sent home. They can do nothing else for the breathing. Isn't congestive heart failure, well... a really bad thing? I am going to look it up. I thought I had. If so, I must have forgotten whatever I read. Every other doctor says I am dying or conversely to begin planning for the next half of my life. And they call ME bipolar.
Hey, didn't I just see this show? This time, when they added the liquid form of the diuretic to my injection site, I ended up voiding 24 ounces there and probably another 10 to 14 ounces when I returned home. I can't say I feel better. Well, the headache is back. When I complained about the conditions regarding taking the diuretic I was told I would be put on a lesser dose and sort of told those conditions shouldn't recur, if they do just call back in. Arriving home I compared apples to apples. Same dosage, one was generic and one was brand name, both were prescribed at their lowest dosages. Well, I will try again. I now have supplements to take along with it, if I can keep it all going.
I also stopped to pick up my new scripts and do some shopping while I was at it. I now have gatorade, as well as milk, a bit of bread, and some meats. Even if I can't get to the dishes soon, yesterday while I was out and smoking my pipe I lit the grill up and burned it clean. I can begin using that to some degree. I also grabbed a few other odds and ends.
My breathing, actually, might be better. Only slightly and I will see in how well I sleep. I do, however, now have a pretty horrible headache. I took a few pills for that. Pills pills, the more you... Never... mind. The headache could be from the sudden voiding of so much fluid. It might also be from shopping. I had to go slow, pick things up and place them gently, and take my time needing to catch my breathe ever so often. I also kept my mother apprised, calling here when I went in and shortly after returning home.
I don't think they understand. This is probably as close to being waterboarded as one could legally get, at this point. The difference? I don't know when this will end, or if it will end. I will try to contact my primary tomorrow, and cardiology as well. I need much closer follow-ups in any case, or I will drop the medicines again. If I have issues with the medicine, they have to be able to suggest something besides "Just keep taking it, you'll be fine. Those blisters on your lips and tongue, and the cramps, will all magically get better and go away". Gah! What a mess I am in. At least, according to the most recent accounts, I am not really dying... probably.
Oh, I am not editing this, at all, tonight. I am dead dog tired and I need to sleep. I can't focus at the moment. I hope it makes some kind of sense. Good night.
It took a bit to call.
.
.
I couldn't get my brain screwed up tight. I have to have some clarity of thought and an ability to speak before I will place a call, even one like this. Actually, more so one like this. All I wanted was advice, possibly a medicinal option, to be honest. Perhaps they might have just suggested head stands or something. At worst, I thought they might ask me to drive to SLC. And, I might have if it would have been in and out. It's tight enough being out as is, but being out for four or five hours on top of driving two hours each way would not be doable at the moment. I thought I might have to threaten them with going into the local ER. Bah!
She told me to call 911. Stubborn to the end, I won't. I will, somehow, take a shower. Then I will drive in and put some food into my face and pick up some tobacco. Groceries, of course, will wait. Then I will go to the ER. I would take my friend along but that is one of the most drawn out, boring, nasty tasks available and I won't drag him into it. I also will not stay unless they promise to either offer relief or let me go in the morning after trying and failing. Then again, if they are like every one else I have seen, I will hear something high blood pressure something, you are going to die, take these magic pills (same old same old) and we will give you some others later, goodbye. Just fragging help me breathe! Dang, it can't be that hard. Oh, one thing I will pick up when I buy tobacco, to be sure to remember it, is gatorade. Dehydration comes up often when looking at many of my issues. I have stopped the diuretic and am on supplements, but I may still be critically low on some things. I am sure I am still low on potassium.
Oh well. Don't you hate it when you hit the ground running with an extremely aggressive plan only to find your plan is considered mild and a bit dated? Who knew? Talk about going out with a raincoat, flashing on the mind, and a real intent... only to somehow find oneself in a nudist colony. So, in I go... after a little bit of grooming. Later.
.
I couldn't get my brain screwed up tight. I have to have some clarity of thought and an ability to speak before I will place a call, even one like this. Actually, more so one like this. All I wanted was advice, possibly a medicinal option, to be honest. Perhaps they might have just suggested head stands or something. At worst, I thought they might ask me to drive to SLC. And, I might have if it would have been in and out. It's tight enough being out as is, but being out for four or five hours on top of driving two hours each way would not be doable at the moment. I thought I might have to threaten them with going into the local ER. Bah!
She told me to call 911. Stubborn to the end, I won't. I will, somehow, take a shower. Then I will drive in and put some food into my face and pick up some tobacco. Groceries, of course, will wait. Then I will go to the ER. I would take my friend along but that is one of the most drawn out, boring, nasty tasks available and I won't drag him into it. I also will not stay unless they promise to either offer relief or let me go in the morning after trying and failing. Then again, if they are like every one else I have seen, I will hear something high blood pressure something, you are going to die, take these magic pills (same old same old) and we will give you some others later, goodbye. Just fragging help me breathe! Dang, it can't be that hard. Oh, one thing I will pick up when I buy tobacco, to be sure to remember it, is gatorade. Dehydration comes up often when looking at many of my issues. I have stopped the diuretic and am on supplements, but I may still be critically low on some things. I am sure I am still low on potassium.
Oh well. Don't you hate it when you hit the ground running with an extremely aggressive plan only to find your plan is considered mild and a bit dated? Who knew? Talk about going out with a raincoat, flashing on the mind, and a real intent... only to somehow find oneself in a nudist colony. So, in I go... after a little bit of grooming. Later.
Being unable to sleep makes it hard to think.
.
.
I just saw a study where a number of adults, who believed they could cut their sleep from a standard eight hours to various levels (but the goal was to cut three hours of sleep from the baseline). Some end up not cutting any time, some only cutting one, some others cut two, and still others cut three hours from their sleep schedule. People only cut what they were or became comfortable with. After then being tested before, during, and after the cuts, it became absolutely clear that digging into one's sleep is akin to having a shot or two every hour and insisting everything is just fine. While it may feel fine, it isn't. I am so far from feeling fine I can barely talk sometimes. It is simply that I cannot get to sleep or stay asleep. That is about 90% of my problem since I left the service, it simply isn't bipolar. I either can't sleep or I don't sleep well.
My problem, right now, is that I can sleep even less regularly than usual. This make figuring things out a bit difficult. I have realized doctors are absolute idiots. Perhaps they were trying to use this issue to break me down so that I would go back on one, the other, or both of their failed medicinal regimens from the past. That isn't going to happen. I now realize what the problem is. My diaphragm is cramping. My stomach is hard as a rock, I can't press in with my hands. Do 50 to a 100 setups and you will get an idea of what I am talking about. My abdomen is in a state of near permanent cramp. I need them to figure out what will allow that to release. The problem, even with one to two liters of fluid in each lung, is not the lungs. I am forced to take short breaths and don't get much air in. I will be calling the ER today, hopefully to speak to a doctor whose head is out of his butt or whose head I can pull out of his butt. Pain pills, of any kind, do not work. But I am sure something would help. I am almost wondering if that cramping by itself is enough to cause (or allow) the pulmonary edema and it certainly doesn't help any other condition.
I need sleep, I need rest, I need easier breathing, and I don't think it is all that difficult. I actually think some of them know what the problem is, how to fix it, but aren't doing so. They need me for procedures, that is how they fund the various clinics. I hope if the funding changes for medicare go through, success versus procedure based funding, that the V.A. is given a solid review as well.
I didn't get to much yesterday. I have soaked the dishes a number of times but never quite got to them. Though I felt good for a short while, the cramping returned, finding sleep has been brutal, and it's just been too rough. If the doc can offer something, I will drive down today to pick it up. If he gets all squirrely, I might have to suggest that, with shortness of breath and their seeming inability to deal with it, I might not be able to drive that far so I might have to go to the local ER, perhaps by ambulance. While we would all be sad to see the V.A. not make a dime off my care, and actually have to pay out some unGodly sum, some things might just have to be dealt with as they may. If the V.A. doesn't care to get involved, maybe someone else will.
By the way, in spite of various complaints about the local medical collective, if socialist seeming, I have it on good authority that it is a rather solid system of health care. I have heard it listed with Mayo and a few others. At least there is that. But then, and again, in spite of my complaints and such, I think I had indicated (when they can stay on topic) that they offer top notch service. (If I still think government run will always end up in the toilet, it's always one election or bribe or legal difficulty away.)
Anyway, have a great day. Hey, buddy, could you spare a breathe?
.
I just saw a study where a number of adults, who believed they could cut their sleep from a standard eight hours to various levels (but the goal was to cut three hours of sleep from the baseline). Some end up not cutting any time, some only cutting one, some others cut two, and still others cut three hours from their sleep schedule. People only cut what they were or became comfortable with. After then being tested before, during, and after the cuts, it became absolutely clear that digging into one's sleep is akin to having a shot or two every hour and insisting everything is just fine. While it may feel fine, it isn't. I am so far from feeling fine I can barely talk sometimes. It is simply that I cannot get to sleep or stay asleep. That is about 90% of my problem since I left the service, it simply isn't bipolar. I either can't sleep or I don't sleep well.
My problem, right now, is that I can sleep even less regularly than usual. This make figuring things out a bit difficult. I have realized doctors are absolute idiots. Perhaps they were trying to use this issue to break me down so that I would go back on one, the other, or both of their failed medicinal regimens from the past. That isn't going to happen. I now realize what the problem is. My diaphragm is cramping. My stomach is hard as a rock, I can't press in with my hands. Do 50 to a 100 setups and you will get an idea of what I am talking about. My abdomen is in a state of near permanent cramp. I need them to figure out what will allow that to release. The problem, even with one to two liters of fluid in each lung, is not the lungs. I am forced to take short breaths and don't get much air in. I will be calling the ER today, hopefully to speak to a doctor whose head is out of his butt or whose head I can pull out of his butt. Pain pills, of any kind, do not work. But I am sure something would help. I am almost wondering if that cramping by itself is enough to cause (or allow) the pulmonary edema and it certainly doesn't help any other condition.
I need sleep, I need rest, I need easier breathing, and I don't think it is all that difficult. I actually think some of them know what the problem is, how to fix it, but aren't doing so. They need me for procedures, that is how they fund the various clinics. I hope if the funding changes for medicare go through, success versus procedure based funding, that the V.A. is given a solid review as well.
I didn't get to much yesterday. I have soaked the dishes a number of times but never quite got to them. Though I felt good for a short while, the cramping returned, finding sleep has been brutal, and it's just been too rough. If the doc can offer something, I will drive down today to pick it up. If he gets all squirrely, I might have to suggest that, with shortness of breath and their seeming inability to deal with it, I might not be able to drive that far so I might have to go to the local ER, perhaps by ambulance. While we would all be sad to see the V.A. not make a dime off my care, and actually have to pay out some unGodly sum, some things might just have to be dealt with as they may. If the V.A. doesn't care to get involved, maybe someone else will.
By the way, in spite of various complaints about the local medical collective, if socialist seeming, I have it on good authority that it is a rather solid system of health care. I have heard it listed with Mayo and a few others. At least there is that. But then, and again, in spite of my complaints and such, I think I had indicated (when they can stay on topic) that they offer top notch service. (If I still think government run will always end up in the toilet, it's always one election or bribe or legal difficulty away.)
Anyway, have a great day. Hey, buddy, could you spare a breathe?
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