Various thoughts of late.

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In a recent conversation, the idea of yin and yang came up. The notion that there is universal balance between good and evil, man and woman, life and death, and whatever else. After a few moments, I had to suggest that a notion of balance along such lines was not possible. Nor, probably, something to be sought. In the West we are seeing the ills of trying to have women raised to the level of equality. The laws created to produce such an abomination has broken the family, disrupted business, and left men, women, and children in a disheveled ghoul of a society. In muslim nations, we see the ills of the opposite. However, the truth is honored roles rather than some arbitrary understanding of some impossible equality is the way to go. Boring, I am sure. Static, of course. And when done correctly, rather unyielding. History, physiology, faith, and many other indicators all point to the obvious. There is no equality therefore balance can't be found in it. We live in unwise times, though, and of course.

Another notion to come up was the idea that God was perfectly good and Satan is God's equal opposite. This too is a mistake. There is no such thing as "perfect evil". It bothers me that any who profess to believe in God, Christ, and the Holy spirit might stray this way. Perhaps most people do not spend all that much time thinking of such things? Perhaps it is tasked to those who see to point out the little things others miss? I miss many things and have to busily research here and there, read this and that, and listen (when I can). Then again, having been an adherent of Zen for a short time, maybe these things cross my mind more often.

I was watching a show about pornography addiction. I remember going through that myself, so was curious. I have been cured, out and out, and yet I wanted to see what other men go through and what steps are available, how others find health, and such things. I remember my cure. It did not come from constant therapy, clerical intervention, or anything long term. I had prayed to God about some doubts about my then woman. I all but heard "Look to the log in your own eye"! Startled, I knew immediately what was meant. It took two tries, that first shock and then later after viewing porn again (once), a remembering of the "voice". At the time I felt great shame and I felt quite alone. I found myself alone in my sin. I had some anger and hurt feelings but I couldn't quite direct those at God. I realized, after a time, that my feelings were about not getting to do what I wanted to do. But too, I saw why not. After hearing how much work other men must go through to find health in this issue, I realize now how lucky I am. I feel privileged in some way. Why me and not others? I'll take it, whatever the reason. And I will pray for those who do not have it as easy.

My friend called. He needed three units of blood, he got two today and will get another Monday. Three units? That's half of his blood level. I have seen him needing more. It always amazes me. At least this time they simply added the iron to the blood so he isn't having to go in for those injections as well. It took them six hours to get the blood and saline in. We can commiserate a bit. Different problems, sometimes similar symptoms, very different treatments. Both of us, for all intents and purposes, should be dead and have learned to stretch even that to new levels. Both of us have problems taking the prescribed medicine. He is more cheery about it all though, I have to admit. The silver lining is that pessimism is all mine!

I am hoping to cook tonight. I can't swear it will be done, but I... think... I... can. I want to cook, very much, as well. Fresh hot food sounds good after days of mostly cold and reheated leftovers. A quick grilling would see me into more brots and chicken thighs. A few fresh and warm, a bit for leftovers. Just bits and pieces, but I am beginning to eat a bit more regularly. A half dozen baby carrots and peanut butter or ranch dressing here, an apple there, a brot or two now. I simply can't get fancy.

Anyway, good night.