Being unable to sleep makes it hard to think.

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I just saw a study where a number of adults, who believed they could cut their sleep from a standard eight hours to various levels (but the goal was to cut three hours of sleep from the baseline). Some end up not cutting any time, some only cutting one, some others cut two, and still others cut three hours from their sleep schedule. People only cut what they were or became comfortable with. After then being tested before, during, and after the cuts, it became absolutely clear that digging into one's sleep is akin to having a shot or two every hour and insisting everything is just fine. While it may feel fine, it isn't. I am so far from feeling fine I can barely talk sometimes. It is simply that I cannot get to sleep or stay asleep. That is about 90% of my problem since I left the service, it simply isn't bipolar. I either can't sleep or I don't sleep well.

My problem, right now, is that I can sleep even less regularly than usual. This make figuring things out a bit difficult. I have realized doctors are absolute idiots. Perhaps they were trying to use this issue to break me down so that I would go back on one, the other, or both of their failed medicinal regimens from the past. That isn't going to happen. I now realize what the problem is. My diaphragm is cramping. My stomach is hard as a rock, I can't press in with my hands. Do 50 to a 100 setups and you will get an idea of what I am talking about. My abdomen is in a state of near permanent cramp. I need them to figure out what will allow that to release. The problem, even with one to two liters of fluid in each lung, is not the lungs. I am forced to take short breaths and don't get much air in. I will be calling the ER today, hopefully to speak to a doctor whose head is out of his butt or whose head I can pull out of his butt. Pain pills, of any kind, do not work. But I am sure something would help. I am almost wondering if that cramping by itself is enough to cause (or allow) the pulmonary edema and it certainly doesn't help any other condition.

I need sleep, I need rest, I need easier breathing, and I don't think it is all that difficult. I actually think some of them know what the problem is, how to fix it, but aren't doing so. They need me for procedures, that is how they fund the various clinics. I hope if the funding changes for medicare go through, success versus procedure based funding, that the V.A. is given a solid review as well.

I didn't get to much yesterday. I have soaked the dishes a number of times but never quite got to them. Though I felt good for a short while, the cramping returned, finding sleep has been brutal, and it's just been too rough. If the doc can offer something, I will drive down today to pick it up. If he gets all squirrely, I might have to suggest that, with shortness of breath and their seeming inability to deal with it, I might not be able to drive that far so I might have to go to the local ER, perhaps by ambulance. While we would all be sad to see the V.A. not make a dime off my care, and actually have to pay out some unGodly sum, some things might just have to be dealt with as they may. If the V.A. doesn't care to get involved, maybe someone else will.

By the way, in spite of various complaints about the local medical collective, if socialist seeming, I have it on good authority that it is a rather solid system of health care. I have heard it listed with Mayo and a few others. At least there is that. But then, and again, in spite of my complaints and such, I think I had indicated (when they can stay on topic) that they offer top notch service. (If I still think government run will always end up in the toilet, it's always one election or bribe or legal difficulty away.)

Anyway, have a great day. Hey, buddy, could you spare a breathe?