She is out there. I don’t know how I know, but I realized tonight, the woman who will become my wife is out there, waiting. Oh, she isn’t sitting at her table, twiddling her thumbs, not that type of waiting. I had strong feelings that she is out there and I need to find her. I am not sure if this is because I am trying to become active and considering some travel or if it is just the time. Perhaps changing ones life has more impact than one could every understand in such a broad way as to be a miracle of probabilities.
I have no clue what she looks like. I don’t know where she is, except that she is not here (whatever that means), or what she does. I doubt if we will know it when we first meet. I am just sure we will somehow cross paths once, then again, and again, until we begin to see and understand. I am not even sure if we will have children, but I certainly hope so. I am not comfortable with the unknown or waiting, but for some reason I am comfortable with this. And yes, I do have doubts. How can someone know even what math indicates, let alone what some feeling indicates? I don’t know that either, but I do believe this.
Don’t ask me, I don’t know where that came from. All I can say is I have been getting that message over and over the last few days until finally I locked on it and accepted it. It’s just a feeling, I could be wrong and by logic I am, I might be a little touched, or I might be heading into trouble:) But I believe she is out there and that I will find her.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Who Are You Looking At?
I just cornered someone, in a mental conversation (a conversation with a fictional person). I explained my belief, a belief held regarding someone’s actions in a long term series of events, to a third though interested party. I explained how the events were tied to the outcome and that regardless of what the subject thought they thought, they probably either weren’t being honest or just didn’t understand themselves or the situation as well as they had believed. I countered a few, albeit light, counter-arguments and alternative proposals, if I didn’t obtain total agreement with the conversant. The track was very well done, with the exceptions noted. It came to me in an instant, vaporizing fiction to leave fact, and then I created my discussion based on that and the outside source information that had instigated the process.
It is, sometimes, quite easy to see what others are thinking in the end, regardless of what they say. What they do, or end up doing, says more than their words could, and are absolutely and brutally honest. Then it hit me, what can I see in my own life? What was/is my major real goals? Can they be discerned by my actions as clearly as I had discerned another’s goals? I can’t see it at this point, but I am going to start looking. I wonder if others can see me as clearly as I saw the subject. I hope they are as forgiving or understanding as I tried to be with the subject, or at least indifferent. It would also be interesting, if possibly quite difficult, to know.
I am not even sure getting caught in your own thinking like that is a good thing, though I don’t think it’s a typical thing? I’ll have to recheck all of my systems on those two threads. *sigh* Well, that should keep me busy in my own yard for a while, anyway.
It is, sometimes, quite easy to see what others are thinking in the end, regardless of what they say. What they do, or end up doing, says more than their words could, and are absolutely and brutally honest. Then it hit me, what can I see in my own life? What was/is my major real goals? Can they be discerned by my actions as clearly as I had discerned another’s goals? I can’t see it at this point, but I am going to start looking. I wonder if others can see me as clearly as I saw the subject. I hope they are as forgiving or understanding as I tried to be with the subject, or at least indifferent. It would also be interesting, if possibly quite difficult, to know.
I am not even sure getting caught in your own thinking like that is a good thing, though I don’t think it’s a typical thing? I’ll have to recheck all of my systems on those two threads. *sigh* Well, that should keep me busy in my own yard for a while, anyway.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Into The Wilds
Wow! So much to do, so little time. Two years and a few months seems like a long time, but when time, money, testing, travel, and just living get rolled up into it, two years seems far too short!
What is he talking about now, you ask? You didn’t read then. Ok, I’ll say it again. I’ve started to make plans for a two year out-door adventure in, or starting in, Colorado. I’m giving myself about a 2 ¼ year lead time to gear up, practice, test my gear, and then go.
I’ve been looking at, and sometimes writing (emailing) everyone from 4x4 clubs, tent/hammock manufacturers, to satellite phone/internet service and equipment providers. I usually do as much research as an uninitiated consumer can do, then pick the items that top the list, then if I have a few questions, I write for more information. I am trying to be careful though, as I am not soliciting, I do not need or want sponsorships, I am only interested in the information.
The list of things to do and check only seems to grow with everything that gets checked off the list. Odd how that works, but it’s the nature of finding out more about that which one knows little or nothing. Modifications to my vehicle (spoke to my dealership and gents in a 4x4 group I plan on joining there), survival medical gear and information, camping gear of all sorts, standard gear like seasonal clothes and foot gear, foods (some no-fire areas require MRE’s or the like), water (systems to store, transport, and clean it), communications (I’m looking at CB’s, satellite phones, FRS/GRMS systems, and ham radios, the last two require licensing and the more here, the better), as well as figuring out what to do with my home furnishings, business arrangements, medical needs, and social and family situations.
I’m rather excited. Yet, all the work keeps the enthusiasm down and adds a sobering effect that may help this thing happen and end well. I gave myself two years for several reasons. First, the right equipment is not cheap. Much of it is up-front one-time costs, but those costs can be significant. As well, I do not want to show up in the wild with equipment that is both untried and without first having experience with it or similar equipment. And last but not least, it gives me time to consider if this is the right thing for me to do. Rash decisions have never been great decisions, and I prefer to leave those to times when they are all that are left. This isn’t one of those times.
What is he talking about now, you ask? You didn’t read then. Ok, I’ll say it again. I’ve started to make plans for a two year out-door adventure in, or starting in, Colorado. I’m giving myself about a 2 ¼ year lead time to gear up, practice, test my gear, and then go.
I’ve been looking at, and sometimes writing (emailing) everyone from 4x4 clubs, tent/hammock manufacturers, to satellite phone/internet service and equipment providers. I usually do as much research as an uninitiated consumer can do, then pick the items that top the list, then if I have a few questions, I write for more information. I am trying to be careful though, as I am not soliciting, I do not need or want sponsorships, I am only interested in the information.
The list of things to do and check only seems to grow with everything that gets checked off the list. Odd how that works, but it’s the nature of finding out more about that which one knows little or nothing. Modifications to my vehicle (spoke to my dealership and gents in a 4x4 group I plan on joining there), survival medical gear and information, camping gear of all sorts, standard gear like seasonal clothes and foot gear, foods (some no-fire areas require MRE’s or the like), water (systems to store, transport, and clean it), communications (I’m looking at CB’s, satellite phones, FRS/GRMS systems, and ham radios, the last two require licensing and the more here, the better), as well as figuring out what to do with my home furnishings, business arrangements, medical needs, and social and family situations.
I’m rather excited. Yet, all the work keeps the enthusiasm down and adds a sobering effect that may help this thing happen and end well. I gave myself two years for several reasons. First, the right equipment is not cheap. Much of it is up-front one-time costs, but those costs can be significant. As well, I do not want to show up in the wild with equipment that is both untried and without first having experience with it or similar equipment. And last but not least, it gives me time to consider if this is the right thing for me to do. Rash decisions have never been great decisions, and I prefer to leave those to times when they are all that are left. This isn’t one of those times.
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