Hmm, well, I'm trying to restart.

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Chores were swiftly finished, if I hadn't done them as of last post.  Rabbits were almost all good with food, but needed water, a few, most.  I gave a few of them attention, but not all.  Soon I will begin handling them.  As well, possibly, grooming them a bit.  I have gloves with bristles, for furry pets and such.  I bought it for the cats, but after sorting things out with them, they prefer just scritchy scratches.  I would like to try it on the rabbits.

There are still four chicks, remaining, for now.  Bigger each day.  I don't have a lot of hope for them, but so be it.  Until I can arrange a safer group of arrangements, I'm not sure many will make it.  I'll... work on that.  Soon.  I hope.  I would like to have enough to have, say, eight to ten food birds a year, then replace a few birds each year.  A few more hens would be nice, and I may just replace the indian runners without adding to their numbers.  Anyway... if I can manage nesting/hatchling zones which are large enough for mom and younglings, it'll work out.  Time... always need more time, or... energy.

With just one meal of kefir, and 20 cc's of fast acting insulin, blood sugar went from 217 to 88 currently.  That... really shouldn't happen like that.  I'll have more kefir, and make 'kraut and kielbasa very soon.  Before a crash happens, hopefully.  Not many, if any, carbs in there.  But the fats?  More the proteins, proteins will help.  I don't want to use tabs again.

I am collecting bottles.  I have been... leaving them to breed and run around like idiots.  Well, I... definitely have enough.  More than enough.  For use as water filled, frozen, cooling systems for the rabbits.  I have three bags of them, filled, and frozen, for when it warms up.  I also, after collecting, and so far, have about six bags of them elsewise.  I will probably recycle most, save maybe two bags for replacements if they don't hold up.  Ugh.  But, collecting them is a start.  From now on, other than what I have set aside, the rest will go into recycling immediately.  Ever start something, then forget... lose track... and not stop!  Ugh.

I have closed the house up.  Outside had dropped to 57, last I looked.  The feel is that it will keep dropping.  Down to freezing again?  Maybe.  But it will get cooler or just cold out there.  I turned the furnace up, because while the temps are reading 67~69, it doesn't feel like it.

A meal, then a shower and shave?  I can hope.  I definitely enjoy catching up and keeping up, when possible.  Then some work in the bathroom?  Maybe.  If I can get the shower and cleanup, in there, I would like to start dishes, and maybe towels.  Put them out on the line?  Not this time.  Or... maybe.  I just... I'll think about it.

Later.  Best eat before something bad happens.   

An understanding, a tech solution, an answer, and a problem.

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Sleep was good, when I finally could sleep.  What time?  Uhrm, it was around... well... after 05:00.  Anywhere from then to 09:00, I think.  Later?  Not earlier.  I think closer to the start potential to a few hours after.  I... tried to remember.  I can't recall.  I woke around 17:00~17:30, probably about in the middle.  I tried to sleep before, it just didn't work.

It is 70 outside, and nearly that inside.  The furnace is off, so that doesn't make sense.  It is heavily overcast outside, but doesn't look like we received any rain from it.  Thanks, China.  I opened everything up.  While it is warmer out there, there is a breeze coming through which is much cooler.  It was down to at least 30 last night.  That is a rather large jump in temps.  But... all good.

The understanding?  ~  Forgot.  Maybe later.

The tech solution?  Well?  I noticed my fingertips no longer hurt.  I had to think, for a second, as I was taking blood sugar this morning.  It was 217, by t he way, after getting to 101, stably, last night.  Bleh.  The thing is, the new glucometer really does take a LOT less blood.  I don't need to press my fingers for larger drops for hungrier devices... test strips really.  So?  So my finger tips aren't have blood forced through holes, it just oozes out, mostly on it's own.  A win.

The answer?  Why so tired.  I... thought I had acclimated to medicine?  Oh, have started the new medicine, but... to what I am on so far.  Reminds me, I need to call about the medicine.  Bleh.  But... again... why so tired!  It has warmed up, mostly, and is mostly stable in any case.  So... why?  Ah!  I used to drink one to four gallons of highly caffeinated tea.  I haven't had a drop, mostly, in... weeks, or a month now?  I... may have to add a cup of instant joe or two a day.  Yes, I think so.

The problem.  ~  Forgot.  Maybe later.  I... had the list of four, then, as writing... they... disappeared into the dark blue nether.  Maybe later.  If I recall, I will amend.  Troublesome memory, mostly in the morning.  Coffee!?!

Couldn't sleep.

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Still can't.  Odd, it is so cool.  I checked outdoors, as it was feeling so strangely... not cool but cold.  It is 29 to 30 out there.  Started shivering, so didn't quibble beyond getting the reading to that level.  I am wearing cargo shorts.  Didn't... think it would be nearly that cold!  That's below freezing.

Yes, sometimes I can do chores at 0 F, in flipflops.  Sometimes I can't.  I'm not acclimated to the cold, so even that 30 was a bit stout.  Unusual, in two ways.  First that is this cold, just hitting June.  Second, that I am not crashing for it.  I had a window or two still open, and the furnace off.  Still, inside it only got down to 64 to 68, depending on where the reading is taken.  Even so, to me, at this point in the season, even that is cool to cold.

In spite of extra food, blood sugar is doing okay.  It is 101, with a weekly average of 135.  Of course, being so used to it being much higher, not having a window of safety... makes me nervous.  I have gone through... many carb tabs while trying to get this arranged.  Oh well.  I'll keep fighting the good fight.  Hmm... actually, I should refill them, if I have a bigger bottle.  I have one roll left, down here, out of... many.  And two upstairs.  Ugh.  I had them all full last week.  Doing what I can.

I would like breakfast, if someone else would cook it.  Not sure I should, but that isn't... always a point, when it comes to hunger.  I could do bacon and eggs, but that might just be too much for this morning.  I didn't make a pork roast in the instapot last night, as I had proposed.  I suppose I could set that up, but... I don't want to do that either.  I suppose I am beginning to crash.

Oh, but I have slices of cheese, sardines, and olives.  That might just make a pleasant, if odd, late supper.  And, it should be a very keto friendly one.  Though sardines, or kippers?  I am leaning toward kippers.  And kefir.  My tastes have certainly advanced.  I think for the very much better.  That sounds salty, and it is, but both keto eating makes a way for that, safely, to a degree, and... smaller bites.  Just an half dozen olives, and only two or three slices of cheese.  Well, and plenty to drink.  It works out.

How do I know?  My feet have been doing exceptionally well, recently.  No pain.  Even breaking my feet in to shoes hasn't been a problem.  The tops used to hurt, from perpetual swelling.  It seems to be gone, for now.  I am on two water pills still, but that is down from three, sometimes up to five.  It's as good as I can do.  If other things sort out, we may have to try just one, again.  Those are hard on my flagging kidneys.

Any...way.  That should be it.  Later, if most likely good night, and day... morning too.  Odd how that can all be true at once.  

A bit more to eat.

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I checked the drain and the drain mechanism.  So far so good, with both.

I decided to have more food.  Carb tabs are okay, but they aren't really filling.  I could have had more food, right then, but I was feeling so bad that I decided the carb tabs would be quicker.  And it need to be faster.  I couldn't think through it, anyway, either.  Both, if with a small dose of insulin.  Risky?  Everything I do is a guess.

The girls are having a good night.  I'll feed them, again, shortly.  Treats, attention, food, fresh water.  They are kept fairly well.  I fall down for them regarding litter, more than anything.  But even that is only occasional, if more often in the last few weeks than usual.

I really need to clean.  But getting to it is a bear.  Chores aren't much, but they are enough.  And, in the cold, it gets to me.  Although the heat might ruin me too.  Bleh.  I'll keep trying.  We'll see.  Oh, and not quite yet, but perhaps Monday?  No, that's a holiday.  

Let us say, Tuesday or Wednesday, I will drill holes and put the eye bolts into the pole set up for the hammock.  And get the hammock, tarp, and maybe some other gear ready to put up.  I'd like to get it set up for quick deployment and take down, so that if I want, I can bring it all in quickly.  Not sure if the ducks, or other critters, will try to get on or in it, as a roost, or whatnot.  But there are other problems.  Still, on hot nights inside, it might be cool enough outside to get a good sleep.  And the sun is a heck of an alarm clock.  Heck, Sam might even join me out there.

Hmm... a bit more time up, then I'll get on to sleep.  Later, or more likely, good night.  Sleep well, dream well, and if you die, die well.  Amen.

Problems?

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Solutions.

Someone has been using my sink, in the bathroom, to clean oily, greasy, hands, tools, or something.  I have been setting things up so that it is more difficult to get in.  But that doesn't completely stop all of the activity.  They used to leave the bathtub and sink like that, now just the sink.

Well, that was causing a backup, or slow drain anyway.  But, right at the moment, just in the sink.  I have stuff for that, and it works quite well.  But I had to get the mechanical drain plug out.  I... first had to tinker, to remember... exactly... how to remove that.

Some have a hook, which can be undone from the bar.  This one has to have to bar removed from behind the drain pipe.  I was, after a bit of tinkering, able to sort that out and get it done.  A bit of tinkering... then... oh yeah... best put the bar and attachment assembly back on, or drain water will go out the back as surely as it will go down the pipe.  Check... right after a dose of reality hit the floor.

Fine.  So, I had to chase Sam out.  But she was just in seeing what I was up to.  Didn't like getting chased out.  Women and underfoot, cat, human, dog... all the same.  Anyway, yeah.  The chemical puts off rather strong odors, and Sam doesn't smell so well these days.  I opened the window, put stuff down, ran hot water... which activates the stuff, shut the door and got out for a while.  I turned on a fan, too.

A bit later, I returned and gave it another shot of stuff and hot water.  Then, again, scooted and let it do it's work.  Returning a bit later, it seems to have done it's work.  Then, to degrease the sink.  It really gets filthy.  I had been wondering if it was backup, from the septic tank.  Which... might have been true if it was both the tub and sink (at least, but lets just say they offered relief enough that it didn't get to other plumbing drains).

The problem with it just being the sink is... that wouldn't happen.  Assuming the above assumption, it would need both.  Further, it really wouldn't bring grease in.  I don't put grease out.  No.  This is someone using my sink for washing filthy greasy hands, or parts/equipment.  I better not catch whoever is doing it.

Yes, I sleep so hard I wouldn't know.  I try to keep the place locked up, but... you can't keep the dishonest out.  It happens rarely, anymore.  Though, I am not sure if it is a misuse, or if it is sabotage.  I best not ever catch them doing it.  Things, people, will be broken.

Anyway, I just had to finish up.  To one degree, the good thing about doing this was I was finally able to get the drain plug set back up correctly.  I have been having to manually reach behind and down, and pull the bar.  I may have to work on it more, but I got it fairly tight and well done.  Still, you know how these things go.

After that, I used degreaser in the sink basin.  It did work.  The last stuff I tried didn't work well.  Too mild.  This stuff is... nasty.  Rubber gloves and eye protection highly recommended.  It did work.  But it also tells me that the stuff in the sink wasn't backup.  It was something being added to the sink, down through it.  As I said, misuse/abuse or sabotage, that I don't know.  There are some who... would do so, locally.  On both sides of various fences.

But, for now, it is done.  I used some of the new degreaser on somethings in the tub, but that didn't work.  I don't know what it is in there.  It looks like grease, but has had no reaction to any degreaser, soap, or various other cleaning supplies I have tried.  I have no idea what they put in there, or dumped in.  It's been a while, is wearing off a bit, but... I just don't know.

As I was finishing, I was beginning to feel very off.  Couldn't be blood sugar.  I just had a pan of beans and burger.  With a small dose of insulin.  But, I was wrong.  Blood sugar had dropped to 58!  This is really becoming annoying!  I do little and it crashes, I do a lot and it ends up over 200.  I wonder if they are adding things to some of my food in the fridge.  You aren't paranoid if they really are out to get you.

A couple of rolls of glucose tabs later, and I'm almost feeling human again.  Well... as human as a non-human can feel.  Later.

Just a bit more awake.

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I called my mother.  Just a short verbal visit.  They are having a cold day.  Then again, our temp dropped from ~70 when I woke to 64 by 17:00 or so.  They are getting rain, anyway.  We might end up with some ourselves, again.  It looks like China is getting most of it?  *grins*  I feel bad for the people, not the government.  Often that is the case, becoming the case even in what was once America.

I have been considering another device for the kitchen.  An air fryer.  But... room!  I have the instapot and a blender/mixer machine set up, but finding room for something else would be tricky.  Then I saw it.  There are lid air fryers which fit the instapots!  But, I wanted one which doesn't use non-stick anything.  Don't trust that stuff.  Bad, bad, stuff.

Then I saw it.  One which not only uses steel, but also uses glass instead of plastic.  It's as close as I could find to exactly perfect.  It will be as good as it gets, too.  If I can just buy it before they change it!  Do I need it?  No.  But I might well be able to utilize it well.  Plus, it wouldn't take more space, mostly.

I asked my mother if she has an instapot.  She does, a gift from her silly son?  Something like that.  I asked if she would consider an air fryer lid for it.  Digging for gift solutions.  Nope!  I don't even think she really likes or uses the instapot?  Who knows.  She says she does, but... I don't know.

Anyway...  It's on my mind.  Crispy food is one of my favorite things.  I'm not sure if it is more efficient than the oven, but it would be easier to clean.  Just... a consideration.  Oh, and a thought others have put forth, is to use the pressure cooker side to cook the food, and the air fryer to crisp it, such as with drumsticks, or ribs.  I could see that.  Food gadgets are what I have left of my nerd instincts.

Later.

Well, that was some work!

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I ordered cat litter.  I buy enough for... a while... at a time.  To move it, though, was brutal.  Good thing it was a cool day.  I had to move empties, first.  Then, realized ducks and rabbits were in need.  Not desperate, but it was time.  So I did that, those, and them.  Then remembered I had the rest of the boxes to move.  Ugh.

It's all in and settled.  I am rather worn for it.  But it was... good.

Medicine in.  Blood sugar is over 200 this morning.  I'm not sure why it would do that.  I actually worried about a downward spike last night.  Or through the night.  But, no.  I just don't get it.  I'll keep doing the best I can do.  Kefir, and insulin, in a bit.  Another kefir later.  Then, something in the instapot for tonight.  I think I still have mostly fresh veggies.  Or I will cook that, but have the rest of the burger on a taco salad?  Yes, actually, that sounds like the way.

I wasn't able to sleep until 05:00 or so this morning.  I tried, several times.  It just wouldn't happen.  I also tried to wake several times.  Until about 14:00... 15:00?, every time I woke, I felt like I was back at sea.  I don't have my sea legs anymore, that's for sure.  Dizzy, nauseas a bit, off kilter.  So I went on back to sleep.  I woke when I could stand without losing my legs.  It's as good as I could do.

I am hoping for a shower, then a shave, yet today.  I had one yesterday.  A shower that is.  I... just want another.  Cloudy out there, again, but 70 or close.  I read it first thing, and have forgotten exactly.  I just stuck in a general approximation.  Momma duck still has four.  Don't know if they will last.  

I really need to make nesting enclosures for her... maybe several.  Allow them out, while nesting.  But once the chicks hatch, close it up.  They will need protective screening, sides, to a degree bottom, and tops too.  As well, they will need to have a roofed area, plus enough room for them to walk around a bit during the day.  And they will have to have tight enough screening so the chicks can't get out.  Plus, they will need fed and watered specially, several times a day.  It's the only way?

Pretty rough.  A harsh day.  But all good.  I'll... spend some time waking, after chores and delivery storage.  I kept forgetting what I was doing, and that there was more!  I almost had to laugh.  Because every time I turned around there was more to what I could remember on my list.  But!  I got it all done.  Ugh.  Later.

Hopefully nearing bedtime.

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Sleepy.  Will try.  Perhaps after a bit more to eat.  Hungry.  Not a common sensation, so I go with it.  Blood sugar had dropped to 124, but is back to 162.  No, I... used insulin with my last meal.  Blood sugar is just being odd.  It has cooled, by quite a bit.  Not sure if that is part of the problem?  No... it's been like that all week, all month.  Mostly.

The last two brats and the remaining sauerkraut.  That is really low glycemic index, low carb, if not really all that fatty.  Which I could probably use.  Well, and a touch of kefir.  I'll feed the girls, and check there litter, while toodling around the kitchen.  I keep up on the little things when possible.  Ugh.

Yes, a quick meal, then on to bed.  I had hoped to shave.  It just couldn't happen.  Perhaps a shower tomorrow, and then a shave too.  As early as possible.  If I can get to bed by 03:00, I'll set alarms for 10:00 and noon.  It's what I can try.  It doesn't always work, no matter my intent.  I'll dream of dying, or... large women.  Same difference?  :p  Good night.

Some things done.

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Paperwork sent to those helping with it.  Eggs received.  And a conversational message about a topic yet to be considered.  Vague?  Isn't it always.  If I can find another way, I will.  I'm just not sure I can.  Still, open to considering more than less?  Something like that.

Thankfully I showered, before saying hello to the youngling who came by and then the  older one who visited a bit longer.  Medicine has been taken for the day.  I am waiting a few hours, maybe another hour and an half, before checking blood sugar again.  I hope it isn't still rising.  Though, this morning?  I think used sweetener, but grabbed the other one.  I wanted to see if I could use it now.  Apparently not.

The liquid stevia is... okay.  It moderately sweetens.  The old stuff was on stick.  Not sure why I can't even taste powdered stevia, but... well, that and there is a bitter aftertaste.  Why not the liquid?  I don't know, and I don't care.  I am still only using it sparingly by volume when used, and rarely, as in every few days or so.  Between kefir and perrier, I no longer drink tea.  In part because the stevia, even the liquid, and other sweeteners which work with other things, don't sweeten the tea, pretty much, at all... for me, my tastes.

I am doing everything I can do.  Doing it fairly well, finally, and still... have trouble sticking the blood sugar without crashing it.  I'll keep at it.  Getting close.  As long as I don't shut down again, for a while, I... should be okay.  Summer heat, when it hits, might be a problem.  Will just have to wait and see on that.

Oh.  The slip on shoes?  At least one of the pairs works wonders.  Cotton socks, shorties if I can find them, do very well... especially in this drier climate.  I have another pair of that type ordered, but it won't arrive until next month.  The other pair I will be trying soon.  It's more of a plastic, not sure I will like it.  But, for the price, these two were top picks... as much as you can trust Wei Fu's review.  Bleh.  But, I had to go up to size 14.  Life is so much better, in the right sized shoes.  Light duty shoes.  Around the house, outside just for chores and such, not for long walks, hikes, or even grocery shopping to be honest.

My feet are doing better, as well.  I still wear the flipflops, but just around, after a shower, until the feet dry.  As well, I have other shoes and boots, which when my feet are used to being "dressed" again, I will wear more often, and always when doing heavier things or going out.  I may have to upsize them.  I'll... check... once my feet are used to shoes more fully, again.

Such little things.  Just... getting used to shoes is a challenge.  Haven't been able to get out or get going for a fairly long time... basically since medicine started.  That's two months.  I have been out of the house five times since then.  I have wanted to be out much more often.  Grocery shopping, milk runs, things I really wanted or needed... I just couldn't do.  Working on it.   Later.

Brats and sauerkraut.

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Well, and more kefir plus insulin.  All good.  Hopefully that will bring blood sugar down.  Very low carb.  Although, I finally found a sauerkraut with live cultures and, come to find out, they add sugar!  Ugh.  Though there is some reasonable potential that the probiotics eat the sugar.  The packaging even has a vent, or I am assuming it would explode.  There is something else, a flavor, added.  Not rye, but another type of seed like it.  Absolutely delicious, if somewhat suspicious.  Further, it was no more expensive than the other, non-living, non-probiotic, sauerkraut.

A shower before that.  Moving slow, but doing well enough.  I am thinking about a shave, if I can get to it yet tonight.  Doing some cleaning would be great.  If I can.  I still haven't gotten to the rabbits, but they were all quite well set up last night, at this time or later.  Still, it will happen yet.  And I will run water for the ducks as well.

Rather tired.  Sleepy, really.  Tired is something between worn and exhausted.  This is more like wanting to sleep again.  Wanting to be asleep.  I'll fight it, for a bit.  See if I can make it to, say, 21:00?  Though anywhere from 20:00 to 00:00 would be fine.  An improvement.  A potential to save the day, a bit, for a while.  Maybe.

Healing seems to have stopped again.  It was almost becoming miraculous, then it up and stopped.  Still, the arms are looking better than they were.  Sam and Sassy have been... fighting.  Using me as the proxy when I don't see it coming.  Brats.  I have settled them for the last week.  Hmm, Sam is outdoors, and is often outdoors, until it gets cool at night.  Even then, 40 last night, I had to bring her in.  Silly bird.

Have a great afternoon.  Later.

Hmm?

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I made it to 11:00, and and hour or two or change anyway.  I... don't know much.  Stress kept me awake.  But it couldn't enable me to do anything with the time.  I merely crashed very quickly without being able to sleep.  Blood sugar inexplicably jumped.  It had been 162 at "waking".  then, after a minor dose of insulin and kefir, it rose to 170.  Now it is 210, at 17:00, with only kefir and insulin this morning at about when I woke.  Very odd, but beats 51.  It really doesn't make sense.

I will have to check on the rabbits soon.  And, maybe, send a text if I can unjumble the mess of nerves and thoughts and all.  Though I am not sure I am actually going to wake up.  I haven't actually quite done that, and things are just off kilter.  Not a lot I can do about it.  Well, except keep my mind on things, and do my best.

Ah, and a minor anniversary.  It has been two months back on medicine.  I have missed one full day, a sleep cycle hiccup.  Lost the day and the medicines.  I have been late a few times, but made it up.  It's as good as I can do.  I had another medicine dispenser ready.  I need to refill more.  The medicine arrived from my doctor, except the new stuff, unless  that is at the post?  I'll... have to get in... soon.  Call the hospital if not.

A shower.  I need one.  After I wake, if this is when I will wake.  Ugh.  Later.

To bed by...

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I think it was to bed by 05:30.  Couldn't sleep.  Too many things on my mind.  Upset stomach for it.  Sleepy, tired, eyes burn.  Can't sleep.  So be it.

My duck mother is down to four or five.  I put her, and them, up last night.  Alone.  In the outbuilding.  That... can't work.  The chicks can't be left on their own.  But, if I had a place to put them, I could try to feed and water them.  Ugh.  I have no idea how to develop such a construction, and then keep on top of it.

It would need bedding, which would have to be changed out?  If so, how often?  It would need a heat lamp.  For nights, or days too?  Feed and water wouldn't be too difficult.  I would guess they have standard issues for those.  For how long?  Where to keep it?  Ugh!  I just... I don't think any in this batch will make it.  I will just have to let her out, because I don't have a practical means of keeping her in, and the others out.

Plus, I got mail.  My court appointment is coming up, next month.  I need to get people involved, and obtain my last two doctor appointment records, and the echo-cardiogram report, and get those in.  Ugh!  Days have been running into nights.  I have been more fuddled than usual.  I have to sort things out.  Can't sleep, can't be awake, can't function.  Will send out some information today, try to get help.

Other things.  I can't seem to get caught back up.  Sinking.  The house is a mess, and I can't get to it.  Two months on medication.  A new medication coming in.  I am surprised it isn't here.  I should check on that.  Oh, I think someone at the V.A. called recently.  A message, two?  I... haven't... been doing well.  I'll get to those today.

Too much.  Can't think.  Can't sleep.  Can't wake.  There.  I feel... a bit better.  When your diary is your confessor, but you aren't even talking to it?  It builds.  A cup of kefir and then, waking?  And then on to other things?  Ugh.  If I can stay awake.  Heartburn from stress and no sleep.  Bleh.  Later.

Something new sometimes works out.

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Something about her... though.

She caused memories.  Of various sorts.

All the symptoms, but... it couldn't be!

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The sweats, seeing stars (without doing anything to cause it), that falling feeling, dizziness, nausea... a few other things to boot.  All at once, getting worse.  Couldn't be blood sugar.  I just ate mashed potatoes with some of the nearly last bits of chicken stew.  And, last night, I thought I had this feeling, so ate two whole rolls of carb tabs.

I have eaten... consumed... between three and four cups of kefir, plus the potato chicken mix today.  I was certain blood sugar would be high, after last night at two days of the potato thing.  I am eating leftovers of it, after eating it yesterday.  And, yesterday, I had a large veggie plate, with guac.  Hmmm...

Still, only one way to be sure.  I really didn't want to eat more carb tabs, unless I was sure.  Strange.  Blood sugar was 51 just an hour after tators and chicken stew.  I have since been gnawing on sugar tabs.  Whatever.

Ducklings are down to four.  I put mom and chicks in the outbuilding, with food.  I'll have to figure out water, too.  Ramekins?  I would like some of them to make it.  Out in the open they just won't.  Might not even closed up.  Live and learn.  But I hate this lethal learning curve.

One more roll?  Or should I figure out something real to eat?  It depends if I can stand, and how I am doing, in an half hour.  Very odd.   

So very late.

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Sassy tried.  I didn't bother with the alarm, as at this point it merely confounds things.  Better to sleep until I wake rather than fighting an alarm, only to destroy any peace I might possibly glean from sleep.  I didn't mind Sassy.  What I don't like is how she realizes opening the curtain, letting the light in, gets me to stir.  If I'm not ready to stir, though, it just gives me a headache.  I have started wearing a cap to bed.  Did it in the winter, really, for warmth.  But it turns out, it keeps the light out when I have to sleep in the day.  The thing is, as much as I flip and flop while sleeping, it slips up often.  Often even falling off.  Though, with summer approaching, I am not certain how much longer I can wear it.  Heat is an issue.

Anyway.  It is just about 15:00.  I woke a quarter 'til or so.  Temp is 63 outside, 68 indoors.  I'll spend a bit of time waking, get a shower, then do chores.  Anything else possible.  I had a headache I kept trying to dive into sleep to avoid.  It has eased as I woke, or a bit before?  Minor aches and pains through the night, but these too seem to have passed.  Groggy still, so... but usually passing means going or gone.  Save for a small part of that headache.  I won't take anything for it.  I have not taken pain pills for a while... I had been on them too much there for a week.  Needed them, could use it now, but... better, and need to dry out from them.

While not in pain, I am feeling like jello.  Not sure why.  Not much strength.  Still, I'd like to try to do a few things around the house, perhaps outdoors.  It would be a good day to get out.  And any day is a good day to work, if I can.  A bit of waking, first.  Fed the girls, right away.  Will hit their litter before chores... keep up on it, I hope.

Eggs and bacon?  Yea, probably.  If I can wake.  Later.

One, then the other.

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Sometimes they just pop.  One works, then next shows up, and a final one just because... if the colors were right as well.  Nothing spooky, mostly.

Not much.

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Chores.  Cats have been fed.  Their litter needs fixed, but... gah!  As well, since the new waterers are in, I refilled all of the waterers.  The close cages needed all their waterers reset, four of the close ones needed food, none of the others did.  Very odd.  But, hey, I'm not going to judge.

It looks like there are eight ducklings remaining.  I enjoy watching them.  Mom is peculiar, though even about other ducks getting too close.  If there is a problem, she just leaves and they follow.  I try to avoid getting close, I don't want her to have to leave.  I do wish I could hold them, play with them, but... I won't.

It is down to 63, strangely enough, last I looked.  Even with the sun out, it didn't warm much.  Still, it was 52 yesterday, at this time.  Hmm, it is clouding back up again.  It may well rain more, and cool off.  They say the dam is at 90%.  Perhaps that can be topped off?  *grins*  Oh, yes.  They may all end up topped off.

The extra pot, for the instapot, is here.  Which is good.  The first one is in the fridge, with chicken soup.  Though I may pull some out tonight, and make a soup or stew, with fresh veggies again.  Still, it wouldn't be bad to do a pork or beef roast, as well.  Then, all I have to do is go to town once every week or two, for fresh veggies to add.  Broccoli and cauliflower this time, peas to split and perhaps root veggies, and maybe several other sorts, on hand, for variety through the week or two.  It really is good, especially when I sort out how to add the right amount of fats, or veggie to meat balance, or how long and how to cook the veggies.

Today I have only had kefir.  I have been eating wrongly, in part because I haven't been able to cook well, or clean up pots, pans, or the kitchen, in order to cook.  I am getting back on track, I hope.  And the second instapot pot will help.  I do what I can, but the cool is kicking my butt.  Even when turning the furnace up, it... I... I'm... it exhausts me.  I'll keep trying.

On to... something or other.  Dinner?  Yes, that would be good.  If... when... I can get going with it.  Later.

Oh?

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I didn't even bother with the alarms last night.  I couldn't sleep until 04:00 or so.  Oh, I wanted to sleep.  It sometimes doesn't matter.  Sleep was good.  Just woke at about 13:00, and maybe some change.  I can't really remember.  No matter how many times I look at the clock, sometimes memory will not happen.

Dreams.  For the second night in a row.  And while not completely similar, they had similar elements.  Picking on my fear of heights, then exaggerating them as only dreams can do.  Exhilarating, if tense and frightening.  The right mix of this and that so that fear is known and present, but not crippling.

In the dream last night, I found myself homeless, but on a very slow, leisurely, hike... up in the mountains, headed toward, perhaps, a new home somewhere.  I ended up at a camp, where other mountain vagabonds were gathering.  Most of us looking for some sort of work, for money, or food and lodging,  perhaps a bit of both.  Having a clean camp, with facilities to tend oneself rightly, and generally better company than in cities, it was possibly a new home.

Couldn't do a lot of work.  Just... picking up camp, or helping cooking or serving meals, from time to time.  Doing enough to be welcome, more if able but that wasn't always the case.  Some of us caught the eye of an old-timer.  Not really a part of the camp, a neighboring resident.  He started showing us around the area, he had an able 4x4 Ford, he had modified greatly... even doing some of the work himself.

He took us up paths few vehicles could go.  Old logging roads, old mining stakes were shown, and even up to places which had no road and were generally only visible by the odd hiker or from a distance... a vista from a different mountain.  It was a trip to the latter, where things got tense.

He was taking us up to a lookout point, on the literal top of one of the mountains.  It was a unique structure, almost as if a small parking lot hat been created up there, which it had but through totally natural works.  Cliffs on all but one side, sheer most of them, with a thousand feet or more on the sheerest side, straight down.

As we were getting up there, all the other guys got out.  I did too, but held onto the back gate, and road up with him.  At the last forty feet, he gunned it.  I... being terrified, clung on for dear life.  In the moment, afraid to let go, if not sure I should be holding on either.

At the last second, he slammed on the breaks and twisted the wheel.  The truck careened against a boulder, and still nearly tipped over it, off one of the cliffs, before settling back on her wheels.  I ran into the side of the truck, then went down, not hurt or damaged, just quite shaken.

He thought the whole thing was funny.  And, had I noticed, the far side of the truck looks to have done this before.  He said he did it quite by accident the first time, but had since perfected it.  I told him I could have gotten hurt, or it could have gone wrong this time.  He just laughed.  Ugh!  But I was mad.  And still jelly, inside.

-----------------

In the next dream,  from last night, I ended up on a super duper highway.  I don't even know how else to describe it.  I've been on triple and quad(?) overpasses and such, reaching fifty feet in the air, more.  But these were, say, two hundred feet up?  And for no apparent reason?  I suppose express lanes to specific areas, many miles away?

Right.  Anyway, I was headed back to the mountains.  This time more as I am now, and driving the little car.  It almost seemed like a business trip, but the purposes of the trip was never understood in the dream.  So, on I drove, on this monstrous multi-lane, sky-high, interstate road, toward the mountains.

It was probably a three to four hour drive.  I reached the destination.  I now wonder what would happen if someone ran out of gas?  A service runner, charging exorbitant fees?  Then again, they would have an eight hour run, just to deliver gas... so... yeah.

After getting into the mountains, after what, for me, was white-knuckled driving for four hours, I still had to drive mountain pass after mountain passes, near cliffs which were even higher and just as cut off, but at least there was the ground under me and a real side to the road... usually.

Something had gone wrong, though.  With people.  I stopped at a gas station.  They had gas, but the place was swarmed, so there was no way to get to the bathroom.  People where hiking up into the mountains to relieve themselves.  Some had t.p., some had tissues or other wipes, others had nothing.  I headed up, but had a group of women following me.  I couldn't lose them, and I didn't want to go with a group.  I got them to a place where they could go, and headed back.

Later, down the road, I found a spot and took care of that.  Yes, I keep t.p. in the vehicle.  Having done that, I started trying to sort out what the swarm of people was about.  The radio was my only real source.  If you could believe it was real news, and not some War of the Worlds type programming, then something serious was going on.

From reports of werewolves and other were creatures, to reports of the dead having risen, or returned to life after having been killed by the other creatures.  Unstoppable?  Or in such large numbers, dealing with them was difficult?  Mixed reports, and the reports were all... mixed up.  Couldn't tell which one to believe.  Little of it first hand, just called in, with perhaps a few ancillary accounts.

The area I was in was suggesting we drive to a specific ruin.  An old, ancient, stone fort, purportedly a native holy site for a tribe which no longer existed.  That is where I went.  We all got settled in.  Those of us with firearms, or other weapons, were set as guards.  We were in the upper chambers, so we could see farther.

Whatever was out there was reported to be heading straight for us.  This was as safe a place as we could create.  And they were coming.  They started to arrive, a few at a time.  A few people, out stretching their legs, came running back.  Some of them, most of them, made it.  A few slower walkers were eviscerated as they sought escape.

Monsters of various types began trying to get into camp.  Long guns, and even pistols, pretty much put them down, or slowed them enough that they could be killed.  Or so it was seeming.  One always wondered if the monsters would come back as undead, or if the undead would rise again.  But... from what I was seeing, not so much.  Dead seemed to be dead.

We were holding our own.  Some of the people were killed.  Couldn't protect them all.  They started to realize we were shooting them from the second and third tiers of the ancient temple, so a few came after us, and got a few of us.  But, by that time, they were nearly finished.

The dream ended there.  It was mostly over, and looked like we had won.  Plus... I had a shit ton of toilet paper left.  And I wasn't sharing unless Sharen was caring.  :p  Well, that last part I made up.  But I did have a lot of toilet paper.  And I wasn't sharing.

I didn't really mind the monsters, it was driving on the super duper interstate, and on those cliffs, which got me.  Monsters are just another kind of animal.  At least, since we were able to put them down.  What dreams!

-----------------

Just a bit groggy.  A bit sore.  But good.  It is still overcast.  But the temp is up to 65, while there is a cool to cold breeze to wind which passes through from time to time.  I need a bit of time to wake.  The ducks look to have both water and food out there still.  And the rabbits seem to be okay, from the back door.  I'll... go do a real check in an hour or two.  Ugh.  Good afternoon and day.

Well, some of it.

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Chores weren't started until 17:30 or so.  The ducks still had food, rain has given them drink, plus the pool always has some water in it.  The rabbits were all fine, waterwise.  A few were low or mostly out of food.  But that is fine.  I did change the waterers out in the outbuilding.  For whatever reason, they drink a lot more out there.  Is the building simply warmer?  Or?  All good.

It got to 55 out there, the highest I saw it.  Which was still rather cool.  Cross breezes, and cool ones, plus occasional spits of rain or such, all added to a cold feel.  Nothing too troubling.  I have the house up to 74, I needed some warmth, after trying to go with the furnace for a bit.  Even so, the front room is 68.  I have it lightly shut off from the main house, but not completely.

I have consumed kefir, but it really wasn't ripe enough.  Still, it is better than drinking raw milk, for keto.  All good.  But, I really need something more.  I am sure I have meat thawed in the fridge, which is still good.  And it is cool enough that baking something might be just fine.  As well, I'll have veggies and dip, probably just guacamole... while I wait for something to bake.

Feeling a bit better.  Other than the cold getting to me sometimes, and minor recovery.  Whatever else is going on, it looks like healing is back on track a bit.  My arms had accumulated scratches, for weeks, months most likely.  Those are healing over, some of the cuts anyway.  Either the other healing, from the fall and from a bit of effort, combined to begin healing on the skin too, or... I have acclimated to medicine, and that is helping.  Never can be sure.

On to setting up foods, getting a tray for snacks, and watching something.  Later.

Yea, but I made it to noon.

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As well, the last thing I saw outside, as I was crashing, was recycling being picked up.  Then I fell so hard and fast... was already crashing but that made the trip easier... that I don't remember much else until a few minutes ago.  Just a small change spot before 16:00, I woke.

An easy enough wake.  The nap has soothed nerve endings which were a bit raw from whichever event or cause, but hadn't quite begun screaming.  Still a bit groggy, if I think from the depth of the sleep.  All good.  It... is what I could do.  Still cloudy.  Don't know if it rained more.  Very possibly.

Oh, and my mother called.  She was surprised I hadn't called her in a week.  Well... I told her... I thought you were upset that I called you again, Friday.  Nope, just waking up, so a bit off, says she.  Well?  Then?  I will continue to call and check on her twice a week.  I don't need the pettiness of "I called last time, or... someone should call me sometimes".  They will, if they feel like it.  I don't mind taking the lead, and being associative.  Plus, I like checking on her, and hearing her voice.  I know... there will soon come a time when that isn't available.  Whether she moves in, or not ever.  Time can't be had back.  Or certain company.  Enjoy it while it is here or... lose it.  Still, it's a race to the end, I think for all of us.  I might yet win!  :p

Eyes were still gluey.  That last ran some windshield cleaner across the blinkers.

I still have to wake a bit, but chores when I can.  And something to eat?  I am hungry, just not hungry enough to eat?  Hmm, peanut butter and/or guacamole, with raw carrots and celery?  That would be easy enough.  Some protein, the better sort of carbs, and some fat, but not the best proportions.  Still, it's... something.  Later.

Cool out there.

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I thought about chores.  It's 45 outside, and looking to become stormy again.  The potential is written across the sky.  Beautiful, but I am not quite up to facing it.  My eyes are open, glued that way with whatever it was that was oozing out while initially waking, not really open for their own reasons... give or take.

Medicine is in.  Though I have missed with insulin the last few days.  Always something being forgotten.  Kefir is back in play.  It failed, because I messed up.  Still, it's back in production.  And, another jar of the stuff will be added.  It sort of puts me to mind of the stuff the creature from "The Blob" is made of... a living thing in the fridge.  Still, it really is tasty, makes two of my meals easy, and adds digestive power to anything else I eat, meaning keto sins are slightly covered... especially with a smaller drink of kefir with it.

Ah!  The trash just got taken!  The one I was most worried about.  I wish I had been able to get litter sorted and out, but it just didn't work that way.  I couldn't push.  As well, it is a good thing I thought it was 10:00 mistakenly.  If I had just waken, at the real 10:00... right now... I would have been too late.  May well have missed recycling, but that... should be okay.  Three small bags filling the bottom half/third... which could easily be crushed down... cat food tins, mostly.

I... so want to go back to bed.  I fear being up a few hours, then crashing, not getting chores until far later than hoped.  It is doable.  The ducks forage, and it has been raining so there is moisture here and there.  They still have food.  It might be wet, but... it's... they... are ducks.  Ducks do wet.  And the rabbits were well sorted yesterday afternoon.  It's... not them, it's me.  I... want to try to do a regular, or more regular, day.  It's... a goal, a hope, a...  I am losing the day.  I don't think I can save it.

Still, it's been a pretty good run, after an excellent run, and on top of starting medicine.  That put the nubs on a lot of things, but I was mostly able to keep to days... if not do much.  I am still not doing much, but... chores, cats, and some personal feeding duties, mostly.  Even shaving, more often lately, and a few small things.

Today?  If I can, hitting the kitchen and bathroom.  Chores have to be done, cats and myself have to be fed.  Trying to stay up, if I think that will fail in an hour or three.  Chores will have to wait.  I can't get out there.  Too cold for me quite yet, in this exhausted state.  But I can feed the girls, and... goof until I collapse.  Later.

Up, in a hurry.

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I forgot to get trash out.  And recycling.  I had the alarms set for 06:00 and 09:00.  I woke, at about 04:39 or something, and knew 06:00 wouldn't work, so I shut it off.  I then woke at about 08:47, and realized 09:00 wasn't going to work.  But... maybe 10:00 would?  So I reset the alarm for 10:00.  I then woke at about 09:43 (all partials subject to extreme approximations, perhaps, but within ten minutes).  

I realized trash wasn't out.  Wasn't sure if this was a recycling day.  So, up and out I went.  I got what I have out to the curb.  I don't know if I am too late.  Recycling is, or used to be, rather early.  But not always.  Trash is usually later, but, then again, not always.  The saving portion is, somehow my alarm was bumped and is on central time.  So, while it read ~09:43, it was actually 08:43.  Bleh.

So tired... sleepy really.  Tired is a different thing.  My eyes burn.  Internals still hurt, but it's a nice, warming, steady pain.  I am almost getting used to it.  Heck, it is almost comfortable.  Even the shoulder blades hurt, from twitching my shoulder... either in sympathy, or to try to stretch things out in there.  My body does it's thing, I just... am along for the ride sometimes.

Still, I am up.  Once up, that is, probably, just that.  Eyes... burn...

As I wake, for the next hour or two, I will listen.  If a truck rumbles through, I am hoping to look out, see what I might have made.  Would like to get the cat litter changed, and out, but... not sure I can.  Ugh... push!  So sleepy, sore as consciousness coalesces, thoughts swirl as I try to focus, like walking through the fog... but as part of it.  Not sure which is more disturbed, one by the other or the obverse?  Only if I am a portion of fog myself?  Sometimes the weaker version, sometimes stronger than what is before me, us.

Monday?  Who invented that day!  Oh, right.  God.  Never le minde.  Later.

Finished, with chores.

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It cleared, mostly, and warmed to 52 by the time I started.  It seemed warm enough, comfortable even.  So, on to it.  Feeding ducks, turning their water on for a bit, then getting more rabbit feed in and loading the feed bucket.  On out to the outbuilding.  As it went, there was enough food, but I was two waterers shy.

I have an even number of waterers, but the rabbits drink at different paces.  They are all mini rexes, I think, out there.  Definitely minis.  But their sizes vary.  I have a tiny male and a huge female, in that lot.  I think.  Anyway... so one more trip.  However, all the waterers needed filling, so I did that first.

As I was heading out, with enough to water all, plus enough for a second waterer whenever needed, I realized it was getting cold.  Strangely, when I returned from that, I checked the temp.  It was up to 55 F.  Warmer but felt colder?  Ah... it had started to cloud over again, and the wind had picked up and was colder.  It isn't steady, but it had been calm.  Further, it was a cool to cold wind.

Spring weather, but definitely shying toward the cool side.  All good.  I am just grateful for a break so that I  could get to it without getting wet.  Cold.  My fingers.  Chilled, to the bone.  I'll set up soup, soon.  Hmm, it's... only 67 in here.  Strange.  But I'll take it.  I have the furnace set at 66.  Might have to set it to 70.  Trying not to use the furnace, but even I have limits... especially when trying to dress like it's warmly spring or even summer.  Bleh.  I'll figure it out.

Have a good day.  Later.

Dark, cool, raining.

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Sprinkling, for sure.  I tended the closer rabbits, but it started raining.  I espyed Kay and ducklings, still nine.  But then it started sprinkling.  I just wasn't ready to be out in it.  Some days I will happily go out in the rain.  Today isn't one of them.  I will wait a bit, then get the other rabbits managed.  And toss food out for the ducks.

I got to bed, if a little later than intended.  Just couldn't quite sleep.  But, by 02:00, I was down.  I slept well.  Waking was a bear though.  I had the 06:00 and 09:00 alarm, plus two hungry cats, to wake me.  Nothing.  I tried.  Each chance I saw, I did what I could.  Nope.

It was 13:15, or later by up to fifteen more minutes (I think), before I was able to wake.  And it hurt.  It definitely isn't organs in there, if they can hurt if they get in the way of whatever is going on in there.  If felt rather fresh, and raw, as if I had been kicked by a mule a few days ago.

It is just he healing process from the fall.  I tightened up, and that may have saved organ damage, but it did hurt the muscles.  Bloating, as there is probably still some bleeding in there.  Not a lot, just... enough.  Between that and healing, it hurts pretty good.

Still, I was able to get up off my floor sleeping pad fairly well.  I have learned how to rise, with various pains and sufferings.  If the left elbow roll and leg push doesn't do it, go right.  There are several other ways out and up.  Whichever seems to be hurting less, go that way.  Unless the pain is a good pain, and helps something, then use that.  Pain... isn't always the wrong way.  Sometimes, too, it is the only way.

All good.  I'll... spend some time waking, then get the rest of the bunnies and the ducks and ducklings.  I... do enjoy watching momma and younglings.  Reminds me of times past.  Too bad most of you don't remember being small.  There are parts that are embarrassing.  But if you can go back to within the memory, who you were then, it... wasn't so bad.  Mostly.  :p

I... may renege on my suggestion.  I may have to take tylenol.  It's rough in there.

I'll set up a pot of soup for later.  Fresh veggies added.  I found the lid for the instapot pot, so it's in the fridge.  I have an extra pot coming, so I can have two foods cooked and in the fridge, without needed more and more containers.  Ugh.  That should be enough?  Oh, I would like one more refrigerator lid for the instapot pots.  It just works better.  I also found that I had a glass lid, for using it for other cooking things, or just a topper to let it cool more efficiently.

Get to church!  Or... if you did, good on you.  If you are going to a later service, add a prayer for me?  Oh, and... if you have already gone, but are bent toward God, would you kindly say hello for me?  I don't need anything, just a hello through another will do.  Later.

Chicken stew, in the pot.

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I... just had to keep going.  The sausage and sauerkraut was okay, but it just didn't hit the spot.  I ignored my own advice, more out of habit and being tired than simply not heeding my notions.  I put the veggies on 0 minute cooking.  And, again, they ended up overcooked.  I did get the meat more correctly done.  Though shaving a bit more time off would be okay.   Live and learn, and try not to cook while tired.

Up later than hoped, longer than wanted.  But still going to bed far earlier than I have been.  This time I think I can sleep.  I could have slept as early as 19:00~21:00.  Easily, perhaps earlier.  I just needed to eat, and was slogging.  Then I wanted something even more to eat.  So hungry, so tired... sleepy... stuck between those in a very difficult way.

In four days I will have taken my medicine, missing only one day fully, for two months.  It's not a record.  But it probably is a record for when starting medicine back up after a long outage.  That is very rough waters.  I usually miss a day or three for the first few weeks, then a day or two a week for the next month or two, until it settles.  While it has been rather cool, it has also been... static, rather tame as to changes.  No drastic ups and downs.  I think that was more of it than anything else.  I do my honest best, it... just... isn't all that much when everything is against me.

Internals hurt, but it really isn't the organs.  I thought it felt different.  It's from the fall.  That tore and ripped some things.  I am very good at handling pain, even... unusual, or new, types of pain.  No tylenol recently.  I try to just do that once a week, but had to take more there for a bit.  It hurts enough, easily, to take tylenol even today, and yesterday.  And on back.  I... will wait until next week.

Oh, something else about chicken?  If you strip the skin?  Better add butter.  You NEED fat.  I was wondering why the last few chicken soups/stews were off.  That is why.  Butter adds that needed fat.  Chicken is too lean, probably even with the skin in.  I will probably add butter when I do chicken from now on, almost no matter what else.  However, I need to get unsalted butter.  Yeah.

Later...  Wait... no, good night.  Sleep well, I know I will.