.
.
Not much of a choice. I needed the nap. I woke during it but could not break the spell but for moments. Sleep was good, I seemed to need it, so be it. Sam and Sassy joined me, at times. In the end they just wanted me to wake. Not so much for food, though sometimes they confuse(?) one sleep time with another. Generally, I think, they know I only feed in the morning (wet/canned cat food). But if they think they can trip the system and get food off schedule, they will. My becoming healthier must suck. Then again, they don't go, possibly, days without food now. Although there is always dry food, which I keep out and let them eat at will. These cats have almost never known even hunger save by choice. They both also hunt. Sam is am absolute master in class. Sassy... will get it if it's in the house, but more for territory and play. I don't think she prefers mice. Sam finds them absolutely delicious.
Dreams. My sleep has been full of them, but they aren't surfacing as I wake. Something about a woman, tripping around my psychic demesne. But I don't think that is a dream, because that happens even when I am awake. If I had to say, I would guess there are two of them. For good or ill, in love or malice, though with women, is there always a difference? They as often hate with love as love with hate, and they wonder why we do just what we do without heed to their neurosis. If the more common meanings for neurosis and psychosis, that one is a lack of understanding and grounding in the real and the latter is and understanding of the real but extreme dislike, that might explain a powerful part of the male and female, and prove the theory that the one deserves the other. Cheers? Some think, sometimes, that I am being snarky. Promises. That... isn't snark. It isn't even a bark, let alone a bite. It's... just a note... a possibility.
Uhm, today? Is it today? No snark. You probably have no idea what living in this sort of exhaustion is like. It has returned. And, while I fight through it, that only accelerates the... depth of the fog. And, yet, I know, if I just sit there the fog will just remain. Risks either way. I'll take the risk of action over the risk of inaction. I would, despite all written and played here, despise being a woman, trapped in fear and inaction, and in part by nature. It's not all their fault, it is simply the way, for them, quite often, that it has to be. They cannot ask, they can only... respond. And, this carries through to much else. It is why they are wanted, by those who want America to fail, in certain positions.
I don't know if I will get to anything. I have a number of tasks on the list. If I can wake properly some or all may be possible. Or I'll just string out as much time as I can... or little as if I can get back to bed so as to wake more in the day I will. I'm sort of stuck between neither and nor. I'd like to get back to either and or. Innit? Later.
Saturday, October 8, 2016
I was wondering.
.
.
Once she fell into the trap, knowingly or not, would she simply flee? Or would she, as I have sensed before, attempt to touch the hem of my cloak? Evidence is what it is. Old songs, and some new ones, but of a sort that would be understood personally. You, dear reader, only have... these things are stories, tall tales at best. You might enjoy them, or they might terrify you. She? She knew these. She didn't believe, even living them, but for fear not because she knew better. They really can't look into some parts of the world, men, monsters, or nephilim. Women are terrified of some things.
In no particular order, mostly. Yes, old and some new. She has been watching, perhaps she is catching up after getting bored and dropping off.
.
Once she fell into the trap, knowingly or not, would she simply flee? Or would she, as I have sensed before, attempt to touch the hem of my cloak? Evidence is what it is. Old songs, and some new ones, but of a sort that would be understood personally. You, dear reader, only have... these things are stories, tall tales at best. You might enjoy them, or they might terrify you. She? She knew these. She didn't believe, even living them, but for fear not because she knew better. They really can't look into some parts of the world, men, monsters, or nephilim. Women are terrified of some things.
In no particular order, mostly. Yes, old and some new. She has been watching, perhaps she is catching up after getting bored and dropping off.
Oh, right.
.
.
Hunger is more under control today. It was outrageous yesterday. I had to steal bases, and do what I had to do. I was, mostly, able to cope. Brutal though. Today the plan is to continue with the fasting, on to Sunday evening. Yeah, three days, give or take, but for now just on the weekends. I think I like doing it starting Thursday nights. Then I'm fed and ready for the week when Monday rolls it's mean ass in and plunks it for me to kick or run. Watch the feet, crack kills. Huh?
I haven't been doing much work. I've, sort of, gotten confused with the organization things. I have a group of items which could go in the firearm cleaning and maintenance, the tool, or... another... area. I just can't quite get past it, so a pileup has occurred. Well, and I don't have a place for those sections, not all of them, quite yet. I mean I do, but they are in disarray. Yeah. And they aren't, even per, fully centralized. Gah! I'll... get more to work on that.
As well, I hope to find paperwork to take care of one final major piece of business. Time will tell if I can, but I think so. By early to mid next week I should be fairly well organized, businesswise, to begin organizing some other things in various ways. Huh? Oh, don't worry. I'm just doing what I can is all I am saying, and maybe a bit more. I am almost getting clever as to just keeping up and planning ahead a bit. It's a brutal world, more so for those so close to death. What of the world isn't trying to finish you is trying to rob you blind. There are a few with good intentions. Treat these well.
Hmm... beside organizing, I need to get the trash out, boxes broken down and ready to go by being put right into the hatch when done, and the kitchen and bathroom need to be nuked from space. I am still well ahead... I got ahead by probably twenty paces. But I have slid in those areas by a good five paces. Back at it, I guess. Later in the day though. Perhaps after a late morning nap? Yeah. Gotta wake up and tinker yet. I should pull some meats out to thaw too, for the early week. Takes a bit and I will be hungry. Later.
.
Hunger is more under control today. It was outrageous yesterday. I had to steal bases, and do what I had to do. I was, mostly, able to cope. Brutal though. Today the plan is to continue with the fasting, on to Sunday evening. Yeah, three days, give or take, but for now just on the weekends. I think I like doing it starting Thursday nights. Then I'm fed and ready for the week when Monday rolls it's mean ass in and plunks it for me to kick or run. Watch the feet, crack kills. Huh?
I haven't been doing much work. I've, sort of, gotten confused with the organization things. I have a group of items which could go in the firearm cleaning and maintenance, the tool, or... another... area. I just can't quite get past it, so a pileup has occurred. Well, and I don't have a place for those sections, not all of them, quite yet. I mean I do, but they are in disarray. Yeah. And they aren't, even per, fully centralized. Gah! I'll... get more to work on that.
As well, I hope to find paperwork to take care of one final major piece of business. Time will tell if I can, but I think so. By early to mid next week I should be fairly well organized, businesswise, to begin organizing some other things in various ways. Huh? Oh, don't worry. I'm just doing what I can is all I am saying, and maybe a bit more. I am almost getting clever as to just keeping up and planning ahead a bit. It's a brutal world, more so for those so close to death. What of the world isn't trying to finish you is trying to rob you blind. There are a few with good intentions. Treat these well.
Hmm... beside organizing, I need to get the trash out, boxes broken down and ready to go by being put right into the hatch when done, and the kitchen and bathroom need to be nuked from space. I am still well ahead... I got ahead by probably twenty paces. But I have slid in those areas by a good five paces. Back at it, I guess. Later in the day though. Perhaps after a late morning nap? Yeah. Gotta wake up and tinker yet. I should pull some meats out to thaw too, for the early week. Takes a bit and I will be hungry. Later.
I pushed, did well.
.
.
I didn't get much done. I called the doctor. They called back but I didn't hear the call. I guess medicines won't be reset until next Tuesday or Wednesday. Whatevs. I did stay awake until 16:00, give or take. Meaning my days and nights are getting sorted again. It was interesting speaking with my last, and her finding out that I sleep, and wake, every day now. She was almost shocked. Now the term "day" has slightly different meanings for me and for you. You live in a 24 hour day, I live in a Picasso day which can vary from 16 to 36 hours or something. And, yet, that is different from my "day", a period of sleep and waking, taking up a week or two in sum total. You would think that sort of thing would permanently damage something in the brain... something would overheat, or stretch as in recording media of some sorts, or become burned in like televisions and monitors... especially for as many years as it went on. To think that even a bit of heart medicine, the right kind, could have helped so long ago.
Though, even when they realized what it was, or admitted it(?), it was quite difficult to find medicine that worked without making my already horrid existence worse. They didn't care. I think the V.A. is simply supposed to sling out medicine as fast as they can. Maybe I am wrong. But it just doesn't seem right. In my condition, then an now, I have to fight just to stand or think sometimes. I can't allow that to be encroached, if by those who might seem to trying to be doing it for my good. A notch down, especially from where I was, was death. I have a bit more room to negotiate, and yet even so will negotiate in a mean sob sort of way. I can't afford all that much. A big part of their income comes from medicine, somehow. Their interests are split and the customer will lose his ass if he doesn't keep his head on a swivel. I've seen medicine crippled men toted in by their wives. First, I don't have a wife, second, I wouldn't allow her or them to do that to me "for my own good".
Still fighting. Mostly dead and I won't really give an inch. Although, to be fair, I have given doctors and medicines more than a reasonable shake. These medicines, I was told, would become easier to tolerate as well as improve my condition so as to need less or handle the effects better. Nope. The medicines, even after years, never really did more than add just a tiny bit of improvement. I have wiggled that into, comparatively, a vast life... with long, mid, and short term memory that is pretty okay, the ability to focus enough to work and think sometimes, and even play sudoku with a best time at five seconds. I couldn't have done that before. Now, I won't ever write a novel, or a sonata, I won't learn seven languages or even recapture the three I had down fairly well to very well, I won't learn to play a violin, or put a masters or doctorate level presentation together. But I will enjoy a relatively, even now, elevated capacity to imagine, write, think, and play. Perhaps becoming more physical, especially if Alaska is in the cards.
I think medicine has spent it's wad. I think it has improved about as much as possible. I will continue taking it, due to needing a doctor script to drive. If I get to Alaska medicine will be the first thing to go. For many reasons, availability being one. Though, who knows. If I think they are helping, or at least not hurting, and a doc up there is up to offering six month scripts and a lenient refill counter, can handle being seen every few years since I'll be dumping my driver license, perhaps I could continue. Who knows. I keep saying it's a year off. It's more like two years away. So long as my license stays in play, I have a bit more time to order my life, arrange things, and get more fully ready for the road. Then again, for a few years, it might not be bad to have wheels, too.
I dreamed, yesterday night, about fighting. Not physical combat, but debate. It was with Vox. I didn't like something he was proposing. He didn't like something I was suggesting. We both walked from the program... for a bit. I, for my part, realized my pride was the issue. Not the baby with the bathwater, so some say. I don't know his gig, he can be rather tight lipped, until he punches you. Maybe even then. Or I just don't hear things. Anyway, we ended up back at the table. Yeah. It means I am voting for Trump, if I can hump it to the polls. It isn't for Trump, it isn't even against Hillary. It isn't for a broken social, or civil. It's because the tribe has decided this is the thing to do and I am, in a very loose way, tribal. So... yeah.
Hey, I best get on to something else. Sleepily blathering like a darned fool. No defense, guilty as charged. But, then... why are you still reading? :p Good morning and day.
.
I didn't get much done. I called the doctor. They called back but I didn't hear the call. I guess medicines won't be reset until next Tuesday or Wednesday. Whatevs. I did stay awake until 16:00, give or take. Meaning my days and nights are getting sorted again. It was interesting speaking with my last, and her finding out that I sleep, and wake, every day now. She was almost shocked. Now the term "day" has slightly different meanings for me and for you. You live in a 24 hour day, I live in a Picasso day which can vary from 16 to 36 hours or something. And, yet, that is different from my "day", a period of sleep and waking, taking up a week or two in sum total. You would think that sort of thing would permanently damage something in the brain... something would overheat, or stretch as in recording media of some sorts, or become burned in like televisions and monitors... especially for as many years as it went on. To think that even a bit of heart medicine, the right kind, could have helped so long ago.
Though, even when they realized what it was, or admitted it(?), it was quite difficult to find medicine that worked without making my already horrid existence worse. They didn't care. I think the V.A. is simply supposed to sling out medicine as fast as they can. Maybe I am wrong. But it just doesn't seem right. In my condition, then an now, I have to fight just to stand or think sometimes. I can't allow that to be encroached, if by those who might seem to trying to be doing it for my good. A notch down, especially from where I was, was death. I have a bit more room to negotiate, and yet even so will negotiate in a mean sob sort of way. I can't afford all that much. A big part of their income comes from medicine, somehow. Their interests are split and the customer will lose his ass if he doesn't keep his head on a swivel. I've seen medicine crippled men toted in by their wives. First, I don't have a wife, second, I wouldn't allow her or them to do that to me "for my own good".
Still fighting. Mostly dead and I won't really give an inch. Although, to be fair, I have given doctors and medicines more than a reasonable shake. These medicines, I was told, would become easier to tolerate as well as improve my condition so as to need less or handle the effects better. Nope. The medicines, even after years, never really did more than add just a tiny bit of improvement. I have wiggled that into, comparatively, a vast life... with long, mid, and short term memory that is pretty okay, the ability to focus enough to work and think sometimes, and even play sudoku with a best time at five seconds. I couldn't have done that before. Now, I won't ever write a novel, or a sonata, I won't learn seven languages or even recapture the three I had down fairly well to very well, I won't learn to play a violin, or put a masters or doctorate level presentation together. But I will enjoy a relatively, even now, elevated capacity to imagine, write, think, and play. Perhaps becoming more physical, especially if Alaska is in the cards.
I think medicine has spent it's wad. I think it has improved about as much as possible. I will continue taking it, due to needing a doctor script to drive. If I get to Alaska medicine will be the first thing to go. For many reasons, availability being one. Though, who knows. If I think they are helping, or at least not hurting, and a doc up there is up to offering six month scripts and a lenient refill counter, can handle being seen every few years since I'll be dumping my driver license, perhaps I could continue. Who knows. I keep saying it's a year off. It's more like two years away. So long as my license stays in play, I have a bit more time to order my life, arrange things, and get more fully ready for the road. Then again, for a few years, it might not be bad to have wheels, too.
I dreamed, yesterday night, about fighting. Not physical combat, but debate. It was with Vox. I didn't like something he was proposing. He didn't like something I was suggesting. We both walked from the program... for a bit. I, for my part, realized my pride was the issue. Not the baby with the bathwater, so some say. I don't know his gig, he can be rather tight lipped, until he punches you. Maybe even then. Or I just don't hear things. Anyway, we ended up back at the table. Yeah. It means I am voting for Trump, if I can hump it to the polls. It isn't for Trump, it isn't even against Hillary. It isn't for a broken social, or civil. It's because the tribe has decided this is the thing to do and I am, in a very loose way, tribal. So... yeah.
Hey, I best get on to something else. Sleepily blathering like a darned fool. No defense, guilty as charged. But, then... why are you still reading? :p Good morning and day.
Friday, October 7, 2016
Oh, right, well?
.
.
Hungry. No, let me clarify. HUNGRY. That isn't it.
Yeah, I'll be eating. Never did get to fat bombs. Beside being hungry I am exhausted. What's up with that I don't know. Everything is just at least a twist out of sorts.
My mother called today. I had called her the other day, but she was on the run. I've learned patience. Have any of you noted that we aren't very patient as creatures? It's a talent, one without guarantees. Then again if you are too patient you will end up dying in a waiting room, innit. Anyway, I have learned to just wait a bit, and she... and others... will deal with things in their due, when they have a chance, a breath, and all. All good.
I also contacted my doctor office, set up an appointment, and checked about medication resupply. I did remember to request smaller doses of carvedilol, just at double the rate. Instead of the 12.5 mg per day, I asked that it be 6.25 twice per day. That allows me some flexibility. I can't do 12.5 right off, far too potent. Kicks my but. I am not even sure I can do 6.25 mg starting. This stuff is pretty potent. I can do ~3.13 mg per day, for certain... splitting the 6.25 mg for say the first two weeks, then probably going morning and night? Or did I find taking it all at night was best? Whatever I have to do to get up to level, then keeping it there actually, is the trick. It should be ready today, though I think I am about to crash. I'm waiting on some things, but don't have what it takes to get ready and out. Hopefully tomorrow I can get in. Ugh. At least they will be ready, I can probably just do drive-through.
I did find keto test strips, or sticks or stixs. Are they truly useful? Some say yes, at the beginning. Others say the test can too easily be incorrect. I simply don't know. I would guess they are just as good as the glucometer type one, just much less expensive. The only extra risk is that of getting a little pee on the fingers. Just... don't? Yeah. How messed up do you have to be to not be able to be slightly careful while doing some things? Just curious. I think they were $14 and change for 100. So in the cart they went. There are cheaper ones, I just thought the price was right for, from what was suggested, quicker fixing and easier reading. Amazon it, if you want to know more. Keto sticks should do.
Maybe I won't eat, not proper. Then again, I don't think I have real food at the ready. Oh well, if that might be a good or bad thing. Massive headache, but at least it isn't a migraine. It's sort of rough. I'll make it. Later, or more likely good night, and day for your normals. The Lord knows, I'd love to join you. As seemingly mundane as work-a-day life is, it passes time and is a small success just in doing something. Forget the failures, upsets, harsh realities and.... just enjoy your work. Do what you are doing for those of us who can't. *wink* I thank you, when I remember to not be so grumpy. When I can avoid being grumpy.
.
Hungry. No, let me clarify. HUNGRY. That isn't it.
HUNGRY?
Hungry!
Yeah, I'll be eating. Never did get to fat bombs. Beside being hungry I am exhausted. What's up with that I don't know. Everything is just at least a twist out of sorts.
My mother called today. I had called her the other day, but she was on the run. I've learned patience. Have any of you noted that we aren't very patient as creatures? It's a talent, one without guarantees. Then again if you are too patient you will end up dying in a waiting room, innit. Anyway, I have learned to just wait a bit, and she... and others... will deal with things in their due, when they have a chance, a breath, and all. All good.
I also contacted my doctor office, set up an appointment, and checked about medication resupply. I did remember to request smaller doses of carvedilol, just at double the rate. Instead of the 12.5 mg per day, I asked that it be 6.25 twice per day. That allows me some flexibility. I can't do 12.5 right off, far too potent. Kicks my but. I am not even sure I can do 6.25 mg starting. This stuff is pretty potent. I can do ~3.13 mg per day, for certain... splitting the 6.25 mg for say the first two weeks, then probably going morning and night? Or did I find taking it all at night was best? Whatever I have to do to get up to level, then keeping it there actually, is the trick. It should be ready today, though I think I am about to crash. I'm waiting on some things, but don't have what it takes to get ready and out. Hopefully tomorrow I can get in. Ugh. At least they will be ready, I can probably just do drive-through.
I did find keto test strips, or sticks or stixs. Are they truly useful? Some say yes, at the beginning. Others say the test can too easily be incorrect. I simply don't know. I would guess they are just as good as the glucometer type one, just much less expensive. The only extra risk is that of getting a little pee on the fingers. Just... don't? Yeah. How messed up do you have to be to not be able to be slightly careful while doing some things? Just curious. I think they were $14 and change for 100. So in the cart they went. There are cheaper ones, I just thought the price was right for, from what was suggested, quicker fixing and easier reading. Amazon it, if you want to know more. Keto sticks should do.
Maybe I won't eat, not proper. Then again, I don't think I have real food at the ready. Oh well, if that might be a good or bad thing. Massive headache, but at least it isn't a migraine. It's sort of rough. I'll make it. Later, or more likely good night, and day for your normals. The Lord knows, I'd love to join you. As seemingly mundane as work-a-day life is, it passes time and is a small success just in doing something. Forget the failures, upsets, harsh realities and.... just enjoy your work. Do what you are doing for those of us who can't. *wink* I thank you, when I remember to not be so grumpy. When I can avoid being grumpy.
Yeah, I can do stupid things.
.
.
Remember when I opened things up to blow the furnace dust out? I then closed things. Well, everything but the upstairs. I was wondering why it was so darned cool. And the furnace kept shutting down. Right, I forgot to hit the hold button after changing batteries last time? Anyway, with those two things fixed I might have a better chance ad being awake and active.
Many people, married folk, realize they make mistakes. Often, or more often, however, they have a spouse or children to remind or otherwise indicate. For someone who has difficulty, at times, being fully awake and active, and is alone, it is much easier for a mistake to just carry on for a longer time, and to impact even the chance at noticing, fixing. All good. Now I should be able to turn the furnace down to just 70 F while awake, and 66 when sleeping... if I keep my door closed and a fan on. Yeah, I like it cool. Plus, as mentioned, my room doesn't have a heat duct, and I keep a window open usually. When I wake, 66 seems good enough, and turning it to 70 makes it almost too warm.
Oh, right. Yes, I'll call the doctor office today, see about getting some things sorted with medicine and an appointment arranged for next month. I really should stay up on things. It just isn't always possible. There is always tomorrow, until there isn't. But, then, that won't be my problem. I do what I can, sometimes more for a price, and once in a while I just... take a nap. Later.
.
Remember when I opened things up to blow the furnace dust out? I then closed things. Well, everything but the upstairs. I was wondering why it was so darned cool. And the furnace kept shutting down. Right, I forgot to hit the hold button after changing batteries last time? Anyway, with those two things fixed I might have a better chance ad being awake and active.
Many people, married folk, realize they make mistakes. Often, or more often, however, they have a spouse or children to remind or otherwise indicate. For someone who has difficulty, at times, being fully awake and active, and is alone, it is much easier for a mistake to just carry on for a longer time, and to impact even the chance at noticing, fixing. All good. Now I should be able to turn the furnace down to just 70 F while awake, and 66 when sleeping... if I keep my door closed and a fan on. Yeah, I like it cool. Plus, as mentioned, my room doesn't have a heat duct, and I keep a window open usually. When I wake, 66 seems good enough, and turning it to 70 makes it almost too warm.
Oh, right. Yes, I'll call the doctor office today, see about getting some things sorted with medicine and an appointment arranged for next month. I really should stay up on things. It just isn't always possible. There is always tomorrow, until there isn't. But, then, that won't be my problem. I do what I can, sometimes more for a price, and once in a while I just... take a nap. Later.
More keto information.
.
.
Okay, here is the deal. While trying to do keto, especially while putting out effort, it is easy to stumble. I introduced one option earlier. There are other options. I have introduced these before as well. However, tonight I will be getting busy making several different types, lemon and chocolate, perhaps some extra chocolate ones with almonds. Why? These, being as fatty as they are, have a chance of acting as a fire-break but to hunger. If the body is being worked, and needs something, that is just the way it goes. You can ignore, if usually to fail catastrophically in some other way. Catch it early, tend it, and get back on track. I would like to compare these to the other product. Now, it won't, if I use it right, make it all that much easier... hunger is hunger. What it will do is make it bearable. Getting over one ridge, one hump, one near-death, at a time, innit?
.
Okay, here is the deal. While trying to do keto, especially while putting out effort, it is easy to stumble. I introduced one option earlier. There are other options. I have introduced these before as well. However, tonight I will be getting busy making several different types, lemon and chocolate, perhaps some extra chocolate ones with almonds. Why? These, being as fatty as they are, have a chance of acting as a fire-break but to hunger. If the body is being worked, and needs something, that is just the way it goes. You can ignore, if usually to fail catastrophically in some other way. Catch it early, tend it, and get back on track. I would like to compare these to the other product. Now, it won't, if I use it right, make it all that much easier... hunger is hunger. What it will do is make it bearable. Getting over one ridge, one hump, one near-death, at a time, innit?
Fasting early.
.
.
This week is sort of a wash. I've done little things. These were great efforts even so. I will continue with anything I can do. All light, all simple, all short, and yet they do add up.
I decided to begin fasting tonight so that I could eat Sunday and be ready for the week fully nourished. Plus I clean consumed every bit of food that was thawed or cooked! I didn't put anything else out to thaw elsewise. So... fasting just seemed the better way.
After a bit of research, regarding working while on keto, I found products which reputedly provide a bit of extra boost. I can hope that, especially on long haul intermittent fasting, this could provide a great deal of help... assuming it works. It is expensive. I would rather figure greater efforts around the fasting than pay to play. While not outrageous, at ~$4.22 per dose, and up to two doses allowed per day, it's something to consider. Then again, on those days I wouldn't be eating anyway. I would use this as a 'break glass in an emergency', if the emergencies would be smaller and more frequent. My windows of opportunity due to health do not always allow me a choice of when. If I can go or do, but energy is the problem, then this. Oh, what is this? This is this. Is it safe? What, in this mortal of flesh life, is safe? For my part, I would sure like to give it a chance. I might even consider using it for when I fall. It is supposed to help regain the state of ketosis if the diet fails or has a failure. I just think it's worth a bet. And, yes, in time, I may purchase the tester. I am hoping the price drops or I can find a device that is less expensive all around. Even a device without the glucometer involved. But that I'll have to wait upon, and actually earn in time by showing myself that I am doing it.
I really need to talk to the doc tomorrow. And call in scripts then maybe pick them up. Potassium, I am out. Want to see if he wants to bump those or not. Not sure if there were refills. Bleh. Well, and set up an appointment for next month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do what I can, when I can.
Later.
.
This week is sort of a wash. I've done little things. These were great efforts even so. I will continue with anything I can do. All light, all simple, all short, and yet they do add up.
I decided to begin fasting tonight so that I could eat Sunday and be ready for the week fully nourished. Plus I clean consumed every bit of food that was thawed or cooked! I didn't put anything else out to thaw elsewise. So... fasting just seemed the better way.
After a bit of research, regarding working while on keto, I found products which reputedly provide a bit of extra boost. I can hope that, especially on long haul intermittent fasting, this could provide a great deal of help... assuming it works. It is expensive. I would rather figure greater efforts around the fasting than pay to play. While not outrageous, at ~$4.22 per dose, and up to two doses allowed per day, it's something to consider. Then again, on those days I wouldn't be eating anyway. I would use this as a 'break glass in an emergency', if the emergencies would be smaller and more frequent. My windows of opportunity due to health do not always allow me a choice of when. If I can go or do, but energy is the problem, then this. Oh, what is this? This is this. Is it safe? What, in this mortal of flesh life, is safe? For my part, I would sure like to give it a chance. I might even consider using it for when I fall. It is supposed to help regain the state of ketosis if the diet fails or has a failure. I just think it's worth a bet. And, yes, in time, I may purchase the tester. I am hoping the price drops or I can find a device that is less expensive all around. Even a device without the glucometer involved. But that I'll have to wait upon, and actually earn in time by showing myself that I am doing it.
I really need to talk to the doc tomorrow. And call in scripts then maybe pick them up. Potassium, I am out. Want to see if he wants to bump those or not. Not sure if there were refills. Bleh. Well, and set up an appointment for next month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do what I can, when I can.
Later.
Thursday, October 6, 2016
To stew, soup, or not.
.
.
For years, most of my adult life actually, I stayed away from soups and stews. At least as to cooking them myself. I don't know about you, but if I don't cook something myself, there is a reasonable chance I won't eat it otherwise. Then again, unless you are at a place that really does soup well, most places, and all canned soup, is terrible.
As a child I did love cambell's soup. For a long time I thought they only made chicken noodle soup. The one true soup my mother would make, homemade start to stop, that I truly loved, was tomato soup. I don't know how she did it and don't currently know how to do it. But, then, I only really loved it with crackers. And tomatoes are high carb, or... I suspect too high... all by themselves. My mother did make chicken noodles, but usually more as a drier meal, or over potatoes or with bread, rarely as a true soup.
As to stews? I suppose I had those, if I wouldn't have called them that. I would have called them more like goulashes or stroganoffs or such, when they were more fluid than might normally be thought. I like the idea of stews, but until a recent introduction, didn't really know how to go about thickening rightly. Heavy cream is the go to for that these days.
When I began with soups and stews, there were... problems. The first thing, to be honest, was utensils. A teaspoon was really too small, and I have larger ones. Tablespoons were too large. Yes, it was important. If you can't quite eat a food type correctly, it is at least an annoyance... and one more reason not to make such a food. Though, for years, while it was annoying, it was in the back of my mind. I had to fully realize what that nagging little notion was, pull it up, figure it out, then deal with it. I have tried several things, the one that succeeded was these utensils. They aren't techy, they aren't fancy, they aren't even expensive. What they are is the right tool for the job. From thinner soups, even stock, on to hearty stews, I can finally get a proper amount of food in without feeling like I'm stretching too far or at risk of bumping into teeth... I hate steel on teeth, hate, hate, hate.
I always felt that if a few things could be handled, that I would love soup and stew. I just, for so long, could not figure it out. Finally, finding the right ingredients, and utensils, and learning how to do a few other things, I am enjoying these food types a good deal. I have much yet to learn. I have the rest of my life to learn. I'll keep at it.
Oh, as to miso? Since I have the powdered stock, I may try that, at the recommended strength, then play with that until I have it to my tastes, and finally learn how to make it with the bonito chips and the rest. Why? Well? Because I can. Because it is a desire. Because it is good to learn and act on that learning. Contemplating what might be good to eat does not a hungry belly fill.
Later.
.
For years, most of my adult life actually, I stayed away from soups and stews. At least as to cooking them myself. I don't know about you, but if I don't cook something myself, there is a reasonable chance I won't eat it otherwise. Then again, unless you are at a place that really does soup well, most places, and all canned soup, is terrible.
As a child I did love cambell's soup. For a long time I thought they only made chicken noodle soup. The one true soup my mother would make, homemade start to stop, that I truly loved, was tomato soup. I don't know how she did it and don't currently know how to do it. But, then, I only really loved it with crackers. And tomatoes are high carb, or... I suspect too high... all by themselves. My mother did make chicken noodles, but usually more as a drier meal, or over potatoes or with bread, rarely as a true soup.
As to stews? I suppose I had those, if I wouldn't have called them that. I would have called them more like goulashes or stroganoffs or such, when they were more fluid than might normally be thought. I like the idea of stews, but until a recent introduction, didn't really know how to go about thickening rightly. Heavy cream is the go to for that these days.
When I began with soups and stews, there were... problems. The first thing, to be honest, was utensils. A teaspoon was really too small, and I have larger ones. Tablespoons were too large. Yes, it was important. If you can't quite eat a food type correctly, it is at least an annoyance... and one more reason not to make such a food. Though, for years, while it was annoying, it was in the back of my mind. I had to fully realize what that nagging little notion was, pull it up, figure it out, then deal with it. I have tried several things, the one that succeeded was these utensils. They aren't techy, they aren't fancy, they aren't even expensive. What they are is the right tool for the job. From thinner soups, even stock, on to hearty stews, I can finally get a proper amount of food in without feeling like I'm stretching too far or at risk of bumping into teeth... I hate steel on teeth, hate, hate, hate.
I always felt that if a few things could be handled, that I would love soup and stew. I just, for so long, could not figure it out. Finally, finding the right ingredients, and utensils, and learning how to do a few other things, I am enjoying these food types a good deal. I have much yet to learn. I have the rest of my life to learn. I'll keep at it.
Oh, as to miso? Since I have the powdered stock, I may try that, at the recommended strength, then play with that until I have it to my tastes, and finally learn how to make it with the bonito chips and the rest. Why? Well? Because I can. Because it is a desire. Because it is good to learn and act on that learning. Contemplating what might be good to eat does not a hungry belly fill.
Later.
That might have been it?
.
.
Hungry. I thought I had been eating rightly. My body seemed to suggest something was wrong. It seemed like it was telling me I was hungry. So... I fed it. The remaining two bigger bowls of chili. No, it seemed to say, it meant really hungry. Unkay. So I decided to treat the problem. I cooked a t-bone and four lamb chops. Tiny as the latter are, they add up, especially with all else. No, really, HUNGRY, my body said. So I made a meatzza, starting with two pounds of beef, then all the toppings. I ended up eating half of that. No, I am not stuffed. That just, finally, topped off the tank. HUNGRY. It will return. I best get more meat out.
Don't ask, I don't know. All I know is I was tired of whatever seemed wrong being wrong. I am going to try to keep up on my hunger until it is tended. If I keep up, it usually slackens a great deal, I suppose until I push too hard one way or another. I want my hunger tended before this weekend. As I am hoping to do a three day fast, and do R&R through it, probably starting Friday night, so that I am ready to go on Monday. I can't make it through if I haven't tended the hunger. And, yeah, maybe not much, but given the givens I have been pushing, a bit, in odd and end ways. That was... two pounds of chili, two pounds of meat, a pound of cheese throughout (in chili and meatzza), and an gallon and may another half of milk. I am even eyeing the last half of the meatzza, if cautiously. I don't want to end up stuffed.
If I can stay up another few hours, I may make a few phone calls. Crazy as it goes, I might be catching up. Things to do still. Would like to push into the day anyway. Later, unless I crash. If so, or either way, good morning and day.
.
Hungry. I thought I had been eating rightly. My body seemed to suggest something was wrong. It seemed like it was telling me I was hungry. So... I fed it. The remaining two bigger bowls of chili. No, it seemed to say, it meant really hungry. Unkay. So I decided to treat the problem. I cooked a t-bone and four lamb chops. Tiny as the latter are, they add up, especially with all else. No, really, HUNGRY, my body said. So I made a meatzza, starting with two pounds of beef, then all the toppings. I ended up eating half of that. No, I am not stuffed. That just, finally, topped off the tank. HUNGRY. It will return. I best get more meat out.
Don't ask, I don't know. All I know is I was tired of whatever seemed wrong being wrong. I am going to try to keep up on my hunger until it is tended. If I keep up, it usually slackens a great deal, I suppose until I push too hard one way or another. I want my hunger tended before this weekend. As I am hoping to do a three day fast, and do R&R through it, probably starting Friday night, so that I am ready to go on Monday. I can't make it through if I haven't tended the hunger. And, yeah, maybe not much, but given the givens I have been pushing, a bit, in odd and end ways. That was... two pounds of chili, two pounds of meat, a pound of cheese throughout (in chili and meatzza), and an gallon and may another half of milk. I am even eyeing the last half of the meatzza, if cautiously. I don't want to end up stuffed.
If I can stay up another few hours, I may make a few phone calls. Crazy as it goes, I might be catching up. Things to do still. Would like to push into the day anyway. Later, unless I crash. If so, or either way, good morning and day.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Laying traps.
.
.
Man, monster... woman. There are some powerful similarities. Sometimes the bait can be the same. Already laid, and filled. I heard the... cries and laments. A trap laid well enough and the trapped doesn't even know it was a trap. I do, I do.
.
Man, monster... woman. There are some powerful similarities. Sometimes the bait can be the same. Already laid, and filled. I heard the... cries and laments. A trap laid well enough and the trapped doesn't even know it was a trap. I do, I do.
Live and learn?
.
.
Perhaps simply learn to remember. I realize the problem with the furnace filter. It has nothing to do with shutting down, more to do with lifespan. The filters (the ones I use) are only good for 90 days. Now, I don't use the furnace for... five to seven months of the year, so I don't need one every 90 days literally. However, a change either in the spring (or more likely in the fall), then a change midseason, would really be good. Yeah, I think a change in the fall. But, as with today, letting it run for an hour, into the cool, to blow dust, catching that in the old filter before replacing, then replacing and letting it run for an hour into the cold.
I am pretty sure I changed the filters without needing instructions all times before. This time I was a bit nervous about opening the panel that seemed to be the one. Perhaps this time I was aware enough to see the warning labels? :p In any case, I did look it up this time. Just make sure the furnace is off, or so I was instructed. Good thing I looked perhaps. Still, all good. The house has been blown out for an hour, the filter changed, and it is in the process of blowing out for another hour. I hope that helps in many ways, especially with the allergy thing. Dang that was nasty. I simply don't want to suffer that for a few weeks or month, not this time. Slowly, ever so slowly, I am learning. As I mentioned, if the plumbing thing goes well next month, I'll call in the heater guy for the month after that... and several of them for a solid quote on a new furnace, and probably ac too. Ac isn't the best, here, unless you strongly humidify. Yeah, I think I can. Part of the quote will be to get duct work into the front rooms. And to add ducts I can very securely shut, so as to create solid microclimates... or... sort of.
The other thing I need a quote regarding is new flooring, and perhaps sub-flooring, in the kitchen. My great hope is to put in that type that is thick and comfortable on the feet, right on up to the back... thick rubber-like stuff that has a little give... if it is easy to keep clean. Something that is easy to clean is my top priority, to be honest. Then comfort, looks, and price as a modifier to each want/need. Who knows how fast I can get any of it done. I can't even begin speculating until I get three or four quotes.
Wonderful! I still have a snoot spout from time to time, but better even so far. I was hitting four to five sneezes in a row, every four to ten minutes, plus needing to empty the spout of flu juice every ten to twenty. I'll let you know, in a few days, if this worked. Later.
.
Perhaps simply learn to remember. I realize the problem with the furnace filter. It has nothing to do with shutting down, more to do with lifespan. The filters (the ones I use) are only good for 90 days. Now, I don't use the furnace for... five to seven months of the year, so I don't need one every 90 days literally. However, a change either in the spring (or more likely in the fall), then a change midseason, would really be good. Yeah, I think a change in the fall. But, as with today, letting it run for an hour, into the cool, to blow dust, catching that in the old filter before replacing, then replacing and letting it run for an hour into the cold.
I am pretty sure I changed the filters without needing instructions all times before. This time I was a bit nervous about opening the panel that seemed to be the one. Perhaps this time I was aware enough to see the warning labels? :p In any case, I did look it up this time. Just make sure the furnace is off, or so I was instructed. Good thing I looked perhaps. Still, all good. The house has been blown out for an hour, the filter changed, and it is in the process of blowing out for another hour. I hope that helps in many ways, especially with the allergy thing. Dang that was nasty. I simply don't want to suffer that for a few weeks or month, not this time. Slowly, ever so slowly, I am learning. As I mentioned, if the plumbing thing goes well next month, I'll call in the heater guy for the month after that... and several of them for a solid quote on a new furnace, and probably ac too. Ac isn't the best, here, unless you strongly humidify. Yeah, I think I can. Part of the quote will be to get duct work into the front rooms. And to add ducts I can very securely shut, so as to create solid microclimates... or... sort of.
The other thing I need a quote regarding is new flooring, and perhaps sub-flooring, in the kitchen. My great hope is to put in that type that is thick and comfortable on the feet, right on up to the back... thick rubber-like stuff that has a little give... if it is easy to keep clean. Something that is easy to clean is my top priority, to be honest. Then comfort, looks, and price as a modifier to each want/need. Who knows how fast I can get any of it done. I can't even begin speculating until I get three or four quotes.
Wonderful! I still have a snoot spout from time to time, but better even so far. I was hitting four to five sneezes in a row, every four to ten minutes, plus needing to empty the spout of flu juice every ten to twenty. I'll let you know, in a few days, if this worked. Later.
Well, I thought I was over that.
.
.
Sleeping as long as I did, that is. I figured a little time down and I would pop up. A few hours. Nope. I slept a full night of sleep. On the good side, other than a bit of grogginess, I do feel rested.
A few of the order items arrived. Okay, so, eighteen inch wide heavy duty aluminum foil is probably a bit much. Even the parchment, at fifteen inches is, maybe, a bit much. Pricewise, per square, I came out of it like a champ. Yeah... we'll see in the long run. Maybe it is a good idea, if I have the storage space. If it works out, I'll buy one more of each as backup, then replace when I run out of the main. As well, the right seaweed for miso arrived. I still think it's funny that American food prudies believe miso is a vegetarian thing. I suppose some vegetarians cheat and eat fish, eggs, poultry, milk, etc., but that isn't vegetarian and it certainly isn't vegan. Then again a larger grouping of liars and cheats I have never found. Miso uses fish flakes for the broth, and while they will use tofu as the protein, I have met no Oriental chef or cook who limits the protein source to that. They use what they have, what they feel like, what is available, etc... just like any chef or cook anywhere. Only ignorant prudies (a mock of foodies) believe something has to be the way other prudies say. They make one style of the mundane into a false holy writ.
A few more cooking devices to test... a device that is supposed to avoid spill overs, a one-way air release for my various cultured concoctions, and a few fountain pens and ink. I have some letters to write, and a new small diary sort of book to fill. I have wanted something to sort my ideas before I bring them here. Both to remove certain notions from here and to make more clear some of the notions I do wish to present. It's not like I haven't put it all here, it has been a while though. Oh, and finally, led bulbs. I have been unable to find real lightbulbs of any quality in quite some time. I hate the swirly ones, and know them to be dangerous in many ways, plus the price of led bulbs has come down enough to explore. I tested them in a table lamp that kept blowing both regular and swirly 3-way bulbs. While it was expensive, it has already saved in lasting longer then four swirly bulbs would... five now I think actually. While the "regular" 3-way would have been cheaper, I was replacing those about monthly, so quite an annoyance and difficult to keep in bulbs (as I live and do).
I have 100 watt equivalent bulbs in several places. I believe I am stepping those down to 75 or even 60 equivalents. Just way too bright for four-bulb overheads. And I am comparing day and soft lights. The day is bright, but it's a hard light. Though, truth told, I rare use the overhead. I like to have the side lighting soft and the overhead very bright. When I want light, I want light, damn it! Still, perhaps the softer light will still be okay, just less harsh on the eyes. I am a cave dweller and definitely prefer dim to bright. I suspect I can negotiate my way to just what I need and when.
Oh, and while the boxes haven't been taken down, they have been emptied, the packing material dealt with, and they have been stacked. I plan to finish with them tonight, perhaps even stack them in the hatch for disposal sooner rather than later. When I get caught up, unless health really takes my legs out from under me, I plan to keep up. Yeah... which means I need to brute force the kitchen, and get it ready for a plumber. The kitchen and the bathroom actually, will both be put in solid order. To hasten this, I may arrange for a plumber to visit after the first of next month. Four weeks? Yeah, well, even giant land slugs had better be able to put a fire on in that time, innit? The test will be, mostly, to maintain once attained. Woot! Got me a challenge.
Blathering? Well, yeah, looks like it. Later.
.
Sleeping as long as I did, that is. I figured a little time down and I would pop up. A few hours. Nope. I slept a full night of sleep. On the good side, other than a bit of grogginess, I do feel rested.
A few of the order items arrived. Okay, so, eighteen inch wide heavy duty aluminum foil is probably a bit much. Even the parchment, at fifteen inches is, maybe, a bit much. Pricewise, per square, I came out of it like a champ. Yeah... we'll see in the long run. Maybe it is a good idea, if I have the storage space. If it works out, I'll buy one more of each as backup, then replace when I run out of the main. As well, the right seaweed for miso arrived. I still think it's funny that American food prudies believe miso is a vegetarian thing. I suppose some vegetarians cheat and eat fish, eggs, poultry, milk, etc., but that isn't vegetarian and it certainly isn't vegan. Then again a larger grouping of liars and cheats I have never found. Miso uses fish flakes for the broth, and while they will use tofu as the protein, I have met no Oriental chef or cook who limits the protein source to that. They use what they have, what they feel like, what is available, etc... just like any chef or cook anywhere. Only ignorant prudies (a mock of foodies) believe something has to be the way other prudies say. They make one style of the mundane into a false holy writ.
A few more cooking devices to test... a device that is supposed to avoid spill overs, a one-way air release for my various cultured concoctions, and a few fountain pens and ink. I have some letters to write, and a new small diary sort of book to fill. I have wanted something to sort my ideas before I bring them here. Both to remove certain notions from here and to make more clear some of the notions I do wish to present. It's not like I haven't put it all here, it has been a while though. Oh, and finally, led bulbs. I have been unable to find real lightbulbs of any quality in quite some time. I hate the swirly ones, and know them to be dangerous in many ways, plus the price of led bulbs has come down enough to explore. I tested them in a table lamp that kept blowing both regular and swirly 3-way bulbs. While it was expensive, it has already saved in lasting longer then four swirly bulbs would... five now I think actually. While the "regular" 3-way would have been cheaper, I was replacing those about monthly, so quite an annoyance and difficult to keep in bulbs (as I live and do).
I have 100 watt equivalent bulbs in several places. I believe I am stepping those down to 75 or even 60 equivalents. Just way too bright for four-bulb overheads. And I am comparing day and soft lights. The day is bright, but it's a hard light. Though, truth told, I rare use the overhead. I like to have the side lighting soft and the overhead very bright. When I want light, I want light, damn it! Still, perhaps the softer light will still be okay, just less harsh on the eyes. I am a cave dweller and definitely prefer dim to bright. I suspect I can negotiate my way to just what I need and when.
Oh, and while the boxes haven't been taken down, they have been emptied, the packing material dealt with, and they have been stacked. I plan to finish with them tonight, perhaps even stack them in the hatch for disposal sooner rather than later. When I get caught up, unless health really takes my legs out from under me, I plan to keep up. Yeah... which means I need to brute force the kitchen, and get it ready for a plumber. The kitchen and the bathroom actually, will both be put in solid order. To hasten this, I may arrange for a plumber to visit after the first of next month. Four weeks? Yeah, well, even giant land slugs had better be able to put a fire on in that time, innit? The test will be, mostly, to maintain once attained. Woot! Got me a challenge.
Blathering? Well, yeah, looks like it. Later.
A strange night.
.
.
I woke a bit earlier than I had hoped. I couldn't really get anything going. I haven't honestly awaken. As a fact, I am about to go back to bed.
The sniffles, terrible, from restarting the furnace. I am pretty sure I have new filters. I should use one. Though, truth be told, that doesn't help all that much. Through the summer dust settles in there, and allergens. While I am not prone to allergies, the vast quantity of stuff that seems to settle, then is disturbed while the house is closed for the cool, is overwhelming. I should probably run the furnace a few times in the summer, with the windows open on a cooler night, just to keep the collection to a minimum, and change the filter, say, the second time I do that? So much to learn about house maintenance. Hmm, perhaps there is a better plan.
Remember, and to be fair, I am just now, and barely, at a point in health where I might have a chance on keeping up on these things. I can't afford to have maintenance men in every year on everything. Or... can I? Even just at (what they say) is absolute the middle of middle income, finances are somewhat tight. I have to watch everything. Not so closely that I really worry, just... I can't go stupid crazy. I am out of debt, other than the house, and like it like that. Hydrogen, the fuel of the future, baby. *blink blink* Still, you know, I might start bringing those types of folks in. After I get a plumber to set some known problems aright. Actually, I may call and get that set up for next month. If that expense isn't too harsh, I will call in a heater guy after that... plus call in several for a quote on a new furnace, and considerations for a gas stove to replace the flat top... or supplement it. Curious how much a gas run would cost. Then what? Maybe an energy analysis? Yeah, maybe.
But... a bit more sleep. Not a lot, just a few hours. I think the allergens have been causing problems with sleep. When I wake I may open the windows, turn on the fans, and crank the furnace for a couple hours, then change the filter and do it for another few hours? I don't know these things, but I'd sure like to shorten the allergy problem. The last few years (don't recall well before that, remember... memory is a new thing for me) required a month of going through this. Don't want to take that kind of time this time. Ah, well, some research might help on the matter as well. Yeah, it's hepa filters, though I'm not sure the system is up to them.
Later.
.
I woke a bit earlier than I had hoped. I couldn't really get anything going. I haven't honestly awaken. As a fact, I am about to go back to bed.
The sniffles, terrible, from restarting the furnace. I am pretty sure I have new filters. I should use one. Though, truth be told, that doesn't help all that much. Through the summer dust settles in there, and allergens. While I am not prone to allergies, the vast quantity of stuff that seems to settle, then is disturbed while the house is closed for the cool, is overwhelming. I should probably run the furnace a few times in the summer, with the windows open on a cooler night, just to keep the collection to a minimum, and change the filter, say, the second time I do that? So much to learn about house maintenance. Hmm, perhaps there is a better plan.
Remember, and to be fair, I am just now, and barely, at a point in health where I might have a chance on keeping up on these things. I can't afford to have maintenance men in every year on everything. Or... can I? Even just at (what they say) is absolute the middle of middle income, finances are somewhat tight. I have to watch everything. Not so closely that I really worry, just... I can't go stupid crazy. I am out of debt, other than the house, and like it like that. Hydrogen, the fuel of the future, baby. *blink blink* Still, you know, I might start bringing those types of folks in. After I get a plumber to set some known problems aright. Actually, I may call and get that set up for next month. If that expense isn't too harsh, I will call in a heater guy after that... plus call in several for a quote on a new furnace, and considerations for a gas stove to replace the flat top... or supplement it. Curious how much a gas run would cost. Then what? Maybe an energy analysis? Yeah, maybe.
But... a bit more sleep. Not a lot, just a few hours. I think the allergens have been causing problems with sleep. When I wake I may open the windows, turn on the fans, and crank the furnace for a couple hours, then change the filter and do it for another few hours? I don't know these things, but I'd sure like to shorten the allergy problem. The last few years (don't recall well before that, remember... memory is a new thing for me) required a month of going through this. Don't want to take that kind of time this time. Ah, well, some research might help on the matter as well. Yeah, it's hepa filters, though I'm not sure the system is up to them.
Later.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Rested well and long, and soon again.
.
.
A flame, lost to time, relit in the distance. Considerations. Not of rekindling, that is always fail. This shrew will not be tamed. Still, a friend, for my part. All I have left as such, save the one who stole my heart, buried with her and child. With that one remains both love and some hate, anger, and some other dark things. I hear others speak of close lost loves, but never hear such things from them. It makes me wonder if I am alone in my feelings, or alone in my honesty.
She is turning a corner, or making the effort... to get out of debt. I'm not sure it is possible. That is what our relationship hung upon, technically. It wasn't the reason, but the excuse. I put my foot down and made demands, she refused those. She didn't think I'd walk. I knew what I was facing, with a woman like her, and refused. These grounds were just to show that the soil was barren... she would never abide even wisdom.
I am attempting to turn the corner of health. I was discussing my sleep, and she remembered how it was then... days of sleep, or wakefulness, and more sometimes. She was a bit shocked to hear that I sleep daily, now. If it shifts, I do sleep about eight hours a day, as a general rule. And I am usually awake at least that much, though often to sixteen hours. I explained it as mostly regular, just on a permanently rotating swing shift... something she knows from her employment. There can be times where things are off, but when she knew me it was always off. I explained that the heart medicine, while it wouldn't fix things much, it did enough so that I can begin doing things on my end... at least a bit.
With her phone on all the time, I may call her once in a while now. For a while, due to finances, I think it was so hit and miss that I just let that go. I let her know that, should she need something, as an emergency, she could ask. I can't swing the world, but I can swing... a hundred, even a thousand. Even if I can't be repaid in some cases. I finally contacted her back. She wrote, and sent pictures, a few months back, when my feet first went to hell. I... didn't have good news or such so didn't want to talk or write. Then lost the envelope so I couldn't just write. I wasn't sure I had her number, or if it was working as I suggested, so I called, left a message, and she called back almost immediately.
I told her a bit about intermittent fasting, how I am doing it and trying to run things. She knew about keto. I told her about kefir, again I think, but also about probiotic buttermilk and creme fraiche. She isn't in to washed rind cheeses, though may have had her curiosity peaked by the bean, four meat, and such cheese casserole. And chicken confit seemed to have gotten her interest. She is the type who won't always say, she just gets quiet when something interests her. You have to listen for nothing, longer pauses. Which means she is really interested, or looking at a bug on a tree. She is a strange bird, that one.
Well... I took care of... a return contact, and with better... gooder... news. To be honest, should I marry, I might well engage her to be a in house help. I'm not sure she would accept the position. Not at first. But in time. It would be, when it isn't a problem, an excellent situation. She is fairly good at things when she isn't too tired. Full time work, which is what she does, is and has been too much for her, for too long. I think she would do well as an extra fill for housework, shopping, childcare, and the rest. And she would have a reasonable place to live for little, a living home, not one of those dark places, tucked away, where everyone is dying. Just a thought.
Back to bed. As much for one final shot at evening out the rest I need as well as, perhaps, resetting days and nights. Resetting my schedule as days are shrinking at a terrible pace is always a bit tricky. What else is there, however, but to give it my best shot? Good evening, and night.
.
A flame, lost to time, relit in the distance. Considerations. Not of rekindling, that is always fail. This shrew will not be tamed. Still, a friend, for my part. All I have left as such, save the one who stole my heart, buried with her and child. With that one remains both love and some hate, anger, and some other dark things. I hear others speak of close lost loves, but never hear such things from them. It makes me wonder if I am alone in my feelings, or alone in my honesty.
She is turning a corner, or making the effort... to get out of debt. I'm not sure it is possible. That is what our relationship hung upon, technically. It wasn't the reason, but the excuse. I put my foot down and made demands, she refused those. She didn't think I'd walk. I knew what I was facing, with a woman like her, and refused. These grounds were just to show that the soil was barren... she would never abide even wisdom.
I am attempting to turn the corner of health. I was discussing my sleep, and she remembered how it was then... days of sleep, or wakefulness, and more sometimes. She was a bit shocked to hear that I sleep daily, now. If it shifts, I do sleep about eight hours a day, as a general rule. And I am usually awake at least that much, though often to sixteen hours. I explained it as mostly regular, just on a permanently rotating swing shift... something she knows from her employment. There can be times where things are off, but when she knew me it was always off. I explained that the heart medicine, while it wouldn't fix things much, it did enough so that I can begin doing things on my end... at least a bit.
With her phone on all the time, I may call her once in a while now. For a while, due to finances, I think it was so hit and miss that I just let that go. I let her know that, should she need something, as an emergency, she could ask. I can't swing the world, but I can swing... a hundred, even a thousand. Even if I can't be repaid in some cases. I finally contacted her back. She wrote, and sent pictures, a few months back, when my feet first went to hell. I... didn't have good news or such so didn't want to talk or write. Then lost the envelope so I couldn't just write. I wasn't sure I had her number, or if it was working as I suggested, so I called, left a message, and she called back almost immediately.
I told her a bit about intermittent fasting, how I am doing it and trying to run things. She knew about keto. I told her about kefir, again I think, but also about probiotic buttermilk and creme fraiche. She isn't in to washed rind cheeses, though may have had her curiosity peaked by the bean, four meat, and such cheese casserole. And chicken confit seemed to have gotten her interest. She is the type who won't always say, she just gets quiet when something interests her. You have to listen for nothing, longer pauses. Which means she is really interested, or looking at a bug on a tree. She is a strange bird, that one.
Well... I took care of... a return contact, and with better... gooder... news. To be honest, should I marry, I might well engage her to be a in house help. I'm not sure she would accept the position. Not at first. But in time. It would be, when it isn't a problem, an excellent situation. She is fairly good at things when she isn't too tired. Full time work, which is what she does, is and has been too much for her, for too long. I think she would do well as an extra fill for housework, shopping, childcare, and the rest. And she would have a reasonable place to live for little, a living home, not one of those dark places, tucked away, where everyone is dying. Just a thought.
Back to bed. As much for one final shot at evening out the rest I need as well as, perhaps, resetting days and nights. Resetting my schedule as days are shrinking at a terrible pace is always a bit tricky. What else is there, however, but to give it my best shot? Good evening, and night.
Another day, one more problem?
.
.
First, last, you decide. California dreaming? Oh you have no idea. And not.
.
First, last, you decide. California dreaming? Oh you have no idea. And not.
Monday, October 3, 2016
A perfect carbapocalypse.
.
.
I had chili in the works. Then dinner arrived... chicken and noodles on mashed potatoes. I sample all before deciding. The chicken and sauce? A+ No, I'm not being nice. Trust me. *shark's grin* I don't do that way. *sideways glance, blush, fluttering eyelids* The noodles? If those are store-bought, they have the absolute homemade taste. If they are homemade, they were more evenly rolled and cut that I would have thought possible. Maybe homemade, then run through a machine? Those put it over the top. I know my mom put potatoes under such, sometimes. S... t... r... e... t... c... h. Everything, with bigger families, is about barely... it isn't even just the money. The pots, pans, cleaning, cooking, shopping... it is oppressive. Still, we didn't have potatoes all of time, maybe not even most of the time. Still, it was a good add. When you eat food like that, whether true or not, you begin to think someone likes you. Loves you even. Mom, sister, wife, daughter... or even some dude-kin if we don't really go there. Uhm beer. Huh? Football, even though I despise and don't watch it? Yeah... Somethin'.
Okay, so, first course done. A bit of time to refresh. Then on to some chili. Good? I won't speak for another. All I can say, and it is rare even for myself, is that the chili was exactly what I was looking for minus some heat. There was just enough heat that maybe even an explorative German might be able to eat it. Though who knows, perhaps they have expanded their ability to tolerate hot spices since last I was there. Black pepper and horse radish were the limits of their ability last I knew. A jalapeno would be like proverbial garlic to a vampire. Despite it being a bit shy in that department, and something I can remedy easily, and per bowl, everything else was spot on. Temptations.
.
I had chili in the works. Then dinner arrived... chicken and noodles on mashed potatoes. I sample all before deciding. The chicken and sauce? A+ No, I'm not being nice. Trust me. *shark's grin* I don't do that way. *sideways glance, blush, fluttering eyelids* The noodles? If those are store-bought, they have the absolute homemade taste. If they are homemade, they were more evenly rolled and cut that I would have thought possible. Maybe homemade, then run through a machine? Those put it over the top. I know my mom put potatoes under such, sometimes. S... t... r... e... t... c... h. Everything, with bigger families, is about barely... it isn't even just the money. The pots, pans, cleaning, cooking, shopping... it is oppressive. Still, we didn't have potatoes all of time, maybe not even most of the time. Still, it was a good add. When you eat food like that, whether true or not, you begin to think someone likes you. Loves you even. Mom, sister, wife, daughter... or even some dude-kin if we don't really go there. Uhm beer. Huh? Football, even though I despise and don't watch it? Yeah... Somethin'.
Okay, so, first course done. A bit of time to refresh. Then on to some chili. Good? I won't speak for another. All I can say, and it is rare even for myself, is that the chili was exactly what I was looking for minus some heat. There was just enough heat that maybe even an explorative German might be able to eat it. Though who knows, perhaps they have expanded their ability to tolerate hot spices since last I was there. Black pepper and horse radish were the limits of their ability last I knew. A jalapeno would be like proverbial garlic to a vampire. Despite it being a bit shy in that department, and something I can remedy easily, and per bowl, everything else was spot on. Temptations.
Good again.
.
.
Gooder, again? Goody.
Pain has subsided. Just a dull function, here and there. Sleep was good, if not as resting as I had hoped. Everything is better. I still need to take things easy for a few days, and eat well. Whatever I did wrong, or whatever went wrong, I or it did it well.
I have enough food out for a good three days. Meat thawed that is. I am going to splurge a bit, making beef and bean chili. The beans were soaking overnight and are now set to begin cooking. I am, this time, going to attempt planning how many carbs, roughly, per scoop, then plan that out. I figure with that as my carbs, I can add cooked meats as extra entrees. As well, I going to begin daily fasting. I have nothing taxing on my schedule, I can do this. The thing is, when the packet suggests that a quarter of a cup of beans is their measure, is that while they are dry or when they are cooked?
Well, the data contains a measure, in grams. Currently I do not have a scale. I should have one somewhere, probably two. Finding them has proven unsuccessful. So I have one on the way. My guess is, if the label is for such and such a measure, it is for the product, in the container, as is... if assumptions will bury you, so... more digging on that. Yes, yes, I do intend to figure things out. I do not want to live off scales and measures and things that don't make sense, only set things up off those as I attempt to turn some things around.
I did check into protein, how much I should have a day. Given my size, and weight, and with keto in mind, nearly 160 isn't a bad average. Now, if I was into strength or other strenuous training more protein might be necessary. There is too much, mind you. But I don't add any protein other than from natural sources. Fat rich meats, eggs, and such. By this scale I am probably getting too little protein, for keto. I am probably, sum total, eating too little. For example, about a quarter of a pound of hamburger is 20 grams of protein. On my hungriest days I might eat two pounds of burger, or a pound of burger and a pound of steak, pork chops, or lamb (a rare thing, perhaps once every ten days). Usually I eat closer to a pound of meat, or less. Still, if I have protein problems... overages in the body due to some organ failure or other... then I have to cut. But given all, I am cutting. Bleh. Yeah, fat bombs might have to come more into play, to take the place of some of the proteins. Or there might simply not be a way to figure that. Then again, I am, and have been, impossibly limping by for a generation and an half (given that a generation, as I count things, is a score of years... no, not making it easy on you).
Yes, I'll... keep figuring, sorting, cooking, cleaning, at whatever pace I can, assuming I can concentrate enough, endure the pain enough, and stay alive. I'll keep at it as if I had a reason to live of my own. I know, the world, near and far, wants me dead. Either do something about it, and good luck to you said as a dare, a taunt, and a threat (if the latter not from me), or get used to disappointments. The Lord knows I have gotten used to them. It used to hurt my feelings, if that mattered. Now it sort of tickles, especially as many out there who my simple existence roils. I have a gift. I share it easily, with mirth. Any malice must be supplied by any given applicant. Not a wise choice, better to go away, and yet there you are.
Such a dark day. And yet... gooder. I hit a few boxes, lightly, before bed. I'll do more this evening. Hopefully much more. Good day, and evening.
.
Gooder, again? Goody.
Pain has subsided. Just a dull function, here and there. Sleep was good, if not as resting as I had hoped. Everything is better. I still need to take things easy for a few days, and eat well. Whatever I did wrong, or whatever went wrong, I or it did it well.
I have enough food out for a good three days. Meat thawed that is. I am going to splurge a bit, making beef and bean chili. The beans were soaking overnight and are now set to begin cooking. I am, this time, going to attempt planning how many carbs, roughly, per scoop, then plan that out. I figure with that as my carbs, I can add cooked meats as extra entrees. As well, I going to begin daily fasting. I have nothing taxing on my schedule, I can do this. The thing is, when the packet suggests that a quarter of a cup of beans is their measure, is that while they are dry or when they are cooked?
Well, the data contains a measure, in grams. Currently I do not have a scale. I should have one somewhere, probably two. Finding them has proven unsuccessful. So I have one on the way. My guess is, if the label is for such and such a measure, it is for the product, in the container, as is... if assumptions will bury you, so... more digging on that. Yes, yes, I do intend to figure things out. I do not want to live off scales and measures and things that don't make sense, only set things up off those as I attempt to turn some things around.
I did check into protein, how much I should have a day. Given my size, and weight, and with keto in mind, nearly 160 isn't a bad average. Now, if I was into strength or other strenuous training more protein might be necessary. There is too much, mind you. But I don't add any protein other than from natural sources. Fat rich meats, eggs, and such. By this scale I am probably getting too little protein, for keto. I am probably, sum total, eating too little. For example, about a quarter of a pound of hamburger is 20 grams of protein. On my hungriest days I might eat two pounds of burger, or a pound of burger and a pound of steak, pork chops, or lamb (a rare thing, perhaps once every ten days). Usually I eat closer to a pound of meat, or less. Still, if I have protein problems... overages in the body due to some organ failure or other... then I have to cut. But given all, I am cutting. Bleh. Yeah, fat bombs might have to come more into play, to take the place of some of the proteins. Or there might simply not be a way to figure that. Then again, I am, and have been, impossibly limping by for a generation and an half (given that a generation, as I count things, is a score of years... no, not making it easy on you).
Yes, I'll... keep figuring, sorting, cooking, cleaning, at whatever pace I can, assuming I can concentrate enough, endure the pain enough, and stay alive. I'll keep at it as if I had a reason to live of my own. I know, the world, near and far, wants me dead. Either do something about it, and good luck to you said as a dare, a taunt, and a threat (if the latter not from me), or get used to disappointments. The Lord knows I have gotten used to them. It used to hurt my feelings, if that mattered. Now it sort of tickles, especially as many out there who my simple existence roils. I have a gift. I share it easily, with mirth. Any malice must be supplied by any given applicant. Not a wise choice, better to go away, and yet there you are.
Such a dark day. And yet... gooder. I hit a few boxes, lightly, before bed. I'll do more this evening. Hopefully much more. Good day, and evening.
Ketosis testing.
.
.
I just found a device which will test both blood sugar and... ketosis. I am ignorant about, exactly, what it tests. Simply that it seems to be accurate, it has good reviews and I have seen it recommended (with or without quid pro quo is anyone's guess these days). The thing is the keto strips, which are on top of the glucose test strips, are very expensive, at about $5 per. How often should you test that? Even once a day would, adding in glucose test strips (didn't check the price for theirs, which are probably proprietary, and possibly more expensive for the extras involved)... and, when I'm working it, I like to test blood glucose fairly often, twice a day is about right, more if there is an issue, a bit less if it seems to be leveling. It is amazing what is out there. It's just too bad I can't afford it. I will look around a bit, see if there are other options... perhaps look for other, similar, less expensive devices. Or just put it on my long term list, to watch for cost changes... not so much sales, I don't want to get roped in, and even on a good sale couldn't afford long term supplies. Neat but too pricey.
I could have started the longer intermittent fasting this weekend but I really felt the need to eat, to repair and heal. Along with down time and slowing down I am beginning to feel better. In one of my haiku, I mentioned the return of salmon to their spawning points. Often, depending on the fish and exact breed, the return kills them. Even if the species doesn't necessarily die, it may yet for the effort and damage taken while swimming upstream. That, a bruised inside, and even outside, is what it felt like. A severe case of it. I am much better if still a bit sore.
I would like to take this week a bit slowly as well. Assuming nothing comes up. And, should I begin feeling better, enough that I feel "out of the woods", I may begin doing daily fasting. If that goes well, this coming weekend I will do a three day fast. After that I will see what is what, sort that out, and either keep it weekly, or perhaps add another in there. I just don't know. At least with the more pressing tasks done, and the weather and season closing in, as well as a return to health, I'd like to hit it again. Yeah, but I best get potassium and other medicines back on track and do a bit of shopping. Extra cat food and litter as winter sets in. Just... if I can't get out for a couple of months I will still be okay. I worry more about the girls. I can go without, they can't. Not nicely. Fierce little critters when they go feral from hunger. Doesn't take long. But it's more than that too. A duty, a promise, a responsibility. I brought them here.
There are a lot of things I'd like to work up in the kitchen. The problem is I just don't have it going. I need to do some cleaning, catch up. So I will be keeping cooking to just the skillet for the most part. I would like to make more mayo, but that is about it.
Of the dressings I made? The slaw dressing was good. Nothing fancy but very serviceable. I really like the ranch, but it still seems to be missing something. The blue cheese was a bit of a bust. I know what some of the problem with the latter is. The ranch? I... hmm... I just don't think I have the right herbs and spices. Or... something. And it was a bit watery, if most are. I want to tighten that for my own tastes. I just don't care for watery dressing. As to the slaw dressing? I might just be missing something... something small I think. Either that or I don't care for those as much as I remembered? Tastes change. Maybe I am used to it with sugar? More vinegar? I may ask my mother. She is a whiz, or knows a whiz if she doesn't know.
Hmm... a few boxes, in the living room, while I watch a show? I'm sure hungry, I wonder if I can get anything going that way? Yeah, or sleep.
Later... or to bed. I need to get the trash out, though I don't really have enough to cart all the way out so... I may just wait until tomorrow. Double bleh.
.
I just found a device which will test both blood sugar and... ketosis. I am ignorant about, exactly, what it tests. Simply that it seems to be accurate, it has good reviews and I have seen it recommended (with or without quid pro quo is anyone's guess these days). The thing is the keto strips, which are on top of the glucose test strips, are very expensive, at about $5 per. How often should you test that? Even once a day would, adding in glucose test strips (didn't check the price for theirs, which are probably proprietary, and possibly more expensive for the extras involved)... and, when I'm working it, I like to test blood glucose fairly often, twice a day is about right, more if there is an issue, a bit less if it seems to be leveling. It is amazing what is out there. It's just too bad I can't afford it. I will look around a bit, see if there are other options... perhaps look for other, similar, less expensive devices. Or just put it on my long term list, to watch for cost changes... not so much sales, I don't want to get roped in, and even on a good sale couldn't afford long term supplies. Neat but too pricey.
I could have started the longer intermittent fasting this weekend but I really felt the need to eat, to repair and heal. Along with down time and slowing down I am beginning to feel better. In one of my haiku, I mentioned the return of salmon to their spawning points. Often, depending on the fish and exact breed, the return kills them. Even if the species doesn't necessarily die, it may yet for the effort and damage taken while swimming upstream. That, a bruised inside, and even outside, is what it felt like. A severe case of it. I am much better if still a bit sore.
I would like to take this week a bit slowly as well. Assuming nothing comes up. And, should I begin feeling better, enough that I feel "out of the woods", I may begin doing daily fasting. If that goes well, this coming weekend I will do a three day fast. After that I will see what is what, sort that out, and either keep it weekly, or perhaps add another in there. I just don't know. At least with the more pressing tasks done, and the weather and season closing in, as well as a return to health, I'd like to hit it again. Yeah, but I best get potassium and other medicines back on track and do a bit of shopping. Extra cat food and litter as winter sets in. Just... if I can't get out for a couple of months I will still be okay. I worry more about the girls. I can go without, they can't. Not nicely. Fierce little critters when they go feral from hunger. Doesn't take long. But it's more than that too. A duty, a promise, a responsibility. I brought them here.
There are a lot of things I'd like to work up in the kitchen. The problem is I just don't have it going. I need to do some cleaning, catch up. So I will be keeping cooking to just the skillet for the most part. I would like to make more mayo, but that is about it.
Of the dressings I made? The slaw dressing was good. Nothing fancy but very serviceable. I really like the ranch, but it still seems to be missing something. The blue cheese was a bit of a bust. I know what some of the problem with the latter is. The ranch? I... hmm... I just don't think I have the right herbs and spices. Or... something. And it was a bit watery, if most are. I want to tighten that for my own tastes. I just don't care for watery dressing. As to the slaw dressing? I might just be missing something... something small I think. Either that or I don't care for those as much as I remembered? Tastes change. Maybe I am used to it with sugar? More vinegar? I may ask my mother. She is a whiz, or knows a whiz if she doesn't know.
Hmm... a few boxes, in the living room, while I watch a show? I'm sure hungry, I wonder if I can get anything going that way? Yeah, or sleep.
Later... or to bed. I need to get the trash out, though I don't really have enough to cart all the way out so... I may just wait until tomorrow. Double bleh.
First... post?
.
.
Not here, on one of those... it's like twitter only not. Someone who suggests they are Hitler, sort of, I guess, was suggesting that some dame was angry at him, and attacking, for eating hummus, because apparently eating hummus is Jewish. How much was wrong with that can't be summed up fully, so I went short. I didn't even hit all of the points. Hummus is as much claimed by muslims as it is by Jews (I take the Jews side on this). Still, there is that, and Hitler was a fan of islam, at least as an ally. An Axis ally. So I wrote something about Hitler being Jewish (which he was, in part), and wondering that they (him and "blondi") didn't know. I suggested I'd take the hummus and they could go back to pretending.
Since I won't use twatter, and probably won't use Gab much if Hitler wannabes are the population. Funny thing is, that is the problem with twatter, NAZIs of one kind or another. If I have to choose one form of tyranny or another, I'll not join. Time will tell. Yeah, I'm a rat bastard alright. I pretty much don't want the crap that's going on. Though, on Trump, I wish he was half of what many people are saying he is. I have doubts about him. He is very similar, for the most part, to Hillary. But before barking, so was Romney, McCain, Bush(s), all very similar. He is simply the only politician who suggests anything about closing the border and possible repatriation. A nation without borders ceases to be a nation.
Anyway. As I said, I wish Trump was half what his opponents suggest. He simply isn't. He might go a little to the right of her, and other Republicans (no difference on major issues), on the border. But don't expect much else. I am also certain he will stealth install the most, worst, liberal judges. He will be no different than her, though neither would any of the others. Roberts is a prime example of Republican S.C. justice picks, but certainly not the only one, not even the only one still on the court. Without a border, repatriation, and perhaps trade that actually make sense for Americans and not the global wealthy, however, there won't be a nation. It'll just be a UN drone, as are most nations. And look where that is getting them.
Not sure if I'll mess with Gab. I'll check, from time to time. The Hitler type seems to have negged my comment. I'm waiting to see if he is in the majority or minority. If it's his place, I'll leave them to their hell. If it isn't, I might stay and play. I'm not going to bicker banter. I played my cards, they are the truth, won't negotiate. I'm simply not into reconstructing history. Damned kids anyway.
Later.
.
Not here, on one of those... it's like twitter only not. Someone who suggests they are Hitler, sort of, I guess, was suggesting that some dame was angry at him, and attacking, for eating hummus, because apparently eating hummus is Jewish. How much was wrong with that can't be summed up fully, so I went short. I didn't even hit all of the points. Hummus is as much claimed by muslims as it is by Jews (I take the Jews side on this). Still, there is that, and Hitler was a fan of islam, at least as an ally. An Axis ally. So I wrote something about Hitler being Jewish (which he was, in part), and wondering that they (him and "blondi") didn't know. I suggested I'd take the hummus and they could go back to pretending.
Since I won't use twatter, and probably won't use Gab much if Hitler wannabes are the population. Funny thing is, that is the problem with twatter, NAZIs of one kind or another. If I have to choose one form of tyranny or another, I'll not join. Time will tell. Yeah, I'm a rat bastard alright. I pretty much don't want the crap that's going on. Though, on Trump, I wish he was half of what many people are saying he is. I have doubts about him. He is very similar, for the most part, to Hillary. But before barking, so was Romney, McCain, Bush(s), all very similar. He is simply the only politician who suggests anything about closing the border and possible repatriation. A nation without borders ceases to be a nation.
Anyway. As I said, I wish Trump was half what his opponents suggest. He simply isn't. He might go a little to the right of her, and other Republicans (no difference on major issues), on the border. But don't expect much else. I am also certain he will stealth install the most, worst, liberal judges. He will be no different than her, though neither would any of the others. Roberts is a prime example of Republican S.C. justice picks, but certainly not the only one, not even the only one still on the court. Without a border, repatriation, and perhaps trade that actually make sense for Americans and not the global wealthy, however, there won't be a nation. It'll just be a UN drone, as are most nations. And look where that is getting them.
Not sure if I'll mess with Gab. I'll check, from time to time. The Hitler type seems to have negged my comment. I'm waiting to see if he is in the majority or minority. If it's his place, I'll leave them to their hell. If it isn't, I might stay and play. I'm not going to bicker banter. I played my cards, they are the truth, won't negotiate. I'm simply not into reconstructing history. Damned kids anyway.
Later.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Box after box.
.
.
Slow, lately. And, yet, the work continues. Sometimes I don't get to a box for a day or three. Sometimes I do two, even four, boxes on a day. My guess is I am hitting a box every other day. It doesn't sound like much. Given what else is going on, my condition, the weather, the need for rest, and that organization is my weakest area, I am good with that. And there are boxes of various sizes.
Beside boxes, areas are being hit and, mostly, kept up. Lately I have been sliding just a bit. I think that is fine. I think, with what else I am doing, and the slow speed of the slide, I should do alright, and catch up when I regain my wind and acclimate to the darker and cooler portion of the year. It's a race, a slow one. If I try to be the rabbit, as a general rule, I lose. But if I try to just be the tortoise I can become dissatisfied. I don't always have the choice.
The goal? To be pretty much cleared and cleaned by spring, at least to some level. Some things in the boxes are tossed, some are simply reboxed, some are added in with other things of their type, sometimes I just don't know. The goal is to get rid of anything that really isn't going to help while living a bit more roughly in Alaska. Well, and to even make sure if I keel over at some point "unexpectedly" I won't leave as much of a mess. What about kitchen wares? If they are organized, it would be simple for someone to go through. Further, having my own serious kit, in Alaska, might well buy my way into at least board and keep. I have to guess there are camps which could use an extra cook, a part time previsioner cook, especially with his own tools and else. There might even be some light value there. Just know, if you buy a high quality item, it is worse than buying a car. So you best want it or it had best pay for itself in quality of foods, ease of use, or some such.
It is sort of fun, going over items I have chosen through time. Some items were, and still are, quite good to own. Some of these things, it is hoped, will find a better place so as to become available easily. A set of heavy stitching needles and threads, for everything from tarps to upholstery to leather... riveters, for cloth and construction... books on many notions, if those seem to be questionable as to real use. Still, I suppose they are a start... drawing pens and pencils, paper, and even books of anatomy both human and animal, and other sorts of design books. Much has been purchased and is on hand. Some of it has been used, some not so much. Some simply forgotten, some simply not yet needed, other bits have been used from time to time. Even in the service it was known, if an item, bauble, idea, or technique was needed, professionally or otherwise, I could solve or help solve much. Teach or do, as a fellow or as a sailor, I was a resource. Officers, chiefs, and my fellow enlisted knew and used this... and didn't even mind that I brought two seabags on subs. Funny looks, but never a required reboot or unload.
Now, that could creep up on hoarding. And, in ill health, easily does. But that isn't the intent. As I heal, become more rational of mind, hale of body, I am beginning to sort, store, and toss. I don't mind having useful items. But they do need to be organized. As my door is open, so is my larder and the rest. A thanks, replacement of expendables if greatly taxed, and a required request. Don't still, take, or assume... save those I have given that right. Still, I am easy. Bit, now, to regain order, mastery, so as not to be a hoarder... mostly. Well, and to keep it in order for my death. I do have the rest of my life. And, to be honest, I think I am only about half way through. Bleh. Yeah, best get organized.
Later.
.
Slow, lately. And, yet, the work continues. Sometimes I don't get to a box for a day or three. Sometimes I do two, even four, boxes on a day. My guess is I am hitting a box every other day. It doesn't sound like much. Given what else is going on, my condition, the weather, the need for rest, and that organization is my weakest area, I am good with that. And there are boxes of various sizes.
Beside boxes, areas are being hit and, mostly, kept up. Lately I have been sliding just a bit. I think that is fine. I think, with what else I am doing, and the slow speed of the slide, I should do alright, and catch up when I regain my wind and acclimate to the darker and cooler portion of the year. It's a race, a slow one. If I try to be the rabbit, as a general rule, I lose. But if I try to just be the tortoise I can become dissatisfied. I don't always have the choice.
The goal? To be pretty much cleared and cleaned by spring, at least to some level. Some things in the boxes are tossed, some are simply reboxed, some are added in with other things of their type, sometimes I just don't know. The goal is to get rid of anything that really isn't going to help while living a bit more roughly in Alaska. Well, and to even make sure if I keel over at some point "unexpectedly" I won't leave as much of a mess. What about kitchen wares? If they are organized, it would be simple for someone to go through. Further, having my own serious kit, in Alaska, might well buy my way into at least board and keep. I have to guess there are camps which could use an extra cook, a part time previsioner cook, especially with his own tools and else. There might even be some light value there. Just know, if you buy a high quality item, it is worse than buying a car. So you best want it or it had best pay for itself in quality of foods, ease of use, or some such.
It is sort of fun, going over items I have chosen through time. Some items were, and still are, quite good to own. Some of these things, it is hoped, will find a better place so as to become available easily. A set of heavy stitching needles and threads, for everything from tarps to upholstery to leather... riveters, for cloth and construction... books on many notions, if those seem to be questionable as to real use. Still, I suppose they are a start... drawing pens and pencils, paper, and even books of anatomy both human and animal, and other sorts of design books. Much has been purchased and is on hand. Some of it has been used, some not so much. Some simply forgotten, some simply not yet needed, other bits have been used from time to time. Even in the service it was known, if an item, bauble, idea, or technique was needed, professionally or otherwise, I could solve or help solve much. Teach or do, as a fellow or as a sailor, I was a resource. Officers, chiefs, and my fellow enlisted knew and used this... and didn't even mind that I brought two seabags on subs. Funny looks, but never a required reboot or unload.
Now, that could creep up on hoarding. And, in ill health, easily does. But that isn't the intent. As I heal, become more rational of mind, hale of body, I am beginning to sort, store, and toss. I don't mind having useful items. But they do need to be organized. As my door is open, so is my larder and the rest. A thanks, replacement of expendables if greatly taxed, and a required request. Don't still, take, or assume... save those I have given that right. Still, I am easy. Bit, now, to regain order, mastery, so as not to be a hoarder... mostly. Well, and to keep it in order for my death. I do have the rest of my life. And, to be honest, I think I am only about half way through. Bleh. Yeah, best get organized.
Later.
Lots of sleep.
.
.
I'm not doing much. Knew I wouldn't be. The pains are becoming mild, mere complaints of note. Exhaustion remains if it softens. Overcast skies, rain, and cool, while enjoyable to all weatherphiles, especially with a moderate level of safety, also add to being tired. As despised as the sun can be, cursing it to shadow is unwise. Too much, too little, both a definite bane. Still, having things mostly tended, so as to be able to rest up... this is good. I enjoy having four strong seasons for this very reason. If, like a child who doesn't wish to sleep at night, the will to fight the waxing of life and function into fall and winter is just the way of it.
Of course, as with each season, and all else, acclimation and a rescheduling of life to handle the changes, will take place. I have been doing better in winters of late. Actually, in spite of the problems all about, I am doing much better in each season. I pwned summer this year. Even if I was down, it wasn't for the heat. It was usually from doing too much and then falling. Better. And yet I believe I could do much better.
I dreamed of children, many, and grandchildren into their early teens. I saw no generation after that. Such a sad dream, for it could not be true. I mean, it could be, but it couldn't be. Could it? It seems so simple and yet... not. One woman I read was discussing an uncle who lived to his mid eighties. He died while riding a motorcycle. His heart just stopped. He had gotten to middle age, and was ready to settle down, but no woman could be found. That may or may not be the way of it. Though I think she has some... hope that is the truth. Women hate, passively, that men can function this way well beyond their ability. Dark intents at the hopes of a man beyond their will. Plus, that leaves them out, past a certain age. Those who can't gang together, both against men who don't want them and women who can. Now... to find one who can... with whom to join forces and set their dire will on it's head... and a few other things. *grins... blink blink*
Ah, well, what? I dunno. Later.
.
I'm not doing much. Knew I wouldn't be. The pains are becoming mild, mere complaints of note. Exhaustion remains if it softens. Overcast skies, rain, and cool, while enjoyable to all weatherphiles, especially with a moderate level of safety, also add to being tired. As despised as the sun can be, cursing it to shadow is unwise. Too much, too little, both a definite bane. Still, having things mostly tended, so as to be able to rest up... this is good. I enjoy having four strong seasons for this very reason. If, like a child who doesn't wish to sleep at night, the will to fight the waxing of life and function into fall and winter is just the way of it.
Of course, as with each season, and all else, acclimation and a rescheduling of life to handle the changes, will take place. I have been doing better in winters of late. Actually, in spite of the problems all about, I am doing much better in each season. I pwned summer this year. Even if I was down, it wasn't for the heat. It was usually from doing too much and then falling. Better. And yet I believe I could do much better.
I dreamed of children, many, and grandchildren into their early teens. I saw no generation after that. Such a sad dream, for it could not be true. I mean, it could be, but it couldn't be. Could it? It seems so simple and yet... not. One woman I read was discussing an uncle who lived to his mid eighties. He died while riding a motorcycle. His heart just stopped. He had gotten to middle age, and was ready to settle down, but no woman could be found. That may or may not be the way of it. Though I think she has some... hope that is the truth. Women hate, passively, that men can function this way well beyond their ability. Dark intents at the hopes of a man beyond their will. Plus, that leaves them out, past a certain age. Those who can't gang together, both against men who don't want them and women who can. Now... to find one who can... with whom to join forces and set their dire will on it's head... and a few other things. *grins... blink blink*
Ah, well, what? I dunno. Later.
When I get over dying, another project.
.
.
Yeah. I don't know what is wrong. I simply know something is terribly off. Cool. I've done this gig a thousand thousand times. I'm not actually dying. If I were you, sure. I'm simply not that lucky, blessed, or graced? No offense to God. It's my nature. Even as I have made my peace with God, and come around to serve at the least, perhaps even joining the family at least for my part, I still am what I am. Some would choose to suffer many sorts of hell for another moment of breath. Some won't tolerate the slightest of pain. I stopped living, or dying, for myself. His will. Amen.
Anyway. Project? Yes. Oh, well, maybe not at this level. I do not believe I could afford to have edible flowers flown in from... hmm... wherever such might be grown. Nor do I believe I could go hunting them, and should I have that ability I would not trust my skills. Though, perhaps, if they can be grown, that might be an option in time, just not all that soon. It's the wrong season. Hmm... you know... I could check on that actually. It's not like I am going to get better all that quickly. Those flowers look more like shoots, though they do have blossoms. There... are tricks to that. I do have a grow center, and grow lights. Bleh.
.
Yeah. I don't know what is wrong. I simply know something is terribly off. Cool. I've done this gig a thousand thousand times. I'm not actually dying. If I were you, sure. I'm simply not that lucky, blessed, or graced? No offense to God. It's my nature. Even as I have made my peace with God, and come around to serve at the least, perhaps even joining the family at least for my part, I still am what I am. Some would choose to suffer many sorts of hell for another moment of breath. Some won't tolerate the slightest of pain. I stopped living, or dying, for myself. His will. Amen.
Anyway. Project? Yes. Oh, well, maybe not at this level. I do not believe I could afford to have edible flowers flown in from... hmm... wherever such might be grown. Nor do I believe I could go hunting them, and should I have that ability I would not trust my skills. Though, perhaps, if they can be grown, that might be an option in time, just not all that soon. It's the wrong season. Hmm... you know... I could check on that actually. It's not like I am going to get better all that quickly. Those flowers look more like shoots, though they do have blossoms. There... are tricks to that. I do have a grow center, and grow lights. Bleh.
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