Rested well and long, and soon again.

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A flame, lost to time, relit in the distance.  Considerations.  Not of rekindling, that is always fail.  This shrew will not be tamed.  Still, a friend, for my part.  All I have left as such, save the one who stole my heart, buried with her and child.  With that one remains both love and some hate, anger, and some other dark things.  I hear others speak of close lost loves, but never hear such things from them.  It makes me wonder if I am alone in my feelings, or alone in my honesty.

She is turning a corner, or making the effort... to get out of debt.  I'm not sure it is possible.  That is what our relationship hung upon, technically.  It wasn't the reason, but the excuse.  I put my foot down and made demands, she refused those.  She didn't think I'd walk.  I knew what I was facing, with a woman like her, and refused.  These grounds were just to show that the soil was barren... she would never abide even wisdom.

I am attempting to turn the corner of health.  I was discussing my sleep, and she remembered how it was then... days of sleep, or wakefulness, and more sometimes.  She was a bit shocked to hear that I sleep daily, now.  If it shifts, I do sleep about eight hours a day, as a general rule.  And I am usually awake at least that much, though often to sixteen hours.  I explained it as mostly regular, just on a permanently rotating swing shift... something she knows from her employment.  There can be times where things are off, but when she knew me it was always off.  I explained that the heart medicine, while it wouldn't fix things much, it did enough so that I can begin doing things on my end... at least a bit.

With her phone on all the time, I may call her once in a while now.  For a while, due to finances, I think it was so hit and miss that I just let that go.  I let her know that, should she need something, as an emergency, she could ask.  I can't swing the world, but I can swing... a hundred, even a thousand.  Even if I can't be repaid in some cases.  I finally contacted her back.  She wrote, and sent pictures, a few months back, when my feet first went to hell.  I... didn't have good news or such so didn't want to talk or write.  Then lost the envelope so I couldn't just write.  I wasn't sure I had her number, or if it was working as I suggested, so I called, left a message, and she called back almost immediately.

I told her a bit about intermittent fasting, how I am doing it and trying to run things.  She knew about keto.  I told her about kefir, again I think, but also about probiotic buttermilk and creme fraiche.  She isn't in to washed rind cheeses, though may have had her curiosity peaked by the bean, four meat, and such cheese casserole.  And chicken confit seemed to have gotten her interest.  She is the type who won't always say, she just gets quiet when something interests her.  You have to listen for nothing, longer pauses.  Which means she is really interested, or looking at a bug on a tree.  She is a strange bird, that one.

Well... I took care of... a return contact, and with better... gooder... news.  To be honest, should I marry, I might well engage her to be a in house help.  I'm not sure she would accept the position.  Not at first.  But in time.  It would be, when it isn't a problem, an excellent situation.  She is fairly good at things when she isn't too tired.  Full time work, which is what she does, is and has been too much for her, for too long.  I think she would do well as an extra fill for housework, shopping, childcare, and the rest.  And she would have a reasonable place to live for little, a living home, not one of those dark places, tucked away, where everyone is dying.  Just a thought.

Back to bed.  As much for one final shot at evening out the rest I need as well as, perhaps, resetting days and nights.  Resetting my schedule as days are shrinking at a terrible pace is always a bit tricky.  What else is there, however, but to give it my best shot?  Good evening, and night.