.
.
I had hoped to get some things done today, and will, am. Just not as much as I had hoped. This week was as close to a sprint as I can get. I am pretty zapped. I did a few small things here in the house, then set up the garden for automatic watering then rearranged a hose to spray a remaining part of the lawn. I will hit the front and back yard right were they got hit yesterday again today. This is the first time at trying to set the garden to automatically water the garden, so I have a timer set for shortly after it starts. I will check on it, making adjustments or fixes as necessary.
Most of my day has been used to rest. I need rest, badly. I didn't really want to mess with watering, I just must do that. I can't fix what is wrong, but I can change behavior today and onward, for as long as I can. And so I do. I doubt if much will happen tomorrow, either. And it is hot out there. No raking, no more work save watering, until I can catch my breath.
Medicines have been being taken like clockwork. It's been almost a week and a half since I straightened out the mess of hit and miss on that. It does help, sometimes. When it isn't hurting. I suspected I wouldn't be working quite as quickly as I did, so perhaps I am finally hitting that wall I thought I would hit right off the bat. No worries. I'll just take rest when required, getting back into the game when possible.
A few side projects I will be researching, or one at least, is getting the drip irrigation situated so that I can water the hanging baskets. If I do that, I will buy more flowers for those, if need be. It does look like the ones that are there are dead. Another day, and watering, will let me know for certain. I really liked the bluish purple flowers too. Little things, but such vibrant color. I'm not a great fan of growy things you can't eat, but even I was impressed. I... liked those. A lot. I'll do some research before going back to resting. I probably have everything needed, probably. I just don't quite know how to set it up for over the house, and up and around the porch roof line.
I did make rice. Adding canned tuna and cheese to some, eating the rest of it just with butter and salt. And I did straighten the floor freezer. I'm getting low. I really need to order another hog, and contemplate a side or quarter of beef. Well, and begin looking for someone that raises lamb. I don't see a lot of fowl being raised out here, currently, otherwise I would look for duck, goose, maybe even chicken. It isn't about the local movement, a fad really, as literally marrying to the land and people I live on and with. I avoid the term organic with a passion, and for good reason. It is wasteful in product and offers no guaranteed value nutritionally or through eliminating the use of "bad things". But I will buy local, otherwise, when the option is available. If I had more energy, I would fish, too. Putting up a small group for the winter, while providing meals through the spring and into fall, could help the bottom line and with food I do enjoy. Perhaps in time, if I won't hold my breath.
On to gaming, and resting... before checking the garden watering automation. Later.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Friday, is it.
.
.
I had thought yesterday was Thursday. Toward the end of the day, however, I started to wonder. Someone put up their ritual music for Friday. Of course, putting it up early isn't a bad choice. And I was up late. Between finishing the watering, and coming down from a long day, and week really so far, I wasn't tucked away until right at midnight. Sleep didn't creep up on me, or need to be coaxed. It was more akin to being blindsided by a bus, only waking up from the impact was much smoother and painless.
I indicate, at times, that I enjoy pain. It does have it's uses, but it is to be endured. And, at times, sought in order to progress. Hmm, no, pain isn't actually sought, even then. But it will happen, so it is confused with what is sought. In any case, as I come out of my most recent spell, I have been going more slowly. I'm not yet ready to push into pain. And I haven't been. And yet I have been able to cut a decent piece of pie from my want to do list. All good, for now. Another week or two, at this level, and I might be able, willing, interested, in digging that bit deeper. Hopefully with a clean, neat, cave in which to tend the pain. I need to go there, from time to time, for a number of reasons. As I can. And I want to go there. Always have. I'm just not quite ready. I think of minor caused pains, from strengthening and growing rightly, as the pop quizzes for the life I know. You should see the finals! Oh, yes, those are going to hurt. And the ph. d. presentation? Yeah. So, I best dig in when I can.
I'll have to figure out what I am doing today. Since it isn't Saturday, continuing to work at an upper level seems fair. I will definitely do sweeping, some vacuuming, and mopping, plus go ahead with the calking if I get to that point. And more straightening. If I can get that stuff mostly done this morning, I might try to make it to the store this afternoon. It's been a while since I have been out. And, as a last thing, this evening, I might give the yard, and especially the areas that weren't hit, more water... along with the garden. I think I can water the garden earlier, as the sun is pretty much clear from that by 17:00 or so. Then I can water the grass two, maybe three, hours after that, and be done an hour earlier than I was last night.
That would take care of what I had planned to do Saturday. So, instead, on Saturday, I might get out the rake and wheelbarrow and remove branches in the yard, and hit a couple of areas with the weedeater. A nice outside job. If done early enough, it won't be too hot. Then rest, as with Sunday, though along with some minor, sitting, tending of minor areas, like my desktop. Oh, and perhaps, somewhere in there, sanding the bench top. Because if I make it to town this afternoon, I will be buying some goop for the bench along with the groceries I need. I will also be making some calls and arranging some visits for next week. A day at the range would be good, in the morning or later in the day. A social call, with guns. And perhaps another sort of social call. As my home tips more to being in shape the notion of having a visitor becomes more reasonable.
It almost sounds like too much. But I think I can do most, very possibly all, of it... and maybe more. I just have to do it a bit at a time, taking breaks, and keeping on it. Later.
--------
Scratch that, it is Saturday. Just waking, and misinterpreting bloggers "day". Which is "from - to", not the exact day. Not quite as heavy of a day, but the sweeping, mopping, toilet maintenance, and sanding, I believe. And maybe a trip to town, and watering of things. If I hold out. Light work tomorrow, very light, though with one more watering session.
.
I had thought yesterday was Thursday. Toward the end of the day, however, I started to wonder. Someone put up their ritual music for Friday. Of course, putting it up early isn't a bad choice. And I was up late. Between finishing the watering, and coming down from a long day, and week really so far, I wasn't tucked away until right at midnight. Sleep didn't creep up on me, or need to be coaxed. It was more akin to being blindsided by a bus, only waking up from the impact was much smoother and painless.
I indicate, at times, that I enjoy pain. It does have it's uses, but it is to be endured. And, at times, sought in order to progress. Hmm, no, pain isn't actually sought, even then. But it will happen, so it is confused with what is sought. In any case, as I come out of my most recent spell, I have been going more slowly. I'm not yet ready to push into pain. And I haven't been. And yet I have been able to cut a decent piece of pie from my want to do list. All good, for now. Another week or two, at this level, and I might be able, willing, interested, in digging that bit deeper. Hopefully with a clean, neat, cave in which to tend the pain. I need to go there, from time to time, for a number of reasons. As I can. And I want to go there. Always have. I'm just not quite ready. I think of minor caused pains, from strengthening and growing rightly, as the pop quizzes for the life I know. You should see the finals! Oh, yes, those are going to hurt. And the ph. d. presentation? Yeah. So, I best dig in when I can.
I'll have to figure out what I am doing today. Since it isn't Saturday, continuing to work at an upper level seems fair. I will definitely do sweeping, some vacuuming, and mopping, plus go ahead with the calking if I get to that point. And more straightening. If I can get that stuff mostly done this morning, I might try to make it to the store this afternoon. It's been a while since I have been out. And, as a last thing, this evening, I might give the yard, and especially the areas that weren't hit, more water... along with the garden. I think I can water the garden earlier, as the sun is pretty much clear from that by 17:00 or so. Then I can water the grass two, maybe three, hours after that, and be done an hour earlier than I was last night.
That would take care of what I had planned to do Saturday. So, instead, on Saturday, I might get out the rake and wheelbarrow and remove branches in the yard, and hit a couple of areas with the weedeater. A nice outside job. If done early enough, it won't be too hot. Then rest, as with Sunday, though along with some minor, sitting, tending of minor areas, like my desktop. Oh, and perhaps, somewhere in there, sanding the bench top. Because if I make it to town this afternoon, I will be buying some goop for the bench along with the groceries I need. I will also be making some calls and arranging some visits for next week. A day at the range would be good, in the morning or later in the day. A social call, with guns. And perhaps another sort of social call. As my home tips more to being in shape the notion of having a visitor becomes more reasonable.
It almost sounds like too much. But I think I can do most, very possibly all, of it... and maybe more. I just have to do it a bit at a time, taking breaks, and keeping on it. Later.
--------
Scratch that, it is Saturday. Just waking, and misinterpreting bloggers "day". Which is "from - to", not the exact day. Not quite as heavy of a day, but the sweeping, mopping, toilet maintenance, and sanding, I believe. And maybe a trip to town, and watering of things. If I hold out. Light work tomorrow, very light, though with one more watering session.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Not bad, not at all.
.
.
Keeping right on things. I had to move a couple of the hoses and sprinklers and run them another hour. I still didn't get all of the lawn. It's a start. The garden was well watered, and the flowers were watered earlier. I didn't have enough spunk to do much in the kitchen, definitely not a sweep. Instead I did the little bit of organizing and cleaning of it, and then collected cardboard boxes and the hoses and other discard from the old reverse osmosis system. I am over-done. I am just finishing up a spot in my game. I've been doing that when I need rest or when the time isn't right to work.
Tomorrow? I can't remember what I had planned, but, if it is Saturday as I suspect, then I will try to keep it light. I want to scrub the bathroom floor, but if I do that then I want to hit the kitchen floor, which means sweeping before mopping. Bleh. But, that is a part of it. When the bathroom is mopped, then I can calk around the toilet. The problem is, the toilet butts right up against the wall, or very close. I'll have to see what I can do. Perhaps I can use a putty knife to work it in? Don't know, will have to see when I get to that point. It's good to know I'm not a pure man-pig though. It's just, I guess, how toilets work. Calking? Who knew.
I am definitely ready for bed. The cave is far from clean and neat, but so much closer. When I walk into the kitchen or the computer room, I am sometimes surprised to see it so much... neater... different. I do like it. I probably won't be able to keep it up, but I do like it. So much fine detail, attention to detail, organization. But more, it is a constant energy drain. I'll go as far as I can with it. I'm not doing much else, and I can.
Now it is good night. Sleep well, I will.
.
Keeping right on things. I had to move a couple of the hoses and sprinklers and run them another hour. I still didn't get all of the lawn. It's a start. The garden was well watered, and the flowers were watered earlier. I didn't have enough spunk to do much in the kitchen, definitely not a sweep. Instead I did the little bit of organizing and cleaning of it, and then collected cardboard boxes and the hoses and other discard from the old reverse osmosis system. I am over-done. I am just finishing up a spot in my game. I've been doing that when I need rest or when the time isn't right to work.
Tomorrow? I can't remember what I had planned, but, if it is Saturday as I suspect, then I will try to keep it light. I want to scrub the bathroom floor, but if I do that then I want to hit the kitchen floor, which means sweeping before mopping. Bleh. But, that is a part of it. When the bathroom is mopped, then I can calk around the toilet. The problem is, the toilet butts right up against the wall, or very close. I'll have to see what I can do. Perhaps I can use a putty knife to work it in? Don't know, will have to see when I get to that point. It's good to know I'm not a pure man-pig though. It's just, I guess, how toilets work. Calking? Who knew.
I am definitely ready for bed. The cave is far from clean and neat, but so much closer. When I walk into the kitchen or the computer room, I am sometimes surprised to see it so much... neater... different. I do like it. I probably won't be able to keep it up, but I do like it. So much fine detail, attention to detail, organization. But more, it is a constant energy drain. I'll go as far as I can with it. I'm not doing much else, and I can.
Now it is good night. Sleep well, I will.
Almost done.
.
.
I did get the drip feeders on and set up. Then I just set it to run for an hour, though... since I forgot to connect some things, I can probably kick it off in an half hour. I tried to run all of it at once, but there is simply too much pressure demand. So, the lawn won't get watered until the garden is finished. Then again, I was pushing it with the lawn. While the sun is lower, it is still shining on the lawn. Yeah, it burns it even at an angle. I just got in a bit of a rush. I can probably check on it any time now. After writing this, anyway. It is hot out there, but due to a couple of mistakes, I got a little splash of the cold and wet. Actually, that wasn't bad at all. I might have to do it on purpose from time to time.
After I change garden to lawn watering, I'll do just a bit in the kitchen. Just to say I did do something in there. Put a few things away off the table and sweep? Sounds good. I have been making food. I wasn't up to cooking beans, but that is why I keep cans of that around. Along with hamburger and some spices, I can make a decent burrito. Two days of that is getting old, but it was good to eat something a little more complex that just a hamburger or hot dog.
I am tired though. I'll be pushing it, just a bit, to finish. All good. I will sleep well, again, tonight. And tomorrow and Sunday will be slow days. I am going to avoid planning until Sunday night. I know I want to get into town. I had sort of hoped to do it today, but with what else I had planned, that didn't seem reasonable. Tomorrow I need a break, as with Sunday. Monday would be the earliest. I just won't say that is the day I want to go, or will go. I'll just have to see where things sit later Sunday. This week has worn me out. All good. Good night.
.
I did get the drip feeders on and set up. Then I just set it to run for an hour, though... since I forgot to connect some things, I can probably kick it off in an half hour. I tried to run all of it at once, but there is simply too much pressure demand. So, the lawn won't get watered until the garden is finished. Then again, I was pushing it with the lawn. While the sun is lower, it is still shining on the lawn. Yeah, it burns it even at an angle. I just got in a bit of a rush. I can probably check on it any time now. After writing this, anyway. It is hot out there, but due to a couple of mistakes, I got a little splash of the cold and wet. Actually, that wasn't bad at all. I might have to do it on purpose from time to time.
After I change garden to lawn watering, I'll do just a bit in the kitchen. Just to say I did do something in there. Put a few things away off the table and sweep? Sounds good. I have been making food. I wasn't up to cooking beans, but that is why I keep cans of that around. Along with hamburger and some spices, I can make a decent burrito. Two days of that is getting old, but it was good to eat something a little more complex that just a hamburger or hot dog.
I am tired though. I'll be pushing it, just a bit, to finish. All good. I will sleep well, again, tonight. And tomorrow and Sunday will be slow days. I am going to avoid planning until Sunday night. I know I want to get into town. I had sort of hoped to do it today, but with what else I had planned, that didn't seem reasonable. Tomorrow I need a break, as with Sunday. Monday would be the earliest. I just won't say that is the day I want to go, or will go. I'll just have to see where things sit later Sunday. This week has worn me out. All good. Good night.
Pleasantly rested already.
.
.
I could actually hit something heavy yet. However, I will wait until it is cooler, then get the sprinklers working. And, after that, perhaps set the drip irrigation to work. Can you believe there are some tomatoes on the plants, through the heat, without water for weeks? They aren't the prettiest things. Perhaps water will help. I am not sure if anything is actually salvageable. Time will tell. Oh, and not all of the flowers died, just the ones in the small planters. The big planter flowers, cactus seeming things, and such, are doing quite well. I did put some water in all of the planters, just in case some of the seemingly dead ones might come back to life. Hey, I've been on the edge before. It can happen. Actually, that is what I am doing with the tomato and jalapeno plants. I did get out and give them some water, at their bases, before going down. A second chance, really. A dubious one.
It isn't what I am doing, did, or will do, that... causes me to write. It's the little thing that isn't discussed, but around which all of that occurs, leaving room for even more. That I am already rested up, and ready to go and would go were it not for the heat and that it isn't the right time to do the chores, is the thing that got me. I really thought, after doing what I did this morning, that I would be done for the day... anything else I would do would have to be a heavy push. I am very surprised, and pleased, to be back ready to do more. My work, this evening, will still be a bit of a push, since it will be nearing the end of my day. That's always a more difficult time to do things. But my body won't be an additional problem. It's a seeming tiny notion, but one that has huge implications.
Oh, I know, it will come and go. I live in, and for, moments. It's all I have. When the moments are splendid, strong, easy enough... then I really get to enjoy them. And I am. Who could imagine enjoying work? Physical work? But I do. At least as a counter to thought, or even cooperation with thought. Later.
.
I could actually hit something heavy yet. However, I will wait until it is cooler, then get the sprinklers working. And, after that, perhaps set the drip irrigation to work. Can you believe there are some tomatoes on the plants, through the heat, without water for weeks? They aren't the prettiest things. Perhaps water will help. I am not sure if anything is actually salvageable. Time will tell. Oh, and not all of the flowers died, just the ones in the small planters. The big planter flowers, cactus seeming things, and such, are doing quite well. I did put some water in all of the planters, just in case some of the seemingly dead ones might come back to life. Hey, I've been on the edge before. It can happen. Actually, that is what I am doing with the tomato and jalapeno plants. I did get out and give them some water, at their bases, before going down. A second chance, really. A dubious one.
It isn't what I am doing, did, or will do, that... causes me to write. It's the little thing that isn't discussed, but around which all of that occurs, leaving room for even more. That I am already rested up, and ready to go and would go were it not for the heat and that it isn't the right time to do the chores, is the thing that got me. I really thought, after doing what I did this morning, that I would be done for the day... anything else I would do would have to be a heavy push. I am very surprised, and pleased, to be back ready to do more. My work, this evening, will still be a bit of a push, since it will be nearing the end of my day. That's always a more difficult time to do things. But my body won't be an additional problem. It's a seeming tiny notion, but one that has huge implications.
Oh, I know, it will come and go. I live in, and for, moments. It's all I have. When the moments are splendid, strong, easy enough... then I really get to enjoy them. And I am. Who could imagine enjoying work? Physical work? But I do. At least as a counter to thought, or even cooperation with thought. Later.
Wiped out.
.
.
I did get it. The lawn is ready to be watered, the outside perimeter of the cave, plus the inside of the garage this time, have been sprayed for bugs. And then a shower. I did it pretty quickly, really. Starting at about 11:30 and it is now just almost 13:30. That might be a land speed record for me. But I am done, at least for three or four hours, but just as likely for the day. As I make passes to the bathroom, however, I might do little bits and pieces in the kitchen. Deciding and putting this or that in a place that makes sense, washing this or that, or tossing something I have decided has no further use. Dunno, but I am happy with what I have done. Oh, well, I will set the sprinklers to watering the grass later this evening. After the sun has set enough that it isn't hitting the grass, mostly. A good hour, tonight. I may adjust the sprinklers for tomorrow. A couple of heavy waterings, perhaps for the next three days, then back that down to three times a week. Oh, crap. I forgot to water the plants, and yes, I am going to do that before I settle in to gaming. Poor things.
Later.
.
I did get it. The lawn is ready to be watered, the outside perimeter of the cave, plus the inside of the garage this time, have been sprayed for bugs. And then a shower. I did it pretty quickly, really. Starting at about 11:30 and it is now just almost 13:30. That might be a land speed record for me. But I am done, at least for three or four hours, but just as likely for the day. As I make passes to the bathroom, however, I might do little bits and pieces in the kitchen. Deciding and putting this or that in a place that makes sense, washing this or that, or tossing something I have decided has no further use. Dunno, but I am happy with what I have done. Oh, well, I will set the sprinklers to watering the grass later this evening. After the sun has set enough that it isn't hitting the grass, mostly. A good hour, tonight. I may adjust the sprinklers for tomorrow. A couple of heavy waterings, perhaps for the next three days, then back that down to three times a week. Oh, crap. I forgot to water the plants, and yes, I am going to do that before I settle in to gaming. Poor things.
Later.
Not quite as bad as I thought.
.
.
Oh, the grass is brown. But some of the plants might survive, if I begin watering them. I may hit them with water now, just at the base, and then water them tonight. I was sure they would be completely dead. Not so much, not all of them. The real surprise was setting up the hoses. I thought that was going to quash me, all by itself. Really? It just wasn't that bad. Winded, but I did it pretty quickly, for me anyway. I won't run the water until tonight. But I did get the sprinklers roughly aimed where I want them to go. The rubber hoses I am sure about, the others... I will just have to see if they failed yet, or not. I have several spare, and may buy another hose or two, slowly replacing all of the junk hoses with longer lasting, heavier duty, ones. As they wear out, anyway. Damned expensive, but if the quality proofs the price, there you go.
I also swept so that I can spray for bugs shortly. I let Sam run with me while I was putting the hoses out, then she came in, thinking she would be allowed to play the in-and-out game. Tricked her. I need her in, for at least three hours, after I spray. She neither knows, nor cares, she just wants to do what she wants to do, and being inside isn't it. Like a child, or woman, she holds her head high in ignorance. Oh? Yeah, sure, men do too, but as the apex predators... and son's of Adam, we are the end of the line. So... tuck your head in your lap and prepare for a ride! Anyway... after the rest I get posting this, I will spray, then shower. Good to shower after sweating, and spraying. Then a bit of down time as I figure out what next to do. The kitchen table, a bit more sorting as I can. Then sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping the kitchen and bathroom. After that I don't think there will be much else I can do.
Tomorrow I only plan on doing a few simple things. Clearing and cleaning my desktop, calking around the toilet, and resting. Perhaps sanding the workbench top, and putting up a few things for out there. Sunday, mostly, will be a day of rest. Then I will figure out where to go, and what to do, Sunday night and try to hit it Monday... or Tuesday. It has been a very good week. I am back on track for as long as it will last. I can not only see a future, I can plan it, then make some of those plans happen. And organize? Seriously? That has me... amazed. Magic. Later.
.
Oh, the grass is brown. But some of the plants might survive, if I begin watering them. I may hit them with water now, just at the base, and then water them tonight. I was sure they would be completely dead. Not so much, not all of them. The real surprise was setting up the hoses. I thought that was going to quash me, all by itself. Really? It just wasn't that bad. Winded, but I did it pretty quickly, for me anyway. I won't run the water until tonight. But I did get the sprinklers roughly aimed where I want them to go. The rubber hoses I am sure about, the others... I will just have to see if they failed yet, or not. I have several spare, and may buy another hose or two, slowly replacing all of the junk hoses with longer lasting, heavier duty, ones. As they wear out, anyway. Damned expensive, but if the quality proofs the price, there you go.
I also swept so that I can spray for bugs shortly. I let Sam run with me while I was putting the hoses out, then she came in, thinking she would be allowed to play the in-and-out game. Tricked her. I need her in, for at least three hours, after I spray. She neither knows, nor cares, she just wants to do what she wants to do, and being inside isn't it. Like a child, or woman, she holds her head high in ignorance. Oh? Yeah, sure, men do too, but as the apex predators... and son's of Adam, we are the end of the line. So... tuck your head in your lap and prepare for a ride! Anyway... after the rest I get posting this, I will spray, then shower. Good to shower after sweating, and spraying. Then a bit of down time as I figure out what next to do. The kitchen table, a bit more sorting as I can. Then sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping the kitchen and bathroom. After that I don't think there will be much else I can do.
Tomorrow I only plan on doing a few simple things. Clearing and cleaning my desktop, calking around the toilet, and resting. Perhaps sanding the workbench top, and putting up a few things for out there. Sunday, mostly, will be a day of rest. Then I will figure out where to go, and what to do, Sunday night and try to hit it Monday... or Tuesday. It has been a very good week. I am back on track for as long as it will last. I can not only see a future, I can plan it, then make some of those plans happen. And organize? Seriously? That has me... amazed. Magic. Later.
Ah, it seems one of the dreams has come back.
.
.
It wasn't a talky, a silent movie sort of thing, and short. It wasn't a happy one, mostly, either. While I was speaking with the woman, and she was talking as well, the words were not heard. I was listening to what she was really saying and how I was responding and what I was saying. Most communication is nonverbal. Sometimes I am very good at that, hearing that. None of what was being spoken was about what was really being said.
She wanted to know why I did not take her, bring her in, make her mine. I told her that her "read" was wrong. That I did not advance because I did not see intent, or interest, in her ways. She told me that I had misread. I told her that I believed her "read" more than I trust her words, that she is confused and did not understand her own truth. All this, of course, in body language, and about body language from the past. She was angry, with me, for this. I simply asked her to consider what I had just "said", to contemplate it. I knew she would not, she was sure she was right.
And, maybe she was. But I must act as I see fit in specific circumstances. Perhaps my take on what I am perceiving is wrong. That is possible. What is also possible is that she was not ready to be taken, owned. That she was too confused to have been... integrated into one with a man. Perhaps she was deceiving herself about her wants and interests.
Oh, it's about a real woman and a real event, series of events really. I just hadn't ever compiled everything. My dream did that for me. And, truth be told, I am still unsure, of anything. But I did what I did, perceived as I did, and what has and hasn't happened are the results of that. A fool, mistaken at times, but I have to go by what I see and understand. Life is pain (just the music). As, sometime, am I.
On to work. I'll do the hoses and such, then spray, then take a shower and figure anything else out. Later.
.
It wasn't a talky, a silent movie sort of thing, and short. It wasn't a happy one, mostly, either. While I was speaking with the woman, and she was talking as well, the words were not heard. I was listening to what she was really saying and how I was responding and what I was saying. Most communication is nonverbal. Sometimes I am very good at that, hearing that. None of what was being spoken was about what was really being said.
She wanted to know why I did not take her, bring her in, make her mine. I told her that her "read" was wrong. That I did not advance because I did not see intent, or interest, in her ways. She told me that I had misread. I told her that I believed her "read" more than I trust her words, that she is confused and did not understand her own truth. All this, of course, in body language, and about body language from the past. She was angry, with me, for this. I simply asked her to consider what I had just "said", to contemplate it. I knew she would not, she was sure she was right.
And, maybe she was. But I must act as I see fit in specific circumstances. Perhaps my take on what I am perceiving is wrong. That is possible. What is also possible is that she was not ready to be taken, owned. That she was too confused to have been... integrated into one with a man. Perhaps she was deceiving herself about her wants and interests.
Oh, it's about a real woman and a real event, series of events really. I just hadn't ever compiled everything. My dream did that for me. And, truth be told, I am still unsure, of anything. But I did what I did, perceived as I did, and what has and hasn't happened are the results of that. A fool, mistaken at times, but I have to go by what I see and understand. Life is pain (just the music). As, sometime, am I.
On to work. I'll do the hoses and such, then spray, then take a shower and figure anything else out. Later.
A very good sleep.
.
.
I can't believe how good life had become. I'm still lame, a goodly bit. It's not like I am back to windsprints and benching. But I am doing some of the little stuff of life. I am even able to begin organizing. I have almost never been able to do even what I am doing, on that accord. Something clicked, after decades of living in a dark age, and it... makes sense? Something like that. Yes, I have a long way to go. But when some doors open, if you can keep them open, life changes. That is one of those doors for me I do believe. I've been thinking about it seriously for a year or so, when something clicked regarding it some time back. It is as if my subconsciousness took that concept and worked it in the backfield while I was struggling with other things consciously. When ready, like a present, wrapped and causing curiosity, it was presented.
Sleep was fantastic. Being able to work on several fronts, do a bit of research, a bit of planning that seems possible, do work that goes with the planning and research, and still have time to play as well all adds up to just about everything life is about. Yeah, I'm still doing it at a snail's pace. But I am doing it. I went to bed, and woke, a bit later today. There is some variability in my pattern. Two steps up, two back, but it is staying night and day. I'll take that.
Dreams, again, last night. Not quite as many are remembered, but the few were much more powerful, even satisfying. Running down Lucifer, chasing him to his lair, denying him access. Dispelling false myth and lies, on the side. Things like that. Heavy, but things that wet my appetite. Things I feel I was born to do. The contemplative life has it's place, the active life has it's place. I, personally, think that choosing just one, or the other, alone, is a mistake. However, some are only fit for one or the other. If both are available, pursue each in it's time. You won't regret it. Even if you simply "think" for a living, grow a garden. That is active, and will reward you in many ways.
Yes, yes, I have things to do. Setting up the hoses and timer. I will adjust the sprinklers this evening. Then to set up the bug sprayer and begin that project. After that, more tinkering in the cave. After, of course, a bit of waking and another cup of coffee. It's a small but wonderful life, for now. Now, go! Make your own life wonderful... or just hang on until you can. Blessings.
.
I can't believe how good life had become. I'm still lame, a goodly bit. It's not like I am back to windsprints and benching. But I am doing some of the little stuff of life. I am even able to begin organizing. I have almost never been able to do even what I am doing, on that accord. Something clicked, after decades of living in a dark age, and it... makes sense? Something like that. Yes, I have a long way to go. But when some doors open, if you can keep them open, life changes. That is one of those doors for me I do believe. I've been thinking about it seriously for a year or so, when something clicked regarding it some time back. It is as if my subconsciousness took that concept and worked it in the backfield while I was struggling with other things consciously. When ready, like a present, wrapped and causing curiosity, it was presented.
Sleep was fantastic. Being able to work on several fronts, do a bit of research, a bit of planning that seems possible, do work that goes with the planning and research, and still have time to play as well all adds up to just about everything life is about. Yeah, I'm still doing it at a snail's pace. But I am doing it. I went to bed, and woke, a bit later today. There is some variability in my pattern. Two steps up, two back, but it is staying night and day. I'll take that.
Dreams, again, last night. Not quite as many are remembered, but the few were much more powerful, even satisfying. Running down Lucifer, chasing him to his lair, denying him access. Dispelling false myth and lies, on the side. Things like that. Heavy, but things that wet my appetite. Things I feel I was born to do. The contemplative life has it's place, the active life has it's place. I, personally, think that choosing just one, or the other, alone, is a mistake. However, some are only fit for one or the other. If both are available, pursue each in it's time. You won't regret it. Even if you simply "think" for a living, grow a garden. That is active, and will reward you in many ways.
Yes, yes, I have things to do. Setting up the hoses and timer. I will adjust the sprinklers this evening. Then to set up the bug sprayer and begin that project. After that, more tinkering in the cave. After, of course, a bit of waking and another cup of coffee. It's a small but wonderful life, for now. Now, go! Make your own life wonderful... or just hang on until you can. Blessings.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
A good day deserves a good night.
.
.
Yeah, sure, I can't always do what I want, when I want. Taking shots at things, backing off, going after something else, until I can't or fall. The rescheduling according to what is felt is needed more when I rise again. It's a bugs life, but it is the life I have. Today was a good day, as was yesterday. I won't say I am whipping things into shape. It's more a very gentle spanking. :) Hey, but it's what I have to give.
More of the same tomorrow, plus spraying for bugs and setting up the hoses, sprinklers, and timer to get the lawn watered, finally. Not green, not at all. Bleh. After that, if I have it to give, more work in the house. It isn't great but it is a vast improvement and I am not close to done. I will be backing off this weekend. I will need it. But I won't be completely quitting either. There are a few little things I am hoping to tend. Like my desk, here, and a few small areas. That and cleaning the bathroom floor and sealing the toilet properly. I have the silicone calk and calk gun. So it's just a matter of cleaning up the area, again, and laying the bead. Hey, it's the only lay I've had in nearly a decade, and the only one in my immediate future. :p
Good night.
.
Yeah, sure, I can't always do what I want, when I want. Taking shots at things, backing off, going after something else, until I can't or fall. The rescheduling according to what is felt is needed more when I rise again. It's a bugs life, but it is the life I have. Today was a good day, as was yesterday. I won't say I am whipping things into shape. It's more a very gentle spanking. :) Hey, but it's what I have to give.
More of the same tomorrow, plus spraying for bugs and setting up the hoses, sprinklers, and timer to get the lawn watered, finally. Not green, not at all. Bleh. After that, if I have it to give, more work in the house. It isn't great but it is a vast improvement and I am not close to done. I will be backing off this weekend. I will need it. But I won't be completely quitting either. There are a few little things I am hoping to tend. Like my desk, here, and a few small areas. That and cleaning the bathroom floor and sealing the toilet properly. I have the silicone calk and calk gun. So it's just a matter of cleaning up the area, again, and laying the bead. Hey, it's the only lay I've had in nearly a decade, and the only one in my immediate future. :p
Good night.
Moving along.
.
.
Cleaning and straightening isn't like any other chore. You are done when you are done, but there are levels completeness, and yet you are never done, ever. Often that disturbs me, when trying to complete such tasks. Not this time. I seem to be able to ignore that aspect and just do this, that, and the next thing. However, it does make it difficult to gauge, or express. It has gotten a bit too hot to work. I'll put the AC on, and game for a while, perhaps doing more this afternoon. I don't know.
Oh, there is much yet to do. And when I get to a certain point of completion, I am still hitting... confusion. How to more fully organize, where the last bits need to go or whether they should simply be tossed. I have some limits, and I tire of that sort of work. Instead of just hitting a road block, I have been simply hitting another area. I am not doing a lot of work, or fast, when I work. But I have been able to keep a somewhat steady pace. When I work. An hour or two at a time, a three or four times so far today.
I did find the inseticide! With that, and the sprayer, getting the outside treated, tomorrow, is on the list. And setting up the sprinklers. I may have to seed some areas. It's looking pretty rough out there. I will want to try to do those things early, before it gets too hot.
Things are starting to make sense. Slowly. It is wonderful, though, to walk into a room that is even a quarter better than before. And, as I clear and clean, I see more that needs to be done, sometimes doing it on the spot. I don't know what is pushing the train, it sure as hell isn't the caboose. My caboose prefers that latter part of the notion regarding motion... things at rest tend to want to stay at rest. And rest it does, and wants.
I am hoping to figure out how to get to town soon. Ketchup, bread of some sort, cream, and milk, at least. Oh, and the stuff at the hardware store. Just two stores this time. I have to keep it simple and that is already a bit complex. Luckily, the grocery store I know and the hardware store will probably stock those chemicals near one another. Early or late, just not at noon, it's simply too much for my preferences. And I do get grumpy. Hmm, but on the upside, a "free" meal. Treat for tat. Later.
.
Cleaning and straightening isn't like any other chore. You are done when you are done, but there are levels completeness, and yet you are never done, ever. Often that disturbs me, when trying to complete such tasks. Not this time. I seem to be able to ignore that aspect and just do this, that, and the next thing. However, it does make it difficult to gauge, or express. It has gotten a bit too hot to work. I'll put the AC on, and game for a while, perhaps doing more this afternoon. I don't know.
Oh, there is much yet to do. And when I get to a certain point of completion, I am still hitting... confusion. How to more fully organize, where the last bits need to go or whether they should simply be tossed. I have some limits, and I tire of that sort of work. Instead of just hitting a road block, I have been simply hitting another area. I am not doing a lot of work, or fast, when I work. But I have been able to keep a somewhat steady pace. When I work. An hour or two at a time, a three or four times so far today.
I did find the inseticide! With that, and the sprayer, getting the outside treated, tomorrow, is on the list. And setting up the sprinklers. I may have to seed some areas. It's looking pretty rough out there. I will want to try to do those things early, before it gets too hot.
Things are starting to make sense. Slowly. It is wonderful, though, to walk into a room that is even a quarter better than before. And, as I clear and clean, I see more that needs to be done, sometimes doing it on the spot. I don't know what is pushing the train, it sure as hell isn't the caboose. My caboose prefers that latter part of the notion regarding motion... things at rest tend to want to stay at rest. And rest it does, and wants.
I am hoping to figure out how to get to town soon. Ketchup, bread of some sort, cream, and milk, at least. Oh, and the stuff at the hardware store. Just two stores this time. I have to keep it simple and that is already a bit complex. Luckily, the grocery store I know and the hardware store will probably stock those chemicals near one another. Early or late, just not at noon, it's simply too much for my preferences. And I do get grumpy. Hmm, but on the upside, a "free" meal. Treat for tat. Later.
The smallest of things.
.
.
I had set out, today, with clearing and cleaning the kitchen. I figured there would be little parts of other areas that would get hit as I began collecting collections into some sort of order. The notion of organization that hit me seemed reasonable. But... I am me. I didn't think this would go well, or far. And? It has gone much more smoothly, deeply, and quickly than I could have imagined, would have dreamed.
I am not there yet. But I can see the table, a full half of the table top. And much of what is there will remain... a centerpiece mat, a napkin holder... two actually of which one will be filled and taken to the living room, enough space was cleared that my medicine bowl (with all pill form medicines) was able to be taken to the table where it belongs, etc. I do need to organize the table better, and do a bit more work. But it is possible. Probable.
I have been collecting tools, even sorting them into particular groupings by area or tool chest. I have been getting rid of mail that is very old, if unread, most of it. Even here, in the computer room, I have started some arranging. Things to be thrown away, things to go to the garage. While taking a break I see a tool, or as I find bits that are to go to the garage, I bring them in with the other items to go there. Other areas, than those, are being hit. Just because they are in the right place at the right time in between this and that.
A bit amazed. Pleased, but still not confident. There is much more to do. I don't know if this is a quirk or a flow. I'll know in a couple of days I suppose. It's too hot to do much outside, but in a few days to a week there may be rain on the way. Perhaps as soon as Saturday, if that is supposed to be very minor. Still, cooling things off just a bit wouldn't be all bad. Perhaps enough for a hike? If I was up to it? Don't know. But I would certainly like to get out, again, and soon. Hmm, probably not a hike, not this week. But maybe a chance to get to the store. Canned milk just isn't a great creamer. It is simply better than nothing, or reconstituted milk, if even that will do in a pinch.
I do need a longer break, so... gaming. And maybe more hamburgers. I don't have ketchup. Hamburgers without it are just a bit dry. Bleh. Maybe tuna "salad" on those buns. Still a bit dry but it might be better. Later.
.
I had set out, today, with clearing and cleaning the kitchen. I figured there would be little parts of other areas that would get hit as I began collecting collections into some sort of order. The notion of organization that hit me seemed reasonable. But... I am me. I didn't think this would go well, or far. And? It has gone much more smoothly, deeply, and quickly than I could have imagined, would have dreamed.
I am not there yet. But I can see the table, a full half of the table top. And much of what is there will remain... a centerpiece mat, a napkin holder... two actually of which one will be filled and taken to the living room, enough space was cleared that my medicine bowl (with all pill form medicines) was able to be taken to the table where it belongs, etc. I do need to organize the table better, and do a bit more work. But it is possible. Probable.
I have been collecting tools, even sorting them into particular groupings by area or tool chest. I have been getting rid of mail that is very old, if unread, most of it. Even here, in the computer room, I have started some arranging. Things to be thrown away, things to go to the garage. While taking a break I see a tool, or as I find bits that are to go to the garage, I bring them in with the other items to go there. Other areas, than those, are being hit. Just because they are in the right place at the right time in between this and that.
A bit amazed. Pleased, but still not confident. There is much more to do. I don't know if this is a quirk or a flow. I'll know in a couple of days I suppose. It's too hot to do much outside, but in a few days to a week there may be rain on the way. Perhaps as soon as Saturday, if that is supposed to be very minor. Still, cooling things off just a bit wouldn't be all bad. Perhaps enough for a hike? If I was up to it? Don't know. But I would certainly like to get out, again, and soon. Hmm, probably not a hike, not this week. But maybe a chance to get to the store. Canned milk just isn't a great creamer. It is simply better than nothing, or reconstituted milk, if even that will do in a pinch.
I do need a longer break, so... gaming. And maybe more hamburgers. I don't have ketchup. Hamburgers without it are just a bit dry. Bleh. Maybe tuna "salad" on those buns. Still a bit dry but it might be better. Later.
An early wake.
.
.
I had hoped to sleep until 5:00. I woke at 3:30, again. I stayed in bed until 4:30, just resting, trying to grasp sleep back. At that point I surrendered to the call to wake. All good though. Teeth brushed, a cup of coffee, and about to feed the girls. Never feed them when you first wake or they will try to wake you. Actually, they won't be fed for several more hours. I don't want them to equate my waking with their sleep. Some days I just do it automatically, without thinking.
Today? The kitchen. As much as I can do. Bits of organizing as I go. The trick to organization is two-fold. Likes or similars with likes or similars. Then keeping it that way and defining and redefining what is similar. Of course, along the way, one must design, purchase, create spaces and places for the various objects that belong together. It is no easy task. Memory is required to make those locations accessible. It isn't scent, mostly, that allows a squirrel to find it's hidden food, but memory, with olfactory as a function once memory has worked it's magic to within the range where smell can help. So it is with arranging a household for humans, if other cues might also be used, and scent being rarely a part of it. So, with this new concept in mind, as I prepare to clean and bring order to my life, I have some hope of arranging things a bit differently.
Oh, the notion of organizing? It just came to me. I am sure others have better ways, definitions, and methods. But I can't use what other people have. I am not in their shoes. I have to keep things very simple in my weak areas, and so I will. At least at first, and see where that gets me. If I get anywhere into this, then, perhaps, I can go on to perfect, or at least improve, on the notions.
.
I had hoped to sleep until 5:00. I woke at 3:30, again. I stayed in bed until 4:30, just resting, trying to grasp sleep back. At that point I surrendered to the call to wake. All good though. Teeth brushed, a cup of coffee, and about to feed the girls. Never feed them when you first wake or they will try to wake you. Actually, they won't be fed for several more hours. I don't want them to equate my waking with their sleep. Some days I just do it automatically, without thinking.
Today? The kitchen. As much as I can do. Bits of organizing as I go. The trick to organization is two-fold. Likes or similars with likes or similars. Then keeping it that way and defining and redefining what is similar. Of course, along the way, one must design, purchase, create spaces and places for the various objects that belong together. It is no easy task. Memory is required to make those locations accessible. It isn't scent, mostly, that allows a squirrel to find it's hidden food, but memory, with olfactory as a function once memory has worked it's magic to within the range where smell can help. So it is with arranging a household for humans, if other cues might also be used, and scent being rarely a part of it. So, with this new concept in mind, as I prepare to clean and bring order to my life, I have some hope of arranging things a bit differently.
Oh, the notion of organizing? It just came to me. I am sure others have better ways, definitions, and methods. But I can't use what other people have. I am not in their shoes. I have to keep things very simple in my weak areas, and so I will. At least at first, and see where that gets me. If I get anywhere into this, then, perhaps, I can go on to perfect, or at least improve, on the notions.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Odd schedule.
.
.
I am keeping to a day schedule, but a schizophrenic one, sort of. Some nights, like tonight, I am about crashing before getting to bed, and early. Other nights I can't sleep until nearly midnight. Regardless of those things, some mornings I wake at 3:00-4:00, and some mornings I can barely wake at 7:00. Screwy, but... it's within my hoped parameters, I suppose. Tonight, as I mentioned, is an early to bed night. I could have, and perhaps should have, been to bed earlier. Just couldn't wake enough to realize I was so tired, if you know what I mean.
Tomorrow? Hopefully the kitchen. I couldn't get to it today. The search, which is incomplete, absolutely exhausted me, for some reason. Dunno, but... the kitchen, tomorrow. I will tear into it pretty good before I begin searching for the bugacide again. After the kitchen, this room. I want it strip-cleaned. In part to make room for the living room furniture, for when I clean, vacuum, and steam vac that area. Which will stay bare so I can get my bedroom cleared, and cleaned. I can sleep in the spare bedroom until that is done. It's an incentive, it has no air conditioning. Fans can, to a degree, circulate cool air in. But not well. So I will be pushing for that. Then a week or two off.
I ought to check to see if the guys are still interested in making a trip up through Montana, Idaho, and Wyoming. It sure sounds fun to me. I've been hobbled up. But I am breaking free. They might hate me, but... I can be useful once in a while. And, I ain't too bad of company when I can be present. Good night.
.
I am keeping to a day schedule, but a schizophrenic one, sort of. Some nights, like tonight, I am about crashing before getting to bed, and early. Other nights I can't sleep until nearly midnight. Regardless of those things, some mornings I wake at 3:00-4:00, and some mornings I can barely wake at 7:00. Screwy, but... it's within my hoped parameters, I suppose. Tonight, as I mentioned, is an early to bed night. I could have, and perhaps should have, been to bed earlier. Just couldn't wake enough to realize I was so tired, if you know what I mean.
Tomorrow? Hopefully the kitchen. I couldn't get to it today. The search, which is incomplete, absolutely exhausted me, for some reason. Dunno, but... the kitchen, tomorrow. I will tear into it pretty good before I begin searching for the bugacide again. After the kitchen, this room. I want it strip-cleaned. In part to make room for the living room furniture, for when I clean, vacuum, and steam vac that area. Which will stay bare so I can get my bedroom cleared, and cleaned. I can sleep in the spare bedroom until that is done. It's an incentive, it has no air conditioning. Fans can, to a degree, circulate cool air in. But not well. So I will be pushing for that. Then a week or two off.
I ought to check to see if the guys are still interested in making a trip up through Montana, Idaho, and Wyoming. It sure sounds fun to me. I've been hobbled up. But I am breaking free. They might hate me, but... I can be useful once in a while. And, I ain't too bad of company when I can be present. Good night.
A bit slower?
.
.
Perhaps, but I keep stumbling on little things. I did finish the laundry. I tried to gather enough for another load but that didn't pan out. I needed a break and took one. One of the, I thought, little things, that I wanted to do, about which I wouldn't write, was finding the bug sprayer, and pesticide, then spraying around my home. It worked very well last time but it is about time to do it again. I was searching for packets of the stuff and the sprayer. I have looked in every place I could imagine and some that I could not imagine. Nope. Finally, in the last place I could even look, I did find the sprayer. Worn out though. I'll look for the gunk later. Although... I may have an idea where it just might be.
Not much else is going to happen today. I did pull the trash bin back from the curb, finally. I simply noticed it while I was searching the garage. Yeah, no sanding today. It's gotten too hot and I was too slow to do it when it was cooler. I turned the ac on for a bit, which helped a great deal. I may have to turn the AC on a couple of times during the day, and if I want to sleep at night. It has a timer on it, so I just run it for a few hours at a time. Just enough to knock the edge off the heat. Outside is absolutely brutal. If I were healthy, it's where I would love to be.
I may go ahead and fry some hamburgers though. I am hungry. A few days of food in a row and I almost get used to the stuff. A little mayo, grill the buns while I am at it, ketchup, mustard, or whatever I have that sounds tasty with it. I could see if the potatoes are still good, and if so, grill/bake a handful. Once cooked, they are great to eat as such, or slice and fry. Hmm... out of sour cream though. It's a must when I am eating potatoes. I really need to get to the store. Tomorrow? Doubtful. Friday would probably be my first chance, if then.
Off to cook, then game, a bit. Up just a few more hours and then I can sleep, I hope, early. Later.
.
Perhaps, but I keep stumbling on little things. I did finish the laundry. I tried to gather enough for another load but that didn't pan out. I needed a break and took one. One of the, I thought, little things, that I wanted to do, about which I wouldn't write, was finding the bug sprayer, and pesticide, then spraying around my home. It worked very well last time but it is about time to do it again. I was searching for packets of the stuff and the sprayer. I have looked in every place I could imagine and some that I could not imagine. Nope. Finally, in the last place I could even look, I did find the sprayer. Worn out though. I'll look for the gunk later. Although... I may have an idea where it just might be.
Not much else is going to happen today. I did pull the trash bin back from the curb, finally. I simply noticed it while I was searching the garage. Yeah, no sanding today. It's gotten too hot and I was too slow to do it when it was cooler. I turned the ac on for a bit, which helped a great deal. I may have to turn the AC on a couple of times during the day, and if I want to sleep at night. It has a timer on it, so I just run it for a few hours at a time. Just enough to knock the edge off the heat. Outside is absolutely brutal. If I were healthy, it's where I would love to be.
I may go ahead and fry some hamburgers though. I am hungry. A few days of food in a row and I almost get used to the stuff. A little mayo, grill the buns while I am at it, ketchup, mustard, or whatever I have that sounds tasty with it. I could see if the potatoes are still good, and if so, grill/bake a handful. Once cooked, they are great to eat as such, or slice and fry. Hmm... out of sour cream though. It's a must when I am eating potatoes. I really need to get to the store. Tomorrow? Doubtful. Friday would probably be my first chance, if then.
Off to cook, then game, a bit. Up just a few more hours and then I can sleep, I hope, early. Later.
Good morning.
.
.
I couldn't sleep until late last night, 23:30 or so. I set the alarm for 7:00, and pretty much made that. After brushing my teeth, I set the dryer to run for a bit, to finish or fluff the last load from yesterday and will get to that by 8:00, probably. It was still 80 in here which is why I was having trouble getting to sleep. At 23:30, it was still 80 in here? Crazy. The AC helped a bit, I'll have to pay attention a bit closer to the temp and run the AC to keep it a bit lower. Though, perhaps, some days, that might just be the way of it. More work planned today, but one thing already off the checklist. I went ahead and washed the counters last night. Actually all horizontal planes in the kitchen, minus the table were washed and well.
Today? Another load of laundry, after the one that is finishing, then the kitchen. The table and floors are really what needs to be hit. And, while doing those floors, some of which need mopped, I will hit the bathroom. I figured out the problem with the bathroom. I'm not the man-pig I had thought! I simply hadn't sealed around the toilet. You see, I had some confusion about that. I didn't realize, even when sealed, that there was spray from that. The leak is from underneath. I have been exceedingly careful, for the last six months, and it is still a mess around there. But, it isn't from me. While that is a relief, and does offer a solution, it is disappointing that I couldn't figured that out earlier. It is so slow, sort of, the way it happens, though, that unless you know, it is easy to not know... Live and learn. So, after cleaning the bathroom floor, I will be sealing the toilet. Then I will be sanding the workbench just a touch. I will hold off on more until I purchase the materials I want to use on the top. This will be my first wood treatment project, ever, I think.
.
I couldn't sleep until late last night, 23:30 or so. I set the alarm for 7:00, and pretty much made that. After brushing my teeth, I set the dryer to run for a bit, to finish or fluff the last load from yesterday and will get to that by 8:00, probably. It was still 80 in here which is why I was having trouble getting to sleep. At 23:30, it was still 80 in here? Crazy. The AC helped a bit, I'll have to pay attention a bit closer to the temp and run the AC to keep it a bit lower. Though, perhaps, some days, that might just be the way of it. More work planned today, but one thing already off the checklist. I went ahead and washed the counters last night. Actually all horizontal planes in the kitchen, minus the table were washed and well.
Today? Another load of laundry, after the one that is finishing, then the kitchen. The table and floors are really what needs to be hit. And, while doing those floors, some of which need mopped, I will hit the bathroom. I figured out the problem with the bathroom. I'm not the man-pig I had thought! I simply hadn't sealed around the toilet. You see, I had some confusion about that. I didn't realize, even when sealed, that there was spray from that. The leak is from underneath. I have been exceedingly careful, for the last six months, and it is still a mess around there. But, it isn't from me. While that is a relief, and does offer a solution, it is disappointing that I couldn't figured that out earlier. It is so slow, sort of, the way it happens, though, that unless you know, it is easy to not know... Live and learn. So, after cleaning the bathroom floor, I will be sealing the toilet. Then I will be sanding the workbench just a touch. I will hold off on more until I purchase the materials I want to use on the top. This will be my first wood treatment project, ever, I think.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Not fast, just some motion.
.
.
I've done the dishes, and a load of laundry is in the drier, another in the washing machine. And, as I have done bits of that, I have also done a few other things. Just a bit of spot cleaning. I am hoping to finish the laundry and then give the counters a real washing. The other day I just gave them a first dose of the medicine. I didn't have the energy or organization yet to clean them down to brass tacks. If I finish the laundry, and still have a bit of energy, I'll take a shower. I don't quite need one, I just want one. It can't be all work, or just for work.
The kitchen, as well as I can do it, is what will happen tomorrow. Table, floors, and a review of what needs to be tossed. I would like to get to the grocery store, but would have done that days ago if I could have gotten out. As I suggested, this week, probably later in the week, will be my first shot at venturing out. The grocery store, and the hardware store, plus a visit to the post office. I'll look at the weather reports. We did have a cool spell a few days ago, I think. I doubt if we will get another one soon. But perhaps I can try to focus on a day that is supposed to be cooler. It is heating up out there, but... that's good. Summer has it's uses.
I have been keeping up on the litter box, taking my medicine, and working to normalize a day schedule. I would like to add some things to my daily routine, like blood pressure and blood sugar checks, weight, and such. If I plan for every day and only hit three to four checks a week, I could be happy with that. The thing is, I need to keep the kitchen table open for that. At the very least create a cleared spot large enough to handle that effort and the logging of it. But, really, unless I keep the table clear, whole, that won't work. Blindly toss? Probably. Actually, I'm going to be hitting the rest of the cave with that in mind. Since I can't sort... toss. I don't like it, but... Oh, and I need to start getting the lawn watered. Which means dragging out the hoses, setting up the sprinklers, and setting the timer. Tonight, tomorrow, when I can. Later.
.
I've done the dishes, and a load of laundry is in the drier, another in the washing machine. And, as I have done bits of that, I have also done a few other things. Just a bit of spot cleaning. I am hoping to finish the laundry and then give the counters a real washing. The other day I just gave them a first dose of the medicine. I didn't have the energy or organization yet to clean them down to brass tacks. If I finish the laundry, and still have a bit of energy, I'll take a shower. I don't quite need one, I just want one. It can't be all work, or just for work.
The kitchen, as well as I can do it, is what will happen tomorrow. Table, floors, and a review of what needs to be tossed. I would like to get to the grocery store, but would have done that days ago if I could have gotten out. As I suggested, this week, probably later in the week, will be my first shot at venturing out. The grocery store, and the hardware store, plus a visit to the post office. I'll look at the weather reports. We did have a cool spell a few days ago, I think. I doubt if we will get another one soon. But perhaps I can try to focus on a day that is supposed to be cooler. It is heating up out there, but... that's good. Summer has it's uses.
I have been keeping up on the litter box, taking my medicine, and working to normalize a day schedule. I would like to add some things to my daily routine, like blood pressure and blood sugar checks, weight, and such. If I plan for every day and only hit three to four checks a week, I could be happy with that. The thing is, I need to keep the kitchen table open for that. At the very least create a cleared spot large enough to handle that effort and the logging of it. But, really, unless I keep the table clear, whole, that won't work. Blindly toss? Probably. Actually, I'm going to be hitting the rest of the cave with that in mind. Since I can't sort... toss. I don't like it, but... Oh, and I need to start getting the lawn watered. Which means dragging out the hoses, setting up the sprinklers, and setting the timer. Tonight, tomorrow, when I can. Later.
Must have needed sleep.
.
.
I ended up not actually going down until 19:00. Must have pushed it, and didn't get much sleep yesterday. Still, I didn't think I would need to set the alarm. I didn't wake until after 7:00. I did stir earlier, when it was still very dark, but I couldn't wake, neither body or mind. Probably my usual wake time, around 3:00 to 4:00, I would guess, but one of those two has to be functional to drag me awake. A very long sleep, but as I suggested, I probably needed it. Still on medicine like clockwork, which probably isn't quite helping, but verging on that. Another few days to a week and there is some hope I will be back in trim.
Today? Back to the plans. Dishes, which I will reset, a load of laundry in when I do that, a little breather, and then out to sanding and finishing up the work bench. Hmm, before I finish that, I may see if there is some treatment for the wood. Tung oil or linseed oil... still thinking. I know, I know, over-complicating things, perhaps. I'll be reading and deciding, and if I haven't chosen by the time I can get out, and into town, I'll just skip it. But I will sand the surface today. I read that mixing 2 oz. bees wax, a pint of linseed oil, than one pint of linseed oil, coating the top daily until the wood stops absorbing, and sort of like that notion. I've wanted to get boiled linseed oil anyway, to start working on various wood handled tools and some other things. Yeah, yeah... But...
First I have to wake. Medicine has been taken. Food? Not likely. Once a day, for now, until I get back on my feet a little better. When I am more active, food 'happen' more often, naturally. So I don't worry about it. I am quite used to being hungry. And, if I can get the dishes kicked out before too long, I will get a shower taken as well. Another cup of coffee would be great, and a little time to process. Well, right after resetting a hot rinse for the dishes and putting a load of laundry in. Good day.
.
I ended up not actually going down until 19:00. Must have pushed it, and didn't get much sleep yesterday. Still, I didn't think I would need to set the alarm. I didn't wake until after 7:00. I did stir earlier, when it was still very dark, but I couldn't wake, neither body or mind. Probably my usual wake time, around 3:00 to 4:00, I would guess, but one of those two has to be functional to drag me awake. A very long sleep, but as I suggested, I probably needed it. Still on medicine like clockwork, which probably isn't quite helping, but verging on that. Another few days to a week and there is some hope I will be back in trim.
Today? Back to the plans. Dishes, which I will reset, a load of laundry in when I do that, a little breather, and then out to sanding and finishing up the work bench. Hmm, before I finish that, I may see if there is some treatment for the wood. Tung oil or linseed oil... still thinking. I know, I know, over-complicating things, perhaps. I'll be reading and deciding, and if I haven't chosen by the time I can get out, and into town, I'll just skip it. But I will sand the surface today. I read that mixing 2 oz. bees wax, a pint of linseed oil, than one pint of linseed oil, coating the top daily until the wood stops absorbing, and sort of like that notion. I've wanted to get boiled linseed oil anyway, to start working on various wood handled tools and some other things. Yeah, yeah... But...
First I have to wake. Medicine has been taken. Food? Not likely. Once a day, for now, until I get back on my feet a little better. When I am more active, food 'happen' more often, naturally. So I don't worry about it. I am quite used to being hungry. And, if I can get the dishes kicked out before too long, I will get a shower taken as well. Another cup of coffee would be great, and a little time to process. Well, right after resetting a hot rinse for the dishes and putting a load of laundry in. Good day.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Do you ever wonder?
.
.
I dream of things dark. I know what beats in me is beastly, to some who do not understand. Unleashed it could eat the world. True, but it is not by my will, but by His. I have some belief that it is immortal in a unique way. I even have some notion that this is not it's first, or probably last, time here. Divergence, sure. Just notions, though not beyond the pale. Not even theologically.
.
I dream of things dark. I know what beats in me is beastly, to some who do not understand. Unleashed it could eat the world. True, but it is not by my will, but by His. I have some belief that it is immortal in a unique way. I even have some notion that this is not it's first, or probably last, time here. Divergence, sure. Just notions, though not beyond the pale. Not even theologically.
Not much, a bit though.
.
.
I doubt if laundry can go forward. Going out isn't possible. I did get the trash together, and out. Cleaning the cat litter while I was at it. It wasn't completely foul, as I had worried. Bad enough though. Some dumping, some additive, some clearing, and that mess is back in order. I may set the dishes to another hot soak, and try to get to those before I crash. Even that is a bit iffy. When I am feeble, I am feeble. Unless you hit me upside the head with a brick or shoot at me. That's what it takes for some to get their boogie on. Not even sure, in absolute terms, if that choreography is even worth a damn anymore. Certainly not by professional standards.
Oh, I also reset my medicine sets. I have been taking medicine precisely for the last three days. As I suspected, it is both helping and hurting. Feeling better, but it is as if my butt turned to lead. Or... more leaden. :) Race you! To a chair. I'll win that one. Only one chair? I'll floor you. I've also done just a bit of minor tinkering. It doesn't seem like much, but it is a stirring. After weeks of doldrums, even the whisper of some wind is a... bolster to faith that there might be more.
I have been tinkering with my katana, in my down time. No, not really swings or slicing. If you understand one weapon, in essence, you understand them all. A weapon is everything and anything you can control... if some are better than others. A weapon is an object, in one sense, not associated with your biological form. Hands can be weapons, and the primary weapon is the mind, will. But that is esoteric. Quite true, quite visceral, very real, most don't understand such a notion. So I will stick with weapons being foreign objects. The way a firearm is similar to a sword, bow, lance, battle axe, or any other weapon, is that, in all cases, you manipulate the physical, external to your body, in order to strike a target. With the gun, you aim in order to land the bullet to within the tightest tolerances of your skill, the firearm, and the ammunition. With a sword, to begin, you want to control the point of the blade. And, so, I have been practicing getting the tip to touch very small dots.
Oh, I will never truly master a sword. I am decent, with my European hand and a half. But the katana is far too long to be practical. It is more of an art than a weapon. If it might have applications. If I wished to have practical blades, I would choose the ko-katana, and might. I can handle two of those at once. And they are truly far more... precise and sure. Still, it was something to do when the show was being overly melodramatic. The dang thing is sharp though. Learn to respect your tools and they will respect you. Or, really, you will respect yourself by respecting honorably your tools. Depends on if you wish to consider it artistically or practically. I was in a daze, most of the last few weeks, so... But respect rightly and no worries.
Yes, I will rest the dishes to a fresh rinse, goof a bit, do those, then maybe cook a bit or just sleep. I want to push to 17:00, but no more. Yesterday was an aberration caused by frustration in that I had places to go and things to do and did little. The engine was running but the drive could not engage. Even today it is similar. But I do need my sleep as I try to dig out. Later.
.
I doubt if laundry can go forward. Going out isn't possible. I did get the trash together, and out. Cleaning the cat litter while I was at it. It wasn't completely foul, as I had worried. Bad enough though. Some dumping, some additive, some clearing, and that mess is back in order. I may set the dishes to another hot soak, and try to get to those before I crash. Even that is a bit iffy. When I am feeble, I am feeble. Unless you hit me upside the head with a brick or shoot at me. That's what it takes for some to get their boogie on. Not even sure, in absolute terms, if that choreography is even worth a damn anymore. Certainly not by professional standards.
Oh, I also reset my medicine sets. I have been taking medicine precisely for the last three days. As I suspected, it is both helping and hurting. Feeling better, but it is as if my butt turned to lead. Or... more leaden. :) Race you! To a chair. I'll win that one. Only one chair? I'll floor you. I've also done just a bit of minor tinkering. It doesn't seem like much, but it is a stirring. After weeks of doldrums, even the whisper of some wind is a... bolster to faith that there might be more.
I have been tinkering with my katana, in my down time. No, not really swings or slicing. If you understand one weapon, in essence, you understand them all. A weapon is everything and anything you can control... if some are better than others. A weapon is an object, in one sense, not associated with your biological form. Hands can be weapons, and the primary weapon is the mind, will. But that is esoteric. Quite true, quite visceral, very real, most don't understand such a notion. So I will stick with weapons being foreign objects. The way a firearm is similar to a sword, bow, lance, battle axe, or any other weapon, is that, in all cases, you manipulate the physical, external to your body, in order to strike a target. With the gun, you aim in order to land the bullet to within the tightest tolerances of your skill, the firearm, and the ammunition. With a sword, to begin, you want to control the point of the blade. And, so, I have been practicing getting the tip to touch very small dots.
Oh, I will never truly master a sword. I am decent, with my European hand and a half. But the katana is far too long to be practical. It is more of an art than a weapon. If it might have applications. If I wished to have practical blades, I would choose the ko-katana, and might. I can handle two of those at once. And they are truly far more... precise and sure. Still, it was something to do when the show was being overly melodramatic. The dang thing is sharp though. Learn to respect your tools and they will respect you. Or, really, you will respect yourself by respecting honorably your tools. Depends on if you wish to consider it artistically or practically. I was in a daze, most of the last few weeks, so... But respect rightly and no worries.
Yes, I will rest the dishes to a fresh rinse, goof a bit, do those, then maybe cook a bit or just sleep. I want to push to 17:00, but no more. Yesterday was an aberration caused by frustration in that I had places to go and things to do and did little. The engine was running but the drive could not engage. Even today it is similar. But I do need my sleep as I try to dig out. Later.
When asleep and when awake.
.
.
I didn't go down until 23:30 or so. I suspected I would need a full eight hours of sleep, so gave myself nine hours, by the alarm. Hey, an alarm clock is the outfielder counting on my hate of outfielders and batters, as a pitcher, to induce me to clear the innings without a hit. I don't even like baseball. :) Shut up. Yeah, feeling a bit of wit and cock this morning. Rooster must crow! Never the whit. Thing is, I woke a bit before 3:30. *pop* Rather awake and alert, as the assist might suggest. Now, I thought it was 4:30, so I went along with it. Didn't realize the time until I was into full swing, and checked the clock then. No problems, looks to be a good day.
I dreamed last night. Several dreams. One was of corn. They had produced two nearly magical types of the stuff. One could be consumed, and nourish or burn, but remain inviolate. After the process, whatever process, the corn could be harvested fully from what should have been the leavings. Not that, in all cases, even in the dream, would I have recommended that. The other corn was consumed, but not. I don't remember the mechanics of how that worked, perhaps a form of regeneration. In any case, it was I was who tasked with deciding which to use. But there was one company that wanted to obtain all rights to the corn that remained inviolate, and never use it, just keep it as a bargaining chip... like gold. They would not feed the world, create fuel, only manipulate the markets with it. They were brilliant, and evil. I chose to stick with regular corn. No, I am not against gmo's. But these were purely unnatural.
There was another dream, in which God was speaking with me. He offered to allow me to choose the fate of mankind, in various ways. I can't remember all of it, the details of the control. It was sort of a pop quiz on what I thought men should, and should not, be. I erred on the side of letting each man decide what was right and wrong, to seek out his conscience, truth, and God, as he so desired. I don't like how men are. I don't like what we do. I simply do not believe I, or any system at this point but the one God set in motion, should have, or can have, any good results through control, or reality changes, or limits. Agonizingly frustrating, slow, meandering, and hard is the way. But it is the only way to find the gifts God has set for us. And then accept or reject those gifts. Childish, brooding, obstinate, willful, and many other things, but God went through this before us and waits on the other side for those who decide to try maturity. He carries us when we fail, if we simply do not give up. Not a change, not a smidgen, did I request. Only that, in our foolishness, He continue to abide us. Me as much, or more at times, than any other.
I didn't write them, I just had them. Oh, and God said to say hello. :) I must admit, that was one of the most powerful dreams I have ever had. Even while dreaming it I felt... as if in an alternate reality, beyond that of dreamscapes. Time and space seemed to warp, even in the dream. Imagine if a mountain should speak to you using thunder as a voice, while you are deep in space, under water, with massive weightlessness. I don't really know how else to try to explain it. Oh, not that literal, just... on the fringes, I knew the dream was that different. It put me to ease while terrifying me, somehow.
I washed the dishes I had set to soak, then set them to a rinse. I am hoping to put a load of laundry in this morning. Oh, and I didn't get the trash out, so I need to do that in a few hours. I probably can't do two things back to back, so I will finish with the trash, including changing the cat litter, in a few hours. Rest a bit, then start in on laundry. While I was at dishes, I cleaned out the microwave and hit the counters and cooktop. It's just a start on the counters and cooktop, but a decent one, for the day and into recovery.
While I missed three events yesterday, there is another today. It is considered quite important, in my book, as well. I do not know if I can make it, however. It has been so long since I have been out, and on my feet for very long. A man lost his young adult son. A thing that should not happen. His only son. Swimming, pushing his limits, and he drowned. He was with others but they did not see him go down. I would trade my life, but that is not how God set things to happen. I do harbor some jealousy. To know one life and one death? But I can only guess at the pain of the family. I have lost brothers, a woman and child. But not a son I had grown to know, raise. And I can deny, usually do. Just working on the fumes. They are immersed in it. I just don't know if I can make it. I honestly can barely walk. We'll see.
Well, on to another day in the sandbox. Off to a good start, but already with more to do than I think I can do. Some heavies, some light, some work done and remaining. I'll give it a shot. Later.
.
I didn't go down until 23:30 or so. I suspected I would need a full eight hours of sleep, so gave myself nine hours, by the alarm. Hey, an alarm clock is the outfielder counting on my hate of outfielders and batters, as a pitcher, to induce me to clear the innings without a hit. I don't even like baseball. :) Shut up. Yeah, feeling a bit of wit and cock this morning. Rooster must crow! Never the whit. Thing is, I woke a bit before 3:30. *pop* Rather awake and alert, as the assist might suggest. Now, I thought it was 4:30, so I went along with it. Didn't realize the time until I was into full swing, and checked the clock then. No problems, looks to be a good day.
I dreamed last night. Several dreams. One was of corn. They had produced two nearly magical types of the stuff. One could be consumed, and nourish or burn, but remain inviolate. After the process, whatever process, the corn could be harvested fully from what should have been the leavings. Not that, in all cases, even in the dream, would I have recommended that. The other corn was consumed, but not. I don't remember the mechanics of how that worked, perhaps a form of regeneration. In any case, it was I was who tasked with deciding which to use. But there was one company that wanted to obtain all rights to the corn that remained inviolate, and never use it, just keep it as a bargaining chip... like gold. They would not feed the world, create fuel, only manipulate the markets with it. They were brilliant, and evil. I chose to stick with regular corn. No, I am not against gmo's. But these were purely unnatural.
There was another dream, in which God was speaking with me. He offered to allow me to choose the fate of mankind, in various ways. I can't remember all of it, the details of the control. It was sort of a pop quiz on what I thought men should, and should not, be. I erred on the side of letting each man decide what was right and wrong, to seek out his conscience, truth, and God, as he so desired. I don't like how men are. I don't like what we do. I simply do not believe I, or any system at this point but the one God set in motion, should have, or can have, any good results through control, or reality changes, or limits. Agonizingly frustrating, slow, meandering, and hard is the way. But it is the only way to find the gifts God has set for us. And then accept or reject those gifts. Childish, brooding, obstinate, willful, and many other things, but God went through this before us and waits on the other side for those who decide to try maturity. He carries us when we fail, if we simply do not give up. Not a change, not a smidgen, did I request. Only that, in our foolishness, He continue to abide us. Me as much, or more at times, than any other.
I didn't write them, I just had them. Oh, and God said to say hello. :) I must admit, that was one of the most powerful dreams I have ever had. Even while dreaming it I felt... as if in an alternate reality, beyond that of dreamscapes. Time and space seemed to warp, even in the dream. Imagine if a mountain should speak to you using thunder as a voice, while you are deep in space, under water, with massive weightlessness. I don't really know how else to try to explain it. Oh, not that literal, just... on the fringes, I knew the dream was that different. It put me to ease while terrifying me, somehow.
I washed the dishes I had set to soak, then set them to a rinse. I am hoping to put a load of laundry in this morning. Oh, and I didn't get the trash out, so I need to do that in a few hours. I probably can't do two things back to back, so I will finish with the trash, including changing the cat litter, in a few hours. Rest a bit, then start in on laundry. While I was at dishes, I cleaned out the microwave and hit the counters and cooktop. It's just a start on the counters and cooktop, but a decent one, for the day and into recovery.
While I missed three events yesterday, there is another today. It is considered quite important, in my book, as well. I do not know if I can make it, however. It has been so long since I have been out, and on my feet for very long. A man lost his young adult son. A thing that should not happen. His only son. Swimming, pushing his limits, and he drowned. He was with others but they did not see him go down. I would trade my life, but that is not how God set things to happen. I do harbor some jealousy. To know one life and one death? But I can only guess at the pain of the family. I have lost brothers, a woman and child. But not a son I had grown to know, raise. And I can deny, usually do. Just working on the fumes. They are immersed in it. I just don't know if I can make it. I honestly can barely walk. We'll see.
Well, on to another day in the sandbox. Off to a good start, but already with more to do than I think I can do. Some heavies, some light, some work done and remaining. I'll give it a shot. Later.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Okay, more forward than static.
.
.
Not backward either. Three social events today, however, were missed. One I knew about, two I didn't. On most days this summer, I would have been able to make at least one, perhaps two. Today isn't most days. I am doing better, but recovery is painfully slow. After the dishes and shower, I set another load of dishes to go. There isn't much, but... I was feeling perky. Perky? No! How about... able? Yes, that would be it. Within some restraints. I also bagged up trash, and will be getting that out today. Trash day, I think. And, I might try to do a load of laundry.
The events are ones I would dearly have wished to attend. People I know and care about were involved, as the main people. I simply could not get function, or even track time. And I worry about some things. A shower can clean the body, but... I worry if I smell from the cave being let go for so long. Which is why tending the cave is the highest priority. But that wasn't all of it, just a side worry. I honestly couldn't make heads or tails of life enough to figure out how to do what would be required. If I handed most of you a calculus problem, you would feel the same sort of confusion. One thing at a time, slowly, and then maybe another thing.
Laundry would help. And taking out the trash will help. Redoing the cat litter will help. And then opening up the house in the cool parts of the day will help. Showering more often will help. I was walking the walk of life at a gingerly pace there for a bit. I am back to crawling. I do hope I can rise, again, even yet this summer. No promises. Just a hope. But it is one thing at a time, and great focus, at times, to even do that. I am back on my medicine. Well on it. I don't know, for sure, if I need adjustment time or not.
I need to figure out how to get to the store before long. Hopefully this week. No promises. Getting out is a whole level or three above my ability. At the pace I am improving, however, I should be up and back to some normalcy in a week or two. It's just the way it goes.
I have started playing The Last of Us. It is something new to do. At first I really didn't like the game. Then I realized it wasn't the game. I had sought advice before playing, foolishly. While the advice might be good for some aspects, or difficulty levels, of the game, it didn't turn out to be very good in a general way. Well, and learning the controls, when I am down, is... painfully slow. Toss in a dose of cynicism and... there you go. After a bit of trial and error, I have found myself rather enjoying the game. Oddly, I don't... empathize with the lead much. Fact is, it's because we are a bit too close in real terms. Who wants to be a putz that just happens to be barely quicker than the next threat, vulnerable emotionally and physically, and with a learning curve that is a bit difficult? Oh, and in his forties. Never mind. The game might help me... tick my life back up a bit.
Well... I best either put a load of laundry in now, or forget about it? I hate to say it, but I think I will leave that off until tomorrow. I will try to remember to get the trash out. But I am waking early enough that if I can't do it now, I can do it before the truck arrives. Later. And... have a good day, if you can.
.
Not backward either. Three social events today, however, were missed. One I knew about, two I didn't. On most days this summer, I would have been able to make at least one, perhaps two. Today isn't most days. I am doing better, but recovery is painfully slow. After the dishes and shower, I set another load of dishes to go. There isn't much, but... I was feeling perky. Perky? No! How about... able? Yes, that would be it. Within some restraints. I also bagged up trash, and will be getting that out today. Trash day, I think. And, I might try to do a load of laundry.
The events are ones I would dearly have wished to attend. People I know and care about were involved, as the main people. I simply could not get function, or even track time. And I worry about some things. A shower can clean the body, but... I worry if I smell from the cave being let go for so long. Which is why tending the cave is the highest priority. But that wasn't all of it, just a side worry. I honestly couldn't make heads or tails of life enough to figure out how to do what would be required. If I handed most of you a calculus problem, you would feel the same sort of confusion. One thing at a time, slowly, and then maybe another thing.
Laundry would help. And taking out the trash will help. Redoing the cat litter will help. And then opening up the house in the cool parts of the day will help. Showering more often will help. I was walking the walk of life at a gingerly pace there for a bit. I am back to crawling. I do hope I can rise, again, even yet this summer. No promises. Just a hope. But it is one thing at a time, and great focus, at times, to even do that. I am back on my medicine. Well on it. I don't know, for sure, if I need adjustment time or not.
I need to figure out how to get to the store before long. Hopefully this week. No promises. Getting out is a whole level or three above my ability. At the pace I am improving, however, I should be up and back to some normalcy in a week or two. It's just the way it goes.
I have started playing The Last of Us. It is something new to do. At first I really didn't like the game. Then I realized it wasn't the game. I had sought advice before playing, foolishly. While the advice might be good for some aspects, or difficulty levels, of the game, it didn't turn out to be very good in a general way. Well, and learning the controls, when I am down, is... painfully slow. Toss in a dose of cynicism and... there you go. After a bit of trial and error, I have found myself rather enjoying the game. Oddly, I don't... empathize with the lead much. Fact is, it's because we are a bit too close in real terms. Who wants to be a putz that just happens to be barely quicker than the next threat, vulnerable emotionally and physically, and with a learning curve that is a bit difficult? Oh, and in his forties. Never mind. The game might help me... tick my life back up a bit.
Well... I best either put a load of laundry in now, or forget about it? I hate to say it, but I think I will leave that off until tomorrow. I will try to remember to get the trash out. But I am waking early enough that if I can't do it now, I can do it before the truck arrives. Later. And... have a good day, if you can.
On to waking and planning!
.
.
Yes, dishes, then a shower. I just hated not being able to plan. But I knew that planning led to having too much on my plate and I would freeze. Or... that's what I am suggesting. So, rather than spending time waking, I got right to it. Now I can plan.
Setting up the hoses to water the garden, and setting the timer for 21:00 or so, is a major goal. The next thing I hope to do is to sand the top of the workbench and install several more brackets into the pegboard. If I have anything left after that I will bolt the vice and grinder down to the top, and a few other things. Yes, I know. Long time in the process but I can't worry about that. If I let some things get to my head, heart, I would never get to anything. It might seem that way, but that isn't the truth. At a snails pace, but I have moved mountains, with the givens and give or take, in the last decade. My mountain may be your molehill, to each their own. Further, I wouldn't recommend walking in my shoes. You wouldn't survive. Not all of the mountain I have moved is strictly visible. So... what's your problem. *grin*
Smarmy? More like cocky. Taking the shower and doing the dishes tickled my fancy. Such little things, but impossible things until today, and for a while. I was amazed though. It's been a... while since I could shower. And yet... I was clean. My hair was a little rough, but my body? It was as if I had showered yesterday. Trust me, my nose and senses work fine. I thought I would be extremely gnarly, like a week in the bush. A blessing, of sorts.
Well, on to waking. Then getting those plans underway. It's been a while since I ate. I have food coming in today, but if I get things done by noon, I may sneak into town for lunch and just a smidgen of shopping. Cream and milk are sorely missed. Canned milk and dehydrated milk just don't cut the mustard, they simply... suffice, mostly. Later.
.
Yes, dishes, then a shower. I just hated not being able to plan. But I knew that planning led to having too much on my plate and I would freeze. Or... that's what I am suggesting. So, rather than spending time waking, I got right to it. Now I can plan.
Setting up the hoses to water the garden, and setting the timer for 21:00 or so, is a major goal. The next thing I hope to do is to sand the top of the workbench and install several more brackets into the pegboard. If I have anything left after that I will bolt the vice and grinder down to the top, and a few other things. Yes, I know. Long time in the process but I can't worry about that. If I let some things get to my head, heart, I would never get to anything. It might seem that way, but that isn't the truth. At a snails pace, but I have moved mountains, with the givens and give or take, in the last decade. My mountain may be your molehill, to each their own. Further, I wouldn't recommend walking in my shoes. You wouldn't survive. Not all of the mountain I have moved is strictly visible. So... what's your problem. *grin*
Smarmy? More like cocky. Taking the shower and doing the dishes tickled my fancy. Such little things, but impossible things until today, and for a while. I was amazed though. It's been a... while since I could shower. And yet... I was clean. My hair was a little rough, but my body? It was as if I had showered yesterday. Trust me, my nose and senses work fine. I thought I would be extremely gnarly, like a week in the bush. A blessing, of sorts.
Well, on to waking. Then getting those plans underway. It's been a while since I ate. I have food coming in today, but if I get things done by noon, I may sneak into town for lunch and just a smidgen of shopping. Cream and milk are sorely missed. Canned milk and dehydrated milk just don't cut the mustard, they simply... suffice, mostly. Later.
Still better, but just.
.
.
I am feeling better, just not doing better. My plans simply didn't work out yesterday. I have reset the dishes for a fresh rinse and... hold the plans over. There is too much to do. I have almost nothing to give. My day is back in day, mostly, but without effort, it just rolled around on it's own. I will try to keep it there. I went to bed at about 17:00, set the alarm for 2:00, but didn't wake until almost 4:00. I heard the alarm but could do little more than shut it off. I'll keep working on that.
I look around the world, at the faithful, at myself. It would be easy to fall to sorrow. I simply refuse. Even if I can't reach out to it, I keep looking for a handhold, a way out. If I or the world slips, I just look to the next viable path. It is fallen, and deeply. As am I. Truth is, we will never dig ourselves out. We can be in a better or worse position, however, and that is my goal and I extend it to the world with what little I have to give on any front. We won't get there by feeling good, or bad, or anything. We either get to a better position through effort or we fall to a worse position through doubt. I choose to ignore feelings when work is possible, dealing with emotions when I can't work, or try to work. I am in the "trying" mode, hoping to break through to actual work. No time for feelings right now.
I need to wake first. An hour or two then, hopefully, hit the dishes and take a shower. I won't put anything else up, so as not to become overwhelmed, until those things are done. Later.
.
I am feeling better, just not doing better. My plans simply didn't work out yesterday. I have reset the dishes for a fresh rinse and... hold the plans over. There is too much to do. I have almost nothing to give. My day is back in day, mostly, but without effort, it just rolled around on it's own. I will try to keep it there. I went to bed at about 17:00, set the alarm for 2:00, but didn't wake until almost 4:00. I heard the alarm but could do little more than shut it off. I'll keep working on that.
I look around the world, at the faithful, at myself. It would be easy to fall to sorrow. I simply refuse. Even if I can't reach out to it, I keep looking for a handhold, a way out. If I or the world slips, I just look to the next viable path. It is fallen, and deeply. As am I. Truth is, we will never dig ourselves out. We can be in a better or worse position, however, and that is my goal and I extend it to the world with what little I have to give on any front. We won't get there by feeling good, or bad, or anything. We either get to a better position through effort or we fall to a worse position through doubt. I choose to ignore feelings when work is possible, dealing with emotions when I can't work, or try to work. I am in the "trying" mode, hoping to break through to actual work. No time for feelings right now.
I need to wake first. An hour or two then, hopefully, hit the dishes and take a shower. I won't put anything else up, so as not to become overwhelmed, until those things are done. Later.
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