Quite the dream.

.

.

Before I start, I should... explain?  Add a prelude?  While it was quite the dream, it wasn't as it might seem.  It was... biomechanical, rather than erotic.  Not that I am immune to the senses, merely that this time, that wasn't what the dream was about, for me.

While I was with a woman.  And we were engaged in sex.  It was more as if tracking the various senations.  More of an engineering or acual detached scientific exploration.  Feeling her hair in my hands, her hip, or thigh, or of course sex itself. 

I could only sense just so much.  So while holding a butt cheek, I might not simultaneously feel her breast on my chest, or her lips kissing mine.  Sensory limits.

While exploring tthe various sensations, I was changing size.  From the size I was my first time, at four and a half years old, until the last time I was with a woman.  Checking variations of input allowances and sensitivity capacities, at my various sizes.

Then, I was able to sense the female sides of the equations.

In time, I completely biologically mapped out the two bodies, variations, limits to sensitivities and number of inputs at once.  Not... erotic.  But not inhuman, either.  Beautiful.  Like painting roses.  Or painted roses.  No texture, or scent, but the essence.

Imagine mapping sex, fully, for yourself and a right lover.  It will exist at least as long as I live.  One of my finest dreams, certainly of this sort.  The biological components of erotic, and relationship right love, painted into my mind and on my body?  Or... something wonderful like that.

Had it last night.  Just finally... decided to share it.

Annoyingly annoyed?

.

.

I am having trouble sleeping tonight.  A few hours here, then there.  Waking feeling tired, weary, even sleepy.  Just not enough of any of those to get back to sleep.  I am sore, my heart is, from needing sleep, wanting it, and pushing and pulling so hard and long.

When I wake, I... try to find... peace of mind, calm, attempt to create a restful state of being.  My eyes tear up from want of rest.  Not pain, more an ache for sleep, even for rest.  Oh well.

As well, dreaming.  Stupid girl dreams.  I suposse what teen women dream of, well... barring that.  Everything but that.  Shopping, conversations, learning to understand the parts of life which are usually left to them... or were when the world knew and accepted the differences.  Things, quite frankly, I have little interest in.  Domestic details, social norms, expectations, social climbing, and such.  As if in a young lady's boarding and etiquette school.

Three, four, and that after the blanket party one.  Which, too, was for training, and pecking order lessons, among other things.  I had never really considered that side of things.  Would rather not now.  No choicee, dreams are what they are.  We are sometimes simply subject to them.  Though... it... is interesting, to some degree.  Like being a fly on the wall, only with actual inputs, in circles I could never have been.  And, honestly, seems legit, not male centric.  Bleh...  Or, bleh, sometimes.  Very strange.

Something about an upcoming sweet sixteen, a few years off?  Do they still do those, or more only debutantes?  I almost wonder if I was receiving, as a psychic might.  But why would they pick on me?  *chuckles*

Anyway.  I'll try to get back to sleep.  Not much I can do about dreams.  Good night, again.

Very peculiar.

.

.

For some reason, I am feeling very good.  Too good to sleep.  So I have remained awake.  Videos from the past are flooding my feeds.  Some from this way, others from that.  And... very oddly, new ones that I have been enjoying.  May share some of each, later, tomorrow, or... not.

I had fallen behind on the litter boxes.  got those sorted in time for trash takeout.  If... I forgot to refill them.  Sassy just went right in the boxes, empty as they were.  Had to chuckle.  Then got fresh in, cleared out the bad, and it's all good again.  It happens, once every few months, I just... lost focus, forget, and the stuff goes too bad to refresh and I have to start over.  Otherwise I clear things twice a day, and refresh once ever few weeks to once a month (since there are two and I keep them very clean).  Not sure if that is good enough, but it's what I can do.  And... she seems okay with it?

A few twists.

.

.

Been up since 20:30?  Or so.  Fed Sassy, changed her water.  Will get her litter changed out next, and get trash and recycling out.

A bit rough, for various reasons.  But it's not terrible.  Just... sleepy, achy, slightly grumpy?  Not in the angry grumpy, in the sore and weak sort of grumpy.

Very good.

.

.

I was wrong, in my assumption.  The bone-in roast took less time to cook.  Odd, in the oven, if memory serves, it works just the opposite?  Or... did I just make a mistake in comparing via memory?  Who knows.  Then again, maybe I just lost track of time tonight?

It isn't mush, still pretty good.  But definitely done.  So I added everything back into the pool, and will eat in a half hour.  Well, the twenty minutes left of an half hour warming.  Uhm, hungry.  Quite looking forward to  a nice slab of pork roast, a potato or both, some rutabaga, carrots, and onion.  Well, and some of the juice.  I should make gravy but... I won't.  Or... maybe?  Do I have a small saucepan?  I do... a bit of cream, thickener, and butter would get that done well, quickly.  Maybe?  No... I'll do it for my next meal, though.  Just... a bit tired, from this long cook, and else, through the night.  Bleh.  Next time.  I'll even add sweet peas.  Yes I will, to the gravy.

Chislic?

.

.

Had to look that up.  Oh, yes, sounds very good.  I made a beef form of it, with the leftovers of my last steak.  My problem?  I chopped the dices too small.  So, they were a bit overdone.  Not horrible, but... just... not as good as it could have been.  Like?  Yes, yes I like.  Lamb, beef, pork... deep fried, or solidly seared, cubes, I'd say closer to half to full inch squares, or half by inch bits, I'll... be working on sizing, and how to fry it better.

I am burned out on steak, as whole cuts.  But could still eat it this way.  Lamb would be fine, too.  If that is pretty pricey.  Pork as well.  With beans?  In a soup?  With lettuce in keto tortillas?  Lots of ways you could do that.  A simple salad, with these added as the crunchy salty bits.  Oh, yes, I think so.  Sort of... excited.

Ugh.

.

.

Things needed done.  And were.  Took everything I had to get them done though.

I finished the 24 hour urine test... for heavy metals.  As well, at the last, there was enough extra to do the standard ui.  But... I had to get up, through the night, and go downstairs to pee... they want most of it through that time.  And, since I pee a lot at night (sometimes), that's... when I had to do it.

Have to laugh.

.

.

Ever watched a woman suggest she is single, and happy, as she hits a certain age?  Oh, she can say whatever she wants.  But, even as a guy, that's not a happy place to be.  I will say I am where I am because Most women I have met have been subpar.  Don't try to spin that, suggesting I am not all that.  That... doesn't matter, from my perspective.  Further, I have met far more women who would gladly take me than women I would even consider taking... in the available market.

No, she isn't happy.  She may have come to and understanding.  Perhaps she realizes she is too much of a problem, compared to what she offers.  She has to realize when she is no longer fertile, she just doesn't have the draw.  Biologically, her body changes.  It isn't as... alluring, to men.  Sure.  But happy about it?  Not on your life.  I'm not happy about it, if I might have found some comfort in it.

Have you ever been on a roller coaster?

.

.

A really bumpy fast one?  Perhaps right after you have eaten too much, and of the wrong stuff?  Even if you don't get sick, you... really want to throw up, if nothing else in the hope that your stomach and body will settle for it?  Well, that's been what life has been like for the last few weeks.  Months?  A... while now.

I can still work.  Sometimes.  Eat, too.  Some things.  Sleeping more, lately.  Not sure that helps?  Though I think it does.  I sleep through the worst of it, rather than trying to push through.  A nap this morning, feeling slightly better.  Could have slept more, but Sassy started gagging, to wake me up.  Bleh.

Well?

.

.

Still working at things.  Hoping to make sure the first load is dry.  The fold that.  Checking on what is air drying while at it.  I did get a basket of things to take upstairs for now.  Some are blankets, which are still fresh, where folded a while back.  Would like to get them in those airtight bags.  Hmm, though really, some of those things should just be folded with the others.  Or... before.  Those won't be done for a bit.

I did get the bigger dirty dishes washed.  Some larger copper bowls, for egg work.  I'll... need to buy lemons, and use lemon and salt to shine them.  Neglected, for as expensive as they are.  Really keeping at things.  As well, changed two of the fermenting jars, soaked and washed those once.  Doing them one more time.  Then into the dishwasher they go.

Not much?

.

.

I just wasn't able to get to things.  I may put the dishes away, I did run one load.

I did reheat chicken.  As well, had corn and peas.

Some one... said something.

.

.

I wasn't sure I wanted to go with them, with that.

But... fine.

Almost certain she still watches.

.

.

And she... knows where, and what, I have written about her.

It seems she wasn't too upset, about my remembrance.

Five thirty or so.

.

.

A bit of time waking.  Sorting thoughts.  No work was done, just... keeping the list as it was.  Muscles burn.  Ache.  Joints, ligaments, else stretched.  I... worked hard, there for a while.  Knew I would need some downtime.  Getting it.  Still, trying to do... at least little things.  Will do what is possible, possibly a bit more.  Won't push and shove and sprint for a finish line that... keeps moving anyway.

A few new, a few old, tunes.  Yes.  She knows who she is.

The patterns.

.

.

It isn't all about me.  Had to ponder this one.  I figured it was to be about me.  In a way, it is.  In a way, it isn't.  The women I have known.  The youngest of them?  Has aged out of viability.  The oldest, last I knew, was still alive.  Women really don't age well, at all.  They start out as on top of the world as they can get.  Men start out as dogs, and generally get better.  Even if terminally ill, if unable to die.

Oh, yes.  Was someone saying something with this?  Is one of them dead, or dying?  I don't know.  Or... is it just a thought, from out there?  I can't say.  Just that it caught me off, I looked, and I saw.

Just so off.

.

.

A bit confused.  Weary but not sleepy.  Weak, but not without some strength... simply no endurance.  Trying to figure a few things out.  Not happening.

Feeding Sassy.  A few fatted coffees.  Boiled eggs earlier.  Then boiled eggs and pickled pork hocks a bit later.  Oh, while eating the eggs and pork hocks, I accidently salted the pickled pork hocks.  I thought that would make them taste terrible.  It reduced the acidity of the meat, obviously (salts are bases... right?).  But, what it also did was made the meat slightly more solid.  It helped with texture.  Just... a very light salting, mind you.  What missed the egg I was eating, at a moment.  I'll experiment with that further.  Because I liked what that did.

Someone...

.

.

Saying something?

Certainly saw something.

Amazing.

.

.

I figured, with two cans of beans down with, in the end, seven brats?  Did... I mention I was hungry?  And, yes, I did finish the last of it, rather than holding off.  Anyway, I figured blood sugar would be stratospheric.  It is 116?  Okay.  Well, though sometimes it takes a while to kick up.  So, will see tomorrow.

I keep sensing women.  Some I know.  Some I definitely don't.  Sniffing around the blog.  The new couldn't be finding the music, could she?  Several, but one with focus.  Checking... something, for something, about something.  A sense.  Women get a feel, and dig until... they find.  Intuition?  I know that curse, if not all of their problems.  Anyway.

Rough?

.

.

Slight aches and pains.  Lost control of sleep.  Can't eat much.  But, I suppose, not truly rough.  Just... not in control, not moving forward, not getting things done, and not able to switch gears, rock it back and forth from drive to reverse to escape the ruts, stuck.  Not a bad place to be, just... the doldrums.

When it gets like this, I just have to wait it out.  Coffee, fatted coffee, shortly.  It isn't helping, but it does add calories, and calories of a sort I can use, handle to take in.  The caffeine, at this point in my health or wellness cycle, might as well be water.  Still, I'll... take it.

Patterns. Part II

.

.

I... thought.

Ended up here.