Annoyingly annoyed?

.

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I am having trouble sleeping tonight.  A few hours here, then there.  Waking feeling tired, weary, even sleepy.  Just not enough of any of those to get back to sleep.  I am sore, my heart is, from needing sleep, wanting it, and pushing and pulling so hard and long.

When I wake, I... try to find... peace of mind, calm, attempt to create a restful state of being.  My eyes tear up from want of rest.  Not pain, more an ache for sleep, even for rest.  Oh well.

As well, dreaming.  Stupid girl dreams.  I suposse what teen women dream of, well... barring that.  Everything but that.  Shopping, conversations, learning to understand the parts of life which are usually left to them... or were when the world knew and accepted the differences.  Things, quite frankly, I have little interest in.  Domestic details, social norms, expectations, social climbing, and such.  As if in a young lady's boarding and etiquette school.

Three, four, and that after the blanket party one.  Which, too, was for training, and pecking order lessons, among other things.  I had never really considered that side of things.  Would rather not now.  No choicee, dreams are what they are.  We are sometimes simply subject to them.  Though... it... is interesting, to some degree.  Like being a fly on the wall, only with actual inputs, in circles I could never have been.  And, honestly, seems legit, not male centric.  Bleh...  Or, bleh, sometimes.  Very strange.

Something about an upcoming sweet sixteen, a few years off?  Do they still do those, or more only debutantes?  I almost wonder if I was receiving, as a psychic might.  But why would they pick on me?  *chuckles*

Anyway.  I'll try to get back to sleep.  Not much I can do about dreams.  Good night, again.