Down the stairs.

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It took longer than anticipated.  Did I fall back to sleep for a bit?  I gave Sassy attention.  Did I just get lost in annointing her with affection?  It is amazing how much time I can find myself gifting her.  I don't mind at all, if I have it to offer.  Same with mom, if, when, possible.  Spend life kindly, or waste it?

Coffee, a few boiled eggs, and the last bratwurst.  After checking blood sugar and bp.  Blood sugar was moderately okay, at 131 fasting.  Not great, but... okay.  BP was... a mixed weird bag, at 171/80, with a pulse of 78?  Very odd.  The high is lower than recent highs, by ten points, but forty points higher than recent lows.  The low is right at recent lows, as is the pulse.  I must have forgotten meds?  Was going to take it, must not have?  Took it after checking.

Making more water.  Or filtering it, really.  When it is done, I'll fill the reservoir.  There are two and a half, half gallon jugs, of tea in the fridge.  And ice containers are mostly full.  So not much else to do.  After coffee, I will get a vinegar, electrolyte, carbonated water going.  Oh, and see if coffee is set up for mom, to just start in the morning.

Feeling so weak.  Standing, walking, even just sitting, is a strain.  Stupid, I hate that.  Mom talked me into more painpills.  Wouldn't have gotten out without them.  So there was that.  But, as I told her, I can't (usually) take them more than once every four or five days.  With kidneys and liver functions in the mid to low teens, I have too be very judicious in applications.  I just have to suffer.  It's down to suffering or dying.  She doesn't understand, until it horrifies her.  Then she "forgets", changes the subject, reverts to safer topics.  I'm used to traveling right beside the abyss.  I am as much a part of it as it is a part of me, now.  Most... try not to see death, the abyss, eternity.  I'm used to it.

While I see it, know it, understand, what I don't like is feeling it.  That... exhaustion, fever, chills in spite of the fever, falling down inside sensation, and other... death effects?  I really don't like that.  It's like strong, severe even, shock.  If you have ever sensed it.  It's what is plaguing me lately.  Nausea, those other things, and other symptoms beyond, at times.

Still, I'll struggle on, or die.  No worries.  When you have come this far, life and death are both kind gifts... and old, worn, friends.  Later, or good night, again, really.