.
.
Watching financial moves, reading about the political football being played, and just catching on to some of the winds of the world, I realize now is a turning point in history. I might be lead to think this was born in the sixties, and to some extent it was, for here. I might go back further and point to Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, and others. And, that would be true to some extent, of course extending back to Marx. But the truth is, this battle has been waged, won, and lost many times over the course of time. But it culminates, for us and for the world, now.
There are other nearly free nations. Some of them are freer, economically, then America. Some are freer in a libertine manner. None of this will matter if the unilateral world power quits being a free power. If we fail, those nations who have attempted to emulate what we have here, however they have chosen to express it, will fall. No small flame can be lit in the rain. That flame that is the yearning of free men to be free, unless we are truly merely animals, cannot be extinguished. But it can lose voice and representation. It has before. If it does not now, it will in time.
Some of this is due to people being foolish. Some of it is born on ignorance. Some of it, of course is brought about by evil, lying, naivete, and other such things. Though it is not quite right to say that people should not look to themselves, that was actually built into our system. What is the major problem is people who choose to believe they will get something that simply cannot be had. The exchange of power for health care, a loving government, or anything else is merely a scam. It takes money from people, and power, and gives it to those who have proven again and again that they will abuse it.
If it were just the poor, the uneducated, or such, that would be one thing. When you hear a college teacher express that Biden is just so cute when he says the things he does. Or when you hear another who simply knows Obama is going to make the world better (somehow). One has to stop and wonder at all that has gone wrong to bring us to this point and what it would take to correct it. I suppose even that side knows there is a problem, if they cannot really grasp it. Their plan is euthanasia of one sort, but more likely on every front in which they can legislate it or enact it. Those of us who are appalled at the notion have no response except to fight it, and usually lose. It certainly makes me question "conservative leadership" at almost every level. How do you give real hope to people who have none and who have the vote? How do you express the fact that every day is a new chance to people who have quit? How do you tell them that there is something better than lies, death, other people's money, and taxes?
If I were a multi-gazzilionaire and saying these things, that could be put off. I am not. I am a lower income cripple. I am one of those voices who is supposed to believe my government will take care of me. I am supposed to believe the lies. I do not believe. Further, even if I thought these things could be done, I do not believe in the underlying principles required to make them true, that is stealing other people's money at an unbelievable rate, socializing medicine, and undermining whatever founding principles this nation was built on to enact these things. I am weary, my mind is boggled, what else is there to say.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Well, something is working.
.
.
The last few days I was getting up later and the last few nights I could not sleep until early in the morning, 4:00 last night. I set my alarm for 9:00 this morning, hoping upon hope that I would rise (by noon, I am practical). Instead, I woke at a quarter to eight. I did a little damage assessment and some preps for the move, got a load ready, and here I am. Two or three loads a day should see me in good stead. I am not sleeping here yet. I like waking up with nothing to do but move. It offers incentives to get going. In this next week, I should be completely out of the apartment.
I did dream last night as well. Oddly, while I was dreaming, I was also awake enough to hear a conversation next door. At first I thought I was having two dreams at once, or that the conversation was going to become a part of it, without really understanding I was asleep. I simply could not understand what was happening. It sort of killed the dream when I realized the speaking was physical. And yet, I was not actually awake either. That is one of the odder experiences I have had in a while. Awake in mind but not in flesh. Gee, if I were not Catholic, I might have to become a shaman. Then again, I doubt if it pays as well. It might be easier to get a wife though.
More, I do not feel exhausted this morning. It may have to do with spending time here, with all the sunlight available in this place. I simply am not sure what to make of things sometimes.
.
The last few days I was getting up later and the last few nights I could not sleep until early in the morning, 4:00 last night. I set my alarm for 9:00 this morning, hoping upon hope that I would rise (by noon, I am practical). Instead, I woke at a quarter to eight. I did a little damage assessment and some preps for the move, got a load ready, and here I am. Two or three loads a day should see me in good stead. I am not sleeping here yet. I like waking up with nothing to do but move. It offers incentives to get going. In this next week, I should be completely out of the apartment.
I did dream last night as well. Oddly, while I was dreaming, I was also awake enough to hear a conversation next door. At first I thought I was having two dreams at once, or that the conversation was going to become a part of it, without really understanding I was asleep. I simply could not understand what was happening. It sort of killed the dream when I realized the speaking was physical. And yet, I was not actually awake either. That is one of the odder experiences I have had in a while. Awake in mind but not in flesh. Gee, if I were not Catholic, I might have to become a shaman. Then again, I doubt if it pays as well. It might be easier to get a wife though.
More, I do not feel exhausted this morning. It may have to do with spending time here, with all the sunlight available in this place. I simply am not sure what to make of things sometimes.
Friday, November 6, 2009
The machine is moved.
.
.
Unlike what customer service suggested, my internet did not continue at the old place past noon today. My guess is, despite what he said, they merely switched the one off when the turned the new one on. My landlady had worried, since they have not had a land line here and this is dsl (over the phone lines) that it might not work. I figured I would worry about that when the time came. No problems, as I thought. When she voiced her worry, my mother's image overlaced her image, which usually tells me it is merely a feminine neurosis thing, and for the most part to be ignored. Not that she or my Mom are always wrong, it is just that they try and put monkey wrenches into men's work, and cause us psychic tics. Bah! It has taken me years to figure that out and move on through. Oh, and mothers out there, leave your kids alone this way! If you have a worry, let them find the problem if there is one and figure it out. Putting the icy fear of God of doing ANYTHING in your kid's heads is a crime!
I feel better.
Now, on the upside, losing the internet probably allowed me to get cracking. I am, after all, an addict of no small desire. From blogging to a game or two to researching things that mean nothing and I may forget tomorrow, but which expand my felt presence in the world whole, is something I do not like being without. Even if I should not deign to use anything, access is required. I now have the machine over and set up, a couple of loads of laundry done, and a good platform to jump off for my final big push to complete my move. Although I am going to call them and make sure I am not billed for a service I did not receive. If it all works, they will have done me a favor for nothing out of my pocket.
Dreams, dreams, dreams! Where are these things coming from? It is brutal. I am becoming a zombie from exhaustion. I seem to be plagued by so many diseases which are not supposed to be diseases, I really wonder what is truly wrong with me. Could it be spirits? I doubt it, I am clean with God, though a confession is in order and a bit past due. Could it all be sleep and dream related? More sleep, or less, does not change a thing. I simply dream too much. It probably is why I am tired so often. And, to be honest, exhaustion is the only thing wrong with me. There have been times when the dreams were so real that they confused me. Not that I was clinically insane because of it, just confused. Imagine if you dreamed you went to the store and bought many things. Upon waking, you were sure you had them so you did not check when planning a special meal. On that day, you look and find you have none of the things you were sure you had. Now add in more complex things and a few heavier things.
I have had a severe life. Having no roots, not knowing my birth family, not being even in one family but having been in seven different 'family evironments'. A lot of fighting, some acting out, a disinterest in school, some tougher family situations, and some real dangers in the service. That does not help, perhaps those are the fundamental causes of the dreams. I am not sure. But I have done as much, clinically, as is possible with those issues. I have tried prescribed and over-the-counter sleep aids. Those guarantee two things... one that I will sleep, two that I will only sleep about 4 hours. The one thing that did work was taken, Ritalin. It allowed me to overcome the exhaustion, and perhaps some of the confustion and ADD like symptoms from lack of sleep, and to become active enough to function. Though, perhaps, near the end, it was losing it's potency (or they really did put me on a placebo).
One of the really good things about the house I am now in is... windows! Lots of them, plenty of light all day. There is no need for lights until it turns dark. There is a great deal more light here in Utah, even in this northern part, then there is in Iowa. It always seemed dark there. Then again, and added to that, I had my shades pulled all of the time. Too many 'people' simply ignored anything like land rights, being told to keep off the lawn, or even the police (though they were about as helpful as neutered muzzled chihuahuas). I am doing better here, I must just assume this is a part of becoming accustomed to the area. In Iowa, as I am, I would not be moving stuff, with or without internet access, I would be sleeping and for days on end. This is truly the best of the worst times I have ever had. I had this before, here, but it is better yet.
Time will tell, and though I whine and complain, I know life has gotten much better.
Oh, someone asked about my Amazon wish list. I only meant that I had made one. And yes, the name is very personalized to this blog and ID. However, I was only saying I was pleased to have been able to create it, use some of the names I like, and such. It is obscure enough that is not meant to be found by others. If you are a gazzilionaire and would like to hand me a katrillion dollars, we will talk. Though I might even turn that down. Well, okay, I might not. Ha! But I did not mean for people to look, buy me stuff, or anything like that. I am sort of weird that way. There is something about pride being bad, but this is not quite that. If I needed to beg, or thought my writing was worth something, I would publish and sell it. If you ever feel bad for me and want to do something, do this: If you have a relationship with God, lend my name to His ear when you two talk; if you do not believe, then simply think kind thoughts my way. And know to, that I believe suffering is not a complete waste. It is not a waste at all. Through suffering joy is born, treasure is stored in heaven through it whether it is experienced because of His name or merely even if it is handed as a poor man's sacrifice as I do. Suffering for it's own sake is one thing, but my suffering is not that. And, I must add, suffering is only a small part of my life. There is much good.
I blather.
*poof*
.
Unlike what customer service suggested, my internet did not continue at the old place past noon today. My guess is, despite what he said, they merely switched the one off when the turned the new one on. My landlady had worried, since they have not had a land line here and this is dsl (over the phone lines) that it might not work. I figured I would worry about that when the time came. No problems, as I thought. When she voiced her worry, my mother's image overlaced her image, which usually tells me it is merely a feminine neurosis thing, and for the most part to be ignored. Not that she or my Mom are always wrong, it is just that they try and put monkey wrenches into men's work, and cause us psychic tics. Bah! It has taken me years to figure that out and move on through. Oh, and mothers out there, leave your kids alone this way! If you have a worry, let them find the problem if there is one and figure it out. Putting the icy fear of God of doing ANYTHING in your kid's heads is a crime!
I feel better.
Now, on the upside, losing the internet probably allowed me to get cracking. I am, after all, an addict of no small desire. From blogging to a game or two to researching things that mean nothing and I may forget tomorrow, but which expand my felt presence in the world whole, is something I do not like being without. Even if I should not deign to use anything, access is required. I now have the machine over and set up, a couple of loads of laundry done, and a good platform to jump off for my final big push to complete my move. Although I am going to call them and make sure I am not billed for a service I did not receive. If it all works, they will have done me a favor for nothing out of my pocket.
Dreams, dreams, dreams! Where are these things coming from? It is brutal. I am becoming a zombie from exhaustion. I seem to be plagued by so many diseases which are not supposed to be diseases, I really wonder what is truly wrong with me. Could it be spirits? I doubt it, I am clean with God, though a confession is in order and a bit past due. Could it all be sleep and dream related? More sleep, or less, does not change a thing. I simply dream too much. It probably is why I am tired so often. And, to be honest, exhaustion is the only thing wrong with me. There have been times when the dreams were so real that they confused me. Not that I was clinically insane because of it, just confused. Imagine if you dreamed you went to the store and bought many things. Upon waking, you were sure you had them so you did not check when planning a special meal. On that day, you look and find you have none of the things you were sure you had. Now add in more complex things and a few heavier things.
I have had a severe life. Having no roots, not knowing my birth family, not being even in one family but having been in seven different 'family evironments'. A lot of fighting, some acting out, a disinterest in school, some tougher family situations, and some real dangers in the service. That does not help, perhaps those are the fundamental causes of the dreams. I am not sure. But I have done as much, clinically, as is possible with those issues. I have tried prescribed and over-the-counter sleep aids. Those guarantee two things... one that I will sleep, two that I will only sleep about 4 hours. The one thing that did work was taken, Ritalin. It allowed me to overcome the exhaustion, and perhaps some of the confustion and ADD like symptoms from lack of sleep, and to become active enough to function. Though, perhaps, near the end, it was losing it's potency (or they really did put me on a placebo).
One of the really good things about the house I am now in is... windows! Lots of them, plenty of light all day. There is no need for lights until it turns dark. There is a great deal more light here in Utah, even in this northern part, then there is in Iowa. It always seemed dark there. Then again, and added to that, I had my shades pulled all of the time. Too many 'people' simply ignored anything like land rights, being told to keep off the lawn, or even the police (though they were about as helpful as neutered muzzled chihuahuas). I am doing better here, I must just assume this is a part of becoming accustomed to the area. In Iowa, as I am, I would not be moving stuff, with or without internet access, I would be sleeping and for days on end. This is truly the best of the worst times I have ever had. I had this before, here, but it is better yet.
Time will tell, and though I whine and complain, I know life has gotten much better.
Oh, someone asked about my Amazon wish list. I only meant that I had made one. And yes, the name is very personalized to this blog and ID. However, I was only saying I was pleased to have been able to create it, use some of the names I like, and such. It is obscure enough that is not meant to be found by others. If you are a gazzilionaire and would like to hand me a katrillion dollars, we will talk. Though I might even turn that down. Well, okay, I might not. Ha! But I did not mean for people to look, buy me stuff, or anything like that. I am sort of weird that way. There is something about pride being bad, but this is not quite that. If I needed to beg, or thought my writing was worth something, I would publish and sell it. If you ever feel bad for me and want to do something, do this: If you have a relationship with God, lend my name to His ear when you two talk; if you do not believe, then simply think kind thoughts my way. And know to, that I believe suffering is not a complete waste. It is not a waste at all. Through suffering joy is born, treasure is stored in heaven through it whether it is experienced because of His name or merely even if it is handed as a poor man's sacrifice as I do. Suffering for it's own sake is one thing, but my suffering is not that. And, I must add, suffering is only a small part of my life. There is much good.
I blather.
*poof*
Thursday, November 5, 2009
It will work out, eventually.
.
.
Troubles in sleepland continue. I have been waking a bit late, but going to bed at a reasonable time. I am holding on, for the moment, against encroaching sleep chaos. I actually think I will make it out of troubles just fine this time. That does not mean I am as active as I would like. I am in one of those weird moods where I seem to be trying to catch my psychic breath... by holding my breath. Okay, so I think it is sort of funny. At least when I looked a little closer and saw what was happening. No wonder things are screwy. Troublesome and bothersome to be sure. But why not enjoy a little laughter in there with it?
My goal at this point is to merely hang on to days and do whatever I can in the meanwhile. This is truly one of the best "slips" I have ever had. I may be discomboobelated, disoriented, confused, and disassociated with flesh. In spite of that, I am keeping a schedule, I am getting some things done, and I could actually do a light schedule. This is unheard of to me. I am not sure if the dreaming is playing a part, but I know I dreamed again last night, heavily, if I remember next to nothing about them this time. I sense that my dreams are becoming epic. I sort of wish I could remember a few of them. My dreams are far better than most movies, or even series of movies. Take the book form of the Lord of the Rings series, make each book into a series of moves so you miss nothing, then do so for all the books, and you end up with an epic dream. Sometimes, if something interests me, like the dead king wraiths or whatever, I can find out more about them (as an example, I have not dreamed such an actual dream). And, I revisit dreams. I cannot make myself dream about one topic or another, but I can guide the dream, or out and out break it if it makes me angry. Though I like good scary ones, as I have said, so I do not change those.
I will figure it out. And if I can, which I think will happen, keep on track until I get back on my feet, I have a really good chance at expanding life here. I have not been blogging or much of anything lately. Never worry, I am fine, just a bit out of it. It is fun to have some visitors while I am 'home sick'. *chirp* Ha!
Have a great day!
.
Troubles in sleepland continue. I have been waking a bit late, but going to bed at a reasonable time. I am holding on, for the moment, against encroaching sleep chaos. I actually think I will make it out of troubles just fine this time. That does not mean I am as active as I would like. I am in one of those weird moods where I seem to be trying to catch my psychic breath... by holding my breath. Okay, so I think it is sort of funny. At least when I looked a little closer and saw what was happening. No wonder things are screwy. Troublesome and bothersome to be sure. But why not enjoy a little laughter in there with it?
My goal at this point is to merely hang on to days and do whatever I can in the meanwhile. This is truly one of the best "slips" I have ever had. I may be discomboobelated, disoriented, confused, and disassociated with flesh. In spite of that, I am keeping a schedule, I am getting some things done, and I could actually do a light schedule. This is unheard of to me. I am not sure if the dreaming is playing a part, but I know I dreamed again last night, heavily, if I remember next to nothing about them this time. I sense that my dreams are becoming epic. I sort of wish I could remember a few of them. My dreams are far better than most movies, or even series of movies. Take the book form of the Lord of the Rings series, make each book into a series of moves so you miss nothing, then do so for all the books, and you end up with an epic dream. Sometimes, if something interests me, like the dead king wraiths or whatever, I can find out more about them (as an example, I have not dreamed such an actual dream). And, I revisit dreams. I cannot make myself dream about one topic or another, but I can guide the dream, or out and out break it if it makes me angry. Though I like good scary ones, as I have said, so I do not change those.
I will figure it out. And if I can, which I think will happen, keep on track until I get back on my feet, I have a really good chance at expanding life here. I have not been blogging or much of anything lately. Never worry, I am fine, just a bit out of it. It is fun to have some visitors while I am 'home sick'. *chirp* Ha!
Have a great day!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I actually got to be Hell Boy.
.
.
Dream bombed last night and through a bunch of snoozes until I turned the thing off, and then some more. Meh, being Hell Boy is just as problematic as being me, or more. It was not just one dream in which I was Hell Boy, either, it was all of them that I remember. That is simply who I was in all the dreaming that I remember, and I remember many dreams. I tried to remember one of the several dreams from last night but waking at nearly noon, the memory is gone. It was sort of funny. I awoke from the dreams and to go to the restroom enough times to know that I do actually dream all night long, to some extent, and then on into the morning. I suspect it was not the dreams which caused me to sleep so long, it was the work yesterday as I have been so sedentary lately. And I do not normally get up late at night to use the facilities, however I was drinking heavily yesterday and last night (non-alcoholic drinks, mind you). It was a thirsty day yesterday.
No problem, I will try to sleep as usual tonight and maintain my schedule. I have had skips and misses before. With a little extra effort, I may well be able to stay the course. I cannot remember, but I would guess it has been two or three weeks now, that I have been getting up early! In spite of little sun and a constant battle to keep this place from being too hot or too cold, and on even through a period when I simply could not tell whether it was too hot or cold. The temps in this apartment run from over 82 (as high as by glass bead in glass tube thermometers go), to in the low 60's. Oddly, I end up using the air conditioning (still!) at nights because everybody seems to crank their heat and then the heater in the day because they turn off all heat when they go. I really cannot wait to get to the new place.
I have been experimenting with the furnace setting there. Just from feel, the low 60's are fine in that house. Since I have not been living there, I cannot be sure. There is a programable thermostat there. I have it set for 72 F at about 5:30 to 7:00, then 60 F at 7:00 to 18:00, 55 F at 21:00 or something, during the weekdays. Then the high of only 68 F in the morning and a little later on the weekends, the rest being the same. But it has always been pleasant when I am there.
I have a few things to do today, and I will probably get several loads either to the apartment or to storage. The hard part is done, now to get the little stuff tended and the carpet here in the apartment kitchen cleaned. Once the router works in the house, I will have no further need of the apartment. A lot of blathering this morning. But I am planning, thinking, and waking up. It helps. I suppose that is why song birds do their thing, at least when it is past breeding season.
*chirp*
Have a great day!
.
Dream bombed last night and through a bunch of snoozes until I turned the thing off, and then some more. Meh, being Hell Boy is just as problematic as being me, or more. It was not just one dream in which I was Hell Boy, either, it was all of them that I remember. That is simply who I was in all the dreaming that I remember, and I remember many dreams. I tried to remember one of the several dreams from last night but waking at nearly noon, the memory is gone. It was sort of funny. I awoke from the dreams and to go to the restroom enough times to know that I do actually dream all night long, to some extent, and then on into the morning. I suspect it was not the dreams which caused me to sleep so long, it was the work yesterday as I have been so sedentary lately. And I do not normally get up late at night to use the facilities, however I was drinking heavily yesterday and last night (non-alcoholic drinks, mind you). It was a thirsty day yesterday.
No problem, I will try to sleep as usual tonight and maintain my schedule. I have had skips and misses before. With a little extra effort, I may well be able to stay the course. I cannot remember, but I would guess it has been two or three weeks now, that I have been getting up early! In spite of little sun and a constant battle to keep this place from being too hot or too cold, and on even through a period when I simply could not tell whether it was too hot or cold. The temps in this apartment run from over 82 (as high as by glass bead in glass tube thermometers go), to in the low 60's. Oddly, I end up using the air conditioning (still!) at nights because everybody seems to crank their heat and then the heater in the day because they turn off all heat when they go. I really cannot wait to get to the new place.
I have been experimenting with the furnace setting there. Just from feel, the low 60's are fine in that house. Since I have not been living there, I cannot be sure. There is a programable thermostat there. I have it set for 72 F at about 5:30 to 7:00, then 60 F at 7:00 to 18:00, 55 F at 21:00 or something, during the weekdays. Then the high of only 68 F in the morning and a little later on the weekends, the rest being the same. But it has always been pleasant when I am there.
I have a few things to do today, and I will probably get several loads either to the apartment or to storage. The hard part is done, now to get the little stuff tended and the carpet here in the apartment kitchen cleaned. Once the router works in the house, I will have no further need of the apartment. A lot of blathering this morning. But I am planning, thinking, and waking up. It helps. I suppose that is why song birds do their thing, at least when it is past breeding season.
*chirp*
Have a great day!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Not yesterday and not all of it.
.
.
I did get some of the calls completed yesterday. That was it. Today I did get to the storage shed and sorted a bit and re-ordered the thing. I had about 5 by 5 feet of free space, I now have more like 10 x 5, right down the middle. That should allow room for the weight bench and excercise machine when they are dismantled, plus a good little bit. I could make more room, though there are problems with stacking things too high. But, that was the thing that was holding a lot of this up. That and the internet. My ISP rep. said that would be connected Friday. No one needs to go and hook it up, which made me wonder why they cannot do it today. Though it is probably a switch panel somewhere and the techs, or secretaries for all I know, can only switch so many in one day, along with whatever else they do, and I was merely put on a list. Right behind breaks, chatting up the new hot secretary, and doing something on the computer they are not supposed to. Ha.
I might pay a bill or two tonight, maybe all three. I am considering how secure this machine is and how secure it needs to be. Though I would be all for someone hacking my account to pay my bill, the thing is there may be other information on my account which might help them pay their bill on my nickel. If I use the internet a great deal, I cannot trust it. I had considered getting a game system but have decided against it merely on the grounds that even those work on some kind of internet now. I simply do not wish to be connected in everything I do.
I dreamed though, again, last night. And I dreamed all night again. I know, they say the dreams are over quickly and all that, whatever. Though I do not think they have all that as down pat as they think, either. Here is a thought, you do realize every educated person was educated by someone, right? You realize no one is perfect right? You also must understand that data transmitted from one person to another is the surest way to corrupt information. Which means, like mercury in fish ends up at the highest levels in the biggest consumers, so to do errors collect the greatest in the most well educated. All I am saying is... enjoy your next doctor visit and pray you do not need an even more educated person to cut you open. Someday real doctors will ask what they barbarians were doing, and sort of chortle darkly about the grotesqueries of our "medical practices". Then again, if it is socialized, he will be saying that as he takes his next narcotic mix to stay awake for his 2nd 24 hour shift in transfiguritive maintenance (what used to be surgery), and checks his McDonald sized income online to make sure he has enough for more "snuff".
.
I did get some of the calls completed yesterday. That was it. Today I did get to the storage shed and sorted a bit and re-ordered the thing. I had about 5 by 5 feet of free space, I now have more like 10 x 5, right down the middle. That should allow room for the weight bench and excercise machine when they are dismantled, plus a good little bit. I could make more room, though there are problems with stacking things too high. But, that was the thing that was holding a lot of this up. That and the internet. My ISP rep. said that would be connected Friday. No one needs to go and hook it up, which made me wonder why they cannot do it today. Though it is probably a switch panel somewhere and the techs, or secretaries for all I know, can only switch so many in one day, along with whatever else they do, and I was merely put on a list. Right behind breaks, chatting up the new hot secretary, and doing something on the computer they are not supposed to. Ha.
I might pay a bill or two tonight, maybe all three. I am considering how secure this machine is and how secure it needs to be. Though I would be all for someone hacking my account to pay my bill, the thing is there may be other information on my account which might help them pay their bill on my nickel. If I use the internet a great deal, I cannot trust it. I had considered getting a game system but have decided against it merely on the grounds that even those work on some kind of internet now. I simply do not wish to be connected in everything I do.
I dreamed though, again, last night. And I dreamed all night again. I know, they say the dreams are over quickly and all that, whatever. Though I do not think they have all that as down pat as they think, either. Here is a thought, you do realize every educated person was educated by someone, right? You realize no one is perfect right? You also must understand that data transmitted from one person to another is the surest way to corrupt information. Which means, like mercury in fish ends up at the highest levels in the biggest consumers, so to do errors collect the greatest in the most well educated. All I am saying is... enjoy your next doctor visit and pray you do not need an even more educated person to cut you open. Someday real doctors will ask what they barbarians were doing, and sort of chortle darkly about the grotesqueries of our "medical practices". Then again, if it is socialized, he will be saying that as he takes his next narcotic mix to stay awake for his 2nd 24 hour shift in transfiguritive maintenance (what used to be surgery), and checks his McDonald sized income online to make sure he has enough for more "snuff".
Monday, November 2, 2009
Another night of dreaming.
.
.
Though it was difficult to get to sleep I slept well until this morning and the snooze dance. It seemed as though I dreamed the whole night, if nothing remains and they did not wake me. This morning, as the alarm was going off and I was hitting snooze, I remember looking at the clocks or watch and seeing as late as 16:00, so I know I was dream obsessing about the time. I had several dreams between snooze hits, but not every one. Though the phenomenon of not sensing time pass between hitting the snooze button as time did pass occurred again today. I am not tired, though, this morning.
I suspect I will be able to get some decent work completed today. I need to call the ISP service, make a payment on my vehicle, rearrange the utility shed, and pay my utilities and this rent. I think I can get that done too. Today is a better day. Oh, right. I washed all my shirts and then left them all over there. Ha, a nice clean shirt sounds really nice about now! I am hoping that a good hard days work will allow me to regain the edge regarding sleeping at night. I have not lost it, but dips that far off the norm to an already tipsy structure are dangerous to the fragile card game I play.
Well, I had better get off, tinker for a few hours to wake up, then get on the road. I will get this done. Have a great day!
.
Though it was difficult to get to sleep I slept well until this morning and the snooze dance. It seemed as though I dreamed the whole night, if nothing remains and they did not wake me. This morning, as the alarm was going off and I was hitting snooze, I remember looking at the clocks or watch and seeing as late as 16:00, so I know I was dream obsessing about the time. I had several dreams between snooze hits, but not every one. Though the phenomenon of not sensing time pass between hitting the snooze button as time did pass occurred again today. I am not tired, though, this morning.
I suspect I will be able to get some decent work completed today. I need to call the ISP service, make a payment on my vehicle, rearrange the utility shed, and pay my utilities and this rent. I think I can get that done too. Today is a better day. Oh, right. I washed all my shirts and then left them all over there. Ha, a nice clean shirt sounds really nice about now! I am hoping that a good hard days work will allow me to regain the edge regarding sleeping at night. I have not lost it, but dips that far off the norm to an already tipsy structure are dangerous to the fragile card game I play.
Well, I had better get off, tinker for a few hours to wake up, then get on the road. I will get this done. Have a great day!
Trouble sleeping.
.
.
It is the legs. They hurt, terribly, as if I had climbed a mountain. I have not done a thing in days which could have caused this. I think I am still dreaming a bunch and sometimes I get hurt or hurt myself in dreams. I am worried this will mess up my sleep cycle. I have worked so hard to bring that about. Well, we will see. I will try to sleep again, now. At least I have daylight savings time possibly helping me out. This is frustrating.
Sleep well!
.
It is the legs. They hurt, terribly, as if I had climbed a mountain. I have not done a thing in days which could have caused this. I think I am still dreaming a bunch and sometimes I get hurt or hurt myself in dreams. I am worried this will mess up my sleep cycle. I have worked so hard to bring that about. Well, we will see. I will try to sleep again, now. At least I have daylight savings time possibly helping me out. This is frustrating.
Sleep well!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Well, I did it.
.
.
I watched my first football game, or half of it. The Vikings versus the Packers. No, not alone. My former neighbor, Grumpy henceforth, called to remind me to turn my clocks back. So, I asked what he was doing. Football was on the tube, then racing. I told him I needed to get rid of some extra candy and if I could visit and watch. He was happily surprised and said, "Sure, come on over".
It was a good game and my team won. From back when I watched football I have three teams of acquaintance, the Broncos, Steelers, and Vikings. Two were from home states and one was just my pick. I also noticed that in spite of not watching for a long time, I still decried bad calls, chattered at my team when they seemed to fall asleep after half time almost to the point of tossing a 24 to 3 lead to a loss, and other common features of sports viewing. Odd how that came back so quickly.
Oh, it was not a great time or thing, but it was more social than, say, playing a game on the computer. It is a start. As I meet other people, perhaps I will be invited to watch other sports, or can do the same. I will need to get a t.v. guide to know what is playing. I only have the local channels though, so I am probably a bit limited. Still, it is another opportunity. I had thought I would not watch pro-ball, but life is what it is. Either you open the door and take what comes or you keep the door closed, I suppose. So it is, I would guess, if I begin to seriously look for a wife. Up to some point in any case.
Bit by bit, I am finding other ways to sneak out of my cave. I am learning to enter the daylight. And I am starting up some things that have been dormant for a while. All in good time. If my time is short, I will do the best with what I have that I am able. That capacity is growing exponentially here, rather than decreasing where I was though, leaves much room for serious potential. I am not, after all, quite dead yet. If still mostly dead, ala The Prince's Bride. Can I take the bitter pill for true love? What is the option? Ha!
.
I watched my first football game, or half of it. The Vikings versus the Packers. No, not alone. My former neighbor, Grumpy henceforth, called to remind me to turn my clocks back. So, I asked what he was doing. Football was on the tube, then racing. I told him I needed to get rid of some extra candy and if I could visit and watch. He was happily surprised and said, "Sure, come on over".
It was a good game and my team won. From back when I watched football I have three teams of acquaintance, the Broncos, Steelers, and Vikings. Two were from home states and one was just my pick. I also noticed that in spite of not watching for a long time, I still decried bad calls, chattered at my team when they seemed to fall asleep after half time almost to the point of tossing a 24 to 3 lead to a loss, and other common features of sports viewing. Odd how that came back so quickly.
Oh, it was not a great time or thing, but it was more social than, say, playing a game on the computer. It is a start. As I meet other people, perhaps I will be invited to watch other sports, or can do the same. I will need to get a t.v. guide to know what is playing. I only have the local channels though, so I am probably a bit limited. Still, it is another opportunity. I had thought I would not watch pro-ball, but life is what it is. Either you open the door and take what comes or you keep the door closed, I suppose. So it is, I would guess, if I begin to seriously look for a wife. Up to some point in any case.
Bit by bit, I am finding other ways to sneak out of my cave. I am learning to enter the daylight. And I am starting up some things that have been dormant for a while. All in good time. If my time is short, I will do the best with what I have that I am able. That capacity is growing exponentially here, rather than decreasing where I was though, leaves much room for serious potential. I am not, after all, quite dead yet. If still mostly dead, ala The Prince's Bride. Can I take the bitter pill for true love? What is the option? Ha!
Sunday thoughts.
.
.
I was just reading the bible when I remembered one of the points on the list of an atheist, a list which numbered his reasons not to believe. This particular reason regarded the notion that Christians, and other faithful, are subjected to indoctrination and to tactics which are quite possibly beyond conscious consideration. Of course, not only is this probably true, I have some hope that it is true. What I see is failed to be noted is that the author subjects himself to such scrutiny. He does not consider himself a part of or party to just such involvements.
As I said, beyond acknowledging that there are forces, both normative, conscious, unconscious, and what I term as spiritual or religious in nature as they have no physical or psychological basis, playing a part in faithful reverence, I accept, expect, and would be a bit saddened if these did not exist. But I go one step further and suggest that even atheists have these same influences which lead them to what they believe. Unless, of course, they are claiming that being an atheist means that they are better or more fully human. Or that those who believe simply are not human. Nietzsche, among others, believed in various forms of the Superman as well. If this is the case, I think I am dealing with psychosis, not merely a difference of opinion.
That was going on in the background, but a passage caught my attention as well, and as I continued reading, I had the one passage and the previous thought vying for space, weaving into what I was reading, and doing their own things. I can do that with more than that load, though prefer single mind loads usually. It does add to life though, especially when it works.
The passage that caught my imagination was when Jesus was visiting a pharisee's home for dinner. A woman washed His feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, and kissed them continually. It seems when people thought Christ knew these thoughts as if they were spoken (another add to D.C.'s notion, if perhaps perfected). And so Jesus asked which of two servants who were forgiven large and small debts would love their master the more. The pharisee suggested it would be the latter. And so it was with the woman, who most likely the pharisee knew to be a prostitute or some such. She would be, and was, forgiven more than the pharisee, and by her exhibitions of love, she showed what He had led the pharisee to see.
My mind went to the women I have known, in the ways I have known them, and in the state of my mind and grace in which I have known them. I have believed, in loving some of the women I have loved, I have brought them out of deeper sin, namely that of "free love" and into a singular partnership. And, in this love I did forgive them a past of prostitution of sorts. No, that does not mean I am a confessor, I do not claim any rights as a priest, I only notice a secular similarity in action and life. I have to wonder, by that, if some of God and more so Christ, if it is by Jesus we get to the Father, lives in us naturally. Just a thought.
The bible does lead me to thoughts which, in many circumstances, might well be considered anathema to any well instructed parishioner or clergy, from any church. Some might make allowances for the fact of the type of life I was raised to live, as various churches allow for local or even the adaptation of pagan or other rituals into church services. Few would find themselves wholly able to see the simplicity of what Christ was saying to understand that, in some ways, through Him, even if blind to Him, he may still function quite soundly.
How does this all weave, if at all. I lost some of the weave, but this is the part I did not lose, and going back to the atheist... If he should ever ask me what would satisfy me regarding his life given my Catholicity at this point, it would be this. Simply to love, with all his heart, each man and woman he should come in contact with. Not sexual love, not simple love though that is an aspect of it. But a respectful admiration for that being as they love themselves, even or more importantly the people that are difficult to love, or those who do not return love. That is the most important thing. Though I would go on to suggest that if he does not know God, he does know right and wrong. To do the best he can and to have guilt when he knows he has done wrong and to try to amend wrongs were possible and to attempt to not repeat them as well.
There is a place and a hope for even the blind. It is my contention that the church offers a clearer way to heaven than any other form. I contend that the Catholic Church offers a manner of worshiping God which I believe to be most right to my senses. And I do wonder if not worshiping in this manner is risky. But if there is hope, for those who cannot see or will not see, it is as I have said. Will I get stoned in the morning for this? (No work on Sundays for the strongly dogmatic, remember!)
If you differ or agree, do not be afraid to speak up. Who knows, if you have some evidence otherwise, I would gladly look at it. Even if you simply feel differently, you are quite welcome to debate. But my mind weave sort of created this, so I wanted to... share it.
.
I was just reading the bible when I remembered one of the points on the list of an atheist, a list which numbered his reasons not to believe. This particular reason regarded the notion that Christians, and other faithful, are subjected to indoctrination and to tactics which are quite possibly beyond conscious consideration. Of course, not only is this probably true, I have some hope that it is true. What I see is failed to be noted is that the author subjects himself to such scrutiny. He does not consider himself a part of or party to just such involvements.
As I said, beyond acknowledging that there are forces, both normative, conscious, unconscious, and what I term as spiritual or religious in nature as they have no physical or psychological basis, playing a part in faithful reverence, I accept, expect, and would be a bit saddened if these did not exist. But I go one step further and suggest that even atheists have these same influences which lead them to what they believe. Unless, of course, they are claiming that being an atheist means that they are better or more fully human. Or that those who believe simply are not human. Nietzsche, among others, believed in various forms of the Superman as well. If this is the case, I think I am dealing with psychosis, not merely a difference of opinion.
That was going on in the background, but a passage caught my attention as well, and as I continued reading, I had the one passage and the previous thought vying for space, weaving into what I was reading, and doing their own things. I can do that with more than that load, though prefer single mind loads usually. It does add to life though, especially when it works.
The passage that caught my imagination was when Jesus was visiting a pharisee's home for dinner. A woman washed His feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, and kissed them continually. It seems when people thought Christ knew these thoughts as if they were spoken (another add to D.C.'s notion, if perhaps perfected). And so Jesus asked which of two servants who were forgiven large and small debts would love their master the more. The pharisee suggested it would be the latter. And so it was with the woman, who most likely the pharisee knew to be a prostitute or some such. She would be, and was, forgiven more than the pharisee, and by her exhibitions of love, she showed what He had led the pharisee to see.
My mind went to the women I have known, in the ways I have known them, and in the state of my mind and grace in which I have known them. I have believed, in loving some of the women I have loved, I have brought them out of deeper sin, namely that of "free love" and into a singular partnership. And, in this love I did forgive them a past of prostitution of sorts. No, that does not mean I am a confessor, I do not claim any rights as a priest, I only notice a secular similarity in action and life. I have to wonder, by that, if some of God and more so Christ, if it is by Jesus we get to the Father, lives in us naturally. Just a thought.
The bible does lead me to thoughts which, in many circumstances, might well be considered anathema to any well instructed parishioner or clergy, from any church. Some might make allowances for the fact of the type of life I was raised to live, as various churches allow for local or even the adaptation of pagan or other rituals into church services. Few would find themselves wholly able to see the simplicity of what Christ was saying to understand that, in some ways, through Him, even if blind to Him, he may still function quite soundly.
How does this all weave, if at all. I lost some of the weave, but this is the part I did not lose, and going back to the atheist... If he should ever ask me what would satisfy me regarding his life given my Catholicity at this point, it would be this. Simply to love, with all his heart, each man and woman he should come in contact with. Not sexual love, not simple love though that is an aspect of it. But a respectful admiration for that being as they love themselves, even or more importantly the people that are difficult to love, or those who do not return love. That is the most important thing. Though I would go on to suggest that if he does not know God, he does know right and wrong. To do the best he can and to have guilt when he knows he has done wrong and to try to amend wrongs were possible and to attempt to not repeat them as well.
There is a place and a hope for even the blind. It is my contention that the church offers a clearer way to heaven than any other form. I contend that the Catholic Church offers a manner of worshiping God which I believe to be most right to my senses. And I do wonder if not worshiping in this manner is risky. But if there is hope, for those who cannot see or will not see, it is as I have said. Will I get stoned in the morning for this? (No work on Sundays for the strongly dogmatic, remember!)
If you differ or agree, do not be afraid to speak up. Who knows, if you have some evidence otherwise, I would gladly look at it. Even if you simply feel differently, you are quite welcome to debate. But my mind weave sort of created this, so I wanted to... share it.
While waking up, I was thinking.
.
.
On one blog or another, just the other day, I read that listening to the Beatles in this day and age is not cool. No problem. I buy that. Further, listening to anything does not make one "cool". Unless you are in your vehicle driving on a cold night with the windows down and you are susceptible to the cold. Listening to loud music, or what passes for it, does not make you cool. As a fact, nothing can make you cool. If we accept that there is something, other than temperature, given over to the term cool (which itself is a bit dated at this time), and that this term relates to how one is viewed in society, I think we can also go on and say that this nature which relates to the secondary meaning of cool is probably not something one can buy, exhibit consciously, or craft in a genuine manner. To my understanding, people are either cool or they are not cool as a state of existence. Further, any belief in what is cool is as temporary as fashion. And a step further, sometimes to not be cool is cool all by itself. Nothing note worthy, just clearing my own baffles on the notion. How cool was that? Oh, and one more thing, at past 40, I care about being cool about as much as I care about being hip or in fashion. As another abused term goes, eat me. (slow cooked, in spite of the marbling, I am probably rather tough and gamy) *grimace*
I have noted some differences here, both from Iowa and from my native (if wrongheaded) ways. People here are much less into themselves and quite a bit less grandiose in showing their choices or ways. Now, I could debate this, and suggest "This is America, I will do as I wish". But I will not. I moved here to enjoy the good fruits of the social, moral, and legal labors done here, the low crime rate, the idea that freedom comes with responsibility mantra, and the simpler and more real life that this area offers. To that end, it behooves me to take a hint and join the club. That means, for me, it is time to make some personal changes. To that end, my car stereo needs to be turned down. I have done that to some degree, but I noted that at even 12 to 16 on my stereo volume, with the windows up, the sound can be heard plainly outside of my vehicle. I do not hear other stereos often, so I am going to need to experiment and fix that. I used to listen to it as loud as 18 to 22, sometimes even 26, though the system will crank to 30 or more without distortion. Times have changed and I need to begin fitting in. I am also looking at other customs and norms. It really is not about me or what I want.
This, of course, leads me to consider just how much of my life is my own in just such a setting. Am I to completely socialize and just find a complete list of norms and lead my life around that? Do I arbitrarily pick which of those things on the list I wish to abide? As is, as I notice things, I begin to incorporate them, which means I have seen no literal list to date. I have seen disapproval regarding certain choices by certain people. But that is too random to call normal. This one might be Mormon, this one might be a strong Mormon, this one fallen away, that one might be Catholic with the same possibilities as the Mormons, this one might be Jewish or Hindu. These may be the norms of a woman, this one of a man, this one of that age, this one of the new age. No, it is not to be found in individuals, that is a never ending losing game. However, I think there is something to be found as a source.
Just recently, Desert Cat in comments, noted that there seems to be a connection among people. That connection is part of why night people love nights. The theory goes that at night we psychicly 'rub elbows' a lot less frequently. I might even add to that by saying if that is true then maybe those who live nights are more mentally guarded, further lowering the chances of a meeting of the minds. People at night more closely secret their thoughts, whether it is because they are hunters or prey of whatever kind. And, I believe there is something to this. What does this all mean to someone who wishes to join in the day club and become a more full member of the society which exists in it?
It means that there is a list, but it is not written down or otherwise ennumbered. Whether it is seen in the general behavoir patterns or whether it is transmitted to the senses in other ways, the list is available. In a more chaotic "multi-cultural" environment, no single pattern emerges. Here, that is not the case. There is a very strong main channel. It is clear and present. There are variations, certain allowances, and room for individuality. Compared to the chaos of a dozen channels though, it is simple and solid and majority.
I can use this clear channel here. It is a moral channel, a socially positive channel, and a family channel. Not all of it works with my particular situation and who I am, but a large majority of it already does or could do so. I will have to personalize it, though everyone on the channel does. I suppose for me, that is what I felt when I first came here. This reminds me of the Iowa of my youth. This is why I felt like I had stepped back in time. This is a huge small town, "hung up" on living right, working hard, and getting real things done in a timely fashion. Beyond being broken, atm, and being what else I am, I can never fully fit in. I am not capable of joining the herd. But if I trust the herd, I can be much more comfortable in and around it. I have even noted that, if to a lesser degree, there are more like me here. When half the population is wolves, no sheep dog is willing to do too much, the herd must tend itself. Some sheep dogs even turn to warring against the herd, either losing their balance or just giving in to their lusts. But when there are few wolves and a herd which prefers righteousness, sheepdogs again have a place and will fill it and step up. That is this place.
.
On one blog or another, just the other day, I read that listening to the Beatles in this day and age is not cool. No problem. I buy that. Further, listening to anything does not make one "cool". Unless you are in your vehicle driving on a cold night with the windows down and you are susceptible to the cold. Listening to loud music, or what passes for it, does not make you cool. As a fact, nothing can make you cool. If we accept that there is something, other than temperature, given over to the term cool (which itself is a bit dated at this time), and that this term relates to how one is viewed in society, I think we can also go on and say that this nature which relates to the secondary meaning of cool is probably not something one can buy, exhibit consciously, or craft in a genuine manner. To my understanding, people are either cool or they are not cool as a state of existence. Further, any belief in what is cool is as temporary as fashion. And a step further, sometimes to not be cool is cool all by itself. Nothing note worthy, just clearing my own baffles on the notion. How cool was that? Oh, and one more thing, at past 40, I care about being cool about as much as I care about being hip or in fashion. As another abused term goes, eat me. (slow cooked, in spite of the marbling, I am probably rather tough and gamy) *grimace*
I have noted some differences here, both from Iowa and from my native (if wrongheaded) ways. People here are much less into themselves and quite a bit less grandiose in showing their choices or ways. Now, I could debate this, and suggest "This is America, I will do as I wish". But I will not. I moved here to enjoy the good fruits of the social, moral, and legal labors done here, the low crime rate, the idea that freedom comes with responsibility mantra, and the simpler and more real life that this area offers. To that end, it behooves me to take a hint and join the club. That means, for me, it is time to make some personal changes. To that end, my car stereo needs to be turned down. I have done that to some degree, but I noted that at even 12 to 16 on my stereo volume, with the windows up, the sound can be heard plainly outside of my vehicle. I do not hear other stereos often, so I am going to need to experiment and fix that. I used to listen to it as loud as 18 to 22, sometimes even 26, though the system will crank to 30 or more without distortion. Times have changed and I need to begin fitting in. I am also looking at other customs and norms. It really is not about me or what I want.
This, of course, leads me to consider just how much of my life is my own in just such a setting. Am I to completely socialize and just find a complete list of norms and lead my life around that? Do I arbitrarily pick which of those things on the list I wish to abide? As is, as I notice things, I begin to incorporate them, which means I have seen no literal list to date. I have seen disapproval regarding certain choices by certain people. But that is too random to call normal. This one might be Mormon, this one might be a strong Mormon, this one fallen away, that one might be Catholic with the same possibilities as the Mormons, this one might be Jewish or Hindu. These may be the norms of a woman, this one of a man, this one of that age, this one of the new age. No, it is not to be found in individuals, that is a never ending losing game. However, I think there is something to be found as a source.
Just recently, Desert Cat in comments, noted that there seems to be a connection among people. That connection is part of why night people love nights. The theory goes that at night we psychicly 'rub elbows' a lot less frequently. I might even add to that by saying if that is true then maybe those who live nights are more mentally guarded, further lowering the chances of a meeting of the minds. People at night more closely secret their thoughts, whether it is because they are hunters or prey of whatever kind. And, I believe there is something to this. What does this all mean to someone who wishes to join in the day club and become a more full member of the society which exists in it?
It means that there is a list, but it is not written down or otherwise ennumbered. Whether it is seen in the general behavoir patterns or whether it is transmitted to the senses in other ways, the list is available. In a more chaotic "multi-cultural" environment, no single pattern emerges. Here, that is not the case. There is a very strong main channel. It is clear and present. There are variations, certain allowances, and room for individuality. Compared to the chaos of a dozen channels though, it is simple and solid and majority.
I can use this clear channel here. It is a moral channel, a socially positive channel, and a family channel. Not all of it works with my particular situation and who I am, but a large majority of it already does or could do so. I will have to personalize it, though everyone on the channel does. I suppose for me, that is what I felt when I first came here. This reminds me of the Iowa of my youth. This is why I felt like I had stepped back in time. This is a huge small town, "hung up" on living right, working hard, and getting real things done in a timely fashion. Beyond being broken, atm, and being what else I am, I can never fully fit in. I am not capable of joining the herd. But if I trust the herd, I can be much more comfortable in and around it. I have even noted that, if to a lesser degree, there are more like me here. When half the population is wolves, no sheep dog is willing to do too much, the herd must tend itself. Some sheep dogs even turn to warring against the herd, either losing their balance or just giving in to their lusts. But when there are few wolves and a herd which prefers righteousness, sheepdogs again have a place and will fill it and step up. That is this place.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)