Not feeling the best.

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In recovery mode.  But, that's... not a bad thing.  I may be able to get to bed early!  So, get back to days and nights almost naturally.  I'm hungry as can be.  Would really like some food.  Can't quit cook tonight.  Thinking about things.  Thinking for certain.  But, really, I don't think I can get out, or cook.

I did pull some meat out of the freezer.  Yes, the meat which had been in the fridge smelled like anchovies, set on the counter for a few days.  No, that's... not how hamburger is supposed to smell!  So, it's... gone.

Dairy arrived.  Kefir was reset.  Sassy has been fed, her litter tended, I'll probably feed her and check that one more time before bedtime.  Gaming, mostly.  Well, and catching water up.  Oh, and I did a few dishes, to keep caught up.  And have been catching up on the water supplies.  I try to keep two just of r.o. water ready, plus the carafe, plus the reservoir set.  But, with the r.o. machine off the freezer top, to do dishes, I fell behind.  I just don't have enough of a place so that everything can have it's space.  But... some of that is my limits, space limits, and some other things.

Still, the things I was behind on are becoming lessor.  Now to get some laundry caught up, and get back to cooking a bit.  I really need some real food.  Kefir, fatted coffee, these are okay.  But they just don't quite give me something to dig my teeth into, or to work at digesting.  I need meat, don't just want it... need it.  I'm not sure how long it has been, or worse... how long I have had it regularly.  I need to eat.  Sardines aren't bad, but not on a stomach empty of realer meats for too long.  I can't eat it when desperate, my stomach can't handle it, not even my favorite.

Do you know what it is to be starving, with food all around?  Trust me, it's not laziness.  So hungry I am almost ill, sick to the stomach, from just that.  Bleh.  I'll keep trying.  With clean dishes and meat thawing, life should work it's way out shortly.  I shouldn't have milk, but it's... something.  A bit low on kefir.  Three jars was too much, used the milk too fast.  We'll see about two jars.  Later.  Or, actually, goodnight.

Awake, in the out of bed way.

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I kept waking, through the morning.  Couldn't get up.  That is when I should be up, or has been that way for a while until I hit a string of roadbumps.  Around 14:30?  Something along those lines, is when I finally woke up.  Fed Sassy, first thing.  Did a few other things, but memory does not serve.  Looked for a few things.  Found one of them.

It looks like the last item for the month is out of deliver?  While a Saturday, it is Christmas season, so... maybe.  Never can be sure when amazon posts something is happening.  Either the taggers or drivers are off key from time to time.  Not complaining, just noticing.  It was a miracle, when people liked the far better than typical pay for footwork.  When they got bored, and wanted more, things changed.  Well, and as the economy caught up with stimmies, overpaid no-skills, and such.  It's all fun until someone lets all the air out of the dollar.

Anyway.  Whatever the cause, we'll see if it does arrive.  All good, this would be a rare early delivery, so I won't begrudge it in any case.  Even if it doesn't show today.

Oh, and the sun is up and out!  Blinding, out there.  So very bright.  All white, valley to mountains.  And the sun hasn't been out for weeks.  So... yeah.  Brings a tear to my eye, though... a mechanical, not emotional, thing.  I can pretend it is emotional though?  :p

Don't know what I'll get to, or into, today.  I'd like to do a few loads of laundry.  Perhaps clean the bathroom a bit.  Oh, and check meat, pull something to thaw.  Probably have to toss what is in the fridge... but I'll check it.  So hungry, but not sure I could cook today.  Hmm, maybe some steamed fresh veggies, and butter?  Not fancy, but it's... something, something.  Well, and any possible meat that might still be good.  I'll... find out soon.

A shower, at some point, as well.  Don't need one.  Still rather clean.  Want one.  Now that the water softener is running?  Showers are so much nicer.  Same with just washing the hands.  I had it on 100, set it down to 60.  Might go on down to forty.  Just to see.  At 100, it was like washing with soap, just using water.  A bit too soft.  I wonder if that affects dry skin, in truth.  I ought to do some research.

Anyway... on to looking about the web, getting a coffee, and then gaming a bit, to wake.  Good 'morning', day, and afternoon I guess.  Depends on how your day runs lately.

Just getting to bed.

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I did make the bed.  Then... got lost gaming.  If, though, too, I couldn't sleep so it really didn't matter.  If I try to sleep, when I can't sleep, it just doesn't work.  If I can stay down, I am miserable.  Staying down doesn't mean sleeping.  If I go down, get up, and repeat the cycle a few times, that gets... rough too.  No, best to sleep when I can, push a bit when possible, and slowly get days and nights back in order.

I simply worked too hard this last few weeks.  Something has to give.  And it did.  Still, not a worry.  It's winter.  Ten snows in, here, if smaller ones.  That's winter.  I don't care what they say, or what is technical, or else.  So, in winter, and working, I can't expect much else.

First, I need to rest, and relax.  If too, keep up on showering and figure out food again.  Then, slowly, adjust my day and night around.  Bedtime, now.  So very tired, finally.  All good.  Just nearing six.  I guess it will do.  If It's a shorter sleep, that's fine.  If it's longer, I'll try to add to it, staying in longer.  Would rather a longer time down.  Not always the choice available.  Goodnight, and morning.

Better.

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Popcorn may not be real food.  Aspirin has limits.  Those are what I had, and could use.  Did.  A bit sore.  Two weeks of pushing things through has left my muscles aching.  All good, I like it when I push hard enough to hurt.  Unfortunately, it doesn't take much.  Still, bruised and a bit battered, but the aspirin has relaxed the heart and eased the other pains.  Popcorn, with real butter, helped fill my belly a bit.

Real food would have been better, but I just couldn't get to it... cook.  I have pans and pots cleaned, ready.  I just don't... have what it takes to get things cooked.  I probably have meat in the fridge.  Probably all bad.  I... just... couldn't cook, on top of what else I was doing.  So, I'll toss it, tomorrow.  And pull fresh out from the freezer to thaw.

Still, I am up to grade.  Keeping up on water, food and litter for Sassy, this and that.  Now, I just have to push days and nights back around.  I'll... do what I can.  Yes, I did tear the bed down, and reset the mattresses.  Will have to set those up before bedtime.  Hopefully shortly.  Actually, I may just go up, and get those set back up, and at least partly made.  Not sure I can push through, for long, even on such tasks.  But, getting the mattresses down and the sheets and pillows down, could be a start.  Blankets later?  Maybe some right then.  Depends on how worn I get, and how fast.

Do that, a bit of gaming, then maybe on up to bed in an hour or two?

Later, or goodnight.

Hurts.

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I've had worse.  Just a tight chest.  No, not dying.  Just... not.  Working at things for two weeks, even littler things that I did, but pushing until they were done?  When I have little to offer.  It's how it happens.  Still, aspirin.  A small handful.  It often helps.  I suspect when it doesn't help, it doesn't hurt either.  Or may help in other ways.

I did wake at 14:48 or something.  But for a few seconds.  I thought, perhaps, I had messed up.  But, no.  I also woke at 17:30, then just now at 20:00 or so.

Stripped the bed, reset the mattresses, dressed for the house, though I could drive through a drive-through, if I had money.  Just wouldn't go in anywhere.  I really don't get that.  It's an old guy thing, I guess.  I remember when people dressed properly even to go to the store?  But that was small town, not certain about bigger cities.  Flying, shopping, even going to the auto shop or the dentist.  Then, one step, or three, to go to church.  Even a doctor or lawyer visit some attention to detail was required.  Times have changed.  If I'm not sure lawyers ever quite deserved respect they got.  Maybe then?  Maybe.  Some today, if those are less likely to get the respect, oddly.  Upside down, everything.

A fatted coffee, see if there is some cheese to slice, perhaps the last few slices of deli meat?  Hungry, know it.  Just... not sure I can do much about it.  If I can get a bit in, perhaps eggs and bacon in a bit.

Oh, and I should put the last of the dishes away.  Perhaps start a load of laundry, try to get a few through, then try to be to bed by midnight?  Dunno.  Will see.  It's a bit of a rough one.  Pushed too hard.  Headache, neck ache, bones, muscles, in the shoulders.  And just so achy from being so tired.  Sleep didn't really help, it was at the wrong time, if in plenty.  Ugh.

Still?  Suffer with a smile, if at all possible.  And, I can do that.  Not walking around it, walking right through it.  Will see if aspirin will help.  But not worry if it doesn't.  On back to gaming.  While I snack?  Or... while browsing the web while waking.  Whatever.  Good evening, day, and night.

Up?

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Sort of, for a while?  Wanted to get to the post.  Been weighing on my mind.  Kept failing.  Today.  I... couldn't sleep well.  So, after a few hours down, I woke and am just waiting for them to be open and ready.  I'm not sure when they open, eight? nine?  I am sure of the latter, probably the former too.  But I just want to go once, so I'll head out around nine.

Nothing fancy.  A bulk box of facial tissues.  But, at the price, yeah.  Then I am stocked for, probably, a year or two.

After?  If I can get back to bed for a while, I will.  If not, I guess my day gets a harsh restart.  

Changing kefir resets, from three jars to two, a day.  Either that, or I will have to order more milk.  Just not willing to go with four gallons a week.  Yea, I burn through three gallons pretty easily.  For a while, initially, that was too much.  Then the kefir colonies strengthened.  Now I can get a reset every twelve to eighteen hours, with just a few tablespoons of the grains.  With three jars, I was having to stretch the milk, so ending up with more curds and whey, which I... don't prefer.  Ugh... getting these things to balance out, when everything runs on a bit of a curve, has been frustrating.  Still not sure I have it.  Working on it though.  Ugh!

How many days has it been dark, now, in a row?  A week?  Two?  It seems like a long time.  Oddly, it isn't throwing me too far off.  Sure, I am tired, and achy with not all that much work.  But, off meds, that's the way of things.  And, usually, much worse.  Perhaps the meds have helped the heart and else in a more permanent way?  Or, maybe, it just allowed Atlas time to shift the world on my shoulders, and get used to the grist mill of life.  And maybe knowing what is really wrong allowed me a... chance to alter my perspective?  I think it's a number of things.  Though, how long or short that will do is a whole other thing.

In a foreign country, such as Argentina or Cambodia, I could afford medical.  I just don't have what I would want, need, yet, to get there.  With the house having become unsellable at the price I would sell, I'm sort of stuck here.  Dreamed of selling up, for a premium, last night.  And moving out.  Just a dream.  A good one, as it turned out.  As mentioned, I can't afford an American wife.  And... I found one down there.  A few kids, too.  Those dreams seem so long.  Weird, when waking just a few hours after having gone to bed, to realize twenty years hasn't passed.  I'm not twenty or thirty years older.  I don't have a wife and kids.  Crazy how real that seems.

Well... going to research a few things on the new game.  Then get to the post and then back on to bed... I hope.  Goodnight, again.

On to bed.

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Starting a new game, sort of dug in.  I'll set the alarm for eight and ten, see if it's possible.  For now, on to bed.  Oh, and I did get a shower.  Part of why I am still awake is I was waiting for hair to dry a bit better.  Just wouldn't dry!  Bleh.  All good, I suppose.  Ready for bed now?  should sleep well.  If I can wake well, and early enough, I will.

I was able to get out.  Earlier.  Hoping it doesn't snow more though.  Then gain, if it snows more, not sure anyone will be out for anything?  We'll see.

Goodnight.  Sleep well.  A few prayers going out.

Eh?

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Still haven't showered.  About to.  Did get a fatted coffee going.  Can't even drink it very fast.  Been nursing it for... an hour?  Vodka would fix that!  But... bring it's own problems.  No, I'll... just go slow.

A few things are missing, that I have been looking for the last few days.  Irritating, how that can go.  I did find some of the things.  The instapot, and accessories for it.  I had forgotten about the accessories.  Thankfully they were right there with it.  As mentioned, they won't really help with the 8 quart.  Just won't fit.  So no use to keep.  And, yes, having two pots with that thing really helps make a variety of meals in a week... if you... can do even that.  

A roast one day, a chicken stew the next, and that will get you through the week.  Sure, leftovers suck to eat (sometimes, often).  But, with the price of food of late, I have learned to eat the suck.  Meh.  Actually, I've just learned to eat less.  Would rather go without than eat that much.  Especially when even meat quality is going down the shitter.  There is a limit to the price I'll pay for what is turning out to often be inedible.  I won't go too heavily into canned food, that's... what they do with what they should be tossing?  Bleh.

Still, the idea is sound, if you can find good meat.  Did we just all get exported to North Korea?  I swear, things are really a problem, and it is so as a decision of big money, big governments, and churches/faiths of all sorts.  One thing or another will give.  There is only one group they are trying to eliminate.  Then again, even arabs will be in trouble if there are no buyers for their oil.  But africans, wherever they are?  Who will feed them?  Everyone looks at the little picture, or just themselves, theirs.  There is... the whole of the story to see.  Meh.  It'll work itself out, or not.

Oh, on to a shower.  Then a bit of gaming.  New game though.  I dumped Witcher 3.  It is unplayable in it's current form.  I can be one-shotted, coming out of a scripted event, on a mission that is five levels below my current level, before I can even raise defenses or move?  Right.  No.  The game is broken.  I'll look at other games.  Though, I have to admit, I am really looking forward to the ssd.  That should cut startups, game loads, and transitions by... a significant amount.  Well, so they say.  We'll see.  May try Mass Affect.

Trying it first, with the current hdd, will give me a better comparison, for when I get the ssd installed and running.  Got a serious deal.  That's always a bit spooky.  So, I have incentive to get it in, and going, well before the return date occurs.  One of the things I am looking for is a usb drive.  They aren't that expensive, these days.  But I don't want to buy more. 

Yes, on to a shower, then a bit of gaming as I dry.  Goodnight.

Supper, anyway.

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Made it out.  Just fast food.  Not proper, I suppose.  But it is what I could do, between need, want, and ability, that was that.  When I got there, I reached for my wallet.  Not... with me.  I felt like weeping.  Tired, hungry, cold... but, no.  Then I remembered.  I... had a few dollars here and there.  Pulled enough for a meal.  Check.

Now just trying to figure out how to get a shower going.  Seems easy enough.  It's not.  Tired.  At least pain seems to have passed.  Even the headache is finished.  Still, a bit hungry.  Though, as before, can't really do much about it.  A fatted coffee will do, have to do.

Back to gaming.  But, I realize they have zapped a bunch of things.  Healing rates, refresh rates for casting signs, a bunch of things have been zapped to hell.  It made an already difficult game much more difficult game.  Currently playing on the hardest settings.  They even made a side game more difficult.  Had been playing on the medium setting.  That became difficult.  So I went to the easy setting.  But?  That made it worse.  Their settings are broken.  Can't be sure what to do, only that the game has become a lot more difficult.  I have learned how to survive, but when it takes five minutes to beat a simple mob at my level?  They have messed up terribly.  The whole thing, if I had to guess, is to turn this single player into another turd of a multiplayer.  And, this is some sort of "balancing" thing.  They just cut a lot of their standard players.  But, they don't care, there are a lot more cucky multiplayers who just want to die, stupidly, over and over, for nothing really.

Coffee, and see if I can sort this game out.  If it were a choice to accept the download, that would be one thing.  But, it will download and install in the background any time you turn your back.  I didn't realize this was happening, was watching a show.  Assholes.  Later.  Or... probably goodnight.  If I can sleep in the next few hours, I will.

Dishes mostly done.

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The last batch and an half are done.  Most of the rest are completed, including being put up.  I washed the instapot, and some of the extras.  The extra seals and relief valve will be sitting for a while, so they'll need to clean those when that time comes.  But, all ready to go.

No I just have to catch my breath, rest a bit, then get a shower going.  Nothing fancy.  Would like to eat.  May get out to order something.  I just don't have it in me to cook, but food would be really good.  Two ounces of cheese and two ounces of salami, soup, popcorn, and fatted coffees, for the last three or four days.  I... want something more.  I can't do much else without getting out.

The headache has eased.  Didn't do anything for it, just... wasn't thinking about what might be done to fix it.  Heart is still a bit tired feeling.  It won't get better.  Off medicine, it's just a quicker slow coast to the finish line.  Still, may well take another twenty five to thirty years.  Just the way of it.

I haven't worked on the rubik's cube, other than just keeping what I have.  Practice, from time to time.  It takes between 1:45 and 2:30, usually, to finish a messed up box.  I see one area I would like to work on specifically.  I know what needs to be done, just not quite yet how to do it.  I think it was in a video I presented.  Thing is, I have to be in a right condition to sort out what is being shown, when it will work... work best... and a bit of how it works.

I think, before I get to that, I will work on tearing down boxes in this room.  Actually, now, all over the house.  Ugh.  Still, all good.  Things to do this next week.  Would like to get to confession, so as to be ready for events coming up.  I have been poor at getting going.  But, doing better in winter than usual.  By a lot.  Not all that active, but not nearly dirt napping.  Meh.  I'm not sleeping extremely long hours, and only waiver in my schedule when I push a bit too hard.  Not bad, really, not bad at all.  Just... not superior.  Yet.  I think I might have picked up a bit.

Hopefully to bed in time to get up, to be at the post, on time.  It's been rough, trying to get through.  But... that isn't too uncommon, for winter.  Or high summer.  It was 22 F out there, last I looked.  So, not too terrible.  And, not too bad, as winter goes.  We have snow, which will help.

The state capital seems to be having trouble.  As the Great Salt Lake evaporates, toxins dumped there, and naturally occurring, are rising into the dust.  Heavy metals and else.  As is, nine percent of the lake bed is exposed.  More is occurring.  And with water shortages?  Some by drought, some from ag, and actually not all that much by consumer use.  If you look at it, whether here or Cali, residential use is a rather small part of it.  If larger metros are their own thing, a bit different.  Growing in deserts, from Utah to Arizona, to Nevada, and Southern California, plus massive metros in the deserts.

They keep suggesting making more reservoirs.  But, I think, they realized the cost of that.  It would, most likely, increase the speed at which the GSL is disappearing.  And, when it is gone, so too, in very short order, will be SLC.  Don't need, can't use, that salty water.  But it keeps the dust from making the whole place a toxic waste sight, that won't improve for centuries.  Damned if you do, damned if you don't.  No, I don't have a solution.  There simply may not be a solution, at this point?  They will do something, even if that is doing nothing.  And, what happens, will happen.

So, rain, and snowpack, and cutting...  They are cutting water use, mostly to residential.  I'm not sure about ag, but haven't heard... thought not one way or the other.  Though I see corn grown, and wheat.  Can't be too cut?  Twenty year droughts?  They have had those a few times, even in modern times.  Have there been longer droughts in modern times?  Most I have heard were two decades, or so.  It happens.

On the good side, even if it is failing, finally, the damns really did help cover through a lot of years without water.  The reservoir system did well.  Further, the only reason it is on the brink is because someone decided not to cut water usage, believing it would last forever, I guess?  Cutting ag?  Prices would go up, usage would go down.  Less waste in the stores?  Fewer foods that aren't healthy for us?  Not a totally bad thing.  I have certainly cut my consumption, and changed it.  If not in the best way.  Then again, the food they are offering is of vastly lower quality.  I'm not sure what I am eating, even when eating meat and veggies which are supposed to be raw.  Rawish?

Just... thinking.  Not much to do about anything.  This will fix itself.  Useless eaters, like bureaucrats and myself, will be... managed, one way or the other.  No choices.  Hope they choose wisely, though that won't necessarily include sparing me, mind you.  When it comes down to getting enough food for everyone, and there isn't enough food, choices will be made at many levels.  From neighbors making choices, to local governments, on up.  It won't always be fair.  Definitely watching.  If... everyone has to sleep.  

I'll hope to get a shower, and food, before long.  Later. 

Horribe.

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I pushed, when I could.  Too late and too far, all said and done.  Waking around 14:00.  Sassy came up, on her own, got me going.  Fed first thing, for her efforts.

Terrible headache.  Heart is tired.  Still, I have things to do.  I put up the dishes to be put up.  Then reset the dishes in the last to batches.  Closing in on a shower.  Of course, I missed the post office hours.  But, tomorrow.

I'll get things done, maybe do a load of laundry, then rest today.  It isn't just what was done, it was pushing through the day to try to get to it, more than the work, that got to me.  I was awake until... 4:30?  I just couldn't work fast enough.

I'd like to eat today, but I'm... just... not up to eating, or cooking, or... else.  Maybe there is something easy enough?  Hmm, bacon and eggs, just those, might work.  Still snowed in out there.  Should be able to get out tomorrow?  We'll see.  The UPS truck just drop up the drive, which is fine.  But that was a few days ago.  We have had at least two snows since his last visit?  His footprints are almost not visible.  We'll see.  No way I can shovel, and the scoop isn't on the lawn tractor.

Well... on to something.  Probably just resting for a bit, then dishes a bit after that.  Gaming between.  Later.

Slowly.

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I finally finished clearing the freezertop.  Then washed it.  Putting a few dishes in for a soapy soak while at it.  Had to take a break.  Did so.  Now to get to the dishes, so as to get to a shower.

Well, and I pulled the instapot.  It looks like it is the one they wanted, too.  Plus, there were some extra parts.  An extra pot, which is useless for an eight quart.  Plus, a few extras beyond that.  Dusty, but I'll get to that as I do dishes.

I may be able to finish off the dishes, and get to a shower.  As slow as I am moving, may have to just try to stay up to get to the post today.  If I sleep, I'll miss it.  They are only open until noon, or so.  Getting to things.  I guess.  Just, as mentioned, slowly.  Just to get into a shower will be worth it.  And, maybe fore a few days.  With dishes pretty much tended for a while.  Ugh.

Not bad.  Yes, I have been taking care of Sassy.  She has been extra hungry, but I can't give her more food.  And she just won't eat extra hard food.  Probably doesn't sit well with her.  

The game wasn't completely broken, but they did jank it up pretty badly.  They aren't good at what they are paid to do.  If... that might be the whole thing, these days.  Though, when your main effort is to hire based on equity, anything that was supposed to be done goes by the wayside.  And... you get what you get.  Every.  Single.  Time.  Then again, I think they did that to make people so mad we wouldn't notice they were trying to steal data from our gameplay.  Not sure why they really want it, it isn't for improvement.  Probably just another way to get into our business.  Who knows what they really can access, when given "permission".  Then again, I have serious doubts if they won't take the information anyway.  Companies, these days, as always, really have no morals, ethics, and don't abide laws... pretty much with the permission of modern governments, for their share of the take.  What, 10% for the big guy?  Right.

Bleh.  A bit of online browsing, then I'll get started on dishes.  A few small batches at a time, I suppose.  Later.

A bit of a start.

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Nearly have the freezertop cleared.  Made popcorn, haven't eaten anything solid in... a while.  I did have some cheese and salami earlier, but not much.  Can't really get to cooking, not all that terribly interested in eating, food hasn't been tasting all that good lately.  I'll work on things.

A bit of a break, to game.  But the update they did yesterday may be really bad.  Everything it upgraded isn't worth using, most of it.  Further, it seems to have made some things nearly impossible.  I'm not sure what they all did.  Not all of it is listed.  They must have the C team working on it, or are trying to force people to not play it, or upgrade their systems.  It looks like they are trying to kill ps4's.  Shouldn't have upgraded.  Not sure if there is a way to undo that, without undoing all the upgrades?  Well, they have even introduced problems in game saving.  Either they let idiots patch it, ore meant to break the game.  Or nearly break it?

I might get dishes done, and a shower.  Not sure I could do more though.  No laundry, no cleaning.  But that would be enough, a good start.  And, after a shower, I will probably bag the shower head, and soak it in vinegar overnight.  Then hit the bathroom sink faucet tomorrow.  Possibly get to dishes, and maybe a bit of cleaning.  As well as stopping at the post.  Ugh.

Gaming, for now.  Later.

A few small things.

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Hoping for more.

Several of my faucets, and kitchen sprayer, were blocked up, a bit.  So?  A baggy and vinegar, wrapped and secured, given an half hour to two per, and a better flowrate.  A trick I heard about.  Doubted, but... you never know.  I gave it a go, and it went, swimmingly.  I need to hit the bathroom sink again.  And I'd like to do the showerhead before long.  The sink wasn't finished, for a hole developed in the bag.  And I ran out of energy.

The goal, tonight, is to get a shower.  Which means dishes, first.  Which means the freezertop.  Everything gets backed up, overlaid, and one thing in the way of the others.  Sometimes in multiples.  So far, just... linear, for now.  Bleh.  Still, I... keep trying.  Didn't make it to the post office.  Will make great effort to do so tomorrow.  A shower is required, which means dishes are required.  Which... I think it is just those two things in the way.  Bigger things.  But... just those.

As well, if possible, I would like to get a load of laundry done and drying.  I wouldn't mind putting them on the line, but a) we keep getting snow and b) I am too tired to mess with being outside.  I turned the heat up, yesterday, in an attempt to warm the coldblooded body my corporeal form has become.  Doing much better this year, but... it's... still limited.  Though too warm isn't better?  Aye, but that is subjective.  Today, 72 is warm enough, tomorrow 75 is what it takes, then 75 is way too hot the next day.  Sometimes 72 is too warm.  It's... a bit of a mess.

Still, working on it.  Saying prayers.  As men I know die, it's... strange.  All I can do is pray.  Though, I really need to get to confession, and figure out how to do that regularly, with someone who speaks in a way I understand, and who I believe understands my words.  That has to be clear.  I'll... look around, again.  And, since I can't do it on Saturdays... not... well...  I need to figure out... that.  Perhaps, if I can get a priest to see me... I don't mind looking into eyes, speaking directly, being known.  I just want to make sure what is said, both ways, is fully understood.  And, that I can go in... when I can go in.  I can keep a schedule, usually, for a few days, maybe a week, if I am lucky.  Then getting out might become too difficult, or my sleep and wake cycle may alter.  I have to set an appointment within a few days, and do everything required to make it.  Or... rearrange it.  Dying is difficult.  Especially doing it for decades.  It's... messy.  And people, not even priests, like messy things.

I need to get confession, and keep that up.  So that I can, with clean conscience, go to events, and attend rightly.  Masses, and other such.  Mass would be good, but the Lord knows, that will be hit or miss.  Much more miss.  But until confession, it isn't a right mass.  Ugh.  Working on it.

Hmm?  Oh, on to the freezertop.  Then, maybe, a light reset of dishes.  Later.

Down for four hours?

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Rough.  Sleep was fantastic.  But the dream(s).  I think there must have been several.  The first one?  Not much remains.  It was bloody, similar to yesterday's dream, or last nights, or... whenever it was.  A local self-defenses system, though more for roughs, in a city are, with a bit more civilization remaining.  It was good.  As mentioned, a bit bloody, if rarely lethal.  Just that if groups would enter our zone, looking for easy pray, of any kind, they would get mauled.  And, beyond our group, if absolutely necessary, we could count on neighboring groups.  Some with firearms, and we had some.  Last resort, so as not to get the police involved.

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The other dream was the worst.  A bug, got on someone's head, and pretty much ate it.  A few people saw this, but thought they were going crazy, but there was no report, no missing person files, so had been seeing psychiatrists.  Turns out, it was a real case.  Not sure why it didn't hit the news.  Maybe the bug consumed the whole, or the news thought it a prank, or... there were lots of legitimate and illegitimate reasons.

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Eventually, it did come out though.  The bug was hunted, found to be some number of them, and eliminated.  But, the people seeing the psychiatrists?  We tried to pry them away from that stupid thing, and just have them grow up and deal with reality.  Some did, at least one wouldn't.  I guess, just switching from what couldn't' have been seen, to what was seen, as the reason to be there.  Sucker born every minute.

Still, it... didn't bother me.  The bug thing was... pretty gross.  Though I had to wonder how a bug could eat the head of a human.  What, were they on their cellphone?  I did laugh at that last, until I realized that... could happen.  When they are "on" their cellphones, these days, they might as well be on heroine or whatever it is (else) they jab or snort or smoke these days.  Crazy world, these days.

Oh, but the "lost" cat litter box was on my porch when I woke.  That... was fast.  If you are going to steal?  Make sure you aren't tagging each item out.  Ah, and I missed getting the item at the post.  I'll... get a shower tonight, to make sure I can pick it up tomorrow.  T.P., as the second box is running low.  I like to keep two boxes, and prices are coming down.  Not sure why, but I got some for cheaper than the last few years.  Since before covid even.

Personally?  I think they herded people into horde buying, as they have with ammunition for quite some time.  People have stopped herding.  Broke.  I have gathered a few more essential supplies of food, as I was very low.  And cat supplies.  Things I think will honestly be out, but only at reasonable prices.  But I won't be goaded into more buying, and can slack my needs and use quite a bit.

They sold tomorrow's sales for today.  And tried to gouge, if not many went for that.  Waiting for the low cycles, then ordering in plenty.  With stock backed up, they had no choice.  Thought they could back people over a cliff.  Can't do it unless you can control prices, production, storage, and else.  There just wasn't enough room to gamble with prices.  I wonder how many elites have lost a, if not their whole collection, of shirts in an attempt to gamble against, especially, the American buyers.  Might have gotten me a few times, until I caught the drift, and learned to hold my breath, resist the panic, and watch prices crater.  Yum!

Later.

Dang it!

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A mistake.  But... in the correct direction this time.  I had thought to order an external ssd (solid state drive, memory device for some equipment).  Never mind.  Just, I had intended to buy an external drive.  A bit slower, maybe?  But... faster than what I have.  Instead, as it turns out, I bought an internal drive.  

And, as it turns out, that IS what I want.  I will lose the 500 gb of memory (or 1 tb?, one or the other).  But it is slow.  Wouldn't use it anyway, for anything, I don't think?  Now, it does require a more complicated effort to install.  And I'll have to find or buy a usb drive... though of what size I haven't quite determined.  Ugh.  But, if you go there, best to go there correctly.

I also canceled one of the shoes I preordered, to try.  I think they have stopped having some things available, and just don't want to admit it.  If they have to be shipped, they just aren't shipping, from overseas.  China is cutting the cord, really.  Though, even with shipping prices cratering, foreign sellers as a whole seem to have backed off.

In one sense, it makes sense.  Honestly?  China has destroyed parts of it's country to produce things.  And, worse really.  They neither cared about the environment, health of employees, the safety of their products (if at the behest of major worldwide mega-corpos), or anything else.  Too bad that isn't why they are getting out of the game.  They are getting out, to get ready for war.  India, US-Euro, maybe even Russia.  They aren't a nation to turn their backs on opportunity, even if it means slitting their own throats in the long run.  And Russia is ripe for a backstab, and that, these days and for a long time, is how America runs.  Rome is Rome, you don't think Genghis poisoned himself, do you?  Even when Rome is dying, she is a vicious bitch.  And China is, or has been, one of her little bitch sisters.  Never trust anyone in this dark pit of a world, these days or in the "glory days".

Back on track...  So, I didn't have to reorder that.  Wouldn't have.  But I did cancel one pair of shoes.  What I find odd, now, is when I cancel?  The order gets dropped, there, and then.  I don't have to wait for a week while they try to through the item into some transport stream to avoid cancelation.  And, that, while shipping costs are nosediving.  Then again, I have to guess, with lowering shipping prices, shippers don't want to move items.  No incentive.  Still, it's... new.  And appreciated.  I hated fighting to cancel things.

Kefir was turned over.  I am going down to two jars a day, which is down to two glasses per day.  But that should be enough.  The kefir will be fresher.  I think.  As well, I am trying to modulate how much/many kefir grains are used, so as to slow the ferment.  It is either that, or go to four gallons of milk a week.  I don't want to do that.  Ugh... trying to get just the right amount out, and down, is tricky.  Working on it.

Ah, and I found the instapot for the gift.  Everything I am giving is in.  Actually, I think that is pretty much it.  The freezer will be there, for them, if/when they get a bigger place.  But other than that, and maybe a few housewarming things next month, I am mostly done.  Between Christmas and that extra mortgage, I... am in a bit of a hole.  Not beyond my means, just... needs to be filled as I step out of it.  Could have been worse.  And I still have savings.  So... yeah.  But, still.  Bleh.

Later. 

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So tired.  So very tired.  I'll try to stay up for a while longer?  Meh, I'll just crash for a bit.  I just can't fight it today.  Shrouded in a dark white day.  Cool, perhaps cold really, too.

Awake unusually early?

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The sun came up about 7:30.  Maybe starting around 7:00?  Certainly lightening the sky, a bit.  Heavily overcast, but there is a large difference, even so, between night and day.  Now that I have become used to the muted winterscape, I seem to be noticing.  And, this morning, it gently woke me.  More snow, mostly fluff.  I think I'm a bit snowed in.

A dream, of dark times, but... good ones.  I suppose the government had fallen?  Not sure if it was just an economic collapse, or... a few other things.  It had been that way for years, we learned, locally, just to do it for ourselves.  And, did our best.  No television, though electricity still worked most of the time.  Many things became shadows of themselves, from stores to tire shops, etc.  But they still existed.  Though if the supply chain frustrates you now?  Enjoy the good times.  Months or years to get some things, like new car tires, or batteries, even gas was a bit of a luxury.

Still the world was sorting itself out, trying this and that to make this and that in a different way, and more locally.  It was just tougher, tighter, meaner.  One of those things was raiders.  A few towns got hit.  We figured, before long, the wolves would be at our doors.  People began watching the horizon, and closer still.  For a time, neighbors would sell out.  Became easy to spot, though, when you realized what was happening and who might be doing it.  Those addicted to drugs, alcohol, and wanting a supply... or those who thought they could save their family by helping out.

Our town set up a system of defenses.  Only some knew of it, mostly those directly involved.  We had sniper perches and positions, and long arm positions covering those, and each other.  We even had a few machine gun posts, initially.  But, as we took out invaders, we gained better and better arms.  We became a bandit trap.  What came in, beyond a certain point, never came out.

We became so good, that we would have realtors (yes, still them) bring in what they suspected to be scouts.  If something seemed off, they would let us know.  If they were wrong, no problem.  If they were right, we would make our town look as insecure, blasé about the threats, open to attack, and worth the effort.  The realtor would feed into the line, but not so much... you bait the hook, but you have to add some deniability to entice.

And then we would wait.  We would keep thirty and fifty mile scouting zones... all the access points, public and private, attended by hidden spies.  Every ten miles, or near to that, there would be a hidden outpost, with two spotters, often kids.  If caught, they could just say they were watching for game, or playing games.  Unarmed, with only a radio, and call words which sounded more like a game, than a military op.  Still, out of sight, but you never know.

Most never knew they were being watched, never saw it coming.  We even had communications blackout equipment.  So there was no calling for reinforcement, or sending out information on the traps, posts, etc.  Which really messed up their operation, on top of else.  We had wired communications, at the posts, for when things hit... though rarely used that.

Further, we would be using various methods to trace their communications to any potential base, and triangulate the location(s).  After finishing them off, we would scout those locations.  If mostly women and children, we'd still go in for combat if more allowing of cautious surrender.  If it was mostly posted by men, we would raze it to the ground, allowing none to escape.  As we would with any raiding party.

It was a beautiful, well oiled, bandit killing machine.  Eventually bandits quit.  But, with the women and children from captures, we would partly repopulate certain areas, and set up bandit killing positions, extending our domain.  First ridding Utah of bandit parties, then extending outward.  Trying not to step on the toes of legitimate neighbors.  If they proved good people, and interested, we would help them set up their own defenses.

Eventually, we nearly wiped out banditry in a four state area.  New Mexico and Nevada were... difficult still.  California... fell much quicker than they thought they would, or we.  But... a few multimillionaires and billionaires, with automatic weapons, mercs, and such didn't fair well against the hordes they had welcomed, without police or even a state military to depend on.  Selling out means nothing to those who want it all.

Colorado became iffy, but better.  The northern states seemed to fair better.  More winter raiding parties, for a while, until they realized the futility, and small gains.  Not worth the risk.

The cities were the real hellholes.  People stopped going, and few got out.  No food, or other supplies.  Their anarchists poisoned their own water, their criminal types, which was the majority having shoved faith out and socialism into their schools, meant the few suburbanites didn't stand a chance, but really, as long as they weren't called prejudiced seemed not to care.  Some of them were nuked, by God only knew who.  Not just in the US, but in Europe, Asia, and a few other places.  Limited strikes in cities which had been completely wasted.  Someone was still watching.  Whether they actually cared, or not, or just wanted to play god, is another question.

So much more, but that is enough.  We had a fairly reasonable local, and eventually regional, pseudo protectorate.  Not perfect, but not bad.

------------

Yes, my dreams can be... extended.  Though, lately, until this, my dreams have just been a still picture, or a few moments.  Dropping medicine killed dreams, for a while.  Looks like they are back, or at least their is potential for the epic dreams of past.  Well, on to the day.

Looks like I'm not the only one who will miss the event.

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Ill, he is.  The master of ceremonies.  Coughing up a lung or something.  I sent prayers.  It's... what I can do.  Still, not that I feel better?  But... I feel better.  Or at least in good company.

Not much else going on.

I did call my mom.  Just a short chat.

Most of the last of the packages in.  But, they shied me one of the four boxes of litter, from one of the orders.  I've let them know.  If they won't do me right, usually amazon does.  They, somehow, know I am honest.  I saw the delivery, and was bringing them in before the guy even left, so there is zero chance of porch theft.  There were only seven.  Initially, I didn't know what they were.  Not supposed to be here until the 16th, at the earliest, so was taken by surprise.  But, yes, he either lost one or 'borrowed' one.

Oh, and I had ordered a gift for myself.  But they were being slow on delivery.  Thankfully this time.  When I reviewed the product, I realized it was not what I wanted.  So, I attempted to cancel the order.  surprisingly, it was canceled in minutes.  So, I ordered the item I DID want.  Making absolutely sure that switching size, didn't alter type, of drive.  Up from 1tb ssd turned it into a hhd... hdd?  No, hhd.  And lowered the price.  I was sleepy when I ordered.  Had to pay more, but... no advantage to a larger hard drive if it's just a typical, not ssd, drive.  At least I caught.  Thank God for slow deliveries, sometimes.

Oh, and they delivered the plates I canceled, from... two months ago?  I better go back and check that.  A, they had promised a much lower price, b, I canceled that twice, c, I don't need it.  I had finally ordered two of those at a lower price, if not as low as they had promised on this.  Gotta keep an eye on them, of late.  Still, so far, if you have to wrestle for it, they will, probably, eventually, do you right.  Probably, mostly.  Definitely begrudgingly.

And trash bags.  Was running low on standard size.  And, some are to go to the newlyweds.  Should last them a while.  Now, to find the 6 quart instapot.  I'm keeping the 8 quart, but they only wanted a 6 quart.  A whole pint!  When I found out they had larger ones, there was no going back.  But a 6 quart is all they wanted.  So...  An 8 quart is so much better for bone broth.  And, no matter what they tell you, an instapot or standard food pressure cooker, will do stock in hours, rather than days.  The bones absolutely crumble from it.  So the minerals are well absorbed.

If I can get some things going, I'll also look for the 6 quart.  It was out, online.  So... this would be the only way.  Yeah.  Later.

Couldn't go down until midnight thirty.

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Just waking at 13:30?  Not sure what the problem is, was.  Felt okay, just couldn't sleep, or wake.  Dreamed of being to bed with some woman or other.  Can't remember much.  Didn't dream of sex, but the satisfied clumsy sleepiness that can go with it, and the satisfaction of having a woman right there, with me.  There are times when having a woman around is fantastic.  Especially when she is being quiet?  :p

Sassy woke me.  Meowling her little hungry heart out.  I needed help, to wake.  Told her.  She didn't listen, I could do much else, fell back asleep.  She, eventually, did actually make it up there.  The tactile sense of petting her, scratching behind her ears, and such, helps me wake.  It's just too cool for her?  Anyway, she is what helped me wake.  For it, she got fed straightaway.

I feel rough.  A headache, different from the normal.  I think a stress headache, from sore shoulders and a neck that feels out of place.  And innards feel like I was kicked by a mule, only muted by a week or so of repair.  Still, not in great shape.  I had planned to do something today, but between the aches, pain, late rise, and snow, I won't make it.  Wasn't sure I was truly welcome.  But that wasn't going to stop me.  I best shoot off an email.

I will wake, but try to get dishes clearer.  Probably best hit the freezertop first.  Then hit the dishes.  Hopefully get a shower in after.  That would be a reasonable start to a new week.  Maybe a load of dishes as well.  We'll see.  A kefir to start the day.  Having refreshed all the jars, and rinsed the grains, the kefir is proving to be less grainy.  It is much better, and less bitter, this way, much preferred.

On to my day.  Later.

Finally.

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Something to eat, real food.  Eggs, bacon, and corned beef hash.  I am still using the bacon I cooked some time back.  Of course, wrapped in paper towels, in a big ziploc, in the refrigerator.  I am surprised the bacon is still good.  I do fry it, a bit, to crisp and warm it, plus add a bit of bacon grease to the pan.  Then I add a bit of coconut oil.  It doesn't take much.  Works out wonderfully.

It's nearing bedtime.  I'll turn on the blanket, feed Sassy, check her litter, and possibly rest kefir.  Though, with new jars and washed kefir grains, it may simply not quite be ready.  I'd love to get the dishes, and a shower, even do a load of laundry.  But I'm just not doing well enough.

I may wash the keyboard, again, tonight.  And set it in front of the fan again.  Stupid thing.  It isn't sticking, but it is not working as it should.  I may just have to get a new one.  But... money is short, especially due to having to pay two mortgage payments this month.  It looks like both were paid.  Further, I reset the payment amount next month, a bit higher.  But not using all the cola increase.  None of it.  I'll need to use that to catch up on some things.

I have had expense after expense this month.  From the water heater repairs... parts, tools, and a pump, to the keyboard, wedding things, and a few oddities purchased before I realized two mortgage payments were going to be required.  Well, and it being Christmas.  There were a few gifts that went out.  I may have to pull some money from savings.  It's... just the way it goes.  I'll use the cola to catch up for a few months, then add a bit extra to savings, THEN put it against principal again.

Still, could be worse.  Might become worse.  But... I... have just... a bit of savings, here and there.  Always a mess, or sometimes.  Best get the blanket going, then do a few last things.  Goodnight.

Sleep, a good lot of it.

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I made it to 10:30 before caving, hard.  The bed was warm.  I set it to shut off in an hour, right as I went in.  That gets me warm, and begins cooling so I don't overheat.  Sleep was wonderful, if a little longer than hoped.  Waking at 13:30.  Was hoping for an hour less.  Still, it wasn't an six, ten, or twelve hour sleep.  Which it well could have been.

I tried the compression socks in bed.  Better than regular compression socks.  Almost hospital compression socks, but no heel hole, just above the toes.  Much better for sleeping.  I have another, that is stronger, and truly and open toe, not just a hole in the top, and higher compression.  That may well be good for sleeping and daywear.

I have some others to try.  Different sizes, higher compression, look like men's dress socks.  I suppose I could have tried them on before time ran out for returns.  But I don't mind having variety of sizes and compression strength.  I only wear them a few times a week, and up to now only during the day.  But, with these new options, I can put them on at night if the feet look a bit too swollen.  Didn't do much, last night, but... would they have been worse this morning otherwise?

As well, when I woke, I tried some boots, Keens, which are on a seven day loan.  These are keepers.  I will have to break them in.  The boot body is tight, like skates... ice or roller, or a few other types.  But the toe box is grand.  Not so big they are clown shoes, just enough that I don't have toe compression.  These are keepers.  Of the others I am trying, I probably won't keep them.  Probably.  At most one pair.  The next time I can afford it, in a few months, I will probably buy another pair of these boots, for replacements.  Maybe, in time, two pair.  Same with any other shoe that fits.  That will give me four active pair of shoes, and in time, replacements.  Why buy now?  I'm not sure they will be available next year, or at double the price.  I'm buying what I know I will need, not what I want.

Coffee should be in.  Though, if I remember, and change over to fresh coffee (which is actually cheaper, especially of cold brewed so can be consumed by the cup), These containers will be put into storage, just used by single lots, a few times a year... when money is tight.  Between the rotations, this should last... three or four years?  Maybe.  Maybe longer, if I'm drinking less coffee for that time of the year.  It happens.  Even in winter, sometimes I go more the way of tea.

I also switched out kefir this morning.  Beyond the normal routine, I added the two freshly cleaned fermenting small quart jars in, and gave the kefir grains one last r.o. water cleaning.  I keep thinking it will all wash away, but it doesn't.  Actually, it adds a lot more clarity to the grains, reducing very little volume.  Making them appear much more like what is shown on y.t. vids.  Plus, it seems to... relax the bite.  I am really waiting to try this, after a few days.  Between fresh holding jars, fresh fermenting jars, and rinsed kefir grains, I expect a smoothness I haven't had in my kefir for a while.  From now on, I am hoping to do one of those things every week or two.  I guess, like learning to jump rope, skills and advanced methods, can be added over time.  I truly love kefir.  Oh, best get some.  I have to drink about two quarts a day to keep up on this.  Which... is becoming most of my food.

Ah, checked in with my friend.  Out of town for a bit.  I can... be such a clot.  As I told him, it's good to be an ignorant guy, sometimes.  He agrees, on a part time basis.  Good attitude, if he wants to stay married!  hahaha  Yea, I'm literally chuckling.  Laughing really.

Loving these boots.  And, they will work with heavier or lighter socks, to some degree.  There is enough real flexibility, and room for tightening, to account for that.  I just can't wear the heavy socks in the summer.  Later.

Double bloody nose, and tired.

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Trying to figure out a way to stay awake a little longer.  I really didn't want to take a nap, but... not sure there is much of a choice.  It's more a matter of when, not if.  Probably.  I think the last time I was in this kind of shape, or the time before(?), I was able to work it through.  Both last time and the time before have been in the last few days, so... Still, not exactly sure which was which.

The thing is, if I need a nap?  I should take one before I crash and sleep all day.  No guarantee that is how it would work.  Just, a well timed nap is more likely to be short(er), and sweeter while at it.  Wait to long and the crash is too deep and hard to fit with a regular schedule.

I did take a few painkillers this morning.  And I may take aspirin again, tonight.  The heart is a bit stressed.  I don't think it will get me, it is just... semi-permanently, lately, uncomfortable.  Imagine wearing shoes a size or two too small.  Only, it's your heart in there.  That's... what it's like lately.  The water heater, the doubts and concerns while setting it up, got to me.  Well, the work, a bit, too.

Yeah, I'll just take a nap.  Well.  First I'll turn the electric blanket on.  Then I'll have another kefir, feed Sassy, check her litter... by then the bed should be warm.  Later.

Up.

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Wasn't down until 23:15, give or take a few.  Up at 5:00, if I didn't haul out until more like 5:30.  Why awake so early?  I just can't say.  It doesn't make sense to me.  But I am happy to be awake early, and hoping to stay awake through the day.  No nap if possible.  It might be rough for a few days, until bedtimes match more accurately with waking times and sleep times.  Eight hours is best, usually.  In the summer, six might do, sometimes.  Ten or twelve aren't completely unusual.  Meh.

Teeth brushed, dressed warmly enough to go outside, if not to town.  Longer compression socks, today.  Water is staying off, mostly.  Still, I like to wear various compression socks, from time to time.  If I get a divot in one or both leg, from just wearing socks, compression socks can iron that out, remove or reduce water being held there.

Without medicine, I had feared out-of-control water retention.  But, no.  The pills cause that problem, requiring water pills.  Pills are probably better, if the ones which were the hardest on my organs were water pills.  So, I can't call that, not absolutely.  My heart does... get sore, tired, more often.  Though the medicines artificially controlled the number of beats, so I couldn't overwork.  It's all give or take?

I spilled something on the keyboard, a few days ago.  Strangely, to me, the board was okay, at first.  But, then, became stickier and stickier, on certain keys... q and e.  So, I washed the keyboard last night, and put it near a fan to dry out last night.  The keys that were a problem are fixed.  But, now, other keys are a bit too... difficult.  I'll probably just have to break down and buy a new keyboard.  Though, tonight, when I go to bed, I may give it another wash.  It's down to the comma, now.  And the spacebar?  But they are just slightly tacky.  The q was sticking, the e just took some work to get to print.  Bleh.

Teeth brushed, coffee water heating.  I have to admit, if I could get back to whole coffee beans, and grinding them myself, I would.  I have proved I can use freeze dried.  But I also must admit that isn't preferred.  Like everything else that is freeze dried, there is a cardboard in the stomach sense to it.  I may just put the rest of the freeze dried stuff up for storage.  Not sure how long it's shelf life is, but, to keep it in rotation, I could use my mix once or twice a year, when money gets tight, or getting out becomes difficult.  Yeah, that might be how I do it.  I'll just use up what I have in stock, then try to get fresh once, or better twice, a month.  Probably go back to french press, that or flow-through.  Then again, I was just starting cold brewing.  That was... far more delicious than anything save french press, fresh.  But, far easier to keep up on?  Perhaps a mix of those, depending on my particular abilities on a given day?  Yea.

Hoping to get the freezertop cleared and cleaned, dished reset then finished, and maybe something to eat.  Something a bit more real.  Eggs, bacon, maybe corned beef hash.  That's a lot of carbs, but it's probably all I'll have for today.  Other than a few fatted coffees, a few kefirs, and water... which have very few, and betters sorts of, carbs.

Snowed, an inch?  It's 28, but sort of slushy out there?  Pretty, if... I need to get the plow on the garden tractor.  Getting wetter snow, lately.  Can't complain, too much, as any snow we get is probably a very good thing, especially if it stays around enough for spring.  We'll see.  Need it, desperately.  Or... so we are told.  Do I believe?  I believe almost nothing the news reports.  Can't say they didn't do it to themselves.  So, no.  Who knows what is really going on, other than that we will never be told the truth.  They can't make extra money, in various corrupt ways, if everyone knows.

On to... waking, gaming, and hopefully some work.  Good morning, day, or whatnot.  I forgot to pray last night, to bed to late.  I'll keep you in them this morning... fool or genius, not sure which is worse; priest, pauper, nun, laity, rich, poor... you get the drill.  Some of you by name, Mike, foamy, Jean and family, and some of you others.  Even some of you I don't like.  To your health. 

Someone rang?

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Sort of.  I have... been behind on some things.  I have started to do things, but... just.  A call, a request, an answer.  Well will see.  But, for now, the plan is in motion.  Several plans, to be honest.  I missed some this last week.  Reset what could be reset.  And, now, have another gig in the toaster.  Something like that.

A few things.

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Dinner was made.  It just wasn't tasty.  And I am not hungry.  Leftover pork roast, but just not good.  Fresh veggies, as well not very flavorful, even with butter.  I did enjoy the acorn squash.  Not my favorite, of those.  Preferring butternut and spaghetti, of the types I have tried so far, and recently.  Still, that was the best of the meal.

A few kefirs through the day.  And I reset the kefir.  Pulling two jars to be cleaned, pulling the kefir in the fridge, setting up and starting the washing process on those two jars, putting the one I cleaned yesterday in.  As well, I rinsed the kefir grains with reverse osmosis water while doing the switch.  Actually, I think I cleaned the jars fully, so should be able to switch out the last two old ones tomorrow.  Then I'll get those washed and set up.  Many of my jars have been stolen, I still have some.

I didn't get to the freezer top.  But I did lower the hardness level.  I think it was set to 100, I put it down to 60.  I could lower it more, if needed.  Will see.  I may shut the softener off a few days a week, so I can get unsalted water for Sassy.  Shut it off Thursday, run the water a bit through the day, then refill her large container on Friday, or Saturday, then turn it back on.  

Rather tired, a bit sore... achy.  The heart doesn't feel too bad.  But I might, after three or four days of threatening, get aspirin in tonight.  It really might help.  I'll get the electric blanket going.  Look around the web for a bit, then try to be down within an hour.  Hopefully before 20:00.

Thinking about shaving the beard.  Not sure.  Oh, and... I might not stop blogging, just cut the frequency of posting.  I mean, just leave many of them as drafts, unpublished.  I like writing, it helps me.  Lots of things under consideration.  Sleep namely, aspiring, posting or not, and the beard.  Well, and a sense that health is... going downhill.  Or I'm just winter tired.  Meh.  I honestly think I've got a longer time than most would wager.  So be it.

Later, or most likely goodnight.

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Oh, also checked my mortgage.  It looks like it is paid up, and this month was paid.  And, I'll have to see about finding which office at the state's ag offices I should file a complaint with.  First, I expect no extra interest or else, further, if they charged me, in spite of automatic payment being functional, for a late fee, I want that money back.  Not sure the ag's office will do anything, to be honest.  They work with these companies, and a lot of money goes back and forth.  But, I can try.

Awake, again.

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Went down around 3:30, give or take ten.  Slept well.  The hour limit as I go to sleep is good.  If just starting to bed, perhaps longer.  But going back to bed, this works.  Especially if I became too hot while sleeping and had to cool off.  Then I am susceptible to getting too hot, again.

With the drafts tended, I am able to handle 60 F, in this front room.  Took a bit to get used to.  The main areas are 68 to 70, so very easy to handle if I can handle this.  Layering helps.  Having area that is warm, if this cooler area gets to me is good.  Socks and shoes, every day.  Might seem common sense to you, but before medicine, dressing was difficult.

Perhaps the assistances has helped on a pseudo, milder, permanent manner?  Can't be sure.  Or, maybe, I allowed me to develop some habits which are remaining?  Can't be certain.  I do know I pushed beyond my limits, and am suffering it.  Usually that would mean I would be out of it for a few weeks.  Especially when it is colder, hotter, darker, or with excessive amounts of daylight, anything unusual or extreme would add to me being down.  And it has been dark since I finished the work.  Cloudy, overcast.  Though, today, it is 37.  Everything is thawing.  Not that 37 is hot, but compared to the single digits?  Yea, it's... darned near spring out there.

Up at noon.  So nearly a full night of sleep after sleeping a bit earlier.  Couldn't get back to sleep, if too was trying to do chores.  Well, no trying.  I DID do chores.  Not all that I had thought to do.  But a nice chunk of them, and a shower aside.  The goal is to get to bed by 20:00.  Earlier if possible.  Though, for at least the next few nights, I'll shut the electric blanket down to just an hour.  See if that helps.

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A dream.  People were becoming terribly violent.  Sort of like going zombie.  An infection?  Can't rightly say.  After a time, I began to notice they would become a subtle shade of yellow, before they changed.  Then a light and darkening shade of red when they had changed.  While yellow, getting emotional would increase the speed of the conversion.

Once they went red, they were gone.  No longer human, and no way back naturally.  Science had lost.  Then they became rage filled creatures.  Recognizing none.  I'm not sure if they actually ate brains, or anything else.  Only that they would kill anyone not red, or who didn't turn from yellow to red fast enough while they attacked them.

Now, those who were already yellow, had become resistant to pain, injury, which would buy them from a little more time to a lot more time.  But, oddly, they wouldn't resist.  Then again, I never saw someone who was yellow become normal again, either.  It was only a matter of time.

I traveled around.  There was about fifteen percent immunity.  I must have been one of them.  A lot of people simply weren't good at survival, or weren't willing to kill those attacking them, or simply didn't want to live without creature comforts.  The rich were much more likely to commit suicide.  But those, isolated for too long, also seemed to go. 

I did find some limits to them.  They couldn't climb, they would forget about someone out of their reach, if they remained still and quiet for a few hours.  They couldn't, or wouldn't swim.  Very poor mechanical coordination, they just, I don't think, could swing their arms in such a way as to stay above the water.  And, they weren't, strictly speaking, undead.  For if you, say, pushed them in a pool, and the water was over their head, they would drown.  What was worse, is when they died, they would return to their living normal selves.  Their permanent scowl, and gimped bone and muscles form would revert back to before they fell ill, or whatever it was.  It was heartbreaking to see.

Well, and they didn't know their limits.  Getting them up on a scaffold, or into a deep pool, would all but guarantee their deaths.  Limited intelligence.  None remembered other people, or things they used to know.  There was no talking to them.  Not sure what, or if, they even ate.  Never saw them eat their victims though.  Just... killed them and left them.

Oh, but while yellow?  Especially if you saw them start to get agitated, meaning they were about to turn?  If you gave them a small task, as if it was terribly urgent, that would delay their turning.  Delay long enough for you to escape.  I keep a bunch of chunks of chalk, chalkboard chalk, in a small bag.  I would call them over, as if they were all in on conspiracy.  And tell them to mark the areas which might be dangerous if a red got in.  Implore them to hurry.  This would buy me five to ten minutes, as they had to think, and their thinking was slowing.

If, for example, I went into a restaurant.  And they seemed normal at first.  But by being in there, the waitresses started becoming stressed and turning yellow, or getting nearly to red just by me entering, I would do that.  And then hightail it.  At least five minutes.  It might even keep them from turning red for a much longer time, with me gone and them having a task to hold onto.  I watched, from a distance, on a roof, several times.  Climbing was a very good way to escape them, and their notice.  They almost never looked up, and seeing me up somewhere neither irritated nor seemed to make sense to them.

I kept on the move, easily finding food, and fuel for a while.  After a year, vehicles just wouldn't run on the fuel I could find.  Electricity was hit or miss.  EVs were out, as the only thing that would definitely run them were generators, which would enrage every critter in a five mile area, or it sure seemed like it.  Though, if you wanted to slip out, a generator would get them to collect, until they could smash it.  But, up on a roof, it would just call them into a herd, until it ran out of gas.

That was one of the worst dreams.  While I could easily live, and could handle it, It was often worse than lonely.  Every woman I would find, and try to set up home with, would turn.  I began to wonder if, while I was immune, some of us were super spreaders, could infect even the nominally immune.  Or immunity was random?  Some permanent, some just longer than others.  Made me nervous about meeting others though.

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Today?  I am hoping to get the freezertop cleared and cleaned, then finish the dishes.  Get another shower, perhaps... and lower the hardness setting on the softener before that.  I keep forgetting to get painpills in.  Mostly just want to add aspirin to my diet, for a few days.  It will help with the pain, but hopefully will help more with the heart.  Well, and make something to eat.  Later.

I got to some of it.

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Dishes given a swipe, drained, and then a shower.  Oh, so very nice.  It's been a few days.  Didn't have hot water.  Then didn't have energy.  Nice.

Dishes have been stacked back in, set to a rinse.  I think that should be it.  I'd like to let the hair dry an half hour anyway.  Then go on up to bed.

I didn't get to the freezertop.  I'm... done.  Was glad to get done what was done.  I'll reset the electric blanket.  Then, when I go, limit it to an hour.

I'll take aspirin, too, before sleep.  Just in case.  The heart is still rather tired.  I don't... like that sensation.  Not sure aspirin will help, if that pops.  I live alone, I will die alone.

Found one jar, to change out tomorrow... a smaller, quart, jar.  Just one.  I guess I'll have to cycle them through.  As well, I could rinse the kefir grains as I cycle through a jar a day.  Not perfect, but it will do.  Oh, I could check the refrigerated kefir, see if that is ready to harvest?  Or at least turn over?  Though I may just turn it over, and use it to help switch to new, clean, jars, more quickly.

Sleep will be better, having showered.  Between simply showering every other day (usually), and flipping and changing mattresses every week, making the bed every few days, and stripping and remaking the bedding at least three times a week?  Usually... I am living much better.  I can't keep up with all of it, but I do keep up on that.

Goodnight.  Yes, I said I would be slowing, then quitting, blogging.  And, I will, in time.