Actually? I can fast!

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I was so used to fasting until evening, using the last six hours for eating, that other options didn't show on radar.  As I was thinking things through I realized I could just put the six hour eating window when it would allow me to eat, not work on too full or empty of a stomach, and still possibly have time for a later snack or meal.  As well, initially, with fasting, I do overeat.  As long as I keep feeding to the alloted time that takes care of itself.  Fasting has begun.  Further, if I eventually decide to make it later, no problem.  Earlier?  Sure, if I don't mind skipping an extra day or three.  Back at it, with lunch to early dinner as the possible feed time zone.

I really need this.  Blood sugar was rather jacked.  I am hoping it was just sweets at Thanksgiving and a rare splurge of crackers and chili... shouldn't used so much canned food at once.  I also worry about Sucra Drops, an artificial sweetener.  Good, though as even with meat there is too much.  The level dropped a fifth from yesterday to fasting testing this morning, and back to closer to (non-fasting) normals.  I was so close to 100, I think 115 or 125, and falling, before potassium crashed.  Yes, on potassium and else, plus not waterlogged.  I think I can make it, get my health back... mostly.  The heart is broken, I think that is the way of it.  But it won't kill me on meds, especially with the rest controlled or simply healed.

Damn straight I'll keep trying.  God has given me great gifts, bounteous faith, chance after opportunity, and forgiveness beyond what I thought possible.  Won't spit in His face.  Plus?  I... rather enjoy.  Sometimes the pain, from many sources, is a bit much.  When I remember His suffering, and who, in part even to a dog, it was for?  If I turn it in He takes it, gratefully somehow.  My pain is managed.  You really have no clue.  Anyway, I'll do my part in thanks and joy, even when it just hurts.

Good night.

Blah.

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I did get the mower assembly of.  The example must have been a smaller one.  This one had nearly twice the number of pins, was four by two feet and weighs in north of #100.  I did take the two belt covers off in order to clean the top off, then used a screwdriver to loosen dried grass.  There wasn't much to clean, it was mostly fiddling and learning.  The blades need sharpened, badly. I may see if the bastard file will do.  Banged up hard though.  May have to adjust some things.

That was it.  As things are I am surprised I got to that.  With that off, installing all else should be straight shots.  Not necessarily easy, just not as mechanically complicated.  I also cleared a new, better, place to park it, at least for winter use.  If rhubarb pops naturally next year, I may keep it there.  It's nearly a two-side-closed covered shed.  A bit of plywood would keep it fully shaded.

She needs oil.  I didn't find anything about using a winter grade oil.  As well, I don't yet know how to change the oil.  More to learn and do, hopefully before it gets nasty cold, wet or snowy.  I am getting there.  Later or good night.

We'll see.

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She has been pulled around.  She was completely out of gas, which is right as she was rigged.  Unless a plow or snowblower is installed burnig the gas of is better for the system.  She needs to cool off.  While cooling, finding the manual and searching for videos seemed right.  The printed manual was were it was believed to be.  I did find videos, just not for the installs.  The first is how to remove the deck.  That shoul be a snap.  I'll check the oil while at things.  Might want to change to a winter oil?  Another thing to check.  Every last syllable?  Yeah.  Shortcuts are for emergencies only , then done or at least overseen by a solid in that field.  I am a noob and this isn't an emergency.

Late, good.

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It's been an hour and something since waking, two when I finish this.  Truly exhausted yesterday which made getting to bed difficult.  Odd how that can happen.  Awake late, only when compared to the time I woke yesterday.  I slept about eight hours, which is a lot less than the recent norm, if a good thing.  The sun was out for a bit, which helps.

Already dressed, in work clothes.  While still waking, I am hoping to put the new parts on the lawntractor.  I would like to do it myself, not certain that goal is practical.  The plow is attached by a bracket, as is the counter-weight.  I believe the mower deck has to at least be loosened for the plow bracket, but not the rear weight bracket.  The manual for the mower is online... but wait, I think they printed it out for me.  I think I know where it should be.

The manual won't show me how to install anything but it should show how to remove the deck, and how to set things up that way.  I am hoping instructions for the rest is included with each part, if tire chains should be self-explanatory?  Doing it on my own depends on weight, angles, and such.  I think I have several jacks, mounts and such, but for large vehicles.  Jerry-rigging can work, it can also really mess things up.  I have looked for videos for any of it online.  If it is there I can't find it.  Bleh!

I also may have found part of the health problem.  Though maybe not.  I'll be monitoring closely this next week.  Fasting may have to be forced in.  Eighteen hour (daily) fasting first, every day, three day fasting if that isn't cutting it or fast enough.  I've been meaning to get back to it, there is strong reason for it now.  Later.

Trickster.

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Which tribe, people?  The topic was broached recently.  Coyote was the focus, though it may well have been the raven, Woden, or the one... not neo by the way.  A few old and a new video, were collected for presentation, more for my sake. I don't think videos are watched.  Not a concern.

So tired.

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Sleep was good, long enough too.  I've been dreaming a great deal.  The cats have been allowed to sleep with me which usually forces me to sleep more restfully.  Even so, even with the bed being made daily, I am having to completely redo everything.  It's as if war is happening.  Strangely enough the girls don't abandon the area.  I have no idea what, how, that works.  It would be like finding cats in a freshly shelled field, napping in a new crater.  The mess explains why I am tired, the dreams give clues as well.  War.

I wasn't sure if the post office would be open today.  I was having trouble getting going and maintaining focus.  Deciding whether to go added to time almost slipping.  Tired of just letting life happen I decided to attempt pushing through.  Even if it was closed I would have willed action and gotten out.  Can't lose that way even if the venture wasn't fulfilled.  Turns out the post was open.  I received packages, one of which must have been on the edge of timing out, being returned.  All good.

Still on the edge of oblivion.  No real worries, I won't be dying, very possibly in your lifetime.  And suffering... has allowed both access to wisdom, at least to see and appreciate it, and to know joy as few may.  My story is far from finished.  Oh, I like the story of Job, even if we know the ending... is the only part not true.  I suspect he did live quite a long and faithful life after his fall, but alone and sickly.  God tended his basic needs, his wounds of all sorts, no more.

I'll do what I may today.  I think, after the post visit which itself was a surprise, sitting upright for the remainder of the day will be a test.  Reading, gaming, music, whatever works.  Later or much later.

Happy Thanksgiving, part two.

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Two Thanksgiving wellwishes can't be all bad.  I woke a bit later than hoped, am moving slower, in spite of going to bed earlier.  It's medicine and weather, being off then on the one.  Ugh.  All good.  I'll get things figured out shortly if I can keep up on meds... difficult in this season.

The chili was rather good.  I kept the heat at a solid spice but not overpowering, for me. Most of you shouldn't try it.  Not sure, but it might make you ill.  I have heard of death, but I don't think at this level.  I added cinnamon and allspice, which while not 'explosive' themselves add shape to the charge.  A few other herbs/spices that I prefer.  Not perfect just very good.  Something(s) is missing.  I am too out of practice to recognize the problem.  It will do.

My mother already called, left a message.  As per her request I listened to her message first.  As is usual I needn't have.  Moms are such women.  Bah!  Wished her a good day, asked about her plans, and didn't tell her women are dorks when she asked if I listened to her message first.  I just said yes, not even followed by a tonally challenging "mother", dragged out for effect.  When men act like that, at best they are considered nerds of the type to not associate unless absolutely required, though women can get relegated there if it is too often or serious... except moms.  They seem to mostly get a pass.  Double Bah!

Heat is up.  A shower is about to happen.  I should be easily ready and on time.  Can't recall the exact time, woke from a nap to be invited.  I'll do my best.  Hope your day is a good one.

A few memories, as with other things and people, in new forms.

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Nothing done, other than the shower, practice run, making chili, and meds.  Couldn't game or read much.  I think it's medicine, it can do that.  All good.  Strange versions of old tunes wafted first before my eyes then to my ears.  There was something softly right about them, good for Thanksgiving Eve.  Well, and an recurring one with some soft but strong bite. Enjoy as you will.

If you recognized one of the men who physically nailed Christ to the cross?  Believe it or else , I am certain Jesus would disabuse you of harming the actors or doing more than repelling the source.  Sometimes no punishment, given enough wisdom, is the greater punishment.  That would take lifetimes though.

Better a day early?

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If so, then I was in like flint.  Flint, if you are even older than me.  Geezer.  ;p  No, not a memory issue.  I simply wrongly attached today, Wednesday, with Thanksgiving, and then never verified.  I did call my mother.  She didn't answer or she might have set it right, though some do celebrate early, to have a local celebration before going to a bigger or distant one.  Life is messy, not at all simple, well regulated, or standard.  Right when I have thought so I have been learned.  Today being a mild lesson.  One even I may enjoy, even while fresh.  Mostly.

Tomorrow, I am told.  I... probably did blush, this time for a sort of simple shame.  If it's the worst faux pas, or perceived one, of the week, though, I am good with it.  "Mom, it's the ogre, he looks hungry."  Just sharing out a potential chuckle at my expense.

Happy Thanksging.

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I have been invited to a meal.  This time I have been tasked with a small provision, which is a good thing.  While not truly needed, in absolute truth, it creates a perception of need, which bolsters the will over the net drag of life, fear of the social, or just lethargy.  It's good to at least have a... purpose?  Not always required, probably.  All is set.  Had to run to town yesterday, but needed to go anyway.  Hadn't been able to go for my own purposes, so a bonus.  External forces when internal won't do, if it's all a trick, gimmick.  None of it works well, every time.  But this worked this time.

Now for a shower, with time to fully dry before going.  So dark again this morning.  I shaved yesterday, with the quad, so I am still good that way.  Oh, not shaving in a hurry, taking care with angles and plainbreaks, and a few other tricks learned with the simple twin blade, left my face mostly intact.  It was no worse than when learning the double blade itself, just a nick at each corner of the mouth, but it does clean whiskers much better.  If you don't  mind a learning curve and prefer a very close shave, this might be for you.  Still hoping to learn to sharpen an actual straight razor well enough to replace this.  At least I am to this point.

I hope your day of graces finds you in good company, well fed, and thankful, or at least comfortable enough, maybe oblivious as needed.  Been there, done that, too.  Amen.

Raining and so very dark.

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I actually woke an hour ago.  I was certain my body was sending my mind the wrong message.  Sleep was attempted over and over, reawakening about every fifteen minutes, until I surrendered my warm soft bed, which is actually uncomfortable to be in when not sleeping.  I have been needing twelve hours a night, just exactly half that last night, though with the nap.  So dark, cool, didn't want to get up, but when my body is done it is done.

My mother called.  She is going to have her wisdom teeth removed, no choice.  They are so messed up it will be surgical, and her jaw bone is fragile.  Which means it will probably be broken in the process.  A month down, all liquids, no straw, not even her vape (e-cigarette), no talking.  I wasn't the first to... comment on the last.  Might be terrible but I am in good company!  The whole notion seems ghoulish to me.  But it does have to be done.  It was on my mind all night, in a sympathetic not empathetic way thankfully.  My empathy can run a little deep at times, if it's not always a choice.

A dream of being an ancient water beast, deep in some lake or fjord.  Such a strange thing.  I sensed that deep underwater has similaities with deep space, with my mind.  Through that, and with it's mind, in the dream it was suggested that it's mind believed it did have kin in deep space.  One word from it's mind to mine, leviathan.  They are returning.  I ought to see if in the bible or various other tomes that is ever suggested.  Curious now.  I got the impression the return wasn't a good thing.

Later.

Bah!

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Lost track of time.  Never fully woke after napping, so dark.  A load of laundry is going, I might yet get a shower, if so dishes will be set to soak overnight.  A load of dry laundry has been mostly dealt with, just needing to be stowed.  While messing with it, I realized that sheet set doesn't have enough pillow cases.  I suppose they don't have to all match.  But if I can make that happen I will.  So, off to e-shopping.  Can't buy currently, can put stuff in the basket.  The exact cases aren't available but a duplicate pattern from a competitor will, hopefully, work.  Never can tell online, or in a store actually.  I must remember, when buying sets, to get the extras right then, colors and even companies, seem to come and go amazingly quickly.

Something else I have to purchase is dress shoes.  I have several.  Some are now way too big, some are way to uncomfortable.  If it was just comfort?  Yes, even then I would be in the market.  But it is more.  Blisters and cuts on my feet just won't do.  I am looking at attachable pads as well.  Not all problems have solutions.  This one should.  I... need to find a... place.  Dress shoes are required.

As to reading.  I have some number of books on my device.  I was reading well for a bit, then bit off a too much with Dante's Comedies.  I finished, but it killed interest in reading for a bit.  I went for an author, and series, new to me, "Chosen One", by Francis W. Porretto.  The author was an engineer, is Catholic, and a fellow blogger who was once linked here.  Can't remember what happened, still, curious.  The other book is something someone recently generally recommended.  It is titled "The Imitation of Christ", by Thomas A. Kempts.  No, not some mockery or fiction, more of a guide toward the divine.  It couldn't hurt, for this fool.  I really think those who just do their best without truly exploring what that means are in for rough times.  No one can save you.  The way is open but you must bear your cross.  You will either way, mind you.  I suppose it is bearing your cross humbly, with grace, in right sacrifice?  I keep looking, this book, along with a bible study, will help.

A roast beef, mustard, and horseradish sandwich or two first.  Maybe salad if it is still good.  And a glass of kefir?  Sure.

I'll, perhaps, put out reviews, in time.  The goal is a couple hours of reading a day.  Usually I have been hitting that.  Might need to extend that in order to fit a bible review in with that.  Later?  No, good night.

Hard nap.

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So dark when I woke, znd the slumber was so deep, I thought it was a morning wake.  I fumbled for the alarm.  It was too dark to simply see it.  I was confused by the time shown.  I often bump the alarm button, then have to wait for the real time to show, but this wasn't that time.  I mus t have needed it.  Actually I don't think it was too long.  This one clock remains set to before the fall back incident of fall '17.

A bit of waking and I could be up to some work.  The nap certainly helped emotional state and nerves along with simple exhaustion.  Oh, and I see I fell off meds.  Can't tell since I am not getting water logged, and with heavier doses of sleep confusing things further.  I'll just restart at full speed.  My feet are down from an uncomfortable 14 to an extremely thin 11 1/2 - 12.  My 13 steel-toe sneakers fit like galoshes, even with my heaviest wool socks and liner socks.  Crazy.

First to wake the body, put in a load of laundry.  A shower when the washer is finished, then set a load of dishes to soak.  Another load of laundry then on to... something or other pertaining to the sitting room.  I have a cabinet for blurays, dvds, cds, and games as well.  Ugh.  If I like this one I may purchase another.  Yeah, but I already have it, either put it up or toss.  I'll go over my reading pile soon.

Later.

Nothing going.

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A nap is required without any physical reason.  It is dark out there, and just at freezing.  I did finish two pieces of pork on the grill, and an already baked potato.  I wasn't sure if any of it would work.  Perfect.  Letting it burn for 15, closing the lid for five, then placing the food right down just above the coals, giving it five minutes each side, and all finished as well as could be hoped.  While the clotted cream is creamy, it is much mider than regular butter.  Better for fresh breads and pastry, if I were to suggest... which I just did.  The nap is tugging at cohesive thought.

A shower, work either in the sitting room or extricating the loveseat, then making chili?  Something along those lines, if possible.  After a nap.  And more reading.  I'll describe some of the material I finally getting through.  I'll never catch up on my reading.  There are more of even the true and good books and so little time, capacity to read, and else.  I'll keep at it.  Later.

So cold?

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While at times true, in some cases it doesn't make sense.  While I have, memories, small hopes, and dreams, all know the latter are just that, some strange properties or storytelling ability, none of that... affects any who do not enter.  Step into a man's mind, any man, at your own risk.  Even so, it is not cold.  It isn't the intention. The fire drains so excruciatingly slowly, nothing more.  Some doors are shut, that has to be made clear as well.

The goal is to be as publicly quiet, physically unobtrusive, out of peoples hair, as possible until my time is spent.  I didn't mention, but I stopped hiking because I frightened people on the path.  Salutations, avoidance, giving the greatest berth possible, it just didn't matter.  Just passing time, mostly alone.  Do you think I couldn't chase?  Do you honestly think I am that weak, stupid, incapable?  I have seen no reciprocal interest so I returned the  favor.  It is how it is done, anything else is stalking.

I just don't get it.  It reminds me of the one who was too young, and a year older than me.  I did the right thing, ending it before making her pregnant while we were still in school, and being despised for it.  I still don't get that, then or now.  If you can't deal with slow death, fevered notions, some good and horrible memories, and the rest here, go away and never come back.  I have enough suffering and loneliness as is.  Keep your problems to yourself.  Any resemblances to real life may in fact be such, sometimes mixed with echoes of various shades, hues, of memories, not all, not many, pleasant.  And the future is guaranteed to go dark, usually becoming damn near intolerable, as are many of my days.

Leave.  Go.  This isn't a comfortable place.  Then again what life, what skin, is.  Not here, not yet.  Stay away if you can't take bumps.  If I see opportunity I might take it.  If I can do I might.  If the way is well barred and I am unwelcome I will not draw near.  That isn't cold.  Perhaps some know or don't in opposition to my take?  My take seems correct far more often.  I DO see.  Never mind the more, just trouble me no more.

Music with which to sleep?

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Maybe.  I'll take them.  They... were already in the queue, if... you were curious.

Several notes about clotted cream.

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As to chilling for twenty four hours?  Perhaps that might make it better, if I am not quite sure how.  I needed something butterlike today.  Potatoes simply don't work well with else.  After a test I believed the matter settled, almost.  Better cream used to be used to for unsalted butter.  Or so it was said.  I suspect, while there may be truth in that, as much as animals, including the human animal, like salt, when people found salted butter they never went back, for raw uses.  The secular pilgrims and other totalitarians need not apply.

Unsalted butter became a cooking ingredient.  As with butter so clotted cream, it needed and received salt.  I went a bit on the shy side, just almost enough, so adding salt to the baked potatoes wasn't excessive.  I am simply to normalized on salted butter.  The thing with salting?  It requires mixing, which means I couldn't keep it in it's rustic state.  Even so, the solids mixed to more a whipped butter than standard butter.  Adding honey, or a homemade preserve would really add an extra touch.  It' easy enough for an ogre well past his time.  Not every time, sometime I will just want the heavy cream.  But now I know.  The butter cream from the process might be good for baking, but I have to believe the cultures are gone, so it won't work to make creme fraiche.  I'll research, if possible.  I thought about adding salt to the cream, working up an amount standard.  I just wonder if that would mess up the buttermilk?  I'll... think, research.

Morning notes.

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Bedtime was correct.  Even getting the clotted cream going and fussing with my version of creme fraiche, which took two days out, if finding warmth, even with the heat up, is a trick.  Fresh bedding, a made bed, a clean body, and work (whatever you really can do, then some) is the recipe for good sleep.  I still use the fan at night, with no direct heat in that room, turning the fan off if I wake a bit too cool inthe early morning.

Everything worked.  The bed has been made.  The clotted cream turned out as expected, as far as appearances can tell.  It has already been cooled, wrapped, and refrigerated.  The threequarter quart terrine I bought a few years back was perfect, though I realy should try a pate before long.  I'll check the pseudo creme fraiche in a bit, it just isn't thickening as it has/should.  It'll still work for some things but not all.  I suppose I could blend it with standard sour cream, but that... sort of ruins the notion.  I'll... contemplate on the tree of woe.  I am using active kefir instead of active buttermilk, but that should make it thicker!?!  Tree. of. woe.