So cold?

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While at times true, in some cases it doesn't make sense.  While I have, memories, small hopes, and dreams, all know the latter are just that, some strange properties or storytelling ability, none of that... affects any who do not enter.  Step into a man's mind, any man, at your own risk.  Even so, it is not cold.  It isn't the intention. The fire drains so excruciatingly slowly, nothing more.  Some doors are shut, that has to be made clear as well.

The goal is to be as publicly quiet, physically unobtrusive, out of peoples hair, as possible until my time is spent.  I didn't mention, but I stopped hiking because I frightened people on the path.  Salutations, avoidance, giving the greatest berth possible, it just didn't matter.  Just passing time, mostly alone.  Do you think I couldn't chase?  Do you honestly think I am that weak, stupid, incapable?  I have seen no reciprocal interest so I returned the  favor.  It is how it is done, anything else is stalking.

I just don't get it.  It reminds me of the one who was too young, and a year older than me.  I did the right thing, ending it before making her pregnant while we were still in school, and being despised for it.  I still don't get that, then or now.  If you can't deal with slow death, fevered notions, some good and horrible memories, and the rest here, go away and never come back.  I have enough suffering and loneliness as is.  Keep your problems to yourself.  Any resemblances to real life may in fact be such, sometimes mixed with echoes of various shades, hues, of memories, not all, not many, pleasant.  And the future is guaranteed to go dark, usually becoming damn near intolerable, as are many of my days.

Leave.  Go.  This isn't a comfortable place.  Then again what life, what skin, is.  Not here, not yet.  Stay away if you can't take bumps.  If I see opportunity I might take it.  If I can do I might.  If the way is well barred and I am unwelcome I will not draw near.  That isn't cold.  Perhaps some know or don't in opposition to my take?  My take seems correct far more often.  I DO see.  Never mind the more, just trouble me no more.


Don't mistake blushes of anger for blushes of shame, pro-tip.