Just sitting.

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Very tired.  Nothing hurts, if I am still rather numb.  Cats and ducks have been tended, twice.  Cat litter desperately needs changing.  But treats are back in stock.  The ducks have plenty of food and their water was still good.  I will change their water, hopefully before dark.

The grill is going.  Chicken hindquarters and a bit of beef.  Later, I am hoping to make cabbage.  I haven't been eating right, and it shows.  Not enough, not enough fiber.  I will fix that.  A gift, if I can get dishes done and the stove and oven clear and clean, is corned beef, cabbage, and red potatoes.  Otherwise I will skip the potatoes.

Have you ever realized, if you were nice to someone, giving them the food, drink, and any other excess they might want, you would kill them.  Just a thought.

Except cats.  Mostly.  ;p

I was going to take a nap.  Thankfully I remembered the grill was lit.  No real danger, just a waste.  And while not truly hungry, a keto thing, food sounds good.  It just does.  I blood sugar is rather high, after breakfast and a dose.  My guess is the cheese, a blueberry stilton.  It tasted sweet, must have added sugar.  Usually I check, things get through one way or another, from time to time.  No major hiccup, I was careful because it seemed too sweet.  It'll take a day or two, but shouldn't be too bad.  Time to flip food.  Later.

Wrecked.

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Oh, well, I made it up and back in spite of all.  What all?  Two hours of sleep in the forty eight before, then the rest.

I had started the waterpills, but not potassium.  With potassium out swelling still high even if comparably better, and bp predictably sky high, I was sent... escorted... to the emergency room... over my mild rebuffs.  In went potassium, magnesium, bp stuff, and some others.  An ekg and chest x-ray were administered.  And I was there until after 14:00.

I... napped between visitors and procedures.  Surprised I could wake without much fuss.  Adrenaline, around strangers, is potent in me.  I can't be more certain about when I was let out.  Closer to, slightly before, or a bit after, 14:00?  I don't know how long the drive home was.  I was able to shop cat supplies but not groceries after.

When I returned home, I planned blogging and gaming, to come down.  No dice.  I was lucky to get things in from the car.  I did feed and water furry and feathered friends, get purchases and travel gear in.  Oh, and noted someone had stolen a quarter of the gas from my car at the V.A. parking garage.

At some point, before falling out of my chair, I made it to bed.  It's a... strange morning.  I can feel nothing, barely think, as foggy of mind as it is out doors.  I'll... try to get going.  Blood sugar is 143 fasting.  Still trending lower, other than the anomaly of yesterday's sleepless reading.

Today?  I... have no idea.  Hopefully something.

A hard, good, start.

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I wasn't sure it was possible.  I have had to mess my sleep up something awful to get out.  Actually to be awake yesterday.  It has carried over since.  Little sleep yesterday night, none last night.

Doing okay.  Headache, just a touch of nausea, the rest is numb.  I had cold tea in a thermos ready to go.  I also made fresh hot tea for warm fatted drinks for the drive.  It is difficult to eat, but I must.

The trip was easy.  The roads clear and fast.  What often takes two to three hours took just a wee over an hour.  Okay, nearly two, but still.  Now, I wasn't speeding... abnormally.  It was amazing.  interstate highways are grand when open.  Still, that leaves me her way too early!

Blood work is done.  Not sure if processing is open yet, or will get to it in time.  But there is a reasonable chance that labs will be ready in clinic. ...  Almost two hours early?  Bah.  If I hadn't left early I guarantee I would have been late.

Blood sugar was 136 fasting.  But no sleep messes all such things up.  Difficult to know.  I didn't feed the girls before leaving.  A half day of fasting a week keeps them thinking.  But I did get the duckles fresh water.  They could have opened the water, but it was well used and very cold.  They had plenty of food

I would love to nap, but that... wouldn't work out.  Or... am I home, dreaming this?  Imagine writing a post while technically not awake.  Insomnia..  Later.

Nothing fancy.

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Battery and a reasonably flexible charger are on the way.  Extra was spent for a faster delivery... for the battery.  The charger was prime, so Monday if weather holds.  It should work for just about any battery for vehicles and solar types, if limited to 12 volt.  It doesn't store energy, it has to be plugged in.  Those die fairly quickly.  If you don't use those frequently, like weekly, skip those, get jumpers.

As to weather, it is staying just below freezing, with a ten percent chance of precip.  Terrifying to not be sure.  It's a long stretch where anything can and maybe has happened.  Still, unless I walk out and see ice, or hear warnings, I am planning a go.  I need to shower, then crash for a while.

The ducks got their second watering.  And they needed it?  Perhaps not.  If the ice is thin, they can open it.  I've seen them open nearly an inch of ice.  They prefer fresh, warmer, water.  I do my best.  I usually close the door too.  I think I left it, will close it shortly.  I do my best.

I'd best get to it.  Sleep has been torn up in my effort to make appointments.  It just has to be done sometimes.  I need to do grocery shopping too.  Cat stuff, my food... I still have the list from before.  Some of it that was bought has been used already.  I'll take the list, just in case.

Blood sugar, if again trending lower, was still a bit higher fasting.  But the one after meal read was 115.  Not perfect, not bad.  Averages are running much higher, but mostly because I am having high fasting reads but only doing one after meal read.  Still, I'd lay dollars to dimes my a1c is vastly improved, perhaps in the higher 5.xx range.

Later, or good night most probably.  Sweet dreams.

An early afternoon rise.

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I had it in my mind to wake early enough to investigate a battery.  I can get one by the 16th for $64, or the 10th for $78, if memory serves.  I am checking with someone local.  As well,  I found a charger for it.  Not sure if I need Club Cadet brand, will compare.  Maybe there are better all around chargers, with trickle etc?  Yeah.

Will be trying to charge this one until the other arrives.  Could end up with two batteries, though this one is probably at the end of it's life.  ~  News... no battery locally.  If I want one, I have to order.  Now or..?

As to weather.  Good news and bad, really bad, news.  It isn't snowing!  It is sprinkling.  Boo... hiss.  If it is light, short, and they can keep up on it, cool.  If not...  ice.  I won't play out there with any ice, even with the Xterra.  Not good.  Oh, but battery... should I order or wait?  No, best to order.  Bleh.

Later.

Well...

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The neighbor stopped by, with his other neighbor's snow removal system.  It has a snowblower.  After opening up the drive, he checked mine.  There was gas in it.  Half a tank.  So that wasn't it.  There were dummy warning lights.  But the oil was good, and battery was putting out 12v, at least until someone kept on it.

Not sure what to do.  Hopefully no more snow or I will have to cancel the next appointments.

A nap in a bit.  Then a shower, shave and back to dishes.  I can't seem to eat.

Later.

Not my fault.

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An appointment this morning.  For it, wrestling with sleep.  Too little but some, this time.  A struggle waking, but up in time to shower, shave, have some sitting rest, and get there with time to spare.  Except... snow... three inches?  Perhaps the plow would knock it out in time?  No gas!  Could I shovel out?

I gave it a good shot but got smacked down so hard after a fifth of it I am sitting without choice.  If I had to the afternoon, maybe... but no guarantee even then.  I can't even find my big gas can.  I... did what I could.  I will try to reschedule.  Hell of a lot of effort first thing.  Too much.  Well, not dead, yet, for it.  Maybe next time.

I did what I could, and it wasn't bad.  It just wasn't even close.

Ducks have been tended, cats will be shortly.  Fresh tea is brewing.  Blood sugar is 159 fasting.  I suppose I will just work in the house.  Bleh.  I even washed clothes so they would be fresh, for certain, through the night.  *sigh*  Not a bad effort, simply an unsuccessful one.  Effort alone is not enough in the real world.  Later.

Cooking tech.

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While I don't cook as often, I still like to cook.  Since figuring out how to use stainless and cast, and why high carbon pans don't work so abandoning those with aluminum and non-stick pans, I have been experimenting with utensils.  One sort of traditional spatula has come out on top, but the rest are chinese/wok utensils.

Finding decent utensils that don't have huge handles, cost far too much, and hold up to gorilla strength use at times, in traditional European shapes, has proven futile.  Gladly, in some sense.  Those things drove me to go where few gweilo go.  And while they can stick their crude chopsticks wherever they like, their utensils are worthy tools.

Just check out their tools.  Find solidly built ones and give them a shot.  The one nod to European cookery is the long flat fish flipper spatula, with slats.  It works terribly well for certain things.  So many European utensils are made of soft, untempered steel, or cost a fortune, or have huge handles which makes storage and organization difficult, or all and other problems.  It is like sellers are trying to sell what we don't want to buy.

Actually, that is the problem with cars.  I don't want automatic headlights, or anything else.  I don't want airbags everywhere.  I don't want electronic trash littered through the vehicle.  I don't even want automatic transmissions anymore.  And the cheapest they can build a new car is crazy.  If they burn, it is either the industry's choice or government, though the two collude against us, so...

Oh.  Hmm?  Just thinking and grumbling as I get ready for animal care.  The girls are getting feisty.  After, a few calls then a nap.  Later.

Up before sunrise.

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It isn't exactly early, rising at about 7:00, but it is earlier.  Cold out there, about 17°F, if my eyes read rightly, and foggy.  A special sort of winter dreariness, a haggard look, like a foggy rundown pier, only pulled into, wed with, our highland setting.  A strange, almost dangerous, feel to the scene.  Only it isn't a drunken dock worker or sailor who might get you, but the cold.

The furnace has been turned up, heat flows as I speak.  Toenails are becoming an issue, so will be hit.  A shower in a bit, then a shave, resetting dishes, and perhaps laundry... if I can get a load together.  Then, perhaps, a start on tearing boxes down and getting the upstairs arranged.

Not as planned.

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A bit too tired.  I am hoping to do a bit more.  No guarantees.  I should be to bed earlier tonight.  That should help with other plans.

Beside being tired, I felt ill.  I worried it might be low blood sugar.  At 111 that wasn't the problem.  Lighter meals today, but three of them.  I'll do a final check in a few hours, then go on to bed.  Really not feeling well, if I have, usually do, felt much worse.  I will put laundry in the dryer and at least refresh the dishes, but that is probably it.

A bit worn, but with plans.

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The bathroom looks really good.  I went down between three and four, am waking just after eleven.  Aches and pains, but those as likely would have arrived whether I worked or not.  Aspirin.  It's been a while.  I took waterpills last night, drained about a gallon overnight for that.  Other than itchy skin from skin expansion and contraction, all is peachy.

I had hoped to jump right to it this morning.  No such luck.  Until my innards receive their share of the painkillers, they aren't onboard with nothing but sitting.  Have you ever been exhausted, and ringed by pain that will only get much worse before it gets better?  That is were I am.  Perhaps the pain will ease or I will become more awake so as to handle the push through.

Late, but...

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I kept slowing down.  It took longer to do less in a strange reductive degeneration.  Well, and legs and feet started to swell.  I have been on them too long today.  It's not every day, some days including today.  I didn't do all that much, but enough for that.  Nicely tired too.

Whenever I get up, I'll get to it again.  Not bad.  Good night.

Almost.

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The bathroom is mopped, toilet is clean, and I am about to trim and shower, then set dishes up.  Then to bed.  No laundry, but I really hit the floor and toilet very well.  It took four shots, and I swept between several of the moppings.  Very hot water allows for a fast drying.  It was along the edges were buildup needed effort, and the drill with a brush.

Dinner was good.  I had blood sugar lower.  Something I ate later caused a bump, which remains.  I can have smaller portions of meat twice daily, but I need to be careful with veggies.  A potato?  Small, twice a week, with extra fats to shift the macros.  Carrots or other sweet veggies?  Also a few small doses a week.  But not all together.  The baby carrots needed eating, as with killing sometimes in Texas.  I already had a potato going.  Oh well.  Still, the 130s aren't murder, I just prefer better.

Not moving swiftly.

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Ducks, girls, and myself, food drink and insulin.  Ducks were handled early enough that I refreshed their water, putting much less, but fresh, in for the end of the day.  It will freeze, but is easier to clean out being shallow.  Blood sugar is at 91 as I prepare for a second meal.

The real problem with keto is food boredom.  It isn't just that one doesn't get the carb, starch, and or sugar rush.  It is also that food loses most of it's gratifying flavor.  No, I can still taste everything, perhaps more acutely in ways.  But it is like hearing underwater, or eating similarly.  Which, oddly if much more rarely, leads to overeating. Eating while waiting for... something... anything.

Monday, is it?

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The good and bad things about being terribly ill is that there isn't a difference between Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday.  I would like there to be.  I try to force the issue.  It just doesn't matter if I can't keep a daily schedule.  Four alarms or two, it doesn't matter.  And, yes, I want it.  If I can get a year of a regular schedule, I would get back to engineering school.  That I want more than anything else.

Blood sugar was a bit high.  At 184 fasting, it is the worst I have seen in a long time, yet not too horrible.  I had potato and more meat than usual.  I will work with it today.  I will add fats back in.  Starting with a fatted tea shortly.

Ugh.

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Back to bed at eight, give or take.  Up at almost 13:00.  The bloody nose seems to have ended, for now.  Some strange headache replaces it.  A sinus headache?  It's a type of headache I get so rarely I haven't bothered to figure it out.  Not too potent, but with else wrong today, aspirin is on the menu.

I will, finally, restart medicine today.  I just kept forgetting.  I will start with the easy stuff, then add carvedilol, 6 mg, bid.  If that works, I may double that next time.  I will add the little bit extra z after that.  I can add no more.  It wipes me out for months, or adds to the collapse.  As is, medicine is right on the edge.

Ducks, after I wake.  A shower and shave.  And back to dishes.  Little bits of things.  I'll keep at it.  Later.

Woke far too early.

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A bloody nose woke me.  I attempted to manage it, but it continues.  I tried every trick I know.  Nothing doing.  I want to be sleeping so desperately.  Three or four hours, and it just won't stop.  Sunup, if it was out, or close to it.  Ugh.  When it stops, I will try to sleep.  It started in both nostrils, like gangbusters.  It is down to one, but it is torrential.

Can't really do anything, so surfing the web.  Even it seems to be closing down.  The internet is merely transportation, no longer a destination, save for my generation on back, those who bother... and still live.  I'm not interested in apps or social platforms.  Besides, I know better.

From the looks of things, my gen seems pushed to check out early.  And it seems compliant.  Were we spoiled or just foolish?  We are paying.  I am finding there is no amount of right living today that makes up for bad living yesterday.  I can't even stop a bloody nose!  However, I won't just give up, again.  If there may not be much resistance left.  What I have, I will offer.

It's still going but I am so tired.  I'll give sleep another shot.