Simple meals.

.
.
Tonight, so far anyway, several meat patties  (grilled yesterday), several boiled eggs, and a glass of milk.  Then peanuts and two beers.  And, maybe, later, a grapefruit.  Little salt was needed with the eggs, pork sausage sort of fills in for that.  Full, almost too full.  Not sure if grapefruit will be eaten or not.  Though I like to add something else, beside pure fats and proteins.  There was the beer, but that's not the same.  Fresh fruits at least every other meal, perhaps every meal due to skip days, might be best.  I'm still learning, experimenting, practicing.

I keep wondering about peanuts, to be honest.  If they are a legume, which I do believe, the question is whether they are starch based.  If so, does that starch burn to sugar quickly?  I keep meaning to look that up.  If so, I'll stick with other, real, nuts.  At this point, so long as the foods are mostly protein and fat, I am not worrying about volume.  Though that seems to be taking care of itself.  I simply can't eat more.  Not easily.  I am having to push to eat the volume I am aiming at.  That might have to be cut.  All good.  Actually... a quick looks suggests peanuts shouldn't be kept in the diet.  I'll... consider that advice.  I will do a blood test in two hours.  However, not after.  It seems I am just about out of test strips.  Which means, after that next test, until I get to town, that is that.

As to last night?  Every two weeks, or so several of the source folk for my plan have suggested, I should take a break, allow a "whatever" night.  While it was not quite two weeks, it was nine days into the project.  Three single day fast periods and three double day fast periods.  So... I'm writing that off as my two week celebration.  Since I have removed all other temptation I can get back to it.  Even on the two week celebrations, I believe the trick will to be to buy only what I will use.  If there is extra, toss it as I finish my consumption period... while I am full and while the treats are the least temping, should there be anything left uneaten.  Just do it.

Later.

Dinner time.

.
.
Actually, on the 24-hour fasts, I am simply not crazy for food.  It's... pretty much normal.  Which means I really do fast fairly often.  My problem was that I didn't capitalize on fasting.  Fair enough though, I wasn't fasting by choice.  It is sort of like swimming.  You can swim underwater for anaerobic exercise.  However, if you can't keep topside, and sink, while you are fighting to get to air you won't really use the exercise as well as could be.  You just have to starve, without choice, a few times to begin understanding, in my full condition, why I couldn't capitalize.  Things have changed.

I keep thinking of foods that I haven't eaten.  There are many.  Some I might be able to do, some not so much.  Simply finding fresh blood, certain organs, or such, seems impossible.  Even butchering a lamb or goat might be a bit much for me.  At least in my current condition.  Even so, there... might come a time, access, or a butcher willing to go the distance.  I have learned patience, but to keep my eyes open for an opportunity.  What else makes me curious?  These... doesn't matter which animal, though pig or smaller, no smaller than goat.

I have never made this, but I have eaten this... a man, neighbor, in Iowa.  He made it just as so.  Now he pickled it, really, so it took a bit longer... but really all the same.  What I haven't had is other ways they cook heads of animals.  Roasted, I would say.  Though there are probably other ways.  I simply hate wasting.  Some say we live in times were we don't have to worry about eating 'terrible things' like these.  But... these aren't terrible.  Maybe not pretty, but if you saw almost anything you eat being processed, even grains at some points perhaps, you might not think food is pretty at all.  And, really, it's not.  So many want the curtain behind which stands the wizard to remain closed.  They don't want to see or know.

Me?  I would rather see it as it is, deal with it, live with it, even enjoy it.  Neither squeamish nor weak of mind or will.  If, at times, too tired to do it all myself.  I will gladly kill the thing if someone else will butcher and another cook.  Or I will try to find a way to fit in with some program like that, but an honest one.  And I will enjoy greatly.  It sure beats trying to hide from the truth, the work, the costs, and such.  Those people spend more time over-consuming delicacies based on lies.  They are eating everything I eat, and probably worse, they just don't know or pretend not to know.  Honesty, in all things, is where it is at... as close as I can get.

Oh... right... dinner.  Blood sugar was 277.  Yeah, well...  I realized, last night, that I cannot keep treats around for the future.  I simply can't.  Something about a fox, a hen house, and guard duty.  Doesn't work, not for me.  So... I will be getting rid of anything I can't do.  Regular sugar I can keep.  And use from time to time.  It isn't as much of a temptation as, say, black licorice or even chocolate.  On the fair side, I read that I was buying ten 1 ounce packs.  It ended up that I bought ten 10 ounce packs.  So...  Oh, and I tossed the sugar bubble gum.  Yeah.  Live and learn.  Fasting was 249, and the last one last night was 309... after two packs of licorice and just the one meal otherwise.  That sugar really is a problem.  Bleh.  No, I DIDN'T want to tell on myself, and really almost didn't.  Gah.  Still, this is real, and a diary mostly, and I do attempt honesty.  So... happy?  Fie.

Alright... 15:30, I can go eat.  Later.

Days and nights are twisting just a bit.

.
.
I think, this time, I easily know why there is a shift.  While I have, thankfully, figured out the fluting process by which to keep the cave much cooler than the outside, as days get longer, hotter, and more regularly the cave is starting to, pretty much, warm to about 74, then stay there.  There is no evening or night cooling, or not much, and not until much later.  Now 74 is, once I got used to it, lovely.  It isn't too hot, especially as blood sugars and weight fall.  And, if it seems a touch warm, every other tea can be iced.  However, my body wants cooling for sleep.  It just does.  And, most of the year, it gets it.

I don't think this will be impossible to fix.  And yet it isn't as simple as turning on the ac at a specific time, going in and lying down, and that is that.  I have to figure out how to get cooling on my body out here, on the machine or while gaming.  The fan, or fans, directed just so, might do it.  For whatever reason, unless it is extremely hot, the ac thing just doesn't work.  Been trying that for a while.  Though it might be good to have that on, if just for an hour or two, then go off... if then I'll need to open the door or it gets too stuffy.  Can't have it open while the ac is running or all the cool leaks out.  Still... doable.  This is just a note for me... progress to point, and what works and doesn't and why... most likely.

I'd like to get back to waking early, or at least earlier...  Anywhere from 5:00 to 8:00 is a good time to rise.  It makes sure that if I have business or simple want of day, that the choice is available.  And I do want day, if I am going to more alive, be more active.  If not today, tomorrow.  So much of my life has been spent planning for a hopeful future, that even if it is ending soon, I will still plan for more of a future.  As pessimistic as I am, it isn't because I have lost hope, only that I direct the hope to what might be fruitful.

Oh, right, today is another dinner day!  Nothing fancy.  It's just fun when fasting is only a single day!  Later.

Yeah, sure, my tastes are a bit different.

.
.
The butchers don't really like talking to me.  They keep fearing that I will ask for something.  Something they don't want to, or like, talking about.  Offal seems a horror for American butchers.  I'm not sure if it it is American tradition (if recent, to be honest, if so), if it is that they make money on selling it elsewhile, or if it is something else altogether.  They do not like talking about, or offering, offal.  Not just one, there are nearly a dozen butchers... in both private shops and store fronts... I have... uhrm... haggled with on this issue.  DO NOT LIKE DISCUSSING OFFAL.  Some things make them cringe like little girls.  Brains to kidney, they go sallow.  They, sometimes, will think heart or liver, maybe oxtail or such.  Oh, and don't even think to discuss getting blood.  How do they do their job if they are so squeamish about the very things with which they work?

About the only way to get what you want is to do it yourself.  Now, I suppose, with a bit of effort in planning and work I could set up to butcher a goat, sheep, or pig... in the right season, assuming the weather cooperated... there is almost no way I could set up to butcher a beef.  I am even doubting a hog, though maybe.  Though doing any of those in such a manner as to cleanly capture the offal and blood is a whole other thing.

Why not, then?  Because I am not even sure I would like the results.  Perhaps, or maybe not.  It might simply not be worth that sort of effort.  I have found canned pig brains.  I haven't tried them.  They come in a pink gravy, or so I am told.  I... just... haven't been able to try it.  Canned?  I...  Yes, I am more afraid of something canned than something raw I would need to cook.

So, what do I have in mind?  Well, since they can't import haggis to the US (last I saw).  And probably for good reason, on a number of fronts... not a food that lasts well in transit, and not sure I'd want foreign workers of unclean sorts (Scots wouldn't be making it) making my food...  Anyway... there is a way around, IF I could find sheep pluckings.

No dice, on eggs.

.
.
I just didn't want to spoil grilled meat.  Boiled eggs might be a soft way to break a fast, but I didn't want soft this time.  The grill was perfect.  Nothing fancy with the meats... chops along with hamburger and pure pork sausage patties.  No, I didn't eat it all.  Some of it is either for later or tomorrow.  Probably tomorrow.  It wasn't all that much if it did fill.  Half of it went into the fridge once it cooled enough.  I have noticed, as I get used to fasting, and eating after the given time, that my appetite is diminishing.  More so when I have fatter foods.  If the chops where the only things that were extra fatty this time, I ate an avocado along with the meats.  Think of avocado as vegetable butter, though natural thus healthy.  They'll say it has too much cholesterol, but if you remember they said that about eggs before being proved catastrophically wrong (after making billions, or trillions, on medicine... from getting people to stop eating healthy... as in no longer eating eggs and avocado).  Oh, and that medicine doesn't work.  *wink*

Along with milk, that was that.  And, I think, that might be that for the night.  I started at about 15:45 and finished at about 16:00.  I will check my blood sugar at 17:00 and 18:00.  If I feel hungry before 21:00, or can add it, I might have a grapefruit.  My meals are definitely getting smaller.  Hmm, after testing, I might have two beers too.  Just because.  I haven't had one in a while.  No, not 'my beers', two bottles, literally.  On the good side, I already have dinner for tomorrow.  It's not quite half.  I'll eat a few boiled eggs with the remnants, and call it good.

I see Turkey is finally being cleaned up... if the coup succeeds.  I'm not sure I can see a way for it not to succeed, though there are forces which, if time passes and allowances are given or no denial sent, would prefer Turkey to remain muslim.  If it fails it will be ugly.  Uglier than it is.  Most likely that will be the end of a lot of things, good things.  It will be the beginning of a long hard slide to war between islam and the rest of the world on a, possibly, genocide level scale.  I'm not sure what took the military so long.  Perhaps Europe didn't want it, yet.  Others suggest Russia... suggested this or that (I'm not on that page).  Whatever... it's on now.

I wonder if the French are watching Turkey.  You know, even if your government is islamist, you can do something about it.  Right?

Later.

Sunny and 92.

.
.
Well, not actually sunny.  Partly to be honest.  Which... it just seems that if the sun isn't going to be out in full, we shouldn't have to put up with it's heat.  AmIright?  Still, it is what it is.  I looked at one thermo, the one I don't trust, and it was suggesting 84.  I checked online, it suggested it was 89, but heading to 92 as a high.  I checked the thermometer I trust outside, in the shade... 92.  Yeah, I know which I trust.  Definitely 92, in the shade.  No worries, it, again, is only 74 in here.  Which, with one fan going?  Really?  So nice.

I have the grill going.  It doesn't seem to be heating up all that fast.  Which is fine.  Though I'll have to keep on it.  Pork chops, a few hamburger patties, grapefruit, and...  milk... for sure.  Oh, not all in one meal.  I have two meals.  Sometimes a snack in there... peanuts or pistachios or other fruit if I have it.  It's more fat and protein.  I have no problem breading the chops though, and that doesn't seem to be a problem with blood sugars.  Nor is milk an issue, whole milk anyway.  I am even going to begin adding beer to the menu, two per day for one of the meals, every other meal day.  Will not go completely carb-free.  Will watch, test, take some, enjoy, test.  If something doesn't work, it's gone, at least for a while.  If control is attained, then reconsideration on things I really like.  Some things will just go away, like sugar and heavily sugared items, for the most part.  If I do something sweet, it'll be chocolate once a month, a truly homemade pie, from fresh fruit, once a quarter, something like that.  You can keep your shelf-stable junk sweets, for the most part.

I did test blood sugar.  It was at 231.  I'm not sure if it is the gum that makes it go up, bile from chewing, tea?  I really don't know.  Maybe it just goes up, because.  Still, often in the afternoons it has jumped to 250's and 260's, even into 300's.  So, I suppose, this is doable.  I am curious about my weight this next reading.  It was 272, then maybe a week or two later was down to 257, then 254.  Chomping to weigh in, if I don't think I have lost that much.  A pound a week, and since weight isn't my priority, I'm not sure that will always be the case.  It's more a curiosity, at this point.  The weight loss to this point is, mostly, a wild fluke.  It wasn't on any menu, it just happened.  So... I'm not expecting much, if I have some hope.  It would be awesome to tell my mom I am down to 240 again though.  I think she is one of the few people who has ever seen me at that weight or less, fully grown.  My brother was living somewhere else, we both split off and were parted for years.  Saw each other a time or two when we were both in the service, but just for a few days max.  Yep, she is probably the only one even alive who would remember, that I still know.

Best check on the grill, then perhaps set up the meat.  I won't start cooking until 15:00.  Hmm, I do have eggs boiled though.  I might have one or two while cooking.  Yeah, I'm extra hungry today.  Later.

Everything is just a bit off, again.

.
.
Halfway, essentially through the 48-hour fast.  I must admit, the second day is usually a little more trying.  Not impossible, not a horrible push, just... with an irrepressible itch.  For right now I am hoping that gum will help.  It's a little thing, but chewing on something seems to offer a mild distraction from that... itch.  I don't know what else to call it, the sensation.  While there is no literal itch, a place to scratch, it's like that mixed with a nervous tick.  Still, thankfully, it is rather mild.  Just a reminder to pay attention.

My legs are pretty much back to normal.  Which, actually, is to say they are better than they have been in years.  Further, I am no longer on the water pill.  I have some left over, so if I hit a snag I can deal with it.  I should begin the vitamins again, and supplements.  I think those were worthwhile.  Even in the evening there is only very mild swelling.  If I nap, with feet elevated, that is handled.  It's just that I can't always nap.  You have to be tired to nap.  Hmm... though I suppose I could read.  Reading in bed, with feet elevated, isn't exactly fun or comfortable.  But then fasting isn't exactly first option order of fun either.  :p

Oh, right.  Fasting blood reading was 204.  With it being 220 last night, I had hoped it would break 200.  Then again, chewing regular bubble gum all yesterday morning and the night before?  Or maybe just because insulin is a finicky thing?  It really doesn't, always, follow any rules.  I think, in time, it will.  But on short terms it just does whatever the hell it wants!  Though I will say this, I think the sugarfree gum, for all IT'S problems is far superior on it's own, but then doubling as a tea sweetener?  It is knocking the socks off it's competition in the glycemic index arena.  Like it, don't like it, just know that none of the sugar replacements can hold a candle to that gum on any front... including that the tea tastes even better.  Bleh.

Today?  I have no idea.  Not much.  Anacin, for the first time since fasting.  Minor headache, and other aches.  It isn't the severity, it is the number of various pains.  And it isn't even just the aches and pains, it's that, over the hunger itch, over this and that, and almost as much "just because".  Nothing is bad enough, probably even in total, but with all else...  No worries though.  Given how good I am doing from having been >< close to death just recently?  No complaints whatsoever.  And I'm doing it on my own.

Interesting set of strange things.

.
.
Just here at home.  The world is burning, ripping itself apart, and the war is pretty much on and has been brought to the civilized word by uncivilized elites, but... that's nothing new.

The highest I saw for a temperature reading today was 91.  It might have gotten higher.  That is the minimum high (according to that instrument).  Now, the inside thermometer is rather accurate, I have no issues with it.  It read 73, at the time it was 91 outside.  It rose to 74, but with the outside temp dropping.  That is a really nice spread.  Why?  Well, I opened the ceiling vent into the upper floor.  Really?  I... don't think I need ac.  Further, on a really hot day, if I open several or all the windows up there, it might really cool things down even faster.  Higher level, possibly more air flow, and with somewhere for the hotter air to go.  Wow.  Just saying.  And to think I suffered for so long without realizing that.

As to blood sugar?  Since dumping the sugared gum, at around noon, the blood sugar has dropped to 220.  Yeah, I'm gnomming (chewing) like a monster.  And probably will for several weeks.  The hope is that I will slowly back away from even the gum.  It's a crutch.  Much as the 48-hour fasting is a crutch.  The 24-hour fasting is probably more of a long term thing.  Something I haven't added in will, hopefully, also become long term... exercise.  I may start as simply as walking.  If I go that way, an half an hour of walking is the goal.  I would like to begin freeweights, but... one thing at a time.  Fasting, watching fluid intake, and managing other things is about as much as I wish to stress my system all at once.  I don't think it is too much but I don't know what, exactly, is too much.  If I get to walking an half hour on each fast day, before breaking the fast, and do that for a month... or two... then I'll begin looking at something heavier.  Then, whether by itself, or as an addition to walking?  I'll see then.

When it all goes in for me, it really works.  Clicking right along.  I am still a bit troubled... collar bone and a few other things... weight changes? biology shifts?  It doesn't seem to be of the organs, more as if my body is shifting on my bones, adjusting a different and even now changing load.  Not a true complaint, just notes for any who are curious or considering the path I am on.  If things go well the rest of this week, and into next week, I'll begin walking before breaking the fast on the longer fasts.  Look, there, I've penned it into the calendar.  I'm not sure if that will be a longer fasting day, but that will be when I begin planning.  Plus, planning ahead gets me geared up for it.

Good night.

Hungry.

.
.
This would is "dinner time", I suppose that is part of it.  Though, perhaps, chewing regular gum until the other arrived was part of the problem?  Maybe.  Well, and I fell behind in drinking.  Tea does help cut hunger.  I suspect it has something to do with caffeine, though also simple fluid volume.  No worries, I'll make it through.

I wanted to see about size, waste size.  So I looked through the pile of jeans.  I have 38's (which while I may have been able to put on, technically, I really never could wear since I've purchased them) all the way to the 44's I was almost outgrowing when I first arrived.  I went straight for the 38's, hoping that they would be loose.  Or at least that I could get in them.  In them easily.  They fit like my 40's were fitting.  Of course, every time you put on thinner jeans they make you look fatter again.  No concern there, for me.  Further, I suspect I will be going to 36's within a month or two.  I am pretty sure I will keep up on this.

Blood sugar?  We'll see.  it was above 300 at noon, right as I changed to the new gum.  Yeah.  I can probably have a regular gumball, or six.  But anything beyond that and it'll get me.  That will be a problem until I figure out not just doing the right things, but what the right things are.  I suspect, if I can keep the blood sugar bellow 200, and show it for a while, I might... have some argument for an issue.  Insulin sure wasn't working.  Not sure what would have worked, if anything.

To be honest, having seen blood sugar as low as 195 fasting, from a high of 326~336 fasting?  There might be something here.  I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be natural variance in such a short time.  It hasn't been a full week yet.  I'm not sure if weight or size will continue to come off, if those are secondary.  I am curious about weight, but will weigh in sometime at the first of the week... as soon as I remember.  Monday through next week, or month, I suppose.

Reading is next.  I've finished the section on rappelling and am starting ascending.  I don't know if this book is general, or if it is more for rock climbing, spelunking, or based on one of the coasts, but... it seems different.  It isn't as I remember things.  Then again it was written a decade or so after I was in the game and several decades ago from current time.  And there were and are many many ways and riggings and tools.  More coming out almost daily.  Some are just improved, though directly replace other items.  Some simply are unlike what most would have seen.  I'm not sure what was available, but I think I was using equipment that was top of the line, with a top of the line physique to go with that.  Yeah, it makes a world of difference.  If care, professionalism, has to be there.  Dreams?  Maybe.

My mother lost everything in a house fire, but she used to have a pair of jeans of mine, 31 waist, 38 inseam.  She remembers them.  I wonder if she remembers that I was 240 when I wore them?  Well, she has part of it, or used to.  She bought the jeans as a gift.  I kept them, for a while...  I guess as a memory, a goal, a hope?  Yeah, I'll never get to a 31 waist again.  But I could get to 240, maybe 220.  Some things are just gone.  I wouldn't mind getting to 36, or better 34 waist though.  I do think it's possible.

They are really showing their colors.

.
.
Those who... I don't know... have had access to power?  Is it a certain type of power, or money, or are they blackmailed and then turn black?  Ginsburg, recently, though many on the Republican side too.  They don't disapprove of Trump.  They don't think he is a little off.  They don't think he is a minor mistake.  Even though he is obviously liberal, in the way they see things.  So... what is it about him?  I wondered, for a time, if that seeming hate wasn't just a means to get people to go for him, but not for the right reasons.  A trick.  The enemy of my enemy false trick.  But... it's not.  Ginsburg truly hates, as does many in both parties.

Two birds with one stone, perhaps.

.
.
The gum arrived.  Trident 12 pack, 18 stick, sugarfree, yum sticks.  I didn't think about it while ordering, but... the gum might be what I use to 'sweeten' the tea.  No, I don't mean adding the gum to the tea.  Simply, while chewing the gum, drinking the tea without otherwise flavoring/sweetening.  No, the gum is hopefully a temporary thing, to get me used to fasting.  Munching on something really does seem to help.  Though, as with anything else, everything really is bad for you, at some dose.  So, the goal is to use then limit use.  Still... perhaps even then, I might be able to use it for every other "glass" of tea?  Maybe.  Yeah, that is my tea glass.  You oughta see my beer stein!  *grins*

Wow... this gum keeps it's flavor a lot longer.  I ordered regular gum balls at first.  One man thought my description of the flavor to be... worth noting... sugar flavored sugar.  And it lasted just long enough to notice, almost.  Then I bought gourmet gum balls.  The flavor was much more pronounced, and identifiable, especially cherry.  However, the flavor, for all of them, must be, at least in part, based on the sugar.  And when the sugar is gone, so too the flavor.  Gourmet gum seemed to have figured out a way to make the flavor last a bit longer, but nothing like this sugarfree gum.  Nice.  Even drinking almost a quart, so far, over it.

I seem to be doing a little bit better than this morning.  I can't expect instant miracles.  I actually don't expect long term miracles.  I simply think I might be able to better arrange things.  Or not.  Worth a shot.  Can't really lose for trying.  Don't have to believe.  Actually... shouldn't believe.  Let the results create a believer.  Only fools go in believing without strong personal witness, or a call.  Later.

A tough morning.

.
.
I could not wake.  I woke, to use the facilities, at 7:00.  I woke at 9:00, and just went to the bathroom hoping it would allow me to wake.  Nope.  Not until after 10:00 sometime could I escape bed, and that is questionable.  I tested blood sugar, which was at 258.  There are several reasons it might be that high.  I'll have to keep testing this and that.  Until the sugar-free gum arrives today... well, and until I resolutely decide which of several sugar replacements don't jack my numbers, it's going to be bumpy.  I simply can't burn three or four or five experiments on it at once and come up with good numbers.  If too, as I suggested and was told was foolish, I do believe my blood sugar will rise without a seeming cause from time to time.  It just does.  Maybe I'll prove that untrue, or prove it correct, in my trials.

Can't say I don't have willpower though.  This will be the third fast greater than 24 hours... 2 x 48 hours and 1 x 36 hours, plus two 24 hour fasts.  I'll admit there is an itch on the longer hauls, but 24 hour fasts aren't even a bother.  I still don't know if this will really work.  While the number is down, it's not down that much.  I don't honestly think bubble gum has that much affect on the numbers... not when I am awake anyway.  Do things act differently while sleeping?

Beside having a tough time waking this morning, I am feeling a bit off.  A bit of a grumpy body.  Odd pains here and there.  Very low energy (compared to the last nearly week).  Mental focus is weak.  Bleh.  It may simply be the bubble gum.  The gooder* gum is set to arrive today.  When it does I will begin testing with it.  If it proves out I will throw the other gum away.  While it might not be bumping the numbers (waking numbers?), it might be having an affect anyway.

Live and learn.  At least I know I can fast.  The numbers have come down a bit.  Other than today energy and clarity are generally up.  I am simply going to have to give this more time.  When numbers are higher than I had hoped, or if I seem to be flubbing (maybe with the bubble gum), I think maybe I shouldn't post.  But... warts and all.  If someone out there is starting, and he wants perfection, and he messes up... whether following my tracks or just viewing on his own way, I want him to know that it's fine to fail or mess up.  That, just... pick up and keep going from where you are.  *gnom*  Yes... bubble gum for breakfast.  The long hauls... gum... it helps.  The gooder stuff should be in before the day is out...  I hope it's gooder!

I had a small dream.  Was barking, online, about someone.  They offered to fix my machine.  I let them.  At the big reveal, it was shown that the machine had not been fixed.  It was demanded that I retract what I had written.  I refused.  I got my machine back, still messed up, and was walking away.  Everyone was laughing and suggesting I just play along and all would be well.  I just said I don't play that way.  It wasn't the primary who would have sorted out my machine anyway.  So it was just his say, not his actions.  And his words had been, and might well remain, false.  But that it wasn't an issue, one way or another.  I am, so I will not recant.

No hard feelings.  I simply didn't care.  Neither someone's fame, or peer pressure, will get me on board or be a force by which I will change my notions.  If you want be to write something different, show that I was wrong.  Otherwise what I say stands.  Dames have hated me for not giving an inch.  There is no such thing as equality, nor any of the other fairy tales.  Friends and family have hissed and booed at my not taking their side "because family" or because "go along to get along".  If you raise someone to be just, don't then ask them to be on your side in spite of the obvious wrong of it.

I felt neither one way or the other about the dream.  It wasn't a dream of pride, shame, cheer, or anything.  It just was, like a cup of standard tea.  A minor refreshment typical of it's line, but neither memorable or important in any way, not even precisely to the moment.  It just was, as am I at times.  The machine ended up fixed, even though I steadfastly refused to recant.  I thanked the sayer, and doers, but no more.

Later.

*gooder(tm) - may be used for $1

So odd, at least to me.

.
.
Two meals down, just about ready to head into the next 48-hour fast, and blood sugar is at 232.  I didn't do the one and two hour test.  Not even, now, exactly sure about the timing.  Yeah, well... I might be improving (?).  That doesn't mean I am well, or on top of things yet.  It was a bit warmer today too.  Not truly hot, but warm.  Warm enough to maybe throw me off my game.  That wasn't all of it, though it might have been what sideswiped me around meal times... throwing my timing and planning off.  It'll happen from time to time.  I'll just keep at it.

I am not sure how things are going to go.  Weight loss first?  Insulin levels down?  Food choices will play the lead part.  Though I am finding that all I have been told isn't... true.  Not for me.  Some things that I was told are death are not.  Some things I was told are good are not.  I am going to have to do more sorting before I can really get some baselines.  Now, whether people are trying to harm others, whether they simply sold out, or perhaps they are simply ignorant?  Who knows.  I simply know that, for myself, I will have to explore, test, and do that over and over.  I'll probably never get an exact thing, but I might get a much better idea of exactly what foods cause me problems.

I would guess that what afflicts a type-1 might have little or no affect on a type-2.  More, I would bet dimes to dollars that species makes a difference.  Further, I am betting there are even difference within groups, right down to the individual.  How pronounced is the difference?  Depends on the group, and maybe the person.  As questionable as peer-review, and even the will of the medical industrial complex to heal, I'm not sure we are getting anything like good research.  With elites thinking robots can replace workers, and elites thinking they no longer need the rest of us, I'm truly thinking it is much more involved than simply incompetence.  Time will tell.  On the good side?  God really doesn't put up with such.  If I am what I suspect, that has been scarred into our genetic memory... don't mess with the talking monkeys!  Or... the other ones.  :p  Hmm... the smart ones?  No, not brighter than men of renown.  Oh... the ones who abide God?  No... the ones who CAN abide God.  Right.  The rest are still fair game, if I think even they have a purpose.

Well... a bit of music, perhaps a review of what is passing for news (not reading much, it's all junk, and worse... it's meant to keep people for looking), visiting a few blogs... some news and commentary there.  As I keep saying, while Trump is as good as it gets, don't... expect much.  He is pro-American, but Democrat, really.  If he does the wall there is a chance.  I don't know about the Republican party.  If they take him in, and help him... not sure if that is good or bad.  I suggested that there is yet reason for hope, but that hope probably shouldn't be wasted on politics.  We don't have friends in high or low places.  Family, local friends, or none.  Believe it.  I still think they will be using Trump in an attempt to humiliate conservatives, again.  Just... don't let them get to you.  Whether he simply ruins his run, letting her in... or wins then betrays... expect it.  Don't let them break you.

Good night.

That's different.

.
.
Though maybe the sugar replacement is, if better than the others tested so far, still a problem?  I only drink tea, with the replacement, during non-eating times.  As I wrote my blood sugar, right before eating, was 269.  An hour or so after eating at is down to 237.  Hmm?  Mostly fats and protein, other than some flouring of the skirt steaks.  I plan on a second meal, of the final steak and a grapefruit.  Perhaps sometime this hour.  I wasn't timing the blood test well this last time... might be nearly two hours after the first meal, or more like forty five minutes.  I just wasn't paying attention.  I just... I have never seen my blood sugar fall after a meal.  Odd.  Very odd, to me.

Anyway, this means I need to find other options regarding sweetening the tea.  There are three more choices I know of offhand.  There might be a few others even then.  If none of it is perfect, I may simply have to make do, compromise on amounts, and make other changes.  A bit frustrating.  But sugar free does not always mean anything like what it might seem to mean.  Oh... I have one, already in-house, that I will be trying tomorrow.  Even though I really want to get in to town, for a number of things, I probably don't have to go for a bit.  Not that I won't, if the opportunity presents itself.  Just to get out, though there is more.

There is a strange pain, or set of them, I am getting.  My collar bones are aching.  Very strange.  Not a concern.  Kidneys, liver, other gullet organs, sure... if it's really bad.  But bones I don't worry about.  Only a driver for inquisition.  I am suspecting, that as I lose weight, and things adjust and fall or shift or move that bones, odd ones like in there that are key somehow in spite of being minor, will hurt.  Don't know, time will tell.

Later.

Single day fasting is pretty easy for me.

.
.
Truth is, I have been doing this for a long time.  I simply haven't been corralling the practice into weight loss.  I didn't think it was a good practice.  And, with losing control, it probably wasn't.  It needs to be regulated, balanced, monitored, controlled.  Just 'forgetting' to eat for a few days to weeks is just not good.  When food is remembered, feasting occurs.  As polar opposites they are not healthy.  Only when managed, set against each other, can they work.  On the good side, as I mentioned, one day fasts are easy for me.  Two days and it gets a little more uncomfortable.  I am finding that even two days off isn't too bad, less so if I have gum around.  Tea is good, but having something to seemingly bite, then chew, helps.  I could see a pack a day until I get used to the longer fasts, or get beyond the need of them.

On another issue, I have stopped using the water pill.  I have gotten fluid consumption back under control.  Sips, from time to time.  I can easily handle two gallons a day if I consume it rather slowly.  I can gulp half a gallon in a very short period if I am not watching things.  So I still have to pay attention.  Tea, mostly.  As it heats up I can add water.  More of an add than replacement, from what I have seen so far.  As long as I am sweating more it works out just fine... though, even then, I have to watch how much goes in over time.  That is the trick.  Over time I will learn how to spot cutoffs better.  I have improved.  And, in time, should master this as I am beginning to master food.

I keep thinking I would like to get the boat to the water.  What to wear... shorts and t-shirt... diver bibs... how cold is the water?  I still need to do a few things, and decide some things regarding the boat and gear.  I have to tie in the sun protection structure, or maybe go without for the first short runs?  I need to get the anchor(s) figured out.  I have the anchor lines in, and buoys for the cord.  Everything is a start, everything, regardless of instructions, advice, or even watching as others worker their gear, is a learning experience.  And, yeah, I expect I will end up in the water.  It's how I do.  Thankfully I'm good with that.

Two hours until I can have a bite.  A few boiled eggs, then some fried meat.  Later on another meal... probably more fried meat and a grapefruit.  Keep it really simply, mostly high protein and fat, with just a bit of carbs... more or less here and there.  I just won't do absolutes unless they are killing my blood sugar readings.  Later.

Single day fast.

.
.
Funny, a week ago I would have suggested that a 24-hour fast might not be doable.  Now that is the easy one.  In making it, I might be eating a bit too much.  Though late supper was pretty carbful.  Morning blood sugar is 265.  Now that I can make the fasting periods, next is to begin sorting foods.  What will and won't work, how much, and such.  To be honest, I won't cut anything completely.  Not even sugar, if that will be used rarely for obvious reasons.  Then again, as I said, I suspect at least one of the artificial sugars to be worse than sugar for it's glycemic index.  I'll be testing that again, soon.  And, actually, I am going to test sugar.  Just added to tea.  I would like to know how much of a problem that is.  I'm not worried about exactness, just generalities.  And this, versus that, versus that.  If I don't have choices open to me, what can I fill in with the least problem.  What can I expect if in a worst case scenario... generally.

I didn't wake until late today, which is also unusual.  For the last... while... I have been waking early, 8:00... give or take an hour.  No, I know, farmers, slaves to the papermill, bakers, and some others sure... not early in your book.  But you aren't mostly dead.  Anyway, for me, that isn't so important as consistency, which is what has been on tap.  Not sure what happened today.  Did I stay up way late?  Bubblegum madness?  :p  Maybe.  Can't remember.  Won't do it again.  Though I must admit, I am sure looking forward to the piles of sugarless gum on the way.  Though... come to think of it... they will have to be tested for their glycemic index as well.  If they kick up my blood sugar I'll have to find other.  When hungry it just feels good to much on something.  Really hungry and I have to be careful with cheeks and tongue... can get munched and it hurts.

You know, at the rate of weight loss, by next week or the week after, I might actually be down into the 240's!  The last time I weighed in there was... Well, a while ago.  Of course, I am nowhere fit enough to be reasonably 240, so I'll have to drop another 20, probably.  The last months of my senior year is the last time I saw 220.  Then again I was doing football, basketball, and track.  Looked skinny though.  Ugh... new clothes.  I'm not quite sure how to check sizes other than to order and try them on.  There might be another way... try on what I have, in specific brands, and see where that measure out... if the 38's fit closely enough.  They either fit or are one size too big, I think, now.  Then again, I don't want to buy until I'm sort of bottomed out.  Too bad they never have my size at the used clothing stores.

Hmm... on to... something.  Good day.

Odd questions.

.
.
I'm... considering a post.  I really, sometimes, can't see where some questions arrive.  Although, with this one?  I thought about it.  The big L.  So... I looked back at music.  Then did a little search.  Oh.  Well.  Okay.  Some I knew.  Some I didn't.  At all.  Many were thematic, others were intended to be on the edge... but that edge?  Anyway.  I have a post, just not sure about publishing.  Actually I have two posts.  It's more complex than just one thing, or even two.  I'll think about posting.  Nothing anyone who reads here doesn't know.  Though... with the music?  Some of it snuck up on me... as much as that is possible to be coincidence is another issue.

Not sure I should publish.  Nothing most common readers don't know.  Even those asking should know.  Bait?  Not... sure.  Though, truth?  If you have a pole, why dive?  There is more to it, of course.  The trickster hides in profound, sometimes disturbing ways.  Sometimes for good reasons, sometimes not so much, it is the nature of things in any case, sometimes.  Still, pole.

My blood sugar did spike to over 300, as I mentioned.  But whether it was bubble gum or a sugar replacement remains to be seen.  After eating a pretty good spot of food, not grossly huge, but a meal and an half, and a bit more shortly... but with the food eaten, and time to relax from the first meal... my blood sugar is already down to 230's.  I just...  Oh, and I am using the sugar replacement that seems to be better.  I have a few more to try though.  And I want to try to other one again, but on a day where nothing could interfere with the results.

I am quite pleased with the fasting.  Even if I bungled the project, it was a little thing and I can make sure to not do it again.  Though, as noted, it might just have been the sugar replacement.  Which is part of the experiment... to find what works and what doesn't.  Oh... while at it I found a really good deal on sugarless gum.  I ordered a number of plenty packs.  It is just something for those tween times.  Tea is okay, water might be okay with gum, but... I just need a few techniques and items by which to vault the hunger and frustration.  *gnom, gnom, gnom...*  It does, or can, help.  *gnom*

Tomorrow is a 24-hour fast.  I have boiled, peeled, eggs to break the fast.  That seems... better.  More solid foods seem to hurt the stomach just a bit.  Oh... one more meal, tonight yet, with grapefruit.  Love that stuff.  Later or good night.

----

Wait...  After I failed, or so I thought, with gum balls, I... went ahead and splurged.  I had, like, 20, after my meal... cause I thought wtf... innit?  Then switched sugar alts.  If the gum, just, say, 6 pieces, from earlier, had raised my blood serum, then 20 would have jacked it.  Same time split, just different sugar replacement.  Oh, and with food in there too.  Yeah, it was the sugar replacement.  I'll test sometime later this week.  But I am all but sure it wasn't the gum.  Morz!  :p

----

Don't worry...  I'll put the post back up in about a week, as well as the companion post which only got a time-stamping posting.  When everyone isn't looking.  Where everyone isn't looking.  Or sooner.  I hate posting some things.  Especially if I feel baited to it.  Good night.

Huh? Yeah, no. Fishing pole.

.
.
Strangest of questions.  Thought about it.  Thought back.

A 48-hour fast is stout.

.
.
I was ready for food.  Eggs, first up.  I won't go with that brand again.  Some of the eggs had a jelly-like consistency... the whites anyway.  Just a few.  No, I float-tested first.  They were good, just not very good.  Still, for now, until I can make it to town and to my store, these will do.  I have a dozen and an half boiled, plus a bunch ready for frying or such.  I got rid of the ones that were obviously (after boiling) off.  I also ate three, first thing, with milk.  I then though I'd have an apple.  Odd.  I went through the racks of apples, smelling each type.  I avoided the ones that generally smelled bad.  I passed on the ones that had no scent.  I chose apples that smelled like apples.  Horrible apples.  Take, in your mind, an apple back to cardboard.  Now back that up to styrofoam.  Seriously, no taste, a weird crunch.  I will try one more from that lot.  If it fails likewise, they all go.  Further, I smelled each apple before choosing it.  They all smelled like fresh apple.  Bleh.  Finally, about a cup of pistachios.  Oh, by the way, with pistachios?  You know you are getting hand strength back when you just snap them with your fingers, no need to really pry.  Doesn't hurt the skin or anything, no need to use fingernails.  *crack*  Suite!

I'll have another meal later, and maybe a grapefruit for fruit.  I did my blood sugar before eating.  Was trying a different sugar replacement today.  Though... I also snuck into the gumballs.  *caught!*  Not sure which was the culprit, but blood sugar was at 300.  Yeah, well... okay.  I'll have to go on to the next sugar replacement tomorrow, but keep my hands out of the gumballs.  Gah!  Hmm... since I already done bad, one way or the other...  *chomp*  I only had a few, so I am really suspicious of the sugar replacement.  And it is the one I would have bet on.  Oh well.  What is odd?  The sugar replacement, so far, is one with some real sugar in it.  That's... not good.  Though, better worse, keep it simple, head in the right direction, one step at a time.  I'm not worried, wasn't sure I could even do what I did.  I'll just keep at it.

Later.

It doesn't make sense until it does.

.
.
Struggling to find a way off the chair and not succeeding.  A rough bit of time.  Cannot get going.  Couldn't really figure it out, either.  So I just kept sitting here.  Finally, after enough, and proper, begging, I realized Sassy was hungry.  Sam went down, took over my bed and was sleeping like a guiltless cat burglar.  Which she is.  After feeding, or right before, I looked at the time... almost 11:00.  Temp... 70 inside, 66 outside.  Really?  Good, but, that might explain both Sam and my own lethargy.

I had set a pot of tea up earlier, just never turned it on.  I almost filled a second pot of water, luckily checking before it had much water in it.  Not as much a problem if you use tap, more of a thing if you use reverse osmosis water.  Hate to waste that.  Oh, and I didn't boil eggs last night.  Why?  As I went to do it, it seemed too tempting.  I may begin boiling some shortly.  Just a dozen... which allows for four eggs on three different days.  Which is about how often I eat in a week, give or take.  Eggs would make one of two or three meals, or parts of several meals, on my eat days.

I don't think I'll be going with the one meal plan, not up front.  Nor will I be doing the partial fasting... unless I do that every other 24-hour period.  As is, I believe I will be fasting for 48, eating several meals over six hours, fasting 24 hours and then normal(ish) meals, then the 48 again.  At least until blood sugar is sitting at 100, give or take, normally.  One fellow suggested that he has his blood sugar down to 60.  The one time I did that, dipped just a bit below, I... that is one of the times in my life where I clearly saw death.  I was on too much insulin, doctor ordered of course.  Things are different, and getting much more different, but I have no plans of allowing my insulin to drop anywhere near 60.  Things change, with evidence and this or that.  But from my experience, that is just damned dangerous.

If 48 hour fasting proves too much, or when I reach the 100 blood sugar, I may then change the pace.  Instead of 48 hour fasting every other, 24 hour the remaining, I may simply change to 24 hour fasting.  I know, that isn't exactly what it is, not with an eating window and several meals in that window... but it's close enough.  The 24 hour fasting might be, sort of, a permanent thing.  As to one meal a day?  I just don't know if, or when, that might fit in.  If I go to 24 hour fasting, and things look to be slipping just a bit, that might be a consideration.  There are options.  If you can do the heavy lifting, then the lighter lifting can be negotiated in it's due time.

An early chilly wake.

.
.
Not sure why I woke so early.  Going to bed seemed about at a normal time.  Perhaps the cool allowed me to wake, or forced it.  Could be the fasting is exciting the body to action?  Not sure.  Blood test first thing, 195.  I don't get to eat until 15:00 (3:00 pm for you who can't do 24-hour time).  Life just seems to be starting to make more sense.

I won't say it's perfect.  I won't say it will ever become perfect.  Then again, it never was perfect.  Life, concentration, wisdom, any of it.  It had been better.  It has gotten better from time to time.  And this looks to be heading toward better again.  Other strange things seem to be happening.  I can't explain it all.  Corridors in the mind and body that were shut for a long time seem to be opening.  What does that mean?  Not completely sure, though healing might be coming back a bit better, and some other things.

And yet, there are negatives.  For now, there are new aches and pains.  There is a confusion in the body, as if the gas pedal in a car was being depressed at the same time the break was being applied.  There is a bit of confusion in there.  Oh, and... 254... that is what the scale read.  I really should only weigh in once a week.  That might, otherwise, become the wrong focus.  I am trying to remember the last time I weighed in below 260.  It's been a very long while, though I think I got close to that, once, here.  The time before that was in Iowa, when I was swimming and working out.  Neither time did I drop below, I don't believe.  For decades other than those times, I only weighed more, 350 at one time, and for fifteen years I think.  When they had me on the way-wrong medicine.  It causes weight gain by itself.

Thankfully I don't have much that I have to do.  This would be really difficult if having to be somewhere, and deal with people.  Much like quitting tobacco, there is a grump factor.  Being on my own, I don't see it.  I think that is part of what I am sensing.  A minor headache too.  So minor it's only noticed when it crescendos, and then once noticed that way, then sought.  But it's down there, irritating quietly.  Organs, a few of them, are... adjusting.  A good thing, or bad, I can't know.  But having had all of my organs ache, or stop and start, or wiggle, from a bad heart, these pains are quite mild compared to those.  Just not a worry after having had serious complaints from in there and those.  A pinch rather than a crushing blow... and not all of them.  Actually the ones that hurt are... weird.  Not kidneys, not liver, not...  I am simply not sure which ones these are.  Ought to look at an abdominal organ map.  Though these might not be where organs are.  Like the (my) left abdomen, just centered on the lower rib cage, in about... two to three inches.  I don't think there is anything in there, no organ or nerve center?  Weird spaces like that.  Might just be hunger twinges.  Oh, and oddly?  Inner cheek twinges.  I am guessing that is purely some sort of hunger thing.

If I can fast, my guess is most can.  I don't even have that strong of will power.  I consider myself a putz, to be frank.  Surely?  :p  Bad heart, diabetes, water retention problem, falling apart, old, ill for a long time.  Well, most healthy should be able to do it.  Though, if working, that might cause problems.  Or around people.  *bark*  Though, truth be told, if you tell people what you are doing... and after a few incidents... they come around to just know you might go off at a whim, whiff, or puff.  As long as it isn't every day, and they see results...

Later.

Definitely have the munchies.

.
.
It isn't a terrible hunger, really.  Just an itch that doesn't seem to quit.  It is almost turning into a nervous tick.  I suspect others who try this go through much worse.  I am already a low-carb, better carb, eater.  I already eat a fairly low calorie diet, by intake not artificial "low-fat" production means.  Mostly protein and fat, per my own tastes, inclinations, and usual foods.  Took a while to get there, not perfect, but much better than some would suspect.  I used to be heavily that way, so found my footing in this style of eating much more easily than most coming to it for the first time.  And always leaned that way as well.  Proteins and fats just taste good and feel right in the belly.

Even so, twenty four hours without food, with food just right over there, is... can be... annoying.  Dinner arrived.  They were wondering about carbs.  I told them not to worry.  Just do as they do.  It'll add variety and such.  And on off nights, I'll just save the meal for the next night.  Twenty four, and change down... another nearly day to go.  Not actually a full day, at this point... just until 15:00... though I like to begin preps at that time, not eat right away...  Just... a control thing.  Well, and keeping the consumption window smaller, so as to keep the fast going a bit longer.

I may boil eggs tonight, a dozen or so.  That might also be a softer way to break a fast than more solid foods.  I've been reviewing various notions regarding what intermittent diets others use.  Some are absolutist about carbs.  I'm mid-level on those, though that is up for review.  If insulin levels don't drop as I wish then I will begin reviewing carbs.  Same with sugar replacements.  I am not going to complicate myself out of a system though.  If I have to give a bit, to make it reasonable, and thus it takes longer, as long as it is moving in the right direction...  There are limits.  I am not sure, at this point, if 48 hour fasting is too much or not.  I am pretty sure I could do 24 hour fasting, give or take, and every other day, easily enough.  But that would really slow the process.

Other than the itch, I am feeling pretty good.  I did have slight shakes for a bit.  My blood sugar was still in the 250's, at about 15:00 (very roughly) so I really wasn't going to give in.  That's just the body falsely rattling the cage.  I won't bother checking blood serum again until the morning.  I best get those eggs going or I'll forget.  Not a bad day.  And it was cool.  Later or good night.

Checks.

.
.
Not wanting to just take things for granted, I will be doing blood sugar testing on my fasting days as well.  At least the first week or two... assuming the project makes it that long.  Morning, noon, and night as a general rule.  My noon(ish) reading was 268.  That tells me that my sugar replacement is a problem.  I will begin trying more of the others.  Each seems to have their own problem.  Some are simply hard on the stomach, some are just nasty one way or another.  I'll keep at it.

The goal is to have no impact from anything other than food.  Though, who knows, perhaps a blood serum rise, initially, is inevitable... even if I just drink water.  I'll be working on it anyway, looking for the least rise in blood sugar, or even something that might allow it to drop.

You read what researchers have done.  And yet, what I have found, is either my doctors didn't pass it along correctly, didn't get it right, or are just making it up... though too even directly reading research and it looks like they really, often, just either get it wrong or are idiots.  As to getting it wrong, is that in order to sell drugs, and on purpose, or does it fall to the latter.  I have to guess that a lot of people have figured out that researchers are wrong, in their practices, but they either just go along or stop looking?

I'll just do my own research.  Next up, finding the right sugar replacement or replacements.  I'm not sure a single one will do, but a combination, as much for variety as anything else, might just solve the problem.  This one is not it.  Too bad, I liked it.  Hmm... a trip to town later?  Dunno.  There are some things I do need and want.  The day is cool.  Yeah...  Maybe.

Fasting, today, is a bit sharper.  Not quite painful, more twitch inducing.  No dangerous blood sugar drop though, if I am still in the first 24-hour section, just a bit past the 15 hour mark to be precise.  Ah, while I am in town, I might see about more blood test strips.  None of those the VA sent ever did work.  What are they doing, selling medical supplies returned from Africa because of failure?  Bleh.  Sure makes me wonder about the medicine they are putting out.  Has anyone ever tested it, blindly, without them knowing?  Seriously, I don't know what their deal is, but it's not the health of vets.  I've got a dozen bottles of test strips that don't work in any tester I have, and they were made to work together... in theory.  Trash.

That's... definitely different.

.
.
Up at 8:30, or so.  Groomed, dressed, out, and back by 10:00.  Nothing fancy, just to the post office.  And, yet... impressive.  Actually yesterday was pretty good.  I haven't been able to do such, in a timely fashion, for some time.  If this keeps up, I'll be back to jumping social ropes in no time.  I am sure people think I don't attend church, or meetings, or visit, or such, because I just don't want to do those things.  It's mostly because I can't do them in a timely fashion, which means I can't do them.  I don't expect people to wait an half hour to three hours, or just have me not show, and keep doing that.  Not worth it.  And, events just can't be put on hold.

This is crazy good.  If it works out I might become more involved.  Not a lot more, I'll still have some limits.  Getting out twice, maybe three times a week though, might be possible.  Perhaps in conjunction with other activities.  I didn't even have to fuss today.  A technique for donning compression socks I figured yesterday worked easily today, so it wasn't such a fussy job.  And everything else?  Simple.  I actually took more time out of sheer habit.  Even then, I went so much faster it's almost funny to think back on.

Bubblegum is what arrived.  I gave some of that away already.  The rest?  It waits until splurge days.  Every other week I can have treats and excesses.  Not today, in spite of my great want.  Gourmet, fruit stand flavored bubble gum balls...  Oh well.

Today is mostly just reading, gaming, resting, as I learn how to manage fasting.  It may put me down for a while.  It's worth the price if it works.  I might well be down anyway.  This is a very odd thing, and while I still have serious doubts, I am already seeing some evidence contrary to my doubts.  Oh... best get the trash out.  I think I missed recycling.  Bleh.  Well, I put the recycling on a side street... maybe it will still get picked up, maybe not.  Saw them drive by the front road just as I was starting out.  Wish me luck?

Later.

Oh well, snow so close and so far.

.
.
Just to the north, it sounds like.  Idaho, Montana, and Wyoming got snow or will?  Difficult to catch exact news.  Do reporters no longer know how to write, do editors spill in confusion, or is confusion about the intent and content a feature, for them, not a bug?  There is some time left, but I think the opportunity is passing.  Oh well.

First thing, blood sugar... it read right at 230 this morning.  That's still a 106 point drop from the first morning fasting test I ran.  And that is after only my first day and a bit of fast and then day of regular, if timed, eating.  I am a bit amazed at how well that seems to be working.  I don't expect a whole lot more dropping for a while.  Some say the first two weeks are the best.  Time will tell.

I have decided several things.  First, if I get my diabetes in check, to 100 or less typically, then I begin looking at a stabilizing diet.  I would like to keep fasting as a part of my diet.  I won't risk diving blood sugars though.  The goal is to, in time, eat to maintain insulin, but not just the big numbers... not just fasting... but also to keep the blood sugars as level as possible through meals, and get them to return to a baseline after I have eaten... while keeping those as low as possible while eating.  Food types will help, but I am fairly good with that.  I really did a lot of work on what was best for me, and have cornered that market.  Mostly meat and fat, some carbs... flour dusting of chops from time to time, potatoes or rice but the right ones and right amounts, etc.

The other thing is my weight goal.  For now, and as has been for a very long time, 240 is the goal.  That was my optimum, if when I was in seriously good shape.  I am, obviously, not in seriously good shape.  Just the opposite.  So 240 isn't, probably, the final goal.  It is a stop and look point.  My focus will be insulin control first, then that weight second.  When I get to that weight, adding in physical activity, or more strenuous activity, might be the goal.  Foods might need adjustment.  Insulin control will remain the primary goal through all else.  Over weight, over physical fitness.

I called my mom this morning.  Sounding chipper.  Told her about my deal.  She tried to say my diabetes was type 1, must be, because they don't put type 2s on insulin.  And I just told her, that is the V.A. for you.  Besides, if I had type 1, the testing while fasting would have shown that quickly.  She finally backed down.  No problems... if she sees something she thinks is wrong or dangerous, I have no trouble with her arguing the point, forcing me to defend.  Check-sums, or such.  Besides... that's a parent's job... until the day they die?  Maybe and then some should they find their way to the court of saints.

Hmm?  Today?  No food.  A trip to the post office.  And?  I am not sure beside.  I am a bit tired, but less than usual to be honest.  Focus is coming around, I think?  I have two cats fighting in the sack of my skin.  The first is the one based on not eating.  It takes a minor toll, if just mentally... and probably just here at the beginning.  Food is on the brain, probably psychologically, though there is the physical... the physical aspect is probably a good once I get used to it.  The other cat is the good part of fasting and the focus it is bringing.  It simply has to be tamed and focused before it all can come together.  So, for now, I am doing better, but floundering in it.

It's sort of like flooding the carb, but not technically because too much gas was given, but because the mechanisms for the flow, and then use, of the gasoline are not in good shape.  The tubes carrying the gasoline to the chambers are a bit clogged, and the cylinders aren't burning efficiently, not yet.  I'm not sure an engine could self correct.  It is hoped that my flesh can.  I'm not exactly pushing the engine all that hard yet though.  A week or two of this and I'll know more.  And yet... even with the lag and being off... it feels better.  I mean, I wouldn't want to have to push it, but I can see pushing it from here.  Yeah, post office.  Later.

Very cool.

.
.
Literally.  One of my thermometers reads at 64, outside.  I am not sure I believe it.  Too tired to truck back to the other one.  Or right now.  Rained a bit, off and on.  Not much.  It is, mostly, high summer.  Not that rain is impossible, or even all that rare, historically.  If since I have lived here it seems to be more of a rare thing.  And this temp this time of year is just a bit odd.  Not that my memory is perfect.  And maybe, if health is returning, heat and cold don't quite mean the same thing as when I was much sicker.

I do seem to have a bit more energy.  Not a lot.  Enough to do just a bit more, especially since being so down for this last little bit.  Down time can really trash my ability to do much.  It's like I have to get back in shape all over again, in a bigger or smaller way.  I do wear out quickly.  Though I can get back to something quicker than I would expect.  I am hoping to capitalize on this.  Trash tomorrow, a few things around the house.  It is supposed to get downright chilly, comparatively, with... if I heard correctly... 62 F as a high!  We'll see.  Maybe snow, but not in the fronting mountains... back in a bit.  Might be worth a drive.  Still seems very unlikely.  I can't remember a time it snowed in the secondary areas in the summer, but... not that I always track these things.  But 62 F, as a high, in mid July?  In a desert area?  It... I remember summers where 90 was... it... or higher.  Just funny.  That cold might knock me down.  It can do.  Or I might just truly enjoy, since it's probably just for a moment.

As to diet?  Tomorrow?  No food.  I'll fast the whole of the day, into the next, eating at Tuesday, regular.  I know, supper is coming.  I'll just stow that for the next night.  That'll work.  Something else I might do is boil eggs.  I bought some, will see if they will do.  Boiled, peeled, chilled, eggs are great food in the summer.  I ought to get greens, if I can keep up with them.  That and eggs is even better, with the right fats... olive oil and vinegar dressing, with a few Italian inspired spices and herbs.  Vinegar... balsamic, apple cider, wine, etc.  My last woman type truly enjoyed how I could spin out a dressing that would... get me in trouble.  The way to a man's heart might be his belly, but the belly on a woman goes in a totally different direction.  They are just much more finicky about their belly.  As am I.  *grins*

Oh, uhrm... Yeah.  It's bed time.  I am crashing hard.  Oh, but... something else I have been looking at, for meals, diet, fasting, is one meal a day, omad.  Not sure if it is right, or for now, but it has promise.  The rules, give or take, are reasonable.  At least since fasting doesn't seem too difficult.  While I am hu... big... it isn't because I eat massive amounts, it's because I don't move much.  So energy, insulin, heart failure... all play a role.  Unless all improve, at least some, nothing will really take off.  I might manage insulin, but if that doesn't turn to weight loss, which then manages the heart to a degree...  I don't need to become perfectly healthy.  If I can just improve, even to being slightly outside of the heart replacement levels, with insulin in control, I can... be slightly more active.  A vicious, difficult to maintain, cycle... perhaps at first, maybe for the rest of my life... if it works.  What, however, do I have to lose by trying?

Good night.  God bless.  And if you must, do what is right.

Somethings ticking through.

.
.
Oh, yeah.  I really think something is in the air.  Not sure how much will get out, or if it will go forward.  I'd best check my popcorn supply.  Don't look at me.  Just in spirit, whether living or dead matters not a whit.

A trip to town.

.
.
The hope was to do shopping.  Doubted some things.  What is it, often, that I say about doubt?  Much as with feelings... or other feelings?  Is doubt a feeling?  Anyway, doubt and feelings, positive or negative, should have little bearing on your actions.  There are times where it is appropriate to take them, your own, those of others, into account.  Human, or at least living.  However, for most days and nights, feelings just... they aren't the priority.  Often they need to be overcome.  Prayer, the love of a good woman, a kick in the pants.  Like it, hate it, just... know it.  Anyway, so with doubts out I went.

Gas and a car wash.  Needed it.  Keep the tank on half or above, or so I was told.  Have manufacturers realized that good old practices were costing them in repairs so fixed that?  Dunno.  It's full no, unless someone gets into it again.  And clean... the first for that in a while.  I'll probably take it in for another cleaning again soon, and then after that.  Someone, or something, made a bit of a mess.  Might have just been a cat, or something, that got in.  Or not.

Then on to shopping.  I almost went to Walmart, as they often have the milk I like.  After driving through town to get to the one that might have the milk...  I changed my mind.  Gah!  See, I don't just get angry at women for that.  *grins*  No, you see, I wanted the better fruit that Smith's would provide.  And if Smith's didn't have the milk I wanted, the fruit would stand up better to the temps than milk would.  So...  Back to Smith's.  Had almost stopped there first, but noohoohohhhoooho.  Yeah, I can whine, sometimes with a trill.

As it turns out, good call.  Smiths had the good fruit, salami, and the milk I prefer.  I can go with several brands.  Not the organic, not the most expensive, just favored.  I didn't need butter though.  And I won't need meats for a long time, and thankfully.  The meat I am seeing in stores looks like Mexican seconds.  True?  Don't know, glad I don't have to risk it.  What I had, before buying my beef, was so tough I was beginning to wonder if they ran it up here.  Perhaps the US herds are so far down.  That might be part of it.  The other part is that this admin tossed the USDA out the window (if we are still saddled with the useless, now, bureaucrats that are breathing in tax money while not inspecting much of the food brought in from places like Mexico to China.  Not my issue at the moment.  But if you are buying meat at the store, you should be furious that you are being taxed for nothing.  Definitely stay away from Chinese fish.  Or... don't.  *grins*

Milk, fruits, peanuts, pistachios.  Not a lot, enough.  Good snack foods, better eating, if carbs as to fruits.  Better carbs.  Though I'll be watching.  I returned at about 16:00.  One of the milk jugs fell out and broke.  I was able to save most of it... if I will end up drinking almost half, the other half is in a bigger canning jar, half gallon.  Anyway, decided to check my blood sugar first... 226, fasting since last night.  Not bad.  It did continue to fall from the 264 of this morning.  There really might be a trick to this trick.  Today is a normal food day, so...  the milk (though that is unusual, and I won't drink an half gallon except in emergencies... simply won't waste it), some salami and chevre, and then a small bowl of cherries.  They were on sale... always a risk but a good one this time.  Then supper later.  I'll check my blood in about an half hour, then an hour after that... then before true supper and each hour after...  I am really curious to see how my numbers shape up, whether they will begin to increase less, and perhaps increase on in that first hour with a steeper decline after that.  All of those things would be good.  This is only day two, really, and life is looking up.  Or... down?  Good... gooder even.  *wink*

I'll see what I can do.  Best get out of the compression though.  Man does that get cramped after a bit.  I did find extra extra large that I will try.  It's not even that my feet or legs are that big, per size.  It's just... Even at my optimal weight, when in optimal condition, I am massive.  Big bones, and actually, on my limbs, not all that much fat on those bones.  Belly?  That's a different story, if that is changing quickly.  Later.

Nothing was quite right, made it anyway.

.
.
I washed what I thought was one shirt.  It wasn't.  Banded neck rather than button down oxford.  Well, okay.  I was able to fit one of my dress shoes.  Two no longer fit easily.  The heel was what I thought would give me trouble.  Instead it was the tongue.  Stiff, flat, harsh, making it impossible to walk normally.  I am sure there is a fix for it, but I didn't have time to microfacture or fit one.  I went with the only shoes I was sure would work.  They cost the same, it's just that one pair is work and steeltoed, the other is dress.  Bleh.

I did get the whiskers trimmed before the shower, then shaved after.  Badger brushes leave a distinct smell, and not... it's a man thing, anyway.  Just something off about it.  Most men don't use such these days, so have no clue.  It's a... well... you'd just have to smell it to know it.  It adds something to the creamed shaving soap, I think.  Maybe I have it wrong, and it's in the soap?  I don't think so.  Musky.  Still, for my part, I mostly like it.

Without too much fuss or muss I cleaned up, dressed, and got out in time.  It's been a long time since it was that easy.  I almost felt human.  Not sure tomorrow will be like that, or the day after, or even ever again.  Or, maybe, I am waking, and walking, into a new future.  The hardest part, and what almost put me behind, was getting compression socks on.  I have a trick, though I'm not sure it's best.  I'll... be watching carefully.

I would like to do shopping.  Today, tomorrow, sometime this week.  I have cut milk use, a lot.  Though I did that long ago, as it actually turns out.  Butter I still use heavily, and I am trying to bring cheese in a bit more.  I might even bring milk back in.  Just a big glass of milk could provide the calories, fats, and proteins I want for fasting, or near-fasting, days.  And I am a bit nervous about vitamin D, being anything but a sun worshiper.  There are supplements, and really vitamin D isn't natural to milk, I don't believe... or at least the amount is greatly boosted.

Oh, but there are some supplements I am considering adding.  Vitamin D if milk/cream is going to be curtailed, unless cheese fills in.  Wait, does cheese have vitamin D added?  I'll look at amounts.  But chromium is supposed to be good for finding insulin balance.  As is magnesium, but I am already on that.  There were some others, but... just... not sure.  I don't count, solely, on supplements.  Eating, drinking, and other habits, including good sleep, all play more of a role.  And, yet, why not take a minor boost if it is available?  You can kill yourself, but, in some ways, I've been busy doing that, and often by following doctors and taking the pills they hand out.  Even if they knew that fasting would help, or could, would they prescribe it?  They don't make any money out of that.  Some would, some wouldn't.  Though, of those who would offer alts, how many are in it for some other personal angle?  Just... test, verify, reject.  It is your life.  You don't own it, but you are responsible for it.

I am probably going to cook something as soon as the time to eat arrives.  I'll start cooking after the time has passed.  Just a smidgen of something... a minor burger patty, a chop, perhaps one of each.  It really isn't much.  But I don't want to crash my diet, just gently break it.  I am working on eating slower, smaller bites, too.  Not that that always works.  Each day a bit more, or less.

I worked the hand grippers.  I was able to do the 300's a bit.  But when I made it to the 350's I could barely move the handles.  I still can't tell much difference between the 250's and the 300's.  And what I can feel as difference... I wonder if that isn't just from working the 200's and 250's first.  Still... They do provide some resistance.  I only work them about every four days now...  At the higher resistances and more exercises as well I need more recovery time.

All good.  Oh, and clouds are moving in!  A cooler day is always welcome... even if it just cools for a bit.  I'll take all of that I can get.  Later.

Another medical update.

.
.
I stumbled from one thing to another, no pun intended.  The leg swelling that was becoming such an issue has mostly been fixed.  Careful tending of the volume of fluid intake, compression which will be on and off now, and elevating my legs when I sleep, have nearly fixed things.  It's not perfect, but then I don't think it ever was, or will be.  If I keep losing size at least, and gain control of insulin, while lifting this pervasive sense of exhaustion, other things might improve.  Health is a chain event.  When one thing fails, other things tend to fail with that.  Putting things back in order is not simple.  Medicine can't do it.  Medicine isn't made to do it.  It's a lazy way for a doctor to tell you to go, take it easy, then die.

I really can't fix the heart.  That was the first, and most significant, issue.  There may not be a way to fix it.  Live with it?  Of course.  And probably live with it better than ever.  Knowing what the problem is does help.  The other problems call all be ameliorated.  Even the heart can be massaged into a better working order.  Some, maybe even diabetes, especially if the readings were right yesterday, might be nearly fixable.  I doubt if a cure will be in, but with a little extra care, if I can do that... it'll work out to near cure levels.  It can be controlled if never truly fixed, perhaps.  I am not sure what all can be mended.  Weigh loss would help, potentially, everything.  Which, while it looks like I have lost some weight, I actually haven't yet.  Hmm... decided to check... from 280ish as my typical for years, then to 273 fairly recently, now at 257.  Some weight loss.  Just in the last week though?  Weird.  Maybe I wasn't tracking time well.

In any case, the foot (feet) are better.  They aren't swelling much through even the day, and that is completely gone by morning after a good sleep.  The skin on the leg that was swelling a great deal, while not sore, is definitely going to take some time to heal.  It was simply bent out of shape.  Not sure what to do to help it.  One thing at a time.  I am hoping the supposed energy level increase from fasting is real, or for me.  We'll see.  Though with high summer hitting, I'm not sure it matters right at this point.  Unless that seemingly sensed snow arrives!  I'd have to get out and go up for that.  Yeah, probably a pipe dream skewed sensory thing.  Still... just saying.

I best get started.  Later.

Sometimes it's my fault, sometimes not.

.
.
I had the alarm set yesterday, for 7:00.  Never heard it.  Woke in time, if just.  I set it this morning, for 8:00... which is 7:30 since I keep alarm time faster, or ahead, or however you term it.  This time I sort of was awake, so kept waiting for it.  Couldn't remember the exact time, so I let it go past 8:00 before checking.  Yeah, no.  The alarm simply didn't sound.  Now, it can be set to different alarm modes, I'll check it when I am more awake.  Though, perhaps through time, it has failed.  At least I know it really wasn't my fault.

I checked my blood sugar at 23:00, which was the two hour mark after dinner.  It was 326, basically back to the fasting and high point.  Sort of disappointing.  As I said, experimentation with food will begin.  Boiled eggs might be the better, easily calculable as to calorie, fast breakers.  And, if just the simple number of calories aren't quite enough, an extra egg or two probably won't be as bad.  Of course it will take some time, potentially... if it hasn't started through how I have been doing things... to learn to burn fats for energy rather than carbs.  New tricks, old dogs.  Maybe not completely possible in the mechanical world, though it seems rather possible in the biological elements of life.

This morning my blood sugar was down to a fasting number of 264.  That is a 62 point drop, I believe, from the  fasting number yesterday.  That seems... unlikely.  But there it is.  I don't know if that is a yo-yo down, some sort of mistake, a quirk, or...  This next week will tell more.  I'll be doing quite a bit of blood sugar testing this week, much more than I normally have in the past or will in the future.  If I begin doing well, I'll cut it to three times a week, a fasting, a mid-day pre-meal, and then an hour or two hour after meal... whichever seems to be the highest.  Though I may do a bit extra work to test out certain foods.

A shower, shortly.  Oh, and best give the clothes a bit of a spin.  No huge hurry, but time is converging upon action.  No food until 15:00 at the earliest, today.  But a normal food day.  I don't honestly think I need to reduce food intake all that much.  Exercise, sure.  But that, as might have been noted, is related to insulin levels in the blood.  Too much and nothing is going to happen.  It just, almost, can't.  Drain your gas tank, or more flood your carburetor, and see what happens.  Later.