An early chilly wake.

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Not sure why I woke so early.  Going to bed seemed about at a normal time.  Perhaps the cool allowed me to wake, or forced it.  Could be the fasting is exciting the body to action?  Not sure.  Blood test first thing, 195.  I don't get to eat until 15:00 (3:00 pm for you who can't do 24-hour time).  Life just seems to be starting to make more sense.

I won't say it's perfect.  I won't say it will ever become perfect.  Then again, it never was perfect.  Life, concentration, wisdom, any of it.  It had been better.  It has gotten better from time to time.  And this looks to be heading toward better again.  Other strange things seem to be happening.  I can't explain it all.  Corridors in the mind and body that were shut for a long time seem to be opening.  What does that mean?  Not completely sure, though healing might be coming back a bit better, and some other things.

And yet, there are negatives.  For now, there are new aches and pains.  There is a confusion in the body, as if the gas pedal in a car was being depressed at the same time the break was being applied.  There is a bit of confusion in there.  Oh, and... 254... that is what the scale read.  I really should only weigh in once a week.  That might, otherwise, become the wrong focus.  I am trying to remember the last time I weighed in below 260.  It's been a very long while, though I think I got close to that, once, here.  The time before that was in Iowa, when I was swimming and working out.  Neither time did I drop below, I don't believe.  For decades other than those times, I only weighed more, 350 at one time, and for fifteen years I think.  When they had me on the way-wrong medicine.  It causes weight gain by itself.

Thankfully I don't have much that I have to do.  This would be really difficult if having to be somewhere, and deal with people.  Much like quitting tobacco, there is a grump factor.  Being on my own, I don't see it.  I think that is part of what I am sensing.  A minor headache too.  So minor it's only noticed when it crescendos, and then once noticed that way, then sought.  But it's down there, irritating quietly.  Organs, a few of them, are... adjusting.  A good thing, or bad, I can't know.  But having had all of my organs ache, or stop and start, or wiggle, from a bad heart, these pains are quite mild compared to those.  Just not a worry after having had serious complaints from in there and those.  A pinch rather than a crushing blow... and not all of them.  Actually the ones that hurt are... weird.  Not kidneys, not liver, not...  I am simply not sure which ones these are.  Ought to look at an abdominal organ map.  Though these might not be where organs are.  Like the (my) left abdomen, just centered on the lower rib cage, in about... two to three inches.  I don't think there is anything in there, no organ or nerve center?  Weird spaces like that.  Might just be hunger twinges.  Oh, and oddly?  Inner cheek twinges.  I am guessing that is purely some sort of hunger thing.

If I can fast, my guess is most can.  I don't even have that strong of will power.  I consider myself a putz, to be frank.  Surely?  :p  Bad heart, diabetes, water retention problem, falling apart, old, ill for a long time.  Well, most healthy should be able to do it.  Though, if working, that might cause problems.  Or around people.  *bark*  Though, truth be told, if you tell people what you are doing... and after a few incidents... they come around to just know you might go off at a whim, whiff, or puff.  As long as it isn't every day, and they see results...

Later.

Do you remember this one?  Ah... well...  Enjoy or not.