A tough morning.

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I could not wake.  I woke, to use the facilities, at 7:00.  I woke at 9:00, and just went to the bathroom hoping it would allow me to wake.  Nope.  Not until after 10:00 sometime could I escape bed, and that is questionable.  I tested blood sugar, which was at 258.  There are several reasons it might be that high.  I'll have to keep testing this and that.  Until the sugar-free gum arrives today... well, and until I resolutely decide which of several sugar replacements don't jack my numbers, it's going to be bumpy.  I simply can't burn three or four or five experiments on it at once and come up with good numbers.  If too, as I suggested and was told was foolish, I do believe my blood sugar will rise without a seeming cause from time to time.  It just does.  Maybe I'll prove that untrue, or prove it correct, in my trials.

Can't say I don't have willpower though.  This will be the third fast greater than 24 hours... 2 x 48 hours and 1 x 36 hours, plus two 24 hour fasts.  I'll admit there is an itch on the longer hauls, but 24 hour fasts aren't even a bother.  I still don't know if this will really work.  While the number is down, it's not down that much.  I don't honestly think bubble gum has that much affect on the numbers... not when I am awake anyway.  Do things act differently while sleeping?

Beside having a tough time waking this morning, I am feeling a bit off.  A bit of a grumpy body.  Odd pains here and there.  Very low energy (compared to the last nearly week).  Mental focus is weak.  Bleh.  It may simply be the bubble gum.  The gooder* gum is set to arrive today.  When it does I will begin testing with it.  If it proves out I will throw the other gum away.  While it might not be bumping the numbers (waking numbers?), it might be having an affect anyway.

Live and learn.  At least I know I can fast.  The numbers have come down a bit.  Other than today energy and clarity are generally up.  I am simply going to have to give this more time.  When numbers are higher than I had hoped, or if I seem to be flubbing (maybe with the bubble gum), I think maybe I shouldn't post.  But... warts and all.  If someone out there is starting, and he wants perfection, and he messes up... whether following my tracks or just viewing on his own way, I want him to know that it's fine to fail or mess up.  That, just... pick up and keep going from where you are.  *gnom*  Yes... bubble gum for breakfast.  The long hauls... gum... it helps.  The gooder stuff should be in before the day is out...  I hope it's gooder!

I had a small dream.  Was barking, online, about someone.  They offered to fix my machine.  I let them.  At the big reveal, it was shown that the machine had not been fixed.  It was demanded that I retract what I had written.  I refused.  I got my machine back, still messed up, and was walking away.  Everyone was laughing and suggesting I just play along and all would be well.  I just said I don't play that way.  It wasn't the primary who would have sorted out my machine anyway.  So it was just his say, not his actions.  And his words had been, and might well remain, false.  But that it wasn't an issue, one way or another.  I am, so I will not recant.

No hard feelings.  I simply didn't care.  Neither someone's fame, or peer pressure, will get me on board or be a force by which I will change my notions.  If you want be to write something different, show that I was wrong.  Otherwise what I say stands.  Dames have hated me for not giving an inch.  There is no such thing as equality, nor any of the other fairy tales.  Friends and family have hissed and booed at my not taking their side "because family" or because "go along to get along".  If you raise someone to be just, don't then ask them to be on your side in spite of the obvious wrong of it.

I felt neither one way or the other about the dream.  It wasn't a dream of pride, shame, cheer, or anything.  It just was, like a cup of standard tea.  A minor refreshment typical of it's line, but neither memorable or important in any way, not even precisely to the moment.  It just was, as am I at times.  The machine ended up fixed, even though I steadfastly refused to recant.  I thanked the sayer, and doers, but no more.

Later.

*gooder(tm) - may be used for $1