There are two bees that won't let me alone.

I've been wrestling with exhaustion for too long now. It's on the downside in that I'm seemingly sleeping 6 hours for every 2 or 3 awake. And for those of you who might think that sounds great, I hope you never get the chance to understand. In spite of the current condition, I have two topics that just won't let me be. I won't be able to give them my usual treatment, but I need to get them off my mind. So, here I go.

The first involves science. I have some problems with science, not in what it is but how it is often used and abused both without and within the scientific community with nary a word of protest. I just think that if I poured my life into a search for knowledge, for truth itself, and I saw that search manipulated in a way that was clearly not true, I would yell until I couldn't. I would write letters. I would talk to everyone in my field. I would write books. I would demand that my peers do the same lest their work also be abused. For who can appreciate or believe men who delve into truth only to ignore that work being bent into lies?

One of these manipulations, which had a tremendous impact, was a book written using data from a specific study. The book often misquoted, skewed the results, or just outright lied. The name of the book was "Silent Spring", required reading for many children and college students in spite of it's known faults. The material in the book led to a ban on DDT, a pesticide that helped rid Europe and America of many diseases by killing mosquitoes, or more, their larva. DDT was banned before Africans had a chance to get and use it in a large enough way to eradicate diseases like malaria. Over the span of the ban (in place since the early 1970's), untold millions have died from the diseases which would otherwise have not been a problem. This, I think, was the point. The reason scientists didn't come forward is that they believe in the need for fewer people. As some evidence, the ban was recently lifted, given that this same population is now in such a desperate struggle for survival from just one disease, AIDs. Now, the scientific community and every group from Green Peace to Sierra has applauded the reinstatement of the use of DDT.

Why would scientists stand, or sit, for this? Why would they not do something if for no other reason than to see truth that they "theoretically" seek be kept untarnished? Why would they want people to die? It is quite simple. It is because they do not have faith. With no faith, how can they have hope? Without hope they are surely lost and doomed. Their reflection in the faces of millions of dead is no accident. Why this is, or how this comes about, is a topic for another day. Even though it rumbles through my mind, I can only do so much for now.

The other topic is whether all men are men. That does sound odd, that is because I am using two different, possibly, definitions. One definition for man is the homo sapien. He is a two legged, bipedal, mammal with a larger brain size and capacity than other animals and opposable thumbs. The other definition of man is that creature definition who also knows right from wrong and can freely choose. So, are all men of flesh also children of God even if they all are God's creations? Most churches say they are all one man. Most major religions do, as well, if they believe in tiers among what they believe to be men.

My problem is in believing all men are capable of knowing the difference between good and evil, and equally but separately that I question whether all men can freely choose. It seems, biblically, that there were other men other, men apart from Adam and Eve. If not, who then did Cain marry? What peoples did Cain fear when he was cast out? Still, that might be debated, and strongly, but it does leave room for consideration. Whether you believe in the bible as fact or are loose in translating, there is plenty of room yet for uncertainty.

Looking around the world, around my block, walking downtown, and going here or there, I see people. I want to believe that they can know goodness, can choose it, and are able to love and be loved. Yet I feel as if this could not be absolutely true. There are too many events that allow doubt. Are we all truly men of God or are there two types of men, one of God one of animal? This question will not be asked by politicians, scientists, or clerics. Perhaps it doesn't matter in the greater scheme of things, but it is a valid question.

I said this was a place where my mind is allowed to roam. It is a place of whispers, questions, doubts, and thought. I told you, dearest reader, that I would not hide my thinking or change my thoughts to fit someone else's mandates, not even the states. You should have guessed by now that I am what I am.

No bloggin, the machine is down.

Hey all. I've got three ideas I have been trying express, but the machine just isn't clicking. I can't tell you what is wrong, but I can say I am a mess. I know it seems as if my writing is just easily written lame material, and it might be for some. For me, it is inspired. I see what I am trying to say and how best I can say it, then I write it and while doing so I look for the correct word, the right phraseology, and sometimes humorous, dark, or pleasant moods to express within the thoughts. At the moment, I am doing good not to drool or at least it feels that way.

I am in the midst of a three week vacation from reality. I call these my accidentally transcendental movements or periods. I'm not always sure what my name is, where I am, or what is going on, but my corpse seems to take care of feeding itself and the other necessities just fine, as well, it stays out of trouble preferring home and safety to excitement or adventure after having had it's fill. I wish I could find a way back and do what I want, like, and feel I need to do, but at least I can tell you and others about it in my more coherent moments. Now I remember one of the reasons why I left Zen, though I suppose I could have been an accidental master once in a while.

I realize I have been writing during this time, but don't ask me I don't understand. All I know is I haven't been able to put thoughts, words, or moods into more than scribbles such as this in... a while? Though I lost interest in the Doors after I found out about the state patrol thing (among other things), some of their songs still have meaning to me. When I am this way, strange that is, people seem strange, women seem ugly, and life is certainly harder.