Hot.

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Too hot.  It got to 88, then dropped to 78~79 as a storm sort of did, or is, blowing through.  I lost track of some things, and it got extra warm?  Though I am not sure doing things differently will make a difference.  We'll see.  I'll try to do it rightly tomorrow.

With it currently as warm inside as out, I just opened things up.  Going on to bed before too long.  Want it to cool as much as possible while I sleep.  With the ac and fans going, upstairs should be 73 at the highest?  Perhaps as low as 70?  I'll know shortly.

I did get the shower taken.  Didn't shave, let alone trim.  Oh well.  Can barely stand.  I did get the laundry a second hit.  Should be done when I wake.  Probably done now, can't do much about it.

Warming quickly.

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Though, between sunup and 8:30, it dropped to 58?  Strange.  Here at 10:30 it is up to 75 though.  Burning some daylight, to be certain.

Cheese, and coffee.  Well, and salami too.  But, with salami?  Slice it thin, very, very thin.  Then eating it isn't as much of a problem.  Mostly.  But, yes.  That, if you really want some, is the way to go.  Thin, and little.  Don't... bulk up on that.

Oh, and I will be starting waterpills.  While that wasn't the problem before, strangely enough.  Sure, blood in the lungs, but not in the legs, ankles, feet.  Until now.  It looks like I am getting fluid out of the lungs, mostly, slowly, usually.  But, now it is dropping into my lower extremities, and to a degree into my torso cavity.  So?  So, the waterpill.  Treating one thing at a time, as needed.

Odd sleeping cycles.

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They are off.  Changing this day from that.  Length to timing, nothing is constant.  Down half to midnight, up at five, this day, for now.  I may need a nap later.  It is warmer, too.  It was 75 most of the night, up there... with windows open and fans going.  Down here it is 71, nearing 72, front and back.

It had dropped to 58 at about bedtime.  But, this morning, is right at 60.  Weather patterns, in the summer, will do that.  Haven't seen that in a long time, and it's not typical even in typical years, or even summers.  It is what it is.

I have laundry to continue, today.  A shower to take.  A trim before, maybe a shave after.  Perhaps that will help with cooling.  Sometimes it does, sometimes having a beard is more comfortable.  An odd world.  Is that subjective or objective?  Couldn't be, both?  Unless one can be affected by the other, or external factors?  Doesn't seem reasonable, but many things that are true don't.

A strangely better day.

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Still not great.  I think the heat helped?  In a weird way.  Until it really didn't.  While it only got to, say, 82 or 83?  It stayed warme all day.  A storm blew through, it didn't matter.  I think it dropped to 78, then when right back up to 80, maybe even 82 again.  Maybe it hit 86 at some point.  It was weird.  As if heat was wrestling with cool.  Heat won, mostly.

It stayed mostly cooler in the main.  This front room got to 78 and pretty much stayed there, if not until later in the day.  I stayed up, hoping it would cool.  It didn't cool off, really, until 21:30?  22:30?  Somewhere in there.  And it didn't cool much.  It only was down to 68 by then.  Yeah.  I turned the ac on upstairs a few hours ago.  Hopefully it will be better.  It was 78 upstairs.  I forgot to shut the windows at the right time.

But, yes, feeling slightly better.  And I do think it is the warmth.  Though, that is going to swamp me quickly.  I can barely stand, even now.  But breathing is better.  It isn't belabored all the time, just sometimes.  And, not even every time I exert some effort, if most of those times.  Better is just that.  A comparative improvement.

I am hoping it cools a bit tonight.  It is bedtime.  Being more careful with medicine.  Can od on that stuff.  Not that that has killed me, but it is rather unpleasant.  Oh well.  On to bed, I do believe.

Breathing is difficult.

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It has been worse, but it has been a whole lot better.  Just getting up to go to the bathroom, or feed Sassy, or check the temp, will end with me tuckered out, breathing heavy, hoping I don't pass out.  Though, really, I haven't come close to that... in the last day or two.  But, for a few days, yea.  I really... wondered if I was going to die trying to get air in.  Though, it is still... troubling.

I had to bring in water.  Perrier went crazy, price-wise.  So I had to find something else.  I like it, I think better.  Even it has gone up a lot.  Can't drink it as often as I'd like, but... it's something.  Look, it's cheaper than food, for as much filling as it offers.  And, at my weight, as long as I get some regular food, and vitamins plus minerals, I can go without food to some degree.  Anyway, but that stuff is heavy.  In.  I need to get it down to the basement, too.  Ugh.

Cheese, earlier.  With coffee.  Skipping salami.  Just having cheese every other to every third day, salami once a week.  This isn't my favorite salami.  The kinds I knew and liked simply weren't available.  Next I'll have kefir.  Oh, and perhaps the last of the roast, or nearly.

Sleep is off, but not bad?

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At least I can sleep, when it is needed, for as long or short as needed.  I am, at this point, far less worried about keeping to days and nights as I am about getting sleep when I am so tired it hurts.  Managing the temp in the house is the key.

It has been hitting the 80s lately, daily.  Which... is at a minimum good.  We probably need it warmer.  It is an ag area.  Things need to grow, mature.  What is grown here really needs heat.  Though, being a farmer, rancher, or else, is a serious gamble.  Enough?  Heat, water, dry patches, and else, at the right times, is... well... hopefully the averages make up for the aggregate?

I have been able to keep the house at about 70, in the nights, then it slowly peaks into the mid 70s.  Ac use, for an hour or four, in the afternoon to evening, upstairs, is enough.  As long as I open the house downstairs while it is cool outside.  It is exactly 70 in both places upstairs, and both areas downstairs, as I woke at 4:30.  Oh, and 49 outside, though it may yet cool more out there.  Pleasant.  Now that I am used to the 70s, it's nice.  I can wear compression socks/hose without much issue, and pj bottoms over, without overheating.  I can even handle the warmth of the day, usually.  Sometimes, often, enjoy it.

Delusional?

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I do enjoy the accusation.  True?  Perhaps.  But, I see what I see, and write about it.  I write it as I see it.  I... don't worry about that.  There is no human on this planet, or other things if some of us are different, who get it all right.  I don't think we get it mostly right?

The brighter you are, the more patterns which emerge.  Brighter folk tend to get the lower level pattern recognition down, but when they... try to... really dig in?  They go so far off the beaten trail.  This I know.  What I am seeing are simple patterns.  Who, if anyone, is creating them?  That I won't say.  If I... privately..suspect, speculate.  I prefer, honestly, to doubt.  I try my very best to ignore.  But, sometimes the patterns beat me over the head until I surrender... at least to the notions.

I laugh at those who doubt.  Not... necessarily because they are wrong.  Most pattern recognition isn't, at the minimum, a bit wrong.  Much of it is terribly wrong.  Well, in that I see patterns everywhere.  No, it... isn't that they might be wrong, though that is still possible.  It is that right or wrong, their doubts are less secure than my certainties, and exist for the wrong reasons.

Someone keeps suggesting something.

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Sometimes a song will show.  Time, and time, and time again.  Almost every time I look.  And, sometimes, I try to ignore it.  I do ignore.  I have been ignoring it.  I don't always understand, if... there may be... a path or two toward understanding.  Ignore?  Ignore again?  Gah!  The pain, of ignoring what won't be ignored!

First, it was every other day.  Then twice a day.  Then five times a day.  Then most every time I look.  And, finally, it has been there every time I look.  So, fine, I'll play it.  She wants to be heard.  My psychic ears are bleeding.  I'll... play it.

Awake?

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I woke at about 1:30?  Give or take.  It was 70, upstairs, in both places I measure.  With the ac going and both fans on.  I... must have been really tired, I usually turn one of the fans off while going to bed.  Downstairs it was 72/74, warmer up front.  So I openeded things up, and turned on, or up, fans.

I truly planned to just open things up, write a short post, and go on to bed.  But between a bm brewing now, and just not quite being able to get right back to bed, that won't happen.  a bit of gaming, I suppose.  As I try to find my way back to a time when... place... where I can sleep again.

Life is going a bit more smoothly.  Breathing is still a bit of a difficult thing.  In part because I keep blocking up... phlegm buildup.  In part because fluid is still backing up into my lungs.  There are other... problems.  But, my lungs are, slowly, two steps forward one back, getting better.

Not bad.

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Doing a bit better today, again.  Still coming up breathless from doing the slightest things... like taking a jog over to the door, and going out to check the temp.  It is 82 outside, 75 up front, and 71/73 in the main of the house.  Cooler, probably.  The thermostats are near the main south facing stone wall.  That gets warmer, but it's not as warm as that indicates.  I can feel it, walking back there.  Not sure what the temp is upstairs.  Too worn to check.

Just keeping up on Sassy.  I'll change her water when I get my breath back.  Well, get that back, then reset the r.o. system.  I had fallen a bit behind.  As well, I'll grab a jar, or a couple cups really, of kefir.  I'll probably switch that out, today, before going to bed.

I do realize why blood sugar is higher.  In order to drink coffee, I have needed sweetener.  I haven't gotten the good stuff, from the store.  So, am consuming freezer dried.  That'll work, for a bit.  But it is a lot worse than the good stuff.  If you haven't had them back to back, it is easier to drink freeze dried.  But i just had the fresh stuff, ground myself, recently.  I have to sweeten the freeze dried, or not drink it.  And, sometimes, I just need some coffee.

Four hours later.

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Just checked.  Outside it is still only 67.  Still, that's a twenty degree rise in temp, rising more like in three rather than all four hours?  Probably.  Mostly sunny out there, just some... haze.  Still a pretty day.  Snow still on some of the peaks.  Crazy, I'll tell you.

Still running out of breath doing little things.  Just going to check the temp nearly ran me down.  On the good side?  I can got check the temp, or do little things, when I want, and at speed.  Go, go, go!  That's how I prefer, or try, or do live... when I can.  I want it done, now, yesterday even.  Unfortunately, right now, just checking the temp is as much as I can do.

Gaming.  Getting a bit into it.  A very slow hard start.  Then I did well for a while.  Now I can't seem to do much, or fast.  Part of it is due to poor health.  Part of it is that the game seems to have ebbs and flows.  It seems to let one through, with moderate effort.  Then, all of a sudden, it shuts down all progress.

Up at 5:30.

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It got down to 70/72 upstairs, but that felt cool, almost cold.  I needed to add two extra blankets to my main.  With one fan going on slow speed and the windows open?  Okay.  Downstairs, the house got to 66/68... warmer in this front room.  Outdoors is 46?  Strange though, for it to have cooled that much.  Windows open a bit, one fan going, also on slow speed.  It's strange that it would, could, get that cool.

Sleep was pretty good, before and after.  Though the cooler sleeping is always the better sleeping.  I tended Sassy, food and litter so far, first thing.  I'll change her water a bit later.  Kefir, in a bit.  I have leftover vinegar tonic.  I... don't think that goes bad.  What to eat today?  Leftover chuck roast will do.  I may dice it, and add it to canned soup?  That wouldn't be too bad.

There is something I want to try with soup, if I can't immediately remember what that is.  If I remember, I may try it, then I'll let you know.  Canned soup isn't great, but with lungs still making catching and keeping my breath a bit of a trick, it will do.  Which... is why I have such things.  Oh, and, probably, later... or earlier... I'll have corned beef hash and eggs.  Now that I can crisp the hash properly, that has become a once again beloved meal.  Not great for keto, but... I'm hitting keto pretty well.  Oddly, blood sugar is staying up into the low two hundreds.  Not sure why?  I guess it just is what it is.

A pretty enough day.  Clouds on the horizon.  It has been clouding up, raining even from time to time.  Storms are still coming through, if not raining as much.  Still, amazed that it is bothering to rain.

Coffee, morning pills, and gaming.  Later.

Better still.

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I was seeing how the morning... night really... would go.  The house, downstairs, has gotten down to 70/70.  Very nice.  It is 1:30, so time to go on to bed.  I am hoping it is cooler upstairs, too.  Odd, the ac will only get it down to 73, but... the outside, on reasonable nights, with a fan going, might get it cooler.  Though, without the ac to start, it won't.  Fair enough.  Without ac to chill the place down a bit, it will only get down to the upper 70s.

I found an open bottle of losartan, and brought it down while heading down when waking.  As well, I split a pill, taking half.  Along with half of a carvedilol.  I have been taking a bit more carvedilol than really planned, but... okay.  A bit extra, to start out, I don't mind.  But, the goal is to get medicine sets set up so as to not be... guessing, or overdoing.  Though I may do more, scheduled, for the first week or so.  Then get it set for the lessor amounts.  Titrating to get a better blood level of the stuff a bit quicker.

Between this, that, vix, and else, I am breathing better.  Curious how things turn out over the next week.  Still not sure why my ribs, torso in general, feels so sore.  Painkillers helped with the pain, but it's still stiff, under the covered pain.  On to bed.

Hopefully I can keep this schedule.  It's a bit off, but it means I am awake during the day, mostly.  And up just enough in the night to cool the house down.  Then get some sleep while it is cool.  It's an odd schedule.  But that's fine.

Slightly better.

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Far from even as solidly imperfect as a while back.  But, better than the last two days.  Mostly.  My torso feels like it has been crushed, somehow.  Breathing is still strained, shallow.  Phlegm returns, but is released well enough, when I... realize it is the problem.  I almost always feel short of breath, though.  Just, with the snot shot out, getting some air is... easier.

The ac got the upstairs down to 72/73 near me.  I turned that off while waking at about 22:30.  Opened the windows, turned off one of the thans, the other on.  Then, downstairs to open up and get fresh cooler air in.  It is 73/74, or the opposite?  Okay, the front room is the warmer room.  Outside is around 63.

I lit some fans, opened windows a crack, and am hoping that will help some.  Loud, in here, but it could be worse.  Could be hotter, and loud.

I didn't sleep.

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Tried to push through.  Did push through.  The heart isn't so pained, if I am stretching things beyond what you might imagine.  Even so, I did it.  It is 15:15, as I write.  I am tired.  My neck hurts, lightly.  But all else seems good.

The last I checked outdoors, it was 76?  Not sure, if I suspect it has warmed since.  I just can't go check.  My next job will be to make it up to bed.  Nothing else.  The ac is still running, so it should be cooler up there?  Will find out.

Gaming, from time to time.  Watching vids.  Trying to figure out what to do in the game.  Ugh.  It's... gotten complicated.  Not blocked in by too many things, and there are several ways I could go.  Tried one of several bosses I could do.  Was told it was an easy boss.  It's not.  But, it isn't the next on the recommended list.  I'll go do that one, the recommended one, when I wake again.

So tired.  But I didn't lose day and night, or not yet.  Will see how things work.

Couldn't sleep.

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Just too warm.  Strange, because it really isn't?  It was in the low 70s down here.  Currently, near the computer, it is only 72.  Must be 68 to 70 in the rest of the house.  The ac has been running upstairs.  It should be cooler, though maybe not all that cool.  The upstairs, when the world heats, is doing good to get down to 73.  But that is in high summer.  I don't think it is quite there yet.

It rained again, before I woke.  After?  Not sure.  Had to check.  If for no other reason than to just... get up, on my feet, see if I could do it without too much trouble.  Well, it took my breath away, but I was able to get to it quickly.

The water that was out there is mostly gone.  No new, from the looks of it.  It is 52.  Pleasantly so.  It is 71.8/9 down here.  Even with things open and the fans going.  Summer is definitely back.  However, I am managing the warmth much better... again this year.  Probably better than even last year.  If, too, it hasn't been hot for long.  It'll wear me out quickly, on top of being ill.  Meh, fine.

Rough, better.

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I got some sleep.  Yesterday I tried using a packed sleeping bag as a bit of a... platform.  I was so tired, breathing so poorly, and having so many other problems, that I simply couldn't sort out the world.  It helped, but not even close to optimally.

Tonight i pulled the sleeping bag out and packed it, as a bit of a ramp, and put my pillows on it however they would fill the space better.  And, yes, it helped.  Further, I was able to get to where I could sleep somewhat comfortably.  The only real problem, other than some remaining if more minor breathing problems, was the warmth.

It was 79 up there.  That's... just... too warm.  It was a bit warm even yesterday, but there was nothing I could do about it.  And that wasn't the major problem.  Tonight I was able to get one of the ac units in the window, and get it lit.  But only after baking until I woke.  I won't be able to sleep for a while for it.  But, it should be cooler up there.

Ever so slightly better.

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Have you ever exerted yourself to the point of seeing stars, blacking out?  Right.  I've been on the verge of that for the last two, even three days... the last week nearly.  If the last few days have been the absolute worst.  I first tried making sure I put on compression socks every day, then added waterpills into my menu.

It kept getting worse.  And, sleeping, laying down, reclining, was becoming impossible.  Or... nearing it.  I needed sleep, still do, very badly.  The fear, during the night, is that I might choke on phlem or else, that it might... get me.  Seriously.  It was concerning.

I guess I don't mind dying, but that would be a difficult way.  I have been keeping an eye open, and a sense of things about me.  There are some ways I would rather not die?  Yes, I think that is it.  So, yes, I've been fighting this, and sort of losing.  Just, not losing everything, or yet.

I started taking some of my heart medicine today, and adding in aspirin.  It is either beginning to help, or I was about to get better anyway.  I suspect the former.  As I don't think this will get better on it's own, or... not right now.  Maybe, through time, I can back off medication.  Or... not.  Will have to see.

I am really hoping even the partial dose will allow me to sleep.  Who knows, perhaps it will let me die in my sleep.  I'll see tonight, and really through the next week.  Okay, yes, this is... probably as bad as it has gotten.  Though, it was through something like this, which eventually got them to treat my heart, and stop gaslighting me about this all being depression or other bogus diagnosis'.  Assholes.

Now, that time, I thought it was a "walking pneumonia", or some such.  I had it for six months.  So... yes.  I guess I have had it worse.  But it doesn't feel like it while in it.  This has just been a few days, maybe weeks?  Perhaps a month or two.  That was at least six months, though I... may have ignored it for a while before then as well.

It's staying a bit warmer.  Got to 77 up front, 74 everywhere else (downstairs).  Not sure about upstairs.  Outside?  I thought it had gotten to 88?  Or... was that yesterday?  77 for sure?  I thought so, but can't be absolutely certain.  In any case, a storm passed through.  It rained.  The temp is around 80 out there, currently.  Though not sure the rain is finished.  Very surprised we got any rain though.  Very odd for this time of year.  Usually, when rain stops for a bit, it's gone for good.  And we had it until a week ago, or so.  Strange for it to be back.  Farmers probably aren't happy.  They need some dry weather, hot dry weather, for crops to work out.

Just going out, getting the grill going, and checking the weather, wore me out a bit.  Not as bad as the last few days.  But... troubling.  Hoping it'll get better in the next few days.  Grilling up a steak today.  Hungry.  Or... am I?  Maybe I just know I need food.  Been back on kefir, and vinegar tonics.  Off the salami and cheese.  Ugh.  That was ripping me up.  I am almost... over it.

Well... on to gaming?  Hmm, after dinner anyway.

Monday?

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I've been doing well, tracking days, lately.  Even in my rougher state.  Not yesterday.  The last day I remember was Saturday, and I thought that was yesterday.  Though, my lungs are really messed up, sleep is terribly off, and some other things.  Too much cheese and salami, which has caused lots of pushing, which... leaves my stomach/torso area feeling bruised and broken.

Odd pangs, of pain.  Not just in that area.  Pins and needles, but from extreme pressure, or from heart problems?  I can't say.

I fought, last night, for more sleep.  But staying down is difficult, was.  I did it.  Not without suffering.  And I didn't sleep well.  Still, more sleep.  My body tried to wake me up around 19:30, or so, after going down around 16:00?  I refused, tried to get more sleep, stayed down until 2:00.

Brutal.

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Okay.  Well, this is as bad as it has gotten.  My heart, while I sleep, try to sleep, is struggling greatly.  Lungs are backfilling.  Waterpills just... aren't getting it.  Besides, the compression socks and hose keep that pretty much at bay, save in the torso.  Nothing will probably help that?  Hmm, might... consider a few... options.  Though not sure compressing the torso would work, as I am already struggling to breath.

I do have medication left over.  Old.  But it might work.  Though, as I remember, half of the doses, of the main two drugs, plus back then the waterpills and potent potassium pills, was enough to relieve symptoms.  I can go without the waterpills, for now.  And, thus, I can skip the potassium.  I have some of each on hand, just in case.

So, for now, I will try carvedilol and losartin, at half doses.  I will, then too, only use them until symptoms relent, then run just a bit longer, then back off.  Quit them, until/unless symptoms return.  That should mean these pills will last... a few more years.  It is what it is.  If I had a wife, we could go to real medical.  But, as is, I would be required to go to the V.A.  Which, I can't, because of the mask mandate.

Warm out there.

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A steak, and fried potatoes, for lunch.  Oh, delicious.  I am getting the cooking for meats down.  This one was very easy, being thick cut.  Kefir before, vinegar tonic after.  I haven't been eating or drinking well, right, as I intend.  Too tired, confused, and such.  

It was 86 last I looked, 82 when I first started my meal about wo hours ago.  It's... going up.  I shut the house down, including upstairs.  This evening, if it is still too warm up there by 16:00 to 18:00, I'll put an ac in one of the windows and get it lit.  Just use it for a few hours though.  I don't need it really cool anymore, it seems.  And, though, I was able to sleep in the high 70s, I prefer not to?  Right.

I had hoped to get to some work today.  Any work.  Ain't going to happen.  Barely staying awake.  Though, really, I did turn days and nights around in the last few days, so... it's going to be difficult.  The trick will be to keep days, not have it flip back.  My body prefers to be awake in the cool of the night.

Is a nightowl a biological thing?  A psychology thing?  Or something else?  I do know that the night is more muted, comfortable.  Cats, owls, and other things... their senses are overloaded during the day.  I suspect I have similar problems.  Or, maybe, I simple see, hear, think, and feel better at night.  As a fact, I know I do.  Days are miserable for me.  And, yet, I... try.

Beastly difficult day.

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Almost no blood spit up, if so a very very light shade of pink.  Which... is good.  If there, and it might have been, it was almost not visible.  But I think I saw some.  Quite a lot of material out, but it came out well.  I thought I got most of it out.  Gurgling, though, with a rattling cough through the night.  It was good to wake, spit that out, and sit up.  Rough.  Better.

But, for it, I could barely breath while dressing and getting down.  Just... I couldn't feed Sassy, or do much else than check the outside temp and open windows while turning on fans.

It was rather warm upstairs!  It was 77 in the main, 78 near me.  Downstairs, closed up, was 71/73 (main/up front).  And outside was about 55?  I checked just now and it is to 53, so cooling a bit more.  I need to get the house as cool as possible, and then close up before it gets too hot out there.  And, I may put an ac in upstairs.  Leaving it open most of the day, then turning the ac on for a few hours before bedtime.  Just... to get it a bit cooler.  It seems I am... acclimated, to a degree.  I was sleeping like a babe.  Other than the lungs filling a bit.