.
.
Getting out to the yard is most unlikely. I really need to find someone who will tend it and soon. I have an appointment Monday, but might try to call around before I go. Not only am I still bushed, the little I have attended has left me even more exhausted. In such a state, running out of breath happens quickly. I would guess various edema and congestive heart failure are leaving me rather shallow in the capacity department. So be it.
I am tired today. Sassy was being too fussy so out the door she went. For some reason she is hungry all the time at this point. Three cans of wet and about half that of dry, add in treats several times a day, and she does nothing but beg. Two weeks ago she couldn't eat three quarters or less of that. Perhaps spring/summer is here for her metabolism? In any case, I weary of her begging, tearing around in a pout, and ripping things up. She will learn to hunt or be calm. It is nice to have some peace and quiet though, too. Sam goes out most of the day as the days have warmed. She, actually, is company I would enjoy. Go figure.
It is strange, but tracking things on the calender and various boards, using post-it notes, cell phone, and such, has slowed down the passage of time. Much of my life is about waiting for the next event and hoping I can get there on time when it arrives. I need to find something to fill the time better. For a while, television, blogging, news, and minor research was able to eat the little bit of time I had available to be awake. As I become more fully awake, these things are taking too little of my time and are unsatisfactory in flushing out the volume of functional time. Working too much is still a bit of an obstacle. I need to find something more that isn't physically too straining, either. I'm... working on it.
Hmm, looks like it might rain again. I see Arizona in a blaze, thanks in large part to the conservation efforts of the green army, and the light green army (typical conservationists along with mountain fire brigades). Typical of man "saving" his environment for "the kids". At least this one doesn't look like it was lit by the greens to keep trees out of the hands of loggers, directly. Ah well. I wonder if a single bit of this learning moment will, actually, function as intended? Will the courts wake up and toss frivolous lawsuits? Will fire jumpers be sent home and people who build in the wilderness be told there is danger and the danger is not communal? We will see. Well, once the smoke clears.
Hmm, on to... something. Have a great day.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Suicide.
.
.
No, no, not a consideration. After writing that last post, about finding someone was actually jealous of my foibles in life, the notion of suicide came up. While one might consider another lucky, perhaps even blessed, to have survived suicide and other death causing situations, how could surviving such be considered "lucky" when what puts someone in such a state to ponder suicide and then finally act on it is also put in the equation?
Regardless of what some might think, I am quite rational. I am rather sane. When you add in the givens, shake with time and the spices of learning, bake at whatever the mean temperature has been around my person, you will find that I am probably a bit more on the side of logic and reason than not. I would guess by a great amount, when capable, I choose reason. My emotional responses are fine, natural, and often when ignorance and lack of control have contributed to events. Sometimes rightly, sometimes not.
For example, if I am drowning, do I panic and go all out or do I try to stay calm and work through the situation. The truth, from relatively recent events, is both. I used reason and logic until an opportunity presented itself to let go and become animal if then even in a somewhat controlled manner. Going down a wild river, I kept it in my head to kick my leg back when my foot caught on the bottom. My foot became caught on the bottom because I was following instructions about how to keep my feet down-river and my face up should I fall in the river. But when I got near anything I might or did catch hold, I let go of reason and clambered. Usually uselessly, but that isn't the point. The only time I did that with some caution was when the guide was involved. I didn't want to pull him in or overturn the raft. Which, yeah, I probably could have done both of those things.
So, how did I ever end up being suicidal? Simply put, I went through more pain than I could find a way to tolerate. Even after I had been retired, so having no demands put on me, I could not escape the pain. I could not sleep, and still can't, enough to ever feel rested. As well, I have always felt compelled to work, perform, do. Honestly though, the simple pain of existence was more than I could bear. I never gladly considered suicide and I never contemplated it from an insane notion. I didn't even consider it from the socialist notion that I owed society so if I couldn't work I didn't deserve life. No, it was merely an inability to deal with the pain I was suffering. I guess my question to you is how much pain would it take to break you down? Do you consider yourself more emotional or more logical? If you are more emotive, understand you would be easier to break down.
Most people don't consider that. They can't. It's an emotional black hole. I think most humans have, at one time or another, for even the shortest of moments, seen past their personal will to live. They have been in situations where suicide, and worse, become... preferable. But viewing those moments or the causes in retrospect, touching that darkness, possibly even remembering that, might be more than most can or will do. I think most of you know though. You must, now, consider this. I live in that place you cannot think about or possibly more than peripherally remember. While it's not good... it's... not bad.
It's going on... sixteen years I believe, since the last time I even contemplated suicide. Nothing has improved in my life in a material way. With the loss of school since I don't believe I am employable and the illness of late, I think it would be reasonable to assume things have gotten worse. Not a flicker of old intentions has even shadowed my mind. Not for a moment. Some anger at the situation. Frustration on top of frustration to be sure. What did change was becoming an actual Christian. If logic and humor might be combined, and a twist of the literal tongue and a bit of forbearance on the part of other Christians, one might even say my life has improved immaterially? *chuckles* Though sometimes I take the notion Christ set forth regarding one of His temptations too literally... Not by bread alone. Perhaps, for me, sometimes it is by faith alone. A little bread, once in a while, isn't bad either. Well, I do get that too. Once in a while. No, I would guess it probably isn't possible to take that too literally, save in a peevish little way. (Which I can be want to do! I do get over it.)
Later or good night.
.
No, no, not a consideration. After writing that last post, about finding someone was actually jealous of my foibles in life, the notion of suicide came up. While one might consider another lucky, perhaps even blessed, to have survived suicide and other death causing situations, how could surviving such be considered "lucky" when what puts someone in such a state to ponder suicide and then finally act on it is also put in the equation?
Regardless of what some might think, I am quite rational. I am rather sane. When you add in the givens, shake with time and the spices of learning, bake at whatever the mean temperature has been around my person, you will find that I am probably a bit more on the side of logic and reason than not. I would guess by a great amount, when capable, I choose reason. My emotional responses are fine, natural, and often when ignorance and lack of control have contributed to events. Sometimes rightly, sometimes not.
For example, if I am drowning, do I panic and go all out or do I try to stay calm and work through the situation. The truth, from relatively recent events, is both. I used reason and logic until an opportunity presented itself to let go and become animal if then even in a somewhat controlled manner. Going down a wild river, I kept it in my head to kick my leg back when my foot caught on the bottom. My foot became caught on the bottom because I was following instructions about how to keep my feet down-river and my face up should I fall in the river. But when I got near anything I might or did catch hold, I let go of reason and clambered. Usually uselessly, but that isn't the point. The only time I did that with some caution was when the guide was involved. I didn't want to pull him in or overturn the raft. Which, yeah, I probably could have done both of those things.
So, how did I ever end up being suicidal? Simply put, I went through more pain than I could find a way to tolerate. Even after I had been retired, so having no demands put on me, I could not escape the pain. I could not sleep, and still can't, enough to ever feel rested. As well, I have always felt compelled to work, perform, do. Honestly though, the simple pain of existence was more than I could bear. I never gladly considered suicide and I never contemplated it from an insane notion. I didn't even consider it from the socialist notion that I owed society so if I couldn't work I didn't deserve life. No, it was merely an inability to deal with the pain I was suffering. I guess my question to you is how much pain would it take to break you down? Do you consider yourself more emotional or more logical? If you are more emotive, understand you would be easier to break down.
Most people don't consider that. They can't. It's an emotional black hole. I think most humans have, at one time or another, for even the shortest of moments, seen past their personal will to live. They have been in situations where suicide, and worse, become... preferable. But viewing those moments or the causes in retrospect, touching that darkness, possibly even remembering that, might be more than most can or will do. I think most of you know though. You must, now, consider this. I live in that place you cannot think about or possibly more than peripherally remember. While it's not good... it's... not bad.
It's going on... sixteen years I believe, since the last time I even contemplated suicide. Nothing has improved in my life in a material way. With the loss of school since I don't believe I am employable and the illness of late, I think it would be reasonable to assume things have gotten worse. Not a flicker of old intentions has even shadowed my mind. Not for a moment. Some anger at the situation. Frustration on top of frustration to be sure. What did change was becoming an actual Christian. If logic and humor might be combined, and a twist of the literal tongue and a bit of forbearance on the part of other Christians, one might even say my life has improved immaterially? *chuckles* Though sometimes I take the notion Christ set forth regarding one of His temptations too literally... Not by bread alone. Perhaps, for me, sometimes it is by faith alone. A little bread, once in a while, isn't bad either. Well, I do get that too. Once in a while. No, I would guess it probably isn't possible to take that too literally, save in a peevish little way. (Which I can be want to do! I do get over it.)
Later or good night.
Too funny.
.
.
A number of years back I met with a group of people. As is often the case, when meeting strangers, stories are shared. Of course, some fiction creeps in. Sometimes to enhance, sometimes to protect the innocent, sometimes to protect the guilty. I will not lie about stretching tales from time to time. Still, the main of any story remains rather true. In any case, in the telling of my tales I had to laugh, most of the time. A life, even an exciting one, which is mostly one failure then another, sometimes linked sometimes not, while interesting should in no way allow for jealousy.
That is, however, exactly what happened. It was not mentioned, regarding the stories themselves. But after a near fatal adventure with the group, one of the men suggested something about me just showing off again. I did laugh, and heartily. I suggested the next time he has the opportunity, perhaps he should fail. I still never quite got it and I am still chuckling about it when the memory arises. I wonder if he would be jealous of pulmonary edema too? *grins*
I am resting today. I think I could press myself into action but I think it would be unwise. More, I hope to do yard work tomorrow. I am not sure how much I can do. I suppose I will find out. Picking up sticks and running the weed whip will be targeted for the "morning". If I have more, I may begin mowing with the push mower in small areas, taking breaks as needed.
I feel a desperate need for sleep. I have held off as much as possible. I think I am losing that fight. Concentration is zero. Keeping my eyes open is a struggle. Keeping my neck in line and my posture correct is beyond my ability. A nap, I think. Probably a short one. Though I feel the need to sleep I also know my body won't sleep well. I hate that realization though this time it might work in my favor. Too much sleep would throw my days off and make any work tomorrow an improbability. Something about turning lemons into lemonade.
Later.
.
A number of years back I met with a group of people. As is often the case, when meeting strangers, stories are shared. Of course, some fiction creeps in. Sometimes to enhance, sometimes to protect the innocent, sometimes to protect the guilty. I will not lie about stretching tales from time to time. Still, the main of any story remains rather true. In any case, in the telling of my tales I had to laugh, most of the time. A life, even an exciting one, which is mostly one failure then another, sometimes linked sometimes not, while interesting should in no way allow for jealousy.
That is, however, exactly what happened. It was not mentioned, regarding the stories themselves. But after a near fatal adventure with the group, one of the men suggested something about me just showing off again. I did laugh, and heartily. I suggested the next time he has the opportunity, perhaps he should fail. I still never quite got it and I am still chuckling about it when the memory arises. I wonder if he would be jealous of pulmonary edema too? *grins*
I am resting today. I think I could press myself into action but I think it would be unwise. More, I hope to do yard work tomorrow. I am not sure how much I can do. I suppose I will find out. Picking up sticks and running the weed whip will be targeted for the "morning". If I have more, I may begin mowing with the push mower in small areas, taking breaks as needed.
I feel a desperate need for sleep. I have held off as much as possible. I think I am losing that fight. Concentration is zero. Keeping my eyes open is a struggle. Keeping my neck in line and my posture correct is beyond my ability. A nap, I think. Probably a short one. Though I feel the need to sleep I also know my body won't sleep well. I hate that realization though this time it might work in my favor. Too much sleep would throw my days off and make any work tomorrow an improbability. Something about turning lemons into lemonade.
Later.
Up a bit late and a bit rough.
.
.
Not a really bad day though, considering everything. It seems like I was suffering from dehydration last night, in spite of drinking as much as I possibly could have for most of yesterday afternoon. The headache and a general sense of being hot, like a cast iron oven after it's been fired, and of course being really tired combined to make me think this morning was going to be brutal. I did sleep until 13:00 or so. That side ache I have is there and getting worse, but that has been the case for over a week now (as a returning old condition, if with a slight different twist). A little headache is also present, and some body fatigue from being statically positioned in an auto all day and then probably not rolling much while I slept. Anacin should handle those. Not bad.
Sassy was hollering for food this "morning". Sam just wanted let out. Being that it was a bit late, I just fed Sassy right away. I thought I had waken a few times to her meowling and a phone call. Since I can see I didn't receive a phone call I doubt if I woke to Sassy either. Dreams. I hate the normal seeming dreams that confuse the real with the dream. I can have whole weeks pass in the dream world sometimes, even a year once, though it has been a long time since that happened. Sassy still wants something. Playing with her isn't it, she doesn't want out... maybe she just likes to fuss.
The pain in my side is getting worse. It is like a pulled muscle from slipping, or something. It 'cuts' from the middle center back (between my ribs and hip) on my right side up to the upper middle of my torso right at the bottom of the ribs, and from deep inside me to near the surface, like a ribbon of hurt. I have no idea what is causing it. Anacin helps for a few hours but even then only slightly. It's a weird thing. Most of the other pains are gone though. Do doctors have any idea what any of this means? I doubt it. Either that or they won't say.
I go in next week for cardiology. I doubt if they can help. Since the specialists I have seen so far don't know what the exact problem is (or won't say, speculate) I am hoping for a little more detailed diagnosis and prognosis. I am sure they will simply look over my corpse, see if they can accentuate pains whatever reason, call for more testing, and pretty much ignore my questions. They will probably try to have me take more medicine. If this goes anything like what I have seen and heard so far. I am merely another experiment. I don't expect much.
Well, on to... something. Have a good day.
.
Not a really bad day though, considering everything. It seems like I was suffering from dehydration last night, in spite of drinking as much as I possibly could have for most of yesterday afternoon. The headache and a general sense of being hot, like a cast iron oven after it's been fired, and of course being really tired combined to make me think this morning was going to be brutal. I did sleep until 13:00 or so. That side ache I have is there and getting worse, but that has been the case for over a week now (as a returning old condition, if with a slight different twist). A little headache is also present, and some body fatigue from being statically positioned in an auto all day and then probably not rolling much while I slept. Anacin should handle those. Not bad.
Sassy was hollering for food this "morning". Sam just wanted let out. Being that it was a bit late, I just fed Sassy right away. I thought I had waken a few times to her meowling and a phone call. Since I can see I didn't receive a phone call I doubt if I woke to Sassy either. Dreams. I hate the normal seeming dreams that confuse the real with the dream. I can have whole weeks pass in the dream world sometimes, even a year once, though it has been a long time since that happened. Sassy still wants something. Playing with her isn't it, she doesn't want out... maybe she just likes to fuss.
The pain in my side is getting worse. It is like a pulled muscle from slipping, or something. It 'cuts' from the middle center back (between my ribs and hip) on my right side up to the upper middle of my torso right at the bottom of the ribs, and from deep inside me to near the surface, like a ribbon of hurt. I have no idea what is causing it. Anacin helps for a few hours but even then only slightly. It's a weird thing. Most of the other pains are gone though. Do doctors have any idea what any of this means? I doubt it. Either that or they won't say.
I go in next week for cardiology. I doubt if they can help. Since the specialists I have seen so far don't know what the exact problem is (or won't say, speculate) I am hoping for a little more detailed diagnosis and prognosis. I am sure they will simply look over my corpse, see if they can accentuate pains whatever reason, call for more testing, and pretty much ignore my questions. They will probably try to have me take more medicine. If this goes anything like what I have seen and heard so far. I am merely another experiment. I don't expect much.
Well, on to... something. Have a good day.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
That didn't work.
.
.
I made it to my early appointment on time. The doctor seems impressed with my vision. Well, it is terrible without glasses. But corrected, I have superior vision, an oddity for as bad as my eyes are and given severe astigmatism. Dry eyes it seems, though. Something about a washcloth morning and night and artificial tears four times a day. I will do what I can. A stop at travel for reimbursement and a discussion. The last time I was there I had them put in for travel. He forgot and it didn't show up, but the guy I talked to was the guy who did that last time too. Same appointments. He looked them up though and they aren't even in computer. I have to get that fixed.
Afterwards, I went to lunch at a spot that is sort of famous. I didn't see something on the lunch menu that really shined, so I went with a barbeque pork sandwich and deep fried mac and cheese. It was good, in the way that everything about it was very good and I could tell, but it really wasn't my thing. I will have to try breakfast there some time. The one thing that struck me was the marinara sauce that came with the mac and cheese tasted just like my mom's goulash. I have tried a thousand different recipes to recreate that, in spite of it not being my favorite, for old times sake or something. No go, but she did it. I used it too, in spite of it not being my favorite. Oh well, humans are funny creatures. (Note: I do love most of my mom's food, and even the goulash (mostly), so this is no rub. Just, well, a note.)
I then headed off to look for a place it turns out is out of business. On my way, and during a data acquisition stop, I found another place that would work better. I had seen it online but it seemed harder to find so I had skipped it. I couldn't initially find it, either. I did see a surplus store and there are a few things on my list I thought that store might have. Yes indeed. A folding shovel (larger than the one I ordered online, you never can tell so seeing them in person is the best way to buy). I also found two 2 liter collapsible canteens and strapped cases for those. And I finally bought rag head gear. I've wanted a few of those for a while now. One is black and white, the other is coyote, mostly. As I was paying, I asked about the gun store. Oh, sure, down the block and... something or other. She was cute, sue me. I lose track of what some women say almost as soon as they start talking. Meh, I found it anyway. She could have been my daughter and she was still flirting and blushing. Huh? I thought I just said hello, or something.
On to the gun shop. I waited until the place was a little quieter and I began to speak with the proprietor or one of the senior seeming workers. It is embarrassing to say you haven't been allowed to buy a gun. Then I explained I couldn't have anything on my record, Iowa had allowed a permit to buy handguns (which is easily translated into a concealed permit, as the checks are equivalent). That I had had to apply for that every year and had kept it up for four years. That I had messed with Utah's agency, who sent me to the FBI, who said it was a state issue, before I simply lost track. But I did. I asked for advice. Initially he was a bit apprehensive. After speaking to me a bit, learning I have plenty of pistols, longarms, and a shotgun and have for years (and a reloading press), and knew a bit about quite a few various rifle and pistol calibers (so not your average "Huh? Does it go bang!?!11?!" citizen), he lightened up. He showed me a number of .308's and quite an assortment of .357's. I really want a pistol for hiking/hunting back up and a rifle (possibly a .308) for hunting and maybe some plinking.
He suggested that I simply try to buy, and the shop being right near the firearm agency, if there was a problem I could get right on top of it. There are mistakes, mistaken identities, stolen identities, and other problems. He suggested the FBI shouldn't be involved, that it was most likely a state issue. Since Iowa wasn't a problem, Utah shouldn't be. We will see. I saw a nice little five round .357 that would be a joy to own. This coming month, with cat costs mostly tended and other bills caught up, I should have enough to try for that... and a conceal carry permit. And, yes, I probably would carry at all times. The .45 and .357 would offer very sound options. I might even consider a smaller caliber as I am hearing that shot placement is more vital than caliber, as I realize even a pug .38 can be accurate as all get-out (even in my club of a hand), and convenience of carry and good concealment is more important than overdressing or not carrying in the first place. Yeah, okay, so even an old dog can learn. But is it technically a new trick?
That ate up the time to 19:00, but what to do with the last two and a half hours? Pizza? Pizza it was. I found the sleep study center, for sure, so decided to go find food. I had passed the pizza place when I overshot the entrance to the study center. Back up the road and food was right there. Not having ever ordered anchovies on pizza before, I decided to get that on half the pie. Hmm. Not to my great liking, as it turns out. Still, waste not want not and I did neither. I have learned to love anchovies melted into olive oil then cooking the beef in that, it gives the mess a more powerful meat taste, makes it richer somehow, and just does good things. I even enjoy a couple of anchovies when I need a salt fix, or am sewer shopping flavortown. But hot, in your face, on top, and in front on a pizza... not so much.
Back to the sleep center. I decided to wait until 21:20. Though technically I was not due until 21:30, the paperwork they sent me to fill out could not be filled out. My printer is not meshing with the computer. A little early would allow me to do that and yet not make me a very early arriver (nuisance). There was someone out front, but they weren't going in. Finally, at 21:20, I grabbed my stuff and went up. I rang the bell. Nothing. It was dark inside too, though maybe that was just the front room. I waited until 21:30, then 21:40, then I called. It seems the tech, a very solid worker, had not only not shown up they also could not reach him. Or, that is what I heard. So, it was put off until... I don't know. I simply asked that transportation be funded. That is why, I explained, I stayed in town all day.
Tired, yes. I made it home in an hour and a half with the low traffic volume and it being a little closer than the hospital proper, despite some construction. I was so ready to sleep, perhaps too ready though. I had worried about that earlier in the day. That is the longest I have been up and functional and having to be places in a very long time. I feel like I cooked in the sun. I did drink throughout the day, but being out there is so much different than being at home. I should sleep like a baby tonight. Or not be able to sleep at all. We will see.
Good night.
.
I made it to my early appointment on time. The doctor seems impressed with my vision. Well, it is terrible without glasses. But corrected, I have superior vision, an oddity for as bad as my eyes are and given severe astigmatism. Dry eyes it seems, though. Something about a washcloth morning and night and artificial tears four times a day. I will do what I can. A stop at travel for reimbursement and a discussion. The last time I was there I had them put in for travel. He forgot and it didn't show up, but the guy I talked to was the guy who did that last time too. Same appointments. He looked them up though and they aren't even in computer. I have to get that fixed.
Afterwards, I went to lunch at a spot that is sort of famous. I didn't see something on the lunch menu that really shined, so I went with a barbeque pork sandwich and deep fried mac and cheese. It was good, in the way that everything about it was very good and I could tell, but it really wasn't my thing. I will have to try breakfast there some time. The one thing that struck me was the marinara sauce that came with the mac and cheese tasted just like my mom's goulash. I have tried a thousand different recipes to recreate that, in spite of it not being my favorite, for old times sake or something. No go, but she did it. I used it too, in spite of it not being my favorite. Oh well, humans are funny creatures. (Note: I do love most of my mom's food, and even the goulash (mostly), so this is no rub. Just, well, a note.)
I then headed off to look for a place it turns out is out of business. On my way, and during a data acquisition stop, I found another place that would work better. I had seen it online but it seemed harder to find so I had skipped it. I couldn't initially find it, either. I did see a surplus store and there are a few things on my list I thought that store might have. Yes indeed. A folding shovel (larger than the one I ordered online, you never can tell so seeing them in person is the best way to buy). I also found two 2 liter collapsible canteens and strapped cases for those. And I finally bought rag head gear. I've wanted a few of those for a while now. One is black and white, the other is coyote, mostly. As I was paying, I asked about the gun store. Oh, sure, down the block and... something or other. She was cute, sue me. I lose track of what some women say almost as soon as they start talking. Meh, I found it anyway. She could have been my daughter and she was still flirting and blushing. Huh? I thought I just said hello, or something.
On to the gun shop. I waited until the place was a little quieter and I began to speak with the proprietor or one of the senior seeming workers. It is embarrassing to say you haven't been allowed to buy a gun. Then I explained I couldn't have anything on my record, Iowa had allowed a permit to buy handguns (which is easily translated into a concealed permit, as the checks are equivalent). That I had had to apply for that every year and had kept it up for four years. That I had messed with Utah's agency, who sent me to the FBI, who said it was a state issue, before I simply lost track. But I did. I asked for advice. Initially he was a bit apprehensive. After speaking to me a bit, learning I have plenty of pistols, longarms, and a shotgun and have for years (and a reloading press), and knew a bit about quite a few various rifle and pistol calibers (so not your average "Huh? Does it go bang!?!11?!" citizen), he lightened up. He showed me a number of .308's and quite an assortment of .357's. I really want a pistol for hiking/hunting back up and a rifle (possibly a .308) for hunting and maybe some plinking.
He suggested that I simply try to buy, and the shop being right near the firearm agency, if there was a problem I could get right on top of it. There are mistakes, mistaken identities, stolen identities, and other problems. He suggested the FBI shouldn't be involved, that it was most likely a state issue. Since Iowa wasn't a problem, Utah shouldn't be. We will see. I saw a nice little five round .357 that would be a joy to own. This coming month, with cat costs mostly tended and other bills caught up, I should have enough to try for that... and a conceal carry permit. And, yes, I probably would carry at all times. The .45 and .357 would offer very sound options. I might even consider a smaller caliber as I am hearing that shot placement is more vital than caliber, as I realize even a pug .38 can be accurate as all get-out (even in my club of a hand), and convenience of carry and good concealment is more important than overdressing or not carrying in the first place. Yeah, okay, so even an old dog can learn. But is it technically a new trick?
That ate up the time to 19:00, but what to do with the last two and a half hours? Pizza? Pizza it was. I found the sleep study center, for sure, so decided to go find food. I had passed the pizza place when I overshot the entrance to the study center. Back up the road and food was right there. Not having ever ordered anchovies on pizza before, I decided to get that on half the pie. Hmm. Not to my great liking, as it turns out. Still, waste not want not and I did neither. I have learned to love anchovies melted into olive oil then cooking the beef in that, it gives the mess a more powerful meat taste, makes it richer somehow, and just does good things. I even enjoy a couple of anchovies when I need a salt fix, or am sewer shopping flavortown. But hot, in your face, on top, and in front on a pizza... not so much.
Back to the sleep center. I decided to wait until 21:20. Though technically I was not due until 21:30, the paperwork they sent me to fill out could not be filled out. My printer is not meshing with the computer. A little early would allow me to do that and yet not make me a very early arriver (nuisance). There was someone out front, but they weren't going in. Finally, at 21:20, I grabbed my stuff and went up. I rang the bell. Nothing. It was dark inside too, though maybe that was just the front room. I waited until 21:30, then 21:40, then I called. It seems the tech, a very solid worker, had not only not shown up they also could not reach him. Or, that is what I heard. So, it was put off until... I don't know. I simply asked that transportation be funded. That is why, I explained, I stayed in town all day.
Tired, yes. I made it home in an hour and a half with the low traffic volume and it being a little closer than the hospital proper, despite some construction. I was so ready to sleep, perhaps too ready though. I had worried about that earlier in the day. That is the longest I have been up and functional and having to be places in a very long time. I feel like I cooked in the sun. I did drink throughout the day, but being out there is so much different than being at home. I should sleep like a baby tonight. Or not be able to sleep at all. We will see.
Good night.
Up. Early.
.
.
I love it when I can set the alarm a bit earlier than normal sleep needs would generally allow and still be awake before the alarm. Today was just such a day. A full half hour of extra prep time, especially when I am functional enough to employ it, is a great benefit. Though with as long of a day as I am looking ahead to, perhaps the extra sleep would have been better. What am I going to do for the seven and a half hours between appointments? Now is when a laptop would be nice. Actually I have one but I can't find the power cord. It's just a little junker, more like those tablets. It's probably more powerful than those but less powerful than even a mild gaming rig. Still, prep time, on this particular day, is good.
Rolling thunder and lightning is right on top of my location this morning. It has been raining, or seems to have been, all night. I don't really remember waking during the night but I still have a sense that pitter and pat where taking place as often as I remember anything last night. I would love to have washed the car rightly today but I doubt if the car wash is open yet and I will have to do it when I return in any case.
I couldn't think of any actual needs for shopping in SLC or Ogden. While extra reloading kit, bullets and cases, would be nice I have not found those locally or don't want to spend the money on those yet. I have enough for another few boxes of cases and even more bullets. Finding some obscure sword store might be a bit of a trick, but the challenge might make it something to do. I need to check for directions to the sleep study place before I go as well. I have their phone number and address in the phone, just in case, as well. I received a call this morning, which I have yet to reply, asking for confirmation that I will be there tonight. Why do companies call from three or four different phone numbers and then have you call back on totally different numbers? You know that is just plane irritating and confusing. It is, as I see it, poor business planning for small businesses.
I best feed the little beasts before they rip the place apart. I have actually started to wait until Sassy calms down. I don't put out food until she quits her pouting. I won't fuel bad behavior. This is an experiment in crowd control. Coming to me and meowing, or begging nicely, fine. Running around like a typical Democrat reprobate, rioting, looting, and thrashing about not getting what they want is not acceptable. I still wonder if we had more Kent States then if we would have far fewer problems now. And, yes, shooting was the correct choice regardless of Democrats caving to their constituency for political convenience in the day. If man becomes animal, he has to be treated as just such a being.
Well, on to making a few calls, a quick shower and all, and then onto the road. I am hoping to be out of here in an hour, if I have slightly more time if needed. How do people do this daily for most of the week? Then again, if you were in my shape regardless of what you think as you read that, you would possibly question how I do even what I do. Someday all will understand, save the lucky few who die in their prime without an hour of downtime. I'll wait for you, if I can. Just to grin at you doubters... while you drool and struggle to stand. Hell, I might even race you... no handicap for wheelchairs at this point though.
.
I love it when I can set the alarm a bit earlier than normal sleep needs would generally allow and still be awake before the alarm. Today was just such a day. A full half hour of extra prep time, especially when I am functional enough to employ it, is a great benefit. Though with as long of a day as I am looking ahead to, perhaps the extra sleep would have been better. What am I going to do for the seven and a half hours between appointments? Now is when a laptop would be nice. Actually I have one but I can't find the power cord. It's just a little junker, more like those tablets. It's probably more powerful than those but less powerful than even a mild gaming rig. Still, prep time, on this particular day, is good.
Rolling thunder and lightning is right on top of my location this morning. It has been raining, or seems to have been, all night. I don't really remember waking during the night but I still have a sense that pitter and pat where taking place as often as I remember anything last night. I would love to have washed the car rightly today but I doubt if the car wash is open yet and I will have to do it when I return in any case.
I couldn't think of any actual needs for shopping in SLC or Ogden. While extra reloading kit, bullets and cases, would be nice I have not found those locally or don't want to spend the money on those yet. I have enough for another few boxes of cases and even more bullets. Finding some obscure sword store might be a bit of a trick, but the challenge might make it something to do. I need to check for directions to the sleep study place before I go as well. I have their phone number and address in the phone, just in case, as well. I received a call this morning, which I have yet to reply, asking for confirmation that I will be there tonight. Why do companies call from three or four different phone numbers and then have you call back on totally different numbers? You know that is just plane irritating and confusing. It is, as I see it, poor business planning for small businesses.
I best feed the little beasts before they rip the place apart. I have actually started to wait until Sassy calms down. I don't put out food until she quits her pouting. I won't fuel bad behavior. This is an experiment in crowd control. Coming to me and meowing, or begging nicely, fine. Running around like a typical Democrat reprobate, rioting, looting, and thrashing about not getting what they want is not acceptable. I still wonder if we had more Kent States then if we would have far fewer problems now. And, yes, shooting was the correct choice regardless of Democrats caving to their constituency for political convenience in the day. If man becomes animal, he has to be treated as just such a being.
Well, on to making a few calls, a quick shower and all, and then onto the road. I am hoping to be out of here in an hour, if I have slightly more time if needed. How do people do this daily for most of the week? Then again, if you were in my shape regardless of what you think as you read that, you would possibly question how I do even what I do. Someday all will understand, save the lucky few who die in their prime without an hour of downtime. I'll wait for you, if I can. Just to grin at you doubters... while you drool and struggle to stand. Hell, I might even race you... no handicap for wheelchairs at this point though.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
A long day tomorrow.
.
.
First thing, after rising, grooming, dressing, and getting going, my eyes are to be inspected. It seems the eye doctor has evil intentions and I am to be the focus of those intentions. Better now... or now? Is this better, or that? Mind if I put this probe through your iris and into your brain stem? Oh fine, then let us continue. Is it clearer now... or now? Okay, maybe I make some of the conversation up. Still I know he is going to want to dilate my eyes. I HATE THAT. From that I extrapolate what cats don't like about water. Hmmm, I may just say no to that tomorrow. They don't really need to see. Like I need another doctor trying to feed me a bushel of new bad news in any case. Grumpy I am. Do not try. There is no try. Do or do not.
After that, I have to stick around in the area until my sleep study. My sleep study isn't until 21:30, so it will be a very long dry hot day. I am not even sure where to go. A park where I could nap sounds good but I think it would throw my sleep study off. I've been looking online for places to go and things to do. Most of it is simply not my cup of tea. It seems leisure pursuits are largely aimed at cows, steers (queers), and calves. Bulls are left to our own devices. I did see a sword shop, I am sure I could locate a gun store or two, but malls, museums, art galleries, and water parks simply won't do. It's a big place, too. So finding my way around should be interesting. I guess I will have to buy a map of the region and figure it out. Hmm, that alone is something to do.
I did make it to town. I stopped at my favorite Mexican place. The food was okay. Either I was not really into food, they were having an off night, or this particular plate simply wasn't to my greatest liking. So goes trying something new on a night where hunger is questionable. I thought to do some shopping but could think of nothing I wanted to buy off hand. While I liked the notion of spending no money, I did not like the notion of wasting a trip to town. I know there are things I need.
As I was heading out of town, the rain stopped. I decided to head back in, fill up my tank, and wash my vehicle properly. After filling up and ordering the wash at my favorite spot, I noticed the car wash was out of service. I use my card so I don't have to deal with people when buying gas. Ah well, in I went. The woman at the counter did not know how to refund the thing. She suggested it would be good to some date? No deal, one of my great skills is losing pieces of stupid paper. Or I could take it to a specific other gas station, go in, have them exchange the wash for another. No, I don't like that other wash and want to deal with more people even less. Not knowing what to do, she simply rang out $8 in cash and stuck the receipt in the drawer. Good enough for my purposes.
I will have to seek help with the lawn from more local sources. The woman at the post office might be a good source. As well, I could call city hall. It depends on when I wake and how fast I can get going. It would be nice to get something going with that. I have been watching my nickels with cat care on the mind. So I have enough laid up for a decent spend if need be. Perhaps too there is an older or needy woman who would be willing to help with dishes and light cleaning. Some people, as they see the hard times hitting and getting worse, realize that $20 or $40 is much preferred to another episode of Oprah or whatever other lame programming is around. We will see.
I keep meaning to blog regarding my definitions of a few words like love, heroism, choice, hope, and faith. I might get to some of those soon. I can't say my versions will be correct, but I can say they will be better than what is often or commonly mistaken for them. I'll be thinking on them tomorrow. It isn't really for the reader, I am just trying to clarify things in my mind. Though input is quite happily welcomed.
Good night. Sleep well.
.
First thing, after rising, grooming, dressing, and getting going, my eyes are to be inspected. It seems the eye doctor has evil intentions and I am to be the focus of those intentions. Better now... or now? Is this better, or that? Mind if I put this probe through your iris and into your brain stem? Oh fine, then let us continue. Is it clearer now... or now? Okay, maybe I make some of the conversation up. Still I know he is going to want to dilate my eyes. I HATE THAT. From that I extrapolate what cats don't like about water. Hmmm, I may just say no to that tomorrow. They don't really need to see. Like I need another doctor trying to feed me a bushel of new bad news in any case. Grumpy I am. Do not try. There is no try. Do or do not.
After that, I have to stick around in the area until my sleep study. My sleep study isn't until 21:30, so it will be a very long dry hot day. I am not even sure where to go. A park where I could nap sounds good but I think it would throw my sleep study off. I've been looking online for places to go and things to do. Most of it is simply not my cup of tea. It seems leisure pursuits are largely aimed at cows, steers (queers), and calves. Bulls are left to our own devices. I did see a sword shop, I am sure I could locate a gun store or two, but malls, museums, art galleries, and water parks simply won't do. It's a big place, too. So finding my way around should be interesting. I guess I will have to buy a map of the region and figure it out. Hmm, that alone is something to do.
I did make it to town. I stopped at my favorite Mexican place. The food was okay. Either I was not really into food, they were having an off night, or this particular plate simply wasn't to my greatest liking. So goes trying something new on a night where hunger is questionable. I thought to do some shopping but could think of nothing I wanted to buy off hand. While I liked the notion of spending no money, I did not like the notion of wasting a trip to town. I know there are things I need.
As I was heading out of town, the rain stopped. I decided to head back in, fill up my tank, and wash my vehicle properly. After filling up and ordering the wash at my favorite spot, I noticed the car wash was out of service. I use my card so I don't have to deal with people when buying gas. Ah well, in I went. The woman at the counter did not know how to refund the thing. She suggested it would be good to some date? No deal, one of my great skills is losing pieces of stupid paper. Or I could take it to a specific other gas station, go in, have them exchange the wash for another. No, I don't like that other wash and want to deal with more people even less. Not knowing what to do, she simply rang out $8 in cash and stuck the receipt in the drawer. Good enough for my purposes.
I will have to seek help with the lawn from more local sources. The woman at the post office might be a good source. As well, I could call city hall. It depends on when I wake and how fast I can get going. It would be nice to get something going with that. I have been watching my nickels with cat care on the mind. So I have enough laid up for a decent spend if need be. Perhaps too there is an older or needy woman who would be willing to help with dishes and light cleaning. Some people, as they see the hard times hitting and getting worse, realize that $20 or $40 is much preferred to another episode of Oprah or whatever other lame programming is around. We will see.
I keep meaning to blog regarding my definitions of a few words like love, heroism, choice, hope, and faith. I might get to some of those soon. I can't say my versions will be correct, but I can say they will be better than what is often or commonly mistaken for them. I'll be thinking on them tomorrow. It isn't really for the reader, I am just trying to clarify things in my mind. Though input is quite happily welcomed.
Good night. Sleep well.
Still... considering supper.
.
.
While I try to decide where to go to eat or whether just to eat something on hand, and time runs out, my mind has been messing with a knot. As I said, I have been praying to God, as usual, and being grateful for what I have seen and done and even for my life as it is. I have had to ask myself why I should be grateful for a rather miserable existence for most of my adult life and for an extremely uncomfortable existence for the last several months. A good question, to be sure. In spite of my faith that my prayers are correct, I wanted to tinker with the logic or thoughts behind being grateful.
For a bit nothing came to me. Much like a writer staring at a blank piece of paper upon which they intend to put various notions from several topics together to form a cohesive argument(s) or point(s), while not really being familiar with any of the topics or sure of the point in anything more than an academic manner, I have merely stewed. Then it just made sense. Like looking at an optical illusion in which a three dimensional object appears, I finally saw the notion.
It isn't about me, other than that I am an observer in a way. Life presents the opportunity to see God's work, to participate with others, to try my hand at doing good where that is possible, and to simply be alive and aware. That is all good, but when those things aren't truly viable because of pain, lack of function, illness, or other things, what is left? What is left is simply being alive, being a part of something that is immense, rich, interesting. Even pain, in one sense, can be seen as something to be experienced, if not enjoyed. Why does it hurt? How exactly is that pain sensed and what does it mean?
Knowing God could lift the pain, remove the illness, and make life quite easy and knowing God has not chosen to do that means little either. Miracles are vehicles used to relay certain things to certain people and for various other reasons. Not all are in line to be healed. Some of us are not even simply allowed to perish. Again, it isn't about me.
When you let go of yourself and just allow life to flow around you. When you can see beyond what is right in front of you. I begin to see how much more there is out there. It is humbling. But it is quite sustaining, too. Yes, I am grateful. No, I suppose not everyone can understand. Try it the next time you ache or are ill. Be grateful, see what else there is to see, you might even find the pain is much more tolerable if that wasn't my point in searching. Well, that is that.
Hmm, now... where to eat! Bah, I'm going. I'll figure it out on the road. Later or good night.
.
While I try to decide where to go to eat or whether just to eat something on hand, and time runs out, my mind has been messing with a knot. As I said, I have been praying to God, as usual, and being grateful for what I have seen and done and even for my life as it is. I have had to ask myself why I should be grateful for a rather miserable existence for most of my adult life and for an extremely uncomfortable existence for the last several months. A good question, to be sure. In spite of my faith that my prayers are correct, I wanted to tinker with the logic or thoughts behind being grateful.
For a bit nothing came to me. Much like a writer staring at a blank piece of paper upon which they intend to put various notions from several topics together to form a cohesive argument(s) or point(s), while not really being familiar with any of the topics or sure of the point in anything more than an academic manner, I have merely stewed. Then it just made sense. Like looking at an optical illusion in which a three dimensional object appears, I finally saw the notion.
It isn't about me, other than that I am an observer in a way. Life presents the opportunity to see God's work, to participate with others, to try my hand at doing good where that is possible, and to simply be alive and aware. That is all good, but when those things aren't truly viable because of pain, lack of function, illness, or other things, what is left? What is left is simply being alive, being a part of something that is immense, rich, interesting. Even pain, in one sense, can be seen as something to be experienced, if not enjoyed. Why does it hurt? How exactly is that pain sensed and what does it mean?
Knowing God could lift the pain, remove the illness, and make life quite easy and knowing God has not chosen to do that means little either. Miracles are vehicles used to relay certain things to certain people and for various other reasons. Not all are in line to be healed. Some of us are not even simply allowed to perish. Again, it isn't about me.
When you let go of yourself and just allow life to flow around you. When you can see beyond what is right in front of you. I begin to see how much more there is out there. It is humbling. But it is quite sustaining, too. Yes, I am grateful. No, I suppose not everyone can understand. Try it the next time you ache or are ill. Be grateful, see what else there is to see, you might even find the pain is much more tolerable if that wasn't my point in searching. Well, that is that.
Hmm, now... where to eat! Bah, I'm going. I'll figure it out on the road. Later or good night.
A few things done.
.
.
I was able to straighten a few things before my visitors arrived. I cleaned the bathroom with a bleach rub then rinse, picked up a good deal, even vacuumed the living room. I did a couple of loads of laundry as well. It was all hit and miss but it was what I could focus to do when I could focus and when I could do. Perhaps it will provide leverage to do more soon. If nothing else it does provide some psychic comfort for now.
As light as the work was, it did require some effort. Anacin isn't really helping with the pain or headache at the moment. The breathing can get a little thin sometimes too. None of it, singularly, is enough to take me out. The group of distractions and pains, however, does cause problems. I have been, for the last four days, trying to do some study. It hasn't been working out. I simply literally cannot focus in order to read. It seems like such a simple thing, to read. And yet it requires some things which I seemingly do not have access. I probably am sicker than I thought, but by doing very little I hide the extent of it from myself.
Whatever. I will get to what I can do when I can, as always. Pushing a little further when I can and sometimes simply by putting myself into situations where there is no choice but to press on. For being really sick I am also rather strong, the juxtaposition of those things confuses even me. I am sure it causes doctors some confusion. This stuff, especially in aggregate, should be crippling me almost literally. Some of it is serious enough by itself to cause a worse ability to function then what I go through even in my lesser moments. It is what it is. I will do what I can.
The windows are open, the bathroom smells clean, my organization center is being used, and I am able to take my medications regularly. I have lost some serious size, again. I might be able to fit 38, perhaps 36 waist pants. Most of it was fluid, I realize now. I am almost guessing another 20% of my size is due to water built up in there. All good, give or take. I did worry that so much voiding would become an issue, or create one. Not so. Other than the permanent seeming burning sides (as if winded), headaches becoming more typical, and various aches and a general if milder than before sense of illness coming and going, I am doing pretty good. It is simply that, even with extra sleep (which I can thankfully get), my limitations are more than I had hoped, more than they used to be, and if not absolutely concrete at least solid and costly to surpass. Is that good? I think so, for now.
The missionaries visited, but there was some sort of switch. One of the regular guys was replaced by a visiting missionary for supervision or some other reason. In any case, putting the weight system together today was canceled, as was dinner. We discussed some things but a new guy can throw things off a bit. Next week, hopefully, I can get the weight system together and take the lads out for pizza.
So much is going on in the news. So little of it has any importance whatsoever. I am digging through the garbage to try and find even whispers of important news. While Weinergate is winding down, even the news about jobs and housing prices being equated to worse than the depression is of little import. Sure, it's good to see msm running something like a whisper of the truth, to many of us this would be like telling us, five minutes before sinking, that the Titanic is in trouble. No, tell me about the negotiations regarding the debt ceiling, tell me about how we are planning to get out of Libya, tell me what is going on with the take-over of the Middle East by the sharia loving muslim brotherhood. I want news, information damn it, not crap. The worst offenders are the blogs which reportedly are the paths around the roadblock of information caused by the msm. Everyone is just playing, it seems. No one feels obliged to get the real stuff out. Are they all sellouts? Bah!
Fragging BAH!
Hmm, food. Since I am cleaned, groomed, and dressed, I might just hit the road and find some easy food. No! Not road kill. Though if I see a major news network group, I might consider making some. Just... a thought. Later.
.
I was able to straighten a few things before my visitors arrived. I cleaned the bathroom with a bleach rub then rinse, picked up a good deal, even vacuumed the living room. I did a couple of loads of laundry as well. It was all hit and miss but it was what I could focus to do when I could focus and when I could do. Perhaps it will provide leverage to do more soon. If nothing else it does provide some psychic comfort for now.
As light as the work was, it did require some effort. Anacin isn't really helping with the pain or headache at the moment. The breathing can get a little thin sometimes too. None of it, singularly, is enough to take me out. The group of distractions and pains, however, does cause problems. I have been, for the last four days, trying to do some study. It hasn't been working out. I simply literally cannot focus in order to read. It seems like such a simple thing, to read. And yet it requires some things which I seemingly do not have access. I probably am sicker than I thought, but by doing very little I hide the extent of it from myself.
Whatever. I will get to what I can do when I can, as always. Pushing a little further when I can and sometimes simply by putting myself into situations where there is no choice but to press on. For being really sick I am also rather strong, the juxtaposition of those things confuses even me. I am sure it causes doctors some confusion. This stuff, especially in aggregate, should be crippling me almost literally. Some of it is serious enough by itself to cause a worse ability to function then what I go through even in my lesser moments. It is what it is. I will do what I can.
The windows are open, the bathroom smells clean, my organization center is being used, and I am able to take my medications regularly. I have lost some serious size, again. I might be able to fit 38, perhaps 36 waist pants. Most of it was fluid, I realize now. I am almost guessing another 20% of my size is due to water built up in there. All good, give or take. I did worry that so much voiding would become an issue, or create one. Not so. Other than the permanent seeming burning sides (as if winded), headaches becoming more typical, and various aches and a general if milder than before sense of illness coming and going, I am doing pretty good. It is simply that, even with extra sleep (which I can thankfully get), my limitations are more than I had hoped, more than they used to be, and if not absolutely concrete at least solid and costly to surpass. Is that good? I think so, for now.
The missionaries visited, but there was some sort of switch. One of the regular guys was replaced by a visiting missionary for supervision or some other reason. In any case, putting the weight system together today was canceled, as was dinner. We discussed some things but a new guy can throw things off a bit. Next week, hopefully, I can get the weight system together and take the lads out for pizza.
So much is going on in the news. So little of it has any importance whatsoever. I am digging through the garbage to try and find even whispers of important news. While Weinergate is winding down, even the news about jobs and housing prices being equated to worse than the depression is of little import. Sure, it's good to see msm running something like a whisper of the truth, to many of us this would be like telling us, five minutes before sinking, that the Titanic is in trouble. No, tell me about the negotiations regarding the debt ceiling, tell me about how we are planning to get out of Libya, tell me what is going on with the take-over of the Middle East by the sharia loving muslim brotherhood. I want news, information damn it, not crap. The worst offenders are the blogs which reportedly are the paths around the roadblock of information caused by the msm. Everyone is just playing, it seems. No one feels obliged to get the real stuff out. Are they all sellouts? Bah!
Fragging BAH!
Hmm, food. Since I am cleaned, groomed, and dressed, I might just hit the road and find some easy food. No! Not road kill. Though if I see a major news network group, I might consider making some. Just... a thought. Later.
Pretty rough.
.
.
Breathing is still good but my sides ache again. They have for several days now. The pain is like the pain you get when winded, so not new. And I am sinking a bit. I suppose it is better than being unable to catch my breathe as a constant problem. I see cardiology next week, perhaps they can figure something out. I have been sleeping too much but needing every drop. Beside the usual sleep, I have been adding in long naps every other day. While I can fight to stay awake, the ability to think and act at those times is hugely diminished making it a mere exercise if futility and pain. I would rather sleep more and end up doing more than stretching consciousness for no more gain than merely being able to say I was "awake".
I have visitors coming today. I will be getting help setting up my weight system. Focus and bending are a problem, but the thing will much more easily be set up with more than two hands in any case. I don't know when I might start using the weights, but having it set up will make the opportunity costs minimal. While they are here, I might give a couple of lifts just to see... where I am at with that. The curl bar and dumbbells are fine, it's the barbell I need to test out. Probably not a problem strength wise, the problem would be breathing.
Well, a bit more cleaning, a shower, and getting ready for company seems like the thing. Later.
.
Breathing is still good but my sides ache again. They have for several days now. The pain is like the pain you get when winded, so not new. And I am sinking a bit. I suppose it is better than being unable to catch my breathe as a constant problem. I see cardiology next week, perhaps they can figure something out. I have been sleeping too much but needing every drop. Beside the usual sleep, I have been adding in long naps every other day. While I can fight to stay awake, the ability to think and act at those times is hugely diminished making it a mere exercise if futility and pain. I would rather sleep more and end up doing more than stretching consciousness for no more gain than merely being able to say I was "awake".
I have visitors coming today. I will be getting help setting up my weight system. Focus and bending are a problem, but the thing will much more easily be set up with more than two hands in any case. I don't know when I might start using the weights, but having it set up will make the opportunity costs minimal. While they are here, I might give a couple of lifts just to see... where I am at with that. The curl bar and dumbbells are fine, it's the barbell I need to test out. Probably not a problem strength wise, the problem would be breathing.
Well, a bit more cleaning, a shower, and getting ready for company seems like the thing. Later.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
A great big helping of nap.
.
.
Yeah, sure, but it helps. I didn't bother checking the time when I laid down nor when I got up. I was too far gone and couldn't wake all that well at first. If I had to guess I would say five hours or more. I did a good deal yesterday considering how long I have been at bed rest conditions. At least my native will to get to things will overcome the need to push for a while. At some point, hopefully, I can get to pushing. For now I suffer just from doing what I need, like, and want to do.
I received a call from the sleep study people. They have scheduled an overnight in a few days. Since I am going to be in the area for an appointment earlier in the day I decided to stretch my time there and just stay for the study in the evening. I know they will find nothing. I have been tested five or six times in the last eight years. If I am having troubles here at home it is environmental. One more, and this time uselessly, test to provide government workers government work. Still, if I don't comply medical will simply point the finger again (ignoring that three are pointed back at them).
If I can shake this groggy feeling I am hoping to dig into just plain house cleaning tonight. The living room neatened, the kitchen meaning dishes, and if I still have something on track, the bathroom after that. My treat will be a comfortable meal and a sense of relief. Just having appointments set up on the calender and phone, having some business going forward, and having taken care of two or three pieces of business in the last few days makes me feel like a million bucks (post bail-out(s), QE2, the Fed, and other degradation of the dollar). As well, getting out and finishing off a Christmas present presentation has made this a good week already. No, nothing fancy but it is, combined, a minor miracle. I was dying for breathe just a few weeks ago and for months before it. I'm... I'm getting better.
Have a good night.
.
Yeah, sure, but it helps. I didn't bother checking the time when I laid down nor when I got up. I was too far gone and couldn't wake all that well at first. If I had to guess I would say five hours or more. I did a good deal yesterday considering how long I have been at bed rest conditions. At least my native will to get to things will overcome the need to push for a while. At some point, hopefully, I can get to pushing. For now I suffer just from doing what I need, like, and want to do.
I received a call from the sleep study people. They have scheduled an overnight in a few days. Since I am going to be in the area for an appointment earlier in the day I decided to stretch my time there and just stay for the study in the evening. I know they will find nothing. I have been tested five or six times in the last eight years. If I am having troubles here at home it is environmental. One more, and this time uselessly, test to provide government workers government work. Still, if I don't comply medical will simply point the finger again (ignoring that three are pointed back at them).
If I can shake this groggy feeling I am hoping to dig into just plain house cleaning tonight. The living room neatened, the kitchen meaning dishes, and if I still have something on track, the bathroom after that. My treat will be a comfortable meal and a sense of relief. Just having appointments set up on the calender and phone, having some business going forward, and having taken care of two or three pieces of business in the last few days makes me feel like a million bucks (post bail-out(s), QE2, the Fed, and other degradation of the dollar). As well, getting out and finishing off a Christmas present presentation has made this a good week already. No, nothing fancy but it is, combined, a minor miracle. I was dying for breathe just a few weeks ago and for months before it. I'm... I'm getting better.
Have a good night.
Surviving.
.
.
I have been occupied with other matters lately. While I am considering some options to rearrange my life, some of that is on hold until I can... regain some balance here in my home. I continue to plot and plan and things. Anyone who is awake has to be taking the dire warnings being broadcast by a thousand and one sources as at least plausible at this time. Many, of course, are just now hearing that we might, how to put it, be facing a long term economic decline (to put it mildly and in a way those who are very adverse to change, fear, logic can understand it).
While I heard this, and came to believe it long ago, and did make changes, I am just getting to a point again where moving forward on some of this is again possible. Due to health issues, what I can do at any one time or in any major way is somewhat limited. Finances, of course, play a part in it too. As do distractions, a remaining foolish nature, a natural tendency to believe in continuity, and other factors. And yet, in spite of it all, just the bit of learning I have done, the move to a more survivable area, and the choice in a home and the type of home and land, all put me ahead of many, most I would guess. Sometimes being unemployable is a handicap, sometimes too it is just the opposite. I was free to go where the economy would not otherwise have potentially supported my career. I am free to look and learn.
One thing I keep seeing, which causes some concern, is the notion that merely having food (whether for a few weeks or a few years) is enough. While, in many situations, that might be true, in just as many cases it is not. From food preparation itself to the notion that travel or defending the food must be considered, reality leaves many scenarios open to even a solid food storage component of survival vulnerable. To that end I keep thinking of my notion of a brick or mud oven and a more portable stove. While brick ovens might be neat, campy, cool, or such, they are also prohibitively expensive. Just the materials, not counting the knowledge of construction, leave the project a non-starter. There are good options though. Here is a link to the oven I would love to build. This is a link to the more portable stove I would like to buy. I am still watching pennies right now, but the stove should be here before the summer is through, and perhaps I may begin collecting some of the material for the oven. And, if I can get my legs under me, I will be looking at where to build the adobe bread stove and beginning plans for next summer at the latest. Food is essential, short or long term, but it simply isn't enough by itself.
I have been receiving a manual of courses from a local college. Thinking the thing was merely sent to the wrong address, I have been ignoring it. Well, that and my disdain for academia in general. However, recently I needed to use the facilities and believed reading might be necessary (just... trust me). Both turned out to be true but the only thing I could lay my hands on fast enough to meet my needs was this course book. Oops, on my part. No, no, everything came to pass nearly fluidly with my mind otherwise distracted. My mistake was ignoring this class offering catalog. It suggested courses in everything from first responder to welding, and various levels within all that. A bit more of an examination showed many of these courses could be taken with minimal pain, being offered a few days a week several hours at a time rather than an hour a day for all the days of the business week. Yes, yes, I see many courses which I could and would consider taking. Fool that I am, I am late. Then again I am not sure I could have done much about participation until, actually, the near future in any case. Money, illness, the tending I have given my home to date, and other considerations all pretty much ate me to date. Perhaps providence plays a part in the timing of the availabilities of the doors to furtherance? Still, there is that.
Minor skills, food and water stocks, cooking basics, back up systems, and the will to survive, learn, and thrive past the decay and possible death of the dollar, the economy in general, potentially civil order, and life as we have known it is part of what it will take. Every little bit will help. And, if health should return or even remain at a stagnant position as is, I think I can again begin getting some of these things tended. For those of you who are just learning, the path is not closed to you. You might not be able to move, find the right place to live, or change your circumstances. What you can do is learn, store, understand your predicament and do minor outreach in your area, and... brace.
There is no place to move in order to move up in the world. Wealth will not find a safe harbor, not in China, not in gold, not in Shangri~La. Some areas will be safer and more sure. Some places will decline at a rate that will seem cruel. When Christ suggested that any man, be he slave or master, rich or poor, strong or weak, can find heaven, I think He also meant that were you stand is where you should stand for what is right. Even to death. But more harshly so at times, in life. I do wish all fortune in their efforts. But I should advise that luck is more surely made than granted or fated. So get busy boys and girls. Time is short and that clock is losing time faster than the US is spending money.
.
I have been occupied with other matters lately. While I am considering some options to rearrange my life, some of that is on hold until I can... regain some balance here in my home. I continue to plot and plan and things. Anyone who is awake has to be taking the dire warnings being broadcast by a thousand and one sources as at least plausible at this time. Many, of course, are just now hearing that we might, how to put it, be facing a long term economic decline (to put it mildly and in a way those who are very adverse to change, fear, logic can understand it).
While I heard this, and came to believe it long ago, and did make changes, I am just getting to a point again where moving forward on some of this is again possible. Due to health issues, what I can do at any one time or in any major way is somewhat limited. Finances, of course, play a part in it too. As do distractions, a remaining foolish nature, a natural tendency to believe in continuity, and other factors. And yet, in spite of it all, just the bit of learning I have done, the move to a more survivable area, and the choice in a home and the type of home and land, all put me ahead of many, most I would guess. Sometimes being unemployable is a handicap, sometimes too it is just the opposite. I was free to go where the economy would not otherwise have potentially supported my career. I am free to look and learn.
One thing I keep seeing, which causes some concern, is the notion that merely having food (whether for a few weeks or a few years) is enough. While, in many situations, that might be true, in just as many cases it is not. From food preparation itself to the notion that travel or defending the food must be considered, reality leaves many scenarios open to even a solid food storage component of survival vulnerable. To that end I keep thinking of my notion of a brick or mud oven and a more portable stove. While brick ovens might be neat, campy, cool, or such, they are also prohibitively expensive. Just the materials, not counting the knowledge of construction, leave the project a non-starter. There are good options though. Here is a link to the oven I would love to build. This is a link to the more portable stove I would like to buy. I am still watching pennies right now, but the stove should be here before the summer is through, and perhaps I may begin collecting some of the material for the oven. And, if I can get my legs under me, I will be looking at where to build the adobe bread stove and beginning plans for next summer at the latest. Food is essential, short or long term, but it simply isn't enough by itself.
I have been receiving a manual of courses from a local college. Thinking the thing was merely sent to the wrong address, I have been ignoring it. Well, that and my disdain for academia in general. However, recently I needed to use the facilities and believed reading might be necessary (just... trust me). Both turned out to be true but the only thing I could lay my hands on fast enough to meet my needs was this course book. Oops, on my part. No, no, everything came to pass nearly fluidly with my mind otherwise distracted. My mistake was ignoring this class offering catalog. It suggested courses in everything from first responder to welding, and various levels within all that. A bit more of an examination showed many of these courses could be taken with minimal pain, being offered a few days a week several hours at a time rather than an hour a day for all the days of the business week. Yes, yes, I see many courses which I could and would consider taking. Fool that I am, I am late. Then again I am not sure I could have done much about participation until, actually, the near future in any case. Money, illness, the tending I have given my home to date, and other considerations all pretty much ate me to date. Perhaps providence plays a part in the timing of the availabilities of the doors to furtherance? Still, there is that.
Minor skills, food and water stocks, cooking basics, back up systems, and the will to survive, learn, and thrive past the decay and possible death of the dollar, the economy in general, potentially civil order, and life as we have known it is part of what it will take. Every little bit will help. And, if health should return or even remain at a stagnant position as is, I think I can again begin getting some of these things tended. For those of you who are just learning, the path is not closed to you. You might not be able to move, find the right place to live, or change your circumstances. What you can do is learn, store, understand your predicament and do minor outreach in your area, and... brace.
There is no place to move in order to move up in the world. Wealth will not find a safe harbor, not in China, not in gold, not in Shangri~La. Some areas will be safer and more sure. Some places will decline at a rate that will seem cruel. When Christ suggested that any man, be he slave or master, rich or poor, strong or weak, can find heaven, I think He also meant that were you stand is where you should stand for what is right. Even to death. But more harshly so at times, in life. I do wish all fortune in their efforts. But I should advise that luck is more surely made than granted or fated. So get busy boys and girls. Time is short and that clock is losing time faster than the US is spending money.
Raining, again. Surprise!?!
.
.
Oh, no worries. At least it is still warm enough that I can have some of my windows open. The rain was light as well. It looks like it might rain again yet today, even with the sun shining occasionally. I was able to call and finally get in touch with a claims rep, after two weeks of calling and at least two messages. This time I went through the office operator and suggested they not merely connect me to what I believed would be another message service connection. I heard something like an apology and possibly connecting me to a supervisor and that the direct line would be tried first. Surprise! The connection went directly through.
As well, I organized my appointments. I had to call to find some of them. I could not remember when Sam goes in next or when the cardiology appointment is to happen. A few calls, surety, then into the smart phone and written on the calender as well. I am not sure how much this will help. If I can't get up or if my sleeping is way off there is sometimes little I can do. Perhaps calling in "sick" would still be preferable. At least the appointments, times, and dates aren't just free-floating in cerebral fluids causing me to choke on uncertainty from time to time. I have done well in these last months, making appointments, being slightly more timely when meeting people, paying bills on time or setting them up. But it has been hair-raising, like walking along all introverted and comfy to suddenly become aware that the floor is now ice, the top sheet is melting slightly, and the trip off the new surface is long in all directions.
There were... some other things I had hoped to use the planning board to arrange. I just... can't... remember. The good thing is the system is right beside me a quarter of the day so even a short lived impulse memory has a shot at being implemented or at least jotted down before it disappears into the psychic nether. I have even semi-arranged the system so it is aesthetically pleasing to my philistine eyes. Mostly simple geometric spacing, with a small area in which the magnets are aligned in a more whimsical free-form style. I like it. Hmm, maybe making physical lists using the post-it notes, goals, plans, hopes. Meh, the area isn't that big. But real short term goals might fit in, on the sides, with post-it notes.
Hmm, perhaps some house cleaning while I wait to see if it is going to rain shortly or not. Or, better, lunch! I have two brots left, grapes as a new acquisition, and need a bit of fluid anyway. Then maybe some real work, inside or out. Good luck on your projects.
.
Oh, no worries. At least it is still warm enough that I can have some of my windows open. The rain was light as well. It looks like it might rain again yet today, even with the sun shining occasionally. I was able to call and finally get in touch with a claims rep, after two weeks of calling and at least two messages. This time I went through the office operator and suggested they not merely connect me to what I believed would be another message service connection. I heard something like an apology and possibly connecting me to a supervisor and that the direct line would be tried first. Surprise! The connection went directly through.
As well, I organized my appointments. I had to call to find some of them. I could not remember when Sam goes in next or when the cardiology appointment is to happen. A few calls, surety, then into the smart phone and written on the calender as well. I am not sure how much this will help. If I can't get up or if my sleeping is way off there is sometimes little I can do. Perhaps calling in "sick" would still be preferable. At least the appointments, times, and dates aren't just free-floating in cerebral fluids causing me to choke on uncertainty from time to time. I have done well in these last months, making appointments, being slightly more timely when meeting people, paying bills on time or setting them up. But it has been hair-raising, like walking along all introverted and comfy to suddenly become aware that the floor is now ice, the top sheet is melting slightly, and the trip off the new surface is long in all directions.
There were... some other things I had hoped to use the planning board to arrange. I just... can't... remember. The good thing is the system is right beside me a quarter of the day so even a short lived impulse memory has a shot at being implemented or at least jotted down before it disappears into the psychic nether. I have even semi-arranged the system so it is aesthetically pleasing to my philistine eyes. Mostly simple geometric spacing, with a small area in which the magnets are aligned in a more whimsical free-form style. I like it. Hmm, maybe making physical lists using the post-it notes, goals, plans, hopes. Meh, the area isn't that big. But real short term goals might fit in, on the sides, with post-it notes.
Hmm, perhaps some house cleaning while I wait to see if it is going to rain shortly or not. Or, better, lunch! I have two brots left, grapes as a new acquisition, and need a bit of fluid anyway. Then maybe some real work, inside or out. Good luck on your projects.
Up and at it.
.
.
Late is the hour and I don't care. I slept as I needed. Then again I was awake late. Right now I am a little less worried about burning daylight and more worried about just not feeling too much pain, discomfort, or being discombobulated. I am having to feed on 2k Anacin in the mornings (when I wake up) to make it all work. It doesn't work perfectly even so. But it as good as I have had life in over three months. For now that is plenty good enough.
After bringing home the bits and pieces yesterday, I have mounted the cork board and magnetic board. A drill, a level (which I ended up not using), this, that, and the other thing were all brought out and the project was completed quickly, relatively. I even brought a calender out and have it set up beside the boards. Right beside me for easy use as I tinker on the computer. Little as it is, I am impressed. One of the projects even required the employment of drywall anchors. I HATE drywall anchors. Something about something, a personal pet peeve, all of which might actually cause a project to never get done. I have lots of pet peeves, like it or not. Between peevishness, anger, confusion, exhaustion, and a dozen other problems, life can be difficult. You simply have to be in an angry wasp storm with my current limitations to fully understand. Barring that, go camping on the hottest most humid day you can find, work until you are about ready to pass out from vapors, then pull out a calculus manual and teach yourself or study. That is, most literally, the world I seem to find myself in more often than not. Only perceived you say? Maybe. But I think I have had health issues that come and go, health issues that were never investigated until they became so obvious even a child could see. Bah!
It looks like it might rain today, so I honestly don't know what I can get done. A phone call or three is due. I need to check on some appointments and get them on my new information center. Oh, I also paid a new bill last night! Simple, sure. But something that often goes... unheeded. Not this one, not this time. If I am not caught up I am quite close. I keep looking at the dishes and the laundry, too. Who knows.
Well, on to a new day, another chance, and so far a rather good day. Have a great day even if it hurts just a little, even if you have to tickle the devil out of it, even if you don't really feel like it. Trust me, it's worth it.
.
Late is the hour and I don't care. I slept as I needed. Then again I was awake late. Right now I am a little less worried about burning daylight and more worried about just not feeling too much pain, discomfort, or being discombobulated. I am having to feed on 2k Anacin in the mornings (when I wake up) to make it all work. It doesn't work perfectly even so. But it as good as I have had life in over three months. For now that is plenty good enough.
After bringing home the bits and pieces yesterday, I have mounted the cork board and magnetic board. A drill, a level (which I ended up not using), this, that, and the other thing were all brought out and the project was completed quickly, relatively. I even brought a calender out and have it set up beside the boards. Right beside me for easy use as I tinker on the computer. Little as it is, I am impressed. One of the projects even required the employment of drywall anchors. I HATE drywall anchors. Something about something, a personal pet peeve, all of which might actually cause a project to never get done. I have lots of pet peeves, like it or not. Between peevishness, anger, confusion, exhaustion, and a dozen other problems, life can be difficult. You simply have to be in an angry wasp storm with my current limitations to fully understand. Barring that, go camping on the hottest most humid day you can find, work until you are about ready to pass out from vapors, then pull out a calculus manual and teach yourself or study. That is, most literally, the world I seem to find myself in more often than not. Only perceived you say? Maybe. But I think I have had health issues that come and go, health issues that were never investigated until they became so obvious even a child could see. Bah!
It looks like it might rain today, so I honestly don't know what I can get done. A phone call or three is due. I need to check on some appointments and get them on my new information center. Oh, I also paid a new bill last night! Simple, sure. But something that often goes... unheeded. Not this one, not this time. If I am not caught up I am quite close. I keep looking at the dishes and the laundry, too. Who knows.
Well, on to a new day, another chance, and so far a rather good day. Have a great day even if it hurts just a little, even if you have to tickle the devil out of it, even if you don't really feel like it. Trust me, it's worth it.
Silly cat!
.
.
Sassy has stopped eating what I put out for her. She seemed to love it, initially. She does eat some, and drinks, and loves treats. Further, she continually begs for food in spite of having food in her bowl. I simply will not add more food until the food she has is gone. While the dry food is one flavor, the wet food has many varieties. I simply am not sure what to do with her. Sam has always been a light but sure eater, if she did initially severely overeat when she first got a taste of this newer food. She seems to have found her pace, and with splitting her food in two and feeding her those parts an half hour apart, her vomiting has diminished or possibly disappeared (for now).
I did note that neither Sam nor Sassy could eat as much as was recommended by the manufacturers. The wet food producer suggested one can per five pounds (of cat), three times a day. Huh? Neither will fully finish two cans a day, less with solid cat food thrown in. I am at about a can and a half of wet and about another can sized portion of dry and they aren't quite getting that down. I am actually going to scale back to two feedings of a half a can each cat and a quarter can sized portion of dry. I keep the bowls clean, water available, and add milk once a week (though I now cut it with water). Treats, at about three bite sized treats, are given two to three times a day (to cheers and adulation).
As well, Sassy has become afraid to go out again. She hasn't been out but maybe once this week (other than the other morning when I put her out for putting me out (of sorts)). It is almost as if she is going stir crazy and prefers that. She still has occasional nasty smelling stools but that is becoming a rarer thing, hopefully to someday fully disappear. I have kept up with their feeding and litter situation, if that has been sometimes the only thing done in a day or week. I just don't know. I really am trying to make their lives happy and as carefree as possible. I enjoy their company and believe I have a powerful responsibility to them. Even when stinky butt is a brat.
It is about bed time. I think I'll let the kids in tonight. I have been sleeping so well that their company is again a simple pleasure. They also make excellent little alarm clocks. Quick ones too, with no snooze at all. Or, I can't usually seem to hit their snooze before they are safely out of reach. I have, urhm, tried to snooze them. *evil grins* It's only worse when they tag team me. *sigh* Good night.
.
Sassy has stopped eating what I put out for her. She seemed to love it, initially. She does eat some, and drinks, and loves treats. Further, she continually begs for food in spite of having food in her bowl. I simply will not add more food until the food she has is gone. While the dry food is one flavor, the wet food has many varieties. I simply am not sure what to do with her. Sam has always been a light but sure eater, if she did initially severely overeat when she first got a taste of this newer food. She seems to have found her pace, and with splitting her food in two and feeding her those parts an half hour apart, her vomiting has diminished or possibly disappeared (for now).
I did note that neither Sam nor Sassy could eat as much as was recommended by the manufacturers. The wet food producer suggested one can per five pounds (of cat), three times a day. Huh? Neither will fully finish two cans a day, less with solid cat food thrown in. I am at about a can and a half of wet and about another can sized portion of dry and they aren't quite getting that down. I am actually going to scale back to two feedings of a half a can each cat and a quarter can sized portion of dry. I keep the bowls clean, water available, and add milk once a week (though I now cut it with water). Treats, at about three bite sized treats, are given two to three times a day (to cheers and adulation).
As well, Sassy has become afraid to go out again. She hasn't been out but maybe once this week (other than the other morning when I put her out for putting me out (of sorts)). It is almost as if she is going stir crazy and prefers that. She still has occasional nasty smelling stools but that is becoming a rarer thing, hopefully to someday fully disappear. I have kept up with their feeding and litter situation, if that has been sometimes the only thing done in a day or week. I just don't know. I really am trying to make their lives happy and as carefree as possible. I enjoy their company and believe I have a powerful responsibility to them. Even when stinky butt is a brat.
It is about bed time. I think I'll let the kids in tonight. I have been sleeping so well that their company is again a simple pleasure. They also make excellent little alarm clocks. Quick ones too, with no snooze at all. Or, I can't usually seem to hit their snooze before they are safely out of reach. I have, urhm, tried to snooze them. *evil grins* It's only worse when they tag team me. *sigh* Good night.
Monday, June 6, 2011
They fiddle while the economy burns.
.
.
And they fiddle a Weiner. Literally. The whole story is just another typical Democrat doing what Democrats do. While muslims begin creating sharia law and a new arab empire, while our supposed representatives in Washington try to figure out how to make a dollar decrease in spending for every dollar in cap be as meaningless as possible while still looking good enough to fool the average American dodo voter, and while we continue a third war in a nation we should never have invaded. The semantics of boots on the ground not withstanding. Firing cruise missiles, having planes in the air attacking national troops, and having (at least) CIA operatives on the ground (and I am almost sure seal teams), IS A WAR.
It isn't just the msm, or more, the msm has become larger. Hannity just wasted an hour of my time on Weinergate. ACE is all Weiner, all the time. How many other blogs and such have become Weinerfanboys? Too many. Does that mean they are all playing with the parties or simply following the leaders (of which all are poor or worse)? Hell yes. They have been told to follow the lead and they do so. No one could be so stupid as to follow such a foolish mess for so long. If this might lead to the expulsion of the president, sure. It can't. Those stories are buried or ridiculed by these sites and organizations.
What is sad is the man, if I dare call him that, has a wife. While she is not beaut, reminding me mostly of a braying ass when she smiles, she at least looks feminine enough to... get the job done, horse jaw aside. Then again, when you look at him, perhaps she just really isn't all that into him. The pair brings new depth to the thought of bumping uglies. Perhaps, being raised liberal, he has no idea what men are for or do. Perhaps his wife has similar issues. Working for ol' ballbuster herself, perhaps she has sexual designs other than some politically convenient man-thing. I don't know and, really, I don't care. Nothing in that mass of morass would surprise me. If it did, I really wouldn't want to know. The fact is it is unimportant. Absolutely and unequivocally without merit as news or entertainment.
I have read nothing about the continuing "debate" about what stipulations will be added to raising the debt ceiling. I know, if do not approve, that it will be raised. My guess is we will find out what is in the bill... after it is passed though not even then fully until it is audited and found that despite being assured we were cutting dollar for dollar, the Republicans, again, made a little mistake. They meant penny cut per trillion raised. Oops, their bad. Expect it, but not until it is almost too close to do a damn thing about it and don't expect bitching and moaning to work. Republicans and Democrats both want their share, and the only way to "their share" is to slice up our economy like a stuck pig because it is going down the tubes too fast to more than, if they were honest, let the swamp drain and refresh itself naturally. As is, every rep and his favorite cronies stand to lose more than any of them are willing to admit (or lose). So continued stop-gap measures will continue so that all 'of power' may try to find shelters for the wealth before the rest of us are left hungry.
I don't feel better but at least I wrote some of my mind.
.
And they fiddle a Weiner. Literally. The whole story is just another typical Democrat doing what Democrats do. While muslims begin creating sharia law and a new arab empire, while our supposed representatives in Washington try to figure out how to make a dollar decrease in spending for every dollar in cap be as meaningless as possible while still looking good enough to fool the average American dodo voter, and while we continue a third war in a nation we should never have invaded. The semantics of boots on the ground not withstanding. Firing cruise missiles, having planes in the air attacking national troops, and having (at least) CIA operatives on the ground (and I am almost sure seal teams), IS A WAR.
It isn't just the msm, or more, the msm has become larger. Hannity just wasted an hour of my time on Weinergate. ACE is all Weiner, all the time. How many other blogs and such have become Weinerfanboys? Too many. Does that mean they are all playing with the parties or simply following the leaders (of which all are poor or worse)? Hell yes. They have been told to follow the lead and they do so. No one could be so stupid as to follow such a foolish mess for so long. If this might lead to the expulsion of the president, sure. It can't. Those stories are buried or ridiculed by these sites and organizations.
What is sad is the man, if I dare call him that, has a wife. While she is not beaut, reminding me mostly of a braying ass when she smiles, she at least looks feminine enough to... get the job done, horse jaw aside. Then again, when you look at him, perhaps she just really isn't all that into him. The pair brings new depth to the thought of bumping uglies. Perhaps, being raised liberal, he has no idea what men are for or do. Perhaps his wife has similar issues. Working for ol' ballbuster herself, perhaps she has sexual designs other than some politically convenient man-thing. I don't know and, really, I don't care. Nothing in that mass of morass would surprise me. If it did, I really wouldn't want to know. The fact is it is unimportant. Absolutely and unequivocally without merit as news or entertainment.
I have read nothing about the continuing "debate" about what stipulations will be added to raising the debt ceiling. I know, if do not approve, that it will be raised. My guess is we will find out what is in the bill... after it is passed though not even then fully until it is audited and found that despite being assured we were cutting dollar for dollar, the Republicans, again, made a little mistake. They meant penny cut per trillion raised. Oops, their bad. Expect it, but not until it is almost too close to do a damn thing about it and don't expect bitching and moaning to work. Republicans and Democrats both want their share, and the only way to "their share" is to slice up our economy like a stuck pig because it is going down the tubes too fast to more than, if they were honest, let the swamp drain and refresh itself naturally. As is, every rep and his favorite cronies stand to lose more than any of them are willing to admit (or lose). So continued stop-gap measures will continue so that all 'of power' may try to find shelters for the wealth before the rest of us are left hungry.
I don't feel better but at least I wrote some of my mind.
A good day to be out.
.
.
I never did pick up sticks, though I think I will be able to do so after events of today. My friend called back and I got out. He seems to like his gift. It seems today was a lucky day for him. He received a refund, a birthday gift of money, and the last of Christmas gifts. Being a lucky day, and wishing to share, he took me out to dinner! Gratefully, I accepted his gift. Before I picked him up, I made it to the bank and put a check from another account into this one.
After the meal, and since he had a rough day with the blood infusion today, my friend simply wanted to go home. Fair enough. It was raining anyway. I had other things to do. First to Wal-Mart. I had meant to look for a magnetic or cork board. I ended up getting more. A new blade for the driver side window wiper, a good supply of wet cat food, a magnetic and cork board, large and small tacks, and more treats. As I run out of cat treats I give them out less, not being sure when I might pick up more. I think this might be why Sassy is acting up.
After that a trip to one of the local arts and crafts stores. I had looked at Wal-Mart but found nothing that would quite work. I found everything I needed save for a couple of mesh bags. Asking a worker, I was lead to some kind of wedding section. She showed me some really expensive bags, semi-transparent but rather bulky and difficult to use for my purposes. I passed on that. Ugh. On my way out I saw bags of rocks at two bags for $3. The rocks were in the PERFECT mesh bags. Done, and done. Though what to do with the rocks? Whatever. Then shopping at the grocery store. I should be set for a bit. I haven't really started to build my stocks back up, but I won't until I can figure out how to clean the place up and start fresh. I have some more easy food, some frozen meats, and a few treats in any case. On my way out of town I took my vehicle through a car wash. It needed it, and actually needs it again even so. But I feel better about having done it.
Yeah, everything and a little more. I still have to create the balance and check the bullets. I didn't get to laundry or dishes. I am still satisfied. I found during shopping that I am pretty much able to do a good deal more. Slowing down just a hair is enough to catch my breath and continue going. I was able to handle six different stops, a meal in the middle of it, and got everything on my list and a few things that have been nagging me for a while which weren't technically on the list. If it is clean and clear tomorrow I am hoping to pick up sticks and perhaps use the weed whacker. Who knows, who ever knows, what will actually be done.
Later or good night.
.
I never did pick up sticks, though I think I will be able to do so after events of today. My friend called back and I got out. He seems to like his gift. It seems today was a lucky day for him. He received a refund, a birthday gift of money, and the last of Christmas gifts. Being a lucky day, and wishing to share, he took me out to dinner! Gratefully, I accepted his gift. Before I picked him up, I made it to the bank and put a check from another account into this one.
After the meal, and since he had a rough day with the blood infusion today, my friend simply wanted to go home. Fair enough. It was raining anyway. I had other things to do. First to Wal-Mart. I had meant to look for a magnetic or cork board. I ended up getting more. A new blade for the driver side window wiper, a good supply of wet cat food, a magnetic and cork board, large and small tacks, and more treats. As I run out of cat treats I give them out less, not being sure when I might pick up more. I think this might be why Sassy is acting up.
After that a trip to one of the local arts and crafts stores. I had looked at Wal-Mart but found nothing that would quite work. I found everything I needed save for a couple of mesh bags. Asking a worker, I was lead to some kind of wedding section. She showed me some really expensive bags, semi-transparent but rather bulky and difficult to use for my purposes. I passed on that. Ugh. On my way out I saw bags of rocks at two bags for $3. The rocks were in the PERFECT mesh bags. Done, and done. Though what to do with the rocks? Whatever. Then shopping at the grocery store. I should be set for a bit. I haven't really started to build my stocks back up, but I won't until I can figure out how to clean the place up and start fresh. I have some more easy food, some frozen meats, and a few treats in any case. On my way out of town I took my vehicle through a car wash. It needed it, and actually needs it again even so. But I feel better about having done it.
Yeah, everything and a little more. I still have to create the balance and check the bullets. I didn't get to laundry or dishes. I am still satisfied. I found during shopping that I am pretty much able to do a good deal more. Slowing down just a hair is enough to catch my breath and continue going. I was able to handle six different stops, a meal in the middle of it, and got everything on my list and a few things that have been nagging me for a while which weren't technically on the list. If it is clean and clear tomorrow I am hoping to pick up sticks and perhaps use the weed whacker. Who knows, who ever knows, what will actually be done.
Later or good night.
While waiting...
.
.
Waiting for a phone call and waiting for the modified aspirin to kick in, I decided to tinker with the reloading press. What could go wrong. Besides, clarity of thought is all that would be necessary. With a bunch of primed cases, I decided some time ago to remove the decapping piece on one of the dies. This would allow me to continue using that station to size the case and fill the station in the hopes of setting the overall length more accurately in the station that seats the bullet. Then I would make sure no primers were being fed in, deal with that, and try my hand at rolling a few rounds to see if my system was set up and working properly.
Well, detaching the decapping device looks easy on paper. Knowing how to get everything apart, for certain, and doing so without damaging the parts or busting the knuckles was a whole other story. While I broke no parts, to my knowledge, I did find that my knuckles still scrape skin quite easily (if you can call that easy, how about replacing easily with surely). I did get the parts broken down, I did remove the decapper, I did get it all back together. And, after that, I did adjust the seating die to my desired depth, give or take and within tolerances noted by the manufacturer and other users.
Having done that, I went over bullets I had previously developed. All are using the same powder load. Which I again checked, rechecked, then checked over a series of ten and then occasionally checked throughout the process. I ended up making about 30 bullets. I took time to check overall length on the first ten, happy with that I ran the rest of the lot straight through. I ended up with several still too long, a few shorter than I would have liked, but most came out exactly where planned. Wanting to fill a full box, I looked over the bullets I had already rolled. Most were too long, so I ran them through. Even these came out mostly right on target, only a few being short. As is, I have my first box of 50 home rolled bullets.
With all the problems I have had, the stop and go, and the constant fussing, I almost thought to pull these apart and start over. Shooting something you yourself made for the first time is a bit spooky. I decided against this, however. I was probably more careful than a reloader has a right to be and still load while making all of these. Each case was checked for powder level, care was taken in regulating how fast I used the press bar, everything was examined multiple times. Still, I wish I had a means of weighing each bullet. The scales I have do not allow for that much mass, and they are sensitive so trying to weigh the bullets might damage at least the electronic scale. I might have to consider creating a balance of some sort. It doesn't have to be pretty, it just has to be sensitive enough for a grain of difference and functional enough to show it. A simple wood structure, with a better metal fixture, wire of a fine and good grade for leveling, and a couple of pans to somehow be attached to the wires would be enough. Steel wire, like guitar strings or art hanging wire would offer enough strength for my application. It is something I might consider when I go into town.
It looks to be clouding up. So a quick shower and picking up sticks might be something to get to before much longer. The wind is picking up as well. I love this type of weather but, probably like everyone else who is dealing with constant rain and such, I am getting weary of it. We had an 87 F degree day yesterday. Too hot! The trick is to get the snow in the mountains to melt, without too much further flooding, so as it burns down here I can get up there. Right now there is still 100% to (and closer to) 200% snow pack in much of the mountains from what I am hearing. Trapped! Bah, it works out. Later.
.
Waiting for a phone call and waiting for the modified aspirin to kick in, I decided to tinker with the reloading press. What could go wrong. Besides, clarity of thought is all that would be necessary. With a bunch of primed cases, I decided some time ago to remove the decapping piece on one of the dies. This would allow me to continue using that station to size the case and fill the station in the hopes of setting the overall length more accurately in the station that seats the bullet. Then I would make sure no primers were being fed in, deal with that, and try my hand at rolling a few rounds to see if my system was set up and working properly.
Well, detaching the decapping device looks easy on paper. Knowing how to get everything apart, for certain, and doing so without damaging the parts or busting the knuckles was a whole other story. While I broke no parts, to my knowledge, I did find that my knuckles still scrape skin quite easily (if you can call that easy, how about replacing easily with surely). I did get the parts broken down, I did remove the decapper, I did get it all back together. And, after that, I did adjust the seating die to my desired depth, give or take and within tolerances noted by the manufacturer and other users.
Having done that, I went over bullets I had previously developed. All are using the same powder load. Which I again checked, rechecked, then checked over a series of ten and then occasionally checked throughout the process. I ended up making about 30 bullets. I took time to check overall length on the first ten, happy with that I ran the rest of the lot straight through. I ended up with several still too long, a few shorter than I would have liked, but most came out exactly where planned. Wanting to fill a full box, I looked over the bullets I had already rolled. Most were too long, so I ran them through. Even these came out mostly right on target, only a few being short. As is, I have my first box of 50 home rolled bullets.
With all the problems I have had, the stop and go, and the constant fussing, I almost thought to pull these apart and start over. Shooting something you yourself made for the first time is a bit spooky. I decided against this, however. I was probably more careful than a reloader has a right to be and still load while making all of these. Each case was checked for powder level, care was taken in regulating how fast I used the press bar, everything was examined multiple times. Still, I wish I had a means of weighing each bullet. The scales I have do not allow for that much mass, and they are sensitive so trying to weigh the bullets might damage at least the electronic scale. I might have to consider creating a balance of some sort. It doesn't have to be pretty, it just has to be sensitive enough for a grain of difference and functional enough to show it. A simple wood structure, with a better metal fixture, wire of a fine and good grade for leveling, and a couple of pans to somehow be attached to the wires would be enough. Steel wire, like guitar strings or art hanging wire would offer enough strength for my application. It is something I might consider when I go into town.
It looks to be clouding up. So a quick shower and picking up sticks might be something to get to before much longer. The wind is picking up as well. I love this type of weather but, probably like everyone else who is dealing with constant rain and such, I am getting weary of it. We had an 87 F degree day yesterday. Too hot! The trick is to get the snow in the mountains to melt, without too much further flooding, so as it burns down here I can get up there. Right now there is still 100% to (and closer to) 200% snow pack in much of the mountains from what I am hearing. Trapped! Bah, it works out. Later.
Sleep does a body good.
.
.
After the huge extra dose of sleep yesterday I am doing much better today. Still, another large dose of Anacin just went down. Aspirin pared with caffeine seems to do the trick. Of course it does raise my pulse. I guess I can't have it all. Tylenol has been tried, but it only helps a bit and only when I am trying to sleep. Then again, I am not too concerned with longevity at this point, just a reasonable hope of a little less pain and some function when available. I really wasn't supposed to live this long anyway, not in a linear scientific based notion of how things work. Who knew!
Sassy has been a bit nuts lately. She is always antsy for food in the morning. I let her stew for an half hour as I wrap my bean around the world in a conscious way. Feeding her, often, is enough to settle her down. But the last few days she has become more and more of a wild child, ignoring her food when fed (both the canned and wet food), and tearing around the house, physically pouting. This morning I had about enough to last me a long time with her behavior so out the door she went. An hour out there and she was happy to be let back in, ate her food in a gobble, and settled right down. What was the problem? You would have to ask her. She is sulking, staying quiet, and avoiding popo for the moment. All good at this exact moment. Brat!
The Cabela's order came in. The final part of a gift for my friend. Technically it is the last of his Christmas present. Most of it was quite late anyway, something about what was supposed to be in stock not ending up being anywhere to be found and finally showing up quite late. I did order late but websites really should show whether something is in stock or not. I am quite sure as tight as companies keep stock that tying inventory to a web page is quite a simple task. It might be expensive but it is a one time expense. After the order was late, Cabela's said my card did not work and sort of canceled the rest of the order! I don't get that, after pouting about that whole thing for a while, I reordered... using the same card. It is here, today. Whatever. I think Cabela's, and many other places, are having more problems than I could know. I also received another stool. Now I will take both stools so that neither of us has to be jealous of the other out there sitting while the other stands. I called my friend. He was gone, to the hospital I presume, for more blood. Dang vampires! I asked him to give me a call when the doctors let him out to play.
I did manage the trash and kitty litter as a last hurrah last night. Bringing the barrel back before I head to town, picking up a peg board, more groceries, garlic (if I can find good, only found really old dry, nasty, moldy stuff in my recent attempts), kitty food, and putting a check transfer through to from that to this account should see me set for a bit. I do hope to do some cleaning before my next planned event. I have about three loads of laundry left, dishes, picking up sticks in the yard, finding out about a construction dumpster rental, and the cleaning of my bathroom are on my shorter list for this week. I am also hoping to scrub the kitty litter area after scrubbing the bathroom. Those cats aim about as well as I do, somehow (and it isn't a good aim). They are female for heaven's sake! Such simple things and yet seemingly impossible. Frustrating. When the Anacin kicks in a bit (usually takes nearly two hours, oddly), I should have an easier time with things.
Oh, by the way. In spite of rested breathing being much easier, any exertion will see slight panting (an abnormality until recently). Just hauling the dumpster to the curb left me a bit shy of breath. So, while I have improved, I am still limited. I will see how far I can push that limit though. Perhaps I can do quite a bit more, perhaps breathing will plateau flat like before only at a slightly increased level of exertion. I am hoping I have a bit of a slope to push upward through. Later.
.
After the huge extra dose of sleep yesterday I am doing much better today. Still, another large dose of Anacin just went down. Aspirin pared with caffeine seems to do the trick. Of course it does raise my pulse. I guess I can't have it all. Tylenol has been tried, but it only helps a bit and only when I am trying to sleep. Then again, I am not too concerned with longevity at this point, just a reasonable hope of a little less pain and some function when available. I really wasn't supposed to live this long anyway, not in a linear scientific based notion of how things work. Who knew!
Sassy has been a bit nuts lately. She is always antsy for food in the morning. I let her stew for an half hour as I wrap my bean around the world in a conscious way. Feeding her, often, is enough to settle her down. But the last few days she has become more and more of a wild child, ignoring her food when fed (both the canned and wet food), and tearing around the house, physically pouting. This morning I had about enough to last me a long time with her behavior so out the door she went. An hour out there and she was happy to be let back in, ate her food in a gobble, and settled right down. What was the problem? You would have to ask her. She is sulking, staying quiet, and avoiding popo for the moment. All good at this exact moment. Brat!
The Cabela's order came in. The final part of a gift for my friend. Technically it is the last of his Christmas present. Most of it was quite late anyway, something about what was supposed to be in stock not ending up being anywhere to be found and finally showing up quite late. I did order late but websites really should show whether something is in stock or not. I am quite sure as tight as companies keep stock that tying inventory to a web page is quite a simple task. It might be expensive but it is a one time expense. After the order was late, Cabela's said my card did not work and sort of canceled the rest of the order! I don't get that, after pouting about that whole thing for a while, I reordered... using the same card. It is here, today. Whatever. I think Cabela's, and many other places, are having more problems than I could know. I also received another stool. Now I will take both stools so that neither of us has to be jealous of the other out there sitting while the other stands. I called my friend. He was gone, to the hospital I presume, for more blood. Dang vampires! I asked him to give me a call when the doctors let him out to play.
I did manage the trash and kitty litter as a last hurrah last night. Bringing the barrel back before I head to town, picking up a peg board, more groceries, garlic (if I can find good, only found really old dry, nasty, moldy stuff in my recent attempts), kitty food, and putting a check transfer through to from that to this account should see me set for a bit. I do hope to do some cleaning before my next planned event. I have about three loads of laundry left, dishes, picking up sticks in the yard, finding out about a construction dumpster rental, and the cleaning of my bathroom are on my shorter list for this week. I am also hoping to scrub the kitty litter area after scrubbing the bathroom. Those cats aim about as well as I do, somehow (and it isn't a good aim). They are female for heaven's sake! Such simple things and yet seemingly impossible. Frustrating. When the Anacin kicks in a bit (usually takes nearly two hours, oddly), I should have an easier time with things.
Oh, by the way. In spite of rested breathing being much easier, any exertion will see slight panting (an abnormality until recently). Just hauling the dumpster to the curb left me a bit shy of breath. So, while I have improved, I am still limited. I will see how far I can push that limit though. Perhaps I can do quite a bit more, perhaps breathing will plateau flat like before only at a slightly increased level of exertion. I am hoping I have a bit of a slope to push upward through. Later.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Hunting a woman type.
.
.
Feeling a bit better after a nap, Anacin, medicines, and such, my mind was free to roam. Many thoughts came and went. When pain, discomfort, and other negative modifiers are tended, my mind becomes a vast machine when my body is idle. My body is idle because it has been a while since I have known comfort so I am simply enjoying some actual real downtime. No fighting fever, mostly. No headaches cramping my neck and shoulders. No nausea causing me to stiffen. Free time, idle free time, with no issues.
Women, of course, cross my mind. I am more and more certain that if I make it to some level of normalcy, health wise, I will be on the move. Hunting down a woman, a potential bride, is a planned event. So, even when ill, my mind has been collecting the pieces and bits of my experiences throughout my life. Successes and failures, the oddities, realities, and any other data from dealing with the feline homo sapiens has been collected and sifted... in the background. The theory of hunting a woman, according to Doom, has started forming. Kids, don't try this at home.
I decided to put hunting in there for a number of reasons. First, finding a mate is much different than seeking a mate. I usually found mates, for a number of reasons. Finding a mate means I have little invested in the "transaction", so any loss would be minimal. Further, finding a mate makes the grade of the mate less of an issue. A found mate is a place holder, a sought mate is an investment and carries risks, fees, and defense. To get a good mate, a mate for specific purposes, one has to hunt. So it is, hunting.
As well, I decided the notion of the hunt works. My mind had already come up with the analogy of hunting a mate being akin to hunting a bear. While hunting a bear, if you are super cautious, abundantly knowledgeable, and somewhat lucky, you can continue the hunt while the bear remains completely unaware of your pursuit. This is similar with women. However, the problem is that you may never catch the bear in time for your license to be good. That is the safe rout. That is, actually, usually how women hunt mates.
The other method involves risk. You still need the knowledge, skills, and luck, but you shorten the hunt by risking letting the bear know you are on the trail and following. The bear may well try to lose you, using speed, it's native intelligence, and tricks it has learned while dealing with other bears or hunters. If this fails, and if your approach seems imminent or escape impossible, the bear will most likely come for you... on it's chosen ground. While much more dangerous, I like the direct method better. Especially if the thing is planned and the trap is set. Barring that, nerves of steel, the ability to take big game at surprise notice, and luck will play the pivotal parts.
Yeah, aboriginal, brutal, and perilous as it is, I like the second method better. I have used it to good ends a number of times as well. I have also failed more than not I should think. But this is the only method by which a good woman, a targeted good woman, can be brought to bear. Besides, I have little time on my license as I see things, and wish to be done with it, and either successful or move on to the next target should failure occur. I am just thinking where best to put a real trophy wife. Though I think if the "trophy wife" I have in mind is the one caught, mounting in any room would probably be acceptable. Given that variety is considered the spice of life, every room will eventually be used.
Hey, well, enough with story time. I ought to begin getting the trash collected and kitty litter cleaned. I might even make it to town. Though late, I must use what functional time I can pull from wherever it will come. Who knows, in truth, what will happen or when though. Later.
.
Feeling a bit better after a nap, Anacin, medicines, and such, my mind was free to roam. Many thoughts came and went. When pain, discomfort, and other negative modifiers are tended, my mind becomes a vast machine when my body is idle. My body is idle because it has been a while since I have known comfort so I am simply enjoying some actual real downtime. No fighting fever, mostly. No headaches cramping my neck and shoulders. No nausea causing me to stiffen. Free time, idle free time, with no issues.
Women, of course, cross my mind. I am more and more certain that if I make it to some level of normalcy, health wise, I will be on the move. Hunting down a woman, a potential bride, is a planned event. So, even when ill, my mind has been collecting the pieces and bits of my experiences throughout my life. Successes and failures, the oddities, realities, and any other data from dealing with the feline homo sapiens has been collected and sifted... in the background. The theory of hunting a woman, according to Doom, has started forming. Kids, don't try this at home.
I decided to put hunting in there for a number of reasons. First, finding a mate is much different than seeking a mate. I usually found mates, for a number of reasons. Finding a mate means I have little invested in the "transaction", so any loss would be minimal. Further, finding a mate makes the grade of the mate less of an issue. A found mate is a place holder, a sought mate is an investment and carries risks, fees, and defense. To get a good mate, a mate for specific purposes, one has to hunt. So it is, hunting.
As well, I decided the notion of the hunt works. My mind had already come up with the analogy of hunting a mate being akin to hunting a bear. While hunting a bear, if you are super cautious, abundantly knowledgeable, and somewhat lucky, you can continue the hunt while the bear remains completely unaware of your pursuit. This is similar with women. However, the problem is that you may never catch the bear in time for your license to be good. That is the safe rout. That is, actually, usually how women hunt mates.
The other method involves risk. You still need the knowledge, skills, and luck, but you shorten the hunt by risking letting the bear know you are on the trail and following. The bear may well try to lose you, using speed, it's native intelligence, and tricks it has learned while dealing with other bears or hunters. If this fails, and if your approach seems imminent or escape impossible, the bear will most likely come for you... on it's chosen ground. While much more dangerous, I like the direct method better. Especially if the thing is planned and the trap is set. Barring that, nerves of steel, the ability to take big game at surprise notice, and luck will play the pivotal parts.
Yeah, aboriginal, brutal, and perilous as it is, I like the second method better. I have used it to good ends a number of times as well. I have also failed more than not I should think. But this is the only method by which a good woman, a targeted good woman, can be brought to bear. Besides, I have little time on my license as I see things, and wish to be done with it, and either successful or move on to the next target should failure occur. I am just thinking where best to put a real trophy wife. Though I think if the "trophy wife" I have in mind is the one caught, mounting in any room would probably be acceptable. Given that variety is considered the spice of life, every room will eventually be used.
Hey, well, enough with story time. I ought to begin getting the trash collected and kitty litter cleaned. I might even make it to town. Though late, I must use what functional time I can pull from wherever it will come. Who knows, in truth, what will happen or when though. Later.
What a nap.
.
.
I can't be sure how long the nap really was, I was too groggy when I finally crashed and it took a while to come to my senses when I woke up. I am guessing I slept five to seven hours though. I don't remember rolling, getting up for anything, waking for moments, nothing. A slight headache and those stomach pains, which hopefully a dose of Anacin will handle, is the only trouble. Well, that and even with the nap I am still tired. My eyes aren't "crossing" about exhaustion though.
Chicken thighs are something of a trouble to cook. I grilled them plenty, but that was not quite enough. So, I put them in the oven for a half an hour after everything was up to temp, at 375 F. That wasn't quite enough, so I put them back through the oven (that had been 375 F), raised it to 425, and left them for another half hour. What in the world! Sometimes I can get thighs just right, sometimes I have to fiddle with them several times. At least this time, in my fiddling, I didn't make them rubbery. I truly hate that. Ah well, it gives me something to tinker with.
All medicine for the day has been taken. The only tasks I really need to tend are collecting trash and taking it to the curb after also cleaning the kitty litter. I doubt if much more will be done. Headache, exhaustion, confusion, general illness, and some other things generally are back, shifting in intensity, and confound intent. I have no appointments until Wednesday, then another Thursday, then nothing again until the following week. I have many things I want and need to do though. We will see. Later or good night.
.
I can't be sure how long the nap really was, I was too groggy when I finally crashed and it took a while to come to my senses when I woke up. I am guessing I slept five to seven hours though. I don't remember rolling, getting up for anything, waking for moments, nothing. A slight headache and those stomach pains, which hopefully a dose of Anacin will handle, is the only trouble. Well, that and even with the nap I am still tired. My eyes aren't "crossing" about exhaustion though.
Chicken thighs are something of a trouble to cook. I grilled them plenty, but that was not quite enough. So, I put them in the oven for a half an hour after everything was up to temp, at 375 F. That wasn't quite enough, so I put them back through the oven (that had been 375 F), raised it to 425, and left them for another half hour. What in the world! Sometimes I can get thighs just right, sometimes I have to fiddle with them several times. At least this time, in my fiddling, I didn't make them rubbery. I truly hate that. Ah well, it gives me something to tinker with.
All medicine for the day has been taken. The only tasks I really need to tend are collecting trash and taking it to the curb after also cleaning the kitty litter. I doubt if much more will be done. Headache, exhaustion, confusion, general illness, and some other things generally are back, shifting in intensity, and confound intent. I have no appointments until Wednesday, then another Thursday, then nothing again until the following week. I have many things I want and need to do though. We will see. Later or good night.
Speculation.
.
.
At some point, with enough problems showing up, knowing what any particular symptom is caused by is merely a guess. I am not sure if my exhaustion is from overdoing, from the medicine, from the illness, from recovery in having a lower pulse, or from consuming less caffeine as my ability to drink soda has shrunk due to the volume of expansion caused by soda. The flu-like waves of symptoms, too, really do not have a particular issue as the source. While my breathing is good, excellent actually, my lungs are now sore. When I breathe deeply they feel as if they were bruised. The pain is rather mild, sort of like the remnants of a pulled muscle from a week ago. Just a twinge. And my upper abdomen (but below the ribs) is beginning to hurt again. Small sharp pains on equal and opposite sides of my the soft upper part of my torso, pain that has come and gone for years now. The worst part is the exhaustion. It makes it difficult to think, plan, act.
I think a nap, again, today. I have at least slept a little longer most of the last few days and often napped as well. I just can't get enough sleep. Being cross-eyed tired all days makes action impossible. And yet napping and extra sleep can leave me even more exhausted at worst or only slightly less likely to get armchair whiplash at best. How do you struggle with being constantly ready for bed? Sleep doesn't work, caffeine is difficult to consume. Making coffee might work but with the kitchen in disrepair that is unlikely and would be difficult to sustain.
A nap, again, I think. Some rest. Perhaps later I might be able to do even a few chores, tasks, or... anything. Even loading a couple of boxes of ammunition would be pleasurable if not completely useful in a standard way. Later.
.
At some point, with enough problems showing up, knowing what any particular symptom is caused by is merely a guess. I am not sure if my exhaustion is from overdoing, from the medicine, from the illness, from recovery in having a lower pulse, or from consuming less caffeine as my ability to drink soda has shrunk due to the volume of expansion caused by soda. The flu-like waves of symptoms, too, really do not have a particular issue as the source. While my breathing is good, excellent actually, my lungs are now sore. When I breathe deeply they feel as if they were bruised. The pain is rather mild, sort of like the remnants of a pulled muscle from a week ago. Just a twinge. And my upper abdomen (but below the ribs) is beginning to hurt again. Small sharp pains on equal and opposite sides of my the soft upper part of my torso, pain that has come and gone for years now. The worst part is the exhaustion. It makes it difficult to think, plan, act.
I think a nap, again, today. I have at least slept a little longer most of the last few days and often napped as well. I just can't get enough sleep. Being cross-eyed tired all days makes action impossible. And yet napping and extra sleep can leave me even more exhausted at worst or only slightly less likely to get armchair whiplash at best. How do you struggle with being constantly ready for bed? Sleep doesn't work, caffeine is difficult to consume. Making coffee might work but with the kitchen in disrepair that is unlikely and would be difficult to sustain.
A nap, again, I think. Some rest. Perhaps later I might be able to do even a few chores, tasks, or... anything. Even loading a couple of boxes of ammunition would be pleasurable if not completely useful in a standard way. Later.
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