Wow, what a week. After studying like a maniac, then doing the homework several times, with extra problems for variety, we took our first test in engineering calculus III. I initially felt I had done well. Which is not usually a good sign. Still, it was nearly a week before I was able to look at the thing. So, I relaxed with the, perhaps mistaken, good feeling. Then, as the day was approaching, I started to have pangs of doubt. Worry crept in, ever so slightly, and those things increased until the Monday showing. Well, the results depend on how you consider things, I suppose. I must admit to being a bit disappointed. I must also admit to having high expectations. I received a raw 87.5%. My mistakes were all numerical (except one in which I did not complete the formula (though not from lack of knowing it! Arghhhh!)).
How do I feel though? First, do feelings matter regarding any matter? Maybe. Back to it though. I feel ok, but it means I have work to do. I really mean to crack this back into shape. Studying physics won’t help me integrate but it might assist in keeping numerical problems at bay. It might expand my capacity to review problems, problem solve, and it will certainly help me later. The trick to is stay on course, do a little more review, and keep balanced so I do not slip into lethargy and sloth (don’t look at my apartment!). The time I am spending on this material has cut everything else out of my life. Then again, before I started this up again, I didn’t have a life. That last makes me stop and think though, is this the way? I think my answer is, yes, temporarily. I think once I crack it back into full shape and maintain a functional ability, I should be able to back off a bit. Then it will just be homework, some study, and physics. Then I should be able to bring a few other things back on line.
Ah, but the church. I have lagged. I still haven’t been to confession (and yes, it is vital to me in my path). I am a part of a church group, and we started our group up again after a summer break. That has lit a fire, so I’m trying to figure out how to get that confession done. I have such a problem going Saturdays (our church’s usual time), but do well when I make an appointment. This bothers my conscience, as I feel I should go Saturdays. I suspect I will end up talking about this with the Father this next time. In any case, I feel the need to get in and get that going again. It has parallels with not eating right or doing something else that eventually wears one down. Now that I’m in the church, in my way, I miss it dearly when I lapse. Guilt, yes, but not in the traditional or often accepted or expected manner. My guilt is based upon disappointing perfection, not fearing retribution. And, for me, it’s a good thing within healthy bounds.
Hmmm, what else. Not much else going on. Though, I did order a trig/precalc study system to go back over some of that, when I have time. Is that a different thing though? And I am considering ordering Algebra II (and maybe I) to crack back into hardcore fundamentals again. But again, is that new?
I’ve been tossing out prayers for various of you, from time to time, randomly. Though I do not always attend church, the Lord and you are on my mind from time to time, and sometimes it’s at the same time is all.
Oh, one new possible topic has popped up. In my church group I became associated with a retreat. It’s a yearly gathering. Men have one gathering and women another. On the retreat we study in a directed manner. Up early, work all day in workshops and events through the evening, then a mid-evening bed-time. In the workshops, we discuss many topics. These topics are often based upon the witnesses of members of our group. I had been thinking about witnessing, not next, but the next next time. However, there may be a need to have me witness. I am very unsure about this, especially for a March timetable. There are things I could say that would blister the ears of a priest, psychologist, and other trained professional (trust me), so what I can do to normals is almost unnatural (just my life stories). I am going to have to be very careful. I put the price at having people help me filter. My filters are shot. Even if I am not profane, I have seen too much. Anyway, that is a new thing that isn’t college related, even if it is troubling to me.
Well, I must go. I need to kick down a bit in order to sleep and rise for a review of this last set of material, and ordering of my newer notes, a prep for the quiz Monday, and a call to my priest. Be well.
Update: I tried to get this out earlier this week, however, I was having some sort of difficulty with Blogger, account sign in, and such, and calculus has heated up. I have a handle on calculus again, and am digging into physics, so I thought I’d take some more time to figure this out. Not much has happened between then and now. No goose hunting, not much to life at the moment except math.
