Dinner?

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The food is okay.  The refried beans were the best of the parts.  The pork isn't too bad.  These tortillas...  not my best.  More of a cooking issue than else, if rolling them into more like a Texas shape than round?  That doesn't help.  The first parts reheat well and quickly, tortillas from my shot at it, either need to be kept as dough or tossed once cooked.  Perhaps they can be frozen once cooked?  The only thing is the food is rather, hmm, filling.  On the good side a smaller portion is all it takes.  I went small, with no seconds, and I am well satisfied.

I wonder how much I have gained.  The last time I weighed in I was down, if no rounding whatsoever, into the 250's, 259.8.  Well, it was something.  I haven't been fasting, working, and...  Well... Oh, I'll get back to it, and much further along.  Not so much a thing of pride, more a result of changing how life is lead.  Health will always cause troubles.  It is just that as life smooths out, this will take care of itself in time.

It is bedtime.  Prayers first.  Hopefully a simple sleep tonight.  I must admit, I... had a feeling, later, that the pain I was feeling was from people being murdered out there.  Not bad guys on bad guys, but good people for the wrong reasons.  Iran?  Doesn't sound like that many, but our media is pro-oppression, anti-people.  Actually that is where I thought even before I eventually heard some snippet in some foreign source.  I am keeping my prayers with them, and Catalonians.  May God be with those who choose their own way despite murderous regimes.  Amen.

Good night.

Better, and another dream.

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Beside the discomfort which woke me, thirst needed to be managed.  A gallon was consumed in that short bit awake.  Half tea then on to water, which, lately, is about what I drink a day sum total, or as little as half that.  Whatever else, between the care and tending, then going back to sleep when that became an option, today is better.  Still a bit ragged on the edges so no endurance or speed trials will be arranged.  Perhaps slow shorter work efforts, a few mild meals, and an earlier turn in might be good.

As to the dream?  I don't believe sinning in a dream counts?  Anyway...  In the dream I was sent a special offer from one of the luxury Vegas places.  Their highest priced suite and amenities at their typical price.  It was sent to my brother, though at my address.  I called them, without calling him, and they agreed to let me take over the offer, if they... might have been allowed to believe I was my brother during the call.  No, I didn't lie, I simply didn't correct.  Yes, yes, I know.

Now, I looked over the package.  The lodging, which was actually...  Hmm, I have an average sized home, or before mcmansions became the norm.  This suite was at least double, possibly each floor, my whole house.  Just a rough guess, from provided info and online searches.  A week, or five days, stay, a masseuse, even an escort for the evenings.  I checked their totals, that seemed... doable.  So I checked on something else, a tailor to make a suit for my final night there.  That was going to be nearly a third of the cost, but... wow.  So?  So I bit, planned, went.

An unusual event.

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Pain.  Oh, I know it regularly.  What changed since heart medicine, at least when I can stay on it, is that pain , once I am asleep, won't wake me.  It has been some time since this has happened.  It is the same discomfort that has been disrupting mornings and much of the last day.  A weariness suffering.  Something difficult, deep inside.  I've had much worse so I don't have imminent fear, just frustration.  I will take aspirin and do a post with little else to do?  Okies.

Strange dreams lately.  The other night I dreamed, while driving, in a complicated triangular section of highway, in an odd set of circumstances, I ended up going off the road.  The area had a set of inclines, cliffs of various slopes, each of a great distance, say 500 feet, and six or seven 'runs' (I actually live in a valley, on it's floor mind you).  I was, somehow, watching my own accident from a news helicopter which was incidentally in the area and caught the whole thing, as if I was the cameraman.  At first, in the dream, I couldn't accept that it was me.  Then I was sure I would live, after the third slide, then fourth... finally, on the fifth long slide, I came out of the vehicle, could tell it was me, and was certain I was dead.  What was strange is... The body looked nothing like me in real life.  And I can think of almost no place like that.  I suppose the Twin Peaks in Colorado is about the only place I know that might have a slide range and steepness that could offer what I dreamed.
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In a dream tonight I, through an odd set of circumstances met a couple who had bought one of the other homes on the list when I had been in the market.  Now, the home was not real, but I dreamed of it then... how strange, at least to me.  In any case, one thing and some others breadcrumbed me to the area, then to them, and to more.  As it turns out, flooding was encroaching.  I met the mister, first.  I think some sort of bread concern had brought me to the area. They weren't involved but did guide.

As they told me how to get where I was going, being me, I mentioned having looked at a home, on a nearby corner, I had considered buying.  They described on, in query.  It sounded correct.  They believed that to be their home, and offered to show me.  Having taken care of my other concern I was quite happy to go see.  Well, and as rare as I am able to socialize I really do take what opportunities to do so that present themselves.  And they were a charming couple.

I remembered the place, mostly.  They had done well with the place.  Stone, as my home, probably just as old.  About to go under the approaching flood waters.  They asked me where I ended up buying.  They had looked at my place as I had their home.  I think we chose our homes for the same reason, just the other side of the coin... I wanted the country, they wanted city.

I was touched by their situation.  Initially I offered rosaries, then realized they were probably Mormon, and suggested I meant no offense.  My mind was already working on more than rosaries though.  Turns out they weren't offended, at least because they were also Catholic.  Well, okay.  Either way I had already decided to offer them lodging.  Cost, they asked?  Their share of utilities, helping with the place (I was honest), and letting me mostly alone.  If they were church goers, a ride or otherwise together would be kind... if I was ready on their time.  The deal was struck, however it would end.  I think it went well.  As the dream was ending I was helping them clean and repair their place.  We had them fully evacuated before it hit, so it was mostly just washing, sweeping, mopping, then literally rinse and repeat.  A rather pleasant dream... in one sense.

Feeling better?  Enough?  Will attempt to go back to sleep.  If not, I have some rosaries to perform, if only one at a time.  No, not for the dream, for some ladies, for their health.  I was going to anyway, but got the go-ahead as well, just... haven't been able to do all scheduled events.  If not tonight, soon, Lord willing.  Good night.

A complicated day?

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Pain, then exhaustion, then health seeming issues.  All problems were health, not all presented as such.  A bit of a nap later, around noon or later.  Bits of work through the day.  And, finally, dough was set up, and the rest is set to go.  The beans were heated a bit early, an easy fix.  The pork is ready to be crisped once the tortillas are heated and set.  Nothing fancy, just foods from my childhood or that I have learned to like since, but homemade.

Actually, if I get through the computer room next week?  I don't know.  If I do really well, in two weeks, have the front room and the kitchen completed?  A chocolate cake, even the frosting, but cream cheese based.  Hmm?  Oh, no, not all myself.  A three layer?  I will take a big piece of it though.  No coconut, or anything weird!  Just moist and chocolate, and totally homemade.  If.  Not just a poem.

Well, the dough is ready.  Dinner is just around the corner.  Later or good night.
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Good thing I noticed.  Either the device failed to log the publish button or...  No, I am sure I hit to publish.

The meal was good.  I... tortilla/flatbread takes practice.  The rest was pretty good.  Actually, other than one burned a bit even they turned out.  Half of the dough was wrapped and frozen.  Can you imagine the time before even refrigeration?  All food was absolutely fresh, dried, or partly rotten so that the bad had to be shaven off to get to the good or better.  Yeah, they lived.  Thet learned to cover bad, to do without, and many did die at ages, in ways, and in numbers that don't make sense to you.

I tell you, every time I... well, I thank God often, vigorously, every time I think of such things.  There was and will be better times, better than imagined even in faith to those who choose God through the Son.  Obviously not yet, some live less well than most would wish to imagine.  If my faith is true, then even the willfully faithful lead hard lives in these times.  Still, not forgotten either.  Still grateful, that merely be a testimony from such a one.

Full.  Difficult to know portions with a new food, or one which hasn't been eaten in so long.  I'll have to rest just a bit, then put things up.  Good night.

No nap, or else.

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Sleep wouldn't happen.  Work isn't happening either.  I did get the recipe written out.  I then started on the dough.  Measuring butter correctly from the butter logs I sometimes purchase it is rather difficult.  It is easier to melt it and measure.  But when cold chunks are needed as the final ingredient portion it seems best to guestimate.  The thing is, just dicing the butter and lard made them too warm.  Back in the cold, the freezer this time.  I'll check after this.

I had hoped to get to the store, for cheddar.  It'll be a week or three before I'll be out again?  If the senses and functions don't change, that is probably true.  I am hoping to hit and finish the computer room next week.  If that goes fast, then maybe back to the kitchen.  Leaving the house is a lot more work than most sorts of effort, save on a rare day all else just falls into place.

Wow, so tired, not feeling the best either.  I may try a nap again.  Later?

Not a great morning, again.

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I finally got over the fact that I kept waking, alive, of flesh, perhaps ten years ago or so.  And, since medication... the right kind, as good as they can offer and I can tolerate... I am almost becoming accustomed to waking without grinding soul crushing pain that I knew for decades.  It... is better, but better is marginal.  Today, like yesterday, waking to pain.  More today.  Like yesterday, even if significantly worse, it will pass.  So many years, decades, when that was all I knew.  Worse, told it was all in my head.  No, I know not to trust doctors, less so the fake ones.  You know who you are.

I've been awake for a while now.  Not over the pain, not awake, not much.  What passes for news has been reviewed and dismissed.   A few spots where a chuckle or note on such, usually more precise, concise, and accurate can be found have been visited.  Music sources have been examined.  Being frozen out, or have they gone to pay channels on top of all, and they wonder why I wouldn't consider pay to view?  I can look away and kill the volume for as little as seems available... at least until I can get a machine running which will do that for free.  Bleh.

Perhaps I am grumpy.  If I suggest if people would stop trying to push things, ideas, people, and products I know to be bad or false I wouldn't have a problem.  Actually, it is only the governments' desire to force disparate peoples together so companies can grow rich as much on the divides as products which is the root of the problem.  If you can't choose not to publicly associate then you don't honestly have the freedom of association.  Why do you think schools no longer teach children the basics of their freedoms?

Anyway.  As soon as possible I'll start things again.  I did get some of the dishes washed.  I did clean the kitchen... to pre-cooking status.  There is more cleaning to do, soon.  I got everything stored for the night.  I did put a portion of lard in to chill.  Tortillas should be fast.  I may use the press, but not as a finishing process.  After that, just roll them out.  Not looking for flat bread but thinner tortillas.  Even as flatbread that is rather small.

I have to admit though, after feeding the girls I may go in for a nap.  Just not sure I can stay at it this morning?  Later.

Not quite as easy as I thought.

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Easy?  Actually it is easy.  What I mean is not as...  Each part demanded more of my time, all along each dish, than I had supposed.  With practice it is possible I might have gotten tortillas done by now.  As is the refried beans are done, and for the first time in my many tries they are every bit as good as I have ever had them.  Simple and yet not.  The pork has, by the clock, about an hour and an half.  I just checked them and will again in an hour.  Checking new foods or foods new ways often is part of the learning.  Oh, I added too much lard to then add peanut oil... new processes are all on a learning curve.

I am deciding whether to start tortillas tonight or just hold off and do the finishing of all tomorrow.  I probably have the time.  Ah, but I want to chill the lard.  The butter is chilled.  The freezer would chill it quicker, but lard does not cool fast.  Hmm?  No.  I will figure how much lard to chill though, and set that to chill for tomorrow.  I'll keep on the kitchen, and figure out how best to store the meat unti tomorrow.

Not bad.  No major problems.  It was mostly steady work, as well as I could do, with good outcomes so far.  A few more hours and things should be almost done and cleaned for the night.  If it is as good as I suspect at closing time tonight tomorrow could be a reasonable end to a good week.  I am even possibly going to catch up on dishes before the night is through and tomorrow just to punk sloth.

Good night, don't suspect I'll be back this eve.

Going along fine, mostly.

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Only one unplanned event for the day.  The dutch oven was soured.  When I store cast I usually leave it with fat.  Sure, that goes rancid but I can fix that.  Rust can't be fixed.  Still, easier if I would have started on that yesterday... not sure the lid can be worked.  The body, yes.  One shot of oil and frying off waste potatoes then a couple of fresh oil temperings and I believe it will work.  Well, there is aluminum foil, the cooking is at a low temp, so all good.

The beans are all good.  I know I wrote three hours, meant half that.  Maybe I was adding in the pan frying time?  Which is part of the reason I had to use the dutch oven.  The skillet is mighty shallow though too.  Somewhere in there tortillas.  I am experimenting wit half lard half butter, works well with pie crusts.

Back to the dutch oven.  Later.

At altitude, cooking takes what time it takes.

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The truth is, wherever you are, actually, and whenever?  With cooking, and women, there you go.  Some things take time, and their own time.  Humidity, temp, altitude, cooking method and cooking temp... so many variables... cooking by time is a luxury of great experience and rough even then.  By all of which I mean the beans are on.

I will begin with the pork in a bit.  Unlike the video, I plan on baking it in enough fats for the original application, though a mix of lard and peanut oil.  If I could find the exact fat I wanted to do make my own lard(and tallow), or even lard I had more confidence regarding, I wouldn't mind full lard.  I consider what I have vastly better than vegetable lard, and the mix better.  But good lard or tallow from the right fats is three steps above what I use.  Butter would be okay, it's just that all fats don't work for all dishes.  Out to do ghee, actually, with right butter available.  I'm not sure what temp the fat needs to be so as not to drench into the meat.  I'll have to dig on that a bit.

After that is set up, a rest, then tortillas.  It'll be quite a bit of work, and will end in a feast for several days, even with half frozen for another time.  Bummer, couldn't find the cheese I liked, at the right price, then lost track in the right store.  Oh well.  The beans are smelling good.  They have, very conservatively, three more hours.  No rush on anything, or yet.  Later.

Today?

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I know some things are in the works.  Beans to be drained and cooked shortly, pork shoulder to be chunked and that started.  Then tortillas to be put together, in about that order... When I can start anything that is.  It isn't anything getting in the way it is a sense of no sense.  One might claim that as nonsense, which if the claimant could uderstand would get you much nearer to the facts than you might choose to know.  All good, the fewer who know laments of the accidental transcendental the better.

I slept well.  Waking to minor pains which evaporated with the strengthening sun.  A sleepiness remains.  It is being engaged as may be.  As things go, bedding change, perhaps another shower, and cleaning forward and back as I cook in the kitchen.  Oh, morning prayers after stripping and remaking the bed, a rosary and reading during a break in there. I have offered two out as Christmas gifts... didn't hear if that was wanted for sure, but when is God's work often overtly sanctioned?  :p  I'd like to get cracking on the beads... I am thinking daily for lent?  Not as an end but as a beginning.

The third and final package arrived.

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Well!?!  Yes?  Yes.  I... had forgotten that there were three on the way, even while realizing that the whole time.  Somehow.  Two arrived in the mail.  In spite of not remembering what I knew, I expected them all in the mail.  Huh?  Don't look at me.  Don't even look at me, and don't tell me I didn't tell you, warn you, and not once, twice, or thrice, but often and in many ways.  Now imagine what I go through, and worse those who try to be near me.  It's not a trick, just an alternate reality?  It isn't a willful thing, whatever else, it just is.  On the good side, even if I was being patient I no longer need to be.  :p

To town after returning to drop off mail and packages then feed the girls.  Woke so late, so slow blogging and showering, I had to get to the post.  Didn't want want them to suffer for my faults.  All good.  Had to get the shopping list as well.  I got the list but still haven't found it since.  Bah!  Who needs lists.

You all know the trouble with women.  I have spared neither word nor thought on these small troublesome creatures.  Past, present, spirit, flesh, mind...  Well, that is...

A bit rough this morning.

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Sleep was complicated.  Dreams, waking more than usual, odd sleep, unable to get comfortable.  Not the worst of nights, just the worst since the last spell.  Exhaustion and fog are becoming a bit of a threat again.  I'll make an attempt through prayer, seeking the right amount of activity and food, and else, to maintain.  With a heart that is at replacement value for nearing the 3rd decade there are some days that won't be smooth.  Some weeks, months.  Still, I have learned to do what they say can't be done.

Running a bit late.  I did get a shower set of clothes ready and back, then took medicine.  With all else and plans, anicin was added to the schedule.  Blogging to wake just a bit.  Mail needs to be checked, a package, two?  No, these were ordered, except for that other one.  But I knew of it.  Not when, technically, if even surety isn't always sure?  Well, that is my story, what I see, such.

Oh, after the shower, and post if I can make it, I'll change bedding.  I tell you, having fresh bedding and being on that weekly(ish) has been a fine thing.  I had some, but not flannel.  That isn't a luxury.  Oddly, with one extra set?  I never fall behind.  When I have only had two I always fell behind.  Is three sets for each predominate heat spheres a luxury?  Not if that is what it takes to keep up.  I am not convinced that cleanliness is Godliness.  I am nearly convinced that is a pagan misconduction of the divine, divinity being spiritual, not of flesh.

Oh, I know what you, and I, have heard.  As with all that is heard that is false, it is false no matter how often, solidly spoken, or by whom.  Still, sloth is not the way either.  A near requirement of my condition at times, possibly a price for such preening pride in a mighty physiche, more so when well cleaned.  Humility.  If the choice is to learn that here or in purgatory, or pay the price here than there.  *bows head, here Lord*  Hope, work and pray to not have even that final, most difficult, step to heaven.  Fire, I can still recall what was next.  Still, while not Godly, I will diligently work at cleanliness, simply to be less offensive.

I suppose I best get at it.  Speaking with my mother, and listening to a yahoo Geranimo priest out there, I have it that on a day when the rosary may not be possible, three Hail Mary's, perhaps a few of the other rosary prayers, mixed with regular prayers, will be... not a replacement but better than not.  So... just thought I'd pass that on.  Don't really like the 'cliff note way' but between that and nothing?  Later.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow?

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Work, it is hoped.  I did have plans but those plans were developed before what was realized today.  No food.  Not that I am completely out.  What I planned to make isn't all on hand and thawing meat would take more than a day anyway.  Pork tortillas with refried beans is the promise if I did what I did.  Which I did.  I do have hamburger, which I fried tonight, as a choice with tacos or with nachos.  I made a list and almost made it out tonight.  Not quite, so frying the burger was a smaller opportunity, and it probably saved it.  I... forget.

So, after a bit tomorrow morning, the goal is shopping.  Lard, a few spices, large bags of dry beans, and such.  As well if I can find half gallon big mouth jars, for kefir and homemade sauerkraut, I'd be in the red... right red.  The kefir, of both sorts, is finally setting up, but I'm not getting great crystals out of either sort.  It just isn't doing well.  I've been keeping the heat up, for days now too.  Thankfully with the door shut and the fan, I can keep it moderately comfortable at 50 or less while sleeping.

I'll keep on that, if I think I need another couple gallons of regular milk.  It is working best with kefir.  I did try raw but it just didn't do anything.  I won't use the kefir from it, check cholesterol changes due to pressure homogination.  Yeah.  I will try to develop enough milk kefir grain to have another batch if the first raw milk group fails... if they would start producing!

Hoping I have cheese, to go with a small bowl of burger.  Then to let the main portion cool, put that in a container, up, then on to bed.  Fasting, not tomorrow, Thursday.  I plan to work Thursday but will try the keto crystals, I believe to be taken an half hour before beginning efforts.  Oh, why not the Catholic form of fasting?  Because this is a medical fasting aimed at blood sugars, and diabetes.  It works, so long as I don't crash out of potassium, and other electrolytes.  I have to go without foods for longer periods, plus low carbs.  Right, in my future fasting no artificial sweeteners.  It looks like either that is no longer functional as it had been or it has been compromised.

Yeah, looks like a few new invisible viewers.  One seems to be seeing who is looking.  Or not, if I think so.  You.  Amazed you have the time.

Hmm?  Oh, right, something to eat, I hope.  Good night and God bless.  Travel well.

Oh, and a song about some of my first thoughts on some things.  Not how I see things, not fully, now.  Doubt if I will know much while still here.

Dreams and a strange life.

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I had forgotten when I woke.  Usually that is the end of a dream.  Sometimes, rarely, it might repopulate my mind through a daydream.  In this case, an extraordinarily rare thing, the dream came back whole.  Not a lengthy dream, not complicated, if to some profound.  Or, well, perhaps you must feel about it as you will.  I forget so few see with your eyes closed.

I had packages coming in the mail.  I had not ordered them and yet I knew about when they would arrive.  I could remember the future better than the past, if nothing could quite be perfectly known.  Even in this post-heaven tomorrow, which reminded me greatly of the days before the fall of man, was not the magic future tech dream which many moderns envision.  Perfect is not absolute?

Some things were definitely different.  If that was as much due to honest innocent right intent as the fullness of other virtues, such as patience, prudence, and such.  Is the package there, at the earliest day and time possible?  No?  Wait longer.  So very different in every way.

I did notice my self there was not clothed.  Knowing where that was, and having some maturity here, and being in my prime of health, fitness, and age there, I only flushed a bit, with a touch of jealousy.  I, there, then noticed me here now and put on some color of righteous anger.  Taking my knowledge of sin there was quite out and the dream was ended.

Not just remembering the future, but knowing other minds, moving objects or self, the mind and soul in a sinless world, recoupled to flesh is... if that is the truth of things... I do, more than ever, look forward to it.  If that was true, and some of what I see and sense about me is correct... I have some suspicion I am closer to before and then than now.  I seem to connect far more dots than I should, or have actual knowledge regarding.  That could be a bad thing.  Depends on the source.  I don't seek, even avoid, can't help but stumbling right into it, sometimes embarrassingly.  Ugh, sorry about that... actually many of you.  Don't think I try.  Mike.

Oh, from what I have heard, some aspect, The Adam Notion as I will call it, is considered probable in certain circles... from experiences which can throw light on darkness.  If... I am pretty sure... never mind.  Such is for one above all our paygrades.  As I mentioned years ago, along the lines of this video, and as then now say it wasn't centuries but back before sin or much closer to that time, man was and will again be... more.  If I see it is from natural sight, only shameful in a world hiding in lies.  So be it.  I long for not just the home I have found here, but the fullness of what I occasionally even know there.  Amen.

Hey, I actually knew!

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Knew what?  I knew Christmas was arriving, kept it in my mind, and fully knew on the eve and day.  Not a health issue, more a particular man gene?  I suppose some rare woman might have it but I've never known one.  They seem to remember everything, when, who, and how.  Which... I mostly see as a failing anyway, leads to grudges.  I suppose knowing the day, date, and significance is a good thing, and even poorer health than what I have now played a part.  All I am saying is, without help I kept the events in live memory for goodly weeks, perhaps a month, in mind.  Didn't get out cards as I would have, but money and health things didn't favor such.  Next year?  One can hope.

Yeaterday was the usual refuse pickup day.  Wasn't sure if today, so soon, would be it.  A quick scan told me probably so, and recycling.  Grabbed what was in and out, done.  Sure is cool.  I wish I could pack in more, I just don't have it ready.  Through this week I am hoping to liberate much else... or some else.  Bit by bit, room by room, I should eventually have the place cleared.  A large recliner in here, a lot more open space, a change in life and pace, reading more than else.  Perhaps other changes in time.

Starting up today?  If I can.  I am in rough shape so far today.  No pain, mostly.  Just slow and rusty.  No physical limits, unless you count psychic fog as physical... given that I count it as a heart issue I do.  I am thinking more tomorrow.  Perhaps a few minor things today.  Starter projects.  But the areas I worked are still staying up, even improving by fractions since work hasn't stopped.  Bleh.  Still it would be good to complete those two rooms down to base then start on a new area or two.  All done by spring, save final riddance, that depending on when weather permits a dumpster for a fill or two, some furniture to go which requires a lot of space, perhaps?  I think it is doable.  Not, probably, starting today.

I can do certain routines, if even those slip if fog is too heavy.  Limits I used to believe mental so would... go too far to beat, unsuccessfully.  Now, patience.  If that, as with all virtues, doesn't start at home than it probably isn't what it seems.  Still, push has to exist beside it.  Prayer to guide which and when.  A bit today, more, probably, tomorrow.  Later.

Merry Christmas.

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As the day has progressed I have considered what to post.  There is music, holy songs for this day in His life.  I could not find the right song sung by the right singer or group.  I did look.  The way seemed blocked.

I can't add to Christmas.  However, as I aim toward a truly more virtuous life I have found others who have added to my life faith.  Not all material is for those who aren't Catholic.  This, however, is one.  Virtue, regardless, is only problematic if you know the difference between good and evil and choose evil or if you don't choose to differentiate.

Exciting?  In a word, if you really want to improve?  Yes.  I was honestly a bit surprised.  Not because I doubted what I suggest but because my health isn't peak.  I am somewhere around a third full, mostly not well.  No pain, just not much function, resolve, focus.  I was able to listen and understand until the last five minutes, mostly.  I was surprised that I do some of those things already, if too weaknesses were laid bare.  Anyway, if you want ideas to improve, there they are.

Merry Christmas Eve!

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So tired, in a good way.  Munching on Christmas treats, a call home, and ready for bed.  Perhaps no decorations were set out, but the crucifix and bust of Mary are always visible.  Prayers, of course, and the final ones of more import both this evening and through tomorrow.  As well, perhaps a call to my brother and his family, if that goes through.

May this Eve and the grace of tomorrow fill you for this year and for years to come.  Good night.

Curiosity.

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I have heard from the church that curiosity is dangerous.  Hmm?  Well, there is a truth to that.  It is also, clearly, wrong.  Curiosity as to the scratching at the door to my hardened heart is what led me to worship God.  Some suggest that because I do not attend church or other functions almost at all, or sing out loud, or such, that I truly haven't become faithful.  They seem to forget for my writing that I should have been dead thirty years ago and am not fully alive as is.  Just getting to town for groceries once to three times a month, and rarely exactly when I would wish it even then should explain much.  Sometimes I have starved with only a few miles, even blocks, between myself and a store.  Anyway, back to curiosity?  Well, curiosity is merely a tool.  It is only bad when seeking an easy way out, much as the way of lies to avoid punishment.  Curiosity in that direction will end up murdering your soul.

Curiosity led to an exploration recently.  I have always been curious about what an actual exorcist does, has to say, and advice he would give.  No, I didn't go seeking.  It... the video found me.  I didn't realize who, what, the speaker is, does, until... well until I did.  Surprised but... curious.  Couldn't listen to the whole thing at once.  Initially wasn't sure it could hold my interest the whole distance through.  Actually easily, only my limits on focus required me to break it into thirds.  Pretty good for me, most movies of half that length are quartered.  I plan on hearing the rest.

If you want to hear the first of several(?) talks by an actual exorcist here you go.

Working and fasting don't mix.

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It wasn't that much work.  Apparently enough to create a hunger cascade I could not control.  By then only food would work.  I did help, a small bit, with putting weights on the back of the lawn tractor, also finished dishes and put the curtains up, finally helped with the air compressor.  So, sum total, for having fasted two whole days, yeah... I can see it. So, multi-day fasting is over for this week.  Two days was what could be done.

Back to daily fasting.  The plan is to do three days next week.  This time I may plan for work, but this time use the keto stuff.  Experimenting is fine, even failure at this time is not only fine but to be expected.  So long as I learn, codify that learning into my system, all good.  It has never been failure which has defeated me in the long run, it is my shame of it to the point I deny then fail to learn from it.  Only raw success has been better at leading me to ruin.  Yes, crazy but absolutely true, for me.

Still rather tired.  Not all from fasting, the season, lack of sun, and hit and miss medicine all lend wind to my face.  A nap before long?  Probably.  Though back to the computer room next chance.  I'll stick with that until done, then the kitchen.  Then?  I'll have to see when I get there.  Later.