.
.
I honestly didn't expect much. Now, it isn't the most tender, but neither was it that hard beef that a roast can sometimes be. It does have good flavor, and was easy enough to cut and chew. I left it out an hour, spiced and salted, before searing then broasting. Broasting? That's what I would call it. An hour in the dutch oven, fifteen minutes under foil resting, then a portion. I was quite happy with it. Nothing fancy, with spices. An Italian herb mix, salt, pepper, and garlic, nothing else. If I could find fresher bay leaves I might add those.
I've been on Gab a bit. I'm almost to 6k followers, though with many more I follow who don't return the favor. All of it is just hobby though. If I thought those numbers meant something, before, after a bit of dabbling I realize it's... just what it is... not much. Do not stake yourself on such weird things, and don't think because 6k or 30k people follow someone that it means they are worth following. Or that if they only have 10 followers that they don't have anything to say. Sometimes it works that way, sometimes not. Be true to yourself and don't worry about it.
I keep hearing about this pizza-gate thing. I've got to tell you, ans I've said there, I am not buying it. It's not that it isn't true, or that it is. Elites are some of the most corrupt of all mankind. The ones with real access to wealth, power, and such? They do what they want, pretty much with impunity. They know the AG's weaknesses and can expose it (two different and vital keys). They know how to negotiate out of anything, or have people who can and do. If they want to hunt a small aboriginal tribe to extinction, or hunt a pack of coeds otherwise presumed lost on a small flight? They will, and barbecue them after they are done. But which does which, and who is on whom's side? I've left politics behind. It not only won't, it can't save you. Anyone who is good, who goes in there, gets lost. Pared down, over time, until they are either just another blind cog or worse, one of the elites.
Nationalism, not of the socialist or communist bent, would tend to limit that. At least your elites will be at risk for selling out to foreign, even genocidal to your people, foreigners. If all nations go back to being in it for themselves, at the basis for their existence (which makes sense or why even have nations, nations being the anti-thesis to Babelism) the level of corruption and the evil of the elites will be held in check. It's only when it is world-wide elites who rule all where there are no more restraints, limits, checks, or balances. Even so, politics, like banks, does not play fair and will always end in your loss. Only to what degree remains to be known.
Oh, I have noticed how many call nationalists NAZI, etc. Then prove, through their actions, that it is they who are the black-booted thugs. Now, going out into that, wearing Trump gear? Stupid. If you do something, do it for a reason, with reason, and don't go out to lose. I recommend not messing with it unless it is coming for you, then hook up with your neighbors. If you live in a city or state that doesn't defend you, or allow you to defend yourself? Move or prepare to simply take your chances. Then again, if you live there, you have chosen already. You probably are just as much my enemy as the people who will be murdering you. Enjoy.
Good night.
Saturday, February 4, 2017
Slow and easy.
.
.
I made it to, perhaps, 9:00, give or take an hour or two, then crashed hard. I was down for two hours. Given the givens, that was just fine. I haven't been able to do much today. I will be looking for paperwork soon. I have been doing some of that, I'll just be doing more. As well, I believe I am about to cook a beef roast. I am hoping to pulverize the remnants into something like a beef-based deviled ham. The canned stuff is a bit salty, and has a lot of weird stuff in it. It might as well just suggest that it is a full 70% edible! Almost anything you buy, cooked and ready to go, isn't all food. I don't might going heavy on salt, but there are limits for me. I finished the leg of lamb yesterday, for dinner. It really was as good for leftovers as it was the first shot. I did well with that.
It, being winter, is dark much of the time. The darkness is lifting, if not so much due to more sunshine. The days are simply getting longer. More of even a dirty sun is better than less, if you like, need, or just want more light that is. And I do, save in high summer. I am happy to put up with high summer and high winter to have the change though, very happy to trade doldrums, or worse, for alternating seasons. I've tried the bland weather. It just wasn't for me. Better still, rather than quite as raw as N.W. Iowa winters, and tornadoes, here it is much smoother. Not as cold even when it is the coldest in years as this year. And while we get more snow, we have more places to put it, somehow. Plus, we have mountains if getting out and playing in snow is the way. Oh, and just a short drive away is perpetual spring-like weather. Although, something to be said for Iowa, at least in the N.W., is that it raised em' strong. Those who couldn't take it or couldn't use their head didn't make it. Barbaric, but...
Well... on to... something. The roast, I think. First I'll just season it, and let it come to room temp. That just helps tenderize and get it to cook right. I'll be adding butter heavily, as this particular roast has almost no fat. First to sear it, then to baste, really. If I don't care for it all that much, I'll turn more of it to beef salad. All good. Later.
.
I made it to, perhaps, 9:00, give or take an hour or two, then crashed hard. I was down for two hours. Given the givens, that was just fine. I haven't been able to do much today. I will be looking for paperwork soon. I have been doing some of that, I'll just be doing more. As well, I believe I am about to cook a beef roast. I am hoping to pulverize the remnants into something like a beef-based deviled ham. The canned stuff is a bit salty, and has a lot of weird stuff in it. It might as well just suggest that it is a full 70% edible! Almost anything you buy, cooked and ready to go, isn't all food. I don't might going heavy on salt, but there are limits for me. I finished the leg of lamb yesterday, for dinner. It really was as good for leftovers as it was the first shot. I did well with that.
It, being winter, is dark much of the time. The darkness is lifting, if not so much due to more sunshine. The days are simply getting longer. More of even a dirty sun is better than less, if you like, need, or just want more light that is. And I do, save in high summer. I am happy to put up with high summer and high winter to have the change though, very happy to trade doldrums, or worse, for alternating seasons. I've tried the bland weather. It just wasn't for me. Better still, rather than quite as raw as N.W. Iowa winters, and tornadoes, here it is much smoother. Not as cold even when it is the coldest in years as this year. And while we get more snow, we have more places to put it, somehow. Plus, we have mountains if getting out and playing in snow is the way. Oh, and just a short drive away is perpetual spring-like weather. Although, something to be said for Iowa, at least in the N.W., is that it raised em' strong. Those who couldn't take it or couldn't use their head didn't make it. Barbaric, but...
Well... on to... something. The roast, I think. First I'll just season it, and let it come to room temp. That just helps tenderize and get it to cook right. I'll be adding butter heavily, as this particular roast has almost no fat. First to sear it, then to baste, really. If I don't care for it all that much, I'll turn more of it to beef salad. All good. Later.
Rested well.
.
.
My body simply let go, came back down to earth, and eased into a relaxed position. Sleep was as wonderful as I have known it for... weeks. Sensual dreams. Just... remembering women who have carried me over the line, at times. Not necessarily lovers, though not excluding those, simply not focused on that part of my relationship with women. Of course, any relationship with a woman is bitter-sweet. I'm not sure if they, or we, can help it. There is better and worse bitter-sweet though. These bumps in the night were of the better forms, as when nurses or women nursing me back to health are well remembered, or other tending that women can bring. Healing through the night, in memories, with women. Of course there is always the element of their nature, the promise of it in general, that can lead a man back from a precipice.
I can't be sure when I went to bed. perhaps around 22:00? Plus or minus an hour, more? I woke at 4:00. A bit before but I took my time climbing out of bed. I had no need to take time. I realized how early it was and was giving any aspect of my body, mind, and spirit and opportunity to do a deeper check and veto the process if that was deemed wise. Obviously, waking wasn't an issue. It is a good day, so far.
Oh, right. Yesterday, when first heading out, and then in the final miles home, the fog was close. Not so close that driving was an issue, just enough that the phenomena of the fog, with the snow, and with the sun attempting to burn through, made for a very strange sort of event. I desperately needed my sunglasses in spite of it being rather dark in one sense. This isn't the haiku I crafted, or even recrafted, since the event and in my sleep, but it will do. I can't remember the best. If I do I may write it.
Yes, reading the book on haiku is returning my interest. Am I learning from the masters? In some sense, perhaps. Translation destroys the meters, though that isn't all bad. It leaves one with the essence, expecting the mind to find or allow for the form. Or even suggest that form is not the whole or priority? There is some such notions waiting to be itched by reason or art. The best advice I read was that haiku is meant to announce the uncommon using the common, or simple. Paraphrased, and could be taken many ways, if I took it literally and that seems to be panning out by the author of that notion's work.
Oh... decided to get the exact quote by Yosa Buson, when asked if there was a secret to haiku, he suggested "Yes, use the commonplace to escape the commonplace." Then asked if there was a secret to learning how to do this, he said, "Yes, read Chinese poetry." ~ Now, I might have enough of an idea of some things to be dangerous. The interesting thing about how the Chinese write, is that it is based on the poetic to start. So poetry in a poetic language? Then again, that was probably a very specific poetry from a certain period or periods for China. Still, the notions have gone into the hopper and will produce in time.
Right. I guess I am just saying one is feeding another which is flowing ever to the sea. So, haiku may be back on the menu, if just as an additive to a post from time to time. Maybe daily, maybe weekly, though I am hoping to work a few or more in a week. Why? One good haiku can say more than a thousand words, more than a picture. Though... perhaps adding a picture, too, could create a whole novel? I'll find out, perhaps, if you will have to be the judge.
Later.
.
My body simply let go, came back down to earth, and eased into a relaxed position. Sleep was as wonderful as I have known it for... weeks. Sensual dreams. Just... remembering women who have carried me over the line, at times. Not necessarily lovers, though not excluding those, simply not focused on that part of my relationship with women. Of course, any relationship with a woman is bitter-sweet. I'm not sure if they, or we, can help it. There is better and worse bitter-sweet though. These bumps in the night were of the better forms, as when nurses or women nursing me back to health are well remembered, or other tending that women can bring. Healing through the night, in memories, with women. Of course there is always the element of their nature, the promise of it in general, that can lead a man back from a precipice.
I can't be sure when I went to bed. perhaps around 22:00? Plus or minus an hour, more? I woke at 4:00. A bit before but I took my time climbing out of bed. I had no need to take time. I realized how early it was and was giving any aspect of my body, mind, and spirit and opportunity to do a deeper check and veto the process if that was deemed wise. Obviously, waking wasn't an issue. It is a good day, so far.
light emanating
from the darkness? winter fog;
wearing sunglasses
Oh, right. Yesterday, when first heading out, and then in the final miles home, the fog was close. Not so close that driving was an issue, just enough that the phenomena of the fog, with the snow, and with the sun attempting to burn through, made for a very strange sort of event. I desperately needed my sunglasses in spite of it being rather dark in one sense. This isn't the haiku I crafted, or even recrafted, since the event and in my sleep, but it will do. I can't remember the best. If I do I may write it.
Yes, reading the book on haiku is returning my interest. Am I learning from the masters? In some sense, perhaps. Translation destroys the meters, though that isn't all bad. It leaves one with the essence, expecting the mind to find or allow for the form. Or even suggest that form is not the whole or priority? There is some such notions waiting to be itched by reason or art. The best advice I read was that haiku is meant to announce the uncommon using the common, or simple. Paraphrased, and could be taken many ways, if I took it literally and that seems to be panning out by the author of that notion's work.
Oh... decided to get the exact quote by Yosa Buson, when asked if there was a secret to haiku, he suggested "Yes, use the commonplace to escape the commonplace." Then asked if there was a secret to learning how to do this, he said, "Yes, read Chinese poetry." ~ Now, I might have enough of an idea of some things to be dangerous. The interesting thing about how the Chinese write, is that it is based on the poetic to start. So poetry in a poetic language? Then again, that was probably a very specific poetry from a certain period or periods for China. Still, the notions have gone into the hopper and will produce in time.
Right. I guess I am just saying one is feeding another which is flowing ever to the sea. So, haiku may be back on the menu, if just as an additive to a post from time to time. Maybe daily, maybe weekly, though I am hoping to work a few or more in a week. Why? One good haiku can say more than a thousand words, more than a picture. Though... perhaps adding a picture, too, could create a whole novel? I'll find out, perhaps, if you will have to be the judge.
Later.
Friday, February 3, 2017
Perhaps I can rest.
.
.
I did call my mother, to let her know I had done what I could. She has been helping me by calling to keep me on track. It has helped. If the payment went through, and things are back to normal, I will just have her help me two more times, the next few months, to remember to pay and keep that on time until the automatic payment plan goes into function. That wouldn't be likely to be in force until April or May. On the good side, I can make basic payments until then, so as to sort out any messes that are left in the lurch and just catch my financial breath.
After that, when the plan kicks in, I will be up to double payments. If I have money at the end of the month, sometimes that will go to savings for some bigger items, sometimes it will go toward extra on the principle. If I can pay this off it ten to fifteen, I will. But I'd like to get new flooring in the kitchen, a new furnace (and probably ac, and duct work), as well as get the en suite back in operation. Ugh. Well, and I would like to get a new refrigerator and maybe a dishwasher next year.
Of course, even if I decide to move along, having more in the house will make getting out from under it, possibly, easier. Even if I have to take a loss. It is still cheaper than rent, which might be why the companies seem to want to force people out of homeownership, or some people... if that probably isn't the whole of it. Politics, of course. If they are supporting the people who are bashing Trump supporters to death for being "NAZI's", they wouldn't think a second thought of stealing their home from them. Yes, it is getting very dangerous out there. Watch yourselves, even in smaller college towns.
I guess I have to wait and see. I should be able to find out Monday. And then begin figuring out what my radicalized government has done with my social security check. Good night.
.
I did call my mother, to let her know I had done what I could. She has been helping me by calling to keep me on track. It has helped. If the payment went through, and things are back to normal, I will just have her help me two more times, the next few months, to remember to pay and keep that on time until the automatic payment plan goes into function. That wouldn't be likely to be in force until April or May. On the good side, I can make basic payments until then, so as to sort out any messes that are left in the lurch and just catch my financial breath.
After that, when the plan kicks in, I will be up to double payments. If I have money at the end of the month, sometimes that will go to savings for some bigger items, sometimes it will go toward extra on the principle. If I can pay this off it ten to fifteen, I will. But I'd like to get new flooring in the kitchen, a new furnace (and probably ac, and duct work), as well as get the en suite back in operation. Ugh. Well, and I would like to get a new refrigerator and maybe a dishwasher next year.
Of course, even if I decide to move along, having more in the house will make getting out from under it, possibly, easier. Even if I have to take a loss. It is still cheaper than rent, which might be why the companies seem to want to force people out of homeownership, or some people... if that probably isn't the whole of it. Politics, of course. If they are supporting the people who are bashing Trump supporters to death for being "NAZI's", they wouldn't think a second thought of stealing their home from them. Yes, it is getting very dangerous out there. Watch yourselves, even in smaller college towns.
I guess I have to wait and see. I should be able to find out Monday. And then begin figuring out what my radicalized government has done with my social security check. Good night.
Sent, but that doesn't mean all that much.
.
.
The amount to send and all the connecting information was gathered. Yeah, I was running late. Tired and with a severe headache I headed out. The bank employees either misunderstood or... I was rather clear about what I needed and why, and yet ended up wasting an half hour on the wrong form. Their employees, who send the wires, agreed to do it later than they usually do, though that doesn't mean it arrived in time. I am not working with people, on that side, who are either honest or seeming even working in good faith.
Some of the information was different than what I was given. And, yet, it was close enough. I hope. I checked the numbers carefully, there were three long strings of nunbers, routing and account numbers. I had some worry about the cost. Things have changed, but percentages, rather that flat fees for the service, is what really worried me, especially with social security income gone missing. It ended up being ~$15. Fee? Taxes? Some sliding scale by amount? Who knows, though it might be on something printed out. It was small enough that I simply wasn't worried about that part.
Now, did it get there? I have been calling, from time to time, since I sent the wire. Usually I get right through. At this time, I haven't been able to make contact after three or four calls. They aren't willing to talk. They are hiding. Perhaps they will reject this sum and I'll have to start all over again? That is pretty much on par with how this has been going.
I grabbed a bite to eat on the way home, stuffed a handful of anacin down when I got home, and am just trying to settle a bit. I have given up on making contact with the company. They aren't interested in communicating. And, yeah, they have told me they are open until 20:00~21:00 on weekdays? Even if that is EST, that would be 18:00~19:00, and I have been calling since 15:30 or so. I did what I could. If I had know the sum was the same I would have sent this out the 1st. Bleh. I'll find out soon enough.
Unless I help them find my ss check, I'm looking at $460 for the month, $300 of that covering minimums in accounts. Tight, but if accepted, I can do that. I will sleep, game, and read. Later or good night. The headache is a monster.
.
The amount to send and all the connecting information was gathered. Yeah, I was running late. Tired and with a severe headache I headed out. The bank employees either misunderstood or... I was rather clear about what I needed and why, and yet ended up wasting an half hour on the wrong form. Their employees, who send the wires, agreed to do it later than they usually do, though that doesn't mean it arrived in time. I am not working with people, on that side, who are either honest or seeming even working in good faith.
Some of the information was different than what I was given. And, yet, it was close enough. I hope. I checked the numbers carefully, there were three long strings of nunbers, routing and account numbers. I had some worry about the cost. Things have changed, but percentages, rather that flat fees for the service, is what really worried me, especially with social security income gone missing. It ended up being ~$15. Fee? Taxes? Some sliding scale by amount? Who knows, though it might be on something printed out. It was small enough that I simply wasn't worried about that part.
Now, did it get there? I have been calling, from time to time, since I sent the wire. Usually I get right through. At this time, I haven't been able to make contact after three or four calls. They aren't willing to talk. They are hiding. Perhaps they will reject this sum and I'll have to start all over again? That is pretty much on par with how this has been going.
I grabbed a bite to eat on the way home, stuffed a handful of anacin down when I got home, and am just trying to settle a bit. I have given up on making contact with the company. They aren't interested in communicating. And, yeah, they have told me they are open until 20:00~21:00 on weekdays? Even if that is EST, that would be 18:00~19:00, and I have been calling since 15:30 or so. I did what I could. If I had know the sum was the same I would have sent this out the 1st. Bleh. I'll find out soon enough.
Unless I help them find my ss check, I'm looking at $460 for the month, $300 of that covering minimums in accounts. Tight, but if accepted, I can do that. I will sleep, game, and read. Later or good night. The headache is a monster.
Hurry.
.
.
As I was getting ready to shower, I had a cold fear. I looked outside. At first it didn't make sense. Then I realized it was fog, not a heavy snow or... something. Almost heavy enough that shoveling the fog seemed possible! But, no. I transcribed the sending information, but I best get going. Had to take a shower. Next on to town. When this is done, I can figure out social security on Monday. Though maybe a call later yet. Not sure how long things will take. The drive, both ways, is about an hour... depending on traffic. With the fog traffic may be brutal, more so on a Friday.
Just air drying a bit before I go out. I don't want to get sick on top of else. Not much time for that, but a little. That and blogging, so as to clear my head. Later.
.
As I was getting ready to shower, I had a cold fear. I looked outside. At first it didn't make sense. Then I realized it was fog, not a heavy snow or... something. Almost heavy enough that shoveling the fog seemed possible! But, no. I transcribed the sending information, but I best get going. Had to take a shower. Next on to town. When this is done, I can figure out social security on Monday. Though maybe a call later yet. Not sure how long things will take. The drive, both ways, is about an hour... depending on traffic. With the fog traffic may be brutal, more so on a Friday.
Just air drying a bit before I go out. I don't want to get sick on top of else. Not much time for that, but a little. That and blogging, so as to clear my head. Later.
You know, it's not just me.
.
.
My bank is not showing my social security check. It hasn't deposited. This is the first time that has ever been a problem since I started receiving it. I honestly think this is federal and state workers acting against me, directly. This is what Trump faces. They need to find a way to eliminate workers, get rid of the ones who believe they own our government. Start with the heads of departments, can just slice right down through the ranks. It would be good to be able to split the good from the bad. I'm not sure there is a difference at this point. Perhaps the bad has become too powerful and too pervasive to be simply removed without just removing as many workers as possible, and implementing changes top to bottom. Eliminating the union, to allow much simplified firing, would also be part of it. Reagan was never able to overcome this. I hope Trump can, or we will be having a civil war in short order. There is a cost for having an arrogant aristocratic bureaucracy that intends to harm the people.
Now I have to figure out who to even call about this. I can only imagine the drudgery that lays ahead as I figure out who to call and what has gone wrong, working with people who are purposefully trying to harm me.
------------
I called. It was, of course, impossible to contact anyone. And their phone system is a mess. They want me to speak, I won't. I used numbers, and so far, have been able to negotiate the system. The choice, in the end, was a forty minute wait or a call back in fifty minutes. I took the latter. In theory, I should receive a call in an half hour.
------------
Someone from SS called back, a black. Wouldn't speak up, could barely hear him and he meant it. They have some address from my past. I am sure I updated to this address, but they have been extremely difficult to work with, including refusing to send my money to this current bank. It wouldn't surprise me if they simply ignored my request for an updated address to this address without even informing me. So, that went nowhere.
Still, I wanted to see about something. I thought the loan holder had said the wire amount given was only good until the 31st. So I wanted to find out how much the current amount would be. I was told that the amount is good until the 3rd, so no update was necessary. As it turns out, if just barely, I can cover that amount. So... a shower then a trip to town, stopping at my bank. I need to rework the information, so it is more exact, for the wire transfer. Then I will call to let them know it has been posted.
That still leaves figuring out what is going on with social security. That will mean a trip to wherever they even have an office. I will probably be required to have a drivers license, social security card, birth certificate, proof of address, and who knows what else. If I get things arranged with the payment in time, I'll attempt to find and call the most local office. They avoid talking on the phone there as much as they do on their main phone line. Yeah, jerks, and they mean it.
.
My bank is not showing my social security check. It hasn't deposited. This is the first time that has ever been a problem since I started receiving it. I honestly think this is federal and state workers acting against me, directly. This is what Trump faces. They need to find a way to eliminate workers, get rid of the ones who believe they own our government. Start with the heads of departments, can just slice right down through the ranks. It would be good to be able to split the good from the bad. I'm not sure there is a difference at this point. Perhaps the bad has become too powerful and too pervasive to be simply removed without just removing as many workers as possible, and implementing changes top to bottom. Eliminating the union, to allow much simplified firing, would also be part of it. Reagan was never able to overcome this. I hope Trump can, or we will be having a civil war in short order. There is a cost for having an arrogant aristocratic bureaucracy that intends to harm the people.
Now I have to figure out who to even call about this. I can only imagine the drudgery that lays ahead as I figure out who to call and what has gone wrong, working with people who are purposefully trying to harm me.
------------
I called. It was, of course, impossible to contact anyone. And their phone system is a mess. They want me to speak, I won't. I used numbers, and so far, have been able to negotiate the system. The choice, in the end, was a forty minute wait or a call back in fifty minutes. I took the latter. In theory, I should receive a call in an half hour.
------------
Someone from SS called back, a black. Wouldn't speak up, could barely hear him and he meant it. They have some address from my past. I am sure I updated to this address, but they have been extremely difficult to work with, including refusing to send my money to this current bank. It wouldn't surprise me if they simply ignored my request for an updated address to this address without even informing me. So, that went nowhere.
Still, I wanted to see about something. I thought the loan holder had said the wire amount given was only good until the 31st. So I wanted to find out how much the current amount would be. I was told that the amount is good until the 3rd, so no update was necessary. As it turns out, if just barely, I can cover that amount. So... a shower then a trip to town, stopping at my bank. I need to rework the information, so it is more exact, for the wire transfer. Then I will call to let them know it has been posted.
That still leaves figuring out what is going on with social security. That will mean a trip to wherever they even have an office. I will probably be required to have a drivers license, social security card, birth certificate, proof of address, and who knows what else. If I get things arranged with the payment in time, I'll attempt to find and call the most local office. They avoid talking on the phone there as much as they do on their main phone line. Yeah, jerks, and they mean it.
Dark days and nights.
.
.
Overcast and cold, perhaps colder than usual? It seems like it. Though every winter seems like it, especially in the final stretch. I was late getting down, due to the leg of lamb roast... which turned out fantastic. I think I've gotten a bit used to lamb chops. And, as with someone I cooked leg of lamb for, who wasn't fond of it, I as she ended up liking it very well. Sometimes, if you cook something just right, even if it isn't a favorite, it can take on a whole different... appeal? I just had a sample. I was quite pleased. Not much on the yearling lamb, which isn't a complaint mind you, just a note. It's how you can tell you aren't eating mutton. Well, and the sweeter taste, or non-bitter taste. Mutton is... much more of an acquired taste.
So why lamb? Because I definitely like chops and ground lamb. As well, the only reason leg of lamb isn't a favorite is that it is such a rare item. If it is big enough for a family, it is more likely mutton, and, as I mentioned, that is a rather severe acquired flavor. These true yearling leg of lamb would only serve, perhaps, three or four people, if two of the people are young. Anyway, as I mentioned, this turned out to be a jewel of a meal. I boned the meat, put about half of it up, had a slice, but then gnawed on the knuckle... it's the only way and I would have hated to waste that meat. I didn't go down until 2:00, or 1:30, or... something. I wish I could get my computer to work with the atomic clock. Or the same one my other one works with.
I have been bumping into dark dreams... understandings... in my dreams. I have some notion that people are praying for my suicide? Really? Really. A few things about that. If you are praying for someone else to sin, you are not praying to the God of Abraham. God does not induce, produce, or support sin. There is only one who does, and that is not God. That is a special kind of evil. Praying for a painless death is pushing the boundaries. Praying for death at all is rather dangerous ground. What is it you are supposed to do with enemies? You love them. If they are truly dangerous, killing them can be righteous. Praying for a suicide, or death, is not among the wise choices. If I am that much of a threat, man up and take the hit through an honest murder. If you are right, regardless of man's law, you will be cleansed of a righteous killing. I'll bet that won't work out for you, but... praying for a suicide is so much more seriously dangerous to your soul.
I am not sure I am awake for the day. I didn't hear it, until I woke, but my mother had called three times before catching me on the fourth. The phone didn't wake me, but something did. Having gone down so late, and it being so dark yet... I may end up taking a nap in a bit, then getting out and going a bit later, as I did the other day. I'll... do my best. Good day.
.
Overcast and cold, perhaps colder than usual? It seems like it. Though every winter seems like it, especially in the final stretch. I was late getting down, due to the leg of lamb roast... which turned out fantastic. I think I've gotten a bit used to lamb chops. And, as with someone I cooked leg of lamb for, who wasn't fond of it, I as she ended up liking it very well. Sometimes, if you cook something just right, even if it isn't a favorite, it can take on a whole different... appeal? I just had a sample. I was quite pleased. Not much on the yearling lamb, which isn't a complaint mind you, just a note. It's how you can tell you aren't eating mutton. Well, and the sweeter taste, or non-bitter taste. Mutton is... much more of an acquired taste.
So why lamb? Because I definitely like chops and ground lamb. As well, the only reason leg of lamb isn't a favorite is that it is such a rare item. If it is big enough for a family, it is more likely mutton, and, as I mentioned, that is a rather severe acquired flavor. These true yearling leg of lamb would only serve, perhaps, three or four people, if two of the people are young. Anyway, as I mentioned, this turned out to be a jewel of a meal. I boned the meat, put about half of it up, had a slice, but then gnawed on the knuckle... it's the only way and I would have hated to waste that meat. I didn't go down until 2:00, or 1:30, or... something. I wish I could get my computer to work with the atomic clock. Or the same one my other one works with.
I have been bumping into dark dreams... understandings... in my dreams. I have some notion that people are praying for my suicide? Really? Really. A few things about that. If you are praying for someone else to sin, you are not praying to the God of Abraham. God does not induce, produce, or support sin. There is only one who does, and that is not God. That is a special kind of evil. Praying for a painless death is pushing the boundaries. Praying for death at all is rather dangerous ground. What is it you are supposed to do with enemies? You love them. If they are truly dangerous, killing them can be righteous. Praying for a suicide, or death, is not among the wise choices. If I am that much of a threat, man up and take the hit through an honest murder. If you are right, regardless of man's law, you will be cleansed of a righteous killing. I'll bet that won't work out for you, but... praying for a suicide is so much more seriously dangerous to your soul.
I am not sure I am awake for the day. I didn't hear it, until I woke, but my mother had called three times before catching me on the fourth. The phone didn't wake me, but something did. Having gone down so late, and it being so dark yet... I may end up taking a nap in a bit, then getting out and going a bit later, as I did the other day. I'll... do my best. Good day.
Thursday, February 2, 2017
I should be in bed.
.
.
I cooked dinner, the chops, then... forgot about the roast. It should have gone in earlier. It only has about an half hour left, so it isn't too too late. Still, I had hoped, and think I could have been, to be to bed by 22:00, give or take an half hour. I'll just game a bit, as I get ready for bed. I think I can. I'm at a boss, so if I miss I'll lose a lot. Then again dying would do that anyway. While playing through a tough part right at bedtime might not be successful, it does get me ready for it the next day. Usually.
Good night.
.
I cooked dinner, the chops, then... forgot about the roast. It should have gone in earlier. It only has about an half hour left, so it isn't too too late. Still, I had hoped, and think I could have been, to be to bed by 22:00, give or take an half hour. I'll just game a bit, as I get ready for bed. I think I can. I'm at a boss, so if I miss I'll lose a lot. Then again dying would do that anyway. While playing through a tough part right at bedtime might not be successful, it does get me ready for it the next day. Usually.
Good night.
Always have to check.
.
.
Dinner. I will go with chops, potatoes, though the lettuce is looking a bit rough, not sure that will do. I'll bake the potatoes first, takes a bit. Then bake the chops a bit before frying them as a finish. Lamb chops, so I'll sprinkle with mint, tarragon, ground clove, rosemary, and salt. Actually, I had a leg of lamb too, so I'll just cook it all. The leg will go in the oven and just start and finish there... after some stove-top browning. Just the reverse of how I do the chops. Hmm... while I was thinking on it, I just went ahead and spiced those cuts. With an hour to get to room temp and circulate the spices through, as salt and the natural moisture in the cuts do, the meat should end up very tender.
I forgot to call the insurance company. Not much I can do about it in any case. The goal is to get a shower, get to bed earlier, and be to town as early as possible tomorrow. I'll call them when I know more, actually. I'll need to check the balance in my other accounts before heading to the bank with a check. Messy. I'll do what I can. If it just goes right through, I can figure out the rest and do it tomorrow or Monday. I still have to call back to figure out how much the new balance will be, if it is even still available. The lawyer keeps sending me four and five pieces of mail at a time, he is trying to charge for every piece, and make it too expensive for me. I know how this works. I will find out more tomorrow.
Later, or good night.
.
Dinner. I will go with chops, potatoes, though the lettuce is looking a bit rough, not sure that will do. I'll bake the potatoes first, takes a bit. Then bake the chops a bit before frying them as a finish. Lamb chops, so I'll sprinkle with mint, tarragon, ground clove, rosemary, and salt. Actually, I had a leg of lamb too, so I'll just cook it all. The leg will go in the oven and just start and finish there... after some stove-top browning. Just the reverse of how I do the chops. Hmm... while I was thinking on it, I just went ahead and spiced those cuts. With an hour to get to room temp and circulate the spices through, as salt and the natural moisture in the cuts do, the meat should end up very tender.
I forgot to call the insurance company. Not much I can do about it in any case. The goal is to get a shower, get to bed earlier, and be to town as early as possible tomorrow. I'll call them when I know more, actually. I'll need to check the balance in my other accounts before heading to the bank with a check. Messy. I'll do what I can. If it just goes right through, I can figure out the rest and do it tomorrow or Monday. I still have to call back to figure out how much the new balance will be, if it is even still available. The lawyer keeps sending me four and five pieces of mail at a time, he is trying to charge for every piece, and make it too expensive for me. I know how this works. I will find out more tomorrow.
Later, or good night.
Nap.
.
.
Didn't see it coming. Crashed, hard, but at a good time of the day for it. If I must nap, noon, give or take an hour, especially when I am awake before 8:00 or 9:00, and I'm good. I had no idea how long it would last. I went down so hard and fast that setting the alarm was not an option. Oh, I thought about it for about ten seconds as I was ambling toward my bed, lurching like a wounded animal. By the time I was lifting the blankets to settle in it all went dark. I was worried that I would end up sleeping four hours or something crazy, maybe more. I dropped like a rock. Nope. Just an hour, perhaps an half hour more? I didn't catch the exact time, only that it was after 11:00 when I went down, maybe after noon? I think it was 13:15 or so when I woke. I am also unsure of which clocks the times where taken from. The computer is 15 minutes slow, the atomic is on time, and the alarm clock is 30 minutes fast. :p
I need to do some online business tomorrow, then get a check from one account to the other in to my local bank, in prep for some sort of transfer to the loan holder. I don't know how long it takes for the check to clear, I'll find out then call the phone number. My insurance company, I just found out, is asking about financing, saying Freedom Mortgage, the company that had my mortgage, is telling them they aren't connected with the home. I'll call the insurance company yet today, to see what this is about. Not much I can do until/unless I can catch the payments up. Still, I'd like to see if this is a problem all it's own, though they seem to still continue to charge, so I don't see a problem there, or yet, or that I understand.
After a call, I might shower, set up some dishes for a fresh soak, then head out for a meal. Or, well, I do have meat thawed. Perhaps chops and salad? With a small potato and mushrooms? Who knows. I need to do a bit of shopping when I get to town tomorrow. Milk and other minor things. Apples or some fruit too. I sure miss fruit when it is off-season. I'll make due, or give it a shot. Later.
.
Didn't see it coming. Crashed, hard, but at a good time of the day for it. If I must nap, noon, give or take an hour, especially when I am awake before 8:00 or 9:00, and I'm good. I had no idea how long it would last. I went down so hard and fast that setting the alarm was not an option. Oh, I thought about it for about ten seconds as I was ambling toward my bed, lurching like a wounded animal. By the time I was lifting the blankets to settle in it all went dark. I was worried that I would end up sleeping four hours or something crazy, maybe more. I dropped like a rock. Nope. Just an hour, perhaps an half hour more? I didn't catch the exact time, only that it was after 11:00 when I went down, maybe after noon? I think it was 13:15 or so when I woke. I am also unsure of which clocks the times where taken from. The computer is 15 minutes slow, the atomic is on time, and the alarm clock is 30 minutes fast. :p
I need to do some online business tomorrow, then get a check from one account to the other in to my local bank, in prep for some sort of transfer to the loan holder. I don't know how long it takes for the check to clear, I'll find out then call the phone number. My insurance company, I just found out, is asking about financing, saying Freedom Mortgage, the company that had my mortgage, is telling them they aren't connected with the home. I'll call the insurance company yet today, to see what this is about. Not much I can do until/unless I can catch the payments up. Still, I'd like to see if this is a problem all it's own, though they seem to still continue to charge, so I don't see a problem there, or yet, or that I understand.
After a call, I might shower, set up some dishes for a fresh soak, then head out for a meal. Or, well, I do have meat thawed. Perhaps chops and salad? With a small potato and mushrooms? Who knows. I need to do a bit of shopping when I get to town tomorrow. Milk and other minor things. Apples or some fruit too. I sure miss fruit when it is off-season. I'll make due, or give it a shot. Later.
Better.
.
.
I couldn't get to sleep until late. That's become the norm lately. Though while after midnight, it wasn't much after. I slept nine hours or so, which is actually better than usual. The goal is eight hours, when I am doing better it hits more like six to seven hours, when I am doing worse it can hit twelve hours. That is a major part of why I can't run a regular daily pattern. My last bit in the military, when I had become this ill, and then my shot at college, were brutal. However, today was a better day compared to most recent days. Perhaps the bit of work helped.
I am amazed, so far, to see what is happening politically. While president Trump is a bit of a wild card at times, I don't have a problem with that. Yelling at the lead politician in Australia? Yeah, well, he is trying to push muslims on us, unvetted at that (if vetting is even possible)? I am hoping we can get those returned to their native lands or one of their rich muslim countries (which, by the way, are complaining that they can't vet these refuges themselves!). Hmm, I wonder if Trump can help return and strengthen their right to own and bear arms? As well, that is how Trump works. And it seems to get the job done. Pussy-footing around, playing nice, and surrendering at the least provocation has not worked well for us, in domestic or foreign politics. A little bull-dogging might just be what is needed.
As for his Supreme Court pick? I honestly don't know. They always say these guys are so and such, and then they turn out to be whatever they end up being. I honestly don't know if moles are purposefully put in, if the position corrupts, or if there really isn't a good way to know who is being dealt with. With the failure and corruption of academia, getting good people to or even through those institutions is becoming less and less likely. They are barring the path for good, honest, Christian, solidly American, citizens. Academia is a swamp, and almost nothing else. It needs a complete overhaul and major reduction. I'm not sure we CAN get a just honest right judge at this point. The last "conservative" judge seated, who became the chief justice, proved by calling something unconstitutional then ignoring his own pronouncement, that they can't be trusted.
Today? I don't know. I'll look over the house and keep my lists of objectives in mind. I need a bit of time to wake. Being cloudy, dark, waking takes longer. Some days it just isn't quite fully possible. I've got the heat up, which might help. I've been trying to do the little extra things in an attempt to push on through. It just hasn't been happening. I'll keep at it. It'll give and I'll get back at things before long. Later.
.
I couldn't get to sleep until late. That's become the norm lately. Though while after midnight, it wasn't much after. I slept nine hours or so, which is actually better than usual. The goal is eight hours, when I am doing better it hits more like six to seven hours, when I am doing worse it can hit twelve hours. That is a major part of why I can't run a regular daily pattern. My last bit in the military, when I had become this ill, and then my shot at college, were brutal. However, today was a better day compared to most recent days. Perhaps the bit of work helped.
I am amazed, so far, to see what is happening politically. While president Trump is a bit of a wild card at times, I don't have a problem with that. Yelling at the lead politician in Australia? Yeah, well, he is trying to push muslims on us, unvetted at that (if vetting is even possible)? I am hoping we can get those returned to their native lands or one of their rich muslim countries (which, by the way, are complaining that they can't vet these refuges themselves!). Hmm, I wonder if Trump can help return and strengthen their right to own and bear arms? As well, that is how Trump works. And it seems to get the job done. Pussy-footing around, playing nice, and surrendering at the least provocation has not worked well for us, in domestic or foreign politics. A little bull-dogging might just be what is needed.
As for his Supreme Court pick? I honestly don't know. They always say these guys are so and such, and then they turn out to be whatever they end up being. I honestly don't know if moles are purposefully put in, if the position corrupts, or if there really isn't a good way to know who is being dealt with. With the failure and corruption of academia, getting good people to or even through those institutions is becoming less and less likely. They are barring the path for good, honest, Christian, solidly American, citizens. Academia is a swamp, and almost nothing else. It needs a complete overhaul and major reduction. I'm not sure we CAN get a just honest right judge at this point. The last "conservative" judge seated, who became the chief justice, proved by calling something unconstitutional then ignoring his own pronouncement, that they can't be trusted.
Today? I don't know. I'll look over the house and keep my lists of objectives in mind. I need a bit of time to wake. Being cloudy, dark, waking takes longer. Some days it just isn't quite fully possible. I've got the heat up, which might help. I've been trying to do the little extra things in an attempt to push on through. It just hasn't been happening. I'll keep at it. It'll give and I'll get back at things before long. Later.
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
With a little help.
.
.
More help then not, by far. Still... the roof shovel was assembled and put into use. One of the neighbors worked with a shovel, to one side of the roof, and I grabbed a ladder and went to the back porch roof, with a shovel. It was a bit of work. And, walking through deep snow, my feet got wet and cold. Cold isn't a major issue, though I did need gloves.
The roof shovel does okay. It will do much better if I get out right after a heavy snow though. This snow was fairly packed, so it took a good deal of effort to take it down. I know, for sure, that the more dangerous part has been removed. I didn't look much beyond that, though I think the roof has been well treated. Still, if it warms I may go out in an attempt to pull more down. Just... because? Or just in case? Or because I can, want to, should, or in an abundance of caution? Yeah shut up. :p
I did work well enough to get that rattle. Not that I did much work, just that I haven't been working much.
One of the cuts of meat thawing is a roast of some sort. Generally I only like chuck. Sirloin, round, and others, are all too lean for my taste. And, yet, I took the advice of my butcher, spoke with my mother, and... well... I have some. As such, I'll work on them. Not tonight, but tomorrow I hope, I plan to pressure cook that roast. It's a lot of meat, and to me a bit dull. Still, if worked a bit, spiced, and doctored, it might do. I have never known what to do with the leftovers though. They really are dry tough mild-flavored cuts. Then I saw it.
My mother used to do this as well. She would do it with chicken, beef, maybe even pork. It was a way to change up leftover meats, and odd parts perhaps. As a kid, I didn't care for it, though I did eat it. It, often, has a... liver-like flavor. Something about breaking down meats. Or that is how I remember it. It didn't matter if it was foul or red meat, it just... gets an odd flavor when ground. Still... as time has changed, I sure enjoy liverwurst. And that is much stronger liver-flavored than these others, I think? So, I might, with homemade mayo, try making a beef spread with the leftovers. Hey, I'm trying. As to parting it out and covering with ghee? If I could keep up on ghee, I would. Perhaps making three or four servings for a couple week period. Though I think, if quartered, a "serving" could last several days. Just thinking on food again. Not sure I'll make it, but... we'll see.
Oh, but I am certainly not hand grinding the beef, if I do it. Food processors are the only way. Barring that, wife or children, or I'll just chew on chunks until it is gone. *grins*
Good day, and maybe good night.
.
More help then not, by far. Still... the roof shovel was assembled and put into use. One of the neighbors worked with a shovel, to one side of the roof, and I grabbed a ladder and went to the back porch roof, with a shovel. It was a bit of work. And, walking through deep snow, my feet got wet and cold. Cold isn't a major issue, though I did need gloves.
The roof shovel does okay. It will do much better if I get out right after a heavy snow though. This snow was fairly packed, so it took a good deal of effort to take it down. I know, for sure, that the more dangerous part has been removed. I didn't look much beyond that, though I think the roof has been well treated. Still, if it warms I may go out in an attempt to pull more down. Just... because? Or just in case? Or because I can, want to, should, or in an abundance of caution? Yeah shut up. :p
I did work well enough to get that rattle. Not that I did much work, just that I haven't been working much.
One of the cuts of meat thawing is a roast of some sort. Generally I only like chuck. Sirloin, round, and others, are all too lean for my taste. And, yet, I took the advice of my butcher, spoke with my mother, and... well... I have some. As such, I'll work on them. Not tonight, but tomorrow I hope, I plan to pressure cook that roast. It's a lot of meat, and to me a bit dull. Still, if worked a bit, spiced, and doctored, it might do. I have never known what to do with the leftovers though. They really are dry tough mild-flavored cuts. Then I saw it.
My mother used to do this as well. She would do it with chicken, beef, maybe even pork. It was a way to change up leftover meats, and odd parts perhaps. As a kid, I didn't care for it, though I did eat it. It, often, has a... liver-like flavor. Something about breaking down meats. Or that is how I remember it. It didn't matter if it was foul or red meat, it just... gets an odd flavor when ground. Still... as time has changed, I sure enjoy liverwurst. And that is much stronger liver-flavored than these others, I think? So, I might, with homemade mayo, try making a beef spread with the leftovers. Hey, I'm trying. As to parting it out and covering with ghee? If I could keep up on ghee, I would. Perhaps making three or four servings for a couple week period. Though I think, if quartered, a "serving" could last several days. Just thinking on food again. Not sure I'll make it, but... we'll see.
Oh, but I am certainly not hand grinding the beef, if I do it. Food processors are the only way. Barring that, wife or children, or I'll just chew on chunks until it is gone. *grins*
Good day, and maybe good night.
Something improved.
.
.
Was it the bit of sunshine that came through? The heat that came with it for a bit? Was it just that I have been tending thirst, so now might be able to work on food? I don't know. I do know I am feeling better. Even if I don't get to much, I suspect I will get to some things. I'd like to get another shower, then hit dishes. Soaking some, washing what has been soaking, and maybe kicking it all through today. As well, I'd like to hit the laundry. Just taking care of the clean clothes that have been just sitting there. With that done, the baskets will be open to hit the final chapter in laundry, probably beginning tomorrow.
As well, I will begin gaming again. It seems like a small or even counterproductive activity. It isn't, not always. It can help me stay more active, closer to wakefulness, and be useful as a timed event between other chores. It's not perfect. My plans, designs, systems... simply not perfect. But in a body like mine, there is no such thing as perfect. It's not a matter of staying up, or just getting up, but getting up when that is possible and suffering through when that isn't possible. For a gogetter, being down is horrible, claustrophobic, terrible. I only live because I have learned to suffer. In this time of suffering, however, I just saw through the window to a tomorrow of action and thought. Might not be there quite yet, but I'll... get to what of it I can, even yet today.
Good afternoon and day.
.
Was it the bit of sunshine that came through? The heat that came with it for a bit? Was it just that I have been tending thirst, so now might be able to work on food? I don't know. I do know I am feeling better. Even if I don't get to much, I suspect I will get to some things. I'd like to get another shower, then hit dishes. Soaking some, washing what has been soaking, and maybe kicking it all through today. As well, I'd like to hit the laundry. Just taking care of the clean clothes that have been just sitting there. With that done, the baskets will be open to hit the final chapter in laundry, probably beginning tomorrow.
As well, I will begin gaming again. It seems like a small or even counterproductive activity. It isn't, not always. It can help me stay more active, closer to wakefulness, and be useful as a timed event between other chores. It's not perfect. My plans, designs, systems... simply not perfect. But in a body like mine, there is no such thing as perfect. It's not a matter of staying up, or just getting up, but getting up when that is possible and suffering through when that isn't possible. For a gogetter, being down is horrible, claustrophobic, terrible. I only live because I have learned to suffer. In this time of suffering, however, I just saw through the window to a tomorrow of action and thought. Might not be there quite yet, but I'll... get to what of it I can, even yet today.
Good afternoon and day.
Posting to post.
.
.
Nothing has changed for some time. Such minor activity is ongoing that posting is just to say I have done something. I can't even read, it just takes too much focus. Drifting around the internet, reading shorter spots, trying to make some sense of things, is what consumes the majority of my time. I might try gaming. I am stuck on a particular puzzle in the game I have been playing. I suppose I might just have to look around to see if someone has posted the solution. Oh... wait... upon thinking on it, I might well have just fig... nope. I have figured out how to get beyond the area, once I figure out the puzzle though. Yeah, tricky, some of them, start to stop.
I have been looking at the freebie movies, and movies from a couple of pay sights. Movie production has collapsed. I have attempted to hook up with music, I simply haven't found a good, simple, source for music. They are either pay, or some sort of major headache of a signup, or both, and perhaps more... all of distribution systems I may not end up enjoying. If they can't do a signup free free trial, I just don't really want to mess with it. As well, I haven't heard, just around and about, much good new music. It seems, other than for movies or dancing, music is dying? It sure seems that way.
It looks like the roof shovel is in, nothing else. I'm about to check to see what happened to the rest. I thought it was all UPS that was arriving. They are usually pretty good. There is another decent delivery service, which is used rarely, a small company, perhaps just in-state? The rest are questionable. Not often on time, not always to the house, bleh. Considering that when delivery was all by public mail, and took weeks as a rule, delivery has improved. I just don't understand why most will use the best and others don't. I think some are stuck, for various reasons, in the past. Though, too, I must say... if... when... the economic collapse hits, these times will be just fond memories.
Finally choosing wisely, or more wisely, will not change that the devil is due for the songs that have been being played. I'm not even talking about the moral, ethical, and religious failings which too must be accounted. No, just the financial foolishness. It's sort of like trajectory. The only way to prevent a more imminent fall back to earth is to attain a certain altitude. But at that altitude or more, there is a whole and much larger new set of problems. Central economic planning has more than failed. They are hiding as much of it as they can, but everybody knows.
Oh, right, on to something. Thirsty too. Good day.
.
Nothing has changed for some time. Such minor activity is ongoing that posting is just to say I have done something. I can't even read, it just takes too much focus. Drifting around the internet, reading shorter spots, trying to make some sense of things, is what consumes the majority of my time. I might try gaming. I am stuck on a particular puzzle in the game I have been playing. I suppose I might just have to look around to see if someone has posted the solution. Oh... wait... upon thinking on it, I might well have just fig... nope. I have figured out how to get beyond the area, once I figure out the puzzle though. Yeah, tricky, some of them, start to stop.
I have been looking at the freebie movies, and movies from a couple of pay sights. Movie production has collapsed. I have attempted to hook up with music, I simply haven't found a good, simple, source for music. They are either pay, or some sort of major headache of a signup, or both, and perhaps more... all of distribution systems I may not end up enjoying. If they can't do a signup free free trial, I just don't really want to mess with it. As well, I haven't heard, just around and about, much good new music. It seems, other than for movies or dancing, music is dying? It sure seems that way.
It looks like the roof shovel is in, nothing else. I'm about to check to see what happened to the rest. I thought it was all UPS that was arriving. They are usually pretty good. There is another decent delivery service, which is used rarely, a small company, perhaps just in-state? The rest are questionable. Not often on time, not always to the house, bleh. Considering that when delivery was all by public mail, and took weeks as a rule, delivery has improved. I just don't understand why most will use the best and others don't. I think some are stuck, for various reasons, in the past. Though, too, I must say... if... when... the economic collapse hits, these times will be just fond memories.
Finally choosing wisely, or more wisely, will not change that the devil is due for the songs that have been being played. I'm not even talking about the moral, ethical, and religious failings which too must be accounted. No, just the financial foolishness. It's sort of like trajectory. The only way to prevent a more imminent fall back to earth is to attain a certain altitude. But at that altitude or more, there is a whole and much larger new set of problems. Central economic planning has more than failed. They are hiding as much of it as they can, but everybody knows.
Oh, right, on to something. Thirsty too. Good day.
Minor things.
.
.
A shower and the trash bin back into place. Some washing of dishes, some set to soak. Not much. It is simply difficult to get things done.
Some items were ordered, and will be arriving tomorrow, probably. Including a scoop for the roof. With as much snow that has piled up I do worry. I'm not so concerned about a snow slide/fall, more of a roof collapse, for the open porch out back. I'm not sure it would kill me, it would hurt. A lot. I hope it works. There is another type, but it is double the cost and more. I think it would take an extension, sold separately, making it more like three times the cost or more.
If the packages arrive, or when I think they won't, I'll consider a trip to town. Just a bit of minor shopping and getting out of the house. It seems cold out there, but cold isn't a bad thing for me. Less so if I eat well. I have been trying to eat a bit more. It is difficult. I have been eating bread, being cautious with carbs, as much as that is possible. Lunch meat, rolls of about 25 carbs per, oyster stew, and I might look for cans of tomato soup. It doesn't have to be fancy. I have meat thawing finally. Meat is better, but it requires cooking, which requires cleaning, which... I haven't been able to keep up on.
Milk helps, cream is good for extra fat and calories when I need to do work. I figure I can work. I just can't always work, cook, shop, and clean. Limits. Either work suffers and I go without food, or I have to eat food that isn't good for me. Corners have to be cut one way or the other. That is how solo operations are... fail. It's why He made them in pairs, male and female.
Hmm.... a bit more tea. It's still dry as the dickens, still getting down into 16%. I think I helped manage the thirst by drinking a lot more yesterday. Though I need to try to keep up on it by drinking a bit more each day. A gallon before bedtime. Yes, I have a man's man bladder. *grins* Good night.
.
A shower and the trash bin back into place. Some washing of dishes, some set to soak. Not much. It is simply difficult to get things done.
Some items were ordered, and will be arriving tomorrow, probably. Including a scoop for the roof. With as much snow that has piled up I do worry. I'm not so concerned about a snow slide/fall, more of a roof collapse, for the open porch out back. I'm not sure it would kill me, it would hurt. A lot. I hope it works. There is another type, but it is double the cost and more. I think it would take an extension, sold separately, making it more like three times the cost or more.
If the packages arrive, or when I think they won't, I'll consider a trip to town. Just a bit of minor shopping and getting out of the house. It seems cold out there, but cold isn't a bad thing for me. Less so if I eat well. I have been trying to eat a bit more. It is difficult. I have been eating bread, being cautious with carbs, as much as that is possible. Lunch meat, rolls of about 25 carbs per, oyster stew, and I might look for cans of tomato soup. It doesn't have to be fancy. I have meat thawing finally. Meat is better, but it requires cooking, which requires cleaning, which... I haven't been able to keep up on.
Milk helps, cream is good for extra fat and calories when I need to do work. I figure I can work. I just can't always work, cook, shop, and clean. Limits. Either work suffers and I go without food, or I have to eat food that isn't good for me. Corners have to be cut one way or the other. That is how solo operations are... fail. It's why He made them in pairs, male and female.
Hmm.... a bit more tea. It's still dry as the dickens, still getting down into 16%. I think I helped manage the thirst by drinking a lot more yesterday. Though I need to try to keep up on it by drinking a bit more each day. A gallon before bedtime. Yes, I have a man's man bladder. *grins* Good night.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
A long sleep and some heavy dreams.
.
.
I slept well, just not for long. I was warm enough, or could stay warm enough, so it wasn't that. I went to bed early and still woke very late. In that over-sleep period I had some serious dreams.
In the first of the two, I was a king of sorts. A king is the lord of an area or country, not of everything or many things. I was not an emperor. What land I ruled I could not say, though it wasn't a rulership as humans would know them, not yet. My domain covered both space and time in a manner that humans aren't even comfortable discussing... yet. Also, with me, was a queen, or several. I can't remember the details. She, or they, were in a variant of time and space as well. I was not sure if the various seeming women were all one woman, locked in some point of one woman's life, but freed in another. It's complex. I understand the possibilities, I am simply not sure how to describe them. Oh, fine, I'll give it a shot.
One possibility is that all my queens where one woman, but from different times in her life. There where three or four, that I remember from the dream, though there might have been others. Imagine if a woman pledged to wed, as a maiden, was frozen in time. Then, other than that part of her, the rest was allowed to age. At certain times in her life, say after marriage but before children, then after several children are born, then after she may no longer have children or right before her death, pieces of her are again frozen in time. These, then, are allowed to become my wives, my queens. Advisers? Lovers?
Either they were all one woman or they were aspects of various women. I just wasn't sure, as a waking dreamer. In the dream I seemed to understand, I just never contemplated it fully, so can only guess.
I was similar and yet different. I could be any of me from some time, gone back to and unfrozen to live for as long as needed, but as I willed it. Sometimes my duties demanded youth, for war or hunting or fathering. Sometimes more wisdom was needed. Sometimes, often, without exacting needs, which of my time stops were lived was simply a personal choice.
In any case, I ruled and probably ruled that portion of reality from then on. What is it that I did? I don't know. It was an inactive time. I was merely living out my life, contemplating various things, and enjoying the company of my queen(s). You have no idea how complex it got. This is just some of the minor vagaries. I literally have no words or methods for some of the other things, even on light-duty.
-----------
The next dream saw me being asked to do favors for the state, the US government. Essentially I became a special operations federal marshal. Some of what I did was create a top training school for special operators, which also acted as a temporary barracks, storage depot, and some other things. It was quite a gig.
I stated, straight up, that I would not become a black booted thug, and would fight any decree or man who attempted such. I would only fight for the good of Americans and America. Although to those ends I would take risks and make hard choices and do those things, even at great risks. This was understood and accepted.
It was like... being in a grown up candyland, on the best playground for warriors, with the best equipment, time, and space, to perfect various modern, mechanized, martial, surveillance, and other arts. While training, I searched for moles and politically evil actors and eliminated them from my program and even from military or police units from which they were derived. It's not even a tight call, for many. They just shouldn't have access to weapons, state powers, or such. I even created a position for a man to oversee my actions.
Dogs, guns, various methods, various ranges, various methods of transportation, and of course cross training. Not everyone can learn to pilot a helicopter, but several should know how to do enough for emergencies, not everyone can be a sniper, but beside those teams I wanted backups in the units, etc. Muslim training grounds in the US, then in our sister nations, then back to over there. Just taking out the ones that were taking trouble up, over there. All in North America, however, were to be eliminated... as with the politicians who were covering for them. Three... two... one.
---------
A tough morning. Just slept too long. The back and ribs can get a bit tender from such. It was worse first thing, is better now. I might take a dose of anacin, haven't touched the stuff in a long while. Later.
.
I slept well, just not for long. I was warm enough, or could stay warm enough, so it wasn't that. I went to bed early and still woke very late. In that over-sleep period I had some serious dreams.
In the first of the two, I was a king of sorts. A king is the lord of an area or country, not of everything or many things. I was not an emperor. What land I ruled I could not say, though it wasn't a rulership as humans would know them, not yet. My domain covered both space and time in a manner that humans aren't even comfortable discussing... yet. Also, with me, was a queen, or several. I can't remember the details. She, or they, were in a variant of time and space as well. I was not sure if the various seeming women were all one woman, locked in some point of one woman's life, but freed in another. It's complex. I understand the possibilities, I am simply not sure how to describe them. Oh, fine, I'll give it a shot.
One possibility is that all my queens where one woman, but from different times in her life. There where three or four, that I remember from the dream, though there might have been others. Imagine if a woman pledged to wed, as a maiden, was frozen in time. Then, other than that part of her, the rest was allowed to age. At certain times in her life, say after marriage but before children, then after several children are born, then after she may no longer have children or right before her death, pieces of her are again frozen in time. These, then, are allowed to become my wives, my queens. Advisers? Lovers?
Either they were all one woman or they were aspects of various women. I just wasn't sure, as a waking dreamer. In the dream I seemed to understand, I just never contemplated it fully, so can only guess.
I was similar and yet different. I could be any of me from some time, gone back to and unfrozen to live for as long as needed, but as I willed it. Sometimes my duties demanded youth, for war or hunting or fathering. Sometimes more wisdom was needed. Sometimes, often, without exacting needs, which of my time stops were lived was simply a personal choice.
In any case, I ruled and probably ruled that portion of reality from then on. What is it that I did? I don't know. It was an inactive time. I was merely living out my life, contemplating various things, and enjoying the company of my queen(s). You have no idea how complex it got. This is just some of the minor vagaries. I literally have no words or methods for some of the other things, even on light-duty.
-----------
The next dream saw me being asked to do favors for the state, the US government. Essentially I became a special operations federal marshal. Some of what I did was create a top training school for special operators, which also acted as a temporary barracks, storage depot, and some other things. It was quite a gig.
I stated, straight up, that I would not become a black booted thug, and would fight any decree or man who attempted such. I would only fight for the good of Americans and America. Although to those ends I would take risks and make hard choices and do those things, even at great risks. This was understood and accepted.
It was like... being in a grown up candyland, on the best playground for warriors, with the best equipment, time, and space, to perfect various modern, mechanized, martial, surveillance, and other arts. While training, I searched for moles and politically evil actors and eliminated them from my program and even from military or police units from which they were derived. It's not even a tight call, for many. They just shouldn't have access to weapons, state powers, or such. I even created a position for a man to oversee my actions.
Dogs, guns, various methods, various ranges, various methods of transportation, and of course cross training. Not everyone can learn to pilot a helicopter, but several should know how to do enough for emergencies, not everyone can be a sniper, but beside those teams I wanted backups in the units, etc. Muslim training grounds in the US, then in our sister nations, then back to over there. Just taking out the ones that were taking trouble up, over there. All in North America, however, were to be eliminated... as with the politicians who were covering for them. Three... two... one.
---------
A tough morning. Just slept too long. The back and ribs can get a bit tender from such. It was worse first thing, is better now. I might take a dose of anacin, haven't touched the stuff in a long while. Later.
Monday, January 30, 2017
Thirsty as a devil, tired too.
.
.
I have no idea why. I do wonder, sometimes, if a dry spell happens here, just as with rain or snow or hot or cold, but it's very own thing. I purchased a humidity gauge, but I haven't been tracking it well. From what I have seen, which is very give or take, the usual range is in the 30's. Today, the 24 hour high has been 24%, the low 16%, and it is currently 22%. That might be what exacerbates my thirst. The cold actually adds to my thirst as well. I've been drinking more like three gallons a day the last few days. Even that isn't quite doing it. Mostly tea and then some milk. I may add water, or exchange water, in. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it actually makes my thirst worse. Life, for me, is a crapshoot, regarding almost any phenomena of the physique and how to treat it. Odd thing though, I've been able to keep the water out of my feet anyway. Dry, might just be having it zapped out, just as if I was in a hot, rather than cold, desert.
I did get the trash out, not much else. A few dishes done, and a few set to soak, but just a few. Maybe, tomorrow, I can get the barrel in, check the mail, do more dishes... who knows. Thirst isn't helping. And, even though I am eating more often, that isn't helping much either. It's high winter in a colder than usual winter, and dryer than usual for the moment. I'll keep trying to get the engine going and work on some things, or just keep resting as needed.
A woman decided to chide me. Something about how women hit the ground running. How my handle was a pseudo handle. About how clever she is, and how big a girl she is for having a tech-god boyfriend or husband or whatever these days. Remember how I suggested I could, with that look and a few words, bake the meanest of my women? Yeah, well.
I suggested that I will, in essence, be here forever. Until the end of time. In my essence. She won't. She, and women, might hit the ground running, but that is because that which they draw their worth is gone so much faster than the horror that is the length of their lives compared to it that there isn't a choice. There was a bit more, in both directions, her first, me last. Haven't heard "boo" from her since. That look, and a few words. Oh... which is which? The song, yeah, always music. I found this in about two seconds. Or... it found me. I never can be sure.
.
I have no idea why. I do wonder, sometimes, if a dry spell happens here, just as with rain or snow or hot or cold, but it's very own thing. I purchased a humidity gauge, but I haven't been tracking it well. From what I have seen, which is very give or take, the usual range is in the 30's. Today, the 24 hour high has been 24%, the low 16%, and it is currently 22%. That might be what exacerbates my thirst. The cold actually adds to my thirst as well. I've been drinking more like three gallons a day the last few days. Even that isn't quite doing it. Mostly tea and then some milk. I may add water, or exchange water, in. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it actually makes my thirst worse. Life, for me, is a crapshoot, regarding almost any phenomena of the physique and how to treat it. Odd thing though, I've been able to keep the water out of my feet anyway. Dry, might just be having it zapped out, just as if I was in a hot, rather than cold, desert.
I did get the trash out, not much else. A few dishes done, and a few set to soak, but just a few. Maybe, tomorrow, I can get the barrel in, check the mail, do more dishes... who knows. Thirst isn't helping. And, even though I am eating more often, that isn't helping much either. It's high winter in a colder than usual winter, and dryer than usual for the moment. I'll keep trying to get the engine going and work on some things, or just keep resting as needed.
A woman decided to chide me. Something about how women hit the ground running. How my handle was a pseudo handle. About how clever she is, and how big a girl she is for having a tech-god boyfriend or husband or whatever these days. Remember how I suggested I could, with that look and a few words, bake the meanest of my women? Yeah, well.
I suggested that I will, in essence, be here forever. Until the end of time. In my essence. She won't. She, and women, might hit the ground running, but that is because that which they draw their worth is gone so much faster than the horror that is the length of their lives compared to it that there isn't a choice. There was a bit more, in both directions, her first, me last. Haven't heard "boo" from her since. That look, and a few words. Oh... which is which? The song, yeah, always music. I found this in about two seconds. Or... it found me. I never can be sure.
Cold, and a hard cold.
.
.
I won't say it is colder than usual, for this winter. It is cold, and has stayed that way for a long while. Perhaps it is just getting to me, or at this moment on this day. Usually I'm fine with it. Just not today.
I turned the furnace up. Usually I would have done that already. Not every morning, but usually I turn the heat up first thing. Some days I don't think about it, some days I don't need it, some days I simply don't want it. I do handle the cold very well, usually. Today is not one of those times. Even the most bear-like folk break down, from time to time, because of the cold. Though I'd wager my worst days in failing to the cold are better than those who are always cold. Even their best days, it seems, are hard on them. Most women suffer the cold, no more.
I did get the trash lugged out. There wasn't much, just a single sack. But it was well past time to get it out! I haven't been cooking or tinkering much, so there simply hasn't been much to toss. Though volume isn't what goes bad. Everything goes bad, it is simply a matter of time. I looked down the streets, it looked like the truck hadn't been through. I just hope it worked out. Though, with just one sack, even if I missed this week, I believe that will freeze so well that it won't be a problem waiting until next week. No one seemed to have their recycling out, so I should be good there. I'd like to have it ready next week, so it can all go out Sunday night. That's the best way. If I miss anything, on purpose or not, I then have parts of the morning to get any last minute bags out.
I suppose I'll read a bit. I might need to nap, as the cold is sapping energy. A shower sometime soon as well? Ugh. Later.
.
I won't say it is colder than usual, for this winter. It is cold, and has stayed that way for a long while. Perhaps it is just getting to me, or at this moment on this day. Usually I'm fine with it. Just not today.
I turned the furnace up. Usually I would have done that already. Not every morning, but usually I turn the heat up first thing. Some days I don't think about it, some days I don't need it, some days I simply don't want it. I do handle the cold very well, usually. Today is not one of those times. Even the most bear-like folk break down, from time to time, because of the cold. Though I'd wager my worst days in failing to the cold are better than those who are always cold. Even their best days, it seems, are hard on them. Most women suffer the cold, no more.
I did get the trash lugged out. There wasn't much, just a single sack. But it was well past time to get it out! I haven't been cooking or tinkering much, so there simply hasn't been much to toss. Though volume isn't what goes bad. Everything goes bad, it is simply a matter of time. I looked down the streets, it looked like the truck hadn't been through. I just hope it worked out. Though, with just one sack, even if I missed this week, I believe that will freeze so well that it won't be a problem waiting until next week. No one seemed to have their recycling out, so I should be good there. I'd like to have it ready next week, so it can all go out Sunday night. That's the best way. If I miss anything, on purpose or not, I then have parts of the morning to get any last minute bags out.
I suppose I'll read a bit. I might need to nap, as the cold is sapping energy. A shower sometime soon as well? Ugh. Later.
A brutal sleep.
.
.
Some days there really isn't much choice. I woke often enough, around my more usual wake times. I simply could not catch that spark of real wakefulness. I slept without the cats, thinking maybe that would allow me to sleep better. It just wasn't the case, so sometime mid-sleep I let them back in. Only on rare occasions does having the cats in with me affect sleep, more when I am suffering insomnia... which I haven't suffered for some time. What they often do, though, is help me back to sleep when I wake for no good reason. Especially if it's a hard wake boot and I have to figure things out. Those aren't a thing of age. I've had them since I was a child, waking up without being sure where I am, sometimes even who I am. I learned well how to deal with not having a name, place, face I could recall, etc, then learning to figure it out. Terrifying the first times, now just part of... how my life has gone. Now it's the one thing I do remember, if not why, when I lose all else. It's a place I know.
A shower, maybe the trash out first, and recycling? I'd better get going. Ah, too late for recycling, if I can get the bag out. I don't use much recycling these days. Having finished the series I was watching, I'll get back to reading. I am, say, a fifth the way through the final book of Dante's poetry. Paradisimo, I suppose, paradise or heaven really. And, of course, I am working on the haiku book. I am about half way through that one. Then? Perhaps one of the poets and a regular book. Reading two books of poetry per isn't my gig. Having two different enough books can enhance the reading experience of each book, though, without being too much. Haiku and Dante are different enough, most poetry would not be all that different. I'd like to randomize which poet author to read first, or not? And, read them all? Maybe. Or I may just find a list of their more famous poems and do those? I'll see. Could burn out on poetry very quickly. And, honestly, I'd like to memorize a few, perhaps from each... or those I favor. How long can a memorization last?
Ah, but first, trash out then a shower? Then some dishes? I am running behind and rough. I'll work at working, if I could just get going! Good day.
.
Some days there really isn't much choice. I woke often enough, around my more usual wake times. I simply could not catch that spark of real wakefulness. I slept without the cats, thinking maybe that would allow me to sleep better. It just wasn't the case, so sometime mid-sleep I let them back in. Only on rare occasions does having the cats in with me affect sleep, more when I am suffering insomnia... which I haven't suffered for some time. What they often do, though, is help me back to sleep when I wake for no good reason. Especially if it's a hard wake boot and I have to figure things out. Those aren't a thing of age. I've had them since I was a child, waking up without being sure where I am, sometimes even who I am. I learned well how to deal with not having a name, place, face I could recall, etc, then learning to figure it out. Terrifying the first times, now just part of... how my life has gone. Now it's the one thing I do remember, if not why, when I lose all else. It's a place I know.
A shower, maybe the trash out first, and recycling? I'd better get going. Ah, too late for recycling, if I can get the bag out. I don't use much recycling these days. Having finished the series I was watching, I'll get back to reading. I am, say, a fifth the way through the final book of Dante's poetry. Paradisimo, I suppose, paradise or heaven really. And, of course, I am working on the haiku book. I am about half way through that one. Then? Perhaps one of the poets and a regular book. Reading two books of poetry per isn't my gig. Having two different enough books can enhance the reading experience of each book, though, without being too much. Haiku and Dante are different enough, most poetry would not be all that different. I'd like to randomize which poet author to read first, or not? And, read them all? Maybe. Or I may just find a list of their more famous poems and do those? I'll see. Could burn out on poetry very quickly. And, honestly, I'd like to memorize a few, perhaps from each... or those I favor. How long can a memorization last?
Ah, but first, trash out then a shower? Then some dishes? I am running behind and rough. I'll work at working, if I could just get going! Good day.
Oh, I see.
.
.
I'm heading on to bed, but not without... some dark thoughts. Daydreams, understandings, doubts of the future and past. Not one without the other. Actually, some certainties. Not a real concern for the moment, except for those. I would explain but I really don't think... Hmm? Oh, well, this might help you understand.
.
I'm heading on to bed, but not without... some dark thoughts. Daydreams, understandings, doubts of the future and past. Not one without the other. Actually, some certainties. Not a real concern for the moment, except for those. I would explain but I really don't think... Hmm? Oh, well, this might help you understand.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Up earlier and strange dreams.
.
.
Not much earlier, even though I was to bed very early. The early bedtime was probably a fluke. Though I seemed to need the rest. As for the dreams? All I remember, for sure, are sounds. Several times, as if someone was walking on my roof. The heavy crunch of deeper, well frozen, snow. No, it wasn't a Santa dream, though it didn't have the feel of some sort of invasion either. Hmm, maybe, if it was warmer, or something, snow has started to slip off. I'm not quite ready to go check.
I slept well if I kept waking. Not from the sounds, though I more suspect those were dreams than not. If, to my surprise, sound will wake me even right while in dreams. Sam woke me while quite in a dream. And it was her meowing that I heard, and her paws and whiskers tickling my face that I felt, right in the dream.
I don't know about today. Perhaps a shower, dishes, and taking care of some laundry that needs hung or folded. I'm having a rough time being active. While I am staying awake, it is difficult to remain so. And yet I can't really nap, either. That feeling that I am being stretched, but don't have many options, is what has been in play for a while. Turning up the heat helps stay awake, mostly, but it doesn't help me do more. It's just how it goes.
.
Not much earlier, even though I was to bed very early. The early bedtime was probably a fluke. Though I seemed to need the rest. As for the dreams? All I remember, for sure, are sounds. Several times, as if someone was walking on my roof. The heavy crunch of deeper, well frozen, snow. No, it wasn't a Santa dream, though it didn't have the feel of some sort of invasion either. Hmm, maybe, if it was warmer, or something, snow has started to slip off. I'm not quite ready to go check.
I slept well if I kept waking. Not from the sounds, though I more suspect those were dreams than not. If, to my surprise, sound will wake me even right while in dreams. Sam woke me while quite in a dream. And it was her meowing that I heard, and her paws and whiskers tickling my face that I felt, right in the dream.
I don't know about today. Perhaps a shower, dishes, and taking care of some laundry that needs hung or folded. I'm having a rough time being active. While I am staying awake, it is difficult to remain so. And yet I can't really nap, either. That feeling that I am being stretched, but don't have many options, is what has been in play for a while. Turning up the heat helps stay awake, mostly, but it doesn't help me do more. It's just how it goes.
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