One last thing...

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While making kefir, usually I prefer to mix the whey back in, for a more sour result.  I... do love the sour.  Still, there are other things you can do with it.  Today, in my order, I ordered four red onions and a bigger batch of carrots than needed.  Separately, I intend to produce a quart or two of each, as fermented vegetables.

A bit surprised.

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No nap.  I did get a shower and the dishes back in... if I didn't mention it.  I really wanted a nap.  Mostly I simply waited for the time to go.  Milk was delivered.  Very welcome.  Some of it was set right to kefir.  I can begin drinking that stuff twice a day.  Usually raw.  Sometimes sweetened.  Sometimes sweetened with fruit.  Sometimes with fruit but otherwise raw.  Between a tablespoon and two of fruit, or five larger strawberries.  If sweetened, two drops per sixteen ounces.  I think I'll do mornings plain, then mix and match nights.  Ten ounces of frozen fruits will last two weeks, at that rate... or well past a week anyway.  No, I'm thinking two weeks a package.

I really do love that stuff.  Something about the tang.  You have to get almost completely away from sugar and the faster carbs.  It would be even easier if you got away from almost all carbs.  But, if you get away from sugars, your taste buds change.  And that sour begins to present a hidden sweetness that just doesn't make sense to the senses when sugar is a regular item.  Though, too much and it is like eating too much lemon or lime.  It'll dig into your gut and make it sore, sour.  Two glasses a day is as much as I can do.  Perhaps, in time, more can be consumed.  If I don't think that is wise.  Two glasses, between twelve and sixteen ounces, is about as much as I really think is needed.  Less if you are smaller.

Green kale was available this time.  I have chicken hindquarters thawed.  That might be cooked tonight, or tomorrow.  All of it will be pulled and used for soup.  I do have beef stock out, but really need to remember chicken feet, and maybe extra bone from somewhere.  Uncooked is best, perhaps the store will have some?  I'll call, it's not something they list in their online listing.  Well, and pork hocks... for both types of stew.  It really thickens, and fattens.

I think I got everything on my list.  If they don't have something, I don't quite have a good way to compare what I ordered with what I received.  They said the receipt was mailed.  I'll... have to review.  Still, it's not a bad program, just a bit... confusing, for me, currently.  I'll try to get my head wrapped around things and work it out.  Oh... the good thing about the drive?  On the way home, the sun smiled at me.  Two days in a row I got to see the sun.  Life... always seems a hair better with some sun... in the winter.  Some clouds, especially rain, in the summer.  And a smiling woman on most days.  Unless... she knows what I'm up to?  No, that's... even better.  *grins*

Everything is put up.  Except something I am snacking on.  Not sure it will fit back in, but maybe.  I'll give it a shot, when I can stand.  Tired already, then well fed, means... not moving anywhere or fast.  Later.

Actually, good night.  I'll be sure to include you in my prayers, if I usually do anyway.  Friend, enemy, family... you all need it.  Amen and sleep well.

Not sure how much today.

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Absolutely exhausted.  A bit sore.  But not feeling ill.  Just can't get going.  Even playing games is difficult.  I'm thinking about a nap.  It may end up throwing my day off, but it's going anyway.

Chores were done.  Oh, and I have things to do this afternoon... best not nap.  Gah!  I had hoped to get dishes going, but need to take a shower, then get ready to do some things.

The real trick is just figuring out what to do in order to stay awake long enough to do what is needed.  It isn't the cool.  I can tell when that is getting to me.  It is just... I have done too much lately.  Tired, energy spent.  Ugh.  I am hoping the store calls, to see if I need anything else.  Eggs!  Cheese, cheddar, too.  I love the idea of shredding my own cheese, but that is a lot of work, with the cleaning, packaging, and else.  So, I go with the middling shredded cheddar.  It's all I can do.  I'd like to add other cheeses, but... edam, gourda, and a dozen others.  Beside their expense, it's figuring out how and when to eat them, before they go bad.  I do what I can.

More milk will be on the way.  I offered to pick it up myself.  Though not today.  I couldn't do both trips.  But, Monday, to sort of force myself out, perhaps.  Neighbors pick it up for me.  I offer them little gifts, if out of appreciation, not in payment?  Something.  Odd things.  I hope they find use or enjoyment with the items.  Ugh... life is messy.  Always owe more than what I can pay, get what I don't deserve.  Just waiting to die, but... not, too.  I'll live as much as I can until then.  Amen.

Well... just... getting out what bothers me.  Have a good day.  I hope you can do a bit more than I.  I really may just have to nap.  Oh well, or all good?  All good.  Later.

Up late.

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Couldn't sleep until nearly eleven.  I don't know why.  The goal is to be to bed earlier.  One can hope.  Up at around 08:48, or so.  I will turn the furnace up first thing, just to warm the waterers.  Then back down.  I really need to layer if I am going to keep it in the mid sixties in here.  But that is doable.  It just isn't always enough.  I may have to warm the house, from time to time. just to 70?  Just for an hour or two.

The girls are hungry today.  Can tell.  Some morning they are hungry, even hangry, for no particular reason.  They are almost dangerous in this mood.  I particularly, on those days, do not feed them immediately.  If I do, they will begin trying to force me to wake, pushing the envelope.  They have to know who is in charge.  The problem a lot of people have is that they give in to their pets.  If you do, you begin, slowly, losing control.  I don't mind, I'm hungry almost all of the time.  I eat less, by portion calories, than they do.  Plus, they have dry food always available, and plenty of very fresh water, beside two to three treats equaling a small meal a day, plus two large meals a day.  I wish I had it so good!

I think I have to get feed ready.  No real problem.  Just a few scoops.  And, perhaps, I should pick up feed today.  For the birds, and maybe more for the rabbits.  I will just dump one of the bags of wheat, per two bags of real feed, until it is gone.  Ugh, money, money, time, energy, push, and shove.  So tired, worn, achy... and it's dark.  The little bit of sun yesterday was quite the gift.  Just a few moments, but it helped.

Well, on to waking, then chores.  A shower sometime after.  Dishes started... restarted really.  Plus washing off the freezer top, getting ready to dry some of those dishes.  Laundry?  I don't have enough for a load.  Other cleaning?  Trash out, perhaps, and recycling.  Recycling isn't this week, but I don't have much.  Still, good to get it out of the way.  Hmm, perhaps start taking boxes down and putting them in?  Maybe.  If there is room, and so long as it doesn't block the exit.

Anyway... yea, maybe.  More tomorrow.  And, a trip for a blood test soon, plus calls to the ssa, for letters.  And then hooking up with a lawyer, if possible.  I can't believe a local lawyer turned me down without even any real consideration and a lawyer a state over at least wanted to find out the details before choosing.  More to it than what I can see from my side, no doubt.  Do states have costs, inputs, and say in the matter?  I don't know.  Anyway...  More, soon, including medicine.  My medicine is in, so... I need to get that refilled.  So tired, confused, but... I've got to do it.  Later.

So ready for bed.

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The thawed meat was put in the fridge.  Old and new waterers have been set up, so that I have two larger batches ready at any moment.  Tomorrow I will also reset a second, smaller, waterer selection.  As it gets warm enough, I want to put out a smaller set at night.  Currently, I have two large sets, one medium set, and a partial very small set.  I will work on getting one more medium set and two smaller sets.  It just allows me to coast, from time to time.

I am hoping to finish setting up food for the rabbits, and getting the girls a late dinner.  I will shower in the morning, and set up dishes after.  As well, perhaps, wash off what has been cleared.  I have replenished nuts, and with kefir going, am almost ready to dig back into keto.  I ordered wrong food, some, to be picked up tomorrow.  It is my... blow-out before going back onto keto.

Keto, in one sense, isn't difficult.  My problem is keeping up with food at all.  Then, when I get too hungry, I eat like hungry animals do... messily and whatever is easy, handy, available, quickly.  You can only eat just so many sardines (which are keto by the way), or packs of tuna, or such.  If your body needs hot, varied, full meals... pizza or McDonalds or... any of a thousand things which it craves will be had.  My will is good, right until it tries to drive my body off a cliff... or my body believes I am doing something wrong, or hurting it.  Then it will take over and do what it wills.  At that point, anything I "say" is seen as... dubious, perhaps dangerous.  It may do the opposite, or angle away in some way.  That is the truth.  Trying to kill yourself, and hurting your body a great deal, quite some number of times does make the body both separate from the mind a bit, and create it's own will... our flesh has a will to survive I doubt most of us understand, until it has been unleashed.  Unleashed some number of times, by accident or ill intent, that will is... incredible.  Think of antibodies... but of the body against the mind.

Anyway... it is keeping up on food.  I have small stores of keto, a system of meeting demands, and a will to it.  I have been slowly working back to it, but... so tired, sometimes, I haven't been able to focus, resist, and have needed food.  I am coming about and regaining focus.  Still, with soon starting meds, it... might become difficult.  Storing up helps, being able to order food helps, but finances being screwy from becoming behind on energy hurts.  I have to have some freedom to just buy, and buy keto.

Keto doesn't have to be expensive.  Actually, with something like stews, it is cheaper.  IF you can make the food from raw ingredients, or nearly so.  But that takes a clean(er) kitchen, clean dishes and cookware, and such.  OR it will be expensive... and often dubious.  They slap the keto label on things dogs shouldn't be allowed to eat.  And they lie, stop to start.  You don't know who or what to trust until you've invested.  It looks like companies try to destroy your keto, as with diabetics where they lie about sugars.  It is easy, if you have the money, and focus, and access to a kitchen and fresh foods.  A lot of if's for a dying fool.

Still, I am getting close.  This month or next, I will go full keto again.  I will be edging that way even until then.  I need more stock bones, for chicken and beef, then to get to that.  Hmm, pork hocks would help, and chicken feet too.  Those really add a lot of the thickening agents.  Still, mostly beef and regular chicken bones.  Oh, I probably need freezer containers too... 16 ounce and 32 ounce work the best.  Anyway...

Good night.

A rather nice day.

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Tired.  Achy when I woke.  Still, chores were done reasonably well.  And I keep checking.  The rabbits water is still flowing, and they are eating well.  The little gents are still a bit miffed at papa, but seem to be slowly getting over it.  And the ducks have been pleased to have the driveway opened.  They like hiking around the place, and snow makes that less fun.

I have shoveled twice, and now plowed the driveway and frontage areas twice.  Once with a little help, the last time all on my own.  As well, I took care of a bit of business... for now.  Have to figure out how to stay up on that.  Quite cruel to jack fuel like that.  A one time miss ends in four hundred in arears?  Then with a two day cutoff notice?  They have a phone number, probably my email, but those are too much?  Really?  Still, I have it fixed, for the moment.

As well, groceries have been ordered, again.  I am hoping that works this time.  Just enough for a few weeks.  The only thing I need through the month is fresh veggies from time to time, and dairy.  Dairy is paid on the first, for the month ahead.  Oh, and I found a steak from... a... while ago.  I thawed it, with some hopes.  Grilled it.  It was quite good.  Probably the last ribeye I'll have for... most likely from here on out.  Oh well.

Oh, I am also turning the furnace down.  I'll start at 68~70.  See where the bill goes.  I may have to push the 66 line, and hope electricity doesn't go out.  I would like to have alternatives, but those are all probably more expensive.  Even the propane heater... which I'd have to be careful with as well... would cost a big chunk.  And kerosene heaters would be twice that.  But those would be good if all heat gets lost for a bit.  I can probably handle it, mostly, but the girls can't.  Cats just really don't do well below 50.  I'll have to figure something out.

Ah, but, in the end, the sun was shining at the end of the day.  Just... a bit from the west.  It was a pleasant thing.  Like a gift, or some hope, in these very dark and growing darker times.  Later.

It could be worse.

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I could be using just a shovel.  I must admit, the little I shoveled earlier got to me.  Aging, ill, but slightly able, sometimes, for short runs.  It looks like as much is back down as what had been removed?  Thereabouts.  I need to get out again, and shovel that little spit of are so as to get the plow out and working.  It's all good.

I thought I had a grocery pickup today.  I am certain the order went through.  But, checking today, it looks like it didn't go through.  Which ends up being fine, for me.  I... am running out of fumes.  I didn't want to go.  I am tired.  The order was still in the 'basket'.  I am sure it went through, and that I received a code.  They were extremely busy, when I ordered.  I ordered on Monday or Tuesday, and Friday was the earliest pickup.  So, perhaps, their machines or capacity was overloaded?  All good, as long as this goes through.  Tomorrow, if it went through.

I have enough kefir.  And, tomorrow is milk day... with two on the way.  I have two in the fridge... well kefir'ed.  And three out kefir'ing.  Half gallon jars.  I have started eating some, since I have plenty and milk is arriving.  The stuff gets slightly addictive... if you can get past the strange nature.  I would call it milk umami.

Oh... the energy company's suggestion was that I get their app.  Apps are so insecure.  But... that, to modern... even old... companies, is a feature.  They have always been nosy, they want to get into your business, know what you are doing, and as a front be two steps ahead of you... not in the good way.  It's about the bottom dollar, they say.  But that isn't... the whole of it.  Power is as good as money.  I'll look it over.  In the short term, may not have a choice.  Though, if I am late, not sure there is much I could do about it.  Ugh.

Not quite ready to get out and plow, but will be shortly.  It is slightly above melting... a good time to do it.  If it drops below that, things could get nasty.  You just don't want frozen snow on your driveway.  It does feel colder, with all the moisture in the air from thawing a bit.  But... that's what gloves are for.  I'll get to it shortly.  I'd love a nap, but it's a bit late.  Past 11:00, or noon even, it's pushing it.  The probability of ruining sleep is very strong.  I've kept days for... a while now.  Slowly losing it, but still... a miracle I'd like to maintain just a bit longer.

Later.

That snow is coming down in heaps.

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I did get a section of the drive shoveled, up near the garage.  I had to rest, I did it after feeding and watering the rabbits.  An hour after, I was ready to use the plow.  I had to shovel again!  It was as deep as it had been!  Well, fine.  I did that, got the lawn tractor going, and made a pass then did one side of the frontage, when low and behold, the neighbor showed!

It was fun.  To be able to be out, to visit just a bit.  And the thing is good.  Plus, I opened a path to the front door.  So, all very good.

On the bad side, the gas company sent a runner, who put a notice on my front door.  Gas is overdue, with a two working day shutoff notice!  I called immediately.  Very difficult.  The tech/accounting is done by real people, payment by an automated system.  Apparently, missing one payment (not having enough in the account), will cause the auto pay to lapse.  And they don't call or email, just send a (one more in a pile of others) letter.  I might well miss such.

Well, deep in back pay.  But... they are going to put me on a payment plan.  Still, one miss, and they rescind the payment plan and everything is due immediately, or they shut off heat.  I am going to have to be very careful.  Oh, and my bill went from ~$30 to ~$150.  So... yea.  Anyway... Then I called their number, and was having trouble with their billing, on top of that, my phone was having a lot of trouble, trying to tell me this was a potential spam call!  Ugh...  I think... think I say... it is worked out.  I just have to make sure I have enough in the account to pay the bill.

I called to let them know they are showing as spam on my phone, and the guy was not only dismissive, he didn't care.  If I were a major company, and spam warning were making phone calls difficult, I'd really want to know that.  Maybe they just don't care anymore?  Or, maybe, the workers just don't care?  I... did what I could.

Life sure gets rough when it gets rough.  Later.

Later than planned.

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Earlier than actually believed... hoped?  I went to bed reasonably early. 21:00? 22:00?  Somewhere in there.  I set the alarm for 05:00 and 07:00, with some slim hope in planning that I might be up by then.  I... worried that I would turn off the alarm, or even not hear it.  I am that tired.  I felt better, doing little yesterday, but was so tired.

I turned the 05:00 alarm off immediately.  That was going with the plan.  I worked with the 07:00 alarm, running through three snoozes, to 07:30.  I... knew, at that point, that I wouldn't wake.  I almost... no... I did shut it off.  But then I reconsidered, rolled over, grabbed the alarm, and reset the alarm for 08:30.  Even that was just a hail mary.  I hit the snooze three more times, yet waking at 09:00 was better than other options.

I gave the girls treats right first thing, then went downstairs.  I left my pj's downstairs, after being out yesterday?  Or... had I... put them to launder?  Yes, the latter I think, dressing in real clothes to go out.  So I had to find clean pj's for at least this morning, around the cave.  Oh, and just remembered to turn the furnace up.  While the waterers are ready, they aren't warm.  And, yes, that really helps them stay thawed nearly all day when it is 28~32 or warmer.  Below that it's a crapshoot... depends on how often they drink, whether wind or breezes are involved (and whether those are warmer or cooler), what humidity is up to, and some other things.

It is snowing.  I didn't dream it was snowing, I dreamed, right before waking, that I knew it had snowed all night.  Looking out, at least from upstairs, while it is snowing very heavily, it looks more like it just started snowing.  There isn't much on the Cruz window.  Just looking at the driveway doesn't show much, but the window of a vehicle... which was clear since the last snow, makes depth guestimates much simpler... assuming my rheumy eyes saw well.  I'll... check in a bit.  Certainly when I do chores.  Hmm... I may do the ducks right now, and get to the rabbits when their water is warm...

Ah.  I had been correct, but things change.  It had been between a bit less and a bit more than an inch (of fluffy snow, not packed, wet).  Now it is closing on two inches.  It is snowing fast.  Small flakes but many and fast.  Makes for a wonderful show, if you aren't lined up against the snow somehow anyway.  Not enough to really even shovel yet.  Still, in a bit, I will grab the shovel and at least open up in front of the driveway so as to more easily facilitate plowing later.  Oh, and it is 28 F out there, but... on the colder side of that.  Still, a wonderful winter day.

Ducks are out and fed.  Rabbits aren't happy that I'm not getting them, but warm water helps sooth... issues.  :p  I do love my critters, and will do what is better for them over just what they want.  Oh... all the bucks are glaring at me, the minis who escaped and are back.  They enjoyed their freedom and think I was not very nice to put them back.  I get it, safety isn't everything.  But it's not just safety.  Oh, now I best get plans to cull underway.  Two bucks, and maybe two does.  Even at worst, that would leave 36 fryers.  Though I may hold onto the does until these others prove out?  Learning curves while nearly comatose and unsure otherwise are massive.

Oh, another thing for keto people.  Hazel nuts are actually better than macadamia nuts.  They aren't as tasty, by far.  But beside being slightly better on the macros, they are much much cheaper.  I can't afford steak or macadamia, even occasionally, anymore.  I'm doing good to afford a roast, and even that I need to dice down to stew meat.  Why not buy stew meat?  Costs the same, but I have no idea what meat they are using.  Round and/or bottom roast is so flavorless, and some others... plus, as mentioned, there is no price difference.  I can... cut my own, from a better roast, thank you.  As with hazel nuts, I can handle the dryer, less flavor, to have something as a snack or middle food... convenience food even.

Later.

A bit more.

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Bedtime though.  Late, but earlier than the last few days.  I didn't work up so much that I had to come down.  The stress was in the morning.  I have had time to come down from that.

Some of the dishes were put back to a soak.  Just couldn't finish that.  The waterers and food are set for the rabbits.  The ducks were put up.  Well, and of course... mostly... the waterers were brought in.  As well, the girls got fresh water.  They get what doesn't go into the rabbits waterers.  Though, sometimes, they just get a fresh batch, as they will in the morning.

I also got the freezer cleared off, if not cleaned.  And a small bag of rather... bad trash out.  I didn't realize there was something in there... there was.  Ugh.  I have also been turning the kefir.  It isn't ready to consume quite yet.  It probably won't be for a few more days.  Even then, I'll be splitting the majority into fresh jugs, which will need to incubate... cure?  whatever kefir grains do.  I will also pour off portions for drinking.

I will be trying to take it easy with consumption until I have a gallon and an half ready, and maybe gallon percolating.  Even then, I will go a bit slow.  Until I understand where I am with that, how fast it goes and such.  I'd like eight to sixteen ounces of that stuff a day, until I get bored or such... then put some into hibernation?  It is odd how tastes change, hungers come and go, and such.  For now, I could probably drink three to four gallons of the stuff a week.  And, with frozen fruit, perhaps with fresh vegetables (such as cucumbers, tomatoes even if they are really good, or else... perhaps even fresh fruit when it looks good and is in) the options become vast.  As with soups and stews.

Meats for that are out.  As well, a few containers of beef stock.  I'll do another beef stew soon.  Kale... I am really enjoying kale in this stuff.  Just chop it fine.  Not quite parsley fine, I like more bite.  But not as big as, say, lettuce.  Well, I like bigger bites of lettuce, that might just be me.  I would have liked to have eaten something more substantial today.  I just didn't have it in me to get out, or to cook.  Nothing thawed, it would have required inventiveness and some energy.  I just didn't have it.

Not bad.  Not great.  But... after yesterday, and this morning... better than expected.  Good night.

So very tired.

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I really want to go back to bed.  But I have things to do during the next weeks.  I need to keep the day.  Even if I can't do anything in a particular day, it must be kept as a placeholder.  Today, for the most part, is going to be a placeholder.  it is 16:51.  I have held out well.  Just two to three more hours, pulling the waterers if it seems to be cooling, and putting the ducks in.

Another shower tomorrow morning.  I feel so cold today, in spite of it being above freezing.  With a shower right off, I would normally be warm, warmer, even hot.  Little food today though, that might be part of it?  Whatever.  As mentioned, not much done today.  Tomorrow I am hoping to make a few calls, pick up feed, and... perhaps begin sorting out the rabbits, and getting them to breed.  It's time.  One batch of rabbits, from each doe, even if there were few... say six?... would provide a fairly hefty bounty.

I have checked with several neighbors.  They... aren't sure.  There is another neighbor who seemed interested.  There is no way you will sell these for their cost, mind you.  I am not actually looking to sell... just offer them.  I don't think these would ever pay for themselves.  But what they do is provide the potential for food if all else goes away, even for a short bit... if defending that food source is a whole other issue.  Ask even beef ranchers of their fears should a major calamity occur.  Yours, if you can keep them.

Still, it's the idea.  Same with ducks.  If they would figure out how to go broody, in any case.  And if I can sort out how to get them a place to safely brood and raise chicks.  They are cannibals.  And brutal to their young.  It's just the way it is.  If it works out, in any case, I should have twenty to thirty young in a month... plus or minus a handful... which would take a month to ween and a month or two to feed up.  Some portion will be smaller, most will be larger... say five to probably nearing ten pound dressing weights (bone in).  All... give or take.  A few batches of those a year would seem me very comfortable.  And with enough to offer out.  As to ducks?  Squat, so far.  I need to build a few brooding cages.  I just... don't know what I am doing that way.

Later.

Strange call.

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Someone from India, or with an Indian accent, just called.  Something about a problem on my computer.  They wanted me to check some things, which I did.  Suggested they had sent notifications, about security issues on my computer.  But that I hadn't followed through.  Well... it looked like there was a problem.  A lot of things are shut down on my computer.

Then he wanted me to go to a website.  I wouldn't do it.  I'm not sure what is going on, or not, with my computer.  But I have no idea who this guy was, or anything about him or who he employs him.  Absolutely not going to some random place, just because he has my number and knows things about my machine.  Microsoft wouldn't have anything to do with anyone's machine.  Nor would they hire tech to deal with personal security.  Wow.  Brazen.  Watch yourself out there.

I have to laugh, even thinking that ms would employs techs for our security, or that they think we would fall for it.  Mostly likely, he is involved with the breakin.  He just wanted to complete it, or transfer more data, or such.  Be very careful out there.  I may simply have to abandon my computer, until I can get a secure os installed.

Later.

So many worries.

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I started to fear, last night, that the timing of the event was off.  The case was actually in the MidWest.  Central time.  What... time... was it supposed to be, what time was the event... local?  I could barely get going to be available for the event, so had no time... or means that I could think to check... to tell.  So, I just did what I could and was where I need to be in time to do what I thought I was to do, as planned up to point.  You have no idea what it is to be totally lost in this world at times.  I do, I do.

The time, presented, was correct... to local.  A small glitch connecting using the software, but a simple quit and restart reset the glitch.  The event went quickly and an extension was granted.  Now, to contact SSA, local, have them send the rejection letter(s), and get them forwarded to a lawyer or three.  Of the backpay, should that come through, they can only receive 25% or $6k, whichever is least.  I didn't know that part, which sort of frightened me from obtaining a lawyer.

It was short.  Easy.  Now done.  I then returned to do chores and begin actually waking.  Chores are done.  Now to begin dishes, in a bit.  Well, and later, get feed.  Four more bags of rabbit feed and four bags of bird feed.  Next month, four more bags of bird feed.  I want to have two or three months on hand, of anything, more if I thought it would hold... then just keep that topped each month, and rotate.  Same with cat food and litter.  Hell is upon us.

On to... waking, more.  Have a great day.

Down late, again.

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Had to be up earlier though.  A call, probably to postpone the hearing in an attempt to obtain council.  Still, it's required.  Most of this week, getting up this early happened naturally.  But my days are shifting.  Not quickly.  And, maybe this is just a blip.  But, to be sure, I set an alarm for five... to give me a warning.  Then set the second alarm for seven.  Being as that is pretty close to my local min-max natural... it worked.  Still, I need a shower, to brush my teeth, and to unload the... well...

I could take the car.  No... most of the gas has been stolen from it.  Actually, about half the gas in the suv has been stolen too.  It's sitting at half a tank with a hundred miles on it.  They are back to stealing my gasoline, and things in my house.  Whatever they want, I guess?  When you are alone, you can't be awake all of the time.  And I sleep pretty deeply.  Too deeply, if with little choice.

I did clear the way for a shower.  Dishes which were soaking.  I had hoped to do that last night, but there was no more 'go' in me once I settled.  I spent all my energy, and then some.  A great day.  Did so little, but for me a lot.  Actually handling the piano was less than anything... even shopping for waterers wore me out a lot more.  Strange that.  If... it is even true, mind you.  The problem is, when I do that much, it takes a long time to come down.  Sleep requires a lower gear, and that just takes time... last night it took six hours or more.

All good.  Today?  The conference call, of course.  Then picking up feed.  Oh, chores before that, but after the shower?  Time is getting tight.  I best get going if I am to be there in a timely fashion.  Hmm, chores first, actually.  The waterers are being warmed, with the house.  Food is ready, for the rabbits.  It's just a matter of putting it out and setting things up.  Should be quick work.  Then a shower.  Perhaps a trim first?  Beard, anyway.  Yea.  We'll see.  Later.

So slow, intially.

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Very successful in the end.  A contest, doubled upon.  Waterers and a few other items purchased.  Shopping for this and that.  Milk, in plenty, kefir set to go immediately after officially having returned.  Rabbits caught and reset well enough for the day?  Hopefully.  Many things, actually.  And I was ready.  Oh, I even reset dishes this morning.  I am hoping to clear the counter, do some, and reset the last of them.  I want another shower tomorrow morning.

Oh, the bet?  A speed eating test.  I'm getting... a bit old for those.  Still, it had to happen.  I can't eat as much, clearly.  So a portion of a portion.  First, two thirds of a double-double decker for me.  A whole triple double-decker for him.  He... didn't think I would... or even was able... to shut up and eat.  But this was serious business!  I cleared that one easily... or... more easily.

Next?  The rest of my burger against all his fries.  Man, I really wasn't sure.  Already on shaky ground.  But, hey.  The puppy-dog eyes this guy has?  I had to roast him!  And I did.  He was... so close to beating me.  I had to stuff and swallow... and pray.  It turned out God wanted me to win and not die!  It's good to get out with the young ones from time to time.  I can't keep up, but with a reasonable handycap and a bit of luck, yea, even an oldster can doomster an youngster!  WooHoo!

They had waterers in.  I got enough to have four, or nearly four, sets of waterers.  I had two already, so...  I will, probably, get a few more sets.  Having them set up, for days, then just having to clean and fill every few days, makes it easier.  Less stop and go, hurry and wait, etc.  Too many and it would be a problem of falling behind.  As well, this allow for heating in the winter, and refrigerating in the summer.  Yea, it helps them, and they... deserve good treatment and respect.

Oh, and chasing the rabbits?  The youngster did most of the chasing.  That lad is a hunter at heart.  He caught, in the end, two of them, I caught two.  He did most of the leg work, but in the end it comes down to just picking the dang thing up without losing skin, blood, or ones head.  Gnarly teeth, and wicked claws, can jump clean to... said Tim.  And, he... wasn't making all of it up.  A rabbit can actually be dangerous.  I could easily see one opening up an artery.  Or three.  Still, all fun.  The final contest of the day.  Unlike the meal, I give him the accolades, and a win in this circle.  I just let them run and sometimes trap them, then... picked them up.  He did have fun.

Up late, moving slow.

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No great difficulties.  Going down so late, 23:30 or so, I expected a late rise.  Up so late as I was trying to do a few last things, including a shower and then letting hair air dry before bed... mostly.  Up at about 07:00, and small change.  It is almost 10:00 already, and... I am dressed!  Not just wearing pj's/bed clothes.  Hmm, it is about time to feed and water critters.

After that, I will put dishes back to soak, and perhaps clean off the freezer top, pull meat for the week, and then take a break.  A few more things this afternoon and evening, and to bed earlier.  I don't want to lose my days.  I have... things to do.  Oddly, not so very tired.  Even so, it is difficult to get started.  Hmm... the furnace is still turned down.  That doesn't help.  I'll fix that as I get to chores.

No pain?  I know as I began waking, I woke up in rather serious pain.  Neck, shoulders, headache(s)... at least one, and other problems.  As I've been drifting about the net, lost in some fog, not even quite sure what I did, the pain... seems to have gotten lost in the fog, mostly.  There is a bit, but it was acute initially.  It is a gentle, rather easy, pain now.  I would currently classify this as one of my best days!  Not that it, always, matters.  I am used to... whatever happens.  Smile right through most of it... until it stacks day after day, then I... begin thinking about painkillers.  Just a break from it, from time to time.

One of my attempts at fixing a problem did work.  The plastic lids, which were advertised as air and water tight?  Proved out.  At least in the short run.  Who knows how long they will remain so.  Still, for now, I am happy with the product, so will be ordering more.  I won't use them with kefir, which needs to breath and creates an net positive pressure so invasion isn't as much of a risk.  Plus, if you have the jar too full, and make it air tight, it can break the jar.  It's good to have something that actually works.  Rare anymore.

I best get going.  The girls are fussing.  And the outdoor critters deserve feed and water.  Later. 

Yea?

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A bit.  Not everything.  Though... perhaps more than planned, if not all that had been planned as well.  Plans... change.  The ducks are in, leaving waterers out for the hoppers, their food and water is ready for the morning though.  Well, and, now, all of the buck mini rabbits are out.  Sticking around, so far.  I need to wrangle them before they get eaten or just wander off.

I didn't get the counters, but I did clear the bathroom and tub enough to shower.  I thought about doing it in the morning.  And I may.  But I want to do it tonight as well.

Tomorrow?  Feed, for the ducks and rabbits.  Real feed.  A lunch... somewhere.  Checking on more waterers.  Well, and my balance.  Anything else?  Probably.  Oh, definitely more milk, for kefir.  A gallon doesn't go far.  I am thinking two a week won't be enough, but I really need to get to that point first, then decide.  Truth is, I may drink more, in the beginning, then back off.  It's often how it goes.  Or... maybe not.  It might replace half of my tea?  Which I am now back up to three to four gallons a day.  Ugh.

I did send information to the folks helping me.  SSA wants to use a system for video-conferencing over the phone.  I'm not sure how to install or use it.  I sent the details on, and... have tried to read through it.  Right now, I just can't get going on such things.  Too tired.  I'm not stupid... or even lazy.  I am simply bushed beyond my ability to think.  Losing bits every day, it seems.  Hopefully that could be set up tomorrow.

Oh, and I have been looking at traps, for the rabbits.  I suspect a few very strong springs, and the cages as are, plus a little creativity, could end up with the rabbits back in cages.  It must not be too bad for them, or they would be gone.  Ugh.  Of course, now it will be easier to get the mini does somewhere else, so as to fix this cage.

It's about time for that shower, then on to bed.  A few prayers.  Lightly, as I really am dying of thirst for both liquid and sleep.  Good night.  Blessings.  And may God be with you.

I sent in

Not bad.

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Certainly not all of it.  More than I thought I could do before crashing.

The trash cans were emptied.  That was precarious.  But, done, with no spills.  Splashes?  Of course.  As well, I found cast which was rusty... other than what I have already fixed.  So... I started in.  These didn't have recent rust.  They have rust from years.  And, actually, from being outdoors.  So... it's taking a bit more.  But it is working.  Amazing.  I just hit those again, actually need to hit them with vinegar now, then take a longer break.

A few other, if very minor, things were done.  The waterers are warming... another hour, I suppose.  But... it will get done.  The next actual task, when I can get to it, is to clear the freezer top to use it for drying dishes.  Not much there, but enough that it'll be after a break.  I will rummage for meat to bring out as well.  Then have it ready for dishes later.  A shower.  I am not going to shave or trim.  I have no way adding that to my already extensive list.

There are other things I need to do, have to do, but I have so little time.  Too many things!  I'll... do what I can.  I am doing better than I thought I would be.  More painkillers, though, I think.  I'm running into trouble.  Yes, a rest, if not a nap... not enough time to get one in before it would be too late.  Too much to do.  I really would love a nap though.  Oh well.  Later.

Very rough morning.

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Aches, headaches, things to do, a few things done.  Ugh.  I had to haul bags of feed out, then fill the outside container.  The waterers, from last night, as still partially filled and flowing.  Still, I need to get the other waterers refilled and out.  I usually do that at night, but with all else going on it got lost in the shuffle.  Getting some of the things done in the bathroom would help.

The trash barrels are in the way.  I suppose I could empty them in the toilet, slowly.  Plus, dishes are in the tub, blocking other things.  Then the waterers need to be managed, which is usually in that general area as well.  They generic tylenol helped, but I'm still in rough shape.  I am really thinking of taking a nap, to try to push through when I wake.  Thing is, I want at least some of the counters done, and the waterers filled, warmed, and put out with food.  The ducks have been fed and watered, but the rabbits lament their lot.  I'll... do those things before a nap.

Then, a nap, dishes and to air drying.  Perhaps, after draining the trash cans, those will get hit a bit better, and again, before a shower.  Ugh.  I'll...  I... have other things too.  Later.

A difficult morning.

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To bed a bit late, as probably mentioned.  Was it 22:00?  I think so, and small change.  Trying to push through, then trying to back away from the push, too tired to make sense of things, so going to bed on time becomes a problem.  Still, a few hours off isn't too bad.  I am hoping to correct that tonight.  And, I was up by about 06:00, so... it's... okay.  The thing is, sleep could extend to ten to fourteen hours in a moment.  And I need days.  So I need to go to bed earlier... for that margin of error.

I am waking in great pain.  I didn't take tylenol last night.  Between the fog of war and procrastination it just didn't happen.  Oddly, I slept right through it.  Didn't notice the pain until I was waking.  That, actually, kept me in bed and hour or two extra, as I was trying to sleep it off.  Sometimes, rarely, that works.  If nothing else, extra sleep allows me to face the terrible breath of such ferocious pain.  And it was ferocious this morning.

The neck, stiff as a board.  A couple of headaches stemming from that, one bringing nausea and minor migraine symptoms, if I don't think it is a migraine, just an intense ache from a sore neck.  All of which are from yesterday, not from sleeping poorly or wrongly.  I am trying to do too many things, and types of things, all at once, and it is coming with a price.  Even so, I seem to be sprinting in quicksand... getting nowhere.  Or... nowhere fast.

I need to do the dishes quickly, but I have to open up a place for the finished ones!  Ugh.  Then a shower, and a few more phone calls.  Chores, of course, in a while.  I also need to place a grocery store order, and plan to pick up real bird feed.  I may add a few more rabbit feed bags in there.  I would also like to check for more waterers.  I am leaving the waterers out, more often, lately.  They are frozen in the morning, but it does look like they are drinking the water down, so only a cup or so remains.  I would truly rather they have water available 24/7.  It just isn't possible.

Well, and I need to figure out the rabbits.  Someone thinks a rabbit trap, non-wounding, might help me with my problem.  I think they might be right.  Well, this particular one might be wounding, so I'm not sure I will use it.  But... I am sure there is another out there which would work.  Thing is, if I set them up, I will have to check fairly often, so some predator doesn't dispatch the trapped critters.  It's a risk, but I don't have another method.  As well, I need to get the breeding process started.  It's time.  Plus, getting them, mostly, into their own little places will help with a number of problems.  Later.

Late, but within reason.

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Stress... trying to be up on time.  Calling and resetting, or trying to reset things.  This, that, and the other thing.  Running through quicksand.  Hiding from shadows.  Pushing to get through.  Trying to tend animals and domestics.  Too much too do, little capacity, tired, sore, hungry, and thirsty.  Too much, but... I must try.  And, so, I do.

Bedtime.  I need to attempt sleep.  Dishes and more, tomorrow.  I'll do what I can.  For now, sleep.

Tylenol.  The last time I had aspirin, at night, I got a bloody nose.  Caught it before I bled on the bedding.  I don't want to have to catch it.  And, tylenol does work, it was ibuprofen which wasn't working.  Depends on the pains.  I think aspirin and tylenol treat similar ailments.  Mostly... from what I have seen.  Ibuprofen treats what those don't work on.

Good night.  I did get some of it done.  From trash collect and out, to chores, to... this and that... plus calls... important ones.  More to do tomorrow.  This all is far from over.  Good night.

Oh, ugh!

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Not everything.  Trash was late, but it did go out, possibly... probably... in time.  Recycling not so much.  And, dishes were given a final shot and set to rinse.  Plus, a few trash cans were set to soak.  A few of them were absolutely nasty!   Ugh!  The rest probably could use a cleaning, but aren't stinky.  Brutal.  But, a start.  I... hope for more today.  Oh, let the ducks out, but haven't fed and watered the rabbits yet, too cold.

Then, I called about a lawyer.  The center didn't have one in Utah.  Arizona?  Okay.  I asked for one in Colorado.  She said she needed a zip code?  Then how did she get one in Arizona?  Whatevs.  Anyway, I called his office.  I didn't speak to him, his receptionist.  Not going to happen... without changing the court date.  I get that.  But... further... they need the rejection letter, which I don't think I have.

They won't deal with the case, so won't do any calling on my behalf, until they decide to take the case or not.  So... I have to attempt to change the date of the case, then contact SSA and get the rejection letter(s) resent, then fax those on.  Ugh!  So... I called the office of SSA dealing with this, and requested an extension.  They will call back when the judge decides.  Ugh.

Now, to wait.  Ugh!  And, possibly, try to contact the local SSA to see about getting the letters... either way most likely.  Such a difficult thing to work with.  Ugh!!!  Still... I... finally am getting to it, if after many rejections on many fronts with two hands tied behind my back, while dying and drowning in confusion and pain.  It's... something.  Later.

A more regular day and night.

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I was actually up a bit later than has become the usual, but not excessively so.  To bed at 20:00.  I am not sure why I was up later.  The beginnings of a potential episode of insomnia?  Or... was there something I was hoping to do, or did do, which kept me a bit later?  I... just... can't remember.  Still, that was early enough.  Waking, and only once this morning, at about 04:30, I woke, and got up rather easily.

Minor aches and pains, but minor enough that I count this as a pain-free day.  There is a lot of pain in the background, but I... that is almost every day.  My body has learned to buffer a lot of pain.  I appreciate it's efforts, and acknowledge those efforts.  I can't tell what sort of slurry my body produces, but it is rather potent.  Whenever I get a glimpse of what is beyond, the pain that is blanketed, my eyes become as a horse in a barn smelling fire.  Why do you think someone would attempt suicide so many times?  Pain.  It took decades to find some balance... well, that an a seeming inability to die or kill myself, then a negotiation with God.  Meh... then some... toughening and conscious pain allocation and defenses.  Yes, you can.  We can't, you might be able to do it.  Certainly, no one can do it for you or even with you.

So very odd.

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I crashed early, and very very hard.  Taking the water pills late, I assumed I would be waking every hour or two.  To the best of my recall, I only woke three, maybe  four times.  I should have been awake eight times, maybe more.  One of those wakes doesn't even count, as it was my normal pre-waking wake up.  I usually wake an half hour to two hours before I actually wake, and begin extricating myself from that world.

Further, I woke so very late.  My pre-wake was about 05:30.  I went to bed at just a small bit of change after 19:00.  I suppose that isn't a terribly long sleep.  It's, just, lately I have been doing seven to eight hour sleeps... it had  become pleasantly regular.  Ugh.  I try my damnedest to sleep and wake as regularly as possible.  It just isn't in my hands, I guess.

A bit achy this morning.  Not exactly sure why.  I have been doing more... not much but a lot more... comparatively.  And, yes, I suppose that can get to me.  Bending to do dishes.  The acrobatics, sometimes, of laundry.  And just the stretching of chores, or slipping.  Slipping, even if you don't fall, can pull muscles.  Things happen which I forget before I am finished with, such as slipping.  I don't even remember, even the next day when I realize my back is out.  Still, more minor aches and pains.  No need or want of painkillers.  I haven't hurt in a while, not seriously.  Or... more... not consciously.  A lot going on in the background.  A lot of pain, always... always pain.  It's all I've got, as I've mentioned.  Plus, there are many in purgatory who could use it.  I don't understand all of Christ, but this?  This I get... to the degree possible.

Dishes should be quick.  but there are a lot more in the wings than I had thought.  I best get going.  The load in, and one more load today, plus maybe a last load set up for tomorrow?  Laundry... I would like to get most of it upstairs and begin sorting.  Trash and recycling, probably a first thing... so as I am doing else, if anything else pops, it can go out too.  And counters... second... so dishes can go forward.

I did thaw some meat.  Bratwursts last night.  A beef roast, for stew.  Hmm, I need veggies, which I can't get until Monday at the earliest.  Mushrooms, cabbage, the stew mix... carrots, onions, and celery... rutabaga, potato, turnips, and other root veggies.  I'd like to make a day pot of just root veggies.  Higher in carbs, but can be offset with extra fats... cheese, whipping cream, sour cream, butter... just a dab of each for a full bodied filling warming energy rich thing.  Oh yeah.  Still, I probably should pull other meat out.  Some ground turkey, pork, and beef, for more crumble.  That stuff is awesome.  Warmed, topped on greens of many types, spiced, and with fat so no need for official dressings.  Yum.

I... best get to things.  Then again, I have to wait for dawn for chores, and don't want to burn much energy until then.  I'll be curious to see if the rabbits emptied their waterers, or if they just froze.  Ugh... forgot to put the ducks in!  That... always worries me.  It is a dangerous world out there.  And a cold one.  And I do care for my peculiar feathered and furry friends.  Not quite like children, but of concern and personal interest.  Friends of a sort, family of another sort.  They aren't just dead things.  There is even a love involved.  A right one, albeit.  One God tried to imbue upon us, so we don't become thick-necked bastards.  I'm already running pretty close to that line as is.  Still, I... try.

Good morning and day.  Blessings and may you find the yoke of efforts a joy, grace, gift.  Amen.