A more regular day and night.

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I was actually up a bit later than has become the usual, but not excessively so.  To bed at 20:00.  I am not sure why I was up later.  The beginnings of a potential episode of insomnia?  Or... was there something I was hoping to do, or did do, which kept me a bit later?  I... just... can't remember.  Still, that was early enough.  Waking, and only once this morning, at about 04:30, I woke, and got up rather easily.

Minor aches and pains, but minor enough that I count this as a pain-free day.  There is a lot of pain in the background, but I... that is almost every day.  My body has learned to buffer a lot of pain.  I appreciate it's efforts, and acknowledge those efforts.  I can't tell what sort of slurry my body produces, but it is rather potent.  Whenever I get a glimpse of what is beyond, the pain that is blanketed, my eyes become as a horse in a barn smelling fire.  Why do you think someone would attempt suicide so many times?  Pain.  It took decades to find some balance... well, that an a seeming inability to die or kill myself, then a negotiation with God.  Meh... then some... toughening and conscious pain allocation and defenses.  Yes, you can.  We can't, you might be able to do it.  Certainly, no one can do it for you or even with you.

A breakfast of kefir.  Oh, I do love that stuff.  With another gallon arriving yet this week, and two planned from now on, kefir will be a daily daily.  A cup or two, sometimes with fruit (say twice a week, sweetened one of those times).  And, if possibly, perhaps a bit more.  A pint two evenings in the week too, or more if possible.  I absolute love this stuff.  It's keeping up on it, and in it, that is the trick... though too, without becoming buried or lost in it.

Oh, and someone found a vid I offered on the topic, which helps.  I don't know if I will have enough volume to do the extra thickening... but as time goes, and perhaps I drink less from time to time, I will have more options, I will consider this.  Plus, I do like the idea of pulling off whey to be used with soured veggies... sauerkraut to carrots to onions.  Waste not, want not.  Though, you can have a small sip of the whey all by itself, as a thirst-quenching and health powerhouse.  Umami is only one part of the health foodie gig.  Cheers!

I need to get trash together and out.  So I was happy to be up relatively earlier.  Then I need to call about a lawyer, as early as I think I can get away with it.  Perhaps as early as 06:00 or 07:00?  Seems so strange to be calling so early.  But... I... need to try.  Ugh, it's an ugly hard mean world I seem lost in.  I have to put in, when I can, how I may, to survive.  Survive?  Make it?  Something.  Love that kefir though.  I do.

First, though, some waking.  Good morning and day.